On Second Thought: Part 8But first, final responses to les kitties fantasticoes~~
]]LittleCrazy80: Thanks! Oz’s thought process was a tough one to write, so I’m glad it rang true.
]]JD: Girl, you sure do know your way around feedback…Yeah, I miss the Buffy of old, too. I love your observation about how enjoyable she could be if she’d start noticing things that don’t go bump in the night. And Tara—yes, I think I find her the most emotionally and psychologically appealing of any of the characters. I find her to be easily the least self-absorbed, certainly. So…you were conflicted about Oz? I gotta confess: me too. I battled a lot w/ where to go w/ his wolf aspect, and then I realized that the part I found most intriguing was his human aspect in coping with heart-break. I felt like that opened up the door to exploring the whole role of choice, as you so astutely observed. And hey—I always get something out of your feedback, JD! Thank you, thank you, and did I mention—thank you, for your kind words and encouragement. Hey—any more writing coming from you anytime? (JD paused, amazed at Mary’s subtlety.)
]]Insanity: Guess you just gotta stay tuned! I’d certainly appreciate it if you did! Thanks for writing.
]]BV: I’m glad the characters’ mental meanderings ring true for you. I struggled w/ whether to venture back into Oz’s mind again, but I decided I wanted/needed to. Thanks for the feedback and good thoughts.
]]Sleek: What a great image: "wonderful words carefully plucked from [your] mind’s garden." You know, I’ve seen those wonderful words in "Finding You," girl! You pick up quite immediately on the "thread" idea of Oz’s sanity and integrity, or honor. His constant repetition plays on my love of cadence for certain images—I wanted to show his effort, his vigilance, and also his pride, which kept him from leaving town when he should have. And I was really worried about the shifting perspectives, especially since they varied in time. I wanted Willow and Buffy’s exchanges to have the backdrop, for the reader, of knowing just what had happened to lead to those exchanges. I just can’t thank you enough for your encouragement and graciousness. It truly means a lot to me.
]]Karen: It’s been really interesting to me to see how people’s reactions to Oz have shifted as his inner dialogue has emerged in response to how he’s feeling and what’s happening around him (e.g., the phone message). I wanted to play a little bit w/ his dark side, and just see if I felt like anything was there. What do you think about that aspect of him? Hey—if this fic is providing a respite from Real Life Unpleasantness, I’m really glad…But even more, I hope that RLU doesn’t endure too long. Consider yourself the recipient of good thoughts from a tiny town in the USA. Thanks a lot for your kind words.
]]Grimaldi: I’ll be curious to see what you think of Oz after this update…Thanks for writing.
]]Sister Bertrille: (What a great name!) Wow…that was amazing feedback, by virtue of its thoughtfulness and literate style. I totally get the you/Oz disconnect—he’s a pretty neutral character in lots of ways by virtue of his reticence and inscrutability. As I mentioned in the general note, you nailed his essential flaw here: had he really wanted to be the man he said he wanted to be, he would have left town on the first bus/train/moped. And oh, yeah—Tara always had more understated humor to her than we ever got to see fully developed. I ended up feeling as though the main characters—at least B, W, and X—were always clamoring for attention and Tara just had this "less is more" style to her that made her just so damn appealing to me. (I’m guessing the silky hair, lush lips, and most-wondrously-rounded bosom also had somethin’ to do with it…) A lot of people have said they enjoy Buffy in this fic—I think b/c she’s ended up seeming pretty mopey and self-absorbed in the last two seasons. I’m glad you like the love scenes. It’s very…um, exhilarating to write them. And now, SB, a tidbit just for you…Come closer, press your ear up to your monitor…Tara was drinking…Dr. Pepper when Oz interrupted her. All joking aside or least ajar, I really appreciate your comments. They were thoughtful and insightful and gave me a nice glimpse into a very literate, wry soul. Thanks for checking this out and letting me know what you thought.
]]Zahir: Oh, I agree—degeneration is supremely fascinating to me. It does have the snake’s eyes lure that you so astutely noted; I also find that my appreciation of light and honor are heightened when I’m made fully aware of their antonyms. Thanks for your kind words and observations.
]]Sara: I’m really glad that Oz’s inner dialogue offered clarity instead of making things more murky. I don’t usually like to use multiple POV’s within a story, at least more than once, but it just felt really essential to let people see how Oz, the character we’ve been shown, came to do this horrific thing. I was also relieved to hear that the tension-building worked. I think plot is my weak spot, and dramatic tension is hard to write (at least for me) b/c it’s such a delicate balance: not to be melodramatic, but also no understated to the point that the reader is going, "Tell me again why I give a rat’s ass about this." Thanks a lot for writing and sharing your observations with me. They’re really thoughtful and help me have confidence that I’m conveying what I want to convey.
]]Nickole: No sweat on the fic/switch. Heck, after reading the passion in your response, I wanted to have Riley go postal on Walsh, or maybe have Oz’s attention diverted to eating Walsh instead of terrorizing our girl! Glad you like this story, and thanks for letting me know. FYI, I’m really enjoying "The Truth of Deception" myself, and gotta get over there and give feedback to that effect!
]]Hermitstull: You really pick up nicely on the psyche that I’m trying to convey w/ Oz: that he has let himself believe that his actions are justified. Always a tricky first step when negotiating the slippery slope o’ morality…And yeah, Buffy came through! I like writing her as a strong friend. Thanks for your good thoughts!
]]Jenny: Thanks for the encouragement, girl. I hope you like this installment!
And now, without further ado, I present Part 8
Premise: Way the heck back in S4, Willow makes a difficult choice
Disclaimer: Joss and ME own all these folks, but Tara gave me a call and asked me to come over and take them out for a ride. I’ll have them back sometime.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Up to the end of "New Moon Rising"
Distribution: But of course…Please give credit and disclaimer. Thanks.
Feedback: I’d definitely appreciate it.
Summary: Willow initially chose Oz, in no small part b/c she believed he needed her more. It became clear, however, that her love for Tara was only growing. Willow ran into Tara at the Bronze, only to find Tara there with another woman. Willow fled, Tara followed, Big Time Sensuality (to quote Bjork) ensued. Much later, Oz stopped by on an ill-advised whim. He wolfed out, but Tara employed a soothing spell that included, in essence, offering herself to the werewolf while Willow was anchored in a state of safety and calm. After a rather tenuous stand-off, Oz bounded out the door, still in wolf form. The next day, Willow and Tara called a Scooby meeting to talk about the night’s events, a conversation that included Willow coming out to everyone. The meeting ended with the plan that everyone try to locate Oz, using a reasoned mixture of caring and caution. By the next evening, however, Oz was still MIA. Leaving Giles’ house, Willow felt a sudden and inexplicable conviction that he was still in Sunnydale, and that this whole drama was far from over. She and Tara spent the next day making love and just basically wallowing in each other. Tara sentWillow off for some quality time with Buffy; when Willow’s calls went unanswered, Willow became worried. She and Buffy went to Tara’s room, only to find a mess. Tara was nowhere to be found. Turns out that Oz had gone first to Willow’s room to apologize but then, not finding her there, looked for her at Tara’s room. He was making his way through his regrets, including his intention to leave town, when the phone rang: Willow left a message saying how much she loved Tara and asking her to call. At that point, Oz kept himself from changing—but only in order to get Tara back to his hiding place. In other words, he chose to act in a violent way. Meanwhile, Willow and Buffy are trying to locate Tara using Willow’s mental connection to her beloved.
Part 8Tara? Baby? You have to help me find you. Buffy’s here; we’re gonna come get you. But you need to let me know where you are. Baby?
Willow sat cross-legged on Tara’s bed and tried to focus. She had felt Tara’s presence—always a flickering burst of energy, mute and muted—at seemingly random intervals for the past half an hour. Now, though, it had been over ten minutes since she had last registered the gentle warmth.
Glancing over, she saw a long, golden strand of hair shimmering on Tara’s pillow. Only a few hours ago, they had lain here, tangled together, laughing and healing old wounds and creating new dreams. And now Tara was somewhere, terrified, with someone who meant to hurt her, or already had hurt her, or…Panic shot through her like flares, threatening to burn through any vestige of security and hope. How would she live without Tara? How would she ever move, eat, laugh, breathe again, knowing that she did so alone? Why would she want to?
She drew another deep breath, twining the light hair gently through her fingers as she did so, and attempted to coax her mind back into a state of calm and focus.
Baby? Where are you? Can you hear me? Tara, please—don’t leave me. Come back to me. Please…
Love.
Willow’s eyes flew open. She hadn’t imagined the voice, she was sure of it. She would know that voice, speaking that word, in the middle of any chaos and any silence. She focused once more.
Tara? I can hear you, Baby. Oh, Sweetie, I can hear you. Are you OK?
Love…you…Always love you.
No—no, those words were wrong, desperately wrong. Those were the words that came before goodbye.
Baby, where are you? Just tell me. Do you know?
The silence was a black fog that mocked her, dared her to hope and then fall.
Tara, don’t you even think about going away. I need you, Baby. Tara? Dammit, come back. I—I will so kick your beautiful ass if you leave me. She could feel tears spilling out from behind her closed lids.
The yawning stillness waved forward, blind to her grief and terror. And then—
Willow…Oz—he hates us…so much. You can’t…
Can’t what? Save you? The hell I can’t. Where are you?
Don’t…Don’t do this…He’ll kill you.
So I should just say goodbye and wait for your body to be recovered? She was shaking, but the connection still held. Tara, Buffy’s with me. You think she can’t handle him? And even if she weren’t here, I’d come for you. And I’d get you.
He’s so…so crazy with anger.
Can you get him back to being Oz?
Willow, he is Oz.
Willow choked at the words. Oz? The gentle musician? He was doing this? Terrorizing, hurting her beloved?
The wolf…it comes and goes. I think Oz is…Oz is controlling it, letting it…come out just a little, enough to…
Enough to what? Baby? Enough to what?
Enough to…to hurt me…pretty bad.
The room tilted, walls and floor stretching and shifting and finally resettling.
Willow, I can’t…stop him. I’m already fading. You have to get away…for now. Don’t try…if he gets to you…
Tara Maclay, don’t you dare tell me what to do. Don’t you dare make decisions for me about my life. The only decision that you get to make for me is what to name our first child because I’m such a spaz that the kid would be in grad school before I settled on a name I like.
There was nothing, no sound within the dark cottoned chamber of her mind.
Tara? Do you hear me? Goddess, please…Baby, how would you feel if you had to sit here and know I was dying? Don’t do this to me, Tara. I need you.
Willow…
Baby? Yeah?
If I had to sit there and listen…listen to you…I would—I would so kick your beautiful ass.
Willow could feel her shoulders shaking with the force of unreleased sobs. Then tell me, Baby. Where are you?
Some old factory…west of town. It took us about…twenty minutes to get here, in Oz’s van. I don’t think…not used anymore.
Willow started with the realization. The little prick took you where he found Xander and me; when Spike wanted that love potion for Dru.
Yeah, well…the little prick has…has abandonment issues, I think.
Baby, you have to hang on. Buffy and I are on our way. I’m gonna keep calling you, and you’d damn well better pick up the phone, OK?
I love…love it when you’re all…forceful.
Springing from the bed, Willow turned to Buffy, who had watched all of this unfold without moving from her seat on the floor.
"They’re at the textile factory, the old one on 79." She propelled Buffy out the door.
"You mean where he and Cordelia—?"
"That’s the one."
"The little prick…"
***
The ride, in Mrs. Summers’ SUV, lasted only fourteen minutes, largely because Buffy seemed to assume that speed limits didn’t apply to Slayers. Willow had been able to keep contact with Tara fairly consistently; she was clearly hurt, but wouldn’t give any details. But the knowledge that Willow was coming for her seemed to give her renewed strength. Willow leaped out before the vehicle had come to a complete stop; Buffy was on her heels seconds thereafter.
"Wait, Will—we need a plan."
"The plan is we go in there and rescue Tara."
"What about Oz?"
"He forfeited his rescue coupon when he hurt Tara."
Buffy grabbed her arm, spinning her around. "Will—how far do we go? If he puts up a fight?"
Willow paused, knowing what Buffy was asking; but she paused only a second.
"His life is secondary to Tara’s safety. Is that clear?"
Buffy looked at her, her expression one of both compassion and resolution. "It’s clear. Let’s go get your girl."
***
Willow knew exactly where they’d be—Oz would hold Tara in the same room where he discovered her kissing Xander one year and a lifetime ago. Get over yourself, Irony Boy.
What she hadn’t expected was the sight of blood all along the hallway leading to the room; small random droplets interspersed with larger pools—dark, liquid garnets flung in haste and protest—that stopped at the closed door to the room.
Buffy reached out an arm, signaling for Willow to stop, and pressed her ear to the door. Willow did likewise.
"…because you can’t understand. You don’t know what we had; what we still could have had. She chose me, remember? Why didn’t you stay away from her?"
Willow couldn’t hear Tara’s muffled response, but she didn’t really care. She had heard Tara; knew once again that she was still alive.
"You didn’t try to seduce her? You expect me to believe that? That you didn’t use every trick in the book to get her into bed?" There was the sound of Tara’s low voice again, and then what sounded like a rattling of chains. "Well, here’s what I think. I think you gave her that poor, shy, stuttering routine until she just felt sorry for you."
Willow grabbed Buffy by the shoulder. "When does the ass-kicking start?" she hissed.
"I’m thinkin’ right about now." With that, Buffy gave the door a very-expertly-delivered kick and they both tumbled into the room.
Willow knew, in that moment, that she was looking upon two sights that would stay with her until the end of her days: one was Oz, in a grotesque state of half-change; his eyes black and fangs partially erupted, fingers distended to claws.
And the other was Tara, bloodied and torn, chained against a wall.
At the sight of her, Oz seemed at first about to complete his transformation, but then abruptly, all signs of the werewolf disappeared. He stood before her, eyes a mixture of grief and venom. Willow saw Tara lift her head slightly; her lip had been sliced and claw marks veered angrily across her throat and chest. Willow thought for a moment that she might pass out, but steadied herself. I told you I’d get you, Baby. Hold on, OK? Please hold on.
Look at you—all…all butch and…ready to rumble.
"Willow…I went to find you; I was going to apologize. But you weren’t there and I went to her room"—with this he jerked his head in Tara’s direction—"and I even said I was sorry to her. But then you called and left that message and—and I just lost control."
Anger charged through her body at the words, and she struggled to keep her voice even. "Oz, you’re not out of control now; so just let Tara go, OK?"
He took a step closer to her. "All I wanted to do was love you, Willow. I did everything, all the work, for you. But you threw it all away."
"No, Oz. I didn’t. I fell in love with Tara and I hadn’t even realized how much until I tried to give her up."
She recoiled at his reaction: fangs ripped from his jaws, and his fingers stretched once more into gnarled claws—and then, just as quickly, they had disappeared, and Oz stood human before her again. Finally, he turned and walked away from her, back to where Tara was hanging, held up by the chains.
"Can you believe that I came back here and locked myself up in these chains the last two nights? Just so I wouldn’t hurt anybody. I mean, this room’s kinda symbolic, isn’t it?"
Willow hesitated in anguish. She wanted to scream at him, curse him both literally and figuratively for what he had done to her beloved. But could she do so without him transforming again and killing Tara? Would he even have to change? How much of this had he done—willingly? The thought made her nauseous.
"You hurt me, Willow. More than you’ll ever know. I didn’t plan to do this, you know." Oz turned toward Tara as he spoke. "I was going to leave town. But when I heard your voice, on the phone—I just lost it. Now maybe you know a little bit about how it feels." He drew a shallow, hitched breath, and Willow saw the claws spring from his hands once more; she saw him reach for Tara; she saw that she couldn’t possibly reach her or even utter a spell in time to keep him from puncturing the soft flesh that had already borne so many wounds—
"Oz?" Willow and Oz both looked up in surprise. They had almost forgotten Buffy was there. Oz hesitated, head cocked, one feral hand raised.
"I really don’t want you to do that."
Oz, his face fully human, seemed to waver for a moment. And then he shrugged with a regret that Willow knew he didn’t feel, and turned back to Tara.
***
Moments later, Willow finally registered a complete thought: Man, I didn’t know even Buffy could move that fast.
And she never ran track? came the answering ripple within her mind. Spinning, Willow ran over to Tara and cradled her face gently in her hands.
Buffy stood towering over Oz, who was writhing on the floor. His now-declawed hands clung desperately to his genitals.
"You know, sometimes you just gotta go with the classics." Buffy knelt and turned him over roughly, searching in first one pocket and then another until she pulled out a key. She tossed it over to Willow. "Let’s have a new lead in this year’s Bondage Pageant, shall we?"
Willow fumbled with her eagerness, but finally managed to extricate Tara, who sagged against her.
"Baby? Oh God, Tara, you’re hurt."
"Nothing that …won’t heal." Her smile was feeble, and fresh blood trickled from the tear that she reopened with the effort. It was the most beautiful smile Willow had ever seen.
"Willow?" Tara’s voice was weak, and Willow leaned in as close as she could, kissing the bruised flesh with infinite gentleness.
"Yeah, Baby?"
"Amanda."
Willow’s brow furrowed with anxiety. Had Tara been beaten into a delirium? Was she under some kind of curse? "What, Baby?"
"For a girl. Amanda. Tristan for…for a boy. You said I could…decide. So I decided."
TO BE CONTINUED AND QUITE PROBABLY CONCLUDED
Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 11/13/02 11:26:31 pm
by Zahir al Daoud » Tue Nov 12, 2002 5:21 pm 
even said so-- but we had also heard that amber was refusing to play the part because it would hurt the fans more (I had heard specifically that this season's big bad would take on tara's form to torture willow). so yeah, that's exactly what happened. amber refused to play this part, cuz she is a classy girl and a wonderful person and loves her fans very very much. so she wasn't in the ep.
. Oh, it was wonderful how the part ended with talk of names for their children (ie Tara simply stating, "Amanda."), which conveys that W&T are embracing their future as a couple. Sad to know there might be only one part left, but I can't wait to see what happens next!
at: 11/14/02 2:10:57 am
Here comes White Knight Willow, probably not on a horse though 
Have to find a way to ensure Tara and Willow's safety from EvilOz...
I couldn't imagine never reading a fic from you again (Is that even correct English? Sorry the brain is fried). Can't wait for post rescue smoochies 
