Great job! I really like the changing timeline; now that I'm used to paying attention to the dates and locations, it all seems really natural and flowy.

Most of my favorite pieces seem to get abandoned, but you seem to be very into this story, which is great! So keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to more updates!

whatmakesyouhappy
Sorry work got in the way, looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

pipsberg
Anything with Amy is bound to be painful. Glad you enjoyed it.

dianneswillowtree
Are you blue or green (bouncing ball)? Again, thanks for reading.

wimpy0729
Hi. Glad you stopped by and checked it out. I'm glad you liked Giles... I have a minor heart attack every time I add a character we all know and love, so I'm glad to see you enjoyed it. Thanks for hanging in there with Tara.

auriam
You're adorable, and just the best cheerleader I could ask for. Thanks for all your support.

magicdanw
All of my favorite fics get abandoned too. Hell, I've even done some abandoning... *sigh* That being said, I'm very much enjoying pumping out this piece. It's working well, and I'm getting really involved.

Some personal notes on this story, my motivations, and the plan:
(Please feel free not to read this.)

So far, the story is mapped out into eight chapters, with a chapter or two of epilogue that is not planned at all. Usually I don't plan at all, but at the moment I have -- seriously -- Three different timelines written out, one in actual time progression, the other by chapter... and then an actual chapter timeline where once I start writing I throw all my planning out the window. Isn't that the way they say it goes?

In any case, with any luck I'll be able to finish this off pretty quickly, as it's an exercise in teaching myself to write everyday so I can start writing my original stuff too. The problem in part is that I tend to write a lot of poetry, so my follow through on the story form kind of sucks. But all of this feedback is duly motivating.

I'm heading "home for the holidays" for two weeks in early December, so either it will be finished before then or after... Either way, I'd prefer not to move into the new year with this fic lingering. I hope it works out.

So if you read all of this, you now know what my plan is. I hope that it helps to comfort any fears about me leaving this unfinished, but for all I know I may have just inflamed some.

Thanks,
M.

I hated to wait until after work to read, but it was worth the wait ! Great chapter even after all this time they can't get out of each others head. I hate that Tara is doubting the kiss though you would think since she was sober for the second kiss it wasn't the drugs.





______________________________________________________

Right now a moment of time is passing by !--------------We must become that moment.....Paul Cezanne

Hello

I really really like this jumps! It makes it more interesting... with hints there and there...
Of course Willow has misunderstood Tara and Tara has shied away... It desesperates me sometimes... Actually no, otherwise there would have no fiction!

Keep up please?

Thanks for the update,

Friendly,

Julia

_________________
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

Great next update. So some more things are coming clear. About what Tara is doing in 2008 and the beginning of her carreer. We still don't know how she met Anya and what Anya is doing for a living. But we will. I'm sure of that.

How bold of Willow to kiss Tara back. Never saw that one coming. So they kissed twice in 2000. No wonder they are both sure that's the thing. The night before they could have blamed the drugs but not in the morning. Still wonder why Willow didn't stay in contact with Tara. Seems she was to shy at all.

And Amy was fun, too. She is kinda addicted here too? Buffy and Xander really seem to be good friends.

No offence intended with the my patiently waiting comment. I try to do that all the time. It was more a reasuring comment ment to myself. Because I totally lack at the patience thing. I check updates to the stories I like all the time. Yours certainly belong into that category.

_________________
She's not drivin stick anymore?

whatmakesyouhappy
I hope work wasn't too awful! I'm touched that you think it was worth the wait. All will eventually be explained, no worries. (Well, I hope so, anyway...)

JujuDeRoussie
Hey Julia. I like your new word "desesperates". And honestly, sometimes they're awkwardness drives me nuts as well, but it's what makes them interesting... amongst millions of other reasons I'm too tired to speculate on now.

sacinema
You want to see more of Anya. Check. Maybe just for you, since you've been so loyal. I thought Willow kissing Tars was bold too, but it felt right. I think the event of kissing Tara and liking it really did change Willow. Amy is indeed addicted here too. I hoped the B/X/W scene played well.
As for your patiently waiting comment, no offense taken. No worries. Just a little playful banter.

I'll try to get something out for you soon. Thanks for reading...
M.

update now ?
pretty pleaze ?

**oooh**

a) Tara does some kind of sexy poetry reading? Damn. That's a great image, y'know. Of course you know. You wrote it!

b) It's nice to see Giles. He's such a great figure in the Scooby gang when he's being the father figure! I can totally see him being involved in the publishing world if he were just-real-people Giles.

c) Magic 8 Ball of Speculation, meet Chance. Chance, meet Magic 8 Ball of Speculation (M8BoS): M8BoS hopes that Giles still knows Buffy and Willow and those guys.

d) My wee heart is all in a flurry for those two. They need to find each other. *sigh* Poor little chickadees.

