Title:The Outing
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Part Fourteen
Tara sat huddled in her chair as she usually did when she needed to think, and right now she had a lot to think about. She had probably ruined Willow and Buffy's friendship. She didn't want to tell Willow, it just came out. She seemed so insistent on knowing. 'I am a terrible person,' Tara thought. She had heard it her whole life she should have known it by now. She thought if she left home things would change, but nothing really changed. The badness just seemed to follow her around. She was destroying people's lives and she was as scared as ever. She did have Willow. Willow made her special, made her happy. She made Tara believe there was something better for her out there. Something more than tears and heartache. Willow made her feel safe. It had been so long since anyone had made her feel safe, and how did she repay her? By taking away her best friend. 'What is wrong with you? Why are you always messing everything up so badly? Maybe Willow would be better off if I just went home. She doesn't need someone like me. She deserves better. Buffy was right. I can't be trusted.' Tara stood and went to her closet and began packing her things. She would need to hurry. There was no telling when Willow would be back and she needed to leave before that. She couldn't leave if Willow was there watching her. 'I'm so sorry Willow,' Tara thought, 'but I have to do this for you.'
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Willow asked entering the room and slamming the door.
"What?" Buffy asked in complete shock.
"You heard what I said and I want an answer."
"Yeah, I heard you, but what are you talking about?" Buffy asked standing up from her bed.
"Why did you go to Tara's?" Willow asked still in attack posture.
"I told you I didn't trust her, and I was right," Buffy said. "She didn't answer any of my questions."
"She doesn't have to," Willow said.
"Don't you even find it a little strange that she evades questions about her past?"
"No, because she doesn't," Willow said. "She told me about her past. She didn't tell you because she doesn't like to talk about it, and she doesn't know you. She comes from an abusive home, she ran away, and you go over there and threaten her."
"Will, I didn't know," Buffy said apologetically.
"Exactly, Buffy, you didn't know. I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn't listen. Which brings me back to my original question. Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Your best friend," Buffy said.
"My best friend wouldn't do something like that to the woman I love. My best friend would listen to me when I talk to her and trust that I can make my own choices," Willow said a little calmer than when she entered.
"I know, I know, but I feel like I'm losing you," Buffy said.
"Losing me? I don't understand," Willow said. "It's not like I haven't dated someone before."
"This is different," Buffy said. She felt like she was trying to dig herself out of a hole. Why did it make so much more sense in her head.
"Yeah, because Tara's a girl. So you're not okay with me being gay."
"I am. I'm just not okay with Tara being a girl," Buffy said. "This isn't making sense."
"I agree."
"When you were with Oz it was different. He was a guy, he couldn't take my place, but Tara's a girl. You can do all those girly things we do with her. You can gossip and shop, and share clothes. You don't need me," Buffy said. "When you came in today all smiley and happy I realized how serious this was, and I felt like I already lost you. I still need a best friend. I guess I just went kinda crazy."
"I still need you too," Willow said now back to her normal frame of mind. "If I want to know what to wear on a date, or complain about how unreasonable Tara is, which hasn't happened yet, but you never know. I need someone to tell my juicy sex stories to. I can't tell Xander cause he's a guy and he'll get all, well you know. We'll always be best friends. Tara isn't going to replace you. You were my first girlfriend, well not girlfriend, but girl that was a friend. You know what I mean."
"I get it," Buffy said laughing. "I'm really sorry. I'll apologize to Tara."
"Thank-you, but first let me talk to her. She was really upset. I think scared might be a better word."
"I'm so sorry," Buffy said. "Go smooth things over for me, so I can go smooth them over for myself."
"I was plannin on it," Willow said smiling. "First I have to pack some things cause I'm staying the night."
"You animal."
"Just because I'm staying the night doesn't mean that something's going to happen," Willow said debating on which outfit she wanted to wear tomorrow.
"Was it good?" Buffy asked.
"It was amazing," Willow said recalling every sensation.
"That's it? Just amazing?"
"I can't describe it," Willow said. "It was more than I ever dreamt it would be."
"I know the feeling," Buffy said.
"Tomorrow night it will be just us. Me and you doing the best friend thing, but right now I wanna go talk to Tara."
"Tomorrow night. It's a date." Buffy said as Willow practically ran out the door. "Willow wait. I forgot to tell you. Mom is having a barbecue this Saturday at four and she wants you to bring Tara."
"Okay," Willow called without turning around.
Buffy was happy for her, but part of her was envious. Willow had found it so quickly with Tara, and Buffy knew she and Riley didn't have that, and they probably wouldn't. In some ways her heart still belonged to Angel.
Willow raced across campus nearly knocking over a few students in her way. Things had been cleared up and all was well in the world. At least the non-demony things were well. It was rare that everything took a lull at the same time, and yet it seemed to happen. She was okay with all her friends, her and Tara couldn't be better, and for the moment there was no big bad trying to destroy the world. All she could think about was getting back to Tara's dorm, and spending the night wrapped in her arms. It seemed all she thought about these days was Tara, which in Willow's mind, wasn't a bad thing. She kept reliving the night before when they first made love to one another. It was like she could still feel Tara's hands on her skin, and still taste her, and smell her, and everything. She had lived the moment in her head so many times before it happened. Trying to plan how everything would go, where to place her hand, and how to even do it at all. She had very little experience in sexual matters, and none when it came to women. She read every book the library had, and she thought she had it all figured out, but when it actually happened the plan was out the window. Instinct took over and she just knew what to do. There was no thinking involved, just love. There was only ever just love between them. Willow reached the door slightly out of breath, more from her thoughts than the run over. She opened the door and stopped dead in her tracks.
"Willow," Tara said. She stood next to her bed cramming clothes into an open suitcase.
"Wha't going on?" Willow said stepping into the room and shutting the door. "It looks like you're packing. Are you leaving?"
"I...I can't stay," Tara said dropping the shirt she had in her hands, the tears beginning to fall again.
"I don't understand," Willow said moving over next to her. "Don't you love me?"
"Always, but I'm a t-terrible person. You d-don't need s-someone like me messing up your life."
"Messing up my life? Tara, I don't know what you're talking about. You haven't messed up anything. You've only made it better," Willow said taking Tara's hands.
"No, I ruined everything with you and Buffy," Tara said burying her face into Willow's shoulder.
"Buffy and me, we're good. It had nothing to do with you. She was just scared she was losing me. Kinda like I'm feeling now," Willow said. "How you even think about leaving?"
"I have to. You don't...bad things follow me. Everywhere I go there's only sadness. I don't want to bring you sadness. I just want you to be happy," Tara said standing up straight and looking Willow in the eye.
"If that's true then you should know that you are what makes me happiest. I can't picture my life without you in it. You're all I think about, and all I want to think about. I get up in the morning and the first thing in my head is when do I get to see Tara. Every second I'm not with you feels like forever. I see us together always, and if you left, I would die. I wouldn't be me anymore. You fit this space that's always been inside me, and I don't want that space to be empty again. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Tara, will you marry me?" Willow didn't know where it came from, but there it was and she meant it.
"What?" Tara asked in disbelief.
"Will you marry me?"
"We just started dating, we haven't even known each other that long," Tara said looking at Willow with wide eyes. "Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"Oh, I can't believe it. You said yes. I...I'm speechless," Willow said.
Tara wrapped her arms around Willow and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I love you."
"I love you too," Willow said. "Oh and we have a barbecue to go to on Saturday at Buffy's house. Now kiss me again."
"Yes, ma'am."
____________________________________________
'I wonder if it hurts to live- And if they have to try- And whether- could They choose between- It would not be- to die-'
Emily Dickinson
by witchbitchwillow » Wed Jul 03, 2002 11:31 pm 
at: 7/4/02 9:04:43 pm
....thanks for the update mainer 
That Willow -- headstrong as ever. 
jeez that didn't take to long....getting married once agian with the
