Hiya everyone,
Before I get on to the posting, and the ritual running away, just wanted to say this is my first Tara/Willow fic, and my first NC17, so please be kind. However, please be constructive. "That sux" I cannot cope with (not that any of the Kittens talk like that...). "That sux cos you're, like, totally missing the point" is better.
And I do appreciate the title is a) cliched and b) pretentious. But I'm no good at things like that
So, here we go.
Edit- I realised that not only was my title pretentious, it was identical to a much better fic halfway down the page. Oopsie. So now it hasn't got a title for the moment.
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Title: Um, any ideas people?
Author: Alliette
Feedback: Would it help if I offered to bear your children? Yes, please.
Spoilers: Ummm... hat to break this to you, but Willow's gay now. Oh yeah, you knew that Spoilers for the end of Season Five, I guess.
Rating: NC-17. Naughty Willow and Tara.
Author's note: In this fic, Willow and Tara aren't living together at the end of Season Five. I know, I know, I made a booboo.
Okay, enough of the stalling.
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"Are you sure you'll be okay, Dawnie? I mean, we could hang out if you wanted..."
Dawn looked up from the bed and shook her head. Her eyes were rimmed red and there were dark pockets under her eyes, like she hadn't slept for days.
"No. I'll be fine. I think I need some alone time right now."
Willow walked over to the bed and took Dawn's hand in hers.
"Okay, but we'll be just down the corridor if you need us. You know where Tara's room is, right?"
"Uh-huh. Next to the soda machine."
Willow squeezed the younger girl's hand and smiled.
"Well, there's loads stuff you could do. There's books, and the tv room down the hall..."
"Thanks. But I think I'm going to sit her for a while."
Willow's internal monologue carried on Dawn's words. 'I think I'll sit here and mourn my dead mother, you idiot. What would I want with books, or 'I Love Lucy' reruns?'
Tara placed a hand on Willow's shoulder.
"Come on, sweetie. We won't be long, Dawnie."
As soon as they were out in the hall Willow turned to Tara.
"Watch TV? I can't believe I just suggested that she watch TV. Her mother's just died. God, I'm such an idiot. Why am I such a moron? All I wanted to do was.. well, what I was trying to do is..."
"Help. You were trying to help. She knows that."
"Sure she does, but TV? Why didn't I just suggest she took in a movie, or went to the circus?"
"Honey? Stop beating yourself up over it."
Tara fumbled in her pocket for her room keys. It was her idea to leave Dawn alone for a hour or so. She could see it in her eyes- the constant questions and offers of snacks and sodas were beggining to take their toll. Tara remembered that after her mother died, all she wanted to do was be alone, but there were always people there, poking and prodding at her grief. Hopefully Dawn felt safe enough in Willow's room to let go of some of the emotions she was building up. And at the halls there weren't so many memories of her mother... Tara assumed that was why Dawn had wanted to stay at Willow's that night.
Entering the room, Willow made straight for Tara's bed, hugging the pillows to her chest. Tara crossed her arms and watched her girlfriend begin to cry again. Willow had been crying most of the day, on and off, and Tara had realised that it was something she had to do- a slow letting go of Joyce. Willow had told her after the funeral that Joyce was more of a mother than her own mother. From what she'd heard of Dr Rosenberg, Tara could belive this.
Tara sat on the edge of the bed and started to rub Willow's back. She felt so helpless. Tara knew nothing she could say or do would help Willow right now. Slowly, Willow's sobs behan to subside, and Tara squeezed in next to her, holding her tight.
They were quiet for a long time, peaceful in the near-dark, with Tara stroking Willow's hair and Willow holding Tara's arms tight around her.
Willow broke the silence by muttering something into the pillow. Tara propped herself up on one elbow and reached to turn Willow's face so she could see her.
"What did you say, honey? I didn't hear you."
Sniffling, Willow turned over and snuggled into Tara.
"I said... it isn't fair."
"I know, baby. But that's the way it is."
"I don't like it."
Tara leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Willow's lips.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Willow shook her head.
"Uh-huh. All I've done today is talk. I talked to Xander, I even talked to Anya. Giles talked at me, and Buffy just wanted to talk about the flowers."
Tara took this as a signal not to talk and just nodded.
"I just feel... dead. Like it's me they buried and not her. I can't feel anything."
