Entropy Parody--Kitten Style

[tommo]

Yes. But what kind?

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"It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of twinge. It's okay."

[Rally]

Apparently they both like fags...



...oh wait I am thinking of Andrew.

------------


"It's a thing."

Edited by: Rally at: 5/2/02 3:56:36 pm

[Princess Willow]

Ok...I've never been in chat before because I have no idea when it is or how to join but from the other posts I've read, I can totally see this happening.



Can I just tell you how hard I laughed at this:



"Look, if I wore leather... someone would mistake me as a sofa and sit down..."



I was drinking water and it almost came out of my nose!



Shannon...I can't wait for the next installment.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.

[Banshee]

Int—Kitten Chat—Night



On Xita, still giving Autumn the single fingered salute. Satisfied. Then:



Autumn: I know this is coming out all wrong.



We see Autumn, refilling her martini glass with her Ikea drink mixer. Xita puts her hand down. Still bitter. Disbelieving.



Xita: I---I wish you were stuck in some horrible ‘Queer as Folk’ domesticated lesbian board!



Autumn winces at the thought.



Xita: Or a ‘Seventh Heaven’ board!



Autumn: Xita, I know I totally deserve that.



Xita scowls at the computer, her bitterness slowly fighting off drunken girlish giggles.



Xita: I wish you were stuck in some Southern oppressive state—TEXAS, perhaps! I wish you were stuck trolling on the C&S board until you became a regular poster! I wish you were you were trapped in one of Herc’s talkbacks, praising the merits of Xander this season!



Autumn: (pained) I am.



Xita: (brightening) Really, whore? Right now?



Xita’s suddenly unsure of what she’s done, never wishing such a fate on her worse enemy.



Xita: Does it suck?



Autumn: God, yes. It sucks so bad, but I think it’s the martini talking or the fact that I’m forced to sing all of his parts when we reenact the musical episode. Xita, I love the kittens and I want to make it work.



Xita: (finding Autumns post on AICN): That’s not even your real nickname—you used mine! People are going to think that I actually like the little buttmonkey!



Autumn: I know, you’re name is so much more unique than mine. Eventually, they’ll realize that it’s not you, it’s me. I’m the one that---



Xita: (clearly pissed off) FUCK!!



She closes out kitten chat.



Autumn IM’s her.



Autumn: Xita, wait. Please… Xita?



Xita has logged off messenger—she is nowhere to be found.

Xita and Tim are on Yahoo Messenger---trading off Imvironments and smutty jokes.



Tim: So, I downloaded the latest versions of Windows Media, Winamp, Real Audio and Quicktime so I could play the W/T kissing scenes in different formats to see what would have the best quality…



Xita zones out, the cigarette next to her sits untouched in the ashtray next to her.



Tim: I mean, I hate to talk about my own computer genius, but..



Xita stares at the two dimensional font, not replying—Tim notices.



Tim: So my monitor is covered in little windows, like patches on a quilt. Made of media windows.



Xita snaps to.



Xita: Huh?



Tim: Ok, do they not teach you listening skills in LA?



Xita: I’m sorry. I know. I’m just distracted.



Tim: What, this thing with Autumn? Don’t worry, you’ll find a way…



Xita: No, that’s just it. I tried every booting command I knew, nothing worked.



Tim: Wait. You tried to ban her from the kitten board and chat by yourself?



Xita: Well, yeah.. I’m the bitter dyke here, of course I---



Tim: You can’t ban someone once you give them minion duties, Xita. How long have you been away from the moderators thread?



Xita: well, a registered kitten in, like, two and a half years, hasn’t pissed me off. I never had to ban a registered person myself. Isn’t there someway around this?



Tim: Well, you could try getting one of the kittens to help ban her. I suppose.



Xita considers this idea. A similar-word-to-‘mirthless’ smug tugs at her lips. That will have to do.





Ext—Rally’s house—Mid afternoon



Inside, we see Rally typing away at her computer.



