Hey everybody it's my second post on this board and already I'm inflicting you with one of my fics. Um I posted this on a willtara list already so I appologise to any who have to live through it a second time. Of all the fics I've done, and that's only six, this is my fav. So here we go.
Disclaimer: I really wish I owned em, but I don’t. Also I am very poor so if ya wanna sue you’re not gonna get much.
Spoilers: This is set right after Tough Love so anything before is fair game.
Rating: Uh I would say about a PG 13 for some little bad words, but I am terrible at this ratings thing so...
Feedback: Please, please please please. OK nuff begging. I am still relatively new to this so any feedback is welcome.
Summary: This is a Willow/Buffy/Dawn post Tough Love angst piece, from Buffy’s POV. Sort of what my warped mind thought could have happened after Buffy came to rescue Willow from Glory, Hell Goddess of crazy hair.
All Is Well
By LB
Two o’clock and all’s well. If I wasn’t so damn tired and stressed I would probably laugh at myself. Us Slayers and our witty repartee, humph. Well, whatever... It’s 2 AM and I am pacing back and forth between my bedroom door and Dawn’s, watching. I used to laugh when Mom told me that she used to do the same thing. The paranoid mother checking to make sure her children were safe and sound in their beds. But now I understand. In these two rooms are two of the most important people in my life, and I refuse to let anything else happen to them ever again.
Dawn’s got one of Mom’s oversized sweaters on over the tank top she usually sleeps in, and she’s holding the sleeve up to her nose as she sleeps. I know she didn’t want me to know about it at first, because she thought I wouldn’t understand. But I do, it makes her feel closer to Mom, and I’m glad that it helps. She deserves as much comfort as she can find. I know it doesn’t help all that much though, because even in her sleep I can still see the pain on her face. The pain that’s been there since Mom died, and the pain that was added to today when another member of our family was attacked. Damn Glory! No one will ever touch Dawn as long as I live. She’s mine, and what little is mine is sacred. So who ever tries to mess with it is going to get their sorry ass kicked, God or no God.
I stand here watching her sleep, got to make sure she’s all right. No monsters under the bed or Hell Gods in the closet. There aren’t and she is, so I move across the hall to my room. And there on my bed, curled into a little ball, is Willow. God she looks so fragile and broken it makes my heart ache. My Willow, my best friend, she’s probably the first real friend I’ve ever had. And I realize, watching her now, that she’s just as much a sister to me as Dawn. She’s something else that’s mine, and something else that I am not going to allow anyone to touch.
Not that I’ll ever tell her that, or that she’ll ever need my protection. I saw what she did today. I know how strong she really is, and I know that when it comes down to it Willow can take care of herself. That doesn’t keep me from wanting to do it for her. Because even after today, even after she knocked Glory around, which is something I can’t even do. Even after all the other times she’s bailed us out, I still see her as that shy fifteen year old high school girl I met when I first came here. She sort of became the embodiment of what I was fighting for. She was my living, breathing, walking, talking innocence. And even though she’s grown and changed my heart will never let me let anything happen to her.
“Fish tacos make me crazy,” she mumbles, and I have to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
Some things change, and some stay the same. I remember this from rooming with her last year. Willow’s babbles are, in and of themselves, kind of endearing. Willow’s night babbles are just amusing. And while I would never advocate commenting on at any person’s night time activities, considering my own, some of the things that girl says while she’s sleeping have left me in stitches. I imagine it’s because she has so much swimming around in her head that sometimes something is bound to slip out. And I bet Tara has a ball trying to decipher all of Willow’s nightly messages.
Tara.
Damn it! I can feel my stomach tightening just thinking about her. I barely saw her at the hospital. Just long enough to see that blank look on her face before they rolled her away. But I wouldn’t have had to see her to know it was bad. We’ve been seeing Glory’s handiwork for a while now, and it’s killing me to know that she did it to one of us. That Tara is one of us is no longer a concern. She’s passed the status of just Willow’s girlfriend and moved on to full flegged Scooby member and part of the family. And she’s become another name on the list of people that I have to kick Glory’s ass for.
Willow’s at the top of that list too. Glory didn’t just take Tara from her tonight. She took Willow’s innocence, her pure heart that has survived so much before this. Something that psycho vampire ex boyfriends, mayors that turn into giant snakes, crazy Slayers and even cheating boyfriends couldn’t do. I knew it at the Hospital tonight, and I know it now. Willow gave up that last part of herself, her pure heart, when she went after Glory for revenge.
