Lamplight

[GayNow]

Oh! Happy Dance! I'm one of the first to reply again! Go me! Go me! (Yep, still in need of a life over here.)

Whoo hoo for a long fic from watson! The longer the better! Oh, and angst? It's gonna be angsty? Double Whoo hoo! I'm an angst girl. I love me some angst. And you write it so well! YAY!

I'm sensing a theme there, could it be that you want a blissful reunion?

Well, blissful reunions are always of the good. But, being the angst girl that I am, they don't have to be instantly blissful. I mean, the bliss can come after the initial reunion. Just so long as there is bliss at some point. And I trust you...I know you will eventually provide us with bliss. (I don't think I've ever typed the word "bliss" so often in one sitting.)

BANNED? You were BANNED? I sowwy. That really sucks. I will make sure to stay on the board 24/7 for both of us...you're here in spirit and that's what counts.

Okay, so on to Chapter 2 -- and I have to add that providing feedback chapter by chapter is going to be difficult since I've read through chapter 9 and know what's coming up. But I will try to treat each chapter individually.

You seem to be the Queen of Foreshadowing, watson. Everywhere I turn in this fic, I see the set up for angst later down the line.

Hallie continued, "Or the friends end up on opposite sides of an argument, or something very important, or they fight over possession of the same thing. Neither wants to budge, eventually there's got to be a winner, and therefore a loser. The friendship always lose."

The girls were too innocent to understand, "What's the big deal? If they're really such good friends they should come up with a compromise."

This just sets us up for the angst that is yet to come, I know it. And, not just the angst from the chapters I've already read. I'm sure that isn't even the tip of the angsty iceberg in your mind. But, you continue to set us up in this chapter:

"See? We'll never fight over something like this."

It occurred to both girls at the same time, that perhaps the ring was not important. Would there one day be something sufficiently important that might drive them apart.

Both kept the thought to herself.

Perhaps they weren't too innocent to understand, after all. You do this so wonderfully, watson.

Tara seems to be in a bit of a quandry through this chapter (and, perhaps, her life). On the one hand, she thinks ill of those who want naught but the almighty dollar:

"Still don't know who wins out of this scenario," Tara said, puzzled.

"Greed," said Willow. "No one wins."

"They deserve it, if you asked me," said Tara fervently.

On the other hand, she seems to see the attainment of money to be the solution to her problems, her panacea, if you will:

"I want to earn lots of money," Tara announced determinedly.

She seems far too dazzled by the whole thing:

"When I grow up I want to be like you, travel everywhere, have my own business, be independent," Tara said.

I see this bedazzlement playing a significant role later on down the line.

When it was time to leave, Hallie gave her card to both girls. On the thick, gold edged card was her name in flowing script and a telephone number.

Hmm....Is Aunt Hallie going to show up again sometime? Perhaps have some sort of significant impact on our girls' lives? Should be interesting to find out.

Watson watson watson....keep up the WONDERFUL writing, sweetie. And keep up with nagging Cam for updates. She needs us to nag her. She won't admit it, but she needs it.

As for the next fic challenge...hopefully we'll have something this weekend. The last one got SUCH a wonderful response...I don't know how I'm going to come up with a challenge to meet those standards.

Carleen

[cooper]

watson,

Oh to be in high school again. Or 14-15ish. How innocent and idyllic. You are correct about this generation of teens. I work with teenage girls of the troubled sort and they don't have this innocence. Thinking back as this passage made me all nostalgic, I had that viewpoint that my best friend was the most important and I would die if we weren't friends. I do think that some of that might have been the baby dyke yearning to come out, but still how intense those relationships were. The story is great. I am tempted to go hidden thoughts to read more, but then I would have to wait more so I will stay here without spoiling more of the story.

cooper

[justin]

This is a really good story.

We can tell how close Willow and Tara are since Willow didn't make any issue of this comment

"When you become the next Bill Gates,

Where I come from thems fighting words

To answer Tara's question

"Strange, everyone loses. Who wins?" Tara wondered.

I'd say the people who win are the stock brokers and the ones who sold at six dollars.

Though Tara did seem to be a bit harsh, saying that they deserve it, given the fact that Willow has been hurt by this.


Aunt Hallie seems to have a rather rose tinted view of modern life

Hallie sighed. "I envy your generation, you have so much opportunities. Just follow the yellow brick road and you'll reach your destination."

Shouldn't that be "Just follow the yellow brick road and you'll fall off the edge of a cliff, and then be eaten by man eating insects" ?

Of course Hallies comments about her friend were large with the foreboding. I wonder what exactly came between her and her friend.

Of course such comments would make Willow and Tara worry if something could come between them. The thing we have to wonder is if something will (given you've said the story will be angsty I'm guessing yes) and what it'll be.

[meretricious]

watson, i did read this at your site, but i like reading it here and processing it with the feedback, too. all the comments have got me thinking about those friendships i lived and died by at 14, and where they are now. one i'm still close to and a couple i keep tabs on, and then there's the one that got away....
really like your references to canon, buffy's list of boys, and the malcolm mention. seems easily like something that could have happened, obsessed computer boy, and exactly what the buffy universe was always illustrating in it's bigger than life way, nice to see how you bring it back down for a real world fic.
also liked how the girl's thoughts dovetail together at the end, wondering what could possibly drive them apart. of course that's something you can't know until it happens, and sometimes can't even comprehend the idea until it happens, but that doesn't stop it from happening.
and you called me quiet . not sure it's too accurate, but i like the idea that i could have made someone think i'm quiet.~mary

[Safuega]

Watson wrote:

Have faith?

Of course, I do! I have complete faith that you will put these two innocents through the wringer.

Wonderful update, Watson. I like the pace you have set so far. You are slowly setting us up for their inevitable split by showing us how they are starting to drift apart already even as they swear to never part company. Case in point, Tara is starting to realize that she might not like boys, while Willow is just happy to be noticed by them. Realizing you are a lesbian, or that your best friend is one, can be one of those make or break moments in anybody's life so I'm curious to see how this will play out between Willow and Tara. Also, excellent job integrating other BTVS characters into the story. My favorite characterization? Billy Fordham a.k.a. "Mr. Intensity"

Thanks for sharing.

Safuega

[tarawhipped]

Watson, once again I'm torn about how to leave feedback without giving away future events, though your evil foreshadowing at the end of Chapter 2 is like a big neon sign flashing "DANGER! ANGST AHEAD! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!" Mostly I just wanted to tell you how wonderfully you wrote the younger W/T. Good God, 14 is a lousy age...thanks for reminding me. You really captured how I remember feeling..that hodge-podge of emotions and the intensity of EVERYTHING. You flow seamlessly from their innocence and idealism one moment (love their dreaming about their future home) to their almost world-weary cynicism the next (without being patronizing toward them). I distinctly remember that sense of thinking you know SO much, and that no one else (outside of your immediate friends) gets it, but also feeling unsure of yourself and the future and adrift by forces outside your control.

So heartwrenching and beautiful...and now I'm going to go find solace in the Amazing Kitten Race, which I see you just updated.