Int---Kitten Board—Spoiler Thread—Mid afternoon



Julia posts in the daily thread and is suddenly IM’d by Rally. She has three different JPEG files waiting to send to her.



Julia: Wow, god, are you trying to start your own banner there? International House of WillTara smoochies or something?



Rally: Got up early, figured it was an Avatar kind of morning, what text do you want on yours?



Julia: (suspicious) Fonts come in different shapes other than Times New Roman?



Rally: You know, I was thinking, after the board discussion yesterday, maybe just creating some of these and posting them would be kind of cool. So, what do you think? ‘Big Pineapple’ scene or ‘Park’ scene in Once More with Feeling?



Julia: Ummm..



Rally: Or did you want something more with a Flaming-O spell? ‘Cause I was thinking if we interplayed some single shots of Aly and Amber..



Julia: Hey, I’m going to be ok with the baseball thing. Really.



Rally: This isn’t shame. I want us to spend time.



Julia: Ok, spending time is good..



Rally: But, I don’t want to be cramping your smutty style.



Julia: No---



Rally. I am. I’m the embarrassing creative fan that works too hard. When did this happen?



Julia: No, you’re not, it’s not like that, it’s see, instead of you IM’ing me, maybe.. maybe I could try talking some time.



Rally doesn’t get it. Julia cracks her knuckles and types again:



Julia: Maybe I could use voice tonight.



Rally is silent for a moment. Then:



Rally: Right.. and then right after that you can flash all of chat with a new webcam.



Julia: You guys were talking in chat long before I registered for the board.



Rally: Yes, well, technically because of the board move, you only registered four months ago. See, I thought that made sense, but now I see it doesn’t.



Julia: Ok.. I just thought it would be nice to give my hands a break



She snickers to herself at the sexual reference.



Rally: I’m sure you could. But, it’s more unstable than we ever thought it would be.



Julia: But—



Rally: Julia, I’m trying so hard to keep you from stuff like that. I don’t want you to be around bad connections and jumbled words.



Julia: Which would be completely reasonable if Yahoo didn’t suck ass so much. But, I have to hear Brian’s devil voice and Xita’s weird jumbled sentences. I always manage to hear it.



Rally: Yes, but you don’t have to be part of it. Now, pick a font—I want to be able to post this before dinner.

Believe me I don't want to go

And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so

But we both know....

[Dumbsaint]

Heeheehee.



I was crackin' up when you said "Julia snickers to herself at the sexual innuendo." I so do. Constantly. Hence the over-use of "Heh," in my posts and in chat.



And the voice chat thing. I actually did lose my voice chat virginity a week or two ago. Turns out mah woman has a microphone. Rumor has it she might even be giving it to me so that I can snicker in chat along with everyone else, in living color.



Very funny, Shan.

"I would have squealed, were I a pink baby pig." ~Little Willow


Soooueeeeeeee!

[LeatherQueen]

Quote:

---

Xita: I wish you were stuck in some Southern oppressive state—TEXAS, perhaps!

---

Yes.. this is an awful, awful curse. Believe it from someone who lives there.



This was great! Loving this...

--------------------------------


"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." - Glory


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[AutumnT]

Dear God I just want xita to love me again. I'm afraid she'll end up flashing someone else.

Autumn

-----------

Buffy: I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than after a shift at the Doublemeat.

Willow: Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day. --- "Normal Again" shooting script

[tommo]

Autumn, she already flashes everyone else...

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"It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of twinge. It's okay."

[Rally]

Wait now you are saying that Xita and flashing your tit's on a web cam are some how connected?

------------


"It's a thing."

[witchbitchwillow]

heya,



this was soooo funny im loving it!! write more soon.



love ellie x x x x

*thats me as a vampire im so evil and skanky and i think im kinda gay*

*no candles? well i brought one its extra flamey!*

[Banshee]

Int—Yahoo Pool—Night



Shannon and April are engaged in one of the oldest lesbian pastimes –pool. Shannon is, of course, winning.



April: Ok, wait.. so they came into chat?