I remember reading this book when I was about thirteen. In it one of the guys said you knew you really loved some one not when you would die for them, but rather when you would kill for them. Because your death meant only the loss of your physical life. But some one else’s death by your hands meant a loss of a part of your soul. And that was a sacrifice beyond the worth of your life. I don’t think Willow would have ever been able to do that before today. She told me once about the spell she almost did on Oz when she found him with that girl. Hurt and broken hearted, she still couldn’t find it in herself to harm another being in anger. Tonight was different. Sure Glory’s a bad person, and sure her death would mean the world was a whole lot safer. But Willow didn’t go after her with good intentions. She went after Glory for revenge, to exact a price for what she had lost. And that both frightens and impresses me.
It’s not so much the way Willow did it that frightens me, although Giles did have a few choice words for her when we got back, but rather the fact that she did it at all. I’m sad for what she’s lost. She’s seen what kind of darkness she is capable of if she is pushed to far, and she can never go back to the way she was before. That makes her more like me than I would ever want her to be. And it makes me hate Glory all the more. But it also shows how much Tara really means to her, how deep their love really is. To bad it took this to find out.
She rolls over slightly and I can just barely make out the cut on her lip from the fight. I can feel my blood boiling in anger right now. Anger at myself for being blind enough to not see where Willow was going, anger at Willow for being foolish enough to go there, but mostly anger at Glory for putting her hands on my best friend. I was so caught up in my own problems and fears that I couldn’t see that she was heading for trouble. The whole time I was trying to get there I just kept hoping and praying that Willow would be OK, that I could get to her on time. I have to admit, I was shocked when I got there. Willow had held her own for a while, and done some damage to Glory as well. But I could see at what cost as well.
We didn’t talk about it on the way home. The cuts and bruises, and the fact that I was practically carrying her were not mentioned. Honestly I think that was for the best. I could have argued, yelled and scolded, but what Dawn and Spike had said earlier had made sense. If I was in Willow’s shoes I’d have done the same. And whether it was the exhaustion from the fight or the fact that she had burned off her anger, she offered little resistance to my suggestions. A quick stop to pick up Dawn at Spike’s then we made our way home. Giles mini rant aside I got Willow quickly settled into my room where she could rest and I could keep an eye on her.
Now as I take one last look and prepare to journey across the hall again Willow shifts once more. This time her face contorts into a mask of fear. I can see the beads of sweat building on her forehead and she's whimpering slightly. “Get the damn dragon out of my way!” she mumbles.
I don't know what to make of that. It still sounds like nonsense, but she looks like she's having a nightmare. I'm hesitant to wake her if its nothing big, because she really needs the rest. But I also don't want her to have to go through some awful dream. “Nononono, move! I have to get to her,” she cries as she shifts again.
I can hear the fear in her voice now and I move to wake her. Before I can get to her she shoots straight up in bed and screams, “TARA!”
I’m on her in a flash. I can see she’s awake but disoriented so I call out, “Easy Will, it’s just me.”
Resting my hand on her shoulder I can feel her trembling. Her eyes are as big a saucers and she’s crying. “Buffy?”
I rub her shoulder gently. I hope it helps. I really can’t stand the look that’s on her face right now, it makes me want to kill Glory even more. “Yeah Will, it’s me,” I gently explain.
She’s looking at me now with tears streaming down her face and questions in her eyes. I know that look too. Unfortunately, I’ve seen it on her face before, so many times since I've met her and dragged her into this life. It’s the look that says why. Why did this happen? Why does life hate me this much? And why can’t you make it better? I have no answers for her, although I know in my heart she would never ask. All I can do is pull her into my arms and hold on.
So I do, and I can feel her let go. The silent tears turn into sobs and her body shakes with each breath. It’s tearing me up to see her in this much pain knowing that there’s nothing I can do about it. I am the God Damned Slayer, shouldn’t I be able to fix this? Shouldn’t I be able to protect my friends? Keep them from getting hurt, and punish those who try to hurt them? Doesn’t the fact that I have saved this crapy world count for anything? At least my personal life should be happy, secure and safe when my ‘chosen’ profession demands that I put my life on the line, right?
Ahhh! I want to scream. Holding Willow like this, trying to help her through this, makes me regret ever meeting her. Not because I don’t treasure our time together, or all the wonderful things she’s done for me, but because knowing me has put her in danger. I’m not foolish enough to forget the images of what life would have been like if I hadn’t shown up here. It’s just at times like this I can’t help but wonder how much better her life could have been with out me and all my craziness. The injuries, trips to the hospital, kidnappings and now this. All through no fault of her own, Willow’s life and heart have been on the line because of me. Lets not forget the fact that she gave up some really fantastic opportunities to stay her with me. Just look where it’s gotten her.