-Cam

[Artemis]

If there was every any doubt that there be angst ahead, that chapter would've settled it. Ah, being young, everything seems so obvious, and you can't understand why people can't sort out their problems without making such a fuss about it. And then - as I sadly suspect is going to happen with our favourite girls - it'll be them in the middle of an argument, or panicking about something and making the wrong choices, and doing the sensible, level-headed thing just won't seem to be an option. This is like the emotional equivalent of a good horror movie, where you know something (probably a CGI-beast) is about to leap out any minute now, but it's still almost unbearably tense watching Willow and Tara with the feeling that their lives are going to change enormously, and they're not ready the way they think they are. Great work

[ringwaldoeuvre]

Lest I repeat the insightful feedback above, I would like to add that I really like the contrast of their youthful hope and the looming angst. It should come as no surprise that I am a sucker for a well-written, angsty story. This fic definitely fits the bill. Maybe it's the general impact of a good catharsis, but I always appreciate a long, difficult road to happiness. I particularly like the class conflict, and how it has affected Tara.

You say, "angst." I say, "bring it on." Looking forward to more!

~Mary

[stillrunning]

Ya know, as happy and young and carefree as the girls seem, you have that sense of angst just sitting in there so well. I love it!! Another awesome fic from you as always:) Can't wait for more.

[irishgrl3]

Watson, what a great chapter! It blows my mind how much this story takes me back to my high school years... dreaming of college and boys and then to college and girls.

" but Tara, who was privately nursing an inkling of a revelation about herself, was more reluctant."

Hmmm... I wonder what she's thinking.

I liked Tara's Aunt Hallie, she seems to have pretty good advice for the girls. I also think she probably has an idea about Tara because I believe she has been there herself. Looking forward to the next chapter!
-anna

[terra21]

Did I really say that I wanted some angst? I'm not so certain now.

You've certainly hinted at a doom and gloom future for these two girls. Big bad life is just waiting around the corner to attack em, chew em up, and spit em back out. Sounds vaguely familiar. It's been several years since I graduated high school and I don't keep in touch with anyone I went to school with even though we all promised we would

I think I'm gonna pull out my rejection stamp and make sure it's still intact, cause if this gets too angsty I might have to use it. (I know you're scared now.)


terra

[watty]

Replies then update (by Special Request).

All through high school I remember never even considering that the people I was friends with would one day not be there all the time or at all.

At that age, losing touch with your bestest closest friends is a totally alien and ridiculous concept. Why can't everyone get along? Why is life so difficult? You described it better than I could,

I believe this is around the time that the innocence and the shelteredness of life start to slip away.

There's no need to apologize, feedback is great, but I'm happy that you're reading and it's making you think.

~~~~~

Well, blissful reunions are always of the good. But, being the angst girl that I am, they don't have to be instantly blissful. I mean, the bliss can come after the initial reunion. Just so long as there is bliss at some point. And I trust you...I know you will eventually provide us with bliss. (I don't think I've ever typed the word "bliss" so often in one sitting.)

And I don't think I've ever read the work "bliss" so often in one paragraph. So, bliss? Hmmm. I'll think about it, hehehe !

I'm sure that isn't even the tip of the angsty iceberg in your mind

Oh not even close. Even though you're ahead of people in terms of chapters, that's just backstory! Yes, up to chapter 9, I still setting the scene. Talk about long drawn out, eh .

Tara seems to be in a bit of a quandry through

But at that age, emotions and beliefs still have to stablize, they haven't absorbed enough of RL to form firm opinions. May be they never will, but at that age principles are stronger, but it's harder to articulate.

Is Aunt Hallie going to show up again sometime? Perhaps have some sort of significant impact on our girls' lives?

Honestly? I haven't decided. This little visit sets up Tara to be determined to be like her Aunt, to be her own woman, to make her mark on the world. She hasn't had any comfort of real family, what family she's had was poor, and being transported to Hallie's world of opulence, even just for half a day, is sure to leave a huge impression. Whether Hallie shows up again, I don't know. Her influence though, will be around for a while.

And keep up with nagging Cam for updates. She needs us to nag her.

Noted. My task for tomorrow morning then.

~~~~~

I had that viewpoint that my best friend was the most important and I would die if we weren't friends.

Absolutely! Friendship at that age is so idealistic (and that's not in bad or derogatory way), but when you become an adult, somehow the intensity lessens and the value of friendship slips. It's a shame.

~~~~~

Where I come from thems fighting words

you're talking to someone whose Powerbook is not "contaminated" by anything from Redmond (oh, except one copy of IE, strictly for testing), so I hear ya. But for 14 year olds, it doesn't have that significance, yet.

Shouldn't that be "Just follow the yellow brick road and you'll fall off the edge of a cliff, and then be eaten by man eating insects"

Aunt Hallie's just full of clichés really. No one says "yellow brick road" nowadays, but I wanted her to have a larger than life feel, hence the her speech.

~~~~~

i did read this at your site

I don't think there's anyone from the IL area who hasn't read the fic till Chapter 9, who blabbed ???

all the comments have got me thinking about those friendships i lived and died by at 14, and where they are now. one i'm still close to and a couple i keep tabs on, and then there's the one that got away

I had friends, close friends, at 14. I don't keep in touch with any of them anymore. Nope, not a single one. And I remember the last day of high school when we stood in a tight circle and with tears in our eyes we swore that we'll always always be friends. Sigh.

also liked how the girl's thoughts dovetail together at the end, wondering what could possibly drive them apart

Sometimes that could be just one tiny tiny thing, that's the way of life.

~~~~~

I wasn't fortunate enough to attend college
It's an uphill battle always trying to prove yourself.

That hit it home for me, and that's what I was trying to show here. Like me, there was NEVER any question that Willow will NOT go to college, no matter how desperate her parents' financial situation became. However well meaning, however close she and Tara are, she will never be able to comprehend a life without a colleage degree. It's almost like telling her to chop her arms off (dramatic, but equally implausible in the Willowverse). So imagine her shock when Tara said she wasn't going to go to college?

I detect a little hint of jealousy from Tara. If she's not just the tiniest bit jealous that Willow is financially well off, then she's just a the tiniest bit jealous of Willow's intelligence.

As for Tara, I don't see that comment as jealousy, just resignation and acceptance of how her and Willow's life may split eventually. My impression is that Tara was good at school, and could have gotten financial aid and scholarships to go through college, but she was so desperate to get out of her Aunt's home that she became a little blinkered. Hallie's visit affected her that way too.

As always, thanks for reading .

~~~~~

I have complete faith that you will put these two innocents through the wringer.

:rotfl and you'll hold me to it if I don't deliver right?