Thanks for writing. It's a great read!

db

_________________
I am, you know.

db
a) Thank you, I think erotic poetry is very sexy, and Tara reading it should be a total blast.

b) I don't like to use OC characters in FF, so I try to keep most of the characters you see in my stories part of the Buffyverse. In the original draft, Anya was the one in publishing, but now she's been relegated to best friend/roommate, and Giles as publisher was born. I like him in this role. Kind of a throwback to the whole sexy musician thing.

c) Hello M8BoS. We'll see where your hopes get you.

d) My heart gets all worked up for them as well... and since it's the kitten board, I'm sure we all know they will in fact find each other. (Hope I didn't ruin the end for you.)

Thanks for reading. It's fun to write.

Auriam

I know you commented first, but I figured I'd just say this to everybody:
Working on the update now, hopefully up tonight, if not, then definitely by Friday. (I'm making dinner tomorrow, so no hopes of me sneaking away while others work. Pity.)

Keep an eye out.
M. [/b]

have a Happy Thanksgiving Don't sweat the update









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GO COWBOYS !

Ooohh, I'm liking all the loose ends we're being thrown and look forward to seeing them all come together.

And 'ouch' is good, it's very good. Anything that gets a reaction out of me is good! Great update!

Cass x

_________________
"I believe that women were born to be admired, adored and worshipped. A world without women? - Unthinkable." - Yours truly.
"I see my breath in the cold of the air that I breathe and I'm wondering if it's you that I feel here haunting me forever. I have been searching for traces of what we were. A ghost of you is all that I have left of you to hold." - Good Charlotte

Oof, I like this. Different and very cool. can't wait for an update! wahey!

_________________
- I am a poster girl with no poster, I am 32 flavours and then some -

whatmakesyouhappy
Thanks for the encouragement.

intricatemirage
I'm glad you're entertained. I look forward to causing more reactions.

leftindust
Glad you're with us. And so as not to disappoint...

Reminders are done. Jump up to previous chapters if you’re confused. Thanks.

Feedback: I love feedback. It’s quite encouraging. Please feel free to be as constructive as possible, telling me what you liked and what you didn’t. I can’t promise I’ll always take it to heart, but I’m always interested to hear it.

Chapter Four

Portland, Oregon
February, 2007

Tara smiled politely over the rim of her wine glass, tilting it back over her full lips. The liquid warmed her whole body and loosened the ever present tension in her shoulders. She felt slightly awkward in the clothes Anya had picked out for her, the shirt too revealing, the pants just too tight on her curves, she felt open for display. Not that my date seems to notice, she thought to herself with a bit of a smile, watching the woman’s eyes as they seemed to continually sweep her face looking for signs of merriment or displeasure. She’s so nervous. Tara couldn’t hold back a full blown grin at her date, who instantly saw the expression. Her leg began shaking under the table nervously, even as she continued to babble on. “I didn’t really think you would go out with me. I mean, you’ve turned down everyone else at work who’s asked you, and I thought… well, you’re so unbelievably beautiful, I just…”

Tara sighed. It was true, she went to the same coffee shop three times a week, and every employee there must have asked her out. Twice. She had grown so used to it that it was mostly routine of her day. And then Vi started working there a few weeks before, and she had instantly liked the younger woman. She was nervous, watching customers intently as they ordered and still not getting their order quite right. When she had seemed to take the same interest in Tara that all the others did, Tara seriously debated whether or not she could be attracted to her. It was not the first time she’d been attracted to a woman that wasn’t Willow in the past seven years, hell, it wasn’t even the first date she’d been on. But it was the first time she’d been hopeful beforehand.

Tara zoned back into the words that were coming from Vi’s mouth, and her cheeks instantly reddened, shooting down her neck and flushing her chest as well. She’s nice. Really young. But she’s very sweet. Oh Anya, why did I let you talk me into this? “Thank you.” She said, interrupting the babblefest, her eyes cast down to the hem of her shirt, where she picked off some invisible lint to avoid having to look the girl in the eye.

“Oh, no need to thank me.” Vi smiled. “Thank you.”

If we just keep thanking each other for nothing, this is never going to go anywhere. “So tell me about yourself then.” Tara smiled at the girl reassuringly as she went white as a ghost.

“About me?” Vi looked both scared and perplexed. “Why would you want to know about me?”

