The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe Willow & Tara Forever

by **Artemis** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 10:13 pm

Quote:
Again to contrast with Chris’s SB story, these teenagers seem to be wholesome and generous whereas the ones in SB were just trying to scam looks and pictures of W/T in their spy gear.

Yep, I liked these teenagers. It's nice to see Willow and Tara appreciated for the lovely people they are. Claude gets a big yay for making a gift of the sketch pad.

Then again, after a morning of seeing Willow and Tara wandering around the beach in Baywatch swimsuits (and I bet Anya designed those suits to be as show-off as she could), I'm sure the California teens would've happily handed over any sketch pads, car keys or vital organs W/T might have asked for without complaing

(Edited because I screwed up the EZcode the first time around.)
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!
Edited by: Artemis at: 3/31/05 5:32 am

by **hidden watson** » Thu Mar 31, 2005 10:00 am

Not proper replies, sorry.

It's so funny the way that Chris references Debra's Please, and Debra talks about SB, two of the best smut fics I've ever read. I had the strangest image of Claude and gang turning from shy, awkward kids into hot-blooded drooling teens :drool

(afterall, they're Italian-Swiss) as genteel Tara finishes up her last portrait, hides behind the easel and then stepping out to reveal ... Supergirl! Meanwhile Willow has snuck inside the store and transformed into Lady Croft.

I should think after that display they will have people falling over themselves to give them money and they will have enough to last them till the end of the race!

But it doesn't stop here. After traveling back to the farm (in a luxurious taxi with their new founded weatlth -- and believe me, taxis are dead expensive in Switzerland), they spend the rest of the day engaged in much pleasurable activity. Mistress will subject her Kitten-slave to hours upon hours of punishment, there will be much mutual riding and whipping and screaming, leaving them on the edge for the longest time.

Hmmmm, I can fantasize can't I?
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quiet thoughts

by **Artemis** » Thu Mar 31, 2005 10:36 am

Heh, you know, in some alternate reality where CBS wouldn't implode at the very thought, Mistress Tara and her Kitten would make an awesome Race team

Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!

by **Tempest Duer** » Fri Apr 01, 2005 2:27 pm

I rolled my eyes at the "You can't treat us like this, we're Americans!" and I am American... but only because I was born there. *grumbles in discontent with the arrogant nation* I'm a Brit at heart.
I got bitten by a drunk lesbian! Does that mean I'll turn into one?

~my friend Mary

by **mollyig** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:07 am

Another team misplacing vital clues, tut tut. Although in saying that, the two cent coin is kinda tiny, though not as bad as the one cent. Although not all countries have the one cent coin I believe, Ireland does though. And I'm gonna stop going on about euro coins now!

How I've come to adore the snippy narrator. The cynical comments are causing me to repeatedly snort and giggle in a very unattractive way.

The scene where Willow consoles Tara who believes it was her fault they almost got eliminated was lovely. so whatever we do, we do together. Our girls, united against the world!

You stay the course, you hold the line, you keep it all together.

You're the one true thing I know I can believe in - Sarah McLachlan

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:01 am

justin -

Quote:
maybe the principles could get one for being annoying?

how I wish I can do that, cos they would have been out on Leg 1. That said, I was reading an interview with Phil and he admits there are teams he wished would be eliminated and teams he wished could stay in the race longer, cos they give more to the race. It's interesting, because looking at Phil's expression and interaction when teams come to the end, it's sometimes obvious how he feels about them. This was a nerve-wrecking end to a leg, I'm glad you felt the tension.

Chris - wow, such a lengthy feedback, and at the early hours of the morning too. Thank you. I'll try not to update so late next time, ok? I am lucky to have visited and even lived in so many places, it certainly helps in planning the route and tasks. I think I overdosed this next leg though, as you'll see.
Quote:
it's a fanfic of a recap of a fanfic of a TV show based on another TV show
imagine tryng to explain this story to someone who knows nothing about BtVS, fanfic, being a Kitten, TAR, TWoP ... I can't imagine

I post each episode as soon as I finish, so I don't have the luxury of going back and changing things. Apart from planning the general route and having an idea who will be eliminated next, I let the episode write itself. I was at Torino before I decided to go to Venice, at first I wanted to take the teams to Milan. Most of the time the muse for the Extra only comes knocking when teams are checking-in, or even after the leg has finished. I planned for this to be a non-Elim leg, but who was going to come last, I never planned, until the idea for Tara being artist for a day occured to me.

I'm glad you approve of the . Joss did the relationship more harm than good, IMHO, but one thing he did right was how and when he gave us their first on-screen kiss. No fanfare, nothing gratuitous, just one between 2 people who are in love and at a vulnerable moment. I wanted to emulate that with the first TAR W/T kiss.

Love, love, love your description of the carefree kittens in the long grass. The image of kittens hidden by the grass, and you only saw their tails and even then only when they bounced up, was exactly what I was trying to achieve. Remember in Innocence, when Buffy first slept with Angel, and the light keeps swiinging about, so you only saw bits and pieces? That was what I was trying to do with the love scene. They haven't actually gone all the way in their relationship yet, but they're close, very close.

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Mistress Tara and her Kitten would make an awesome Race team
So totally. They'll destroy all the other teams.

Still Waters T - Liv, Tara, although hesitant at first, has now fully embraced the Race. She is a different caliber of racer than Willow, W is all puzzle solving and intelligence-filled. Tara, with her quiet strength, is a perfect counterbalance and a total asset to this team.

Wow, your experience going into the US is exactly the reason I won't even consider going to the US for any purpose other than business, and until they start treating visitors a bit better, I'm going to stay away. I've had a bad experience at US Immigration too, and that was when I was living and working there! Sorry to American Kittens, but really, it's too much.

TaraBaby77 - thanks Aaron.
Quote:
funny and witty
thank you!

JSI - now you know, I was going on vacation, so I wanted to finish posting the stories I wanted to post.
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On most Bufffy DVDs (or maybe it just seems like most) there is a bit with the costume coordinator or whatever and I always wonder what possesses her to show her face
I think it was in the S3 DVDs, over at TWoP she (actually I think there were a couple fo them) was known as the Evil Fashion Nazi, and for good reason

Why the enforced 45 minute stop in Torino? Well they'd been drving since midnight, it's 180 miles from Nice to Torino, and on those roads it would have been 3-3.5 hours. I know I was going to basically make them drive all day, and personally, if I'd been driving for 3 hours at those times I'd want to have a rest, to prevent tiredness and potential accident. Like I said to Chris, I've been lucky that the episodes have been writing themselves so far, I didn't know what was going to happen during that wait. The bonus for me, was Randy's crush on Buffy, which nicely sets up the fight at the pitstop.

About the Maze, they'll have to go back the way they came. But for some reason I've always found coming out of mazes a lot easier than going in. Timing-wise, I had Andrew and April about 2 hours behind the teams in front coming out of Torino, but they did the maze roadblock quickly and they definitely aced the Bauta Detour, so they're may be less than 1.5 hours behind leaving Venice. W/T took the wrong road from Italy into Switzerland, instead of the highway, they found themselves having to go double the distance, and on a smaller road, it's conceivable that they lost over an hour, perhaps even more. Then going to the wrong castle and driving down and back up again will cost something like 20 minutes. You'll see in the next episode how close they are.

Glad you like the kiss. Again, like I said to Chris, that on The Body was the best thing that happened to lesbian kisses, ever, and I'm not ashamed to want to achieve the same feeling.
Quote:
so wonderful to be seeing that these two have cemented their love. It seems that in the short course of about 9 days or so, they have gone from ld-dating and not out to being out and definitely in love!
In my mind they're definitely head over heels in love, if they aren't already. I'm not sure if I portrayed it right, but they haven't gone all the way yet (note they didn't take all their clothing off), I think they're at third base, may be 3.9 base they're so close.

I know I'm behind with RL TAR in terms of episodes (they're already at 7 and I'm only posting 5 today), but let 'em. We're not competing. Botswana was great though, wasn't it? My admiration for the older couple grows in leaps and bounds, even though she can be annoying. Things are always interesting in India, and I'm shutting up now, I don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't watched TAR7.

No.1 Fan - oh, oh, oh *slaps head* why didn't I think of using MOO as nickname for the Moms? I could have thought of a situation where they had to face a cow. We had Cowparade in Stamford about 5 years ago and I could have used that. Drat!
Quote:
The bit about Willow wearing the pants in the family, I always thought so too.
I think in canon and most fanon, she's often portrayed as such, going out to work at high powered jobs while Tara is more sedate. I can believe this, because of their personality, but it doesn't mean Tara is any less in the relationship.
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Admitting to yourself that the sight of Faith running is HOT, does not a pervert make...it is ADMIRATION
lifelong dedicated kitten here, but I can't can't can't help it, Faith (and ED) is so damned hot it's unbelievable.

about your list, I'm not telling!

meretricious - thanks so much for making time to read, it's a long update and perhaps harder to follow than a regular fic. I like your idea of photographing modes of transportation, that's so meaningful, and adds to just pictures of churches, lakes, statues and what not you always photograph on a trip.
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did have a moment where i crossed this with ash island in my mind and thought "wow, riley's sure getting around on that bad leg
methinks both Debra and I thank you for the very funny image.

Tempest Duer -
Quote:
I'm a Brit at heart.
welcome to the club, chum.

mollyig - yeah the 1 cent and 2 cent coins are so tiny, so much so that if you dropped one on the ground you won't even bother picking it up.
Quote:
The cynical comments are causing me to repeatedly snort and giggle in a very unattractive way.
now now snorting and giggling are totally allowed here, and no one will be allowed laughing at people who think they're unattractive while doing it, okay? Because I want more snorting, more giggling, in face, more enjoying of the story ...

... which is coming right up.

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quiet thoughts

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:08 am

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first

Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Extras are R or more

Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.

Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?

Episode 5 - I'm so hungry I can eat Blofeld's cat

Episode recap

Bellinzona, in the southernmost canton of Ticino, is a World Heritage site, rubbing shoulders with other important places such as the Pyramids in Egypt and the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Actually I think it's more a case of standing on the shoulders of giants. Or jumping up and down futilely trying to reach shoulder level, you know, like you're the shortest kid in the basketball team and you're in a line of 7-footers, and the camera has to pan down to see you, down there in all your 5'4" glory. It is also the latest Pitstop of a race around the world.

We haven't been privy to many eat / sleep / mingle moments so far, so the Producers decide to make up for it by showing us an extended sequence. Apparently it's a longer Pitstop than usual. I know they do that sometimes, to fit in flight schedules, to organize the next leg, or if Phil's sick, or for no reason at all.

They're staying at the Swiss version of the Little House on the Prairie, except it's modern and efficient and looks very prosperous [*so, where are the similarities?*]. Their dinner is an absolutely phenomenal buffet spread, even Joyce has a huge plateful of carb-laden food as she explains that she hasn't eaten all day, and is absolutely starving.

Phil voices over about making friends and enemies, we see the oldsters chatting away and some of the YDCs sharing a table. Just like in the school canteen it's not long before a fight breaks out. We don't catch the beginning, but it's between Randy and Riley, so it's not hard to imagine it's because of Randy's attempts to get into Buffy's pants. To her credit, and based on what we see last leg, she hasn't encouraged him at all. He's being stupid all by himself, I think it's time for the Professor to whip his son into place.

The next day we follow the teams as they go sightseeing. Apparently they are allowed out of the Pitstop prison because we see Xander & Anya getting on a leisurely cruise at Locarno while April and Oz (wow, I never realized how similar in height these two are) are using very broken Italian to buy fruit at a market stall. In another scene, Joyce is using her totally fluent Italian to talk to the locals at a shop.

Meanwhile the fight at dinner looms large, Buffy & Riley and Rupert & Randy wait at a bus stop and you can put the entire Pacific Ocean between them, that's how studiously they're avoiding each other.

Willow & Tara, who are in last place, have no money and will receive none, interview on a bus that they are heading into Bellinzona town to beg for money for the next leg. They have $20 from the Moms and Pirates and they're very grateful. I know there's discussion on the forum about racers giving other racers money. No, it's not obligatory, but it's always nice to see some generosity.