Tara is starting to realize that she might not like boys, while Willow is just happy to be noticed by them. Realizing you are a lesbian, or that your best friend is one, can be one of those make or break moments in anybody's life

How well you put that! So true, so true! How many of us can attest to that, regardless of whether you come out or stay in the closet. Like Buffy's initial reaction to Will's declaration, despite her best intentions, she was freaked. It takes a lot of self-control not to.

~~~~~

I'm torn about how to leave feedback without giving away future events

see above reply to mary re: who blabbed?!!!

14 is a lousy age...thanks for reminding me

Thanks, any time I'll continue to remind you of how inadequate, how cheesy, how ungainly we all were at that age. Of course for some of us, we never grew up from that age (that's me, not trying to say anything about you, honest!!!)

that sense of thinking you know SO much, and that no one else (outside of your immediate friends) gets it, but also feeling unsure of yourself and the future and adrift by forces outside your control.

God you put that so succinctly, I mean it, no sarcasm. Yes, at that age, it's all.about.them, you know enough to think that you've got the world figured out, but looking back, it's all an illusion.

~~~~~

And then - as I sadly suspect is going to happen with our favourite girls - it'll be them in the middle of an argument, or panicking about something and making the wrong choices, and doing the sensible, level-headed thing just won't seem to be an option.

Or something incredible small and seemingly insignificant that slips an wedge between them. Yes, it's always those unsuspecting moments. Thanks for taking the time to read amongst your very heavy schedule, I hope it's going well. Take care.

~~~~~

I always appreciate a long, difficult road to happiness

It's the journey, not the destination, isn't it? Thank you for your words, you have a uncanny way of using a few well chosen words to describe something incredibly deep and your comments are always appreciated.

~~~~~

s happy and young and carefree as the girls seem, you have that sense of angst just sitting in there

yes, and I'm going to put them through the angst wringer before giving them eternal happiness. Come along for the ride !

~~~~~

dreaming of college and boys and then to college and girls

things change!

I liked Tara's Aunt Hallie, she seems to have pretty good advice for the girls. I also think she probably has an idea about Tara because I believe she has been there herself.

Great catch. No, not the being gay part. But the coming from a poor family part. She clawed and climbed out of that using only her two hands, I wish I can give her more story, but that will detract from the W/T-ness. I might revisit her a little though. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~

Big bad life is just waiting around the corner to attack em, chew em up, and spit em back out

Yep, that's about the plan for them. Well put.

I think I'm gonna pull out my rejection stamp and make sure it's still intact, cause if this gets too angsty I might have to use it. (I know you're scared now.)

Yeah, yeah, sooooo scared I think I'm more scared of your ...no, nope, I'm not scared of anything of yours, babe, so there, heehee !

~~~~~

[watty]

Title: Lamplight
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: Please let me know me first
Rating: R
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Where demons wear human faces. Two lives drifted apart, can they find their missing half?
Notes: Updates will be slow, but I wanted to post to see what the responses are like. Not going to use blackmail, don't have the seniority to do that, but it'll be nice to see the number in the "Replies" column steadily increasing.
Notes 2: This will be long and angsty. There may be some surprises along the way as well as changes in settings. Did I mention angsty? Cos, it's real, the angst.


Part 3

Buffy slept with Angel and was found out by her Mom. Angel disappeared to LA, leaving a distraught, grounded Buffy.

Xander and Cordelia were found kissing and holding hands, sending shockwaves of disbelief to all their friends and followers.

Willow met someone who was her match in intellect but her complete opposite in application. Oz frustrated her, he was as laid back as she was wound up. But he was a nice boy, and he was lead guitarist in a band, which when you were sixteen in a small town, was the nearest thing to cool for miles.

Boys asked Tara for dates, not many, but she always politely refused. Someone started a whispering campaign, that she was illegitimate, unwanted by her father, and on top of that, a frigid, freaky cow that no one was interested in. Or worse, she was a man-hating lesbo who burnt secret curses to people in her path. Willow strenuously defended her friend, and got roped into the "frigid freak" class as well.

It bothered her a lot, since she cared what other people thought of her. As for Tara, she never talked about it, not even to Willow. And that bothered Willow even more.

*****

Tara was frantic. She could not concentrate on school, or her chores, or anything at all.

Her father had not written or called in months. Naturally that included not sending money to Aunt Marie.

"She treating you different?" asked a concerned Willow.

"No, no, no. She's not like that, she never mentions it," Tara replied, she didn't know whether she was consoling Willow or herself.

"That's alright then," Willow concluded.

"Of course it's not alright!" Tara exclaimed, then her face softened as she saw Willow stiffen. "It's just, I'll have to repay her somehow, eventually. How am I going to do that? I have to find a job first."

"At least wait till you graduate," Willow tried to reason with her friend. "If things get worse, the offer to stay with me is still open."

Truth was, Tara secretly thought, she might have to take up Willow's offer of accommodation, she knew in her heart of hearts that she could not stay long at her aunt's.

The reason? Donny, her aunt's elder son. Although Tara thought of him as her cousin, they were further removed than that, as far as family relations went. He was 3 years older and worked as a junior clerk at the Sunnydale Bank. Not much of an intellectual, not a very interesting personality, but not malicious either.

But showing gradual interest in her, Tara. Hadn't made any moves yet, but she could feel him staring at her when he thought she wasn't aware. The kind of stare that sent shivers of fear down her spine. She didn't feel anything negative toward him, but nothing positive either. Apart from exchanges of "good morning" and "nice weather" she wanted nothing to do with him.

Trouble was, it was giving her aunt ideas. If she wasn't careful, she'd end up living with them forever, being the dutiful daughter-in-law, and producing a brood of pesky babies, one after another. Eventually, she would become Aunt Marie.

She did not, emphatically, did not want to spend the rest of her life living in the dumps.

"I can't, I've had enough. The creaky bed springs, the moldy walls. Look at my clothes, they hardly fit me, but I'm stuck there," she cried.

Willow placed a sympathetic arm round her shoulders. "Soon, you'll have the biggest bed you can imagine, the most decadent wallpaper, more clothes than you can imagine."

"Always the optimist, how can you do that?" Tara wondered.

"Never been wanting all my young life," Willow answered with a straight face.

"Will, you have to understand, I want to leave home, but it's not because I'm looking for fame and fortune or glamour, I just need to get out of there desperately," Tara insisted.

"Don't be so desperate that you let your guard down and succumb to bad influences," Willow pleaded.

"What bad influences?" asked Tara.

"The sort that lead you down roads you'll never recover from, where the signposts all say shame and degradation," Willow explained. "You know, bad things that lead to getting into trouble, prison."

"Bad is a relative term," Tara tossed in.

"Bad is bad," a resolute Willow answered.

"Like what exactly?"

"Stealing, breaking and entering, assault," Willow answered without hesitation.

"Stealing what, breaking into where, assaulting who?" Tara shot back.

"You know what I mean," Willow sighed exasperatedly.

"What if I stole a cookie from Donny's stash cos I was starving, or broke into Xander's parents' house to take away the alcohol, or fought against every one of those airheads who call you a queer duck? How bad am I?" Tara countered.

Willow was speechless, surprised at Tara's venomous tone.

"Not bad as in getting arrest bad, just a little bit outside the confines of rules, right?" Tara pointed out.

"Still bad. Rules are there so we can observe them, so we have to, uh, observe them," Willow said.

"God, you're not going to get through life being Obedient Will all the time, life's not so black and white, it's full of gray areas," Tara said.

"I know. But I want to stay innocent a while longer," said Willow wistfully. After a second she took Tara's hand in hers, "Promise me you won't get into trouble, whatever happens promise you'll retain your integrity, please?"

"Hey, what do you take me for? A master criminal?" Tara said gently, tracing Willow's jawline tenderly her other hand. A feeling she never felt before, never occurred to her, suddenly presented itself and made its presence known. She swallowed hard and changed the topic.

*****

A month later, Tara's father came in from the cold. He had obtained a honorable discharge from the army and gotten married to a Thai lady he met in Germany. He brought his new young wife to meet everyone in the US before flying off to their new life in Asia. She was an heiress in her family's machinery business, the prospects were looking good and this was his chance to strike it rich.

For a split second there Tara thought, hoped, yearned, that he was here to tell her to pack her bags and come with him. But instead he and Aunt Marie stepped into the kitchen for a private conference.

Later he gave Tara an awkward hug, "You've grown so tall, my daughter. And so beautiful. Soon you'll spread your wings and fly high in the sky."

She'd never pegged her father as the eloquent type and was surprised. The meaning of his words, however, were not lost on Tara. Her heart sank.

"Tara's virtually part of my family now, she's welcome to stay with me as long as she wants, Robert," said Aunt Marie. What she didn't say was, what as. Tara had no doubt what her well meaning aunt had in mind.

She could already sense her Dad's impatience, the way he regarded the furniture and the surroundings with disdain, he couldn't wait to leave this life and start a new one. He stroked his daughter's hair stiffly and gave her a large envelope, "Tara, this is for you. Some of your mother's things are inside, I think you should have them. You take care."

She tried to memorize his face, but already it was fading. She may never see him again, but she felt nothing.

She bit her lips and held her tears all the way through the 12 minute run to Willow's house.

Her father had given some money to her aunt, but Tara felt a change in her status at her aunt's household after his departure. Aunt Marie started asking her to accompany her on errands, favoring Tara over Donny's sister Beth.

Donny also started coming into the room without knocking. Several times she was brushing her hair and was startled out of her skin when she suddenly saw his reflection in the mirror.

Things came to a head one night, when she was studying for her Chemistry test, she felt a hand on her shoulders. She jumped up violently and retreated until her back was against the wall, arms hugging herself protectively as she stared at him in shock.

He had the good sense to blush and leave.

The next day, she quietly told Aunt Marie that she was going over to Willow's for a sleepover, because she had problems with her Chemistry that she wanted Willow's help on.

Her aunt wasn't aware of what had happened in her room, and was happily encouraging Tara on her school work.

"Quite an ambitious girl you are, Tara," she commented.

Tara quietly nodded, what else could she say.

"That's good. You should be able to find a part time job easily, with your qualifications. Don't worry about the children, I'll look after them for you," Aunt Marie continued, oblivious.

Tara packed the contents of her shoebox into her backpack and made sure she wrapped her mother's things carefully before placing them at the bottom.

She knew she still owed her aunt money, what her Dad left behind wasn't enough.

One day, she vowed, she would pay her dues.

Donny was home already when she left, he said nothing as she closed the door behind her. The whiff of baking bread was her last memory as she walked down the street.

It was the only home she had known, and now, she was on her own.

*****

[GayNow]

I'm first! (Obviously, I still need a life.)

So, bliss? Hmmm. I'll think about it, hehehe !

Oh, I know you'll give us bliss. You're full of bliss. You're so blissfully bliss that the blissfullness is blinding. You have so much bliss in you that it is struggling to come blissfully pouring from you. (And that sounded a lot less sexual in my head.) So, if I have to wait for bliss, I will do so. I'll wade through the non-bliss -- the anti-bliss, even -- because I know that you love your readers with such bliss, you can't hold yourself back. If you blissfully write it, we will blissfully come .... erm .... yeah, something like that. (Now, THAT is a lot of bliss! )

Okay...on to the real feedback....

My dear watson ~

Once again you've given us so much information in such a compact form. "Superfluous" is not a word that can be used to describe your writing. You provide us only with the words we need to get a sense of the characters, their relationships, and the situations in which they live. You've mentioned on a few posts that you are merely setting up the backstory at this point. Well, you are doing it nicely.

I continue to be concerned for Tara. Like Willow, I worry that, in her desperation to get out of her current situation, Tara will be careless and end up doing something that will ultimately hurt herself and/or others.

She did not, emphatically, did not want to spend the rest of her life living in the dumps.

This takes me back to the conversation with Aunt Hallie...Tara's goal in life --

"I want to earn lots of money," Tara announced determindedly.

I'm glad that she'd like to earn this money, but I'm afraid of just what she will do to earn it.

Again, you show us the fundamental (read: economical) difference between Willow and Tara:

"Always the optimist, how can you do that?" Tara wondered.

"Never been wanting all my young life," Willow answered with a straight face.

I think they both know what this means and it's potential implications. I think they know that, ultimately, it can have a significant impact on their friendship. I'm just not sure they are ready to attend to this knowledge. After all, Willow even says,

"...I want to stay innocent a while longer"

I find their conversation about good vs. bad/black vs. white to be very interesting -- and quite foretelling. You're setting us up for the angst ahead, watson. I can feel it. So it should be interesting to see how this plays out.

Again I marvel at how beautifully you weave your chapters together. You once again appeal to our senses as you describe Tara's departure:

The whiff of baking bread was her last memory as she walked down the street.

It was the only home she had known, and now, she was on her own.

I found that heartbreaking, for some reason.

Wonderful, watson...simply wonderful. I shall (blissfully ) await your next update.

Carleen

[kindagay]

Hi,

I'm so sorry I didn't leave feedback for the last part (part 2). I read it, but I didn't have time to leave feedback right away, & then I went away for the weekend & when I got back, I forgot that I hadn't left feedback. Sorry

Anyway, I'm still loving it lots

So, Tara already has an incling of an idea that she's gay, that's of the good, & she's aware that she's developing feelings for Willow, which is even better

A feeling she never felt before, never occurred to her, suddenly presented itself and made its presence known. She swallowed hard and changed the topic.

I loved that, so simple, yet beautifully written

Hmm, not liking Donny, or Aunt Marie, or Tara's father for that matter. In fact, I'm gonna go ahead and say, not liking Tara's family much at all.
Well, apart from Aunt Hallie, I liked her. I'm so glad that Tara has at least one nice family member.

The exchange between Willow & Tara, about succuming to bad influences seemed very, uhm, tense. I do hope it's wasn't a foreshadowing of Tara's future

Willow was speechless, surprised at Tara's venomous tone.

Uhm, yeah, me too - Tara & venomous are not words that one expects to see together, kinda made me all worried.

It seems there's an awful lot going on in Tara's life, perhaps more than those things that you highlighted & the fact that she's keeping it all bottled inside is certainly not of the good.

As for Tara, she never talked about it, not even to Willow. And that bothered Willow even more.

This bothers me too; the sweet, innocently beautiful friendship you painted in part 1 already seems to be slightly strained. It just seems so wrong that Tara doesn't talk to Willow about stuff, but, I understand that it is necessary for the development of your story, & I shall trust you to fix it, eventually.

It was the only home she had known, and now, she was on her own.