Shannon: Yeah, it was this Spuffer, hiding behind a Willow/Tara name.



April: God, what did they say?



Shannon: Well, let’s just put it this way.. If I didn’t hate that ‘ship before..



April: And this was after Xita flashed her tits to the entire room?



Shannon: Yup.



April: Ok, I go to bed at a reasonable hour for a few nights and this is what I miss?



Shannon: Oh and I forgot to tell you about the musical parody.



April: Ok, now I know you’re just trying to make me jealous.



Shannon: So, what, no fun filled adventures at the Bronze Beta?



April: It’s not the same. It’s not like listening to some really rowdy dykes get drunk and intellectually dissect every minuet aspect of the show or someone who…



Shannon: Is intellectually your equal?



Xita: Hey, whores.



Shannon and April stop as Xita comes into the room. Shannon sends Xita a hug.



Shannon: Wow, this is mad early for you.



April: Should we be worried?



Xita: Sorry. I just needed to.. I couldn’t stay moderating the board. Not after that..



April: No, no.. we totally understand.



Shannon: But, you’ve been moderating today. Right?



Xita: Well, it’s complicated. There’s a lot of bad Autumn posts to wade through.



Shannon: If there’s anything we can do, just let us..



Xita: Actually, there is a wee little something I could use your help with. You’re both chat whores, so your knowledge will come in handy.



Shannon moves to type an evil smiley, but stops.



Xita: Let’s talk about Autumn.



Int.—Yahoo Messenger—Day.

Xita is talking to Julia.



Julia: She feels awful.



Xita: Do you think it’s anywhere close to what that whore is making me feel?



Julia: No, but…



Xita: What if it were you, Julia? What if all you dreamed about was giving someone else your endless editing? The day where the one dyke you trusted with all of your passwords got unbelievably drunk and posted that Tara dying was a good plot point and that Spike and Buffy were the best couple since Oz and Willow? What if she emailed you and told you that your wardrobe was as bad as Tara’s?? Bet you’d wish she weren’t allowed in chat anymore, wouldn’t you?



Int---Kitten Chat—Night



Rally and Xita are alone and up past their bedtimes. Again.



Rally: I really don’t think she could feel any worse.



Xita: Let’s test that theory. Let’s ban the whore.



Rally: Xita, Autumn’s my friend. I know what she did was wrong, though really fucking funny and if it had been me I’d---



Xita: ---wish she’d only be attracted to mulleted-hip-hugger-wearing-crystal-worshipping-Goddess-thanking-granola dykes?



Int—Yahoo Pool—Night



Back with Shannon and April.



April: See, it’s not so much about being a chat whore.



Shannon: It’s more about living in a small town in upstate NY where no one understands the goodness of Buffy---pre-season six, of course.



Xita: And dykes really like that kind of stuff, right? Dykes like Autumn.



April: Well, I…



Xita: Don’t you wish her vibrator would explode?



Int—Yahoo Messenger—Day



Julia: I never use that word anymore.



Xita: Self-combustion?



Julia: V-I-b-r-a-t-o-r.



Xita: Oh, vibrator. As in her vibrator smells like…



Julia: Yes. That word. Since I’ve gotten a little top of my own, I have no use for it. And besides, wishing someone’s vibrator would explode is just mean.



Xita: Ok, how about her strap on.



Int.—Kitten Chat—Even later that night.



Rally: I really don’t think I should.



Xita: Did I mention the whole ‘insulted my avatar’ thing? Didn’t leave that out did I?



Rally: No, I know she pissed you off. God, I can’t image.. that must have sucked.



Xita: Ok. (she gets a little smutty) Let’s talk about sucking.





Int.—Yahoo Messenger—Day.



Xita: Ok, so tell me more about wishing that Autumn wasn’t in chat anymore.



Julia: I didn’t say that.



Xita: Yes you did.



Julia: No—I didn’t. And I even used a big, sparkly font to say NO.



Xita: I heard you.



Julia: I’m not even at my girlfriends—I don’t even have a mic.