Tara tilted her head to one side and looked down at her girlfriend.
"I mean, I've been crying, but it's just mechanical. I'm just numb."
Tara cleared her throat.
"What can I do? How can I help you?"
Tears were leaking from Willow's eyes, and snaking down her cheeks. Tara leaned forward and kissed the salt away. Willow ran her hands through Tara's hair and whispered in her ear.
"I need to feel something again. I need to... exist again. Make love to me. Make me feel like I'm real. Please."
Tara's cheeks flushed. Willow was rarely this direct, anda Tara wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, not with Joyce only buried a few hours ago.
Willow's grip tightened in Tara's hair.
"I know what you're thinking- but this is what I want. I want you."
Tara sighed, and pressed her mouth to Willow's cheek. She traced the tip of her tongue across her cheekbone, all the way to her delicate ear, where she whispered to her love.
"If that's what you want..."
Willow nodded, and sighed into Tara's shoulder. Tara was still unsure if this was right, but she guessed Willow needed to feel safe and wanted right now.
Holding the smaller girl in her arms, Tara began to run her hands over Willow's forearms, sliding her fingers along the pale wrist, tracing the lavander veins all the way up her arms until she reached the cotton of Willow's t-shirt.
Lightly smoothing over the crumpled fabric, Tara reached the neckline, tracing the edges where Willow's heartbeat throbbed against her fingers. Taking her face in her hands, they kissed, slowly, gently. Willow's face was still wet with tears and Tara hesitated, before Willow urged her on.
Lifting the hem of the shirt revealed a smooth, pale belly. Tara kissed the curves and tugged at it to indicate she wanted it off. Will complied, eyes tightly shut, fingers snarled in Tara's hair. Tara also removed Willow's vest top and bra. If felt as if Willow was only willing to let go for microseconds at a time, grabbing hold of Tara again as soon as she could.
Tara cupped each of Willow's breasts, kissing and nibbling the buttery-smooth flesh. She felt Willow's nipples pucker under her lips and tongue, hearing Willow whimper and sigh.
Tara was planning on spending along time caressing and loving Willow, so she was startled when Willow brokethe embrace to remove her pants and underwear.
"Umm... am I going too slow?"
Willow reached for her lover's hand and kissed each finger tip.
"No, it's not that. It's just..."
"What? What am I doing wrong?"
Willow could feel Tara tensing, ready for the criticism. Grimacing, she tried to step carefully around the words.
"It's just that people have been... pussyfooting about me all day. Treating me like I'm some sort of... delicate flower."
Tara thought she understood.
"Oh, okay. Well, we can move faster if you want."
Willow groaned.
"Tary, I want to feel passion from you. I don't want to think about anything else but you and me."
Tara's face was still in shadow, so to cement her sentiment, Willow kissed her, hard. Holding herself against Tara's body, she took Tara's hands in hers and ran them over herself. Tara moaned into her mouth, and broke free, breathing a little harder.
Willow let go of her hands, and Tara continued to caress her, with a harder touch than normal, occasionaly stopping to squeeze or bite. Willow groaned, and pushed Tara's head to her breast, where Tara licked and bit until Willow thought she might be on fire.
Willow wriggled up the bed, urging Tara's head furthur down her body. Tara licked her belly, her naval, her inner thighs... Willow spread her legs and waited for Tara's next move.
Tara settled in between Willow's legs, breathing in the scent of her lover. Willow gasped as Tara lowered her head and blew softly on her exposed flesh. Incredibly gently, Tara ran her finger up Willow's leg, from knee to thigh, and then paused before sliding one fingertip into her.
Tara and Willow groaned as the soft, wet flesh enveloped Tara's finger. Usually, there would be a lot more teasing and play, but Willow had already told Tara once to get a move on.
Willow's legs trembled, as Tara lowered her mouth to Willow- sliding her hot tongue against her clit. Willow grunted and forced Tara's head more firmly between her legs.
Sucking and nibbling at Willow's clit was making Tara incredibly dizzy, and she wished that this wasn't just about Willow, this time.
"Oh... Goddess!"
Willow began grinding her hips against Tara's mouth, and Tara could feel that Willow was close, very close. Too close. Already, Willow's internal muscles were spasming around her finger, and Tara knew that this couldn't end now. She wanted Willow to scream her name, to lose control, and she could see that Willow was far from being completely involved, however much she gasped and cried out.
"Whaaa...?"
Wilow was snapped back to reality as Tara removed her mouth and hand. Tara scrambled up from the bottom of the bed and whispered in Willow's ear.
"Get up. I want you on your hands and knees."
Willow complied, and shuddered as Tara's index finger slid back into her. Rocking backwards and forwards, Willow began to moan.
"Oooh... oh, oh, Tara, Goddess, Tara..."
Tara got to her knees and pulled Willow's hips back, so they were resting against her belly. Leaning over her back, Tara reached under, and began to stroke Willow's clit.
"Oh my... oh my... don't stop... mmmm, don't..."
Using her hips for balance, Tara stretched up and captured one of Willow's breasts in her palm. Willow bucked under her touch, and in response Tara slid another finger into her.
So far, Tara's fingers had been inactive inside Willow, and Willow was grinding her hips against them, trying to create a rythm. Now Tara began sliding them in and out, gently at first and then faster and faster.
By now, Willow's words had been reduced to meaningless groans. As Tara thrust her fingers in and out of Willow, she added a third and tipped them upwards, trying to find Willow's secret spot.
Willow was dizzy with desire. She was only thinking about the movement inside her, and the rubbing on her clit. She tried to tell Tara she was close, but it came out all jumbled.
Tara could feel that Willow was close, and she thought the last series of moans had been a warning.
"Oh Tara! Oh! Oh yes, Tara! OH TARA!"
With one massive shout, Willow slammed back onto Tara's hand, and she was there.
For the next few seconds they both stayed as there were, as the last few twitches danced through Willow's body. Then Tara removed her fingers and Willow collapsed on the bed.
Tara sank down beside her, wraping her in a huge hug. she noticed Willow still had her eyes tight shut and she kissed the back of her neck, trying to bring her back to earth a little bit.
Willow grumbled and sighed, eventually opening her eyes and turning to face Tara.
Tara grinned, and Willow frowned at her.
"Hey... no fair... you've still got all your clothes on."
"Not my fault, honey. You didn't give me a chance."
Willow smiled and kissed Tara on the nose.
"Thank you. Thank you for being the best girlfriend in the world."
"Do you feel better?"
"A bit... I mean, I still feel sad, and I will for a long time, but now I know I can cope with it. As long as you're here."
"Forever and ever, sweetheart."
The lay there together for a few more minutes, before Tara looked at Willow and cocked an eyebrow. Willow groaned and tried to bury herself under the covers.
"Come on, Will. Dawnie will have been wondering where we've got to."
"I hope she's okay."
"She will be. In time. Now, get dressed."
Willow got out of Tara's bed and started to dress.
"Meanie."
Sticking her tongue out, Tara got up and started to smooth down the sheets. Willow laughed, and Tara's heart lept. That was the first time Willow had laughed since the phone call from Giles. Tara didn't want Willow to forget Joyce, but she felt better knowing that Willow was healing.
As they walked down the corridor, Willow took Tara's hand and squeezed it. They exchanged sad smiles as they reached Willow's door.
"Shhh... in case she's asleep."
Willow held a finger to her lips and tried to let them in as quietly as possible. Sure enough, Dawn was asleep on the sleeping bag she'd brought. There were wet patches on her cheeks, but she was also sleeping soundly.
"Umm... should I go now?" Tara whispered.
"No, I want you to stay."
"Okay, but, umm... where do I sleep?"
Willow looked at Tara with a puzzled look on her face.
"Where you always do. With me."
"What about...?"
Tara pointed to the Dawnster, and Willow shook her head.
"Uh-huh. We're not pretending we're not together. Dawn's a cool kid, she can handle it."
"If you're sure..."
Willow took Tara's hand again and looked into her eyes.
"I'm sure. Besides, I don't think I can ever let you go now."
Tara smiled, and they kissed quickly, before getting changed and turning out the light. As they snuggled together under the covers, they sank into a deep sleep, both utterly exhausted by today's events.
Dawn opened her eyes. She'd woken up as soon as Willow had come in, but hadn't wanted them to fuss. So, she was a cool kid, according to Willow. Dawn smiled. It was going to be okay.
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