Author: FroggyFrog and Miller
WebSite: www.FroggyFrog.com
Synopis: 12th ficcy about the escapades of a couple of Naughty Witches.
Inspiration: trish
Distribution: It's free!!
Feedback: Starvefront.
Warning: Elements of this work of fiction may be untrue, but I promise
they really did happen exactly as written!
Disclaimer: It's not my fault!
--
"Ok.. let's go over this once more." The prosecutor adjusted his spectacles and sighed. "If you would, Ms Rosenberg."
"Um, that's Ms Rosenburg.. with a u." Willow corrected.
"I'm sorry." the prosecutor said. "Erm.. once more ? From the top."
Willow frowned. Remembering all these details was rather hard. She looked into the onlookers and found Tara.
Willow waved at Tara. Tara waved back. Willow giggled. Tara giggled. Willow blew a kiss at her. Tara licked her lips. Willow bit her lower lip. Tara stuck out her tongue. Willow giggled again and undid the top button of her blouse. Tara did the same. Willow undid the next button, and half-closed her eyes. Drool began to form in the corner of Tara's
mouth.
"Ahem", the prosecutor said, clearing his throat and scratching his olfactory receptor. "If you don't mind, Ms Rosenburg! The court is waiting."
Willow looked at the man before her. "Eh? What's that ?" she said. "Court? Oh yes."
"Please. Recount your version of the events of July the 6th. Please." said the prosecutor.
"Um.. okay." said Willow, glumly. She looked at the tall thin prosecutor. She thought he was very mean and grumpy. "Let me see. Yes.. um. 6th you say? Well. Um.. Oh yes.. I remember! It was our friend Loulou's birthday! Ooo yes.. Tara and I were having a party in our room with her.. she's so cute. And we'd just finished the soy ice-cream - we had to have soy cos Loulou is lactose intolerant - and Tara was wiping Loulou down, getting the chocolate sauce out of all the creasy bits, when my best friend Huffy rang."
"I'm sorry?" interrupted the prosecutor. "Did you say Huffy?"
"Not Huffy!" Willow said, somewhat annoyed at being interrupted. "Her, over there.. Duffy Slumbers!" Willow pointed at Buffy, who sat behind the defense council's bench looking very forlorn and worried.
"Let the court record the fact that the witness actually indicated the accused, Ms Buffy Summers." said the prosecutor.
"Yes.. that's right." Willow said. "Huffy is my very bestest and closest friend in the whole world. That is, except for my sweety of course." She gazed lovingly at Tara. "Oh, and Miss Kitty. Our cat. And there's this nice girl three doors down from us who makes great linguini. She's very nice and has really dexterous fingers. And I quite like Judge Sorsey here.." Willow fluttered her eyelids rapidly at the judge.
"Miss Rosenburg!" the prosecutor interjected. His name was Edward. But we never discover that so we'll have to keep calling him prosecutor. Or the prosecutor. Or the tall thin man. Luckily there isn't another tall thin man in the courtroom so this won't get confusing. Well, actually there is a tall thin man at the back of the room, but he is quite far away and sitting down and so is comparatively short, because of the distance, and somewhat squat, because of the sitting. His name is also Edward. Which could make things rather confusing if he ever does come into the story in any non-cameo type role.
Quite suddenly, a tall thin man, sitting at the back of the court room, stood up and left the room.
There. Better.
"Please continue." said the prosecutor.
"Um Okay." said Willow. "Let me see. Erm.." Willow frowned and looked rather upset. These were complicated questions. "Well, Huffy rang. And said there was like a big monster attacking with huge legs. That is, it wasn't attacking with legs, you know like, using big leggies as clubs and hitting things.. but it had huge legs.. erm.. where legs usually go.. and ..erm."
Willow was perspiring slightly. She wiped her brow with a trembling hand. Judge Sorsey removed her perspiration soaked hand from Willow's grasp and scowled at Willow.
"If you don't mind, Ms Rosenburg!" the judge said.