Tara shook her head, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Well, that is what people do, isn’t it? It’s been awhile since I’ve been out on a date, but I was sure there was talking about ourselves involved.” She smiled, this time hoping to encourage.

“But you’re the interesting one! You write, right? That’s what Rona said. Rona, she works with me…”

Tara did know Rona, as they had shared a laugh every few mornings when Tara had come in for her usual drink. She was surprised to find out anyone actually knew who she was, though in this town, she supposed she shouldn’t be. “I do. I write children’s books.” And erotic poetry. Tara hid a giggle behind a wide smile. But if I tell you that right now, you may explode. “And you work at Stumptown.”

“Yeah, I do.” Vi’s eyes stared up at Tara in total wonder, her statement an afterthought.

When Vi didn’t continue, Tara tried to hide her disappointment. The conversation continued, mostly with Vi gazing up in wonder at her dinner companion, and Tara feeling very much like a zoo exhibit. When their dinners were finally cleared, the waiter approached with the typical offer of coffee and dessert. They politely declined, and stood to head out the door.

As they neared the end of the block walking towards Tara’s car, Vi broke the silence. “I had a really, really great time tonight, Tara. I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me on Friday?”

Tara found herself looking up into Vi’s expectant smile, and felt her heart break at the ever so hopeful look on the woman’s face. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I’m sorry, Vi, looking at you makes my heart ache for someone else. You like me so much, and it’s very flattering, but you’re just not what I want. Oh well, be as polite as possible, make her feel good, and then get the hell out.

Sunnydale, California
August 2002

Ira Rosenberg had always known his daughter was different. From the moment she was born, holding her in his arms, she looked magnificentally small. And yet, as he moved his hand to check her fingers and toes, as he touched his hand to her face for the first time, he could feel something in her reach out to him. It was almost ghostly, his experience, the feel of her essence reaching out to touch him in that room that smelled of medicine and science and clean.

He felt the same way when he heard her voice in his mind when she was six and broke her arm several blocks away from home. He had been at his office, reading an article of interest when he heard her, clear as day, call out for him. He could still remember the panic in her voice, the first and last time he remembered her truly needing him. He had convinced himself that was hearing things until his wife called him a few hours later. The sitter had called her, she explained, and then she had met them at the hospital. Willow was fine, and she was getting some work done in the waiting room. He had rolled his eyes at his wife’s bored tone.

And yet he had always known he was no better than her, with her clinical detachment. He loved his wife, she was a brilliant woman, but she was not particularly maternal. And yet, what was he? Paternal. No, no better. He should have rushed to her the moment he knew he was needed. Instead he had sat, reading in his office, convincing himself that Willow was fine. And so he had done for most of her childhood, truly believing that such an intelligent, capable child had no need for his guidance. How much he had missed he was only painfully aware of now.

Now, as he watched Willow pace back and forth in front of him, he realized with a stunning clarity that this is exactly what she had come to tell him. She was different. Finally, she turned on her heel and looked at him. “Dad.” She paused, searching his face for a reaction he had yet to form. She took a sigh, and began to pace again. Ira glanced at his watch out of habit, regretting it instantly when he saw his daughter sigh, screwing her eyes closed.

“Bren…” he began, sinking easily into habit again.

“Dad, I have something to tell you, and it’s hard. It’s hard for me to tell you, because, well, you’re my father, and…” She shook her head, as if to clear it, and took a deep breath that cleansed her. She opened her eyes. “I’m gay.”

For a moment, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. His expression did not break, merely staying on her without seeing her. He inhaled sharply through his nose, a whirlwind of reactions coursing through his brain. What does this mean for you, my dear daughter? What will this world do to you? And finally, the one he voiced. “Are you happy, Willow?”

It surprised her how strong his voice was, how tender, how filled with emotion. It was the first time in her life Willow ever truly felt the depth of her father’s love. “I’m happy, yes.” She smiled, feeling the truth in her words.

“Then what else is there to say?” There was silence between them as they gazed at each other, their eyes meeting. The same smile formed on both their lips, a product of genetics.

Finally, Willow broke the silence. “Can you help me tell Mom?”

Ira’s eyes grew wide, before he began to laugh. “There is no power on this Earth great enough to help you tell your Mother, Willow.”

Willow laughed at him, smiling wide, her tongue pushing out from between her teeth in pure delight.

Portland, Oregon
August, 2001

Tara stared at her reflection in the glass window, looking carefully at her outfit. She shot a dejected look at herself, feeling silly. Am I dressed right? How do you dress right for this kind of occasion? She sighed, not knowing the answer. Hesitantly, she pushed open the door of the old house, now converted to a coffee shop and glanced around. Not seeing anyone close to whom she was supposed to be meeting, she looked for someone to direct her. Finally, she flagged down a waitress’ attention. “H-hi. I-I’m supposed to b-be meeting someone.” She frowned at her stumbling.

“Oh!” The waitress brought her hand to her forehead in a salute. “Right this way…” She began walking back out the door that Tara had entered from, and lead her to an outdoor sitting area. There, sitting off in a corner was a pretty woman with blond hair. The waitress pointed at her. “Good luck.” She whispered before scurrying back in the other direction.

During Tara’s walk towards her, she felt the woman’s eyes appraising her. “Well, you’re shy, aren’t you?” Anya called when Tara was ten feet away, her head slightly bowed.

“I guess I am.” Tara laughed, feeling relaxed by the honesty.

“So, why are you moving?” Anya asked, still eyeing Tara up and down.

“Oh, well, my apartment is the first place I moved into when I got here, and I guess I’m looking for something… nicer?” She took a seat on the bench opposite Anya.

“What’s your name?” She leaned forward to pick up a cup of coffee sitting in front of her.

“Tara Maclay.” She answered, her fingers pulling at the napkin on the table in front of her.

“Good name. You seem very honest.” Anya reached over and picked up Tara’s hand, examining her skin in the light. “You have soft skin and clean hands.” Anya seemed to check off some kind of list in her mind. “Do you shower regularly? Personal hygeine is a must.”

Tara nodded, somewhat bewildered by this strange creature. “I’m very neat.”

“Well, that answers my next question.” Another check. “Do you steal?”

“No.” Check.

“Do you have loud friends and late parties?”

“No.” Half-check.

“Do you mind if I do?”

“With some warning?” Anya nodded goodnaturedly. “No, not really.” Check.

“Well, you’ll do. My name is Anya Jenkins. I would love for you to be my new roommate.” The girl smiled, the expression covering most of her face.

Tara nodded, despite herself. “When can I see the apartment?”

“Oh. Well, when you move in, of course. Don’t worry, you’ll love it.” Anya continued to smile at her. “So, do you have a lot of sex? Is your shy demeanor really just a ploy to get people into bed with you? Because it’s very convincing.” Tara stared at Anya, not quite knowing what to say. She found herself enjoying the strange girl’s presence. And she found herself agreeing despite herself when Anya looked at her straight in the eyes and said “I think we’re going to be best friends!”

Yeah! An update!

That was nice
Poor Tara's date...

I love Willow's coming out, and especially her father's thoughts



This is what we should have asked to my mom's friend when he asked us to stay here for 2 weeks 10 months ago... lol


Thanks!

Friendly,

Julia

_________________
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

Hi
Loved Anya's introduction. she seems like the perfect person to help Tara come out of her shell.

The different dating experiences of W & T were an interesting contrast. Tara seems to have gone on a few (at least) dates, and this one is pleasant and well-behaved (even if she's boring). Willow's date, otoh, is a rude lout, and it appears that she may not have dated much, if at all. They are still pining over each other, which is sweet.

thanks, looking forward to more.
Anne

_________________
Spells for Two

Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...

update woo and hoo !
I love the way Anya ask her questions!
Very nice update i would love to read the coming out with Willow mother lol.
I own you kisses and hugs for your wonderful story ! lol

I love stories where Tara and Anya are living together; its always so interesting.
Looking forward to the next update.

Aww.

You're a tease

I like Ira. He's sweet... and Anya is, well, Anya. *giggle* She cracks me up. It is nice to know that both Willow and Tara have support people -- and now I know how Anya and Tara met and became friends...



But poor Willow and Tara are still lost! It's been 8 years? A very lonely 8 years by the sound of thier respective dating experiences!!

Any near misses in that time? What brings them back together? Will they recognize each other? How do they find each other again? When they do, how will they react. For the record, db votes for *not* drooling, vomiting or peeing themselves. Ok. I'll stop. I know, I know, I am being impatient girl. Bad db. Go to the corner.

I can be good.

Patient and sweet and good.

_________________
I am, you know.

Awwww poor Vi. But that is the character, I suppose. It's good to see that Tara is somewhat getting back on the horse, but it's also good to see that she is still very much in love with Willow.

Maaaaan, Mrs. Rosenberg is always a challenge. And Anya was perfect. Loved it. Looking forward to the next one.

_________________
-diamondforever

diamondforever's fanfiction archive

Great update I knew Tara and Anya's first meeting was going to be good .