Usually racers in their position beg and cajole unsuspecting souls with sob stories, but Tara ends up setting up camp in a piazza and turning portrait painter for the day, how ingenious! And she's good too, sticking to simple charcoal drawings that minimizes work time while maximizing income. Yes they have Lady Luck with them, with the non-Elim and being in a relatively easy location for a little sidewalk business venture. Imagine if they're in the middle of the desert or in a poorer country, but kudos for them to utilize their skills in this way. I mean, if it were Adam & Oz, would they have thought of borrowing a guitar and busking? How much will passers-by give Flutie & Snyder in a display of The Bickersons on Xanax?

~~~~~

Aaaand we're at the start of the Race, and I'm bummed out that the eat / sleep / mingle portion of the show is actually eat and mingle only. Where's the sleeping? I know it's more likely to be loud snoring and armpit scratching, but I'm a true smut bunny, I can use my imagination, can't I? Just give me one smooch, just one. And you know which 2 racers I'd like to see smooch most, right?

4.45am. The Pirates set off, looking better than the dried vegetable look they adopted at the end of the last leg. They are to drive 80 miles to Meiringen and find the statue of the famous character who met his death in the nearby falls. Xander asks the obvious question, "What famous character?" but the clue stays silent. Oh man, the Amazing Producers are good. I've been keeping scores and this team's performance so far is 2-1-4-1, which is very impressive, considering their competition.

5.02am. TallShort read their clue, frown at its incompleteness and run off towards their car. They agree to head towards Meiringen and find a tourist office to try to find more information.

5.15am. Team Efficiency join the "what famous character" train. They figure they will need to find more information once they get to their destination, they aren't going to get anything in Bellinzona. Robin voices over that they are enjoying the race and each other's company so far, he hopes they can continue with their strong streak. Yes, and so do I. So do I. [/Horatio Crane]

5.29am. Goldies, looking tired and tense. Riley looking especially grim, a look that completely doesn't suit him. He interviews that he had a little spat with another racer the night before that change their perspective somewhat. "It's a dirtier game now, and we'll just have to switch on our nasty mode," he seethes. He completes the Evil Cardboard look by wearing a blue polka dot bandana around his head, I shiver in His Evilness' presence. [*not*]

5.41am. R.Randy read the clue. I half expect Rupert to know who the mysterious famous dead character is, and obviously so does he. But he frustrates himself by thinking too hard and he can't remember. Randy gives his Dad a strange, pitying look. Must be the bollocking he got the night before for getting into a fight, which he doesn't mention.

5.42am. Moms. The immaculate sweats and brand new sneakers they were wearing at the beginning of the Race now look well worn in, as do the ladies themselves. Joyce re-affirms my barely functioning memory unit by talking about how great it was to be in Italy again, even though she spent most of her 2 years in Rome and it was her first time in places such as Torino. She adds that she's missing her daughters, Anne and Dawn, but is surprised to find herself acting like a Mom towards the younger racers such as Buffy and Tara.

5.58am. The Principals are the money counters this week, they have $151. Yay! We're back with the palindrome funds. They puzzle over the identity of the unnamed famous character, Flutie even flips the clue over and stare at the pristine white page. Nope, nothing there.

6.09am. AAbot rip the clue, read the clue and are complete floored. Already. Sigh. Andrew postulates that the rest of the clue may be written in invisible ink on the other side. He considers getting a lemon. Boy's got an unhealthy imagination, I tell ya.

6.12am. Lovebirds. I can't believe they're an hour and a half behind the Pirates, must have been a massively wrong turn they took. Tara reads out the part of the clue we already know, that other teams have $151 and one team will receive nothing. "That's us," she says.

"We, or rather, Tara, earned us over CHF 200 during the Pitstop, which works out to be something like $170, I can't believe we actually received more than the other people," Willow recounts in the car. They made that much yesterday? Makes me want to learn how to draw quickly and draw portraits at a Swiss piazza all day too.

Phil explains that teams are heading towards Meiringen in Central Switzerland, which has two claims to fame. The first being the place where dainty meringues were invented and the second is that it's where Sherlock Holmes fell to his death after an epic struggle with his arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty. So, the racers have to find a statue of a meringue? Oh, right, the Sherlock Holmes statue in front of the Sherlock Holmes Museum at Conan Doyle Place. Silly me. I would have thought they'd name the street 221B Baker Street rather than Conan Doyle Place, but whatever. [*They can't name a street with numbers, right? Elementary, my dear watson. And no, I couldn't help saying that, hee.*]

The road to Meiringen passes through the St Gotthard tunnel which, at more than 10 miles long, held the title of the world's longest car tunnel for 20 years until the Norwegians built a longer one in 2000. Oh the competition. It has single lanes on both sides and cars are separated by a big wodge of air sitting on top of double white lines that seem to stretch on and on and on and on.

"You think it's just a tunnel, no biggie right?" Randy explains while he shakes his head. "The lighting's not too good and there's nothing between you and the cars and trucks that seem to come straight at you on the other side, it's pretty scary. Plus you drive for miles and miles without seeing daylight and soon claustrophobia sets in and you feel the mountain crushing down on you. That's when I almost had an accident."

And we see through the front windscreen how Randy is veering off his lane almost into the path of an oncoming truck. Rupert screams, "Watch out for that truck! You're too close to the line!" and Randy turns the wheel sharply and barely gets out of the way of the giant honking truck. While Randy hasn't come close to setting off my attentionmeter this Race, I've grown fond of Rupert and I don't want him to end up being the filling of a human-steel sandwich. I'm relieved.

Xander & Anya arrive at Meiringen, the sun's almost fully out. It's a small little town with a small population, a few churches, hotels and a tourist information office that is currently closed. Anya notes that the office opens at 8am, Xander barely listens as he pokes around. Anya wrings her hands. Xander continues his wander around the area.

Adam & Oz arrive, they join in the mini-bunch. Robin & Faith arrive, shortly followed by Buffy & Riley, looks like Riley gains them valuable time by driving fast again. They compare notes before agreeing that they have no idea what they are looking for.

Joyce & Sheila drive into town and spot the Sporthotel Sherlock Holmes, Sheila remembers about Holmes falling down the falls and suggests that they are looking for the statue of the famous detective. They park their car and spot the waiting teams across the street. They have a short debate about whether to join the others. "We knew we needed the Sherlock Holmes statue, but we weren't sure if the other teams knew. The problem is we didn't have a map so we have to wait with the others for the tourist office to open," Sheila tries to explain. I don't know what her point is. They can just wait with the group, lie their heads off, then when the tourist office opens, just grab the nearest map. I don't understand the hub-bub about nothing.

The Principals roll into town, there is no welcoming party. Boo-hoo, goes Snyder. He can't believe the tourist office isn't open and does another of his signature fumigation act. Listen Snyder, you started the leg over an hour behind the first team, the bunching is to your advantage, so stop with the whining.

R.Randy finally make it, having slipped 2 positions. Randy is still driving, if I were this team, I'd switch as soon as we got out of the Gotthard. But they're not me. Who knows what's on their minds. There's a beautiful shot of their car passing the Sporthotel Sherlock Holmes, and I think if Rupert saw it, he will make the connection immediately, but his head is firmly down, reading a map, at that particular moment. Shame. Or not. [/evil grin]

The tourist office opens and teams pile in, to the obvious shock of the single member of staff who has arrived. The young lady becomes completely flustered and reacts the only way she knows, by stiffening up, making all the teams take a number and waiting in line. Go, tourist office lady! I wonder what her reaction is when she finds out they're all going to ask her the same question? She'll FREAK.

The Moms, once inside, head straight to where the free maps are stacked and snag themselves one. They find the location of the statue quickly. R.Randy do the same, the minute Rupert steps into the tourist office and finds references to Sherlock Holmes everywhere he has a lightbulb moment.

Meanwhile, Team Efficiency is, as per usual, first to the counter and get the address quickly. The Goldies and TallShort approach the hapless lady together and get what they want.

AAbot arrive in town and join in the mad scum that is the tourist office. Lovebirds, on the other hand, are at the Sporthotel, or to be precise, inside the Sporthotel asking for directions. Now why didn't the Moms think about that?

Moms and R.Randy get to the Sherlock Holmes statue together, they rip open the clue which tells them to drive 25 miles to Lauterbrunnen where they are to catch a train/funicular/train combination up to the village of Mürren for the next clue.

Team Efficiency get to the statue and retrieve their clue. More running! More driving!

Goldies and TallShort get their clue. It's funny to see the two tallest and the two shortest people mingling, may be one time they can do a partner swap, you know, like wife swapping. Buffy and Oz will be snuggly like Ewoks and Hobbits [*oookayyy*]. And hey! what about that HoYay! vibe I'm sensing off Riley and Adam. Ewww.

Surprise! It's the Lovebirds. Lady Luck is again walking among them, the mini-bunching at the tourist office coupled with their effective stop at the hotel put them right in the middle again.

In quick succession at the tourist office and the statue: Pirates, Principals and AAbot. Yawn.

~~~~~

Everyone's bunched together again as we see teams buying tickets at the railway station at Lauterbrunnen. I'm too tired to talk about bunching again.

Phil, in a heavy(!) green shirt and pleated(!!) chinos walks and talks down a hillside that looks exactly like it's lifted from a chocolate box. He tells us that Mürren is a car-free village situated on a shelf on one side of the picturesque Lauterbrunnen valley. It offers stunning views across the valley of the mighty triple peaks of Mönch, Eiger and Jungfrau.

Behind Mürren rises the Schilthorn, at 2970m it's impressive by any standards, but is positively dwarfed by the other peaks around it. Nonetheless, it has one feature its neighbors don't have — it was featured in a James Bond film.

Which neatly(!) brings us to Xander and Andrew browsing at yet another tourist office. Did we have sponsorship from the Tourist Offices of Switzerland Association? "Man, look at this, 'Enjoy the James Bond breakfast at the highest revolving restaurant in the world, Piz Gloria at the top of the Schilthorn, the setting of the film On Her Majesty's Secret Service', I can totally do with breakfast right now, I'm so hungry I can eat Blofeld's cat," Andrew says to Xander.

"I took an online personality test on which James Bond villain I am and I'm Goldfinger," Xander seems to be, wait a minute, boasting. I roll my eyes.

"Did you take the one on which James Bond gadget are you?" Andrew asks, clearly impressed that Xander is Goldfinger. Even if those online tests are as malleable as Andrew's spine.

Xander shakes his head. "Couldn't find it on the net," he says dejectedly. "Hey, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, that's the one with the photocopier that cracks safes?" he asks. Andrew nods enthusiastically. The dork brothers share a moment of male-bonding. [*no, no, no! Not bondage, read.the.words!*]

When they return to the train, Andrew shows his booty of brochures to April who does a credible impression of one of those dispensable Bond victims — all blank looks and "huh?". I finally figure out what's up with her, the light's on but nobody's home, I can see right through her skull when the lighting's just so.

Andrew distributes the leaflets and pretty soon it becomes the Amazing Discussion on Who is the Best James Bond. Me? Connery forever, like there's ever any doubt.

Blipvert of the journey up to Mürren and teams running out of the small train station to the cluebox. It's a Roadblock, 'Who wants to experience the ups and downs of being a secret agent?'. The Roadblocker has to run to the other end of the village and pick up number tags for their task.

They figure it's a James Bond type physical challenge, so the young fit males take it (um, except teams that don't have a young, fit male). Hot-bods like Robin and Riley (hey, that sounds like a 70s folk band) make short work of the one main road in the village. The only reason Riley doesn't beat Robin easily is because he spends a few seconds too many shoving Randy out of the way. Anyway they whoop as they read the rest of the clue to discover what they have to do. Each Roadblocker takes a cable car up the Schilthorn, but not quite all the way up because the cable car will stop halfway and they have to bungee jump off the cable car into thin air. Just hearing that is enough to reduce my knees to jello.

But not the Racers, I guess they're made of sterner stuff than jello. [*and that's so difficult*] Even the Moms and Principals are excited. "I knew coming on the Race there'll be chances to do something completely crazy and slightly dangerous, I've always wanted to try bungee jumping but never had the courage, this gave me the perfect opportunity," Sheila says.

Teams go up in groups of three. In quick succession, the Amazing Editors jump [*groan*] through the first three jumps. Robin, Riley and Oz complete their jump with utter manliness and receive the next clue. They are to return to Lauterbrunnen, pick up their cars, drive to Gruyères and find the Knight's Room at the Château St Germain.

More blipverting to Randy, Xander and Willow's jumps. This is a completely different group than before, full of stomach-churning trepidation and anticipation. Randy screams like a girl on the way down and some of his hairgel falls off cos next time we see him he's lost Billy Idol and is embracing Kurt Cobain. Rupert pats his son on the back and they read the part of the clue we don't know, that there's a Yield ahead.

Willow is very nervous as she steps up onto the breech. She asks the jump crew to triple check the chord and fasteners and questions them relentlessly. "How high is the jump and how long is the chord? How much will the chord stretch? What about the differences in people's weights, you're using the same chord. What's the risk of hitting myself on the bottom of cable car on the bounce up?" I want to tell her to chill, but if I were in the same position I'd do the same, probably further. Hell I'll be demanding to see a copy of the crew's insurance certificate. She doesn't scream like a girl, as she disengages the straps she does a backflip on the air mattress before getting a hug from Tara, I have no idea she can do that!

Xander puts on a brave face as he readies to jump. On the ground Anya is not much better, she seems to be near tears with worry, clinging onto Joyce and Tara for comfort. She screams louder than Xander when he does his jump.

Andrew, Flutie and finally Sheila take their turn. "This is stuff that dreams are made of," Andrew says with a grin as wide as the hellmouth as he hurls himself off, but doesn't have the grace of movement as he ends up in a tangle of limbs on the air mattress.

Flutie puts on a brave face. "I never said good-bye to my pigs," he sniffs as the crew gets him hooked up. What is he saying? He has an emotional connection to the pigs that he keeps on his farm? WTF?

Last to jump is Sheila. And also, in my opinion, the bravest. Seeing 8 people jump before her, having time to get completely scared shitless, then going up and taking off with a resolve, that's one strong lady.

~~~~~

"I'm sure I'll have language whiplash by the end of today, we go from Italian to German and now French roadsigns. I now know what an off-ramp is in 3 languages," Robin says as he drives towards Gruyères.

Faith asks him what's that and he asks her back what's what. She wants to know what an Exit sign is in 3 languages. "Uscita, ausgang and sortie," he replies smugly. A gold star for you, Robin Goodfellow, even though your pronunciation sucks.

Triumvirate One reach Gruyères, yet another picturesque car-free Swiss village, with one main street sloping up from the village entrance towards the medieval castle on a crag at the top. It really is extremely pretty, with a fountain and balconies full of flowers and ornate signs. How do the Swiss do it? I expect Heidi to show up any minute now, with her goats and the sounds of cowbells in the air.

But instead of Heidi I get Riley. He really is the Michael Schumacher of this TAR, with the aggressive driving and all. You know what I'd like to see some of? Buffy driving. May be she doesn't have a license. May be Golden Farmboy loves his phallic symbol too much to let her. Whatever.

Faith & Robin and Adam & Oz arrive.

The peace and quiet of the village is shattered as they stomp through the cobblestoned street. A great shot of a dog lifting his head from his napping position as he follows these stupid humans running crazily onto his territory, clearly up to no good. He yawns. What a smart doggie.

Up by the fountain is a honking green sign that says Yield. Phil takes the opportunity to tell us how the Yield works, like 3 in this Race, can only use it once but can be yielded more than once. They take turns stepping on the mat and making the completely cheesy declaration that they choose not to Yield anyone. Then they continue their peace-disturbing run up the village.

Riley confesses at a pitstop interview that because of the "misunderstanding" (and he uses his hands to indicate the quotation marks) between himself and Randy, he was tempted to use the Yield on Rupert & Randy, but decided to be professional and not use this for personal revenge. He then grins at the camera expecting some sort of acknowledgement of how big-hearted he is. I feel close to throwing up. It's fine if he doesn't want to turn this into a grudge match, but I get completely turned off by his self-satisfied grin.

At the cluebox they discover this is a Detour called Local or Exotic. In Local, you help the local cheesemaker in one aspect of the cheesemaking process. In Exotic, you go to the Giger museum next to the Château and assemble a robot.

Goldies choose the cheese, as do Team Efficiency. They race off towards the cheese factory at the bottom of the hill, and discover a clean, modern, fully automated facility. What? You expected Heidi churning the cheese by hand in wooden tubs? Tsk, tsk. While normally done by machines, in this Detour teams have to flip a dozen gruyere cheese wheels by hand, no small task considering each wheel is wider than an armspan and weighs over 80 pounds. Both make a good start, working together as a team. This is actually a golden opportunity to observe the two most physically fit teams at work. While Riley is taller than Robin, Robin doesn't seem to be losing out in the bulk factor. Similarly Buffy and Faith seem to even out.

TallShort has meanwhile entered the Giger museum. Remember when TAR went to the Catacombs in Paris and that set the creep-o-meter to maximum? The Giger museum RAISES THE BAR on creepiness, the fact that it's located at the pretty and quiet surroundings of a small mountain village adds to the spook factor.

Giger is this Swiss guy who designed the Alien, and won an Oscar for it. He creates worlds where people, aliens and machines are connected in grotesque and macabre ways and incorporates heavy sadomasochistic, sexual and horrific overtones to his paintings and sculptures, which are generally looming and large. I feel like his work comes from a place outside the imagination of a normal human brain.

The task in this part of the Detour is to assemble the alien from individual parts. The pieces are gruesome and you need to be very focused not to imagine a wet, menacing Mother Alien threatening you in the starring role as poor Ripley. It suits the stoic pair of Adam & Oz though. "Giger has a reputation in the music world, he designed the album cover for Debbie Harry's Koo Koo album, it's very dark and some people say disturbing. But it's just a model robot, we're not affected," says Adam.

Triumvirate Two arrive, they too choose not to Yield anyone. R.Randy chooses the cheese, "We think a physical task is better for us at this point," says Rupert. Lovebirds and Pirates choose the alien for their own reasons, "Man-handling 80lbs of cheese is too much for us," explains Anya. "We're good at puzzles and art," grins Willow.

When R.Randy arrive at the cheese factory, Efficiency and Goldies are neck in neck, having successfully turned over 3 wheels each. The Goldies are using brut strength, mostly Riley's, while Efficiency are using the shelves and floor as leverage, they finish the fourth slightly in front. Riley shoots Randy a dirty look as R.Randy get started.

TallShort alien construction camp. Oz is working on assembling the head while Adam works on the legs. Ah, rare banter! "Top 5 movie taglines," says Adam. Heh, a High Fidelity moment!

Oz ponders as he continues to put the robot head together. "In Space no one can hear you scream of course, which is fitting for this occasion. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away. And taglines for sequels that follow the original, like They're Here and They're Back."

"Poltergeist, yes," Adam intones. "Though this started originally with Garbo Talks! and Garbo Laughs!. I went through a classics phase when I was in college."

"I'm partial to Every father's daughter is a virgin myself," Oz muses.

"Which one is that?"

"Goodbye Columbus."

"You're a sensitive guy, Oz."

"Huh." From the guy who once played a young Woody Allen, I dare say sensitive is, well, fitting.

They finish the monstrosity and get the next clue, which tells them to make their way to Zermatt, the Pitstop for this leg of the Race. My goodness we're doing a Switzerland is soooo Beautiful tour, can it be that the Amazing Producers are preparing teams for, gasp, hardship, ahead? I mean, Zermatt, dude, the Matterhorn.

As they drive off, Triumvirate Three arrive. AAbot, naturally, goes for Exotic, as do the Moms and Principals, even though everyone in that group whose name isn't Andrew make a face when they see the interior of the museum. Andrew himself is almost peeing in his pants when he sees the alien, "Oh my god, first a James Bond adventure, now it's Alien, this is my utopia," he sighs dreamily. Feels like famous last words, don't they?

Back at the cheese factory, Team Efficiency finish the last wheel, looking like they've run a marathon. They get the clue and the relieved look on Faith's face when she learns it's a Pitstop, I feel for her. Of course, she is all sweaty and flushed in a tight tank top and ... I just went to another place.

Goldies finish, Riley roars. Is that for a task finished or directed towards Randy? He's possessive alright, that Farmboy. "I admit I want to get to know Buffy better, she's a nice girl and deserves more than Captain Cardboard," Randy confesses. "I know this is wrong, but I can't help it," he sighs. I'd offer him an ounce of sympathy, if I'm vaguely convinced he's better for her than Riley, but he isn't, so he gets nothing from me.

Back at the robot construction facility, Lovebirds slot the last piece into place and are off, with a little wave to the Pirates. "I can't imagine what's in the mind of someone who created this, I know I certainly can't," Tara comments. "I'm just happy we're not last, but there's still more driving to come, we have to be careful honey," Willow adds.

Xander & Anya don't seem to be doing too badly. "It's just like building a prefab house," he says to his wife. In the other corner, Andrew still has a ridiculous grin as he fits the pieces in easily, he's so twelve. April does pretty much nothing, but when they finish I see that the Moms' and Principals' robots aren't even halfway done. I've dissed AAbot from the beginning, at last they're showing a little ability.

Snyder snarls at the model. "If I see something like this at my school, it's straight to detention, it's disgusting." Flutie rebukes that it could be educational, teaching kids to put models together, it helps their puzzle-solving skills. Snyder waves his hand off-handedly at this, clearly not agreeing. STFU, Snyder.

The Moms are totally struggling. "This is too much, I don't know which part is which," they groan.

Over at the cheese factory, R.Randy finishes.

~~~~~

We're in Efficiency's car. They seem to have stopped at a waiting area full of cars and trucks. "We looked at the map and there's a shortcut through the mountains, even though it's a smaller road. We saw the tunnel on the map but didn't realize it's a car-train, I've never seen anything like it," Robin explains.

They're at the Kandersteg-Goppenstein car-train tunnel, yet another Swiss engineering wonder, where you drive your car onto open wagons of a train and it whizzes you through a tunnel over 9 miles long to the other side of the mountains. Is there anything those Swiss can't do? The ride itself is eerie, as you sit in almost complete darkness inside your own car, with just the sounds of the train chugging and the wind coming through your windows. Robin does what every person in that situation will do, he stretches out his hands and amusingly proclaims that he can't see his fingers. You can almost see his grin. Well, it's 15 minutes of smooching time with your girlfriend, bro, make good use of it.

Goldies and TallShort seem to have taken the long way and are stuck in traffic. "We're heading towards Visp, where we'll have to change to a train for Zermatt, but now we're in Montreux and there seems to be some sort of festival going on," Buffy says, looking frustrated.

We cut to an equally frustrated Joyce & Sheila. The oh my god's that proliferate from their mouths like some sort of swear words. "I wish I had a son, do your daughters ever play with monsters or models because mine didn't," Sheila says to Joyce. They look forlorn, and even more so when the Principals finish. "I never want to see anything like this ever again," Snyder says angrily.

Lovebirds and Pirate cars get onto the car-train. AAbot, on the other hand, are at the side of the road, trying to make sense of the map. "I don't think these two roads connect," Andrew whispers. "See here? The road carries on towards the left, and that line on the right belongs to another road. The car can't jump between non-connecting roads, Babe."

"Oh," says April. I think April, who I presume is navigating, made a common mistake. Her eyes roamed over two small roads and made a connection between them that doesn't exist, maps are 2-dimensional, and it's sometimes hard to "read" it properly to discern the actual conditions. Another example of how this team is not up to scratch as racers, I continue to marvel at their continual survival.

Efficiency get on a train with large windows and are excited at going to Zermatt. "I can't believe we're still in Switzerland," says Faith. "I've never seen such a beautiful and efficient country." She says the name of her team!

They disembark at yet another car-free village in search of the Church Square. Phil is waiting there with a grizzly mountaineer, he does his Point Over Yonder act again. "Welcome to Zermatt!" the grizzly mountaineer booms.

Team Efficiency, you're team number one, and have won a spa retreat holiday. They grin at the grizzly mountaineer, then at Phil, then at each other. Completely deserving too, don't think they put a foot wrong today. I don't usually bet more than $1 on anything, but I'm willing to put in a bigger stake, these two are my hot favorites to win.

Goldies and TallShort seem to have shrugged off the traffic, they're the next teams to arrive, the sight of the Amazing Bathmat in front of a church stirs something undefinable inside my one and only religious cell. Welcome, teams number two and three.

The Moms finish, looking totally beaten. "Let's hope someone had a puncture," Sheila says. "Or an aneurysm," says Joyce. Oh, first sign of nastiness, Joyce-Mom. Too little too late.

Lovebirds and Pirates arrive as a group. I think they deliberately drive the whole way together, after last leg's disaster the Lovebirds probably want to hang onto another team. They step on the bathmat all holding hands and are checked in as teams number four. "We've formed an alliance with Willow and Tara, we get along well and we want to work together to get ahead of the other teams. Our aim is to go into the final three together and I think we have a good chance of that," Anya interviews.

R.Randy step on the bathmat as team number six. I keep thinking they ought to do better, their relationship with each other seems to be improving, although Randy's tussle with Riley and his attention on Buffy is dragging them back. Get over it, Randy.

AAbot run up to Phil. "Give it to us," Andrew pants. Phil asks them how they think they're doing and they tell him they got lost in the mountains and are willing to live with the outcome. Phil tells them that they're team number seven and they're like, get out of here. "We're struggling, I don't know how we can do better," April says. Okay team, this is the highest placing you've reached, but seven is not your lucky number. You'll have to pull a miracle out of a hat to have a chance at the final three.

Principals on the train towards Zermatt, looking like the Irritable Brothers. They're arguing about whether they should have parked at Visp or Täsch, with Snyder again berating Flutie for making him drive all the way up a narrow winding road when they could have taken the train. "We're not last, Joyce & Shelia were nowhere near finishing when we left, we're safe. Why are you yelling at me like this, I don't like it when you yell at me all the time," Flutie whines. If you don't want your team-mate to yell at you all the time, get a backbone, Flutie. Snyder impatiently says that every minute counts when they leave in the morning, it can be the difference between getting on or missing a train. He has a point, but not the way to treat your team-mate, old man. They're not talking to each other when they step on the mat as team number eight.

It's almost sundown when the Moms arrive, they have hardly any energy or emotion to hear themselves Philminated. Killer Fatigue strikes again! "We proud of our achievement, our children will think so too," Joyce says.

If I think about it, team distribution at the end depended largely on one event, the 3/4 mile run at Mürren between the train station and the cable car. The enforced bunching into 3 separate groups pretty much sealed the fate of the last 3 teams. There weren't sufficient chances later in the leg to catch up. Andrew's skills at robot assembly moved him up one position but they lost it when they took the wrong turn. I don't like this type of bunching, it doesn't make for good TV, let's hope the Amazing Producers do better, there's an Emmy at stake here you know.

*****

Teaser for Episode 6

Next episode, money seems to be an issue.

"They charged you $100 for a visa?" asks Faith.

"Are you kidding me? You're charging me 20 times what it's worth," Anya exclaims.

And teams face a big challenge.

"Oh my god I need a hospital," says April.

A yellow clue envelope lie on the ground while other people trample on it.

*****

Useful links & information

Bernese Oberland:

Sherlock Holmes Museum and Statue

Mürren

Fribourg:

Château St Germain, Gruyères

La Maison du Gruyere cheese factory

HR Giger Museum

Valais:

Kandersteg

Zermatt

*****

Edited cos I forgot next episode's teaser.
------

quiet thoughts

Edited by: hidden watson at: 4/15/05 8:58 am

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:10 am

Mat Chat with Phil

After we stepped off the mat and checked in with Ashley, she asked us to stay behind for an interview with Phil.

"We want to do a longer clip, not only about the leg but your thoughts in general," she said.

We were tired, after waking up at an inhuman time and racing all day, but Phil was always nice, he didn't come across as full of himself just because he was a tv personality. He endeared himself to us, and me in particular, when he came up to ask how we were after we came last in Bellinzona. "Not to mention he's hot," Willow would say to tease me. After 10 days of being in each other's company 24/7, we'd already gotten comfortable with teasing. I would have been extremely anxious and insecure, before, if she came out with something like that. All the thoughts about whether she was really interested in me, or if she was going to head back to boystown one day.

"You want just me and Xander, or all four of us," Anya's question shook me out of my private thoughts. I reached out to link my arm through Willow's.

"Why don't we have you all," Ashley replied. "I'll let you freshen up first, we'll start in 20 minutes, is that enough time?"

We nodded, used to working quickly now.

Twenty minutes later we settled into comfortable chairs, sipping tea in the garden of a beautiful hotel in a beautiful Swiss village, with the most famous mountain in Switzerland as our backdrop. It felt like a vacation.

"So how are you finding the race, Willow?" Phil asked.

"We're happy not to be last anymore, we were lucky with the non-Elim but haven't made any mistakes this leg," she answered, quite diplomatically I thought.

"How did you manage to get yourselves out the situation you found yourselves in at the end of last leg? You started this leg with even more money than the others," he said, smiling.

"We went into town and had quite a successful begging spree," she winced at the memory. It hurt her pride a lot, having to ask strangers for money. "But then people started paying for Tara's portrait drawings and we had a pretty good run."

Phil turned to me. "That was inspired, where did you get the idea of doing portraits?"

"Well Phil, drawing and painting are very natural to me, and there were a group of children there that morning doing the same. They let me join in and borrow their stuff, it was great of them," I answered.

"I like the sketches, you have a lot of talent," he praised. I blushed.

"May be you can draw for us too. I'll pay good money for it," Anya interrupted. At our looks, "Seriously!"

"What would you have done?" Phil asked Anya and Xander.

"Probably just the begging," Xander shrugged. "It's not like I can build a wooden cabinet or Anya can do someone's taxes in such a short time."

"You know, like in Charlie Brown, you can knock together a little booth and Anya can sit behind it and there'll be a sign that says 'The Tax Accountant is in'," Willow joked. We all laughed.

"You guys seem to have developed a friendship, how does that help you in the Race?" Phil asked.

"We've formed an alliance with Willow and Tara, we get along well and we want to work together to get ahead of the other teams. Our aim is to go into the final three together and I think we have a good chance of that, right?" Anya said, turning to us.

"Definitely, we don't want to be clique-y to the extent of alienating the other teams, but we have a comfortable partnership that seems to be working to our benefit," Willow explained.

"Tell me about your motivation for coming on the Amazing Race," Phil posed.

Xander and Anya went first. "For the past few years, since I came out of construction, we've been working our butts off building the business, we haven't had a lot of time to spend together. And it got to a stage where we felt like we're more business partners than, well, bed partners," Xander started.

"When we eventually have children, we'll have even less time, so this is a great opportunity to re-affirm our relationship," Anya added. "That, and to win the million dollars, of course."

"What will you do with the million, if you win?" Phil asked.

"You know, after taxes, you're not left with a lot, at least not enough to retire. We'll probably pay off our debts, inject some into the business and save the rest for the kids' college fund."

"What about you ladies?" Phil asked us.

"Don't really know, upgrade my computers, buy some start-of-the-art equipment, invest in some software startups," Willow said.

"Fly first class," I said simply. Willow smiled and took my hand, she knew what I was talking about.

Phil noticed the gesture too. "How has the Race affected your relationship?"

We paused and looked at each other before replying. "We feel very close, this is the longest we've spent together and although it hasn't exactly been relaxing, I'm amazed at how easily we slot in together —" Willow trailed off and smirked at me. After last night I knew exactly what she meant by 'slot in together', I smirked back.

"Yes we're thinking and acting as one unit. Of course we've worked on projects together before, but this time it feels like a real partnership, that we are connected, as a couple," I smiled. "And the people in the Race have been very accepting, which is a bonus."

"Pfff, what do you take us for? Christian Identity followers who can't tolerate the idea of accepting people who are different from them? They have more than a screw wrong in their heads," Anya said rather vehemently. "Love is love, why are people so hung up about who other people love?"

"May be they're not secure enough in their own lives and relationships," I said.

"May be they're not getting any so they get jealous," Xander snickered.

Phil quickly intervened to get the interview back to PG-13. "How do you feel about your relationship being so out in the open? How total strangers can see all and pass judgment, whether you like it or not?"

"It was only after we got through to the short-list did it fully hit us, if we do well on the Race, we'll be targeted by the media. It was scary at first, cos none of my family know about our relationship. Willow was the one who came through for me," I said.

"I nagged and nagged and nagged," she grinned. Actually it took her a great deal of gentle persuasion, coaxing and one surprise visit at a vulnerable moment to convince me. I'd just heard some bad news and was feeling down, we talked until the small hours one night, only hanging up when we started becoming incoherent. Imagine my surprise when she showed up at my doorstep the following afternoon, she took a 6am flight to get to Birmingham, after being up till 4am. How could I not fall in love with her even more?

If we weren't in the company of eight other people and in front of the cameras, I would have grabbed her and showed the extent of my appreciation there and then. I made do with squeezing her arm.

"You did a good job, no amount of nagging from my wife would have convinced me to come on the race," Phil said.

We looked at him curiously. "Why not?" Xander asked the obvious question.

"It's too hard, physically and mentally. I have so much admiration for all racers, but no, I'd never do it myself," Phil answered.

"Do you have a favorite team, Phil?" Anya asked.

"Oh, I don't want to show favoritism, plus each season is different, the team dynamics change from season to season," Phil answered tactfully. "I just want to wish you guys the best of luck, you've done well so far. Even if you don't win, consider yourselves as having gone on a one in a lifetime adventure."

And with that, the interview wrapped up.

Of course I could tell you how I showed Will my appreciation that night, but a girl needs to have some secrets, so I'll leave it up to your imagination :).

*****

------

quiet thoughts

by **justin** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:09 pm

That was another great episode :applause

It was good to see the lovebirds getting back up near the top. Though it was a shame that the mums were eliminated, I'd much rather that the principles went.

The bungy jumping sounded cool, though on the other hand eek :shock

Which was also my reaction to Riley wearing a blue polka dot bandana. Surely they should get some sort of time penalty for that? Then again if people got penalties for their wardrobes the lovebirds would probably have been eliminated, so it's probably a good thing they don't.

I have one criticism. The amazing producers obviously haven't read The Return of Sherlock Holmes (or the site for the Sherlock Holmes society) since otherwise they would have known that he didn't die at the Reichenbach Falls. I think if I'd been a contestant I'd have gotten my team eliminated by wasting too much time complaining about the clue being wrong

Looking forward to :read

more

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

www.writingcircle.co.uk

by **meretricious** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 4:48 pm

watson, i'm kinda sorry to see the moms go, esp. since we're still stuck with the principals, but they really did deserve it. they would've come in last in the physical or the mental task, and didn't take enough advantage of making the holmes connection. i like this better than if they had lost over some sort of stupidity, they just couldn't hang.

as always, i smiled all the way thru this and laughed out loud many times. i esp. enjoyed the adam/oz banter, and i can actually picture riley and adam hitting it off, like buffy's dream in restless. i'm ready for riley to be gone, though- wearing a bandana and roaring? i'd almost rather listen to snyder complain about a bunching that benefits him. ok, maybe not. would love to see buffy's pov about all the testosterone flying around her.

i blanked on blofeld's cat in the title until you got to the james bond stuff, and was thinking shrodinger's cat instead (this is how mushy the brain gets when i wait til apr. 15th to figure my taxes) so i was thinking at least there's a 50/50 chance the cat will already be dead. you may have finished common areas, but you're driving me back to quantum physics anyway. ~mary

take me somewhere we can be alone
make me somewhere i can call a home~zero 7

Edited by: meretricious at: 4/15/05 3:56 pm

by **Artemis** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:51 am

Great episode! Ah, I love TWoP-style snarkiness

I started giggling right from the title, and kept going throughout. That first clue was a tricky one - I should've known it was Holmes, but I just instantly assumed that the clue was referring to a real famous character... no doubt that's what happened to Rupert as well (besides nearly being laminated over the front of a truck - keep your eyes on the road, Randy! More driving, less fantasising about Buffy). And yay for the Lovebirds' smart racing, using their brains and not just relying on bunching to stay with the pack.

The Roadblock up at Piz Gloria was great for a big Bond fan like me I just wish they'd gotten up to the restaurant itself, but hey, bungee jumping off a cable car, that ain't bad either Big cheer for Willow doing the jump - her doing her understand-every-aspect panic routine was funny, but she summoned up her courage and jumped anyway. And a backflip too, action girl! Of course, the promise of a hug from Tara is a pretty good reason to jump out of anything

Andrew geeking out was funny too, it's nice to see the poor guy get to do something right. Respect for Xander, being Goldfinger on the which-villain-are-you test - Goldfinger's the best, hands down. (I'm Alec Trevelyan - okay, not the best himself, but he's got an awesome henchgirl!)

I so would've chosen the Giger Detour too. I'm right there with Andrew, I could put an Alien together in my sleep (guess what I've got a statue of standing on my desk?). Agree with Tara though, Giger's designs sure don't come from an ordinary mind (not that that's a bad thing, I love his work, but man...) And as if I needed another reason to dislike Snyder, he doesn't like the Alien! Bad principal, grrr... I'd just like to see him try to get an Alien into detention, I know who my money would be on to survive the encounter

Speaking of surviving, drat that the Principals did I know the Mums were kind of blundering along, but I'd gotten used to them, and Sheila sure showed her mettle on the cable car jump. Bye bye Moms But I'm glad to see Willow and Tara making friends and placing well on this leg. Hopefully their alliance with the Pirates stands up to the tests ahead, they're two teams I wouldn't mind at all running right to the final leg.

Looking ahead, I'm wondering where the race is headed next They've spent a few legs zipping around western Europe, so I'm thinking a major change of scenery is coming up - will it be south to Africa, or east to the former Soviet states? Those seem like likely destinations.

How could the Race producers resist putting ze mat in Zermatt? Hehe Okay, I'm easily amused... I'll be eagerly awaiting next episode - what's up with April? Nothing too serious I hope, I'm kind of getting used to having her and Andrew blundering around the place, it'd be sad to see them go - kind of like kicking a puppy (even if it is a dumb puppy). Still, I don't see a big future for them - it's not like every leg is going to be full of geek-oriented challenges. And whose clue envelope is that on the ground?

The post-leg interview with Phil was lovely too - I liked Willow teasing Tara about Phil being a hottie (not an uncommon opinion among race fans, I've noticed ), it's nice that they're close enough to tease without getting nervous. Anya's great, in her own way - kind of an interviewer's dream, she never dodges a question. And I know Willow and Tara like their privacy, but I don't think anyone would have complained much if there'd been some mid-interview smoochies As it happened, I bet in Kitten-Race-world, screen grabs of them holding hands are being made into desktop wallpapers even now.
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!

by **JustSkipIt** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:10 pm

Hey there, I haven't got time to leave proper feedback but I'm hoping some is better than none. What a strange set of challenges today: running? James Bond? S/M model building or cheese turning? Very strange.

I continue to be amused at Andrew's proficiency at the strange challenges. Lol. Also was struck at the characterization that the males took the running/bungee jumping challenge and the 2nd group includes willow. Not even a "Willow, who took the challenge for her team..." Just Willow. Lol at Willow large with the butch.

I like the format which allows a little of backwards revelation regarding their burgeoning relationship. Quite well done. Interesting that they have an alliance with X/A. Of course alliances on TAR not always the same as Survivor... Still, pretty cool. Seems the "the reviewer" (your) attitude toward the Pirates has improved with every update. This makes me think more of their chances (although I still root for Faith/Robin but would like to see them developed more).

It's hard to predict who will win. At this point, I'd put my $ on X/A based on the amount of play their getting. I can't imagine that it will be W/T just because it's so easy to give them everything (great job, great house, powers of invisibility, and strength +6). So for now, I predict X/A. If you talk to the other racers and fates, how about getting rid of the principals next? Well done as always.

Quote:
My admiration for the older couple grows in leaps and bounds, even though she can be annoying.

Can be annoying? God, she’s a harpy! I like the way they treat each other but they just aren’t worthy of the race. I can’t believe they’re still in it at this point.

"It is better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all- Georges Courteline

"Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there." - Chare Booth Luce

My latest story: Survivor - Ash Island
Edited by: JustSkipIt at: 4/18/05 8:12 pm

by **Traveler4069** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:01 pm

I have never seen the TV show this story is based on however, however I have become caught up in the story and cheer and boo the various teams as they play. I fully intend to follow each update to see where you take us even though you did eliminate the Mom's instead of leaving the principals stranded on some nice cold Swiss mountain peak. Thanks. Traveler

by **TinyAnt** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:40 pm

I really like the story, and I think the choise to write it as a Twop recap was a great one! Reminds me of the times I udes to read the Btvs recap.

I never watched TAR either, although now I'm wishing I had. I hope maybe I can catch some episodes. Your fic really made me want to see one! (plus Phil, whom I have no idea how he looks like)

I liked how, despite the fact that everyone would've prefered to see the principals go, you stayed true to what would've happened in reality. I found it very real that a task like assambling that robot would've put the Moms at a disadvantage.

I'm a teeny tiny little ant, checking out this and that

I am nothing so you have nothing to hide

'Pea' - Red Hot Chili Peppers

by **tarawhipped** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 5:45 pm

I'm starting to feel like I have nothing more relevent to say than "geez Watson, cool update!", but...geez, Watson...cool update! Seriously though, between you Debra, I'm having a blast reading these crossover fics. Entertaining AND educational...I love that you include the links to the real sites...if I ever get back to Europe I feel like I have a mini-Baedeker at my fingertips.

As for the Moms getting eliminated, I can't feel too badly for them. After all, we all know the results of the one time Joyce and Sheila worked together on the show.

:peace

-Cam

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

by **ringwaldoeuvre** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:28 am

Blah-blah-blah-Feedback-cakes.

I only just read this story, and there was just no way I could not comment on the TWoP format. Words cannot express my profound love of Television Without Pity. From Couch Baron starting every "Veronica Mars" recaplet with "So like, you guys?" to the "And he's all..., and she's like..., and he's all...," and lots more snark gold, TWoP is a beacon of light in an otherwise bleak media world. Between this fic and the "Survivor" fic, I'm starting to wonder if I should give reality television a chance. Of course, it wouldn't have the Buffy characters, so I'm undecided. It will at least get me to read TAR recaps. TAR and Survivor seem less exploitative and less tacky than a lot of the reality programming we see on that paragon of morality, the Fox Network.

Plus, your references to Garbo Talks! and Garbo Laughs! made me recall my own classic film phase in middle school. The films were "Anna Christie" and "Ninotchka," if memory serves?

You do a great job moving the action forward with clarity, while still bringing the snark. I look forward to the next post.

~ringwaldoeuvre

by **TaraBaby77** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:35 am

Okay, well, I'm not the greatest with detailed feedback. But, I do know this, I am hooked to this action pack story!!! You are really really good with laying everything out for all of us to read, see, and feel. Okay, my brain is trying to be all wordy, but doesn't seem to be working, heehee. Anyhoo, great story, great work. I can't wait to see what happens next. Especially with the whole hospital thing with April. Take Care. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:20 pm

justin - thank you for the very quick response! The Moms were good competitors, but ultimately disadvantaged by the physical challenges and of course unfamiliarity with the alien. Oh, and the Amazing Producers do indeed know that Holmes returned, but "drive 80 miles to Meiringen and find the statue of the famous character who almost met his death in the nearby falls but managed to grab onto a tuff of grass to break his fall, rock-climbed back to the top and hid from his enemies for a while by faking his death but didn't have the courtesy to tell his best friend" is perhaps a bit too long a clue, hee :lol

You wouldn't believe the mileage Meiringen actually gets from advertising itself as 'where the famous detective Sherlock Holmes fell to his death'. What the Amazing Producers should have said was "drive 80 miles to Meiringen and find the statue of the famous character who met his first death in the nearby falls", that has even more impact. Ah well, too late now.

meretricious -

Quote:
i like [the Moms being eliminated] better than if they had lost over some sort of stupidity

yes agreed. They ran the race as well as they could, and should be admired for that. Oh, no quantum physics here, otherwise we'd have teams time traveling all over the place and all of a sudden we'd get Ben & Glory and their stupidly not reading the clue antics back ... oh no way

Chris - thanks for the giggling. I can see you really enjoyed this leg, James Bond, Alien, Giger -- you have a model of the Alien on your desk? Wow, how cool You'd totally love the Giger museum, if you ever get a chance to visit Switzerland I can't recommend it highly enough. He's expanded and opened a bar opposite the museum, complete with exo-skeletal chairs and dark, broody atmosphere. I did the Bond villain quiz as best as I could as Xander and did get Goldfinger, so yeah. Still can't find that Which Bond gadget are you? quiz though.
Quote:
I liked Willow teasing Tara about Phil being a hottie (not an uncommon opinion among race fans, I've noticed)
Phil's great, his Diaries and videos on the CBS website shows how he's not just a pretty-face presenter (even he is eye-candy, even for like me). I read a super interview he did, he produced all the episodes in New Zealand, his Dad runs a B&B and he came across as very down to earth.
Quote:
I'm thinking a major change of scenery is coming up - will it be south to Africa, or east to the former Soviet states?
Believe me, I've toyed with both, you'll have to wait and see, though not for long

Debra - some feedback is definitely better than none. I think you commented in the Ash Island thread that you're not seeing as many feedback comments as you're used to. I can certainly vouch for that, it may be the reality tv concept, there really are too many crap reality tv programs out there to put anyone off. Willow took the bungee jump without fear, I think Tara would have done the same, although I don't peg Tara as the adrenalin junkie, at least not as much as Willow can be.
Quote:
It's hard to predict who will win ... I can't imagine that it will be W/T just because it's so easy to give them everything (great job, great house, powers of invisibility, and strength +6)
Well I picked my final 6 and rolled, one team came up again and again as firs, so I consider it a sort of sign. But as "God" in this universe I have the power to do anything

Traveler - thanks! I think that even without watching the tv program itself, the Race can stand on its own. I think Elimination of the Principals is a popular plea, let me see what I can do about that ...