Willow looked at the robed woman sitting near her, and winked suggestively.
"I don't mind. Do you?" she said, coyly.
"Ms Rosenburg!" said the Judge, her face quickly turning bright red. "Please answer the Prosecutor's questions immediately and directly, and refrain from any further distractions or I shall hold you in contempt of court!". The woman sharply stared sternly straight at Willow.
Willow's lower lip trembled. She didn't like being shouted at. She glanced at Tara. Tara looked at her, and tried to smile reassuringly. Willow smiled weakly in return.
"Um.. well.. um.. after Buffy rang, Tara and I met the Scooby gang in the Magic shop.." Willow began.
--
Tara hummed tunelessly and searched the plate for another suitable chocolate. She wanted a chocolate that just had more chocolate inside it. She'd accidentally eaten one that had some sort of fruit or vegetable inside it - she couldn't be sure what it was exactly because she wasn't familiar with fruits or vegetables - and she wanted another chocolate-filled chocolate to get rid of the yucky fruit-or-vegetable-like non-chocolatey taste in her mouth. She frowned. No such chocolate was on the plate. Then, suddenly, she slowly had an idea. She turned towards Willow, who conveniently sat right next to her, happily munching a chocolate. Tara grabbed Willow's head, pulled Willow's face close to her own, and sucked hard on Willow's grinning mouth.
"Hmmm... chocolatey." Tara said, licking her chocolate covered lips. "Much better."
Willow stared at Tara dreamily. "Yummy!" she said. "There's still more left, Tara" Willow demonstrated this by sticking her chocolate-stained tongue out and waggling it about.
"Ooo!" Tara said, and leaned towards Willow, ready to devour the wriggly tongue.
"Um.. girls ?" Giles said. "Could you concentrate on the issue at hand?"
"Oh, okay Giles." Willow said, sadly.
Tara pouted and turned away from Willow and frowned at the others sitting around the table in the magic shop. Buffy, Xander, Dawn and Anya frowned back frownily.
Tara looked upset and stuck her lower lip out so far you could plant corn on it. A great deal of corn.
Willow created a complex shape with her hands in a typically mystical fashion that can't be described because it's too complicated and would need really big words and a working knowledge of nine-dimensional geometry and quantum physics to even begin to describe the image of Willow sticking her thumb in the air. Hmm.. Perhaps it wasn't all that complicated after all. Anyhow, a huge bottle of champagne materialized out of thick air, quickly followed by two champagne glasses. Willow poured Tara a glass and gave it to her, which instantly caused Tara to giggle and smile. She poured herself a glass and pretended to earnestly concentrate on Giles.
"Um.. thank.. um.. " Giles said. "Thank you girls. Now, to the.. um..
problem at hand. There, er.. is a Bhutschot demon loose in Sunnydale."
"A what?" Xander said, his muffled voice coming from between Anya's more
wobbly areas.
"A Bhutschot demon." Giles said. "Buffy?"
"Yeah.. I saw it, you know.. last night, on patrol." Buffy said. She began pacing around the table because that's what the Slayer handbook said she was supposed to do when considering Bhutschot demons. "It was huge, pink, and slimy. And strong. I fought it for twenty minutes and couldn't beat it. So, you know, it was really really tough. 'Cause I'm in shape you know. Good shape. And, anyhow, I was just getting the upper hand in the fight. But then it transformed into a human. Right there, in front of me. A girl. Then it - she - ran off into the woods."
"A girl?" said Anya. "Was she cute?"
"Um.. I don't notice such things, Anya." Buffy said. She turned to Willow and Tara, and with considerable effort put on a patient face and spoke in a pleasant, controlled voice. "Willow? Tara? What do you know about such demons?"
Willow was staring at Tara's face. Tara was staring and Willow's face. They both turned to Buffy, slightly startled at the attention.
"Huh?" Willow said. She gulped her champagne down and filled her glass.
Buffy clenched her jaw, Riley-style. "Have either of you ever come across a Bhutschot demon before? It transforms into a human."