_________________________________________________________Be who you are and say what you feel,because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind........DR SEUSS

wahey keep it up! loving it so far, Anya is AWESOME haha.

_________________
- I am a poster girl with no poster, I am 32 flavours and then some -

For the record, I happen to think that your Anya and your Buffy characters are written especially well. The other characters are arguably more subtle which could entirely be the reason they don't stand out in my mind-- with little to no glaring inaccuracies, they stand confidently as characters.

Loving your story. I've spent some time in Portland, so that certainly helps draw me in. Way to represent our under-loved City of Roses.

Bravo, Chance. And now, an emoticon waving the gay flag:

LOL

-ttenz

Another interesting update. I almost felt sorry for Tara on her date, because she once again found herself realizing this person wasn't the person she wanted, who of course, is Willow. I can't wait to see how the years pass and they meet up again.

Tara's meeting with Anya was priceless, and your Anya is just perfect.

Good job on Willow coming out to her dad. At least he seems supportive, but I have a feeling her mom will be a different story.

Can't wait to see what's next.


Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

JujuDeRoussie
Hi Julia. I wanted people to like Ira, in my world he genuinely loves his daughter, he's just really bad at showing her. I myself currently have an extended house guest. She's been here for a month... maybe a little longer. My major complaint is that her showers go on forever. If it's not one thing, it's the other, eh?


spells42
Hi Anne, The two dates are spread six and a half years apart. So it might better explain the discrepancies between W & T's dating histories. Maybe not. I can't really say. I'm glad you liked Anya. I find her intimidating to write.

Auriam
Like I've said, greatest cheerleader ever. Hugs and kisses are gladly accepted, even by mail.

love_2003
I like stories with Tara and Anya as close friends, I think it makes a lot of sense. Hope you enjoy the rest.

db
I am indeed a bit of a tease, it is true. I'm so glad you like Ira, and you think Anya is a good Anya, too. Like I've said, she intimidates me a bit.

It has been eight years for W/T, but I think that sometimes people just get under your skin and it's hard to let them go. When you know what you want, it's hard to take anything else.

As for what happens with them, speculation is fantastic, but you'll have to wait and see. I'll take your votes into account. Impatience makes me feel better, as I myself am as impatient as they come.

diamondforever
Yeah, poor Vi. I'm really glad my Anya has so much support. Thanks for sticking with me and all your encouragement, it really does help when I sit down to work on this. Thanks.

whatmakesyouhappy
Everybody wanted to see the Tara/Anya meeting. Who am I to disappoint? In the meantime, I want to say thank you to you as well, as I said, words of encouragement really do help when I sit down to write. Thank you.

leftindust
Glad you love it. Stick with me, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it.

ukittenz
Funny to see you here, my dear. I have to admit my own surprise at seeing you around. That being said, thank you. I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times: When I write ff, one of the biggest compliments one can pay me is to tell me my characters are on.

I love Portland. I think it deserves some glorification and some love. The City of Roses by any other name would not smell so sweet, or something like that... blah blah blah. Pride it out. Hope you like the rest of it.

wimpy0729
That was my favorite Anya line. I'm glad you liked it. I hope the next does not disappoint.

Okay, update soon, in an hour or a few, today or tomorrow, I don't know, but I'm working on it now, so probably soon. Thanks for sticking with me.
M.

Hi Chance,

I have been reading your story all along but haven't had much opportunity for feedback. Even now I only have a few minutes, but I just wanted to let you know that I am reading your story and I'm enjoying it. I did make a few notes, just to keep the timeline straight, and I'm liking the kaleidoscopic effect of your story, how you seem to be running to the stuff in the middle.

What a different way for Tara and Willow to meet, and I can hardly wait for them to meet again! I do like your incarnation of Faith as well; she seems kinda true to canon.

Please do finish this story! I'll be reading!

Phoenix

sorry for my lateness I was out of town please put them together soon this is really getting to me. but I love you story so much. oh I am a red ball hahahahaha

_________________
Dia the spelunker
Never underestimate the powerful love of a good woman
If you were a cave what kind of cave would you be

Tara the Phoenix
I'm so glad you're reading and enjoying my story, as I am enjoying yours immensely. Good for the give and take of things. Thanks for taking time out and telling me so.

Dianneswillowtree
Everybody will be forgiven at least twice here, so keep in mind you've used up one. Just kidding. Thanks for coming back, hope you enjoy the rest.

Reminders are done. Jump up to previous chapters if you’re confused. Thanks.