I could go on forever, but she’s stopped crying and she’s looking at me again. “I’m sorry,” she tells me.
I can see that she’s trying to be brave, and I smile just a little at her in hopes that it will make her feel better. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her. “Everybody is allowed to fall apart. Even big strong Wicca chicks like you.”
She smiles slightly at the comment, and I can see her trying to reign in her emotions. She really is brave and strong, and despite the little crying outburst I know she can handle this. “You want to tell me about it,” I ask her gently.
She looks away for a moment to gather her courage. When she turns I can see the sadness creep back into to her eyes, but she plows on. “It was pretty bad,” she begins.
“Yeah, I kinda got that,” I interrupt her, trying for a little levity.
Didn’t go over to well. She’s still got that kicked puppy look on her face. I give her a sheepish shrug and wait for her to continue. It takes her a minute, and I can see her mentally preparing to reopen the still fresh wound. “We uh... We had a fight,” she begins.
I can see how hard this is for her so I nod in support. “It was pretty bad,” she continues. “I really don’t know how it started, but um we both said some pretty hurtful things. I really don’t know why I got so mad though, I know she loves me. I really do. I just couldn’t control it. And I got so upset I left. I-I-I left angry. I didn’t even finish it. And now she’s.... I.... That’s the last conversation between us.”
Damn this is worse than I thought. I had an idea of what went down from what Giles told me earlier. He let me know that Willow had been at the shop before the attack, and she had been upset about a fight between her and Tara. But I had no idea it was this bad. I can see her crying again, so I reach up to wipe a tear from her cheek.
She leans into the touch for a moment, and then continues. “God, as soon as Giles found Glory’s little toady and he told us that they thought Tara was the Key, my heart stopped beating. The whole way there I just kept thinking, please don’t let anything bad happen to her, I love her so much. And I don’t want that fight to be the last thing she remembers from me. So I ran, I ran so fast to get to her. And I saw them, Tara and Glory. I saw her hurt Tara, but I couldn’t get to her. I wasn’t fast enough. There was this stupid paper dragon i-in my way, a-and I couldn’t remember the protection spell... I... I couldn’t save her. I should have but I couldn’t”
She’s sobbing again so I take her in my arms once again. Well that was a good move Slayer, just make her go through the awful experience again. See if you can’t get her to start crying once again. Shit! I really don’t know what to do. I wish I did, but I don’t. I don’t know how to make this better. I don’t know how to make Glory pay. And I don’t know how to make Willow stop hurting. So I’ll just sit here like the fool I am and hold on to her while she cries.
“I’m sorry Willow,” a sad voice says from the doorway.
Both Willow and I stiffen in surprise. I look up and see Dawn standing there, a look of sorrow on her face as well. This night is just going so wonderfully. “Dawn,” I start to say.
Before I can get another word out of my mouth she flings herself across the room and into Willow’s arms. “I’m sorry Willow,” she sobs. “I’m so sorry Glory hurt Tara. It’s all my fault.”
I can feel my heart breaking a little more as I watch her. But before I can open my mouth to tell her that she’s wrong Willow beats me to it. “No Dawnie,” she says through her own tears.
She reaches out to turn Dawn’s face up to her’s, just to make sure Dawn is looking at her. “Don’t ever say that! None of this is your fault. And you’ll never hear me, or anyone else for that matter, say that. OK? So don’t you say it either”
God I love Willow. She’s perfect. She said the right thing, and I know she means it. Even through her own heart ache she’s looking out for other people. It only takes Dawn a second to see that Willow means what she says, then she throws her arms around Willow for another hug. And I am so touched I lean over and wrap my arms around both of them for a mini group hug. I look over Dawn’ shoulder and meat Willow’s eyes. I am giving her a look that says thank you, and she shoots me a little half smile that says don’t mention it.
It only takes Dawn about a minute and a half to get squirmy, so we all settle into the bed. Me in the middle, with Dawn tucked under my left arm and Willow resting her head on my right shoulder. I think we’re all emotionally exhausted, because no one says a word. And it only takes a few minutes for the two of them to fall asleep. I wait until I can hear the rhythmic breathing that signals they are both out before I whisper, “I love you guys.”
Turning my head slightly I check to make sure Dawn is OK. Then I turn in the other direction and make sure Will is all right too. Finally I make a quick scan of the room. Nothing out of place here. My eyes finally stop on my digital clock, the bright red numbers reading three oh oh. Settling down for the night my final though is, three o’clock and all is well.