Geek Love

[Candleshoe]

Does Willow even realise that it's the lying that Tara won't deal with not the geeky side of her nature? Tara is far too open-minded to let a couple of comics get in the way of true love, isn't she! But the lying, well, thats a symptom of something much worse, isn't it? Lying is about not trusting someone with the truth, it's about being ashamed, it's about allowing someone to base their knowledge of you on fiction, not fact. I really don't think that Willow understands that, does she?

And as long as she doesn't understand where she went wrong, whatever she does to try to fix it will simply be rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.

I do hope she gets a clue soon - it looks as though her friends have cottoned on and are helping, so fingers crossed....

Anyway - I'm really gettiing into this, can you tell?

[PancakesinBellies]

Yes. Willow needs to learn that lying=bad. And that anything that makes Tara love her and talk to her again=good.

Let the groveling begin!

PS-Great update, can't wait for more!

[Thianne]

woot! they're going to talk! oh yeah! i love this story *happy sigh*

btw, it reminded me of something.....and it made me sad *sigh*

[db]

Watty!



God. When Tara walked away I thought *I* was going to cry. She's so angry with Willow. I can see why she is -- Willow was wrong, but not in the same way that Tara's past lover was. I think Tara is putting them both in the same category... lumping Willow's insecurity and fib in with her lying cheating ex girlfriend. There are levels of truth and Willow was so so wrong to decieve Tara -- but she is inherently good, and means well and I just want Tara to be open to hearing an apology.



The scene in the restaurant where they couldn't look at eachother. Gulp. Tara is so, so set on walking away. Willow is good with guilt and self flagellation -- but I don't think that is what Tara wants. I think Tara *wanted* to trust in her. Which, I think she can, in the ways that count... but Tara wouldn't hear or accept an apology.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I don't plan on seeing you again, Willow."

I don't know how Willow could hear that without breaking down right then and there... but at least she got confirmation that their time meant something to Tara. If it did, mean a lot, and Tara said it did, why is Tara so unwilling to do anything but walk away?

She had better call Tara on her birthday. Tara deserves to hear that Willow is thinking of her. I am so glad that her on line buddies are rooting for her. Buddies are the best!

I think that Willow is going to have to do something heroic, I just hope she can.


db

ps (Is Willow ever going to discover that Faith is one of her online buddies? And is there something going on between Faith and Donnie??)

[diamondforever]

I think Tara's overreacting. Yes, Willow lied, but Willow's sorry about it and she's tried her best to explain and shown that she really loves Tara. What is it about Tara's past that's getting her so angry over such a little thing? Granted, Wicked tickets are a huge thing, but...still... please update soon. Willow and Tara in pain = me in pain!

[SithLordWiccan]

Watty, watty, watty....you certainly have done a good job at putting me through the emotional roller coaster. First I'm loving the story, then hating it, then loving it again for different reasons. I'm hating Faith, then loving to hate Faith. I'm loving Tara, then hating her for taking things out of context.

Of course, the thing I'm loving the most is the fact that I've gone from finding Willow's spazziness all cute and huggable to pretty much hating her for it. The question I have to ask now is "do I hate her more than I hate Faith?"

Hmm...that's a tough one. On the one hand, I haven't hated her as much as I've hated Faith, but then again, I hate Faith because she being a bitch of the highest caliber (though I've noticed that she's not that bad in this chapter, though I'm not sure whether I should praise that or not). On the other hand, I hate Willow for doing all the wrong things. Yes, lying to Tara about the surfing thing was noble and all that (and also lead to having the image of Willow in a skintight wetsuit in my mind, an image I for one find most pleasing), but things really went too far with the convention thing. And I think that I have to quote Uberqueen and say .

Really, I have absolutely no sympathy for Willow on this. Like I said before, the thing with the surfing should have told her that she can be herself around Tara without having to feel guilty about it. And Tara all but confirmed that here, saying that they could have talked about it. I for one have to applaud Tara for stating the obvious:

"You could have told me."

"I didn't think you'd understand."

"You didn't even try! And you decide that telling me you have to work is better than the truth?"

"It was a difficult choice."

News flash, Willow: this girl loves you. When you're in love, hard decisions aren't that hard to make after all, especially when you have the love of someone like Tara on your side. And I was really hoping that since Tara told Willow pretty bluntly that everything could have been OK if Willow had just told her the truth, that there could have been some sort of a reconciliation between the two of them, but this...

"It doesn't matter anymore. I don't plan on seeing you again, Willow."

...doesn't exactly give one the best of impressions.

The chat group really does have the right idea, though. Though if I were there, I wouldn't have said it in so many words, and actually would have used some choice expletives that wouldn't exactly make Willow feel any better. Then again, I haven't exactly felt like making Willow feel any good since Chapter Thirteen, but you gotta do what you gotta do to make the point you have to make.

And now that it has, here's hoping that everything turns out for the best. And by "the best", I mean that Faith stops being a bitch, Willow and Tara get together, and we get some serious major to make up for all this angst you've made us suffer through. After all, I know how difficult it can be to have a story with chapter after chapter of nothing but drama and angst and emotional heartstrings getting tugged so hard they nearly get snapped, and wondering if the people reading it know that things will turn out all good in the end. I think I did my best to deliver a happy ending on my story. I know that you will be able to do that here, even if there are still some emotional hills to overcome.

I just hope they get overcome rather quickly. Because as much as I've begun to enjoy the drama, I may have a anxiety attack if it keeps going for much longer. And no, that isn't a joke. I'm rather prone to being paranoid, even in a situation such as this when I know I should have nothing to worry about. This story, especially in the last few chapters, has given me more than enough reason to have a Willowesque panic attack. Whether or not you think that's a good thing depends on how much the idea of me in the hospital really appeals to you.

(That's my rather bad way of saying how much I've come to enjoy this story. As Willow said, a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Great work. And incidentally, I think this is the most feedback I've left for this story, let alone any other. I think the closest I ever got before was when I left fb for the WTTV recaps.)

[Guppy]

Oh Willow *shakes head* When will you learn. I hope Tara softens up *when* Willow tries to show how sorry she is for f-ing it up again.

[JustSkipIt]

Seriously, if I were Tara I'd be 100% done with Willow. Like not even want to talk to her ever again. I mean if she sucked up enough and understood where she went wrong, I might be willing to be friends, but beyond that? No way. Obviously, I'm harsher than Tara because this is the Kitten Board after all but...

So as I a reader, I'm glad to see that there's going to be another chance. So Donnie and Faith are collaborating? Are they also dating? Or just being sneaky together?

Well done.

[justin]

Milk tray works if they've built up sufficient trust, it'll take a little more (or may be a bigger box) this time.

D'oh! Of course I meant to suggest that Willow leave a box of Thorntons chocolates

Great update

Tara definitely seems to taking a tough line with this. She's probably worried that if she keeps seeing Willow, Willow will keep lying and she'll end up being hurt as in her last relationship, that the next time Willow lies about having to work it won't be a convention, it'll be another woman.

I've not been that keen on Faith in this story but I have to agree with her about Willow being a plonker (I know Faith didn't actually say that but it was implied). It seems that Faith is trying to get Willow back together with Tara. Is she trying to make amends or does she have some more sinister motive.

Also as Donnie didn't take Anya to the musical, did he take Faith? They seemed to be rather chummy when they accidentally met up. Though Faith doesn't seem to be the musical type.

Looking forward to reading more

[willohand]

Okay my stomach is feeling really tight right about now. And I want OFF THIS SCARY RIDE OF YOURS. Its making me dizzy and where is this bar you suggest I hold on to. AAHHH! I cant find this damn bar to hold on. ohmygodthisrideisgoingtokillme..thereisnotingtoholdonto,tokeepmeinmydamnseat. HELP! HELP ME! okay where is the damn author when I need her?

[witchlove]

I love this story. Please update real soon. Thank you

[watty]

Belli Bear

omg double dibs! let's see if you're three times lucky?

Yep, I wanted Tara to get mad because this will really hurt Willow and make her think about what she is doing and get back on Tara's good side.

~~~~~

Dianneswillowtree

I wish Tara would get on her computer make up a name and be able to see the willow she hides from her and maybe she will understand not the lies but willow herself.

all I'll say is:

~~~~~

Ms Shoe

Tara is far too open-minded to let a couple of comics get in the way of true love, isn't she!

oh boy, isn't that the biblical truth! Willow needs to have a EUREKA! moment and get over this self-flagellation or whatever hangups she has about geeks. If she's not careful she would be the one coming across as having a bias against geeks and wouldn't that be ironic? I definitely agree with your assessment about Willow's skewed thinking, that she's putting thoughts into Tara's head that are not there. Her online friends are helping, they are the voice of reason, I actually think they're a real nice group of people that I won't mind having as friends. Oh wait ... they are, sort of. It's kinda inside jokey though.

as long as she doesn't understand where she went wrong, whatever she does to try to fix it will simply be rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.

I love this analogy! I can imagine you saying this to one of your clients: "well Mr & Mrs Bobblybottoms, you're trying to sell your house that has dry rot, a leaky roof, faulty wiring, busted central heating. Putting on a new coat of paint and hiding problem areas behind large house plants is just like rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic." heehee, I crack myself up.

I'm really gettiing into this, can you tell?

Oh yes you are! And I'm so happy and proud and hope you will stick around till the end.

~~~~~

highlandlass25

Willow needs to realize that Tara doesn't mind about her being a geek and she needs to stop with the deception! There may be groveling ...

~~~~~

Vale

Well now. Willow is going to call, but are they going to talk? In depth? We're not sure, are we?

btw, it reminded me of something.....and it made me sad

And pray what might it be?

~~~~~

db

True, Willow wasn't as wrong as Tara's ex, not by a long way. But the shadow of that past relationship is still with Tara, though I'd like to think that she's this amount of angry because Willow is important to her. People who we don't care much about lie to us, we get annoyed but shrug it off. But someone we are emotionally invested in ... it hurts more.

I just want Tara to be open to hearing an apology.

She is, or she will be. It won't be as easy as Willow calling her up and apologizing on the phone. The chance meeting at the restaurant came too soon, they hadn't had time to digest what has happened and think about what, if anything, they want to do to repair the relationship. The feelings were too raw.

If it did, mean a lot, and Tara said it did, why is Tara so unwilling to do anything but walk away?

Like I said above, I'd like to think that Tara is over-reacting because of how much it means, ie how much Willow means to her. There is an element of her deliberately closing herself off to Willow and thoughts of Willow, because she doesn't want to be weak. How many times have we been mad at someone, and had to remind ourselves to be mad, until we think they have "suffered" our silence enough? Subconsciously, and somewhat consciously this is what Tara is doing.

Buddies are the best!

I like this group of online buddies. It's no huge secret they are based on my own online group of friends, and I definitely agree, buddies are the best!

Is Willow ever going to discover that Faith is one of her online buddies? And is there something going on between Faith and Donnie??

heehee and my response:

~~~~~

diamondforever

It's not just the lying, nor is it Tara's past or Willow being a geek. It's a combination, plus the fact that Tara is so ready to move further with Willow, and Willow takes advantage of her trust. That's harder to overcome. Update next.

~~~~~

Alex

Oh my, Alex. That was some feedback. Thank you.

Love hate relationship eh? And I started off wanting this to be a fluff piece! Heehee. I think it's still fluff-ish, but the angst is higher than I thought.

"do I hate [Willow] more than I hate Faith?"

nah. you don't. I think you did a good job of giving your reasons. Primarily, Willow is unintentionally hurting Tara, whereas Faith is an ass on purpose. I said this in reply above, but it won't be easy for Tara to simply forgive Willow. It's not the lying per se, or the past relationship. It's just that she met this really interesting, sweet person and the deception took her by surprise. She will, eventually, and I'll get you there.

And by "the best", I mean that Faith stops being a bitch, Willow and Tara get together, and we get some serious major to make up for all this angst you've made us suffer through.

All in good time, but I think a story will be flat and meaningless if it didn't have some ups and downs. It's been a different experience, writing this one ... and the feedback is different too. Nothing good or bad about it, just another type of story / feedback. Update next.

~~~~~

Guppy

I hope Tara softens up *when* Willow tries to show how sorry she is for f-ing it up again.

May take Willow a few tries though, but we know where Tara's heart is.

~~~~~

Debra

Seriously, if I were Tara I'd be 100% done with Willow. Like not even want to talk to her ever again.

You know, if we weren't guaranteed a happy ending, I'd say this is the most likely outcome in real life. If it were me, my affections towards Willow will definitely fade. It'll bother me if it was someone I have strong feelings for, which is the case here with Tara. But luckily

Donnie and Faith are collaborating? Are they also dating? Or just being sneaky together?

You're only the second person to spot this. And what do I say about it? (I'm liking this smiley a lot today.)

~~~~~

justin

D'oh! Of course I meant to suggest that Willow leave a box of Thorntons chocolates

I can't believe I missed that chance to tease you! Thorntons are the best, naturally. [/straight face]

I do agree to a certain extent about Tara worrying whether it's the last time Willow will lie to her. Willow to her is nice and a bit innocent, so the elaborateness of the lie contributed to how she mad she is.

Re: Faith, I haven't planned on developing her character or looking into her motives but she's the sort of empty person who feeds on other people's emotions, be it discomfort, affection or whatever, though she's not malicious she's inconsiderate of others. I think she doesn't really know what she's looking for either.

Aha! Another observant observer about Donnie / Anya / Faith. Good stuff.

~~~~~

willohand

I'm getting more and more aren't I? Hold on tight now, big bend coming up!

~~~~~

witchlove

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you're liking the story.

~~~~~



[br]

[watty]

Title: Geek Love
Author: watty
email: hiddenwatson at gmaildotcom
Distribution: please email me first
Rating: PG-13 to R
Disclaimers: BtVS characters and concepts belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. Densha Otoko characters and concepts belong to Fuji Television, Toho Ltd and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Shy geek rescues and falls in love with perfect woman. No, does not compute.
Notes: this is based on the Japanese phenomenon, densha otoko ("train man"), which was supposed to be a true story and which begat a book, several manga series, a film, and a tv series. This is also my first attempt at fluff. Hee.
Notes 2: the IRC channel #geeklove actually exists on irc.blitzed.org, thanks to MistressWashi for setting it up for me.



Part 18

Willow looked around at her collection of action figures, toys, video games and comics. Perhaps it was time to leave her geekdom behind, to show Tara that she was mature and worthy. She was acutely aware of the differences in their lives and backgrounds. She was also aware that she had initially presented a persona to Tara that wasn't the real her. It was as if she was leading a double life, the geek whose favorite hang-out was the comic store had little in common with the polite and well-dressed 'normal' person who visited trendy restaurants. She should have realized that it was a matter of time before the two collided.

The last two weeks had been the most miserable in her life. She relived every moment of that fateful day, Tara's expression as she said she no longer wanted to see her was vivid in her mind's eye. She regretted lying to Tara. She knew it was wrong, and shouldn't have let her fear of rejection cloud her judgment. She should have told Tara about the importance of the convention. She should have told Xander and Andrew she could only join them for a few hours in the morning. She should definitely not have taken more care of the tickets.

If only life wasn't so full of if only's.

She changed into pajamas and lay down in her bed, staring at the ceiling for the longest time before she was able to sleep.

The Willow Rosenberg who stood up to a drunk old man on the train seemed to be another person from another universe. She had so much on her mind now, she needed to clear her head, find out what was important to her, and act on it. The nerdy Willow Rosenberg would have shirked away from the gravity of the situation. But she hadn't experienced how it felt like to be in love. To have someone so intensely occupy her mind and spirit that it ached to be away from her. Or to have suffered shame and heartbreak so enormous that it was no longer possible to breath under the stifling pressure.

She had changed. And it was all because of Tara. Her one moment of bravery brought Tara into her life; her stupidity cost her Tara. Now she had to pull something special out of her bag of tricks to get her back.

*****

It had not been a happy two weeks for Tara either. Cordy commented on how drab she looked lately and Anya had to do some quick intervention to prevent Tara from blowing her top at their self-centered friend. Donnie tried to be sympathetic, but it was clear that he thought Tara was a fool for being so harsh on Willow. There was also something going on with him and Anya that she knew she should investigate, but she was too wrapped up in her own world that she didn't have the energy to look into it.

By tradition, she stayed up till midnight on days like Christmas, New Year's and her birthday. She knew she was being sentimental, wanting to usher in the first minute of these eventful days like an impatient child. It was her birthday. That evening she'd gone out with a group of people from work, who insisted on treating her for dinner. She was quiet throughout the meal, as she had been for two weeks.

She knew that the real reason for her melancholy was that she missed Willow. However every time she started to think of Willow she reminded herself of her zero tolerance policy on lies. Her heartstrings were well and truly being pulled in all directions.

She noted the time. Almost exactly midnight.

brrrring brrrring

She wasn't expecting anyone to call this late, but her heart betrayed her by doing a leap at the caller display. She seriously considered letting it go to voicemail, but finally relented.

"Hi," she answered.

"Oh! Hi," Willow said in a strange voice. She didn't expect Tara to answer and had rehearsed a babbly speech for the voicemail.

Beat.

"Happy Birthday, Tara," Willow said in a more steady voice.

"What's this about?" Tara asked.

"I want to give you something, for your birthday," Willow's said.

"We've been through this already, I don't think we should see each other anymore," Tara was fighting between delight at Willow calling and exasperation at Willow calling.

"I don't want to think about that!" Willow interrupted. "I'll be at the fountain at 7 o'clock tonight. I'll have your present with me."

Tara's lips pursed into a straight line. "I won't be there."

"I'll be waiting even if you don't come," Willow asserted. "Bye." And with that Willow rang off, without giving Tara the opportunity to say anything else.

*****

[blockquote]
she probably won't come, but I'm gonna wait all night if I have to

I always thought time moves at a steady rate because hello! scientist here. But that was before I met Tara. When I'm not with her, when I'm waiting till I'd see her ... that time seems to drag on for eternity. But when I'm with her, it's over like a flash.

thank you everyone, I won't be who I am without you guys

wish me luck
[/blockquote]

*****

"You're a sentimental fool, Willow," Faith self-consciously wiped a rare tear from her eye as she switched off her computer. Time to get dressed.

*****

6.57pm. The fountain.

Willow carefully set the fragile box down next to her and sat at her usual spot. She tried hard not to look at her watch every 10 seconds.


7.08pm. The Greenhouse.

Tara made a silent wish and blew out the candles on the large birthday cake amidst a lively rendition of "happy birthday" by the assortment of guests at the restaurant. There was much cheering and clapping, everyone at the party seemed to want a photo with Tara, she felt like she had a permanent smile plastered to her face. She took a surreptitious glance at her watch.


7.35pm. The fountain.

Willow stood up and paced around to loosen her stiff joints. Eight paces right, turn around, Eight paces left. This ensured she stayed within a few feet of her spot. She had taken off her watch and placed it on top of the box.


7.50pm. The Greenhouse.

"It's a nice party, don't you think?" Anya brought two glasses of champagne and handed one to Tara.

Tara was looking at her watch. "Um yes. Nice." She drained the glass of champagne in one gulp.


7.51pm. The fountain.

Willow put her watch back on. It was no use pretending to ignore it. She watched as other people came and went.

It started to rain.


8.04pm. The Greenhouse.

"Should we go out for a walk?" Anya asked Donnie.

Donnie had been keeping a discreet eye on the door all night, and was pleased to see a figure approach.

"Actually, I can't tonight. Excuse me," he set his drink down on the nearest surface and hurried over to greet the newcomer.

"Fashionably late, I see," he smiled.

Faith grinned. "Uh huh. It's raining outside."


8.13pm. The fountain.

Willow desperately tried to protect the package from the rain, but it, like all of her, was completely drenched.


8.27pm. The Greenhouse.

"May I sit?" Faith asked.

Tara shrugged and watched as Faith sat down. Unlike all of the other guests, she didn't give the tight-fitting leather pants a second look.

"Happy birthday, Tara," Faith said politely.

"Thank you," Tara replied.

"She isn't here?" Faith looked craned her neck and looked around. Of course she had already scouted the room and noted who were present and who were absent.

"Who?"

"You know who. Willow," she paused. "Then I guess she's waiting somewhere else."

Tara looked at Faith with an unreadable expression.

Undeterred, Faith continued. "You know, I can't believe how anyone can be as geeky and clumsy as her."

"She's not clumsy," Tara immediately leapt to Willow's defense.

Faith hid a knowing smile. "I usually stay a mile away from people like her. But somehow she's grown on me and I can't ignore her when she needs help."

"She's the type who easily grows on you," Tara said wistfully.

Faith let that comment stew for a few moments. "Tara, do you think that time passes at a steady rate?"

"Huh?"

"This is what Will told me. 'When you're waiting for someone you like, time seems drag on for eternity. But when you're with that someone, it's over like a flash.' Right now, she's in eternity, waiting for you." Faith made a show of looking at her watch. "Or should I say, was waiting. In this rain, she would've gone home by now."

Faith watched a host of emotions flashed through Tara. "I have to go," she finally said in a strangled voice. And almost knocked over her stool in her hurry to leave.

"Wait! It's raining cats and dogs. Where are you going?" Faith chased after her and managed to grab Tara just by the door.

"The fountain," Tara shouted, running so hard that Faith had to let go.

*****

Willow was shivering. She could hardly keep her eyes open with the droplets that were dripping from her hair onto her face. Even her fingers were dripping water. Her scientific mind vaguely registered that her body was over 60% water, her brain 75% and her lungs 90%.

"I should just breathe the stuff in," she muttered to herself.

She could hardly see through the curtain of rain, so she jumped out of her skin when as if by magic, Tara appeared in front of her.

"What are you doing? How long have you been sitting out here?" Tara's voice was full of worry and anguish.

Willow wasn't sure if she was shivering from the cold, the rain or from joy at seeing Tara. "I wanted to go buy an umbrella, but I was so afraid I'd miss you if I left this spot," she tried to explain.

"What were you thinking?"

"Thinking? Your smile," Willow said stupidly.

Tara instinctively retreated at Willow's words. "Don't ..."

"I'm renouncing my geekiness. You won't see me ogling over cartoon characters or reading comics anymore. I want to be an equal to you, not some silly girl you can't even take to your company events."

"Will, that's not why I'm angry at you. Being a geek is part of you, and I'm attra... I recognize that part of you. I'm mad because you lied to me. It was a small lie, but I couldn't get over it. I can't trust that you won't lie to me again, and it scares me."

"Oh. Shit. I'm a jerk. Here, happy birthday anyway. I tried to shield it from the rain, but everything's so wet. When did it get so dark," Willow slurred. She was numb and couldn't follow any of the thoughts in her mind. She tried to hand the present to Tara, but her arms and legs felt like lead all of a sudden. She saw a bright flash of stars, and then everything went black as she collapsed. The sound of her hitting the ground reverberated with the sound of broken china from Tara's present as it too crashed to the ground.

"Willow!" Tara tried to catch Willow but she had slipped to the ground before she could reach her. She rushed to Willow's side and struggled to cradle the redhead with one hand while holding her umbrella with the other. She was frantic, Willow's eyes were closed and her breath shallow.

"Willow!!!!"

*****

[br]

[Belli Bear]

YEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!

yes girls and boys! lets count those bouncies! 1.. 2.. THREE! heeh sorry.. excited..

im really liking how all of this is playing out, its very realistic, because of course a huge part of me wants tara to just get over it and pull willow into her arms and have lotsa babies but thats just not realistic in the real world you've gotta work for anything worth having! i must say i really think willow is super sweet for withstanding the rain for as long as she did

this part particularly captured me

"I wanted to go buy an umbrella, but I was so afraid I'd miss you if I left this spot,"

*siiiigh* there's the girl thats bound to (somewhat clumsily..) sweep tara off her feet..

now! just gotta wait another torturous seven days before i get another fix *sits and waits...., twitching*

for your efforts!

-bell

[Willowtree252]

Oh Watty you are the master and I bow before you oh great one. How on earth can my heart break for both girls at the sametime. yes Willow made mistakes but now I fear Tara is because she has had it bad before but willow has not so she needs to learn hello geek here. There must be comunication in this or it won,t work. I will worry all week about our girls and gay love anytime soon and will batgirl date Dianneswillowtree all this will be come to light in 7days

[mag]

ok, I think willow collapsed because that despite all of her effort, she will lose tara no matter what, tara was there to tell her just let it go and leave her alone, that comes to her to the fountain to in that rain to tell her just leave and dont bother her anymore, she is beeter without willow.

willow told her that she reanounce to a very important thing in her life and tara just said NO.
Tara told her that the lie was hurt her the most, but ok that is iportant to tara because she suferred so much in the past because of the lies, but willow is changing not just for tara if not for herself and noone can see what importat that is for willow.

I dont know what will happen next but willow to that point where she collapsed was clear that tara want nothing with her and maybe that after she wakes up, I dont know, maybe tara will be with her or not.I dont know.

see you soon very very very very very very very very very very soon.

mar
excuse me for my bad english

[SithLordWiccan]

Well, watty, you've done it again. I'm not terribly sure what I find more enjoyable about this story: the fact that it's had me feel so many different emotions at so many different times or the fact that its so well written that I can get that emotionally invested in it.

I can understand what you said before, about Tara being more upset about the fact that Willow's lie came out the way it did than the fact that she actually did it. And I can certainly sympathize with her, since the surfing incident made it completely obvious that she loves Willow just the way that she is, and that Willow doesn't need to change who and what she is in order to impress her.

The problem, of course, is that Willow didn't realize this, and kept making things more difficult by spazzing out about the fact that she had to choose between going to the convention or being with Tara, even though she could have gone to both had she realized that one was in the morning, the other in the evening. Personally, as I have said before, if I had been given that choice, I would have chosen to go with Tara (and I'm sure that others would agree). Of course, Willow chose to go to the convention, Tara found out, and now things are a mess.

She had changed. And it was all because of Tara.

That's what I've liked the most about this story: the fact that Willow has undergone a real change in her character. The thing is, though, I don't think she realizes the exact change that she’s undergone.

"I'm renouncing my geekiness. You won't see me ogling over cartoon characters or reading comics anymore. I want to be an equal to you, not some silly girl you can't even take to your company events."

It’s stuff like this, along with Willow’s early actions towards Tara, that have made me think that she believes if she were change from a shy, mousy geek to a glamorous woman fit to live in higher society like Tara, she’ll be worthy of Tara’s love. But starting with the surfing incident, and when Tara had told Willow that they could have worked something out about the convention incident, and finally, with this…

"Will, that's not why I'm angry at you. Being a geek is part of you, and I'm attra... I recognize that part of you.

…I think, or rather, I hope that Willow knows that all she needs to win Tara’s heart is to be herself.

It’s rather unfortunate, however, that she’s had to learn that the hard way. But at least she is determined to make things right. And of course, I had to cheer inside a bit as Willow told Tara that, no matter what, she’d wait for her at the fountain to give Tara her present. That just goes to show you how far she’s willing to go to make Tara happy. Even though Tara told her she wasn’t going to come, she was going to wait for her anyway. That’s what true love is.

And who would have thought that I would be cheering for Faith at the start of this fic. She, as much as Willow, has certainly changed a great deal. Well, perhaps not as much as Willow, but enough to make Tara realize just how much she and Willow are right for one another, so YAY! for her. (And it’s a lot more than I can say about Anya, who seems to think that the best way to help Tara is to tell her to stay away from Willow.)

And just when everything’s going all so well…BAM! OMG! DRAMA! Having had to suffer through a cold, wet rainstorm on Tuesday, I can certainly feel for Willow right now. Let’s hope that, now that she and Tara are on speaking terms again (I hope), Tara can take care of her and make her feel better.

As soon as this fic is finished, I'm posting in the Pens Recommendation Thread that this is a story that everyone should read. Yes, it is that good. (And it seems that, once again, I've leaft a rather large amount of feedback. I must be getting better at this.)

Kudos, watty!

[justin]

Ooh going for the pity vote, good call

I mean I don't think Willow deliberately gave herself pneumonia and then collapsed just in order to gain Tara's sympathy, but it can't hurt. Of course even if this does make Tara reopen the lines of communication it's still up to Willow to show that she's learnt the error of her ways and isn't going to lie any more.

Did I spot Tara almost saying that Willow being a geek was part of her attraction. very true, geeks are hot. I just hope that Willow spotted it as well.

So Tara's noticed something between Donnie and Anya. This seems to be further evidence that he's two timing Anya with Faith.

I think the biggest reason why Tara should give Willow another chance is that she's obviously miserable without her.

Looking forward to the next part

[Candleshoe]

The thing I like best, the thing that speaks to me the most about how much Willow is changing, is that she actually waited.

She didn't just make an empty promise; she didn't just stick at it until it became uncomfortable; she didn't stay until the effort outweighed the reward; she actually stayed until Tara showed up. Just like she said she would. Keeping one promise at a time is the way to win this one, Willow.....

I'm not sure that collapsing is the most romantic thing in the world, but sitting in the rain to give someone a gift most definitely is. *dreamy sigh*

"Mr & Mrs Bobblybottoms" indeed....I'm still giggling at that....

[PancakesinBellies]

Le sigh...Very touching update. I think that both Tara and Willow are figuring out how hard it is to be without the other one and I really like that. I'm looking forward to the next update!

[Boschi]

Oh, the grand gesture, the tragic figure in the rain, the drenched, shivering little-un swooning and falling to the ground, the crash of delicate ceramics shattering. C'mon, Tara, c'mon! Yah gadda like dis. Ya gadda fall.

I sense a reconciliation dinner in the future. Perhaps planned by Willow based on Tara's favorites. 'Cause, see, this would mean that the menu would be part of the story. This is vitally important Watty, vitally. Food is the food of love I tell you. (Pie actually, but I'm not picky - any nummy thing will do).



I know, I'm obnoxious. But I'm reading - I'm a fan!

- Boschi

[witchlove]

Oh I need an update. What happened to Willow? Is she okay? watty help.

[diamondforever]

Well, there's some drama for the masses! Willow and the hypothermia, perhaps?

[watty]

Belli Bear

I knew you'd rise to the challenge, well done on triple dibs. methinks you have my posting schedule worked out somehow.

I really am very glad when you said

in the real world you've gotta work for anything worth having!

because making it real, yet geeky, is important to me in this fic. Willow was really sweet to wait so long, and be spazzy about not wanting to leave her 'post' -- I hope that came across as pretty realistic too. Thanks for all the smilies too.

~~~~~

Dianneswillowtree

Yes, they need to communicate more clearly, and it's pretty clear that Tara doesn't mind Willow being a geek at all. Update next.

~~~~~

mag

Well Willow collapsed because she'd been standing in the rain for an hour and her body was weakened, but there's the emotional toll too. Thanks for spotting that it's also important to Willow has to come to terms with herself, and that being a geek doesn't matter.

~~~~~

Alex

Hey, another feedback essay, thank you.

the fact that it's had me feel so many different emotions at so many different times

welcome to the geek love all-you-can-feel buffet, please stay a while. Silliness aside, thanks for spotting that Willow needs, and has slowly managed, to change her thinking -- being a geek is a-ok, and she needs to accept this herself, the issue isn't with Tara (as she keeps thinking in her mind).

It’s rather unfortunate, however, that she’s had to learn that the hard way.

Good point. And though we feel rather protective of 'our' characters, it's much more realistic. Life isn't full of puppies and flowers. I didn't want the transformation to happen overnight, but she's getting there.

re: Faith. She has also made great strides in her character development. I just wish there was more space to get into her head, but I wanted to focus on W/T.

Thanks again, Alex. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

~~~~~

justin

you cynical you, thinking Willow deliberately got herself sick to get the sympathy vote. I doubt it was on her mind, but if getting Tara back is the end result, perhaps she would have gone for it too.

I think the biggest reason why Tara should give Willow another chance is that she's obviously miserable without her.

Yes. Acts of heroism / matyrdom is one thing, heartfelt emotions is another. Tara isn't that cold hearted, she'll come round.

~~~~~

Shoe-y

A part of me thought it was stupid of Willow to wait so long, because Tara had said she wasn't showing up. But you're right, Willow made a promise and she stuck to it. It had a large dose of wishful thinking and stubborn-ness mixed in, but she really is changing for the better. Great observation, thanks!

~~~~~

highlandlass25

I think that both Tara and Willow are figuring out how hard it is to be without the other one and I really like that.

*nods* Slowly and surely they are. I didn't want to rush things, but they are getting there.

~~~~~

Boschi

Oh, the grand gesture, the tragic figure in the rain, the drenched, shivering little-un swooning and falling to the ground, the crash of delicate ceramics shattering.

Who would've thought I had so much dramatus in me. Reconciliation dinner, eh? food for thought (*groan*). Thanks O Obnoxious Foodie Fan.

~~~~~

witchlove

What happened to Willow will be revealed next chapter, coming next.

~~~~~

diamondforever

drama for the masses!

update next, when we move one step closer to resolution.

~~~~~


[br]

[watty]

Title: Geek Love
Author: watty
email: hiddenwatson at gmaildotcom
Distribution: please email me first
Rating: PG-13 to R
Disclaimers: BtVS characters and concepts belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. Densha Otoko characters and concepts belong to Fuji Television, Toho Ltd and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Shy geek rescues and falls in love with perfect woman. No, does not compute.
Notes: this is based on the Japanese phenomenon, densha otoko ("train man"), which was supposed to be a true story and which begat a book, several manga series, a film, and a tv series. This is also my first attempt at fluff. Hee.
Notes 2: the IRC channel #geeklove actually exists on irc.blitzed.org, thanks to MistressWashi for setting it up for me.

Additional note: read more about how putting an ICE entry in your cellphone may one day save your life.



Part 19

Tara sat by the bed. She didn't know what to do.

"Hi there, how are you doing?" the nurse asked her, as she efficiently checked Willow's vitals and recorded them on the chart at the bottom of the bed. Willow was looking less like a drowned chicken now that she'd been dried off. The cut at the side of her head from her fall had also been taken care of by neat sutures.

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about Willow. Do you know what's wrong with her?" she asked.

"I'll leave that for the doctor to tell you, but she's not in any danger. The doctor probably wants her to stay overnight just to make sure she's fine, especially since she hit her head," the nurse reassured her. "He'll want someone to sign consent. Is there someone you can call for her?"

"I'm not sure. Her parents are abroad, may be I can reach her friend Xander, but I don't know his number," Tara said helplessly.

"Do you want to try to look through her cellphone for the number of her friend? Some people have ICE entries in their phones, in fact, we strongly encourage all our patients to do the same."

"ICE?"

"In case of emergency. In emergency situations all the paramedics need to do is to call up the entry under 'i' -- it saves us having to guess who to call if the patient is unconscious. Sometimes 'Dad' or 'Sis' may not be the right person," the nurse explained.

"Ah, okay," Tara said.

When she tried to switch Willow's cellphone on, it remained stubbornly blank, even after shaking and poking. She borrowed a charger from one of the staff at the nurses' station but couldn't get the phone to work. The battery had either died or the device was damaged by the rain.

In the same pile of Willow's personal items was a box. Her birthday present, as Willow said before she fainted. Tara gently took it in her lap, and was dismayed as she heard the distinct rattling of broken china or glass. She was upset that she couldn't stop it from falling to the ground. Couldn't catch Willow before she hit her head with that sickening crunch.

She sat by Willow's bed until the end of visiting hours, watching over Willow.

*****

"Tara?" Willow's eyes felt sticky and her throat was dry as a parchment. Her head felt like and there was a steady beeping coming from somewhere above her head.

With difficulty she opened one eye and tried to look around. She was in bed with stiff white sheets, there was a tube attached to her arm and the room smelled of antiseptic.

She closed her eye and opened it again. Then it all came back.

Waiting for Tara.

Rain.

Black-out.

She was in the hospital.

She tried to prop herself up on her elbows, but had to stop when a sharp pain stabbed through her head.

"You want to sit up?"

She turned toward the source of that voice and nodded at the nurse. "Thanks," she croaked.

"I'll let the doc know you're up. How are you feeling?" the nurse asked, quickly taking Willow's pulse, temperature and blood pressure.

"Headache. Water."

The nurse handed her a glass of water and watched as she drank it all in a few seconds. She placed the jug near Willow. "I'll be right back. I think your friend will be back soon."

"Friend?"

"Blonde girl, you know her?"

"Tara?"

"She brought you in, stayed with you all night. Is there someone you need to contact? What about your parents?"

"They're in Shanghai until Thanksgiving. When I can leave?"

"The doctor will see you first," the nurse said sternly as she finished writing down Willow's stats and left her alone.

Willow was pouring herself a second glass of water when Tara backed in through the door, one arm holding a brown paper package of food and the other a glass vase with flowers. She saw that Willow was awake and sitting up. The relief on her face was so evident.

"You're up," Tara said, and blushed at her obvious statement. She set the vase down next to the bed, stepping back to check that the arrangement looked fine. With a satisfied nod she sat down at the edge of Willow's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Aside from my head wanting to fall off?" They shared a little laugh. Willow shifted so she could look at the flowers directly. "These are beautiful, did you ...?"

Tara nodded. "Hope you like them. Has the doctor been yet? The nurse said he's doing rounds soon."

"Not yet. But after that I want to go home. Do you, um, do you want to come with me?"

"Willow, this doesn't change anything between us," Tara moved from her perch at the side of the bed, her arms wrapped around herself in a gesture, to Willow, of shutting her out.

The doctor chose this moment to arrive and proceeded to examine Willow. Tara excused herself and went outside to the corridor, but not before noticing the forlorn look on Willow's face. She found a seat on the bench and put her head in her hands. She was torn between a concern for Willow that she was sure went beyond an ordinary friend's, and the wariness that she felt toward Willow since the day of the ill-fated convention. One thing she was sure, she wasn't ready to pick up with Willow where they left off. Not yet. Not ever.

"Miss? The doctor is finished, you can go back inside now," the nurse helpfully prompted her.

She found Willow in the same position she left her in, but distracted and thoughtful. She looked up at Tara's entrance but didn't say anything, instead green eyes followed Tara across the room and to the uncomfortable hard chair at the foot of the hospital bed. Tara hadn't said anything since entering, once slumped on the chair she kept her head lowered and studied the linoleum floor intently.

Willow regarded Tara evenly and knew she had to give Tara space. The old Willow would have either burst out in tears or skunked away in defeat. But after standing in the rain for two hours and hitting her head hard, she somehow gained a different perspective.

"Look Tara. I heard what you said. I was wrong, but I want to know ... was I that wrong that you completely shut me off and won't even hear my explanation?" It was making her headache worse, but she had to get it out.

"I can't tolerate lies. All my life, it's been one lie after another. How can I trust you?" Tara finally looked up and her voice was as filled with emotion as Willow's.

"It's not the lie, it's about trust isn't it?" Willow ventured.

"If you want to put it that way," Tara shrugged.

"Aside from this one little indiscretion, have I given you reason to think that you can't trust me?"

Tara thought for a moment. "I don't know. Seeing you there, that day, it was like I didn't know you. That there's a big part of your life that I wasn't aware of, that you weren't sharing with me. I understand we're not at a stage when we're trading secrets, but I felt like you were ashamed of me, or something," she said carefully.

Willow looked away, finally realizing that she could no longer afford to separate the different parts of her life. But she needed to think. And it looked like Tara needed some thinking space too.

"Tara, I miss you, I don't want you out of my life completely. At least consider that? But I won't push you, okay?"

Tara was surprised and gratified to hear the compromise offered by Willow. For the first time since the frantic 911 call for the ambulance last night, she allowed herself a thin smile. "I'll think about it, Will. That's all I'll promise," she said.

"I'll call Xander to pick me up, you don't need to worry about me," Willow said.

"No, no. I can take you home. I didn't mean it that way," Tara clarified.

"I don't want to impose. I really think it's better to ask Xander, it's more convenient," Willow insisted. "Please?"

Tara had to concede, really. "Alright, call me tonight? Make sure you're okay?"

Ironically Willow had to borrow Tara's phone to call Xander, her own was definitely a write-off. He promised to pick her up as soon as her discharge paperwork came through.

Tara had no further reason to stay. It was probably for the better if she left Willow alone, so she hugged Willow goodbye and returned home.

They had talked a little about their feelings, hugged each other and promised to talk on the phone tonight. If anything she felt closer to Willow than at any point during the last two weeks. It didn't feel like they had broken up, and it scared her.

*****

[blockquote]
[19.02] Connecting ...
[19.02] Logging in ...
[19.02] *** Welcome to CGI:IRC 0.5.3 (2003/10/29)
[19.02] -oregano.cgiirc.blitzed.org- *** Looking up your hostname...
[19.02] -oregano.cgiirc.blitzed.org- *** Found your hostname, cached
[19.02] -oregano.cgiirc.blitzed.org- *** Checking Ident
[19.02] -oregano.cgiirc.blitzed.org- *** Got Ident response
[19.02] *** -
[19.02] *** - This is a CGI:IRC server connected to the Blitzed IRC Network
[19.02] *** hiddenred [www-data@n20407818022] has joined #geeklove
[19.02] *** mode/#geeklove [+nt] by ChanServ
[19.02] *** Topic is: where's willow?
[19.02] *** Topic set by uberqueen [Tue Oct 16 23:56:37 2006]
[19.02] *** Channel created on Wed Oct 17 17:31:14 2006

Willow!

omg, where have you been? we were worried sick

we figured either you got lucky or something horrible happened

hihi. well it's a bit of both I guess

she came to meet me, but I'd been in the rain for too long and I fainted when she got there

she took me to hospital and they kept me overnight, sorry I wasn't able to check in with you guys

don't worry about that, are you okay?

they ran tests on you?

I have a mother of a headache but I'll be fine



we talked a little, getting hit on the head made me much braver and I said some things I wouldn't have been able to say before. I think it's because I know how much I have to lose

so you grew a pair?

lol well you've already made the impossible, possible

I told her I don't want her out of my life, but I wasn't gonna push her either. the ball's in her court

lol at the tennis reference

if she'll have me again, I'm not gonna lie to her anymore. I'll show her who I really am, no more pretense. gonna get my priorities right

wow, you really did grow that pair

does it mean she'll come here to chat with us?

we don't want to scare her away

we're not scary. she might even find us nice

one step at a time

yeah, I'm not sure she'll ever be ready for us

- snip -
[/blockquote]

*****

"So you took her to the hospital, took care of her, bought her flowers, and talked on the phone. Which part of 'we broke up' is that?" Anya always had a knack of summarizing her questions and concerns as succinctly as possible. Anya also was extremely direct and didn't mince words, for which Tara was glad usually. But not now when she felt like Anya was giving her the special third degree treatment.

"There are things we need to sort out," Tara accepted.

"Tara, I only met the girl once, I didn't think she's the right one for you. But lately she's all you think about, one way or the other; she obviously feels the same way. If you're going to play with her feelings, leave her alone. It's not fair on her," Anya said.

"I can't excuse the lie," Tara realized that she must have said that a dozen times, to herself, to Willow, to Anya.

"You're too hung up on people lying," Anya pointed out.

"Every time someone lies to me, I end up getting hurt by them," Tara could still remember each and every lie and hurt that had been inflicted on her. It was something so heavy in her heart.

"Everybody lies, but not every lie is a betrayal. There can be reasons. You can't just group them all under one category. Shit, I have to run, catch up at lunch?" Anya squeezed Tara's shoulder in reassurance and left for her meeting.

*****

Willow was in the shower. Her headwound had cleared since she came home from hospital two days ago, but she still had to be careful not to aggravate the cut. The needles of hot water worked wonders in alleviating the pain in her neck and she mentally made a note to run a hot bath soon.

She vaguely heard the doorbell, only registering it after a few persistent chimes.

She hurriedly put on a robe and padded downstairs, leaving a trail of wet footprints on the stairs.

"Who is ..." she was so stunned that she could only stand and stare stupidly at her visitor.

"I should have called first."

*****

[br]

[mole]

DIBS!!!

ETA:
Watty, this cliffhanger thing has got to stop. Argh! First you leave us with Willow unconscious in the rain and now you leave us with a dripping Willow and Tara at the door. Evil - that's all there is to it.

Willow regarded Tara evenly and knew she had to give Tara space. The old Willow would have either burst out in tears or skunked away in defeat. But after standing in the rain for two hours and hitting her head hard, she somehow gained a different perspective.

Guess that fall knocked some sense into our favorite geek, eh? (I know, I know...it's a groaner, but I couldn't resist ) Seems like Willow may finally be realizing that she doesn't need to be anyone other than herself. Time to let Tara see the "real" her and hope that Tara responds.

Speaking of Tara, I'm a bit cranky with her. Yes, she's been burned before. And yes, lying is generally a bad thing. But she seems to be going a wee bit overboard here. All I can say is Yay, Anya! She's rude, she's abrupt, but the woman calls it like it is.

So....what's next????

Michelle

[SithLordWiccan]

ARGH! OK, I didn't get DIBS! But I will be leaving fb...as soon as I can.

ETA: OK, I'm back.

First off, watty, I've got to applaud you on what you've done here. You've been saying how it wouldn't exactly be realistic for Willow and Tara to get back together so quickly. And you've done a good job of that, though I hope that now that we've finished with all the drama (I hope) that things are going to be better between the two of them. I mean, yeah, I'm all for angst, but I would like to think that, given where we're at now, that OMG DRAMA!!!1 situations would be at a minimum. Of course, I won't complain if you decide to throw us a curveball, but if the story’s near the end, I don’t think we need to have anymore angst or drama.

And speaking of curveballs, I have a feeling I know who it is that's come to visit Willow, which means that one of two things is likely to happen: either we're about to have some more of that OMG DRAMA!!!1 I mentioned before, or we're about to see the one thing that I never thought I would see in this fic. I'm not sure which it will be, but I'll sit the week out in order to find out.

And Anya's got the right idea. If Willow’s willing (heh) to go through all she has in order to win Tara’s love, then Tara really needs to get up off her high horse and realize that the fact that Willow lied to her isn’t as bad as she thinks. Yeah, she did it, but at least now she admits that it was a big mistake. Most people in her position wouldn’t.

Anyways, can’t think of anything more to say. Sorry for not leaving much of a feedback essay this week. Don't feel like there's a lot I can comment on this time. Still loving the story, though. Good work and keep it up.

[JustSkipIt]

Watty,
I'm so sorry about missing doing fb on the last. I can't even say how hard typing is and it makes me jhust so frustrated.!!!!! Anyway, I wasn't thrilled with Willow's plan. I mean there's a line between commutted and kind of crayzy and stalkjerish. Actually I'm glad to hear from this one that she was only there 2 hours. Not so crazy and stalkerish. Now I',mm startring to get irritated with Tara thoigh. I mean why go out there at all if she doesn't care and can't even discuss why it huirt her so mich? So she goes out there and takes Willow to the hospital (I guess you say to hospital but I'll include the article) but then is all "this doesn't change anything..." Mixed signals, TAra. A bit. It sems like Willow did a very good job here of sayuing her words and then backing off and I'm impressed with that. Now someone's at the door? Interesting...

[PancakesinBellies]

Dripping wet Willow...Well, if you have to have a cliff-hanger, I guess that's a better image to end on than most!

[Auriam]

Sorry i didn't post for the last chap, i had so much work to do !
Really great job !
Each time i read a chap the only thought i have is goodiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie more more more pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So i will just tell you thank you for you wonderful story ! !


Oh i almost forget Willow is soo cute !