Feedback: I love feedback. It’s quite encouraging. Please feel free to be as constructive as possible, telling me what you liked and what you didn’t. I can’t promise I’ll always take it to heart, but I’m always interested to hear it.

Chapter Five

Portland, Oregon
September 2008

Tara stood, waiting to be called “on stage” with a nervousness she couldn’t quite shake. She had become used to readings, mostly thanks to Anya dragging her to open mic after open mic. For years, Anya had patiently listened as Tara read her work again and again, a different inflection or tone used each time. She served as critic, support system, and general pain in the ass. Tara smiled. Thinking about Anya and all the work it took to make it here, to this moment, it calmed her down. Now, if only she didn’t know about Willow…

Willow felt her heart leap out of her chest and shoot back in, thumping loudly in the midst of the crowd. Her face was beet red, her breathing coming in short gasps, she stared unable to move her eyes away from her. Tara Maclay. How many times had she considered the woman’s last name? Too many to count. Simple, American names: Tara Simpson. Tara Jones. Tara Smith. Tara Johnson. Irish? Tara Riley. Tara Connor. Tara Duffy. Italian. Tara Lombardi. Tara Espisito… none of them had ever sounded right to her ear. Tara Maclay, of course. How perfect, how simple. How beautiful. The picture outside had done her no justice. Even after eight years, not one detail of her face had left Willow’s mind, she could see the changes, the newer laugh lines, the tired look around the eyes that Willow knew was mirrored in her own. And yet still, there she was, the woman who she had been searching for with her heart everyday for eight years.

Her voice sounded over the crowd, but spoke directly to the heart of her, to the Willow who existed nowhere else but for Tara, with Tara. She looked so confident, so gorgeous, her blue eyes shimmering in the light, dancing around in their mischeviousness. Her words flowed from her, cocooning the audience in their warm, sensual glow. She tried to pay attention, tried to hear. So much love in her voice, as she read to the crowd. Each one of them could have been her lover, the one she spoke to in such soft tones. Willow watched her read, poem after poem, imagining how many moments she had missed with this beautiful creature.

Finally, there was a lull, a collective whimper as the goddess stopped speaking, letting her eyes search the crowd. Who is she looking for? Willow’s mind demanded, aching with the idea of someone else in the crowd the poet was speaking of. She searched the faces of the audience, a game of hide and seek as they caught her eye and dropped their eyes to their laps blushing. Finally, her eyes seemed to stop at Willow’s, and even with the distance, and the lights shining on her face, a spark of recognition seemed to float across her face. Her blue eyes widened, glimpsing those green that she had seen time and again in her dreams. They stared so long that the audience began to turn in their seats, trying to find the face they saw her staring at. She shook her head, ripping her eyes away from the redheaded woman, and laughed softly, drawing the attention of the crowd back to her.

“I’m going to read my final poem for the night, but first I’d like to tell you a little about how it came to be. When I was younger and wild…” She trailed off as the audience began to titter. She waited for them to settle again. “I met this girl. I knew her for only twelve hours, and she changed my whole life. Everything I write is in some way or another about her. I’ve never seen her face to face again, but I’ve always wanted to. What I remember most about her is the way she smelled…” For a moment, Tara lost herself to a memory. “This is the poem I wrote for her.” She sought out Willow’s eyes in the audience once more. “I’ve never read it for any audience before.” With her eyes locked on Willow’s, she began to speak.

if i close my eyes i can still smell you
so sweet, nectarines and honey
it lingered on my skin for weeks

alone in my room just yesterday
i called you to mind again
everyday and a thousand times before

your form pressed against me
now naked in our privacy
your hips buck against my intrusion

i am tension, the high wire
carefully balancing
desire and need

you are a blur in my fantasy
frantic energy like that morning
you kissed me against bathroom tile

all I have now in desire and need is
the ghost of you, nectarine and honey
on my tongue when i come

Portland, Oregon
September 2006

Anya grabbed a hold of Tara and pulled her towards the door of the bar. “You’re never going to have sex if you don’t even meet lesbians!” Anya shouted, before turning to face the bouncer with an ID in her hands. The woman leered forward towards her, clearly taking the chance to look down Anya’s shirt. Her eyes took a slow trip back up from her breasts to rest on her lips. “I’m a lesbian.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Of course you are.” She shot a beaming smile back towards Tara who returned the look with a shake of the head and huge eyes. “So’s she.” Anya pointed, deliberately avoiding the petrified look in her friend’s eye.

“Nice to meet you, honey.” The bouncer eyed Tara up and down as well. “You are one hell of a woman.”