Xita: Didn’t say what?



Julia: I just saw that you were online and wanted to make up for posting that really bad Cordelia/Willow fic. You know, that whole sticky-panties-wet-mouths-thing?



Xita: Oh! Right, the bad writing! God, there’s really bad alternate universe fiction you can beta read. I’m going to make you suffer for that one!



She laughs, a bit too loudly, then:



Xita: So, back to Autumn’s menstruating for the rest of her life..



Int---Kitten Chat—Day Break



Xita; Fuckingmotherfucker! Kittens have been running rampant over you since the new board and avatar thing. Sending you non-willow, non-lesbian, non-baseball pictures. Aren’t you sick of it… Don’t you wish kittens like that…



Rally: Whoa, what kittens? I’ve only done avatars for like four—three! Only three kittens! That’s barely a litter.



Xita: And didn’t every single one of them annoy the piss out of you? Don’t kittens like that, as to pick an example, AUTUMN, deserve to be banned?





Int---Yahoo Pool—Night



Xita is losing her patience.



Shannon: Well, Autumn is a kitten, so it’s kind of not a surprise that she likes to post—while she’s drunk. Why are we talking about this?



Xita: We’re comforting me.



April: Well, I guess it’s natural for 30-something women to drink and feel creatively inspired—



Xita: God! What kind of dykes are you? Why don’t you go drink some decaffeinated herbal teas!



She quickly exists out of the room.



Int—Kitten Chat—Around breakfast time.



Rally: Xita, I know you’re hurting, but---



Xita: What? Autumn doesn’t deserve to suffer for that horrible posting? Because she watches your music videos? And I don’t? Right. I get it.



Rally: No, that’s not what I’m saying. What she did was really stupid. She knows that.



Xita’s anger breaks through.



Xita: It just—pissed me off so much. She pissed me off so much.



Rally: I know. She really did. I wish she just…



Xita waits.. this is it!



Autumn comes into the room.



Autumn: Xita?



Xita: (her voice seething) Congratulations! They all love your posts! Even after what you posted on the board.



She quickly exits the room.

Believe me I don't want to go

And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so

But we both know....

Edited by: Banshee at: 5/6/02 7:29:46 pm

[tkheaven]

HAAAAAA WOOO HOOO (in tears)

Oh My God!! BWahahahahaa!!

-----------------------------
"Hey Will, this is me. It doesn't all have to be good and fine. This is the room where you don't have to be brave. I still love you. If you're worried, you can be worried."

- Tara to Willow ~~ Episode 603: "Afterlife"

[AutumnT]

Quote:

---

Xita: ---wish she’d only be attracted to mulleted-hip-hugger-wearing-crystal-worshipping-Goddess-thanking-granola dykes?

---

Just catching up. Boy you are brutal to me in this section. I mean I've only posted drunk like I dunno 30 times. Sheesh. But that. That quote was the worst.

Autumn

-----------

Buffy: I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than after a shift at the Doublemeat.

Willow: Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day. --- "Normal Again" shooting script

[LeatherQueen]

Thanks for that. Definitely needed a laugh.

--------------------------------


"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." - Glory


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[tommo]

Autumn...



You don't look like that. You don't even like granola. In fact, I can't remember you ever wearing clothes at all...

----------
"It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of a twinge. It's okay."

[AutumnT]

Well I know I don't look like that. I was being cursed with liking mullets. That was my objection.



And hey. When have you seen me naked missy?

Autumn

-----------

Buffy: I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than after a shift at the Doublemeat.

Willow: Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day. --- "Normal Again" shooting script

[tommo]

Oh wouldn't you like to know. The Trio of Nerds aren't the only ones with hidden cameras, y'know...

----------
"It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of a twinge. It's okay."

[Rane018]

this is hilarious. not just the parody but the replies. hugs, shan!

*We gotta get you a nice companion rat that you can love and play with and grow attached to 'til it leaves you for no good reason. Wont that be fun?* Willow in Smashed

[xita]

New to the archive!

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"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson