She's my always
Part 41 Kittens, the start of Family which (including the offscreen aftermath has lots of parts.) As I have done before (notably for NMR) I have used the script for the structure of much of this inserting the background thoughts and extra bits where I thought appropriate.
Also I hope there are no Donny fans out there. You won't like the next few parts. Though somehow I doubt that there are.
Also the cliff hanger... not much of a cliff as EVERYONE knows. More a small bump.
Katharyn
-------------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle Tell Me A Story (Part 41)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes.
katharynrosser@hotmail.comSpoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to Family which I then proceed to rip the guts out of. Due to the fact that No Place Like Home is directly followed by that episode there is no direct W/T tie in fic for NPLH. Though there are lots for Family so that should do you.
Summary: The first of the Family stories. This one just trying to show where I believe Tara is when the episode begins.
Disclaimer: I still dont own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This, like much of the parts which follow, is based around Taras point of view. I would like to play with Willow but you will appreciate the difficulties of her not knowing what is wrong so her PoV is limited.
I am, and will be, ripping the guts out of this episode and frequently using the transcript held at
http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ for both reference and to insert the lines from the script correctly into the fic. All credit to them and the original writers for these wonderful building blocks. As such most of the spoken lines are from the episode. Only the thoughts in between are my creation as are the bits of scenes that occur outside of those scripted.
Thanks To: Dear Kerry for saying yes. Okay so it wasn't a proposal or anything but it was nice to get a yes anyway. L you got me babe.
The Beginnings Cycle
Tell Me a Story
By
Katharyn Rosser
Miss Kitty, as usual, was going wild over the ball of yarn that she had purloined from Taras sewing box. How the young cat got into there always seemed to be a mystery, or magic perhaps. The box had a firm latch that had been secured ever since Miss Kitty had discovered the source of endless fun that was string. It was dangerous though they only let her play with that when they were there otherwise Miss Kitty would be a very poorly kitty indeed. The rest of the time it was the catnip impregnated ball for the little cat. Somehow though it didnt seem the same as yarn.
Tell me a story. Willow said to her lover as the scrabbles continued from below them.
Okay. Once upon a time, there was, um ... a kitty. She was very little, and she was all alone, and nobody wanted her. You take inspiration from where you can find it, realised Tara, and Miss Kitty could be very inspiring indeed. Just like Willow.
This is a very upsetting story, Willow told her, disappointed by the tone already. Seeing Miss Kitty at the pound had been bad enough when they had gone there to find their perfect little cat. The last of a litter that had been split up by a half dozen other caring families. The runt, they had been told, and all alone when they had seen her. No one left to play with.
Oh, oh, but it gets better. Well it would. When Tara had thought it up. She had no interest in sad stories. Not anymore. Stories, like life, were definitely best when they were happy ones. Cause one day the kitty was running around in the street and a man came, and swooped her up... Keep going Miss Kitty. Tell me what to do next.
Tara swooped the young cat up from the side of the bed and into her waiting lap. And took her to the pound. This wasnt sounding much fun though. In the cartoons the cats and dogs didnt like to be taken to the pound, seeing Sunnydale pound she could understand why. Maybe if this was a happy pound with lots of new friends
And at the pound there were lots of other kitties, and there were puppies, and some ferrets... she continued filling it out. All sorts of things that you would expect, but no friends for the kitty. She didnt make friends easily.
Were there dolphins? Willow smiled as she asked, concerned about the exclusion policy that the pound seemed to be operating against marine creatures.
Yes. Many dolphins at the pound, Tara reassured her. After all why should the pound be any different from real life. There were all sorts of strange things out there. Things you wouldnt expect in places you wouldnt expect them either. Friends. Love.
Or was there a camel? Willow pursued the point as Tara handed Miss Kitty over to her.
Tara thought about that, There was the front of a camel. A half camel. Just when was the other half of the camel going to come along then and make it complete? Maybe a little later. After all the kitty had just got there. You couldnt rush the other half of a camel. There was the whole walking with just back legs problem and it took time to be complete.
Willow clasped the cat to her, stroking, cuddling and scratching. Did the kitty get chosen by some nice people? That was all she needed to know.
Well, now you ruined the ending. Or she would have done if Tara had known what the ending was. But she thought that it was happy. It had to be a happy ending or what was the point. And that involved good people. Nice people. One way or another.
Mmm... Willow purred. Miss Kitty it seemed was not much into purring. She was still too hyper and darted off after the yarn as soon as Willow gave her half an exit. I'm sleepy.
Do you mind if I keep the light on? I was gonna look up some spells, Tara told her intending to confirm what she had believed. That if the worst happened then she was ready. Just a little more to be certain of that. Just to make sure that nothing could go wrong.
It's fine, Willow pouted. I don't need to be snuggled.
Tara smiled back at her lover. Vixen! Still why not? She piled the books on the floor. She had time. They had time. Time enough for a little research. Time enough for them. It might be very soon now, but at least it wasn't the end of the story. It was just a new chapter and all the best stories had happy endings.
You've been spell gal night and day lately, the reclining woman observed wondering what was suddenly driving Tara. Of course their activities had cut into the spell time. That was sort of inevitable. They had started doing spells out of curiosity. Carried on because they wanted to be together and then let it fade a little in importance when they had found other things to do together. Like now. They just kept getting distracted. Shame.
Well, I just wanna keep up with you, and I'm ... well, I just like to be useful. You know, to the gang? she noticed Willow looking upset at that. I just ... never ... feel useful. That wasn't all it was though. She had been making her plans, just in case. You never knew how the story would turn out. And there was the other thing keeping up with Willow was more and more important. For both of them.
You are. Youre essential.
How can I argue with that? Tara smiled and got under the covers with her wonderful woman. A new chapter didnt sound so bad. She turned off the light and prepared to snuggle. It was just the turn of a page.
As long as it was still the same story.
-----------
Okay. Guys, now remember, you have to be at the Bronze by eight, Willow reminded all the assembled Scoobs now she had managed to shoo Tara out Scoobs and hangers on she thought glancing at Anya, but excluding her own love from the description.
Bronze. Buffy was obviously not getting it all. Had they made plans?
Tomorrow night! Tara's birthday! How could anyone not know that? She had been looking forward to it for so long that she couldnt believe that anyone could have missed her babbling in the subject. Lots of babble. Lots and lots.
Right! Right. Buffy replied, tried to pretend it had just slipped her memory.
We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing? Anya queried Xander, proud of having picked that up when he nodded.
At least Anya got it. She may not have remembered it, thought Willow,but she had got it and seemed enthusiastic. But then those two, Tara and Anya, thick as thieves some times. They could go for weeks barely saying a word and the next thing you knew they were whispering and giggling, looking at each others partners and giggling. Willow knew that Xander was as unhappy with the probable causes of those giggles as she was. Tara never giggled. She had a lovely laugh. But giggles
I got something ... picked out, yeah, Xander suggested.
Willow wasn't convinced. Xander had forgotten. You-you guys can all still come, right? I mean, I know there's ... this new evil and all, but... They had to come. It was Taras birthday a time to show just how much we all love her. And I get to put her in a party hat.
And later on I can give her a present.
No, no. We'll be there. I could definitely use a break from all this craziness.
-----------
Stupid Stupid, stupid, stupid. Taglarin mythic rites?! What the heck was I thinking? Even Giles and Willow had not got that one. First rule of telling jokes Tara, what is it?
I dont know no one ever told me, the voice inside replied. Im not big into jokes.
Guess.
Make sure that your audience understands the subject?
Or at least has some vague clue what you are talking about anyway. It was kind of important if you wanted them to get it all and not think that you were just plain weird. Or plain and weird.
The first rule of telling jokes isnt trying to fit in?
No.
And not trying to sound funnier than you are?
No.
And youre really not a funny person are you?
No.
She lugged the box full of clothes down along the hallway heading for the car. At least she could be useful to them in a box carrying capacity, even if not as light entertainment. There was not much that could go wrong carrying a box, alone and without anyone to stun with your glaring inability to amuse them. It might even be a problem of language. Coming to Sunnydale, it had been like a whole big culture shock. Probably because there wasn't a great deal of culture back where she had grown up. And also because in Sunnydale you didnt have to tell jokes to be funny.
You shared humorous experiences. You said things in an amusing way. You were just yourself. And if yourself didnt happen to be a funny person? Well then maybe you should not work so hard at trying to be. Nobody expected Xander to be able to float pencil did they? So no one expects me to be funny. I can just be Tara.
That was actually a happy thought, she realised as she rounded the stairs and caught the box on the banister post, almost dropping Buffys clothes. She wondered again what could go wrong with carrying a box? How long has it been since I have been content with who I am? Even with what I might be tomorrow. She couldnt for the life of her think what might have given her that peace.
Oh yeah, maybe she could.
Willow.
She grinned to herself and probably looked a bit weird to the students she passed going the other way on the stairs. No not weird. Kooky. She could live with Kooky. But nice. Everyone seemed to think she was nice. Everyone agreed on that. Tara was nice. Nice was good. Nice was better than... well not being nice whatever that might be.
Still it would be nice to be thought of as funny. Just a little. Just once. Not like the Three Stooges or anything slapstick. Slapstick would probably be more of a slap and less of the stick. But funny yeah. A little amusing. Maybe even witty. It would be good to tickle someones fancy other than Willows. Now there was a joke. Not one she was going to tell.
Maybe if I explained the reflection thing to them? And a bit of the Taglarin rites? Just enough for them to get it. Or not.
The joke probably wasn't worth the two hours of explanation that would be needed. Maybe Willow, Mr Giles or Anya would get it. Dawny would probably be interested, but her attention would wander whilst I explained it. Anybodys would. Maybe, if they could just understand the reflection. It wasn't like they had to really understand much about the insect aspect just the reflection and what part the mirror played. It was the mirror that made it funny.
Though if they didnt understand the insect aspect they could get it mixed up with the Eagle and that would just be well crude and rude. Not the effect she was looking for at all. Crude and rude did not sit well on her, much like slapstick. Though Willow could sit on her and be rude. She smiled again, almost bursting out laughing and this time she definitely got a questioning look from a passer-by. They probably wouldnt get it though. Another joke that probably wasn't worth telling. Though Xander might be interested in it, he displayed a casually fascinated interest in their goings on but mainly as a running joke. See that was funny.
But now she had more pressing things on her mind than humour. It was getting closer. The dreaded day. She had been waiting for it in fear for so long that it was almost getting to be a relief to be here. She knew that something was up. Something was already happening that concerned her
Willow was planning something. Maybe even a party.
Oh by the goddess. Not a surprise party.
She wasnt good with surprise parties. So much Im not good at. Back home every birthday was supposed to be a surprise party. Kind of an anti-climax after a few years, being as you knew exactly what was coming. Each and every year. Each and every birthday in the house. One less candle each time, for her at least, on the cake. Count down. Guess how many years you have left Tara? Great Donny, I know how to count and isnt that a cheery thought. Though he had learnt to make a pretty good cake just so he could decorate it probably and pull the same candle joke each and every year. Still it seemed to cheer him up and there wasnt much beside the misery of others that did that. That and his horse.
So he had a two track mind. Whod have thought he could manage two tracks? She smiled again but unobserved.
The last actual surprise that shed had at a party was when their mother had passed out and landed face down in the cake. It had seemed funny at the time. Everyone had laughed. Because no one knew any different. But then she didnt get up from there. It had been the next day at the hospital that it had all come out. The illness and the fact that she had been fighting the symptoms and ignoring the pain for so long that she had a poor chance of coming through.
Two more birthdays had passed before she was actually gone, the last was celebrated in hospital. It had been a surprise for her. She had done so well just to get that far. Two fewer candles for Tara, even then Donny hadnt quit with that. It was a tradition.
Well she was just about to find that she had no candles left on that particular cake. Willow was plotting. She was pretty sure that her lover had been talking to people behind her back, plotting her surprise. The Scoobies were just the latest though Tara couldnt really imagine who else might even be interested in coming. It wasn't like she had a roomful of friends was it? Unless it was a pretty small room. That might work. Willow was just too excitable to keep something like that a secret. She couldnt stop herself giving little hints not deliberately, most of the time, but hints nonetheless. And when Tara had tested her, suggesting that she had booked a table in a restaurant Willows face had dropped through the floor so fast that she had been forced to back off and suggest a quiet night in instead. Which Willow had leapt on as it left her free to pursue her plans.
Yup something definitely was going on.
And besides Willow kept sending her on little errands. Do you want to take the box down Tara? Could you go get me a packet of cookies? That I wont eat but will feed to Xander and Anya when they come round. Still it was best to play along. It seemed to make Willow so happy to have her plans and plots. She wasn't good at it, but Willow seemed to love a life of conspiracy. More than that her love was revelling in it. For herself Tara could have done with a quiet night in. This was never a birthday that she had intended actually celebrating. Hiding from at one time yeah, but not the celebration thing.
She just hoped that no one jumped up from behind anything. You could hurt someone doing that. Donny had cracked his head on a lamp one year and they had spent the rest of her birthday in the emergency room and the next day cleaning up the blood from the carpet. And the next week running around after Donny who was feigning weakness and getting her to do all his chores. Happy Birthday Tara!
No, no jumping up thank you very much.
Still when was the last time she had thought of Donny? Not for a while. It had been a while since they had spoken. Daddy too. She had used to call them, to have someone to talk to as much as out of any sense of family duty. But then she had found someone else to talk to. And laugh with. And hug. And love. Family seemed to have fallen by the wayside. She would have to ring them tomorrow though to thank them for the cards that she was sure were on the way even if Willow hadnt collected and hidden them from her. All part of the plot... Either that or everyone had forgotten. Which would be good too.
She got the box to the car and struggled to hold it beneath one arm, balancing an edge on the trunk whilst fumbling with the door, missing what would have been a familiar vehicle, a camper going over the crossroads at the end of the street.
She dumped the box, pushed it right over the other end of the seat and shut the door again wondering if it was safe to go back up there yet or would Willow need more time? She headed back, if Willow couldnt plot in the time she had available to her then she didnt deserve to pull it off. It might be fun though, she thought to herself, to do the whole Scooby social thing. It had been a while hadnt it? It was kind of like the whole joke telling thing trying to get involved. Being a Scooby. Really being one.
She had to try that. To try to belong.
Not for Willow anymore but because she wanted to be part of something bigger than the two of them. If there was such a thing. And there had to be more to it than just slaying vampires and demons. Like they kept saying after slaying comes the party. Well maybe there didnt have to be slaying first. Maybe you could just party. Maybe the slaying would come after the party. It would be refreshing to have a change. Of course it might even be better to not have any slaying at all.
With an attitude she could probably be the Scooby Social Secretary.
Or not, they might not enjoy the field trips to observe the Taglarin mythic rites.
------------
It had taken a while, but less time than she had thought to explain the joke to Willow. It had probably helped that Willow had more than a basic grounding in mythic rites and was quick study anyway. She could compare things to stuff that Willow already knew and eventually was rewarded with a laugh.
When it, the laugh, dragged on though she thought that she was being humoured by Willow just a little. But she didnt mind that. It was kind of Willows job to make her feel better. And vice versa. That was what they did for each other. Part of it anyway. Willow wasn't the true test of the joke anyway. If you gave a joke that big a build up then the punch line had to be pretty good. This one wasnt a screamer anyway. But it was all her own work.
Not quite up to the standard of Willowhand which was all Willows own work but it was hers.
Her insect reflection. That is so good, Willow reassured her again.
Maybe it was. Maybe Willow really had found it funny. Maybe I am a comic genius. Oh yeah and Im stuck in a nervous person who cant tell a joke. Then she decided to break the second rule of telling jokes. Dont tell someone how you came up with it. It shouldnt be necessary if they got it. Besides then they could steal it for themselves and you had to keep an eye on your material. After all she wouldnt want her lover showing off Willowhand to any Tracy, Diane or Helen.
Not very likely was it?
And, oh yeah, like anyone was going to retell that joke anyway. Ever. Not even the Taglarin mystics would have bothered with that one. They stepped into the shop and found the gang all there, full research mode seemingly in progress. Guess its time to drop the comedy act and get down to it. After she had made Willow understand where it had come from. I just thought that'd be funny, you know, if her centre of power was-
The gang and
Whatta you know, Donny greeted her.
She stopped dead in her tracks. The laughter stopped dead in her throat. Trapped behind the huge frog that had taken up residence in her alarm. Willow didnt like frogs.
Frog fear.
She had to get rid of the frog.
Later she wouldnt be able to remember what had come first. The shock of seeing him or hearing his voice. The whole thing would be a terrible blur. He was here. Really here. In Sunnydale. Far from home. That was what this place was supposed to be far from home. Sort of the point. But he was here anyway.
What's the matter? You don't have a hug for your big brother? Donny asked her.
It was out that frog and hopping around her feet confusing her. She just hoped that Willow wouldnt notice it and run away. She would need her now. She didnt have the chance to get him out of there, away from the people that she shouldnt be talking to him in front of. He might say anything at all. He would too. Donny had the tact of a half-eaten donut and very little inclination to use it.
And when was the last time they had hugged? He had cursed her the last time they had seen each other. When she left home to come here. He had called her selfish. Told her she was evil. Not even that she would be but that she was
Why would they hug? Because he was trying to be nice?
Why was he trying?
What did he want with her?
Your evil Tara. Thats what he had whispered to her as she got in the camper to be brought here.
She didnt believe that. Not anymore. But if he believed that, then why would he want to hug her?
Why was he here?
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Willow: (to Tara) I could heal.
Tara: (to Willow)And were gone.
Part 42 Kittens... starting to get depressing again but what can I do... I am working inside someone elses genius.
Katharyn
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – The Greatest Trick (Part 42)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome.
katharynrosser@hotmail.comSpoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “Family.”
Summary: Second of the Family stories directly following on from the end of Part 41. The Maclays are here. Once more Tara’s PoV with a little Willow thrown in for good measure. I haven’t forgotten about her honest!
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: I am, and will be, ripping the guts out of this episode and frequently using the transcript held at
http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ for both reference and to insert the lines correctly into the script. All credit to them and the original writers for these wonderful building blocks.
The title (of course!) refers to a line from Bryan Singers “The Usual Suspects.” It goes something like this “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Kind of what Tara comes to have in mind when all else fails.
Once again apologies to the Donny fans… but I just don’t like him!
Thanks To: That wacky gal in the elf suit. L… what can I say? Sorry.
The Beginnings Cycle
The Greatest Trick
By
Katharyn Rosser
Tara knew that she wasn’t hiding her shock very well. Surprise was all very well but now she was obviously worrying Willow. Perhaps, though, Willow should be worried as she looks at me, she thought. I’m terrified and it’s because he’s here. Donny.
‘Brother?’ Willow asked.
Willow knew of course that she had a brother. She’d mentioned him. Hadn’t she mentioned him? She was sure that she had told Willow all about him and how they had never got on, as brothers and sisters could be known to do, but now she couldn’t remember actually doing that. Actually saying the words. What had she said? He was here. What had she told Willow?
What had he told the others? She risked a glance at the Scoobies sat around Mr Giles’s table, books piled before them. I should be helping, she worried to herself. Not bothering them with my family. But, hey, not exactly my choice is it? The Scoobies were just looking on. Not angry. Not mad at having being deceived by her. Not concerned for their friend Willow. Just curious.
He’s here.
And they still don’t know what I am. There was still a chance. Still time to make this right. Once they actually were told, or found out then there would have been next to no chance for her. Next to… because there was a way, but messing with their memories? She wouldn’t even have tried that. The warnings, the descriptions of what could go wrong were vividly clear. She knew how it could be done… in theory. She could try to erase what they might have known from their minds – or at least hidden it from them. But it would have been too dangerous. For all of them and she wouldn’t have done that… not even for Willow. Especially not to Willow, but not even to stay with her would she have done that. Not actually risk causing harm. But a harmless appeal to Cadria… With Donny here there might be no choice. She had thought that she might be able to control it… hold it at bay and not have to ask Cadria for her help. Now though…
But there was still time.
‘Willow, this is-is Donny.’ Her voice was letting her down. You see Donny, you see what you do to me? How you make me feel? And you just love that don’t you? Why don’t you just get out of here and leave me be?
All of that she wanted to scream at him, to make him go away. Instead she just waited for Willow to say hello. Or “hey.” No one in Sunnydale said hello. Except occasionally Mr Giles. It was like it wasn’t in the dictionary of greetings.
At least Willow was here. Taking the lead, going forward to meet Donny. If she hadn’t been there. Between them she might have…
…launched herself at him and torn his eyes out to throw into the cauldron…
… that she didn’t actually own. And launching herself? Far more likely to end up in an embarrassed heap at his feet, if she was lucky after bouncing off his broad chest. If she were unlucky she would have missed entirely.
‘Hi,’ Willow said, offering Donny her hand.
Tara actually winced as Donny took it. How dare he touch her Willow. What right did he have? How could Willow bear to touch him anyway? How could she given what he was? Because he’s my brother and Willow didn’t know any better… yet. Donny would probably see to it that she would though. Never one to hide his light under a bushel. What was a bushel anyway? It sounded like something biblical.
Like a plague of frogs. Willow would love that too.
He actually smiled, and it wasn't one of his nasty calculating one’s either. Not that it was outright pleasant. She wasn't sure Donny had ever done pleasant – he was her older brother after all and even if there had been nothing else then there was that. Older brothers just aren’t pleasant. ‘Nice to meet you,’ he said to Willow.
‘And, uh, these are my-my friends.’ If that wasn’t overstating the case - but they didn’t leap up and say that they weren’t, so big plus there. What was I going to say to him though? That I was living vicariously through someone else’s friends?
‘What, uh, all of you hang out? Wow. That's more people than you met in high school.’
Ain’t that the truth Donny? It might even be a compliment of a sort. When he hit her on the arm it was a lot better than the last time he had done that. Back when they had been trying to give each other dead arms. He had always been so much stronger that he always won that unpleasant game and, though trying not to be outdone, she hadn’t even bruised him. Ever. Never let it be said that Donny wasn’t an equal opportunity sibling. He’d have beaten the heck out of her as soon as he would have any brother.
‘How did you fi - I, I mean, how come you came?’ A telling slip? Not exactly subtle was it… How did you find me? Sort of like admitting that I was hiding… or wanted to.
‘Well, duh, birthday girl. Uh, we came down in the camper, been all over the campus.’
Then Donny had never been great at picking up on subtlety had he? But… ‘We?’
Willow turned around at the same time she did hearing the door open. Briefly their eyes met and she fancied that there was some sympathy there. Sympathy for the devil? Willow had no idea what she had to be sympathetic about. Only child that she was… and the rest.
Because I never told her. I never really told her anything that mattered to me. Other than I love her more than I could ever have made her understand and…
Oh.
Daddy and Beth. Beth she was almost glad to see… Daddy too if this had not been when it was. But it was now. Today. The day before.
‘Look what I found!’ Donny crowed as if he had won a prize. Maybe he had, Daddy was always having to bribe him with candy or as he got older a beer. It seemed to help.
‘Uh, Dad, hi.’ What else was there to say as she made her way over to him. It was good to see him. It was just a surprise. And a sight she could have done without… for a few more days at least, just until she was sure and had taken steps. It would all be so much harder now. If she could get away with it at all. She’d never been good at getting away with stuff with Daddy around.
‘Well, here's my girl.’
The hug was awkward. Her mother had been the tactile one in the family. That and Donny’s occasional fist during a fight. But it had been so long since she had seen him that she had to try and get him to. ‘S-such a s-surprise,’ she finally managed. What I have to avoid “s’s” now?
‘Yes,’ Donny replied, seemingly happily. He knew something. She was sure of that. He knew what was going on. Why they were here. And if Donny was happy then it was probably not a good thing for her all in all.
‘Cousin Beth.’ It had been even longer since she had seen Beth. Considering Uncle Bret lived just a couple of miles from the Maclay house and they were about the same age it was peculiar… though totally understandable… how they had not been together more as children. Bret had stronger views than Daddy about… her kind.
‘Hey,’ Beth replied. She sounded happy too. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as it could be. With Beth here she might have a supporter. A family supporter.
‘One of your dorm-mates said I might ... find you here,’ Mr Maclay explained.
There was the touch of condemnation in his voice. Subtle, but Daddy was far, far better at that than his son had ever been. He wouldn’t cause offence not here in front of others. But he would hint to those who knew him. He would condemn. What else could this shop be when it was called “The Magic Box”? Good for Mr Giles’s sales and advertsising. Bad for me now. It wasn’t like Daddy had forbade her to practice magic… but she knew what his feelings were on the subject. And had ignored those feelings, because I was safely away from home.
I’ve let him down already and he has only been here a minute or so. ‘Oh. Oh, um,’ What to say? ‘These are, these are friends. Um, this is Mr. Giles, um, he runs the shop.’ Responsible adult presence which was good. Besides Mr Giles was hovering. Protectively? Maybe. That was nice of him if it were so. But why would she need protection from her family?
She suddenly worried that she hadn’t explained Willow as anything more than another friend and wished that her love could hear her silent apology. Not that there was probably any need. Willow wasn't petty about stuff like that, bless her for it. They had both sometimes hidden what they were to each other at times when it was tough to say. And Ira and Sheila still didn’t know…
‘How do you do?’ Mr Giles asked.
That was good. Adult role-model authority figure. See Daddy I’m not completely out of control and he’s English and you know how they are – very proper. Very controlled and disciplined.
‘Pleasure. Well, I, I don't mean to interrupt your plans, I know we've come on you kind of suddenly, but I thought we could have dinner,’ Mr Maclay replied to Mr Giles and then totally ignored him, turning back to his daughter.
It wasn’t really a thought, or a request. She knew an order when she heard it. No matter how nicely put. She resisted the automatic urge to respond with a “Yes, sir,” and settled for ‘Okay.’ Kind of sounded like she had a choice didn’t it? She hoped so. She wouldn’t want Willow and the others to get the right impression right away. That was just how a lot of families were. There was respect and discipline. And he had come all this way… it wasn't fair to think things like that. He came here for her. On her birthday.
‘Why don't I pick you up at six, And we'll ...do some catching up,’ he announced looking over at her friends.
Reflex took over this time. ‘Yes, sir.’ He had probably made up his mind about them with that look. Unsuitable. Especially if they were the sort of person who hung out in a place like this. And the responsible authority figure from England… didn’t he own it? And everyone knew the Brits were a bit weird.
‘Forgive me for running out. We're double-parked.’ With that he turned to go as Tara watched him. What did they really want? She’d find out at dinner. Did they have to have an ulterior motive? Might they just be here for her birthday? Well of course… but what part of the birthday were they interesting. The celebration of the old or the start of the new?
‘Nice to meet you all,’ Donny added as he left. By the goddess he was really trying to be… nice. It just didn’t sit well on him at all. She needed Willow. Just to be near her. Just in her presence.
-------
‘That's so weird. Your ... whole family,’ Willow told Tara, not that she really knew that much about Tara’s family. Somehow the subject had never come up that much. And when it had… Tara had dropped it like a stone. She’d thought it was just reluctance to talk about her Mother that inhibited Tara. Maybe this was why though. Maybe they just didn’t get on. Donny seemed friendly enough though.
‘Yeah,’ Tara replied.
There was something strange though about her love. Something out of place. Nervous, a little fearful. Shocked. Maybe she thought they were going to make a big birthday fuss. I hope, Willow thought, that they don’t want to have a party tomorrow night. That would really spoil things. Maybe I could invite them along. Might be nice to get to know them… the in-laws and all. Wow, they’re like in-laws. I should make with the nice. Even if they don’t know.
‘They seem nice,’ she added, trying to show Tara that they had made a good impression. I mean, sure, they were probably as nervous as Tara was. Tara had always been a bit of a loner, maybe she got that from them, maybe her family was the same. Maybe they don’t like being amongst new people – or at least didn’t do it much that can be tough.
‘You know, they-they're okay. Families are always-’ Tara broke off.
‘They make you crazy.’ Understanding Willow completed the sentence. After all her mother had tried to have her burnt at the stake. You didn’t get much crazier than that.
‘Usually. Wanna get into research mode?’
‘Sure,’ Willow replied, reassured that Tara was okay, just a bit weirded out. But she was okay at least and Willow was happy when Tara took her hand during the research, just holding it.
-------------
Tara hadn’t been able to think at all during the research, excusing herself before anyone else, pleading that she needed to get ready for her dinner, which at least allowed Willow to feel that she didn’t have to leave too. There was important stuff for the Scoobies to find out. Far bigger than her piddly troubles. And she did have to prepare. She really did. She had to think of what to say. What to wear. What to tell Daddy about… everything. Her choice of friends… or at least the friends she had acquired through Willow. Being in a place called The Magic Box. Willow… of course Willow. She had to make sure that he knew that she was happy here. He deserved to know that… besides it might help when it came to the other. The real reason that he must have been here. That must be it… why else? Two hours reading through Hasterd’s Demon Compendium and all that had learnt was that her family weren’t just here for her birthday.
The only question was just that if the demon within her was the reason then how far did he want to take it? What were her father’s intentions towards her?
It was these thoughts that had preoccupied her on the walk back to her dorm. That still dominated her mind as she entered her room. And there would be no respite. He was there. Waiting for her. He always had been. Waiting for this, just as he had been told he would have to one day. But that day… that day was still tomorrow. Not today. A whole day… a whole day yet. Twenty-four hours.
But he didn’t look happy as he inspected her things. If she had known…
If I had known I might not even have been here. I would have locked my door.
‘The door wasn't locked. I was a little early.’ He looked around sceptically. ‘I suppose you ... wanted me to see all these...’ he held a crystal in his hands, ‘toys.’ Then put it down. But carefully, respectfully. ‘You don't even try to hide it any more. I'd hoped maybe you'd gotten over the whole witchcraft thing.’
He sounded disappointed more than anything. That she hadn’t gotten over it? That his liberal experiment had failed. The admission alone had surprised her, but then he had tolerated her being taught Wicca by her mother… because he had loved his wife so much. Perhaps he had just realised that you couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle.
Bad metaphor.
‘That if we let you go,’ he continued ‘you'd ... get it out of your system.’ He put his hands in his pockets.
He never, ever did that. Hand in pockets. That was a sign of idleness. Pockets were places to keep things and not hands. He was that uncomfortable in here? Did he think that he might be contaminated by it all? Did he fear it? Or was he that uncomfortable with her? That defensive?
Was he afraid? For her? Of her?
‘Then they told me to look for you in ... that store.’
That wasn’t defensive. That was disgust. Disappointment. Accusing. Requiring an explanation without even asking the question. At least Donny wasn't here to revel in her discomfort.
‘I didn't - I, I didn't kn-know that you were coming.’ That wasn't an answer and she knew it. It was an admission that she knew he would have been disappointed. It was a suggestion that if she had known she would have tried to deceive him. And it was admitting that she knew what she had being doing was wrong. He wouldn’t miss that.
‘Of course we came.’
Of course they came. They were her family. She knew that he was going to say it.
‘We haven't heard from you in months. Your birthday's getting closer and closer. You know what that means,’ he completed as if stating the obvious.
And it was obvious. She knew what her birthday meant to him. This was when she should be telling him what it meant to her… that it was just the anniversary of the day she was born, but she couldn’t say it. He was going to take her away. She knew it deep down. Unless I find a way… ‘I don't think it's...’ she started before the pain stripped of her ability to form a coherent sentence. That and the fear of defying his beliefs. ‘It, it won't mean that-’ But it would. He believed it and when had he ever been wrong?
‘You're turning twenty. It's the same age your mother was when she... Do your friends even know?’
‘Y-yes,’ she lied quietly but of course he could see it. He had always been able to. Her or Donny. Neither had ever got away with an untruth in his presence. Maybe there was something of the talent in him… but she would never suggest it.
‘Are you lying to me?’
Looking down was her only reply, fearing that he would be angry. She couldn’t deal with anger as well as this reasoning.
‘Tara, you're coming home with us. You know it's the only way.’
‘Home?’ There, he had said the word. Home. She had thought that this was home. It felt like it. Wasn’t home where you felt at home. With a person you loved and who loved you? Seemingly not. Not to him. Perhaps he had forgotten that… it had been… too long… since his wife had died. Her mother.
‘You can't control what's going to happen,’ he told her almost sympathetically.
He sounded understanding. It was all so reasonable. Her mother – his wife – she had controlled it though. She had managed it. Unless he had seen a side to his wife that Tara had never seen herself then… she had always controlled it somehow. But how could she say that? How could she bring her dead mother into it?
‘You have evil inside of you and it will come out. And letting yourself work all this magic is only going to make it worse. Where do you think that power comes from?’ he asked her.
A logical question that she could not answer logically. ‘It ... it doesn't feel evil ... sir.’
‘Evil never does,’ he said.
That was the truth, she looked down not wanting to meet his eyes. Not wanting to see the sympathy there… but fearing that maybe there wouldn’t be any anyway. She didn’t want his pity unless it would allow her to stay. And feeling like that how could she cope with it if there was no pity at all. Because then she would have no chance.
‘I don't feel much like eating right now.’ He walked past her towards the door. ‘I'll give you some time, but we need to be gone by morning.’
Morning. Was that all that she had? Till morning? He had stolen a big chunk of what might be her last day… morning. That was just one night. One last night… Willow…
Willow’s surprise party. Well that would be the surprise. No Tara Maclay… she’s a demon you know. Her family came and took her home to stop her killing you all or turning you into toads. So surprise! Have some cake. Her mind had gone walk about… thinking of the maybe-party… and avoiding what was really at the centre of her despair.
Willow…
She didn’t look back at her father.
‘Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what.’
There he had said it… she had known he would. They always did. She knew that… somehow. That was what they always said. This was the way it always was. How could she go against what had always been? Generations of her ancestors had been through this… and maybe some of them were in love too. Had any of them fought though?
‘How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?’
And he was gone. The door closed softly as she continued to look around the room that had been her home. Her nest. Her place to be with the woman she loved. She hated the fact that he had even violated it. She loved him, but have him here condemning her choices – taking them away from her – that felt like a violation of her self.
But worse, much worse, she hated herself for not having told him what she believed. Or at least had believed. All her life… he had never been wrong about the important stuff. And what was this if not the most important thing in that life.
No.
It was the second most important thing.
She walked over to the crystal that had helped her before. Had helped Willow and looked into it’s facets… but even it looked dark as she silently begged it to help her see a way. Because nothing else could.
------------
‘Hey’ Willow called to her love. Tara was hunched over the crystal, sat staring into it as she had entered the room. Something was up. Tara hadn’t even looked who she was. Preoccupied by whatever it was that she could feel in that crystal matrix of infinite reflections.
‘Hey,’ Tara eventually replied to her, turning.
‘Was dinner fun?’ Dinner with families. Definitely not a cause for celebration if you weren’t expecting to see them. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe there were bigger problems with the family than she had guessed. How could she know? Tara never said too much about them.
Tara, standing up, just nodded.
Oh dear.
Willow tried to be bright and cheerful. ‘Well, there's Scoobyage afoot. Giles called a meeting about our spankin' new menace.’ Not exactly bright and cheerful news was it? Wow, listen up we have a bright and spanking new thing that could end the world. Again. We guess. Because we just don’t know. Let’s all trot over to Giles’s and here him tell us that. That’ll be fun.
‘Oh ... y-you should go, they don't need me for that. You can fill me in.’
Tara had been so into the whole Scooby thing recently so why…? ‘No, no, you have to come. This demon chick is supposed to be really powerful, and I was thinking. Maybe we could try that, that spell, you know, the one to find demons?’ For some reason that didn’t seem to help. Tara had been a touch reluctant the last time they had tried it, but they had come so far since then. They were way better now than they had been back then. Besides if we can find her, we’ll know where to go to get our asses kicked. Self-service 24-7.
‘That didn't work,’ Tara told her.
‘Yeah ... but we only tried it once, and I-I think I got some ingredients wrong.’ Okay so that was not totally true. The ingredients were pretty clear, but it had just been the once. And in Sunnydale, for people who hunted demons that could be a really useful spell. Course it might just show up every vampire in town too and that would kind of blur the map. But they could try.
‘Well, I-I'm tired. Maybe we can do it tomorrow?’
Or not. This could really help, but sure if Tara didn’t want too. Maye she could use a little comfort. A snuggle maybe. ‘You sure you don't wanna-’
‘Look, my family's here, okay, I can't just-’ Tara broke off from what she was saying, perhaps thinking of how best to put it. ‘Not everything is about your friends and stuff.’
Ohhh what’s wrong baby? That was what she wanted to say… but she was shocked. Tara had so rarely snapped. So rarely declined to help. So rarely asserted herself and what she wanted that Willow knew that she had to respect that now even if Tara had misunderstood her offer. Because whatever it was… it was something that seemed very big to Tara even if really it was just an old family problem. ‘Sorry.’ She headed for the door. Wondering if Tara would call her back and confide in her.
‘No! No, I mean...’
Willow turned back…expecting that Tara would hold out her arms and want to be held, would ask her to help make whatever it was go away. She turned back to her love.
‘There's just so much ... going on. It's just ... I'm, I'm really tired.’
And Willow knew that was all she was going to get. But she also knew that it was not her that had done something. And that made it a little better. Now she only had to feel bad for Tara and whatever it was that was giving her wiggins. ‘Okay.’
‘I'll see you in the morning. You can fill me in,’ Tara offered.
‘Great. We'll be demon hunters.’
-----------
“We’ll be demon hunters?” I won’t have to look very far. Tomorrow is the day my love. The day that the goddess will point right at me when we do that damn spell. If I am even here long enough to help.
It was time to take action.
There was no other choice. Not any more. Only with Willow and the others could she stay. She needed them to help her stand up to her family. But they weren’t going to do that when they saw that she had been lying to them… all that time. When Willow discovered that she had betrayed her… with the spell. With concealing the truth. When they saw her true face.
How could Willow love a face like that? Whatever it was really like.
She went back to the books, picked up the one that she had thought offered her the best chance and leafed through it till she found the page. She had the ingredients. She had the knowledge and with everyone she valued at the Scooby meeting… she had the opportunity.
And the motive.
Motive, means and opportunity.
It was going to be a crime. But what choice did she have? It was a crime of the heart.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Willow: (to Tara) I could heal.
Tara: (to Willow)And we’re gone.
Part 43 as promised... You all know where this is going...
--------------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Convincing The World (Part 43)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome.
katharynrosser@hotmail.comSpoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including
Summary: The third of the Family stories. Beth lays into Tara and what resolve Tara had dissolves.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: I am, and will be, ripping the guts out of this episode and frequently using the transcript held at
http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ for both reference and to insert the lines correctly into the script. All credit to them and the original writers for these wonderful building blocks.
As with Part 42 the title (of course!) refers to the line from Bryan Singers “The Usual Suspects.” It goes something like this “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Here’s to convincing…
This part assumes some familiarity with the episode “Family” to keep track of the scene switches but I am guessing that if you are reading this then you are aware of the order of events. If not word for word.
Thanks To: L for accepting that apology… and for the aftermath.
The Beginnings Cycle
Convincing The World
By
Katharyn Rosser
She looked in on them there in the shop. They were all there. All the people she might ever have counted as her friends. All the people who had ever had cause to trust her. And the only person she had ever really, truly, loved outside of her family.
I’m sorry. All of you. I’m sorry.
But I have to… I have no other choice.
‘Blind Cadria, desolate queen, work my will upon them all. Your curse upon them, my obeisance to you.’
She unfurled her fingers from around the dull ingredients she was clasping and they were already reacting to her command. She blew. Ever so gently. It didn’t need much. Just the slightest push to make her safe. A breath that was all. To let her stay here. For them see her as she wanted to be seen rather than as she would be. Satisfied with the result she backed off in to the shadows. She might be satisfied with the result, but the method…
It was a shadowy world that she was going to inhabit. Appearing to be one thing. But really being something else. But at least it could be this world… here. With them all. With Willow. That was worth the trickery?
Not trickery. It was betrayal.
She knew that and the oh-so-familiar tears sprang to her eyes once more as she left them there to their Scooby meeting where they were trying to save the whole world.
And I can only worry about saving myself.
-------------
There was something out there Tara realised as she walked the campus. Perhaps it was something that would come and eat me all up. It’s what I probably deserve anyway. Already she was regretting the spell, had twice considered going back.. lifting it.
But then she thought of Willow… and what choice had she had?
The truth? Sorry honey you’re in love with a demon. Pop round tomorrow and you can see my true face, that’ll be fun. Then you can have a Scooby meeting and figure out how to kill me. Yes I love you too… I know you want to help but you can’t cure it… it’s just who I am.
One side of a conversation that would hurt even more than this betrayal did.
But neither as much as telling Willow that she had to go. It had to have been the right thing. For them. Hang the demon side of her. Hang the betrayal of people she wanted to be her friends. Stuff it all. She had to have Willow in her life.
What was it that was out there? She looked back once more and there was only the darkness.
She looked ahead of her… still the darkness.
Footsteps… coming for her. Demon? Vampire? Mugger? Probably not the latter at least. Light footsteps, not your hulking great demon then who generally didn’t go in for light... or women’s shoes. She turned once more.
Beth. And she’s happy to see me. Someone still likes me then…Someone I haven’t betrayed or cast a spell on.
‘Tara,’ her cousin greeted her.
‘Beth, what are you-’ It’s not safe she was going to say. This is a Hellmouth. Anything might be out here. Anything… like me.
‘I-I was looking for you,’ Beth explained.
That just made it worse. She could imagine explaining it now. Oh Daddy, Beth got attacked whilst she was out looking for me. Why wasn't I at home? Well I was out casting spells on my friends Daddy. Great. ‘I'm sorry we didn't get to have dinner,’ she said. And she was – with Beth at least. Donny would have been obnoxious. Daddy would have been quiet. And I would have been in despair but it might have been nice... just to be together before they left. And now they could go… when the Scoobies and Willow had supported her right to stay – not believing she was a demon. Because they were blinded now to what she was.
‘I just ... wanted to see if everything was okay.’ Beth smiled supportively.
That was great... Beth was concerned for her. Perhaps Beth could see what this was doing to her. What she might lose. She smiled back… glad that someone was concerned for her. No one else was… mainly because they didn’t know anything was wrong. But just to have someone worry about her – who knew what was going on. To have someone on her side. That was more than just good. Someone who she could tell things to. How she felt… she hadn’t been able to talk about it all. All this time it had been bottled up, not even able to tell Willow.
Especially not Willow.
‘See if you needed any help with anything,’ Beth continued. ‘Packing.’
Why would she…? Oh no. Beth thought… And why wouldn’t she? I never told her? I never told any of them that I can’t go home. What do they expect if I haven’t told them? Stupid… I should have let them know. But would it have really made any difference? She felt the smile drop from her face unconsciously. But she could tell Beth. Of any of her family, Beth she could tell. Beth might help her tell Daddy and once he accepted it then… Donny would fall into line. ‘Beth, I'm not, I'm n-not coming back with you.’
‘You're not?’ Beth sounded surprised.
Maybe she had never even considered it. Maybe I should have let them know that I was happy. That I was in love. They would have understood then. Beth will get it though. She’d had a boyfriend for a long time now… she knew what love did to you. The wacky thing. ‘I-I don't think so.’ I don’t think so? I know so… And now Beth knew too. She felt better for having said it and now she would just have to explain. Beth would get it and they could make everything all right.
‘You ... selfish bitch!’ The surprise was gone. Beth’s voice was filled with pure condemnation. Bitter rancour.
‘What?!’ She had never heard Beth swear in her life. That in itself was a shock… but the bitterness. The denunciation… that was worse. Without Beth… what chance was there? Willow and the others might not be enough. Beth had to see too. She needed someone on her side. If I just explain…
‘You don't care the slightest bitty bit about your family, do you? Your dad's been worried sick about you every day since you've been gone. There's a, a house that needs taking care of ... Donny and your dad having to do for themselves while you're down here living god knows what kind of lifestyle,’ Beth was almost shouting.
She’d never thought of all that. All the other reasons why she had to go back. – it wasn't just what she was… it was what the family needed. Beth was right she’d been selfish not to think of Daddy and Donny and how they were getting by. She knew what she had needed to do for them after she died. How had she expected them to get on when she left for college? She’d just left them a half dozen frozen meals and a clean house. And I expected them to be okay.
Evil or no… there were other reasons… there was another place in the world that she was needed and it wasn't with Willow.
Was she needed here in Sunnydale? Really? The Scooby thing – no. They had Willow and she wasn't much of a monster fighter anyway.
And other than Willow that is all that I have.
‘I can't wait till your little friends find out the truth about you.’
Could Beth be that vindictive? But… my friends? Willow’s friends really. They don’t need me. They have Willow for their Scooby stuff.
Willow. That was the only person who needed her. But though she was the most important person she was only one person. There were two back home… She was being selfish wasn't she?
‘And they will, you know. No matter how innocent you act, they'll see,’ Beth told her.
And ordinarily it might have been true. They might have seen. Willow certainly would have. How could she have hidden from the woman she loved and wanted to spend all her time with?
And yet I sent her away from me before. I forced her to leave when I should have been with her. When I needed to be with her.
‘No they won't,’ she told Beth firmly. Not now. Now they won’t see. Whatever else happened they wouldn’t see. Blind Cadria would see to that.
‘They will. Unless you ...’
Something had twigged inside Beth. The possibility.
‘Do some kind of spell on them ....’
And the guilt that must have been written all over her face, the uncertainty that she had done the right thing. That must have confirmed it because Beth was then very, very sure.
‘You did!’ Beth sounded surprised once more.
It was the surprise of the disgusted though. The surprise of a person who had never dreamed that even someone who had already disappointed her with her selfishness could sink any lower than that and betray her so-called friends as well.
It was a disgust that Tara was feeling for herself without any help at all from Beth. But she couldn’t just admit it. If she did… then Beth might tell Daddy and that would… that would be the end. ‘N-no!’ But she was convincing no one. Beth knew her of old. She knew how to read the tremors in her voice. Her face. Her soon to be shared or snatched soul.
‘You did something to them. I'm telling your father.’
It was like a childish taunt. But perhaps that was fair. Tara knew she had been acting like a child. Selfishly. Unconcerned for the consequences of her actions. And she had been bad… every bone in her body told her that. She didn’t need Beth at all to tell her. And Beth was going to run and tell, like the tell tale she had never used to be. It had always been Donny who had got them into trouble.
They used to be a them. When they could be, when they were allowed to be. Not bad girls… but kids with an older brother or cousin who was desperate to get them into trouble. And so sometimes they were. But hadn’t some of it been worth the punishment?
Couldn’t this be?
Tara grabbed Beth’s arm… regretting that immediately but holding on. ‘No! No, it wasn't anything!’ She had to make Beth understand that. That the spell wasn't bad, that she hadn’t hurt her friends. Any of them. Beth had to see that…
But she didn’t even really believe that herself. What had she been thinking even to entertain the thought of doing it? Was it the evil inside her that had prompted her to do that? She had always known it was wrong… but that hadn’t stopped her. When else had she ever done anything she knew was wrong?
Beth was right about her.
Selfish.
Beth hadn’t mentioned the words evil. Bad. Demon. But Daddy would. He would know what had done this to his little girl. That she wasn't so little any more. That she wasn't an innocent. She had made this choice all by herself and that made her the bad thing that he had always told her she would be.
‘You think you can just go around cursing people? Your dad's gonna pop.’
Beth was right about that.
But that didn’t make it better did it? It was done… all done. Her last roll of the dice. Maybe it could still fall for her… if only Beth would see it wasn't that bad. That at least she had thought she had a good reason for it. Perhaps the best… but this wasn't the time to mention Willow. She didn’t know it ever would be. Whilst Daddy might understand Willow, Beth never would… that was just the way that she had been raised by Uncle Bret.
Willow was her life. Her whole life and that was why she wanted to try and explain. To somehow make Beth understand that to take Willow away from her would be to end that life. Please just feel my pain, she pleaded silently. Understand that there is something larger than just me, Beth. ‘It was just so they wouldn't see. So-so-so they wouldn't see the demon part of me.’ The tears were rolling already. Would she even have any left for Willow if she started now? She might never stop… she’d have some left for that though. ‘Please don't tell Dad. It's harmless.’
But was it? If they couldn’t see the demon… then how would they be able to stop the demon from hurting them. If she couldn’t control it. Maybe I am not as strong as Mommy. Maybe I can’t be as good as she was at containing it.
She’d already satisfied herself that she was weak and selfish… why would the demon see her as any different. It might take her and it might hurt them. It might hurt Willow.
And they wouldn’t be able to see to stop it.
Oh by the goddess what have I done to them?
And as the tears went onto freefall, from her cheeks something perhaps gave Beth a moment of pity as she sat Tara down beside her on bench and actually put her arm around her. Maybe she wouldn’t tell. Maybe…
Even if I deserve her to.
-----------
It was a natural pause in the Scooby research-fest. Which was to say that one by one they had thrown down their books in disgust at not having found a single clue about the woman who had knocked the sausage out of Buffy.
Even a whole clue wasn't necessary. Right now they would settle for a “cl” or possibly a “c.” And so with Buffy off to work off some of that tension in the training room they paid only scant attention to the books they had reluctantly picked up again. And Willow’s mind was wandering.
To a familiar place that she liked to wander.
She was thinking about Tara. That wasn't too unusual. Anya and Xander could have guessed that was where her mind was. Anya said that she got a little tiny half smile every time she was thinking about her love. Willow wasn’t pleased about that at all though. Not because she doubted the truth but because she didn’t like Anya being able to read her that way and get inside her private thoughts. Some of which were very private indeed.
Except that was Anya’s problem. She didn’t have a clue what a private thought was. The goddess knew that she revealed enough of her own which Xander seemed slightly less happy about than even Willow was. She, guess what, didn’t want to know.
But still Tara…
She wasn’t really thinking happy thoughts about her love right now. They were more along the lines of “what’s wrong with my poor baby?” Not much chance of their being a smile there. Because something was wrong. Tara had been wiggy since walking into the shop to find Donny there. She’d thought it was surprise, or shock – perhaps she didn’t like him. Siblings were like that, they bickered. So they tell me. But there was something more.
When Tara had dismissed her from the room pleading tiredness… there was something wrong. She might be tired but there was something… else.
‘Did you guys think there was something wrong with Tara?’ she eventually asked. Any port in a storm, even Anya – who after all was Tara’s friend. Of a sort. ‘Before I mean when her brother was here. And her Dad.’
‘Nope.’ Xander said looking back at his book with a renewed fevered intensity.
Willow watched him staring at the page. Saw that Anya was also watching him. His eyes weren’t even moving across it he was just fixated on one spot that was anywhere that was not meeting her gaze. Eventually though he cracked. Xander always did. It looked like Anya had figured that out too. Good for her.
‘What?!’ he demanded.
‘Why are you avoiding Willow’s question?’ Anya asked before Willow could even ask the same thing.
‘I’m not – I’m trying to study here. Saving the world here… okay? And I think you girls should get back with the program.’ Justifiable anger and an increased urge to study. He was having thoughts.
‘By looking at the same word for thirty seconds?’ Willow put it to him.
‘It’s an important word. It’s…’ he looked back at the page. ‘Convex. It’s convex.’
‘And what does that mean Xander?’ Willow pressed.
‘I have no idea,’ he admitted to them and was met with a happy smile from Anya to Willow.
Willow’s own lips twitched in return before she got her mind back onto what the problem was.
‘Look,’ Xander continued resigned to upsetting someone. ‘Sometimes… I admit it… I just don’t – well get Tara.’ He looked pleadingly at Willow as if begging her not to bite his head off. Maybe that was a literal fear.
But this was not the time to argue the point. Right now she didn’t get Tara either. That was kind of the problem. She said so to them and saw Xander subside with relief.
Anya in response nodded sagely. ‘You two had a fight.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘No! We didn’t have a fight.’ That came out harsher than she had intended though. ‘She was just… I’m just… I’m worried about her.’
Anya though seemed to be fixed on the idea of a fight. ‘After Xander and I have had a fight we have great make up-’
‘Don’t’ Xander told her.
So Anya mouthed it across at Willow. S-E-X.
My how could I have guessed? Willow wondered. ‘We didn’t have a fight.’ She repeated slowly for Anya’s benefit.
‘Then you won’t get to make up then… and where’s the fun in that?’ Willow just shook her head as Anya carried on. ‘She has family issues.’
‘How would you know?’ Willow asked, a little peeved.
Anya of course didn’t even notice. ‘You spend the best part of a millennium as a vengeance demon and you see a few family disputes. You know sometimes they are the worst. Women scorned by their… close relatives. Some cultures are big on that sort of thing. Bad for the gene-pool but…’
‘Ahn?’ Xander interrupted his girlfriend.
‘Mmn?’
‘Sort of off topic hun. Both of you in fact. Look Will, Tara just has a few issues to work out with her family. No biggie. Now if my Mom and Dad had turned up after a not seeing me for months… then there would be a problem.’ If they turned up the world would probably be about to end. Or the rent would be overdue.
‘Well when you put it like that…’ There were worse families than the Maclays.
‘Don’t worry about it. She’ll be fine.’
‘And you can still kiss and make up!’ Anya chirped up, ever the sexual optimist. ‘I was just saying…’ she replied to Willow’s glare.
Willow lifted the pile of books and took them to their place on the shelves, looking to trade them in for some that might help a little more. And there was a knock on the door.
‘Tara?’ Willow asked… though no one could hear her hope. Least of all Tara.
Opening the door there was no one there at all. Must have been the wind. Or kids. Dang kids. That was a sure sign she was getting old. When you could think “Dang kids” you were definitely getting old. Just wait until I start saying it…
‘I thought I heard something.’ She shut the door again. She had hoped she had heard Tara. Had hoped that her love would be there waiting for her. That they could kiss and make up… but no more than that here. Even though they hadn’t fallen out Willow wanted to kiss Tara. She always longed to get lost in her lovers lips.
There was something wrong.
She left the door behind and headed back to her books.
And never once saw the three demons that were her lover’s legacy.
-----------
But Beth wasn't comforting Tara. She might have believed that she was, but when the tears slowed and finally stopped Beth was making a horrible kind of sense.
‘Don't you see how out of control you are?’ she asked.
That was true. No one was controlling her. No one here knew, so how could they be expected to? Maclay women. They had always needed special control. And she had been foolish and arrogant to assume that she was any different to the others. That I was better? Is that what I thought? Did I honestly believe that I was better than my mother?
‘You've been lying to these people for a year, and now you've put a spell on them, is that right?’
No. She didn’t have to say it.
‘Is that a human thing to do?’
No. Or that.
‘Now I'm telling your father.’
She couldn’t even object to that anymore. The sort of sense that Beth was making how could she argue? Here in Beth’s presence she was giving up. There was just a tiny part of her mind that was still fighting. It was losing the battle under a barrage of what seemed to be logic. Good sense. And tradition. This was just the way it was. Maybe it wasn't even all my fault, she thought. I’m just a Maclay woman. Growing up she had wanted to be considered a woman and now that she was…
It was the worst thing in the world. She wanted to be a girl… if she could have Willow.
‘If he doesn't force you to come home, and I think he should, I know he's going to tell your friends the truth,’ Beth announced.
He would too. Even if there was the slightest chance that she could stay, if he didn’t throw her in the camper and set off within minutes of hearing Beth’s truth then he would tell them and now it was even worse. Now I had actively tried to hide it. I put spells on them to stop the truth.
I cursed Willow.
‘If I were you, I'd tell them first.’
It was a race.
‘And then I'd tell them good-bye.’
It was a race to be the one to tell the truth first. She didn’t know if she could… but if anyone was to tell Willow then it should be her. And Beth was right. One way or another she would have to say good-bye.
What would they want to do with her after this? What would Willow want with a lying demon who had cursed her and her friends?
Nothing at all.
She set off back into town. To the woman she loved and whom she was convinced she was going to lose.
------------------
She's my always
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Willow: (to Tara) I could heal.
Tara: (to Willow)And we’re gone.
by Anonymous » Mon Jun 24, 2002 12:39 am 