Willow looked confused. Then grinned. "Tara's the expert on Bhutschots. She's had lots of experience with them!"
Tara giggled. "Oh yes." she said. "Yes, I know all about Bhutschots."
Buffy looked slightly suspicious, but Giles seemed very interested.
"Tara? Can you find the Buhtschot demon? Recognize it in human form?" Giles asked.
"Um.. sure!" Tara said, sipping her champagne and looking around the magic shop carefully. "There! She's one!" she said excitedly, pointing at a young woman who was lovingly examining a large cylindrical glass rod.
"Are you sure?" said Buffy, squinting at the woman carefully. "She doesn't really look like the girl I saw.."
"Oh yeah, she's one." Tara said, absentmindedly. She had resumed her gaze into Willow's eyes.
Buffy looked at Giles concerned face, turned quickly and raced towards the woman.
--
"I see." the prosecutor said. "And is that all you remember, Ms Rosenburg?"
Willow scrunched her nose and thought carefully. "Yes. That's all. I think we'd started our second bottle by then, and I was feeling a little naughty. Um.. I think Buffy fought the demon."
"The demon?" the prosecutor said.
"Yep. I'm sure." Willow said. "She punched and kicked it until it fell over unconscious."
"Thank you Ms Rosenburg." the prosecutor said in a smug voice. "And, do you see the er.. demon anywhere in the court room?" He gestured around the room in an expansive fashion.
Willow looked around the court room and saw Tara. Tara smiled at her. Willow smiled back. Tara blew a kiss at Willow. Willow winked and touched the tip of her nose with the tip of her tongue. Tara giggled and nodded eagerly.
The prosecutor coughed. Willow looked at him in surprise. "Do you have a cold?" she said, innocently.
The prosecutor fought for self control, dodging a blow to the head and landing a punch in the ribs.
"Is that the 'demon' over there?" the prosecutor said through clenched teeth. He pointed at a rather pretty but rather bruised young lady sitting rather behind the prosecution bench.
"Um.. yeah, that could be her. Er.. yes, I think it is. " Willow said, squinting at the young lady. "Nasty looking demon, eh? Pretty girly though. But she really should be restrained. Duct tape is good for that, you know. I have some if you want it." Willow began to scramble around in her handbag.
"No thank you Ms Rosenburg." the exasperated prosecutor said. He sighed and turned to the Judge. "No further questions, your honor."
"You may go now, Ms Rosenburg" Judge Sorsey said.
Willow stuck her middle finger in the air and waved it about and purple smelling fragrant colored smoke began to form around her slender form. The Judge and prosecutor and the rest of the courtroom stared at her in astonishment.
"Oops. Sorry. Habit." Willow said. She stopped gesturing, smiled happily, rose from the witness stand and went to sit next to Tara. Tara welcomed her with a big hug and a strawberry daiquiri.
--
Anya fidgeted uncomfortably on her chair. Xander's underwear just didn't give the kind of snug fit she liked. She looked intently at the prosecutor.
"So, you claim to be an expert on these so called demons?" the prosecutor said.
"Um, well, yes I actually." Anya said. "Of course, I'm not actually a demon myself. Not that it would be a bad thing if I was, because many demons are quite respectable. But Xander told me very carefully that I was never to admit that I used to be a vengeance demon."
"Excuse me?" said the prosecutor. "You used to be a what?"
"Um nothing." Anya said. "But I'm not really an expert on Bhutschot demons. But Tara is, though. She knows everything about Bhutschots. She says it's the season for Bhutschots. Late march. Demons are seasonal, you see. For example, the Seater demon is likely to show up soon. A Seater loves to come around april. That's an interesting demon. And there's a Grammer demon season due in May, but Grammer demons are really nice and sweet, and incredibly shy."
"I see." the prosecutor said. He didn't. But it didn't matter. "And what happened after my client - the rather pretty but rather bruised young lady over there - what happened after she entered your place of employment on the 6th of July?"
Anya thought carefully for a few moments, trying to think of an appropriate way to answer the question without directly incriminating Buffy.
"Buffy beat her up." Anya said, happily.
"Ouch!" said a voice that nobody could associate with any in particular until they turned to face the prosecution bench and noticed that the plaintiff - the aforementioned rather pretty but rather bruised young lady - was rubbing her neck and looked rather upset.
The rather pretty but rather bruised young lady turned around to the audience, still rubbing her neck. She scraped something moist and soggy from her neck and looked at it. "It's a grape!" she said. "Someone threw a grape at me!"
Everybody looked around, searching for the grape-thrower. As did Willow and Tara, who sat a few metres behind the plaintiff. A huge bowl of black grapes sat on Willow's lap. Willow and Tara tried to stop giggling and look as innocent as possible.
"Ms Rosenburg!" the Judge yelled, banging her little hammer on the little thing that gets hit by her little hammer. "Did you throw a grape at the rather pretty but rather bruised young lady?"
"What's that?" Willow said, sucking in the grape that Tara held near her mouth. She crunched it happily.
"Ms Rosenburg!" Judge Sorsey shouted. "I find you in contempt of court! Please escort Ms Rosenburg and her companion from the courtroom immediately!"
A burly policeman with big bulging muscles and a big bulging gun walked down the aisle towards Willow and Tara. Unfortunately he was only four feet tall so he had to keep jumping up and down to see the girls over the heads of the other people.
Tara and Willow acted swiftly and decisively. They giggled. Then they started throwing more grapes at the rather pretty but rather bruised young lady. She howled in anger as the grapes struck her again and again. And again. And then missed. And then struck again and again.
The rather pretty but rather bruised young lady stood up and turned around, her face livid with anger, and her eyes dark with hatred. Well, her eyes were dark brown already, so the hatred just made them extra dark.
Willow and Tara decided it was time to hide, and turned and kissed each other as passionately as they could, utilizing the well-known movie-inspired technique of in-public camouflage. But somehow the rather pretty but rather bruised young lady saw through this brilliant ruse and leaped high in the air towards the two witches. Suddenly and without any warning except for the few hints at the start of this sentence, the rather pretty but rather bruised young lady transformed mid-air into a rather huge, rather pink and rather slimy Bhutschot demon.
The demon landed amongst the screaming crowd, pushing people aside until it faced Willow and Tara, who sat eating their grapes and giggling at the demon.
"Prepppaaare to diiiiiieee!!" the demon snarled snarlily. It raised its huge slimy pink arm up, ready to strike. That is, hit them, not withdraw its labor to seek better conditions, rights and remuneration.
Suddenly Buffy appeared between the creature and the two witches. She looked a little disorientated because she'd actually been magically transported there by Willow and Tara, and was consequently in the same sitting down position she had been when at the defense council's bench, but now she had no chair to support her. But she was the Slayer, and her quick reflexes helped her as she stumbled awkwardly to the floor and landed painfully on her backside. Well, they only helped in a really really small way.
The Buhtschot demon didn't expect Buffy's complex attack stratagem and tripped over Buffy's straddled body, fell over, flat on its face, and lay still.
Willow and Tara clapped happily. "YAY! Buffy killed the demon!" said Tara. "Let's have some champagne!"
"Yay! Champagne! Oh, and yes.. well done Buffy!" said Willow, tossing another grape at the prostrate demon. It didn't move.
Buffy struggled to get free. She was covered in pink slime and looked very forlorn.
"Ooo.. honey!" Tara said, excitedly. "Buffy's all dirty!"
"She needs a wash!" Willow said, with equal excitement.
Buffy groaned, but didn't complain. She had resigned herself a long time ago to the Willow and Tara induced consequences of being muddy, slimy or having a tiny bit of ice-cream in the corner of her mouth. She didn't bat an eyelid as she, Willow and Tara disappeared in a pink shaped cloud of circular colored smoke.
"Um.. case dismissed." said Judge Sorsey. "Anyone for vodka?"
... fin...