“Thank you.” She answered softly, the corners of her lips turning up into the slightest hint of a smile. She pushed her ID into the bouncer’s waiting hands.

“Don’t be nervous. You’ll knock ‘em dead.” The woman offered Tara a wink, and opened her hand to usher them both inside. Anya grinned, and Tara offered the woman a true smile before ducking into the bar.

Tara felt her mouth drop open in wonder as she stared at the small stage from her table with Anya. Performing karaoke to a Disturbed song were two young women, obviously not much past twenty-one if at all, Tara thought, allowing it to bring the smirk to her lips. Anya was beside herself in the next seat, truly tickled by the performance. “Lesbian karaoke is amazing.”

“Well, it’s certainly different.” Tara replied, unable to rip her eyes away from the women. As the song ended, and the girls fell over laughing, Tara allowed her eyes to wander over the bar. The bartender was laughing, her head thrown back, obviously truly enjoying whatever had just been said by a brunette in tight jeans and a white tank top.

The brunette seemed to realize the performance was over a few seconds after Tara caught sight of her. She climbed onto the stage, stealing the microphone back from the girls, and casting a look out at the audience. “Alright you drunkards…” At the sound of the voice, Tara’s eyes flew to the woman’s face as she flashed a sexy smile out at the crowd. “Next we have Kate and Darla performing Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s Picture.” Faith.

Faith stood on stage, a hand buried in her pocket, the other with the microphone extended to two blushing blond women headed towards her. Tara’s eyes took in her face, which looked the same as it had six years before. Faith was beautiful. She slowly let her eyes travel the other girl’s form. Not too thin, anymore. Faith rocked back and forth on her feet, as the first woman reached out to grab the mic. She looks… sort of nervous. Tara laughed at the idea, seeing so many and so few changes in her old friend. Faith stepped off the stage as the song began, heading back towards the bar. Tara felt herself stand and begin to move towards her without thought.

“Hi.” The word was out of her mouth before she could even begin to berate herself for its absurdity.

Faith stopped and a beat passed before she turned towards the voice. “Tara.” She said the name mostly to herself before she let her eyes take the other girl in. She swallowed. “Good to see ya, T.”

“It’s good to see you, Faith.” Her voice was soft, her hand reaching out to touch the other girl’s wrist. Her fingers dropped around her arm, closing around the skin. “How are you?”

Faith stared at the touch before raising her eyes. “Good.” She took a deep breath. “Better.”

“Good.” Tara’s voice filled with genuine warmth before she smiled at the girl. “That’s really good.”

Faith nodded. “It is good.”

“How long have you been working here?”

Tara felt Faith start to relax, and she let her hold on the other girl begin to slip. Faith caught her hand with her own, and laced their fingers together for a moment before squeezing her hand gently and dropping away. “A year or so.” She pointed at the bartender with a smile. “My partner.”

“That’s great.” Tara gave the girl a half grin. “That’s really, really great.”

“It is.” Faith smiled back at Tara, letting the warmth of the girl wash over her. “I’m…”
She forced a sigh out, looking away for a moment as her features formed into a wince. In an instant it was gone, replaced with a gaze straight back at her old friend. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…” She trailed off again. “Things changed after… after you left.”

Tara nodded. “I’m glad.”

From behind the bar, the bartender’s voice sounded. “Faith?” She called, her eyes taking in the two women a little suspiciously.

“I should go. But you should come back. Maybe we can… talk some more.” Faith’s voice betrayed the fear that she felt.

“I will.” Tara smiled. “Good to see you.” She grabbed Faith’s hand and squeezed it again. “Go tell your girl not to worry about me.”

Faith flashed her a grin before nodding and pushing herself off in the direction of the bar, a private smile flashing in the direction of her lover as she scurried off to calm her doubts.

Sunnydale, California
August 2003

“Open mine!” Dawn jumped about excitedly, her party hat falling back behind her head.

Willow grinned as she watched Dawn’s excitement, and turned to look at Xander. “What do you say? Just for my birthday, a little Snoopy dance?”

“Aww, c’mon, Will, I don’t want to ruin the Christmas magic.” Xander grinned knowingly, and ruffled Willow’s hair with his hand.

“Alright, alright, fine. But my present had better be excellent.” She answered him, grabbing the small wrapped package from Dawn. She began to pull the paper apart, quickly realizing that Dawn’s idea of wrapping also included covering every spare inch of paper in tape.

“I was at the mall, and I saw this, and I thought, perfect for Willow!” Dawn grinned, moving to sit down next to the redhead. “Open it!” She demanded.