TinyAnt - thank you! Like I said, I hope this version of the Race can be a standalone. If you can catch a little bit of real TAR, you might be surprised at how good it is this season, it's coming to an end, but that will probably be more interesting to first time viewers. Plus, you have to see Phil and his yumminess for yourself

Cam -geez, Cam ...cool feedback! I'm lucky, I have been to the majority of these places (jealous now? Hee ). And you reminded me of the reason why the Moms should be eliminated, I mean, MOO? They haven't been as dense or irritating though, so I'll give them credit for coming so far.

ringwaldoeuvre - oh, another twopper You mention Couch Baron's VM recaps, what about his Classic Buffy recaps?! And Ace and Sep's BtVS recaps that in the UPN seasons were the only bright spots in the Buffyverse? TAR and Survivor, particular this season, have both returned to form, sort of. Still, I say here on the KB we have the better cast! The taglines were indeed Anna Christie and Ninotchka, when I was about 14 I went through a huge classic film craze, I had a gigantic crush on Ingrid Bergman, I mean who wouldn't? Thanks for reading!

TaraBaby77 - hey Aaron, I appreciate your feedback very much, it thrills me to know I have you hooked and interested. I'll continue to try to entertain!

------

quiet thoughts

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:25 pm

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first

Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Extras are R or more

Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.

Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?

Episode 6 - I can't get the alphabet soup to stop wriggling

Episode Recap

Sweet but boring horn music brings us to Switzerland, the land of mountains, skiing, cheeses and tunnels. It is also the Pitstop for the latest leg of a race around the world.

Speaking of cheeses, what do we see teams eating but ... fondue? Back home, giving a fondue party is so ... 1970s, but here in Switzerland it seems to be a fairly normal affair. Of course, when you're dipping your farmfresh bread into real gruyere cheese rather than a godawful concoction of Velveeta and dried onion soup mix it's so much more appealing. [*not difficult. I mean, Velveeta, ewww.*]

Looking at the start times, it appears that the last leg took almost exactly 12 hours, which seeing that we're in Switzerland, aka the Land of the Punctual, is kinda karmic.

Phil wonders if Faith & Robin can continue to lead the pack, and if Randy and Riley's personal problems will scupper their teams' chances. Can Snyder & Flutie, the oldest team left on the race, overcome their last place finish?

4.57am. Team Efficiency get going. The clue tells them to make their way to Geneva and find out the full names of a list of organizations whose abbreviations are given on a piece of paper. They are to hand it to the ICRC Museum for verification and the next clue. I'm so distracted by the sight of the Amazing Hands that I only catch a couple, but cbs.com helpfully has a nice animated version that fades in and out with the answers:

UNITAR
WIPO
WMO
ITU
UNHCHR
UNCTAD
ICRC

5.15am. Goldies. Did they, like, forget they have to do personal hygiene or something? Cos, Riley's sporting a decidedly Sonny Crockett look, while Buffy's hair definitely need some Herbal Essence intervention. A little voice tells me that somebody overslept.

5.17am. TallShort. Looking better than the team before them. They count out the money for this leg, they have $269, that's a lot of money, are they going to, like, make a deposit at one of those Swiss banks?

The first three teams board one of these ultra-modern double-decker Swiss trains. Buffy explains that they're on the 0530 and the next train is at 0608, so they're happy with the small lead they have. On her left, Faith scowls, probably not happy at losing their advantage.

5.49am. Pirates and Lovebirds together, looking terribly lovey-dovey as they run off in the direction of the station. Willow voices over that they know they have to get a train out of Zermatt, seeing it's car-free and all, so they bought tickets for Visp last night, knowing they have to get at least that far. "It was CHF 32 each, Xander & Anya had enough money, but Tara and I had to do a little begging, there wasn't enough time to set up another portrait studio, according to the timetable we'll be quite rushed if we wanted to catch the 0608," she grins. No more rojak clothing for them, they're actually wearing matching striped T-shirts I haven't seen before, similar pattern but different enough so you don't feel like they're wearing 'couple' outfits. You know, I sort of miss the color explosion.

6.11am. Randy rips open the clue on behalf of his team and promptly drops it. His father says something about shaking hands, "It was a tiring day yesterday, especially with the physical challenge at the end, my muscles are definitely feeling their age," says Rupert. Well, you could have gone for the less physically, but definitely aesthetically challenging, Put-the-Alien-Together Detour. Also, I saw the preview, can this be the anvilicious foreshadowing about the clue on the ground or shameless misdirection?

6.33am. AAbot, looking like they're entering a Spot-the-Droopy contest. C'mon, it's still the beginning of the leg, KF doesn't hit till the middle or the end, don't ruin the routine, okay?

7.12am. That's a big gap. The Principals voice-over that they have decided to work together better as a team, to leave aside the differences in personality and to concentrate on running a good race. Now you guys decide to be a team? When you're in last place and more than half an hour behind the team in front of you? Sheesh, gimme a break.

Thing is, the God of Sympathy Towards Annoying Pricks and Their Passive-Aggressive Cohorts gets out of his bathtub and gives them a break, because next thing we see? The last three teams getting on the 0730 train together. Just great. Spoil my day, will ya?

The Amazing Yellow Lines make their way across the bottom left-hand corner of Switzerland and into Geneva. In the first train, Riley and Adam, fulfilling my HoYay! fantasy that started last leg, huddle together to puzzle over the clue. Not sure about the application of the others though. "I can't get the alphabet soup to stop wriggling all over the page, I'm getting a coffee," Faith announces. She's joined by Robin and Buffy.

I like this clue as much as I like any clue that's not spoon-fed. In other words, it's better than spoon-fed clues but is basically the lesser of two evils. My problem with it is, I don't see why the Amazing Producers choose to give the clue to the racers so early, to allow them the opportunity to find the answers. I think someone smart and technologically savvy, like Willow for instance, will find a way to figure out the abbreviations before they even get into Geneva.

Which, guess what, is exactly what our junior Einstein is doing, having begged or borrowed a hapless businessman's cellphone. "Who's she calling?" Anya is asking Tara.

Tara shrugs. "Someone in Japan, but somehow she's using a local Swiss number. Don't ask her to explain, you'll never understand the answer," she says as she smiles adoringly at her girlfriend. When do we start having Phone-a-Friend lifelines on TAR? All of a sudden I feel I'm on the wrong show, and Regis the Conductor was gonna come round the train checking our tickets. At least everyone wants to be a millionaire.

Oh my god. Willow is grinning like the cat that ate a whole plate of cream (or is it just Tara?) as she starts writing down the names of the organizations. She thanks the person on the other end of the phone and profusely thanks the guy who let her borrow his phone. That guy looks completely smitten, I don't have the heart to tell him that the object of his lust is a) already taken; b) too concerned with running a race and c) not interested in his type (read, gender) at all. Poor Swiss businessman guy.

"It's pretty obvious. Geneva, lots of abbreviations starting with U and W, must be the UN. So I called the UN. It's too early in Geneva and too late in New York, but I got patched through to the UN University in Tokyo and someone gave me the answers," she explains enthusiastically.

Is she allowed to do that? I think so. The clue says find the full names of a list of abbreviations, it never says how. Presumably they can ask around, go to the library, or use the internet. By calling up the UN itself, Willow hasn't done anything wrong at all. I'm just flabbergasted the other teams haven't thought of something similar.

~~~~~

Geneva train station. Efficiency / Goldies / TallShort. They jump into taxis and show the clue to the taxi driver. That's the strategy you've spent 4 hours devising? Perish forbid. The drivers understand though, and the Goldies' one even helpfully tells them they want the Palais de Nations, where the UN is based.

TallShort's driver brings them to the Place de Nations, and the first thing they see is a gigantic chair, with one of legs torn off. It's a powerful symbol, one constructed to bring home the devastation brought about by landmines, the broken part is several times taller than Adam, which says a lot. They decide that the best bet to find out more about their clue is inside the UN, and that's another impressive sight, walking along a path lined with national flags.

Efficiency finally arrive and look around the square. They deduce correctly that the abbreviations have something to do with the UN and they're off to the UN library.

They have an hour before the Lovey-dovey Alliance arrives, and we know they already know the answers. It's going to be interesting.

In the last train, teams are spread out, each at their own perches. April seems to be suffering from travel sickness, a clearly concerned but clueless Andrew keeps bringing her water.

Randy has from somewhere conjured up a map of Geneva, and father & son decide a visit to the tourist office is prudent, considering it's only a short walk from the train station. We spy Andrew, returning from one of his water excursions, eavesdropping on the R.Randy conversation.

Principals are reading through a guidebook, they look quite smug. "This guidebook was a great investment, it told us what 3 of the abbreviations are, and we think we know where to get the rest," Flutie comments. Great, just great.

A little tension music as the Pirate / Lovebirds train arrives and they immediately get taxis to the Red Cross Museum. To be politically correct, it's the International Red Cross & Red Crescent Museum but I'm going to take liberties and abbreviate it.

Goldies and Efficiency seem to be lost in the corridors of power, finally they are directed to the library.

TallShort are already there, and finish quickly. They are the first team to the Red Cross museum and receive their next clue. In it, they are told to go to the country whose flag they have in their hand and find a statue located at the capital city, whose picture they also have. "We're at the UN, it should be easy to find a country flag," says Adam. Heh, more non-spoon fed clues, yay!

Goldies finish and head off towards the Red Cross museum. They're told one of their answers is incorrect and they have to come back with the correct one. They peruse the list carefully and are a little lost, clearly thinking they have all the answers. They have no choice but to return to the UN library. "More going through metal detectors and bag searches," Buffy groans. "Hope the line is shorter," Riley puffs beside her.

On their way they meet up with Efficiency, going the opposite way. "You sure we got ours right?" asks Faith. "Yeah, I'm sure," says Robin. And he is right, they are the second team to receive the clue. "I think it's Nigeria or Kenya. Or Burkina Faso. I'm sure it's an African country," Robin states. Um, duh, dude. They ask at the Red Cross museum, saving the trip back to the UN Library.

Meanwhile Pirates and Lovebirds arrive at said Red Cross museum. "How come they got here so quickly?" Faith wonders. In an interview, she elaborates, "We knew we were at least half a hour ahead of the next teams, and it turned out they found out about the abbreviations on the train, so they skipped a whole step."

"Man, I wish we could have thought of that," Robin says, openly admiring Willow's brilliance.

They find out it's the flag of Kenya and the statue is that of Jomo Kenyatta, Kenya's first President after gaining independence. Wow, the people at the Red Cross museum sure know their flags and statues.

All three teams jump on taxis and head towards the airport.

Goldies find out they've mistaken the UN High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) for the Commissioner for Human Rights (UNHCHR). What a big difference one letter makes. They get their next clue.

Principals / R.Randy / AAbot train. Principals immediately get into a taxi and Snyder tells the driver to head towards the Place de Nations, quickly because they are in a race. I'm all prepared to snark at him for mis-pronouncing Place de Nations, cos I'm all about Snyder-hate right now, but he's a principal afterall, and he does it more or less correctly.

R.Randy go to the tourist office, followed by AAbot. April still looks under the weather, I wonder if it's the cheese, or crisp mountain air, or exposure to gruesome alien parts. They get directions to the UN Library.

Where the Principals are at. "It's like a busman's holiday," Flutie comments. He is clearly in awe of the surroundings. The last two teams arrive shortly afterwards. Now, I'm pretty sure there are other places in Geneva to solve the clue, the fact that they've all been directed to the UN Library is too much of a co-incidence to me. Seeding by the Amazing Producers much?

The educators solve the puzzle first and get the clue. Flutie recognizes the Kenyan flag, as a teacher might, and they trek off to the airport.

~~~~~

At the airport, TallShort at the Swiss International Airlines counter. They are just in time for the 1100 flight to Paris, connecting to Amsterdam then to Nairobi, arriving at 6am. They have to run fast to the gate though.

Efficiency, Pirates and Lovebirds arrive at the airport and start to work the counters. They can't make the 1100, but can get on the 1155 to London to another connecting flight that gets them to Amsterdam in time to catch the same KLM flight to Nairobi. In fact, the Amsterdam to Nairobi flight leaves at 2040, meaning all teams will have time to get on it. What does that mean? Bunching, of course. Plus we're going to Africa, land of the spoon-fed charter flights, I'm fed up with spoon feeding, I tell ya.

They have half an hour to kill, Anya decides to nose around the other counters. She finds out that they can get a 1310 to Rome, then connect to Addis Ababa on Ethiopia Air to get to Nairobi at 0500, an hour before the KLM flight.

Anya pulls Xander aside and they have a heated debate on whether to tell Willow & Tara. Xander thinks they should, because they owe them one for the abbreviation clue, but Anya is not too keen, cos, well, they're in a RAAACE. "What about Faith & Robin?" she points out. They're too strong, she doesn't want to lose any advantage to them. Is she saying Willow & Tara are weak? I don't think so, I just think this is a case of Pirates thinking that on say, a footrace, they will never be able to beat Faith & Robin, but have a better chance against the girls.

In the end Xander wins the argument, I get the feeling this is not a common occurrence. Anya grabs Tara off to the bathroom. Tara frowns, but after coming out of the bathroom, tells Anya to go back to the group, walks over to the counter herself and changes the tickets. "I feel bad about not telling Faith & Robin, but they are a strong team and Anya tells me she's not telling them about the other flight," she says as she pockets their new tickets.

When she gets back to Willow, she takes her girlfriend's hand and they ostensibly go for a walk around the terminal. Perhaps it's a case of half pretense, half spending time together, that's my wishful thinking.

Faith & Robin get on the 1155 flight early, which makes it easy for the other two teams to no-show. "We know we'll all get bunched at Amsterdam, but we got seats at the front of the plane anyway, it doesn't hurt to get into practice with this," Robin says, a little smugly.

Faith is looking around, trying to spot the others, and when the door closes, she starts smelling a rat. "Did they get another flight?" she turns to her partner. Robin looks irritated. "*Beep* (though I can see him mouthing "shit"), we didn't check thoroughly enough, they must have. But what good will that do? The only flight to Nairobi is the 8.40pm from Amsterdam," he groans.

Goldies arrive at the Swiss Airlines counter, it's 11.45am. Ten minutes to spare. But the gate's already closed. No amount of begging will get them onto the flight. They are told the next flight is the 1345 via Zurich that connects to the Amsterdam flight. Why isn't anyone told about the Rome/Addis Ababa flight? Is it because it's with Ethiopia Air and they don't have a strong relationship? Or may be the ticket agent has a mental block about Rome or Addis Ababa? It's so strange.

R.Randy and AAbot, back in the city, finish their abbreviation and flag identification tasks. At the airport, they are sold tickets on the 1345 via Zurich and Amsterdam. What's wrong with Addis Ababa?

Pirates and Lovebirds board the Rome flight. "We hid behind pillars until boarding, we were so afraid the remaining teams will see us. Surprised that no other teams came through, we think they're all on the way to Amsterdam," says Xander, who looks a little self-satisfied.

For the second time in an episode the Amazing Yellow Lines make an appearance and Phil tells us it's 3,800 miles from Geneva to Nairobi. It's late afternoon, 1615, when the Lovey-dovey Alliance board the Ethiopian Air flight in Rome, just when Efficiency arrive at Amsterdam.

As more teams arrive at Amsterdam, we see Faith & Robin, in particular, looking more and more disappointed. Yep, bunching can do that to you. But the big question on everyone's lips is, "Where are Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara?"

~~~~~

"Jambo!" The traditional greeting meets our first two teams into Nairobi. It's 5.30am but the airport is full of people already, mainly drivers touting for fares. Anya looks uncomfortable as she is confronted by the mob, but she and Xander manage to get into a decent taxi.

Willow & Tara try the age-old tactic of smiling a lot and also hop into a taxi for the Jomo Kenyatta statue. They ask their driver how long the drive is, in broken English he replies, 30 minutes. He keeps smiling all the time, we get eyefuls of his white teeth. Quick, get the executives of Crest on the phone, stat!

Lovebirds arrive at the statue first and retrieve the clue. It's a Fast Forward. Phil explains that this is only one of two Fast Forwards on the entire Race, only one can be used per leg and teams who complete the FF can skip all tasks and go directly to the Pitstop. In this FF, they travel approximately 5 miles to the Nairobi Animal Orphanage and feed a baby leopard.

"We're first, and how can we pass up this opportunity?" Willow asks Tara.

They worry for a second about Xander & Anya but upon seeing a taxi, jump inside and off they go to feed dangerous big cats.

Pirates arrive a little later and see that the next clue is a Detour. In this Detour, they have to choose between Buy & Sell and Find & Tell. In Buy & Sell they make their way to the City Market, buy local handicrafts and take them to a nearby craft shop to re-sell them. They will get their next clue when their profit exceeds 1000 Kenyan Shillings (around $13). In Find & Tell, they go to the Stanley Hotel and locate yellow and red messages pinned on the trunk of the large acacia tree at the hotel entrance. They are to take one message and follow the instructions inside.

They decide to do market. "I love the smell of money in the morning," Anya is almost gleefully rubbing her hands.

6.42am. The KLM flight wobbles, then lands. Teams charge out to the terminal to be greeted by a horrendous line at the Immigration counter. They are mixed in with backpackers and a large contingent of Taiwanese tourists. There's pushing. And shoving. And yelling. And my eyes see spots.

Faith & Robin attract the attention of an official looking ... official. Robin takes up the story, "We were all lining up to go through the formalities, there were a lot of people. Then an official tapped me on the shoulder and we followed him past a prayer room and a couple of sleeping rooms, and then it was another corner of the airport with very few people at the counters. At first we thought we were in trouble but it turned out it was another area where fewer planes have landed. We got through very quickly."

The other teams are still stuck in the scrum as Efficiency get into their taxi. Wow, talk about good luck. They get the clue at the statue and decide to go for market also.

AAbot arrive at the statue, decide on for the message and quickly make their way to the Stanley hotel, which is brimming with colonial atmosphere, down to the pith helmeted doorman. They pluck one message off the tree, it tells them to bring the message to George Wanjala Odhiambo at the African Art and Antiques, Prudential Building, Wabera Street. They ask the concierge for a street map.

Phil tells us that leaving messages pinned on the trunk of the thorn tree at the Stanley has been a tradition for decades. People still use this method of communication although it has largely been replaced by the internet terminals inside the aptly named Thorn Tree Café. One feature of Nairobi streets is that there are only building names, but not street numbers. So on a street that is quite long such as Kenyatta Avenue, it can take a while to figure out where a particular building is.

They get directions to Wabera Street, which turns out to be only a couple of blocks away. They find the African Art and Antiques, and locate the man they are looking for. He gives them the next message, to be delivered to another person at the Standard Chartered Bank, Moi Avenue. Ooh! One of those wild goose chase clues, like you unwrap the packaging on a gift box to find more packaging, and you don't know when you will get to the end. Sweet.

Efficiency run into the Pirates at the market, the stalls are just starting. "What happened to you?" Faith asks.

"We went through Ethiopia," says Xander. "Where are the other teams?"

"Probably still at the airport, I don't know why but we got waved through," says Robin.

"Ah, may be they haven't paid the bribe," Anya speculates.

"No one asked us for any money," Robin says.

"What? We had to fork out $100. For visa, they said," Anya exclaims indignantly.

"They charged you $100 for a visa?" asks Faith.

"No, $50 each, and we thought that was daylight robbery," Anya says, still indignant.

Before Faith can reply, they are approached by a group of Kenyan women carrying a collection of carvings and trinkets. They start bargaining.

Principals, Goldies and R.Randy get the clue at the statue, they pick Buy & Sell. Finally TallShort make it, they pick Find & Tell.

~~~~~

Anya seems to be doing best at bargaining with the stallholders. She shows interest in one article, then switch to another. At one stage of the bargaining process, she gets ready to walk away. "Are you kidding me? You're charging me 20 times what it's worth," she exclaims. The stallholder begs for her to return. Working steadily, she buys a couple of elephant carvings, a mask and a candle holder.

Faith & Robin are too easily embarrassed, they don't seem to bargain as hard, they seem to be concentrating on purchasing textiles — blankets and scarves of deep red Masai color. Goldies are capitalizing on Buffy's charms and they spend a lot of time at one stall, emerging with armfuls of necklaces, bracelets and statuettes. Surprisingly, Rupert turns out to be a master bargainer, even the women at the market laugh nervously.

The Principals, on the other hand, are not getting anywhere, all they know how to do are hand gestures of numbers. They're getting clobbered by the crafty Kenyan marketholders. Snyder is so frustrated he is red as a beetroot and seems like he's ready to throw all the stuff in front of him on the ground and stomp all over them.

Pirates are at the craft shop and they make 1100 shillings. Anya does the dance of joyous capitalism and they receive their next clue, to make their way to the Carnivore restaurant at the edge of town. Hmmm, eating challenge!

Efficiency has a profit of 850 shillings, they have to go back to buy more stuff. Goldies' profit is 780 shillings, they can't quite believe it and try to bargain with the shopkeeper. It works, to some degree, he gives them 800 shillings. Okay, so much humiliation for just a quarter, sheesh.

R.Randy has 1050 shillings, they get their clue and are happy. "I never realized my Dad can be such a fox, wow," says Randy. Fox? He calls his father a fox? Does he, like, have a screw loose or what?

Principals bring their wares to the shopkeeper, they get 200 shillings. How pitiful. "Let's change to the other task, this will take forever," Flutie says. Surprisingly Snyder agrees. They abandon their goods and head off towards the Stanley Hotel.

Somewhere else, AAbot find their third person, but it's not the end. They are told to deliver another message to someone at an Italian restaurant on Mama Ngina St, they look disgusted. TallShort are at their second stop, trudge, trudge, trudge.

Inside the Pirates taxicab, Anya is frantically looking through the Amazing Bum Bag. "What's up?" asks Xander.

"I can't find the clue, do you have the clue?" Anya wails.

"I thought you have the clue, you have the Race bag," Xander answers, not unreasonably.

"I don't have the clue, what did you do with it? You ripped it!" Anya's voice goes up a pitch.

Xander looks inside his bags and coat. Nope. No clue.

At the market, a yellow clue envelope lie on the ground while other people trample on it.

Meanwhile Efficiency get their 1000 shilling total and run outside to hail a taxi. Goldies are hot on their tail.

AAbot go to the Italian restaurant, find their person and are told to go find another person at the Danish Consulate at Koinange Street. They are utterly dejected. "We walked round and round the same 3-block area I don't know how many times. It was like go to this person, get the message, go to another person, get another message. I started wondering if we picked the right Detour," Andrew interviews.

Pirates return to the market and Anya is screaming and yelling for people to get out of her way as she desperately searches for the clue. "We know we'd lost the clue, and from races before we also know if we don't have the clue we can't complete the leg, so it was a matter of cutting our losses and going back to look for it," Xander explains.

Incredibly when AAbot hand the message to the person in the Danish Consulate they finally get the clue. April breaks out into a little smile, then grimaces. Oh, the travel sickness is still there.

TallShort finish also, but where are the Principals?

Pirates go back to the stall where Anya made such a huge impression. Their clue has been picked up and the stallholder gives it back to them. Phew! They give him 100 shilling as reward.

Okay, where in Nairobi are the Principals?

~~~~~

The Nairobi Animal Orphanage, located inside the Nairobi National Park, is part an education initiative to allow visitors to learn more, and interact with, animals normally found in the wild. It attracts more than 200,000 visitors a year and at any time will be caring for animals such as chimpanzees, lions, impalas, zebras, countless birds, and of course the baby leopard our Fast Forwarders is to help feed.

Lovebirds are in awe. "This is so beautiful," they swoon when they enter the grounds.

Visitors are usually not allowed such close contact with the animals, but they are in good hands as the vet in charge gears them up for the feeding. The first thing he does is to warn them that although the cats look cute and don't have fully grown claws yet, they are nevertheless still wild animals and not pets. Playing with a baby big cat is nothing like playing with a kitten.

After putting the fear of god in them he asks them to put on overalls. Then it's off to the feeding.

"Oh my god, it was so incredible. The vet held the baby leopard in his lap and we took turns feeding him milk from a bottle, it was just like feeding a baby," Willow interviews.

"He'd make these cute gurgling noises as he drank the milk, then he'd purr so loudly," Tara added.

After the bottle's finished the vet tells the girls that it's time for burping. Yes, even baby leopards have to be burped after they have their milk! He rolls him over on his lap and they stroke his back gently for a few minutes until he actually burps. A loud and liquid sounding burp that sounds like he's about to puke the milk up, but he doesn't.

They continue stroking until he falls asleep, I can see they don't want to leave. I'm watching this on tv and I feel touched.

The vet eventually takes the sleeping cub inside. Tara has tears in her eyes as she says good-bye to the baby leopard, Willow has her arms around her partner and I'm touched again. I can't think of anything snarky to say about this moment, I must be getting soft in my old age.

The vet returns with the clue, and we're back to the reality of the RAAACE. They are to make their way to the Karen Blixen Museum, the Pitstop for this leg of the Race. They ask if it's easy to get a taxi, and the vet, clearly taken by the girls, offers to take them. Swoon!

It's a short ride, and soon they are running up to Phil. Welcome, team number one. They have a nice chat with Phil about the leopard feeding experience and I can tell Phil is happy for them too. Phil has another piece of happy news for them, as the winners of this leg of the Race they have won a cash prize of $10,000. They are ecstatic, then share a meaningful look and a smile. I wonder if they're going to kiss. But it's better, they turn to Phil and ask if they can donate this to the Animal Orphanage. Remember how touched I was just now? I'm melting into a puddle of touched-ness and I don't care if it's not a word.

While donating your prize money in front of the cameras may be taken as a cheap publicity stunt, even the hard-edged, cynical crone inside me can see it was nothing of the kind. These two incredible ladies were genuinely moved by their visit to the orphanage and I truly believe they did the right thing. I'm sad now, cos they'll be off my screen for the rest of the episode, but in my mind I picture them at the Pitstop, talking about their day and sharing more lovey-dovey moments. Sigh.

~~~~~

With difficulty I tear myself away from the sugary sugariness and return to the Race.

Rupert & Randy's taxi pull up at the Carnivore restaurant. Time for the Roadblock. Phil, magically transported by the power of television from the Karen Blixen Museum to the restaurant, tells us that the Carnivore restaurant is famous for serving all sorts of grilled meat, from the usual beef and lamb to the exotic like zebra, buffalo and giraffe. The Roadblocker is presented with eight covered plates, on which there is a pound of meat. They have to pick one and finish the entire plate in order to get the next clue. They will only know what they are eating when they remove the cover.

Randy takes the Roadblock and he gets crocodile. He pulls a face but starts eating anyway.

Faith & Robin arrive next, Robin volunteers. "I'll eat anything, I'm not afraid to try new food. If they can serve it in a restaurant it must be edible, it might even be nice," he says gallantly. He gets wildebeest. You know, those large stupid looking creatures that travel in millions across the plains and whose purpose in life seem to be to be food for lions, cheetahs and leopards. They make such good Discovery Channel 'Lions hunt for food Special' fodder. Robin takes his first bite and says, "gamey and very tough."

Buffy & Riley next. Inexplicably it's Buffy who takes the Roadblock, would have thought a strapping boy like Riley will like his meat better than his slip of a girlfriend. She gets, surprise surprise, spare ribs! So not all plates are exotic meat, oh man.

Meanwhile, and I'm honest enough to say I've completely forgotten, the Principals finish their Detour and get the next clue.

Back at Carnivore, it's April & Andrew. They are having an intense discussion about who to take the Roadblock. "You're not feeling well, I'll take it," says Andrew. "You've taken the last 3, I have to do one," April reasons. I think that teams are beginning to be conscious of the 6 Roadblock rule and distributing between physical and non-physical tasks. Though I'm not sure it's a wise decision, April takes the Roadblock, and gets giraffe. She pales when she takes the cover off and see the sheer amount of meat there.

Adam & Oz. With no fanfare, as is their style, Adam picks one plate, sees that it's zebra, and begin.

Randy finishes his crocodile and they get the clue. "Wasn't that bad, actually. Tastes a lot like overcooked chicken," he grins. They are to go to the Karen Blixen Museum, as we know, the Pitstop.

Buffy is enjoying herself very much, naturally being the only one at the table with a familiar meat. She can eat, that girl, and polishes off the ribs quickly, like a poster girl for TGI Friday's. They get the clue and head off looking for a taxi.

Xander & Anya, now reunited with their clue, pull up. Anya nominates Xander immediately, he shoots her an irritated look but says nothing. His expression turns around 180 degrees as he gets lamb. "My favorite!" he declares. My goodness, what a stroke of luck.

Robin finishes the tough wildebeest and they get the clue.

Finally the Principals arrive at the restaurant, Snyder has to pick between the last two plates and he gets ... chicken gizzards. He looks sick.

Which is how April is looking. She is really struggling, I think she shouldn't have done the Roadblock. They can make it up on the next one, what's good about taking turns if they get eliminated? She whimpers and asks Andrew for some water, holding her stomach gingerly.

~~~~~

At the Karen Blixen Museum it's Rupert & Randy. Well done, team number two. "Not a bad leg, we did better than other teams in the market detour, thanks to Dad, and I managed to finish the meat without much trouble," Randy gloats. Alright, grudgingly I admit this team is gradually creeping up my radar screen. I'm thinking about their 'hook' of estranged father / son and I wonder if they're really as estranged as we were led to believe.

Buffy & Riley check in as team number three. "I just want to lie down," Buffy sighs. Not much contact between Riley and Randy today, may be Buffy is being more perceptive than I thought and the reason for her doing the Roadblock is to prevent a scene between the two.

Faith & Robin arrive at the Amazing Bathmat, they're team number four. Oh, slippage, their impenetrable armor is dented a little on this leg. Losing out on the earlier flight, not bargaining hard enough. But still finishing within the top half, I'll give them credit for that. Still my favorites to win.

Xander catches up a lot on the meat eating, he finishes almost the same time as Adam. "The zebra was very dry, so I was quaffing water. That wasn't so smart because it made me full quicker," Adam interviews. "Did it taste like chicken?" asks Oz. "No, more like leather," Adam says.

The both get their clue and are off.

April is on the verge of collapse, she's puking all over the place. "Oh my god I need a hospital," she says. "I have spasms in my stomach, Andrew. I don't know what to do!"

"Do you want to leave it?" he asks.

April pauses a beat, swallows hard and then totally floors me by showing some backbone. "We'll get a 4 hour penalty and eliminated for sure, come over and help me."

Andrew sits by her and rubs her back. She takes a deep breath and proceeds to take small bites into her giraffe meat. Not a lot left, but she has been there a while, it must be so cold and congealed by now, I don't envy her.

This rapido editing between the restaurant and the Pitstop is beginning to bug me, but I guess that's how the teams finished. Adam & Oz come up to Phil and are welcomed as team number five.

Xander & Anya are team number six. This is their lowest position so far, I know that if it wasn't for the misplaced clue they'll be right up there. But that's the way the Race goes sometimes.

Snyder is trying his best to scoff down the gooey mess that is on his plate. It looks like shit, literally, pardon my French. At regular moments he gags. Yuckiness all around.

I hate these eating challenges, it's so Fear Factor. If I want to watch people eat gross stuff I'll watch that stupid excuse for a tv program instead, why are the Amazing Producers forever mixing up reality shows nowadays? Admittedly it's better than forcing the racers to eat 4 pounds of beef parts, but only slightly less heinous.

I tip my hat in the direction of April, I never expect this sort of mettle from her. They are not my favorite team and I've said again and again I don't think they have good enough racing skills. But I'm on my feet clapping when she finishes, because it is deserved. I'm feeling generous today.

They get to Phil as team number seven. After next elimination we'll have six teams, so I say this again — April & Andrew, seven is not your lucky number.

There's no suspense as the Principals are the only team left. Snyder still has half a plate left and he's discussing with Flutie whether he should give up. "We're in last place anyway, so getting a 4-hour penalty isn't going to improve our standing, this stuff is disgusting, I can't eat any more," he says.

"But if this is non-Elim, we'll be 4 hours behind, and without money to boot ..." Flutie trails off.

"You want me to finish this foul gunk? No beeping way!" Snyder insists.

"I don't want to be last," Flutie whines.

"We're last anyway, don't you get that? April and Andrew just left," Snyder shouts.

"How long will it take you to finish this?" Flutie asks.

"I can't, it's sickening, it'll take hours," Snyder snarls.

Flutie walks away, leaving Snyder in his tracks. He is clearly fuming but doesn't have the guts to confront his team-mate. What a dysfunctional team.

Next we see him with their backpacks and going over the Snyder. "Let's go, take a chance," he says.

They ask for the clue and shortly afterwards arrive at the Amazing Bathmat. They're the last team to arrive and Phil's sorry to say they're Philminated. Even before applying the 4 hour time penalty.

"We've had so many difficulties on the race, it's like someone up there is continually testing us," Snyder says tersely at the Pitstop interview. Flutie stays silent. I say for the last time, and I thank all the deities who listened to my plea, Shut the Fuck Up, Snyder.

*****

Teaser for Episode 7

"My internal organs are too busy playing musical chairs," says Xander.

Teams see a zebra for the first time and are like a group of excited toddlers seeing ice cream.

"You mean they can climb inside?" April shrieks.

"We're going star-gazing," says Tara.

*****

Useful links & information

Geneva:

UN agencies

International Red Cross & Red Crescent Museum

Answers to the abbreviated organizations quiz:

UNITAR – United Nations Institute for Training and Research
WIPO – World Intellectual Property Organization
WMO – World Meteorological Organization
ITU – International Telecommunications Union
UNHCHR – United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights
UNCTAD – United Nations Conference on Trade and Development
ICRC – International Committee of the Red Cross

Kenya:

Stanley Hotel

Carnivore restaurant

Nairobi Animal Orphanage

feeding baby big cats

*****
------

quiet thoughts

by **hidden watson** » Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:28 pm

Willow's Journal

Today started early again, the sun was barely up when we left the hotel, but there was enough light to see the outline of the Matterhorn. I know it sounds cheesy, but as a symbol of a country goes, nothing can beat the Matterhorn as the Swiss representative.

We're so in tune with our waking routines now, we can get ready in record time. Of course, not having inhibitions about your bodies help when one is taking a shower while the other is using the sink. Tara reads all my journal entries (hi Baby!) but I'll be bold and say, I can't wait till it's Time, and my baby knows what I mean. But I also get what she says about the right moment and making sure it's as special as it should be.

The Race kept us in Switzerland all morning, with a puzzle-solving task in Geneva, but by lunchtime we were on our way to Africa. Wow. I mean, AFRICA. We were on the same flight as Xander and Anya. Xander was being annoying and kept saying "I had a farm in Africa" in a Meryl Streep / Out of Africa accent, until Anya slapped him repeatedly.

We lost them at Nairobi airport. After the predictability, cleanliness and simply general perfection of Switzerland, it was a big shock to be in a totally different culture. The people were pushy, but we didn't feel any malice. We felt okay, this was an expected part of coming on the Race, so we were well prepared not to freak out.

When we realized we were first to the cluebox and a Fast Forward was available, we took it immediately. How could we not? We got to feed a baby leopard by hand.

It was the most amazing experience in my entire life, and I think for Tara too.

The cub was 5 weeks old and was being cared for by Peter, a vet at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage. He didn't have a name, Peter said he tended not to name the animals that come through the orphanage otherwise he got too attached to them. Privately Tara and I started calling the leopard Little Leo, which of course meant lion, but it was close enough anyway :).

Peter fed Leo every 2-3 hours, each time about 5 ounces of formula that was made up of milk powder, goat's milk, vitamins and blended baby food, usually turkey or beef flavored. He laid him on his lap while we took turns with the bottle. I said to Tara afterwards that I wished Peter could have let us hold Leo while feeding, but she said it may be too unfamiliar to the cub and he might get nervous. She's right, of course.

Afterwards Peter told us we should burp him. Of course we knew human babies have to be burped after feeding, but didn't make the association. We stroked his back gently until he burped, it took a good 10-15 minutes. His fur was soooo soft, a little coarser than even an adult cat, but he kept purring away like mad all the way through. It really was fantastic.

We kept stroking him after he burped, until he fell asleep like a cute kitten curled up comfortably in Peter's lap. We didn't want to leave him but Peter told us he needed to go back to his quarters to sleep until the next feeding. When he grew older, he will have to be taken for walks to become familiar with the open environment as eventually he will be released back to the wild (after they tag him with a satellite tracking device of course).

I think feeding the cub brought out maternal instincts in us that we didn't realize we have. For Tara she is feeling it in a big way. The thought of children has occurred to me, but I tend to dismiss it, probably because it's pretty impossible for two women to have kids and I want our kids to be "ours", which again, impossible. The other possibilities like adoption, surrogates, donors, all seem too remote.

But my heart broke when I saw Tara interacting with the cub, and how longingly she stared at him even after Peter took him back to his pen. She will make a good mother one day, and I want to be part of her family too. Those other possibilities come to mind again and I find I'm not as adverse to the thought any more.

Anyway, Peter very kindly drove us to the Pitstop. He told us more about what the orphanage does, and how many visitors it attracts every year. Right now they have in their care several baby impalas, bushbucks, zebras, hedgehogs, baboons, warthogs, and a tiny rhino. Most of them are there because they were abandoned by their mothers, or if their mothers died due to poaching or disease. The more he told us, the more in awe we felt.

When Phil told us that we'd won a cash prize, Peter's words were fresh on our minds and we decided, without needing to talk about it, that we'd donate the prize to the orphanage. The prize money would have of course gone a long way, if only for air tickets, but there were others who needed it more than us, and we felt no hesitation at our, perhaps impetuous, joint decision.

Aside from the feeling that we'd done something worthwhile, what astound us is how we came to the conclusion simultaneously, it was like our minds were completely melded that there was no need for words, the connection was so strong.

I'm still feeling the connection now, inside me, and I'm sure she can too. The way we held hands all the way to the hotel, how we spent an hour in our room snuggled up close, it feels like our relationship is going up another step. I look at her silhouette under the covers and my love for her is so enormous I can't accurately find the words to describe how I feel. This race has brought us together in unimaginable ways and I want so much for us to have a future together.

We are almost 2 hours ahead of the other teams, may be they'll catch up with us tomorrow, but we're very happy at how today ended. Anya said that the Roadblock consisted of eating a pound of meat, that although Xander's was lamb, Robin got wildebeest and April, poor April, had a whole plate of giraffe meat, while suffering from food poisoning. I'm glad I didn't have to go through that — I would have done it cos Tara is vegetarian, but a whole pound of meat? Goddess I'm no Merchant of Venice.

My final thoughts on our first day in Africa. The smells are different, and so are the people, the weather, the language, the environment. Food looks and tastes different and even flowers and trees appear more exotic.

Africa changes people. I can see why now.

*****

------

quiet thoughts

by **meretricious** » Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:21 pm

watson, i worked fifteen hours today, and really just want to go to sleep, but then saw you updating and you completely dashed that. fabulous update, as usual, and FINALLY the principals are gone. thank gawd! if i were ever able to find an iota of sympathy for snyder anywhere in my being, though, it would be over a plateful of gizzards. revolting. but nope, no sympathy, it was too good to see him go. i can't picture april as a power eater at all, but was impressed with her sticking to it, the aabots definitely seem like the weakest team standing, though.

and maybe my favorite line in this fic so far, xander imitating meryl streep. it was all the better for being pretty much a throw away line, i laughed so loud i startled me dog.

nice to see willow and tara catching some good breaks this time, but a pox on anya for considering ditching them so soon. sure, they can't stay a team forever, but if you start the day as a team you should see it thru. made me less sympathetic when they lost their clue, for sure.

less tall/short this update, i'm still thinking they're the team to beat, esp since last update you showed them to have a sense of humor, and i can't see them ever wasting time. if this fic were a line on my favorite internet gambling sight, i'd be placing 20 on them right now.~mary

take me somewhere we can be alone
make me somewhere i can call a home~zero 7

Edited by: meretricious at: 4/22/05 9:27 pm

by **justin** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 2:22 am

Great update :applause

Firstly, Yay! the principles have gone

Though the downside of that is we won't get to see Flutie snapping and beating Snyder to death. Also with them gone, which team are we going to hate now? It's a shame Randy and Riley aren't on the same team.

About the acronyms when I read

Quote:
UNITAR

I though, "UNIT? That's easy, the United Nations Inteligence Taskforce." Then I realised it actually said UNITAR and was like, "oh!"

Though mad props to Willow for thinking of calling the UN. I'd have never have thunk of that.

I agree about the eating challenge being a bit too Fear Factor. I just hope they don't have any pit stops involving sitting in a vat of maggots or anything like that.

Looking forward to more

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

www.writingcircle.co.uk

by **Artemis** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 7:42 am

Great episode :bow

There were so many moments that had me grinning like an idiot. Anya getting to put her Haggle Fu to good use was a great one, like Andrew having his moment of glory last episode (speaking of, hey Rupert, what's aesthetically challenged about an Alien, huh? Huh? :fit2

... okay, perhaps I should stop mentioning I find them cute in public...). Yay for the Lovey Dovey alliance finding a quicker flight to Nairobi, and hiding behind pillars to keep the others from following them :lmao

Boo to Anya though, for wondering whether to leave the Lovebirds behind - there's still eight teams in the race, honey, it's not backstab-time just yet. And with yet another example of Willow's race-smarts (poor smitten guy... still, I'd happily lend the Lovebirds my cellphone, car and services as a porter if they happened by Sydney in an upcoming leg - course, I don't have a cellphone or car, but I'd carry their bags for them until I collapsed...), I wouldn't be wanting to risk her and Tara becoming dissatisfied with their alliance until I was sure it was a them-or-us situation. Sometimes I think Anya's too competetive for her own good

There did seem to be an actual benevolent deity of some kind watching over the Race this episode though (who thankfully gave the God of Sympathy Towards Annoying Pricks a well-deserved slap before he could do too much damage), first getting the Lovebirds to that Fast Forward first, and then giving Anya a little karmic payback for entertaining anti-Lovebirdy thoughts.

I do kind of agree with the anti-Fear Factor sentiment - it's interesting to find out some of the crazy stuff that gets eaten overseas (says me, who thinks Tim Tams are a food group ), but there's only so many times you can watch people make themselves sick by eating until it gets repetetive. Unless it's Snyder of course. Speaking of overseas stuff though, this episode really reminded me of one of the things I'm appreciating about watching the Race, now that this fic has hooked me on it, which is all the amazing places they go, and the things you find out. We just got the episode of TAR6 where they went to the terracotta warriors in China, and wow, that's a lot of soldiers (which still doesn't make it okay for that bad guy in Tomb Raider Cradle of Life to go smashing a bunch of them. Even aside from the fact that he was trying to kill Angelina Jolie, which is another no-no).

Definitely top of the list for this episode's standout moments, for all sorts of reasons - including the amazing places one mentioned above - was the Animal Orphanage. That was definitely several episodes' worth of "Awwwww " in a single episode right there. Willow and Tara are so sweet, I know everyone says it but it's true. I can just imagine them tickling a baby leopard's tummy (lucky kitten). That was definitely one of those moments like Kristy and Lena at the hay bale roadblack, with her going on and on into the night just because she didn't want to let her sister down, where reality TV spontaneously turns out a moment that you couldn't possible have done better if it'd been scripted. Except in this case it was scripted, but you get what I mean... you really had me forgetting that for a moment. And then when they got the prize (yay!) and on the spot donated it to the animal orphanage, again awwww . I agree that doing something like that in front of cameras can be sort of publicity-stunt-ish (I heard Jonathan (of Team Spazpants) donated some stuff to the Ethiopian village he was Philiminated at, which is probably the first time a charitable donation has made me want to king-hit the donor), but I don't think there's any doubt that Willow and Tara didn't even consider that they were on camera. If being wonderful people counted in the Race, they'd be several countries further down the track by now.

Speaking of where everyone is, I've been having a look at my home-made Race Track Chart and pondering who might make a good showing in the final stages. The Lovebirds had a bit of luck this leg, and otherwise haven't been in the habit of leading the race, though they haven't been falling hugely behind either (we can safely ignore that wrong-castle disaster as a one off - I hope ). And between them they have a knack for securing advantages that other teams don't have, Willow with her race-smarts and Tara with her aura of wonderfulness - I don't doubt Willow was very appreciative of their trip to the animal orphanage, but I kind of think it was Tara's reaction that had their tour guide willing to give them a lift to the pitstop. If they weren't already on a Fast Forward, something like that could have got them a place or two. Bunching tends to work against them, in that the advantages they pick up get taken away before the end of the leg, but if they happen to find an opportunity to work their magic late in a leg, when it's a close race between several teams, they could leapfrog several places.

I don't see AAbot hanging around much longer. I admire April's determination in finishing the roadblock - even if under the circumstances it probably would have been better to let Andrew do it (suspect decision-making being part of their problem) - but overall they're not especially smart or fast. Nor do I see Rupert and Randy keeping pace - they had a good finish this leg, but they're not consistently ahead of the pack. Buffy and Riley are improved over their early poor placing, but I don't know if that's going to last.

At this point, I'm going to call the Lovey Dovey alliance as the leaders of the field, so long as Anya doesn't insist on dissolving their partnership. Team Efficiency's good, but I don't think they can overtake the Lovebirds and Pirates if they keep working together. They'll be on their heels if either falters, though. And after them, I'm actually favouring Oz and Adam, the quiet achievers, to come through - I don't think they'll make the final three, unless they improve somewhat, but I see them knocking out the other teams before they go themselves. So my bet's on a Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya, Faith/Robin finale. As for who will win... well, I know who I'd like to win The smart money should be on the Pirates, but Anya's competetive streak, for all the benefits it has, seems like it could perhaps misfire at a critical moment, and let Team Efficiency eclipse them. Whether the Lovebirds are in front or behind when the switch happens I don't know, but my money's on Team Efficiency placing higher than the Pirates by the end, barring catastrophe.

Willow's journal entry was sweetness upon sweetness - I was thinking during the episode that the relative brevity of the description when they were feeding the baby leopard might be compensated for in the Extra, and was it ever. Willow's thoughts about family were very deep, and I'm sure Tara will be very touched when she reads them. They'll make a great family - I think Willow's doubts about 'remote' options like adopting or surrogates would have been quite affected by seeing how easily Tara (and herself) connected in such an affectionate way with that little leopard, even though it a) wasn't theirs, and b) wasn't even the same species. Some things go deeper than blood, I guess.

As for next leg the lovely Lovebirds are two hours in front of the field, which is a handy lead. I'd love to think that they'll be able to hold it, but this is the Land of Charter Flights, as you mentioned, and having just seen TAR6's jaunt through the mighty continent, where everything was done on three-team chartered flights, I'm worried that that two-hour lead will be spent standing around an airfield waiting for two more teams to arrive.

But on the bright side, assuming there is a charter and people arrive for flights in the finishing order from this leg, Willow and Tara will be sharing their flight with Rupert/Randy and Buffy/Riley - leaving their strongest potential opponents, the Pirates and Efficiency, eating their engine backwash as they fly into the African sunrise.

Great episode Great TWoP snarkiness, lovely heart-warming sweet moments... go Lovebirds!
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

Smut Bunnies!: Saving the world, sexily!

by **hidden watson** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:06 am

Quote:
my home-made Race Track Chart

Wow! Chris, I'm impressed. This prompts me to share my own chart, which I use to keep the score. It's one of the 5 or 6 bits of paper I have on my desk that I use to plan the Race. I give teams scores based on their position, and keep a running total (the bold figure in parenthesis). Even though Principals have a lower total score than AAbot, they came in last on Leg 6, so are eliminated. The lower the total score the better placed they are. No surprise that after 6 legs, Xander & Anya lead Faith & Robin by 2 points.

Team/Leg 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Darla/Angel 12 E E E E E E
Ben/Glory 3 11(14) E E E E E
Lorne/Cordy 8 3(11) 10(21) E E E E
Joyce/Sheila 10 6(16) 2(18) 6(24) 9(33) E E
Snyder/Flutie 9 5(14) 8(22) 7(29) 8(37) 8(45) E
April/Andrew 11 9(20) 9(29) 8(37) 7(44) 7(51) →
Buffy/Riley 6 10(16) 5(21) 4(25) 2(27) 3(30) →
Rupert/Randy 1 8(9) 7(16) 5(21) 6(27) 2(29) →
Willow/Tara 5 4(9) 3(12) 9(21) 4(25) 1(26) →
Adam/Oz 7 2(9) 6(15) 2(17) 3(20) 5(25) →
Faith/Robin 4 7(11) 1(12) 3(15) 1(16) 4(20) →
Xander/Anya 2 1(3) 4(7) 1(8) 4(12) 6(18) →

------

quiet thoughts

Edited by: hidden watson at: 4/23/05 8:22 am

by **Safuega** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:21 pm

Watson:

I've been remiss in leaving feedback on this funny story, so let me make up for it by thanking you for introducing me to TWoP. I had to read a couple of Miss Alli's recaps to figure out the context of your story, and I must say that your recaps are just as hilarious as Miss Alli's. Totally love your snarkiness and how you have plugged BtVS characters into this story.

Now that I am more familiar with TAR and your Kitten Race, I have found myself wishing that Willow and Tara would get to a pit stop first so that they could get one of those free trips to somewhere prizes. I figured that since their primary goal for joining the race was to be together and get to know each other more, they could use the prize as a honeymoon of sorts. I figure that they dont' need to win, but it would be nice to see them get far enough up in the race to look good, but still walk away with something like a trip where they can have time for themselves and away from the race and their daily lives.

I am thoroughly enjoying the little asides about Willow and Tara. They are sweet and lovely. Thanks for sharing this story.

Safuega

by **JustSkipIt** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:24 pm

Hey HW,

Again I say very well done. I like this episode very much. It seems that the wheat is being truly separated from the chaff here. I'm astounded that Willow & Anya seem to be the only two showing any real intelligence in this episode. First Willow with the smart cell-phone research and then Anya with the planes. Why didn't anyone else try either thing? Not smart at all. It would have been interesting if the moms were still around to see those tasks from them.

God, I can't believe Aabot are in the top 7? Of course the old folks are in the top 4 in TAR and I feel like something is wrong there for sure. Thank god for goodbye to the principals.

You had some really great lines here and you know that I love the descriptions of W/T rojak clothes in every episode. Although no rojak today. Team Efficiency simply must start having some more personality or I'm going to start rooting and predicting the Pirates as my winners. At least RRupert didn't suck this week. Totally amazing.

The fast forward was wonderful and the contribution of the $10,000 again great. Got to love that thinking with one brain stuff from the girls. But geez... Tara! What are you waiting for on the "going all the way" thing? Have you seen Willow? This Tara isn't on the show to demonstrate what blind people can do right? And I don't mean to insult blind people because she has hands and sense of touch so she can feel that Willow's a hottie. So WTF?

A two hour head-start seems quite nice if I didn't know that there would be some leave at 2:12 go to gates of some place that opens at 9:30 task coming up. Grrr arggghhh bunching.

Well done. Thanks for the quick updates.

Oh, RE: responses and reality TV. At this point, it seems that with each update to my story, I get 2-4 responses that say: "well, I wasn't reading this because I HATE reality TV but now you've got me hooked." I'm sure that if people try yours they'll defintely do the same. hmmm...

"It is better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all- Georges Courteline

"Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there." - Chare Booth Luce

My latest story: Survivor - Ash Island

by **illusivekae** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:17 pm

Oh my frikin god, I just starting reading episode 5. When I came across "Yes, and so do I. So do I." [/Horatio Crane] I bursted into laughter. Honestly, I'm still laughing -- the tears have just arrived. God, that's just way too hilarious. Easily the funniest thing I recall reading in a fanfic. Anyway, I have to get back to the episode, but I just couldn't continue without posting my praises. I'm loving the story. Keep up the great work, Watson. Thanks! -Erin

by **ringwaldoeuvre** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:30 pm

Excellent update, and not just because the snark was unfettered and I recognized Kenya's flag instantly. You are completely correct about Sep and Ace's recaps making the UPN seasons bearable, which was quite a feat. I am also a fan of Erin's recaps of "Alias," and I must say, Omar G's "Smallville" recaps are perhaps my favorite on TWoP. I first got into TWoP because my sister told me to look for the description of the Gayest Look of the Episode, and I was hooked from there. They even got me to watch a few "Smallville" episodes back in 2001 and 2002. "Smallville" is the Gayest. Show. On. Television. Talk about HoYay!

My favorite Garbo film is "Camille," and not just because she could act with her eyebrows, and nothing else, and still be wonderful. Ah, Ingrid Bergman. But of course. I think I was 11 when I first saw "Notorious," and it was love at first sight. To this day, all I think when I see Isabella Rossellini is, "Woot. Ingrid Bergman's daughter!"

Now, feedback about the actual story. You do a great job subtly changing the mood as the teams switch continents, and as usual, the action moved forward very well. I'm leaning toward Oz/Adam and Faith/Robin to win. I have this vision of Anya/Xander bickering over something and losing an opportunity. Well done.

~ringwaldoeuvre

by **YMKA** » Sun May 01, 2005 12:24 am

Hey there!

Wow....between Debra and you.....I want to watch TAR now :O Evil evil people.....getting me hooked up on Reality TV shows...

[wonder if the real ones actually going to be as interesting as Debra's and yours].....

As I said before, not really a reality TV show fan....but you write amazingly! It's witty, funny.....just the right amount of everything....suspense..... I read it almost in one go....work got in the middle (how rude!!!). Oh my god.. .you mentioned Michael Shumacher!!! [well not a fan of his but still!!! Yay!!! go Formula One!]

Glad to see that Xander, Anya , Tara and Willow have an alliance! It's always easier to move ahead with some help. Different people see things differently. Ex. Willow with abbr. and Anya with looking for a dif. route! W/T are too cute for words.....I know there was something else I wanted to mention about last episode and extra....but it's 3:22am in the morning and ....I can't remember :cry

I'll edit later if I can remember...

Great job!
Thank you!

M.

P.S. Just wanted to add that I really enjoy your work in general. Not sure if I left fb in other stories, but it's ALWAYS a pleasure to read

thank you for sharing!

by **tarawhipped** » Sun May 01, 2005 1:07 pm

Watson, I love the way you write this, it's so vivid, I feel like I'm really WATCHING it, and not just staring at my monitor, too tense to blink. The scene with W/T at the animal preserve was absolutely lovely, as well as being a great "ok, you can breathe now" moment amidst all the frantic racing. Like Phil, I found myself getting all choked up and sighing and saying "awwww" and just generally being a big sap. I am SO glad that the girls did not have to do the icky eating challenge...I've never been able to stomach those back when I did watch Survivor. Your description of Snyder's predicament was suitably gross, and I am very pleased to see the Principals gone (AABot next? Pretty please???).

I like that you included the bit about Anya ready to break their alliance and leave W/T to take the other flight. It's nice that it all worked out, but as the number of teams dwindle, I'm sure that issue will come up again. Love the foreshadowing!

-Cam

The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe Willow & Tara Forever

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Team/Leg	1	2	3	4	5	6	7
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Ben/Glory	3	11(14)	E	E	E	E	E
Lorne/Cordy	8	3(11)	10(21)	E	E	E	E
Joyce/Sheila	10	6(16)	2(18)	6(24)	9(33)	E	E
Snyder/Flutie	9	5(14)	8(22)	7(29)	8(37)	8(45)	E
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Buffy/Riley	6	10(16)	5(21)	4(25)	2(27)	3(30)	→
Rupert/Randy	1	8(9)	7(16)	5(21)	6(27)	2(29)	→
Willow/Tara	5	4(9)	3(12)	9(21)	4(25)	1(26)	→
Adam/Oz	7	2(9)	6(15)	2(17)	3(20)	5(25)	→
Faith/Robin	4	7(11)	1(12)	3(15)	1(16)	4(20)	→
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