Uhm, why is she 'on her own'? She has Willow, & there's always a place for her at Willow's home. Uhm, right?

So, only part 3 & already you have me all worried for our girls, well, mostly Tara, but, also Willow to some extent too.

I shall patiently await the next installment and no matter how bad the angst is, or how long it lasts, I trust you to make everything okay for our girls in the end.

Hugs
Jeanne

[YMKA]

Hey Watson!

Wow...Willow and Tara.....they are different....I did think that Willow would be the kind of person who cared what other people said..... and Tara practicly yelling?..... wow. Which makes it intresting to read.

So....Tara is not going to Willow's?.....damn it. Didn't sound like it was, more like she was saying goodbye and it actually started with her father when she was trying to memorize his face.....well at least for me it was a hint

So what? Willow is going to work for a goverment and Tara is going to be a hacker and steal for the....poor people? .......hm.....ARG....can't wait to read more

M.

[grimlock72]

Hmm.. yeah I thought Tara would indeed go to Willow, just stay a hell of a lot longer than one night . Roaming the streets at her age just isn't a good idea, there are worse 'donnies' on the streets. Willow did have the right idea when warning Tara about not doing 'bad' stuff and Tara must have realized what she meant (she ain't dumb).

I hope Tara also took all the money her father gave her with her. He didn't give her anything else it seems (you know, like parental love and such).

I'm not sure Tara really owes Aunt Marie that much money, feeding an extra person in a household is do-able on a small budget really. Of course Tara feels guilty, but that is something no amount of money will ever fix. (never mind if she really needs to in regard to Aunt Marie)

I wonder what Willow will think once she begins missing Tara. What to make of the fact Tara didn't come to Willow when running away? I'll guess Tara is a bit scared of going to Willow for shelter due to the new feelings she is developing for Willow. To bad Willow isn't aware of that .

I do hope Tara finds indoor shelter at least somewhere. Being out on the streets is a big no-no. It worries me...

Grimmy

[tarawhipped]

Watson, I really like this chapter, even if it does seem to hint at the start of a rift between the girls. You do a great job of painting their emerging divergent characters here...Willow the rule follower and people pleaser, who is aware of her priveleged position, but who doesn't seem to question the system itself. By contrast, Tara has little going for her beyond her will to survive and succeed. Ohhhhh, the looming angst! *covers eyes* I can't watch! *peeks through fingers* More, please!

-Cam

[ringwaldoeuvre]

So, I made the brilliant decision to read this while watching "The Office: Special" on DVD, because I like to multi-task. Along comes the video of "If You Don't Know Me By Now," and I am rolling. Then I remembered I was reading an angsty fic, and I could not get the song out of my head. Needless to say, I was not as distraught as I should have been. My bad.

The update was great. You do an excellent job choosing your words to describe Tara's relationship with Donny. The descriptions are concise, yet layered. I know several politicians that could benefit from your economy of language. I also really like the difference in Willow and Tara's personalities. It adds a personality conflict along with the economic/cultural struggles. Well done.

Also, I've been considering writing feedback to you in TWoP recaplet format. Not as mean feedback, just with lots of hyperbole and tangents about homoeroticism. Consider yourself warned.

~Mary

[stillrunning]

AAAAANGST!!! Oh how I love thee:) Poor Tara, starting to get unruly yummy feelings towards Willow, while her aunt is subtly trying to get her and Donny to do the freaky icky things needed to produce the 'pesky brood of babies' that she seems to fear. And now she's leaving to go out on her own...I think her 'own' should involve her living with Willow:) Just a thought. Can't wait for more!

[hermitfish]

Hi-ya Watson...just got a chance to sit down and reread this...I am also one of the ones who has snuck ahead and read this previously. Looking forward to many new parts now that you are posting here.

You write the class differences between the pair so well and also how it builds on their perception of life. The struggle that Tara has at this age of living in difficult circumstances but having little power to affect them is palpable. We all want to see her find an instant happy way to achieve a better life but alas one is not available. Even going out on her own doesn't seem to bode well...but living with people who have dibs on controlling her life is no better an alternative. A no-win major suckage.

I would like to say that at least she has her bestest bud Willow, but there are cracks in the foundation of the 'friends forever' adage. The realism of the events working on the characters rings so true.

And this is to say nothing of the confusion that is sexuality at that age.

Yikes...I wouldn't return to fourteen for a sack of gold. But I will return to this story…again and again...because it is written so lovely.

~Cyd

[Safuega]

Watson wrote:

you'll hold me to it if I don't deliver right?

You betcha!

Great update, Watson. It's interesting how in this update you can see how Tara and Willow are growing up too soon and both are starting to lose their innocence. Both teens are being forced to grow up by their circumstances. Tara is being forced by her poverty while Willow is being forced by the 'benign' neglect or downright indifference of her parents. Funny, one is dirt poor and the other is affluent but neither has the luxury of being regular kids.

I also thought your depiction of Tara's response as 'venomous' was in character with how I picture a 14 year-old would react. Being 14 can be like being a pendulum in terms of emotional reactions, so I can totally see Tara being angry one minute and being happy the next. It's called being a teenager.

Finally, I agree with Mary a.k.a. Ringwaldoeuvre, you are doing a marvelous job of depicting the class differences between young Tara and Willow.

Thanks for sharing, you fellow Mac user, you. Macs rule! Ahem.

Safuega

[Auburn]

I knew if I started reading then I'd want an update there and then! It's one of my bad habbits that I NEED to be slapped for!

Howwwever, there's nothing I have to say that hasn't already been said and I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens to Tara now she's left that house and Donny. It's funny because your description of his behaviour, although breif, actually did give me the heebie jeebies! I hope nothing too bad happens in this story. I know you said angst, but please, don't make me kill you!

So yes, update... anytime soon would be nice

Gem xXxXx

[meretricious]

"who blabbed?", well, my dear watson, you must be forgetting that you have a link to your site right there in your sig, so i guess you owe yourself a stern talking-to.
the entire willow tara debate of how bad is bad, and the please don't compromise your intergrity stuff, that just can't lead to anything good. it's like they're standing in the middle of the road that is life and there's a dump-truck full of angst barrelling straight for them. i'm completely with cam on being in peek thru the fingers mode.
"he had the good sense to blush and leave", so happy to see that sentence. even if the whole situation was horribly uncomfortable i'm glad it never got more physical than a touch to the shoulder. can't blame tara for running toward the hills as fast as possible though.
i can understand willow wanting to stay innocent for as long as possible, but i don't think she grasps that tara's never really had the luxury of being that innocent. willow has always had the security of a solid, if hollow, home and knows she will be going to college, knows her place in the world. i don't think she can really relate to tara's much more ambiguous circumstances. yep, big dump truck of angst. for sure. ~mary

[Artemis]

Wow, this is a tough read. Enjoyable, don't get me wrong, but tough. Poor Tara, poor Willow... poor readers I can just feel the juggernaut of the Real World bearing down on our girls.

The thing is, neither of them are wrong - there's a lot of truth in what Tara says about doing what it takes to get by, not trusting to absolutes so much. But Willow's right too, integrity's not just a commodity to be balanced against other things, and inconvenient though it may be, innocence is worth holding on to from time to time.

And Tara's evidently just starting to notice Willow in, y'know, that way - that can't help but upset her internal balance some more. And perhaps make her more determined to get by on her own, without relying on Willow's help - her not wanting to be a burden may get all mixed up with her feelings, and just make things worse. Sigh... The way things are going, I'm thinking it's inevitable they'll drift apart - I wonder if either of them will really understand why at the time?

So, I'm just gonna hunker down in my foxhole while the angst bombardment goes on, and pray for the light at the end of the tunnel That 'fresh bread scent of innocence' may be lost for a while, but it's part of Willow and Tara, so I'll persist in believing that they'll never completely abandon it. The Willow-and-Tara togetherness, I mean, not necessarily fresh bread literally

Great work

[irishgrl3]

Wow, pretty rough times for Tara. I can't believe her father just passed though with his new wife and left Tara there at Aunt Marie's.
Nice Dad, abandon much?

The visual you created of Donnie staring and entering her room was well... yuk! It totally creeped me out. Tara had to leave at that point, you could just see her feeling so trapped there. I just hope she's going to Willow's house and not running somewhere far, far away.

Her conversation with Willow was interesting in that Willow felt the need to discuss or almost lecture her about not traveling down the wrong road. I wonder what prompted that? Tara's sheer desperation of needing an out? Tara's response of things not so "black and white" really made her appear street smart and that maybe she can hold her own out there.

I gotta say I too loved this bit;

"Hey, what do you take me for? A master criminal?" Tara said gently, tracing Willow's jawline tenderly her other hand. A feeling she never felt before, never occurred to her, suddenly presented itself and made its presence known. She swallowed hard and changed the topic."

You threw it in there so subtly I almost missed it.
-anna

[candybabe86]

Hello there!!!

I'm so sorry I didn't reply to the last chapter... I didn't even realise you had added a chapter... but on the plus side I got to read 2 this time!! And can I just say I loved them both, and I LOVE this story... I really liked Will and Tara's "good vs bad" and "black&white vs full of grey" talk too... It definately made me think... The whole thing is soo sad... *sniff sniff*

But this...

"Hey, what do you take me for? A master criminal?" Tara said gently, tracing Willow's jawline tenderly her other hand. A feeling she never felt before, never occurred to her, suddenly presented itself and made its presence known. She swallowed hard and changed the topic."

*waggles eyebrows* Things are lookin' up my dear...

And that COW of an Aunt!!!

"Tara's virtually part of my family now, she's welcome to stay with me as long as she wants, Robert," said Aunt Marie. What she didn't say was, what as. Tara had no doubt what her well meaning aunt had in mind.

"That's good. You should be able to find a part time job easily, with your qualifications. Don't worry about the children, I'll look after them for you," Aunt Marie continued, oblivious.

Ok, firstly: Ewwww.... this is Donny we're talking about...
and secondly: Gee... assume much... ...like Tara would want that with him!! It's all for Will... *dreamy sigh* Well I can dream right? Since your gonna drag us through angst central... Girl's gotta dream...

The last part was especially sad...

The meaning of his words, however, were not lost on Tara. Her heart sank.

Poor Tara...

She could already sense her Dad's impatience, the way he regarded the furniture and the surroundings with disdain, he couldn't wait to leave this life and start a new one. He stroked his daughter's hair stiffly and gave her a large envelope, "Tara, this is for you. Some of your mother's things are inside, I think you should have them. You take care."

Ok that just tore my heart out completely... ...but at least Tara got some of her mother's things... and wow, he's a nice dad hey? NOT!! *sigh*

She tried to memorize his face, but already it was fading. She may never see him again, but she felt nothing.

*sob* So sad...

She bit her lips and held her tears all the way through the 12 minute run to Willow's house.

Run Tara run!!! *sob* Go to Will, your one true love... even if you don't know it yet!!

Tara packed the contents of her shoebox into her backpack and made sure she wrapped her mother's things carefully before placing them at the bottom.

*sob* So sad... *sniff sniff* At least she's getting away now...

She knew she still owed her aunt money, what her Dad left behind wasn't enough.

One day, she vowed, she would pay her dues.

She is so honorable, and set in what she believe's is the right thing to do... It's a good quality to have... It was kinda touching... to me at least...

The whiff of baking bread was her last memory as she walked down the street.

It was the only home she had known, and now, she was on her own.

*sob* Ok... i'm crying again...

All in all. Great Chapter/s!! I was crying just about the whole time... OMG you had me crying in the setup... You really are the Mistress of Angst aren't you? But it's ok. I like angst. Love the story so far and you haven't even exited the set up yet... ...Excellent writing... Can't wait for more...

Wow this was a long one huh?

Candy

ps. So how much more setup to go before the actual story starts... not that I mind... just curious... 'cause, you know... *pumps fist* ...lovin' it so far!! *big cheesy grin*

[watty]

Seems the right time for an update, even though I'm so sick I coughed up my lung on the table. Replies first, cos wow, look at the feedback!

~~~~~

You provide us only with the words we need to get a sense of the characters, their relationships, and the situations in which they live.

Hee, I impresssed you! May be it's not deliberate? May be that's the only style I know how to write? Details, pffft, let the readers figure the underlying emotions. Well, something like that anyway.

I continue to be concerned for Tara. Like Willow, I worry that, in her desperation to get out of her current situation, Tara will be careless and end up doing something that will ultimately hurt herself and/or others.

Yes, your concern is not unfounded. All she had in her life is a poor (in all ways) family, and she isn't fully matured yet. Will she take the easy way? Perhaps, but I'm not telling yet .

I find their conversation about good vs. bad/black vs. white to be very interesting -- and quite foretelling.

Well, at that age most things are black and white, they don't have the worldly wise experience to tell them that sometimes, most times, it depends on the situation and there are always extenuating circumstances.

Now, how many times are you going to read this update ?

~~~~~

So, Tara already has an incling of an idea that she's gay, that's of the good

Good in a way. But for Tara, this is another complication she can do without. Already overwhelmed by needing to escape from her family, her future, I wonder how she can cope with the realization that she's gay, and possibly falling for her best (only) friend. You said it better yourself:

It seems there's an awful lot going on in Tara's life, perhaps more than those things that you highlighted & the fact that she's keeping it all bottled inside is certainly not of the good.

Dead on, my friend !

It just seems so wrong that Tara doesn't talk to Willow about stuff,

The only explanations I'd offer at this point are: a) she's trying to come to terms with her burgeoning feelings for Willow and b) she's too proud for her own good.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for being so silly in the Right Decision thread together with the other Insano Triplets .

~~~~~

Tara is not going to Willow's?

Not exactly. Only that she's on her own, without the only family she's ever known, and not a close family at that. Well, read on ...

Willow is going to work for a goverment and Tara is going to be a hacker and steal for the....poor people?

Good guess! Not telling, there's a way to go until they have to get jobs yet. Thanks for stopping by!

~~~~~

I'm not sure Tara really owes Aunt Marie that much money, feeding an extra person in a household is do-able on a small budget really. Of course Tara feels guilty

Absolutely! You're so astute. It's not the actual amount, she just feels like she owes Aunt Marie for at least giving her shelter and food. And whatever Marie's ill-conceived ideas are for Tara, she's never been abusive, or treated Tara as second class citizen in her home. In fact, I'd go out on a limb and say Marie's plan for Tara to be married to Donnie was made out of good (albeit ill-conceived) intentions.

What to make of the fact Tara didn't come to Willow when running away?

Oh, no need to worry. I haven't actually said Tara wasn't going to go to Willow's yet .

~~~~~

Willow the rule follower and people pleaser, who is aware of her priveleged position, but who doesn't seem to question the system itself. By contrast, Tara has little going for her beyond her will to survive and succeed.

You know, another direction I could have taken is for them to fall in love deeply and give the finger to the system and their disparity in situation, overcome all obstacles, (fuck like bunnies of course) and live happily ever after . Somehow, I get the feeling that you'd prefer the current version, even from behind your fingers .

~~~~~

I know several politicians that could benefit from your economy of language.

, but I'd fail miserably as a politician, I'd tell people things straight, and end up telling actually making sense. lol at you watching this together with The Office, I hope it's the proper British version and not the American copycat .

I've been considering writing feedback to you in TWoP recaplet format.

That? Would be a WOOT and a HOOT! Go for it !

~~~~~

AAAAANGST!!!

And I'm just EVIL aren't I? Tara is running away from home alright, is she going to Willow's? Read on ...

~~~~~

We all want to see [Tara] find an instant happy way to achieve a better life but alas one is not available.

Not, not available just yet, she's simply too young and don't have enough contacts. The best would be to stay put and bide her time, but is she willing to do that? Only time will tell. I'm glad you like the angst, oh Grand Mistress of Angst !

to say nothing of the confusion that is sexuality at that age

I'm just piling everything on, I'm bad.

~~~~~

My worry is that even though she understands that her life and Willow's are different, her desperation will lead her to do things that she not ought to. I can understand wanting to make alot of money. But it's how you make it and at what lengths are you willing to go.

I think a lot of people agree with you here, that she's very desperate to escape but she has to be careful not to be tempted by the bad things and people that might come her way.

How did aunt Hallie get so successful?

Good point. And the second question is why doesn't she help Marie out? I haven't decided if I want to expand on Hallie's story yet, she may make a subsequent appearance, but mark this, her influence on Tara is profound.

Tara's father is ... what a jerk

Yes he is, a poor excuse for a parent, if you think about it. Like Aunt Marie, the adults here are not evil as such, not the way that the Maclays have been depicted in canon, but they certainly suffer from a huge amount of bad decision making and ill-conceived intentions for the children.

I feel an angst hurricane approaching.

Take your animals in, make sure your loose structures are secured, your windows are safe, and you have a handy supply of tissues. Cos, yes, angst hurricane coming close .

~~~~~

Funny, one is dirt poor and the other is affluent but neither has the luxury of being regular kids.

I think Willow said it best in Chapter 1, that although she has more money, she isn't necessarily the richer party.

Being 14 can be like being a pendulum in terms of emotional reactions, so I can totally see Tara being angry one minute and being happy the next.

Thanks . I agree, being a teenager is so full of conflicting emotions that fluctuate so easily.

~~~~~

[Donnie's] behaviour, although breif, actually did give me the heebie jeebies

Sorry about the heebie jeebies. I must say that this Donnie is a little different from canon Donnie, he's more someone who doesn't know he's behaving in an inappropriate manner. Basically he's pretty much been given carte blanche by his mother to "claim" Tara, he probably doesn't know that she is not buying into that little scheme at all.

I know you said angst, but please, don't make me kill you!

But my friend, if you killed me there'd be no more updates and what will you do then ?

~~~~~

you owe yourself a stern talking-to

but the link is to another section, how did I know you guys would be clicking around? (I know, I know, create a website and expect people NOT to click around, how delusional can I get?)

even if the whole situation was horribly uncomfortable i'm glad it never got more physical than a touch to the shoulder. can't blame tara for running toward the hills as fast as possible though.

Like I said to Gemma, Donnie was basically given instructions by his mother to pursue Tara. Aunt Marie's intentions, though not entirely evil, is so wrong. And her son compounds that wrongness.

tara's never really had the luxury of being that innocent

So true, I can't agree more.

~~~~~

Tara's evidently just starting to notice Willow in, y'know, that way - that can't help but upset her internal balance some more. And perhaps make her more determined to get by on her own, without relying on Willow's help

Chris, you have such an uncanny way of describing how and where I want to be showing and heading towards, even better than myself! Thanks! And yes, one of the reasons Tara isn't opening up 100% to Willow is because of those feelings that she has to acknowledge herself.

That 'fresh bread scent of innocence' may be lost for a while, but it's part of Willow and Tara, so I'll persist in believing that they'll never completely abandon it.

Oh that is soooo beautifully written, thank you!

~~~~~

The visual you created of Donnie staring and entering her room was well... yuk! It totally creeped me out. Tara had to leave at that point, you could just see her feeling so trapped there.

Oh! Sorry for creeping you out. Like I said to several people, he isn't evil, he probably was thinking it was his right, cos his mother is all with the talk about children. Still, not appropriate, I agree.

Tara's response of things not so "black and white" really made her appear street smart and that maybe she can hold her own out there.

I'm not so sure, I think Tara thinks she knows, but she's been sheltered in a way, how much street smarts does she really have ?

~~~~~

COW of an Aunt!!!

Wow! Long feedback, thank you thank you thank you! about Auntie Marie being a cow, she really is.

She is so honorable

There's a lot of sadness, and Tara is so proud.

how much more setup to go before the actual story starts

I guess I'm not being fair by "dismissing" these parts as prologues, they are more backstory, but I wanted to make the backstory more interesting. Think about it more as a mini-prequel. I hope I can do justice to the main story.

~~~~~

[watty]

Title: Lamplight
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: Please let me know me first
Rating: R
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Where demons wear human faces. Two lives drifted apart, can they find their missing half?
Notes: Updates will be slow, but I wanted to post to see what the responses are like. Not going to use blackmail, don't have the seniority to do that, but it'll be nice to see the number in the "Replies" column steadily increasing.
Notes 2: This will be long and angsty. There may be some surprises along the way as well as changes in settings. Did I mention angsty? Cos, it's real, the angst.


Part 4

Willow announced she accepted the offer from UC Sunnydale, to everyone's surprise, including her own. Sheila and Ira were initially disappointed, but quickly changed their tune when Willow demonstrated to them how financially advantageous her decision was, the sum total of the scholarships she received were the highest out of any university, even the rich ones.

UCS had figured that she was a talent worth keeping locally, since she would most likely develop into an academic powerhouse and was someone they emphatically wanted as an alumni. They told her she could design her own curriculum, take as many or as few courses during the year, and they were even opening up graduate level courses to her.

Tara was counting the days. Two months till graduation, may be two more to find a job and a home to call her own, then she would be an independent woman.

She felt at home at the Rosenberg's. Sheila and Ira were out of town, again, and were more than happy to welcome her into their home.

"Have you talked to your aunt?" Willow asked one day while they were studying for their finals.

"No," Tara answered, her tone short.

"Won't they come and try to take you back? Or sue my parents for kidnapping?" Willow asked.

Tara laughed at the impossibility. "They're not my real parents, they can't do that. I mean, in the scheme of things, I'm not related to either family."

"Not close family, but surely they've treated you well, so they want you back?" Willow prodded.

"No question that they've done everything for me. I know that I won't be here without them, I'd be in a foster home, or an orphanage. This debt I'll always owe Aunt Marie," Tara conceded. "But they're not my family, never. I don't have family."

"Remember what you said to me once? That you'll be my family? I'll be yours," Willow said softly.

Tara was sitting across the table from Willow, but at that moment, she had a huge urge to run over and envelope her best friend in the biggest hug. What's more, the redhead looked so cute, her lips so enticing, her eyes so beautiful, she ached to touch those lips, so run her fingers down that elfin face ... she shook her head as strange feelings invading places she knew was wrong.

She changed the subject. "So, what's up with Oz nowadays?"

Willow's shoulders dropped. "It goes. Looks like he's staying at Sunnydale too, Devon's not sure what he wants to do, so the future of the band hangs in balance. They want to find money for studio time, so they can cut a demo."

"What about you and Oz, away from band business?" Tara inquired gently.

"Sometimes I feel like he lives for the band only, they've got tours and gigs planned all over, he's busy," Willow said with a shrug of her shoulders and a sigh.

"I'm sure things will be fine," Tara consoled.

"I'm not sure I want to continue. We're too different, we have no common interests and it's hard to maintain conversation with him. Lately when we go out, I don't enjoy it and I make excuses to come home early, especially if I know you're gonna be here," Willow said distractedly.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Tara asked, her heart unexpectedly doing a little dance. She frowned.

"He's never around. I'm not sure what to say to him anyway," Willow complained.

"Do you love him?" Tara asked pointedly.

Willow considered this for a moment. "Nooo. I don't think I do. I like him very much, he's a nice guy and it's cool to be with a guitarist. But if love's supposed to be this heart thumping, bone melting trip, then I don't feel it." Sometimes I feel it, only not with him.

"You're gonna break up with him?" Tara pushed, though she was sorry she sounded so bold.

"I think I might do, I don't know," Willow said indecisively.

She managed to talk to Oz a week later, in between her computer labs and his band practice. He wasn't taken aback at what she said. They left each other's company sad, but oddly relieved.

*****

Finals spread out over 5 days, the entire school took on a different atmosphere. Conversations were hushed, students rushed to their exam rooms, all the quiet places were full of lone student, or small groups trying to cram in last minute studying.

Only Willow Rosenberg appeared nonplussed, she was even seen entering and leaving an exam room with a broad smile on her face and a light swing to her shoulders. She was expected to come first in her year, her school district, even the whole of Sunnydale, she had already snagged the honor of achieving the best SATs ever at Sunnydale High.

For the senior class, it was end of an era.

Those going off to college were quietly looking forward to four years when they could raise as much hell as they wanted, finally out of their parents' clutch. Those without college prospects were faced with the first hurdle in their entry to the real world. The Job Search.

Willow helped Tara with her search, searching online for vacancies, helping her format her resumé, and looking for tips on how to impress interviewers.

Though she wholeheartedly didn't want to, Tara started looking for places for rent. She was comfortable at Willow's and was sure she was welcome to stay as long as she needed. But she felt she had imposed herself long enough, that all her life she had been indebted to other people's kindness, she couldn't wait to be freed of that obligation.

Willow saw Tara scanning the classifieds but decided to stay silent, she wished her friend could stay longer, but understood Tara's need for independence. She herself was busy getting ready for college, Buffy having also accepted a place at UCS, she was excited to have someone she knew.

In between finals came the planning for Prom. Dates were shyly requested, accepted or rejected. Dresses and tuxes bought, borrowed or begged.

The Scoobies were all dateless for the event (the last one with a relationship, Xander, was unceremoniously dumped by Cordelia a few weeks back), so they decided to go together as a group. This made Xander very happy, he spent many of his studying hours fantasizing about entering the hall with 3 sexy women on his arms.

Sheila let Willow and Tara have free run of her closet and they had hours of fun trying out different outfits. Eventually both decided that simplicity was the key and chose dresses that, to the other, were stunningly breathtaking. However they were too embarrassed to say so out loud.

Prom night arrived and though Xander did enter the dance hall with 3 beautiful girls, he received little or no attention from other people, much to his disappointment, and the amusement of his "consorts".

All was not lost, from deep within himself he found courage and asked the new girl, Anya, to dance and they spent the evening getting to know each other.

Buffy, still smarting from Angel's abrupt departure, found solace in the arms of an undeserving dweeb by the name of Scott Hope, but she didn't care, all she cared was to forget the source of her misery for a night.

Willow and Tara were left to their own devices.

"You don't want to join in the group dance?" Tara asked as they sat at the edge of the floor.

"Nah, let's stay here, we're fine by ourselves," Willow tried to sound convincing.

"We're so pathetic," Tara laughed.

Willow joined in and soon they were shaking their heads at their lameness.

"Come on, let's just enjoy the dancing," she said, jumping up and motioning for Tara to follow her.

"Why bother about others when I have the smartest girl in the history of the world wanting to dance with me?" Tara smiled as she followed Willow's lead. And the most beautiful, she thought to herself.

They danced all night together, not realizing they had excluded the entire student body that was at the prom and were monopolizing each other. It felt so right. What's more, as they unconsciously inched slowly closer, they felt the gradual build up of an anticipation and awareness that caught them unawares. When the slow music came on, they found themselves cheek-to-cheek with hands on hips and seemingly breathing the same air.

Tara turned to look at Willow, only to see the redhead staring at her with an expectant expression. She knew their closeness had crossed over the boundary of acceptable proximity, even for friends as intimate as them. It was a different kind of intimacy.

She didn't move away, but felt Willow stiffen a little. Her heart was pounding so fiercely as she dreaded the moment when Willow would pull away, but that moment never came.

Willow moved a fraction of an inch towards her, their bodies slid and locked into place.

An unseen force propelled them to squish even tighter and she heard a buzz in the air as she leant in and placed a feathery kiss on Willow's lips. A kiss so soft, so brief, and so very tender.

*****

[Emms]

Oh wow watson.... I should be beaten with a paddle, cause I don't think I've ever left feedback to this story before... Well, since I'm on board now, I might as well say that I LOVE THIS! Your Willow and Tara are so believable....and that last scene with the dancing....wow...you gave me melty butterflies with that one... It was so amazing how you let the tesion mount for them (and for us as well) But it was only in the last few seconds that I truly suspected that they might kiss...and then they did! and it was wow all over again.

anyway....I have a lot more babbling to do...but I'm late for work, so I'll end for now.

xoxo
Emms (Henny, Rhi, Cyd, Jeanne and watson's #1 fan)

Edited to add

Even though I'm officially late for work, I've read the update two more times!