“I’m trying, Dawnie, but you certainly don’t make it easy.” She began a new tactic of pulling with all of her might.

“Demon wrapper Dawn strikes again!” Buffy called as she came in from the kitchen carrying sodas and popcorn.

“Finally…” Willow muttered to herself as she got the item within the packaging. She pulled out a small hardcover book, the cover immediately drawing her eye as her quick mind made work of the black and white photograph of a woman’s torso. Her green eyes opened wide in surprise as she looked up at Dawn. “Dawn, I…”

Buffy and Xander leaned forward to get a glimpse of the gift, as Dawn began to explain. “It’s not what you think!” Buffy and Xander followed Willow’s example in shooting an open mouthed look at Dawn, struggling for words. “Really! Well, not really, it’s this book of poetry, and I remember that Willow really liked her feminist poetry class, and this new book came out by this new author, and I thought maybe she’d like it! Plus, lesbian!” She flipped over the book to reveal the author’s bio on the back.

“She lives in Portland…” Willow said softly to herself, missing the look that Xander and Buffy exchanged. “Well, thank you Dawnie.” She smiled, looking back up at the girl. “Really, it’s very thoughtful, thank you so much.”

Dawn grinned, swelling her chest out and standing up to her full height. “And, ooo, it fits with Xander’s present!” Willow and Buffy both shot a withering look at Xander, and he raised up his hands for protection.

“It’s not like that, really!” He offered before disappearing into the dining room and bringing out a beautifully carved bookcase. “See? Book fits in book case.” He and Dawn looked quite proud of themselves as Willow stood with tears in her eyes. “Xander, it’s beautiful!”

“Really beautiful, Xand.” Buffy smiled, glancing at the chest he had made for her earlier that year.

“It will fit in your room under your window, y’know, the one you wanted something for? And you can put plants on top of it, so they’ll get light. And each of our initials are carved into the trimmings…” He began to point them out as Willow ran her hand along the wood.

“Thank you so much. I love you guys!”

She pulled Dawn and Xander into hug before Buffy pushed her way in on the other side, smiling as she said “Group hug.”

“Happy birthday, Willow.” Dawn chirped happily, her head trapped in the crook of Xander’s arm. Buffy and Xander followed suit in repeating Dawn.

“This is the best birthday ever.” Willow whispered, and the hug got tighter.

Dibs OK Missy re reading to keep up bouncing ball remember hahahahaah I loved the reading it was so special I cant wait to see what happens after. The electricity and fire was flying in that room wow and I mean wow oh and I don't like Faith even if she does get it together

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Dia the spelunker
Never underestimate the powerful love of a good woman
If you were a cave what kind of cave would you be

*gulp*

Nice... poetry. Nectarines and honey, indeed.

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

They found each other again!

They did! They did!

M8BoS is rolling around the table in glee 'cos now Willow knows Tara has been thinking of her. M8BoS thinks that perhaps the book Dawnie gave Willow is Tara's. This might leave a speculating speculator such as myself to believe that Willow probably likes Tara's pseudonym-y poetry (why else would Willow be at the reading)?

I really like the floating time line thing... it imparts a kind of otherworldliness to the time-without-each other. I have felt that way myself about certain periods in my life -- the inbetweens when I have to think about when something happened in relation to the events that occured around them? Don't get me wrong, the dates help me to understand each update in relation to each other *shrug*. Aww hell, I don't know what i am saying. Point being, I still am not having a problem following, and, to be honest, I don't really think it needs to be linear. There is the time they met, and the time they meet again and all the stuff in between.

Anyway. I particularly liked the Faith re-encounter. I am glad Faith has cleaned up her act. Also, I have squeals in my heart, I am looking forward to the next update and thinking of nectarines and honey.

Great job, as ever.

db

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I am, you know.

Okay, had to re-read just to get some things straight.

Well, it seems they did finally find each other again, but it took a looong time. I mean, Willow got the book and found out Tara was in Portland, but she didn't get to see her again until like 5 years later. Man, there's got to be a lot of other stuff that happened during that time. I'm really curious why she didn't try to find her before then, or did she, and it didn't work out? Guess I'll have to wait and see.

I'm glad to see Faith got her shit together. Can't wait to see how their talk goes, especially since Faith seems to have kind of a jealous partner. Who would've guessed that Faith has settled down. Wow, she really has changed.

Glad to see their meeting, and Tara's poem left no doubt that she has been thinking of Willow after all these years. Oh yeah, Tara reading her erotic poetry was quite a nice visual too.

Can't wait to be filled in on more years in between.


Wimpy

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Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara