As Time Goes By

[Patches]

Second place! Jeeze, you weren't kidding about that refresh thing, were you?? Ah, well, she who works late is lost. Uh, still working on fb for the last update...more to follow in a bit.

Um, sorry, but this is about it for a while. We've got people working on set around the clock and I can barely think, let alone write a coherent thought. as always, your writing rocks!

Patches

[Darth Pacula]

G'day Mary,

Woo hoo! Third place! Let's hear it for different timezones, cause it's only 17:20 here in Australia.

Do I even really have to say this was good? Isn't that pretty much a given? Ah, what the heck. You rock! In the good sense that is, not so much with the being ... er ... an actual rock.

First comment has to be I pity Giles' bank account. That's an awful lot of lobster, and those puppies aren't cheap. Taking two Slayers to a seafood restaurant is a sure recipe for imminent bankruptcy.

Now I now that there was a joke there about loving seafood that I'm just not getting, but my instincts are telling me that maybe I shouldn't worry about that too much, or to quote Homer Simpson, I'll end up giggling like a little schoolgirl. Alas, I am so very sheltered.

Your little undercurrent between Faith and Buffy just keeps bubbling along there doesn't it. God alone knows where it's going to end up, and yes, by that I mean you. Hey, if a bunch of Star Wars nerds can try to get the code of the Jedi recognized as an actual religion, why the hell can't I worship you? I'll try to keep the prayers to a dull roar.

I loved Dawn's reaction to Xander and Anya staying in her room, and their responses to Dawn's little demand.

Good god, Giles! You're giving us blokes a bad name. I only live with my older brother, but I still always put the seat down. I guess Mum just trained us well.

Some interesting tidbits have come out of the girls little pre-boink chat. ( I can not believe I just wrote that. ) I can't say that I noticed the difference in perspective between the Big Bad's attacks, but it's an interesting change. I have to wonder, why is this Big Bad attacking them in the first place. Does it have a reason to? Because if it doesn't, it really would have been better off going for softer targets. Now, it just seems as if it's being led by it's bruised ego.

There we go, you proved the point I was trying to make in my last reply. Sex always has been the human way of cheating death. That whole post-near death desire for sex is a biological reaction. Sex, ultimately in biological terms is about having kids, propagating the species, which is really the closest thing to immortality we can achieve. Being lesbians, Willow and Tara don't have to think about the kids part, without some sort of scientific or magical intervention anyway.

That being said, allow me to revert back to my initial, non verbal response .... Good grief, Mary! That was so hot I think my monitor has actually given me a sunburn!

As always, totally kick-ass. Keep it coming, please.

Bye,
Paul.

[watty]

First, thanks to Car who emailed the update to me while I was at work. I mean, the email was preceeded by a series that went like this (note the times and the urgency):

(To start off, we were on the phone and she said that she was expecting an update at midnight EST.)
12.18am: Mary hasn't updated yet...I'm still refreshing
12.33am: Mary is on the board...I have my page refreshing
12.36am: She's going to take 30 minutes to post again...I just know it
12.46am: She needs to hurry up....this isn't good!!!
12.48am: lmao Mary sent me a PM saying she's about to hit submit (watty's brain: thank you Mary, finally I can get some work done )

You see how momentous an ATGB update is? And man, I know I shouldn't have read the update at work, I'm glad no one is able to look over my shoulders at my screen.

Secondly, yes I'm a big, skanky ho, but do you know what I think? I was just the loud-mouthed kid who simply said what is on everyone's minds but are too polite to say. You've been on the board longer than I have, Oh Great Mary, you should know how kittens feel about smut.

Even during the meal, you're teasing. Oh, yum to seafood btw. A nice dinner out isn't the answer to stuff, especially such heavy stuff like being attacked by an unknown BB that suggests they kill themselves. But food, I find, is always a great leveler, it brings people together and makes all the tough stuff that happens to them seem less scary.

A few laugh out loud moments and I just know you're teasing us with lewd suggestions,

Giles' flat

heehee, would have thought that Giles is assimiliated by now, to refer to the place where he lives as an apartment, but thank you. (This isn't a lewd suggestion, but is so funny that I just have to put it in as a LOL moment.)

"Grab enough for a couple of nights," Willow instructed, wondering yet again when she had become such a top.

heh, hint of good things to come.

[Buffy's] sex addicts group

and

Giles added, spooning up the last of his lobster bisque. "And I say that as someone who is much, much older than all of you and thus far more knowledgeable about such things."

okay now you're teasing.

On the more serious side, yes, Willow is so right,

We all use humor to cope with this.

There is such a contrast between the ease at which they interact now, and the jarringly unnatural doubtful conversations of earlier in the day. Even the easy way they allocated sleeping quarters, and oh boy with Faith, she isn't gonna get much sleep, being in such close proximity to Buffy, is she?

Re: exposition and sprouting theories about the attack. Well done to Tara for picking out the differences, to try to nail down why the BB behaved in that way, to turn the attack to her.

mine was second person, thank you very much

Mary, did you get Professor Carleen's lesson on pov's too?

it just improvised

I'm still intrigued by this, the second attempt on Tara that reeks of desperation and, to be honest, ingenuity. It's almost like the BB is an AI robot and it learns as it goes, making it more dangerous. Argh, this is supposed to be an interlude, to take a break before taking stock and coming up with better plans.

And finally to the last part. Sigh. I'm speechless, cos there is so much love there in the way they made love.

It always felt so cold, in that moment, away from the heat.

beautiful, Mary, just beautiful.

There's smut and then there's smut. Here you describe their raw need. Willow needs control, she really is a little sadist isn't she, with all the teasing and knowing just exactly what makes Tara come.

"Give it to me," Tara commanded her. "I need to have you, Willow."

And then Tara's command, it's as if they both need to reaffirm that they're in control of their lives and their family, and by extension ... their passions. I keep saying to Debra how I love they way she didn't go into the "where each body part goes" narrative in SAI, and how I want to stay away from that. But this time, I needed the specific descriptions, I needed to see Tara on her stomach, being taken by Willow; I needed to feel Willow's breasts on Tara's back and her legs spread, rubbing on Tara's thights; I needed to feel Willow sitting on Tara's face, looking at the hunger and possession in the dark blue eyes. I needed to be there with them, when they expressed their love for each other, how they needed to conquer their fear of losing each other.

Sigh, so hot. So masterful. And why I've decided I don't want to be writing smut anymore.

The only thing I don't quite get is, how come Willow is talking so much during sex ?
[br]

[JustSkipIt]

Well apparently Watson has tremendous power. She asked for smut and look what you post. Shit woman. Where's the cold shower emoticon? More importantly it was really beautiful. I really love it when a writer (that would be you) is able to so seamlessly show the interaction between making love to confirm the love and connection and sensitivity and throwing in a little kink to really make it heart-stopping. I mean, yes there can be hard and taking and all yours and all that and still life and love confirming! And this is a truly spectacular example of it.

The conversation at the restaurant: yeah good, all that. But you know what, overshadowed by the wonderful smut.

Watson wrote:

The only thing I don't quite get is, how come Willow is talking so much during sex

You thought that was a lot of talking? Shit, that would be a quiet night in my estimation.

[Puff]

<-- speechless

However I feel I must write something so here goes *has a cool drink in the hope of regaining power of speech* firstly i must apologize for missing the previous update but I had a very good reason...we purchased an adorable pony for the kids so I have added to my workload, just when life was getting easy lol. Anya was wonderful and made me chuckle. I also really liked Xander in this update it is nice to see him not being an insensitive jackass. I also found it interesting who the BB targeted. I wonder how it chooses? Maybe Dawn, Xander and Faith have vunerabilities which are too obvious? Faith and Buffy's growing closeness is progressing also and it has a nice natural feel to where ever they are going.

Onto the next part. It was so good to see Willow and Tara talking and even though I knew what the BB had said to Tara it still felt raw and painful to read it again and have an understanding for how she must have felt. I think the way the BB tormented Tara WAS different but I am not sure Tara is being realistic about when she started to feel angry etc, I think it was when Willow mentioned Kyra. Now onto Kyra. I still think that her and Faith has some sort of connection. Faith is the dark slayer and Kyra has something to do with darkness and bringing light...maybe she is just supposed to make Faith happy? Anyway I can't wait to see whre it is because I am probably way off base.

And finally onto the smut. Wow. Sorry I am not more articulate here because your writing deserves higher praise than wow but that's the best I can do.

As always I joyfully await the next installment. Hope all is well with you Mary. Kittens are just one of the cutest things ever. We got 2 kittens for the barn and I spend way too much time playing with them and cuddling. I hope your little one is well

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello Kittens, and welcome to Mary's House of Smut on WLEZ. Here for you; queer for you. Taking your requests now...

Car: You know, sweetie, I'm hesitant to use the word "feedback" to describe your response. It's like calling "War and Peace" a decent short story. You have more thought and discernment in your replies than many published authors do in the works that they get paid for. And I am one of the lucky beneficiaries to that consideration. I've said this before, but it will be such fun, after this is all over, to compare theories with you and see how your ideas match up to the story that unfolds.

Oh, Kyra--you know, I'm really falling for the kid. I have to admit, while I love my nieces and nephews, and I'm actually good with kids, I probably fall more into Fran Leibowitz's category. She wrote this great essay entitled, "Children: Yes or No?" in which she pointed out the major assets and drawbacks to children. One of the shortcomings? "Children are rarely in a position to lend truly interesting sums of money." An asset? "Children make the best Scrabble opponents because they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat." But this kid's really growing on me and yes, she is a Scoobie: danger may strike at any time and she may need to gum them into submission. Is she a red herring? Well, if so she'll be the cutest red herring in the ocean!

Your thoughts on style? God, what can I say, except that I appreciate your words so, so much. Yes, there are times for expansivenes (they're out in the parking lot; tensions have abated even temporarily) and times for restraint (they're tucked into bed; this topic precludes guffaws.

And what is going on in Buffy's mind re: Faith? You picked up on a key element here: Buffy could have put Faith anywhere. She certainly knows Giles won't hit on her (God help him if he did) and heck, maybe she'd want to ensure that no one was alone, even in sleep. And yet she keeps Faith close: why? Is she feeling protective of her? Does she draw comfort from having another Slayer near? Does she envision a future in which she and Faith can job-share, thus opening up the chance for a more normal life? Is she drawn to Faith in some other way at a completely unconscious level? And does Faith fear that she can't love? Or that she can never be loved, such that even admitting she wants it chokes her with the futility of it all? Could I ask any more questions? Where's Waldo? Who moved my cheese?

I love your conjectures about the BB. What can I say that won't give too much away...Well, this: you're absolutely right when you say that each is the other's greatest strength and greatest vulnerability. How do those two dance together? In case you couldn't tell, I'm huge into countering what I see as specious dichotomies. I think that so much of what we try to put into separate rooms actually have secret hallways that connect them. In fact it's impossible to know one without knowing the other.

The love scene...You know, I mentioned this to Watson earlier (had started this reply section before you posted), but I think it would be fascinating to discuss the writing of erotic fiction. It goes so much beyond body parts and mechanics. I think in writing such scenes, I deliberate word choice as much as or more than I do anywhere else. I'll be writing a description and considering particular words and I'll think, "That is just not a sexy word." It's either too crass or I don't like the cadence in that particular sentence or I just think it sounds...funny. I think we all kind of joke and laugh about smut/erotica but it definitely takes work. I'm glad you liked this scene, and your attunement to the sensory elements is dead-on. This is about moving beyond words (though it was fun to have Willow tell Tara that she couldn't make any noise!): it's about reclaiming and anchoring every aspect of oneself to those of the beloved. Thus the lovers breathe in and touch and gaze and whisper and taste. Excellent pick-up on what felt like such an important piece of this.

Ah, Car...You're spoiling me. Please don't stop! Thank you so much for the time and the effort you put into this. And please update "Coming Back" soon!

Patches: Sounds like things have been active 'round your neck o' the woods. Stay sane, and come on back when you can.

Paul: Yeah, Giles is gonna be shakin' his head when his gets his VISA statement next month...I saw him as feeling particularly generous right then, in the "You can't take it with you" vein; and I think he also picked uip on Faith's financial situation and wanted to offer something besides Burger King w/o singling Faith out for attention. (Hmm...I seem to be writing "I think he..." a lot. You'd think as the author, I'd be a little more certain about these things.) The seafood reference...Well, it was an unintentional (on Faith's part) allusion to women sometimes being called "fish." Faith's talking about loving it, and Willow is trying desperately not to look at Tara and thereby lose it.

Yeah, Faith's energy keeps bubbling. Is it too vague? Because, to quote Homer (Simpson) as well, "I like my coffee hot, my beer cold, and my homosexuals flaming!"

A badly bruised ego is a good way of thinking about this. That's one of the questions the group hasn't answered, though Dawn initially posed it: Why zoom in on Tara when it could have easily picked off any number of other people? Is it ego? Or something more specific to this group? Once again, as the writer you'd think I would know this...(Actually, I do.)

Glad you enjoyed the sex and reconnection! It was...engaging to write.

Thanks for following this, Paul. It's good to have you on board, though miles and miles separate us!

Watson: See? Ask and you shall receive! I just cracked up when I saw your feedback from the last chapter b/c I'd had in my mind for a couple of updates that our girls needed some 1-1 reconnection time and then I decided to make sexual intimacy a part of that. So I just chuckled, in b/w typing out my "ho" verdict. And yes, I join you in that ho-ly quest.

I'm honored to have the update be a fun thing. There are definitely stories on this board that I've checked in on frequently. [cough *Coming Back*cough]

You know, I have some friends (from various US locales) who call their apartments a flat. Dunno what's up with that. Glad you liked the humor, though. As I've said before, I really enjoy writing that aspect of these characters.

One of the most intriguing dimensions of the whole Buffyverse is how they balance doing what they do w/o going absolutely bat-shit loonball with anxiety and emotional exhaustion. (That's a technical term, for you lay people.) Humor is, I think, at the heart of it. They have a harder time joking about anybody else's close call, but about the only way they can fight the battles they do is by escaping into humor at least occasionally. So how to balance honest recognition and discussion with the need to keep moving, stay sane?

This BB is both desperate and ingenious. It is, perhaps above all, opportunistic and resourceful. Thinks on its feet, whether those feet are literal or metaphorical.

You know, I think there could be a fascinating discussion just on the topic of writing sex/erotic scenes. I mean, yes--there's the issue of what each writer believes these people would find arousing, but there's also the mechanics of the writing. Is it descriptive of action or emotion? Hopefully both but that balance can be trickier to achieve than one might assume. What is alluded to, and what is named? For me, a lot of the hook is in the cadence; specifically, having the cadence reflect the tempo and rhythm of the lovers, including changes therein as the scene progresses. So you might see more "regular" complete sentences at the beginning, moving into shorter, choppier bursts interspersed with long sentences that roll on and on...Um, if you'll excuse me for a minute...OK, I'm back. Anyway, I find the topic fascinating. Don't ever stop writing your own smut, girl! Each of us brings our unique contribution to the bed, er, table.

Oh, and about Willow's vocal performance? Sweetie, I'm with Debra on that one! (Read on, m'dear.)

Thanks for the great feedback, Watson, and for taking such an interest in this story!

Debra: Well, coming from someone who writes DFS (Damn Fine Smut), your words warmed my heart. Yes, it is about both the physical and the emotional. I'm not above (though sometimes below, or perhaps off to the side filming) basic hot sex with minimum emotional involvement but for these girls that's just not the case.

And I'm with you, girl: dirty talk is just 69 kinds of exciting!

Thanks for the kind words, Debra, and especially for the nutritional info! Kyra said to say thanks as well: "Girlfriend woulda had me nursing till I was 5!"

Puff, no bluff: You have the right stuff: A new pony?!? Can I come up and ride? Please? You know, as I read your fb I suddenly remembered being 9 and my mom telling me that we were going to have a surprise. I said, "We're getting a horse?" (We lived on a farm; not out of the question!) And she said no, that she was going to have a baby. I was distinctly disappointed, though I've since come to be glad it fell out the way it did. Like Kyra, she kinda grew on me. Anyway, have a great time with it! What did you name it? I don't know if I mentioned this, but I named the kitten Roadkill 'cuz she was just sitting in the road, blind as a bat from conjunctivitis (which has since been treated and cured) and, well, that's what she would have been in a few. One friend is just horrified, but I like it. She's Roadkill, and I love her.

So glad you enjoyed the updates! One of the questions is, indeed, why go after the ones who, at first glance, would seem the most immune? Was that just chance? When exactly did Tara get infected? Is her defensiveness re: Kyra's origins connected to her vulnerability, or is she just a very protective mother b/c her own mother, despite loving her very, very much, could have done a better job in that area? And how does Kyra (dark? light? both?) fit into this? Ditto Faith? It's really fascinating to read Kittens' ideas about all of this.

Thanks for your wonderfully good words, oh Wimpular One on High!

OK--more later.
Mary

[The Rose24]

Beautiful.

I knew W/T would eventually have to talk about things, and they always know how to make each other feel better. As us kittens have always said, W/T are soulmates because they complete each other.

This BB needs to b squashed!

[spells42]

Mary
Here I am, dragging the chain again. I read your update last night, but I like to let things gel a little before I attempt fb.

The dinner and the post dinner patter was well done. Their very human reaction of laughing so they don't cry (or as you strikingly phrased it 'going bat-shit loonball') fitted these courageous characters. The sleeping arrangements surprised me - I thought it'd be dangerous to leave anyone on their own, even if Giles had survived one attack thereby becoming (hopefully) less vulnerable. Faith's reaction to rooming with Buffy (and Dawn) continued the speculation re her feelings for Buffy and the reader is still uncertain if Faith is aware of her feelings or not. Nor are we any wiser re Buffy's feelings towards Faith.

Carleen referred to Tara's comment on Faith being 'afraid of love' and drew the conclusion that Faith's fear was of being unable to love. I think her fear is more the vulnerability of loving someone, and also that she believes that she isn't lovable. As Carleen (I think) also said the BB used the loved one as motivation for the suicidal thoughts when it attacked W&T, and yet the same person prevented the suicide: they are simultaneously each other's main strength and weakness.

Mmmmmmm... thank you for the W&T luvvin' Mary. You depicted a beautiful affirmation of life and love between W&T. Beautifully written, very erotic, and so visual, as in this line: 'long, tapering back that flared out to such wonderful, strong hips'.

Before I finish I want to say how well you write Kyra. Every time you mention her it is so true to life, and I love the affectionately humorous way you describe her expressions and actions. The 'short end of the stick' at dinner is a prime example.

Okay, so the BB is still short 3 - where's it gonna hit next?

Anne

[Boadecia]

i read this update this morning and it took me ALL DAY to get over it!!! I still have butterflies in my tummy! very very very well done, i like the fact that W/T needed to reconnect. Also, I think its great that Tara brings up the different approaches that the beastie takes. Do I take it this is leading toward a Maclay family connection? with the beastie getting angry at her and abusing her rather than using her own oinsecurities like th others. Of course I could just be blabbing on here

[Safuega]

Hi Mary:

I don't really have much to say about Part 21 other than 'wow'! I wager that being speechless is the appropriate response to such an erotic scene so I'll leave it at that.

As for the conversation between Willow and Tara, I really liked how you have Willow explain that people are just a 'little broken' but that people still manage to go on competently about their lives and that's what matters in the end. Willow realizes that although Willow and Tara are flawed, and vulnerable and a bit scared they somehow manage to overcome these obstacles to live their lives. So the trick is just as Willow says, not to vanquish all your demons but to recognize that they exist, learn to live with that knowledge and coexist. I'd bet that many a détente discussion began with a similar realization.

As for Part 20 I must say that all that came through for me there was Anya's happiness at having been targeted. Finally Anya gets to be part of the group. She gets to be a 'real girl' as it were because she gets the validation and acceptance she has craved. Of course, Anya being Anya, the way she expresses her joy is quite direct and delightful.

Faith is now the only outsider that remains dutifully at the gate. She has begun to make some inroads but she is not there yet. Thus far it seems like she has won over Willow, Dawn, Tara and Buffy. I agree with you that there is energy between Buffy and Faith and god only knows what form it will take, but there is a budding friendship now where there was none. I also sense a kind of tenderness or softness coming from Buffy towards Faith. No, it is not erotic, it is not even romantic, but it is tenderness nonetheless, which manifests itself in Buffy actually thinking about Faith's feelings re: the restaurant, where to sleep. I may be reading too much into it but I can see Buffy and Faith clearly in my mind in those two scenes and I can see Buffy caring.

Okay, I'll stop here because I have a gazillion mosquito bites courtesy of the PR visit that need attention. Wonderful updates, Mary. Thanks for the info on GS&A, I'll see if I can fit reading the story this weekend before I start my new job on Monday. *groans*

Thanks for sharing.

Safuega

[tal]

Mary,

Picture, if you will, the following scene:

*click click* kitten board, *click click* ATGB… oooo, update. Yes! *looking around my office desk, shuffling papers around*… ummm, yeah… nothing life threatening… it'll hold. *starts reading*.

Ummm… interesting… oooo, sweet lovely Faith… me likes Faith. Faith good. (yes, I have intense and deep philosophical insights while reading, I know). Aaah, some deep one on one conversation for our girls… very cool… wait.. wait… Tara, what are you doing?... Willow, baby, not now… no… I'm at work. *head shoots up* should wait until I get home. Should wait until… should… wait… oh c**p, who am I kidding? *back to the reading*

*Knock on door. Co-worker entering without waiting for an answer* "blah blah… blah blah blah blah… blah blah?"

"Huh?" (yes, they hired me for my verbal skills)

"blah blah blah blah… blah?"

"sure, yeah… whatever."

*Co-worker leaves. I stare at the door, breathing hard*

*Co-worker re-enters* "ummm… Tal, you do know you just promised to cover all my court dates for the next week, right?"

"WH… yeah.. yes. of course. What, you thought I wasn't listening?..."

THE END.

And what is our lesson for today, boys and girls? Come one… say it with me… DO NOT READ AT WORK.

That, Mary, was an honest to god true story (except my co-worker was indeed playing with me, as she recognized my somewhat dazed look as she entered.).

Seriously though, great great update. I actually had quite a few insights, but as I am a little late for this one – most have already been discussed. I would say, however, I love the fact that this BB got pissed. Being pissed means it has 'human' qualities, and as such has weaknesses. Something like that is not invincible, and is bound, sooner or later to make a mistake. That, at least, should give the group some hope.

Totally loving Faith in this one. And please take good care of my girl... pretty please?..

Oh, and the smut. Now that was pure art. I mean it. so hot, yet so tender… not an easy combination to achieve. Awesome.

Thank you, Mary, for this story. You rock.

Tal.

[DarkWiccan]

Mary -- I know that others have already commented on it, and in truth I am not adding any new insight... but I really do appreciate the fact that you write Erotica as opposed to smut.

Smut is well and good and fine... but it also has its place, and your stories "ain't" one of them. Your writing is so fantastically eloquent that to add a scene of "smut" with crass words and common terminology would cause your very beautiful house to crumble on its keystone despite how stong the rest of the foundation is b/c all we'd be able to think about would be how out of place that one scene was.

You handle the dynamic of the W/T relationship so wonderfully, so naturally, being the thoughtful author you are, you take equal care in demonstrating their deep love and respect for one another in the most intimate of situations.

To sum up, I was trying to come up with some brilliant and witty pun for my conclusion... but having been up since 3:30am... I'm too tired to try, therefore I shall simply say, thanks for being erotic.



So thanks.

Cheers
DW

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all. Hope everyone is having/had a good weekend. Some more replies...

Rose: Yeah, our girls always know how to bring each other back, don't they? Glad you're enjoying this.

Anne: Hey, take your time, girl! Far better one day after than not at all, and I've dragged my own chain plenty of times. Nice pick-up on the sleeping arrangements. Why wouldn't Buffy put Faith in the room w/ Giles? Hmm...Faith is so terrified of loving, b/c she has no real track record of it. She's never let anyone that close; she's never said anything even remotely like "I love you" to anyone. I think the fears of being unable to love and being unlovable are so closely intertwined. I want this opportunity but I fear I'll never get it and deep down, I suspect I'd blow it if I did. I think I'll stay right here...Car is absolutely right: Willow and Tara are simultaneously each other's greatest vulnerability and their greatest strength.

Glad you liked the luvin'! I figured they'd earned it, and they needed to reconnect on a very basic, life-affirming way.

Who's next? Excellent question...

Thanks for following this, Anne, and for the great support.

Boadecia: The update made you nauseous? Oh, wait--those kind of butterflies. Much better! I think one of the questions before this group is why was Tara's attack so different from the others? Was that a function of rage, or was it preplanned? Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for letting me know.

Safuega: Hey, how was Puerto Rico? Damn, I hate mosquito bites...Welcome back. I hope the transition's been a good one.

Glad you like the erotica! It was definitely...invigorating to write. You know, I think so many times we have this idea that we have to defeat some part of ourselves, vanquish it and stick a flag in the conquered soil. But how often to do we really succeed at that? And at what cost? I loved your detente comparison. So apt.

I loved writing Anya in that update. You're absolutely right: she is thrilled, in ways that eclipse her residual insecurity and fear, to have had her moral ticket punched. And yes, it's meaningful that Buffy was the one who accurately interpreted Faith's hesitation about the restaurant. So clear the girl is feeling at least moderately kind toward her counterpart.

Good luck tomorrow (Monday) at the new job. I hope you enjoy it, despite the on-line groan. Thanks for the good thoughts!

Tal: Hey, good to see you! Oh my God, what a great story about your coworker! I was cracking up as I pictured it, and I don't even know what you look like!

You make an excellent observation about this BB: I would say, however, I love the fact that this BB got pissed. Being pissed means it has 'human' qualities, and as such has weaknesses. Something like that is not invincible, and is bound, sooner or later to make a mistake. Yes indeed--if I let my anger make my decisions, I've already forfeited at least part of the outcome; at least, that's what I believe.

Ah, Tal, I share your fondness for Faith. I promise I'll take good care of her which doesn't mean that she'll necessarily get everything she wants (though maybe she will!) or that she'll never feel hurt (though maybe she won't!). It does mean that I won't make her some caricature with potential who then gets shoved into whatever role Joss needs her to be in that episode. Not that I have any feelings on the subject.
Thanks for the lovely feedback, Tal, and good luck on those court dates!

DarkWiccan: Hey, DW! How's it going? Ooh, I love your observation about erotica vs. smut, good scribe! You're right: I've read stuff before (in all kinds of places) where The Sex Scene jumped out with a sledgehammer and clearly I was supposed to be all turned on but jeez, when did she start talking like that? And how did the dog get there?
And I say etiquette, like lunchtime, be damned! I'm glad to be erotic for you, DW; what's a fellow Kitten for, anyway? Thanks for the great observations!

OK--more as events dictate.
Mary

[justin]

Another great update.

I liked the line about using humour to cope being better than using crack. Though that does rather suggest that Willow has tried crack. Naughty Willow

I think they're on the right lines trying to fugure out what was different about the attacks, since that'll give them some insight into how it works.

Though there was a difference that they seemed to miss, so far Willow's the only one to have had any hallucinations. Maybe because in targetting a group it wasn'y able to spend as much energy on each person.

If the BB is smart then it'll get it's revenge by attacking three people unrelated to the scoobies and going, leaving behind a note saying, "so long, losers!" Then the scoobies would have to face the guilt of not being able to save those three people, or anyone else the BB kills when it next comes out of hibernation.

Or, better sill, it could kill three people whose deaths would result in lot's of other people dieing.

Hopefully it won't do either of those things though.

[The Rose24]

AU,
I meant to ask this when I replied:

"Willow, did--did you come?"

Why did Tara ask Willow this ? Couldn't she tell?

[LeatherQueen]

Mmm.. yummy! Mary, I think DW said it best... that was incredibly erotic. Very hot, yet so very true to the characters. And that's a hard line to balance - writing erotic love scenes that stay within the boundaries of the characters' personas.

Very nice.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Justin: Oh yeah--Willow's a total crack whore. Wait, you thought I said she made money through hacking? Nope.

I think one of the biggest questions is why the BB went after this group and Tara in particular. Thanks for the good thoughts.

Rose: Yeah, that was a total joke on Tara's part. She knew Willow had climaxed, esp. when she heard some of the shingles break off of the roof.

Leather Queen: Glad you enjoyed the erotic section, LQ. I was hoping it would be both emotionally realistic and physically compelling. Thanks for the kind words!

OK--update to follow.

[AntigoneUnbound]

OK, kids, I'm trying! The board just keeps popping to "Page cannot be displayed." And to this I say: Grr...

I'll keep at it.

Mary

[JustSkipIt]

Does it count if I have first dibs on a note saying that you're tryng to post an update???

[Washi]

Don't think it counts Deb. : I don't know whether to hit the sack, or grab a soda and wait. Guess I'll be waiting for a while.

[AntigoneUnbound]

OK, Kittens, here's the deal: I've broken it down into progressively smaller sections until it finally let me preview one. I'm gonna try to post it now, and then instead of "Edit," I'm gonna go with "Reply" and just keep adding on.

Because I know you're all dying to know every step. Sigh.

Anyway, should be up w/in a few. Keep your fingers crossed.

Thanks,
Mary

[Patches]

Mary, I broke loose...please tell us when the 'sectional' is complete. And damn, Debra! I thought, you acted...you get the jersey.

[AntigoneUnbound]

AS TIME GOES BY

Part 22

Summary: I remember reading something about a baby.
Spoilers: And that baby grows up to be...THE POPE!
Pairings: Willow and Tara; Xander and Giles. (C'mon...Like they weren't building toward that from Day 1.)
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, would we even be having this discussion? Of course not...
Distribution: Available on fine boards everywhere, along with proper acknowledgement.

********

"Gabrielle, will you help me? There's a spot I can't reach."

"Where?" came the innocent query.

"Right...there." Xena's voice was low and sultry in the steamy air. Willow and Tara watched from their own sunken bath tub, Tara nestled between Willow's legs as Willow ran the soapy sponge over her glistening shoulders.

"There?" Willow listened to the water trickling over smooth skin. Xena's? Tara's?

"A little lower...You're really close. Can you reach it now?" The trickling of the water grew to a splash. "Should I shift so you can get it? Here--let me spread my legs a little bit more...Oh, right there...That's good."

The water gushed over the side of the tub.

"That feels so good, Gabrielle."

"You taught me, Xena...You always know how to reach where I need it most."

Willow strained to see Gabrielle's shoulders arching with her movements. The water was cascading to the floor, splashing and spilling and...

Willow sat up with a bolt. Dammit!

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, keeping her grumbling largely inaudible. Lousy bladder...

Then again, she realized, wetting the bed wouldn't exactly be sexy. Funny how wetness could be so hot or so gross, depending on the context.

Moments later, she emerged from their bathroom, stifling a yawn. Maybe a little snack...

Sex always left her hungry. It was probably just as well she didn't smoke marijuana. If she and Tara made love while she was high, she'd plow through everything in the refrigerator and head into the yard to forage for roots and berries.

Hope Dawn didn't finish off the Cinnamon Teddy Grahams... A few Teddies, a little cold milk, then back to a warm bed to snuggle up against a beautiful woman who had just made her climax so hard she was pretty sure tectonic plates had shifted.

Just 'cause we live on the Hellmouth, no reason to pass up the creature comforts... As she eased the bedroom door closed behind her and turned toward the stairs, she was surprised to see a lone figure standing at the end of the hallway. Her eyes adjusting to the changing light, Willow made out the lithe form of Faith, staring at...the wall?

Willow stood uncertainly for a moment, and then took a hesitant step forward. What's she doing? What's she looking at? Willow glanced over the house in her mind's eye. That wall--that wall was filled with pictures of the Summers family.

Faith was standing in a dark hallway in the middle of the night gazing at pictures of Buffy.

Willow knew enough not to come up on Faith by surprise--if that were even possible. "Hey."

It was one syllable, uttered softly, but Faith spun around as if Willow had hurled a barrage of accusations against her.

"Hey Red." Her voice was the high-pitched, hollow breathiness of someone who has just been busted. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Just getting a little three a.m. snack. You?" I mean, besides gazing at the girl you're besotted with?

"Oh, had to make a late-night bathroom run." Willow opted for silence, and it worked. "I, uh...I was just lookin' at some pics." She shifted uncomfortably, hands automatically searching for her back pockets but finding only the smooth cotton of her shorts. After a moment, she crossed her arms over her chest, and looked down. "They look so...normal."

Willow would have expected Faith to utter the word with disdain, but perhaps this dim hallway muted and shifted everything because she could have sworn the voice held sadness, and just a faint trace of longing.

"She was so pretty."

'Was'? Wait, what did she--

Joyce.

Faith had been goddess knows where when Joyce died.

"Best Christmas of my life was the one I spent here," she continued quietly. "I had, like, jack to bring for gifts. Whole way over here on Christmas Eve, I told myself I'd only stay for dinner, and then head out for a little holiday action. 'cause, you know--that's what I do." Willow could barely hear her. Faith might as easily have been talking to herself. "But then B has to go save Angel and she asks me to look out for her mom and Dawn. What was I gonna say? I tell her no problem. And then it hits me: I'm so fuckin' glad to have a reason to stay, I coulda died. I mean, otherwise I woulda had to leave, 'cause that's what I'd said I was gonna do. But now...Now she needs me. So I have to stay." She shook her head with a wry grin. "I slept in B's bed that night...big fluffy comforter and these sheets with little flowers on them; little pillows with matching covers. Christ. Joyce wakes me up the next morning with freakin' cinnamon rolls. Buffy comes home just in time to see me scoopin' out the little plastic frosting container like a five-year-old. Laughed her ass off." Her face had softened throughout the telling. She was silent for a moment, then added, her voice hardening, "Things went to hell pretty soon after that."

Willow felt as if she were walking blindly through a collection of rare glass. She knew absolutely that one misstep could shatter this quiet suspended time. Finally she offered, "Joyce always knew what to do. I mean, we're out crashing and banging and tearing through Sunnydale in the name of truth, justice, and the American Way--and at the end of it all, Joyce was always waiting with brownies and that concerned look of hers...You know, the one where she tilts her head just slightly and her eyes look all worried about you."

Tilted. Past tense, Willow.

Faith nodded. "Yeah. And you know what else? She had a pair. I bust into the house the next year and take her hostage; basically terrorize her in her own home. And I'm goin' on and on about how unfair everything is and what a bitch her daughter is, and she just looks at me and says, 'Were you planning to slit my throat any time soon?'"

Well, go Joyce...

"I mean, I coulda snapped her like a twig, and she's just starin' at me like she's almost bored. And I thought, 'No wonder your daughter's the coolest cube in the ice-tray.'" Her arms tightened as if she were trying to hug herself. "I threatened to kill her. Christ.

"Well, no--that probably wasn't your best moment." For all of the obvious reasons, plus one more: it had put a barrier between the two Slayers that made reconciliation impossible, at least for a long, long time. Willow had seen what Buffy did to anyone who threatened her family. Faith had crossed another line with the act, one that was to Buffy as unforgivable as killing a stranger in an alley. After a moment, she asked, "Faith, why did you come back? To the church, I mean. If you'd have kept going, no one would've found you. But you left the bus depot and...Buffy switched you guys back again."

Faith gave her a dry smile. "I hear you and T had something to do with that. Nice work."

Please don't hurt me.

"Why'd I come back..." Faith stared off as if watching that day play out on the dimly lit walls. "You think I didn't ask myself that question about a thousand times? Maybe I thought I could save those people and then ride off in a blaze of glory. Or even stick around; try out the new wheels." She looked at Willow. "But you know what? I think I knew B would get loose. Even from those Council pricks. I mean, the girl always pulled it out. Chips are down; two out in the bottom of the ninth; every other cliche you can think of...and she always came out on top. She always saved the day. The freakin' Road Runner never dodged that many bullets. So if I figure she's gonna show up...Yeah, why come back?" She tossed her hair, and some of the old Faith crept back into her voice. "Maybe I just liked my rack better than hers."

"Yeah, that was probably it," Willow nodded. Faith shot her a grin, seemingly grateful for the out.

She's like a frightened woodland creature. You can hold your hand out with some food, and invite her to come to you, but don't go crashing into the forest to chase her. You couldn't catch her, and you wouldn't want to.

"I sent a card," Faith said abruptly.

Willow snapped back. "What?"

"After Joyce died. Angel was the one who told me. I mean, this was a long time later."

A card? Buffy never said anything...

"I didn't sign it," Faith added, as if reading her thoughts. "Just wrote 'Sorry about your mom' and slapped a stamp on it."

Buffy had mentioned that one. "I don't know who it's from," she said, perplexed. "But...it's nice to know people still think of her."

"She got it," Willow said simply. "She liked it."

Faith nodded. "Good. That's...good." She fell silent.

"Faith, it's OK," Willow heard herself saying.

The Dark Slayer looked at her questioningly.

"The way you feel about Buffy."

A deafening, gaping, yawning chasm of silence greeted this proclamation.

Oh God...She's gonna kill me right here in the hallway. Two nights ago she saves me; tonight she kills me. Make it quick. Nothing involving the knees, please. I watched that inspirational movie about Gale Sayers and it showed his knee getting blown out and that just looked so--

"No, Red, it's really not. It's about 75,000 things, but OK is definitely not one of them." Faith's voice was that of one utterly accustomed to disappointment.

"But why?" Willow asked, a little surprised but mostly relieved that Faith didn't launch into a thousand denials. "I mean, sure it's complicated. Believe me, I know this kind of complicated from the inside out."

Faith shook her head dismissively. "No offense, chica, but no you don't. You knew Tara was into you from Day One, didn't you? Be honest."

Willow thought back to those early days...Tara, always ready to cast, to talk, to stay up long after they were both incoherent with exhaustion.

"Because I could see it," Faith continued. "I was with you guys, what--fifteen minutes at the Bronze? And the way she looked at you...C'mon. You knew that if you said the word, she'd light up like a Christmas tree. What do you think I'd see on Buffy's face?"

Willow didn't know what to say. Faith was right. Even before Tara said it, Willow knew she was hers. Willow's fears had been about her own heart, her own courage. She looked at Faith helplessly.

"In case you haven't noticed it, Red, all of B's exes walk on three legs. Me? I'm the one with the great rack, if you'll remember."

Willow sighed at the irony. Faith could walk into any lesbian bar on the West Coast and pretty much have her pick of beautiful women. But the one woman to whom she was most powerfully connected, with whom she shared a destiny--that woman slept a few feet away from her tonight and walked in a different land during the day.

"It's not just the boy thing," Faith went on. "I mean, let's face it: I'm sexy as hell. Maybe I could pull it off." The bravado, though, was of the drive-by variety. "But look at her, Willow. She's, like, sunshine. All with the cute little clothes and knowing what fork to use at dinner and drinking wine that doesn't have a screw-on cap. I'm...I'm the trashy cousin who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and makes everybody uncomfortable."

"God, Faith, could you reduce things to more of a stereotype?" Willow asked, exasperatedly. "So you and B--I mean, Buffy--come from different sides of the track. You really think that matters to her? Because if it did, she sure as heck wouldn't be hanging out with Xander."

"Girlfriend, I can't even let myself think about this stuff, OK?" Faith's voice was adamant. "God, talkin' about it just makes it worse."

Willow, who had on several occasions in her life found herself talking about her hopes and fears without any memory of having made a conscious decision to do so, found this a difficult concept to grasp. "Wait...How...I mean..."

This cogent narrative effectively conveyed her point.

"So I'm five, right? And Christmas is comin' up. Mom used to get all these catalogues in the mail--clothes, jewelry, house stuff...You name it. And she'd just sit there and look through 'em for hours at a time. Drinkin' whatever booze was on sale down at the corner, and circling all this stuff with a big red felt-tip marker. Like she was gonna order any of it. Like we could afford anything more than a pair of socks or a dish towel. And she'd push one across to me and say, 'Here, Faith--don't you want to look through these? See what you wanna ask Santa to bring you?' What the fuck was that?" Faith clenched both fists helplessly, then drew a deep breath as if to steady herself. "In the first place, I already knew the big guy was bogus; or if he was real, he sure didn't think much of me. And in the second place, why set me up like that? Make me want stuff she knew I wouldn't get? I just shoved 'em back at her and went back to watching TV. I didn't let myself look at one damn thing."

"Because you knew you wouldn't get what you wanted," Willow finished quietly.

"Right." Faith suddenly looked exhausted in the shifting light. "There are some things that girls like me just don't get. So you don't even look at the catalogue."

Willow took this all in, trying to imagine a little girl whose inebriated mother urged her to make wishes she knew wouldn't come true. A little girl who figured out, so very early, which stores she could go into and not be laughed out of.

Silence fell over them again for a few minutes. Finally, Willow ventured hesitantly, "But you let yourself look at Buffy."

"Let myself look at her...Oh, yeah..." Faith leaned back against the wall and slid down slowly until she was sitting, arms propped over bent knees.

WIllow cautiously sat as well, crossing her legs and gazing at Faith who was now shaking her head.

"Believe me--wasn't my original game plan," she laughed mirthlessly. "I gotta say, when I first saw B, I coldn't believe she was a Slayer. I mean, she seemed so...proper."

Willow could think of many occasions on which Buffy had been anything but proper. Guess Faith missed that whole contaminated beer incident.. This, though, was hardly the time to bring it up.

"But then I saw her in action. Damn, Red, she's good. I mean, Best of the Best kinda good."

"The greatest vampire slayer of all time..."

"The whole time I've known her, there's been exactly one time that I knew, flat-out knew, that I could take her," Faith added.

"When was that?" Willow asked, curiosity greatly piqued.

"This afternoon. When we--when you--figured out that the son-of-a-bitch had gotten her. I knew that if she made a break for it, I could take her. 'cause no way was I losing her; not like that."

Willow remembered Faith's expression; how she had shifted just slightly, enough to reach Buffy if the latter tried to leave. What must have been going through your mind...

"Anyway, I get to Sunnydale and figure out that B's the real deal. At first, I just wanted to be part of the team, you know? I saw how you tight you guys were; seemed cool."

"But then you started wanting something different," Willow ventured softly.

Faith ran her hands through her hair, clenching and releasing it in turns. "Yeah. I liked it when it was just the two of us." She broke off suddenly and punched her thighs. "Christ...I feel like such an idiot. I had this huge flaming crush and didn't even know it and now I'm sitting here in the middle of the night playing True Confessions with this chick I beat up a few years ago."

"Yeah--same chick whose life you saved two nights ago. Though for future reference," she added, "I prefer the term 'broad.'"

"Gotcha," Faith grinned reluctantly.

"So when did you figure it out? How you felt, I mean?"

"A helluva long time after anybody else livin' my life would have. I can be a little slow on the uptake with these things. Tell you one thing, though--when Xander told me Angel was back and he saw them kissing...That pretty much made my head explode. But I just told myself I was pissed because she didn't trust me enough to tell me. Right." She shook her head. "Had nothing to do with getting all twisty and hot and crazy in my gut when I pictured them together."

Willow remembered her own brief stint in the Scooby psychiatric ward. Even while Xander was railing against Buffy, going on and on about how wrong it was, he was trying to kiss her. And Willow let him.

"Yeah, I think we all had our wonky moments during that time," she said uncomfortably.

"The moon must have been in Fucked," Faith agreed. "Anyway, we get through that patch and then there's Christmas and I just wanted to freeze it, you know?" She looked at Willow helplessly. "But I guess it doesn't work that way, does it? B got more involved with Angel, and I just kept trying to keep some piece of her just for myself. But the shine had worn off. All that nifty newness of having another Slayer...Seemed like it just kinda faded. And all I wanted was to be special again."

Why's that so important to all of us? Here they were, saving the world and leading exciting secret lives that 95% of the population could only begin to imagine...and they all worried that they could so easily be replaced.

"And I could see things falling apart. It was like the world was in hyper-drive and I was just running through mud. I was tryin' to keep up and I knew I couldn't."

"Maybe that's why," Willow said softly. "You knew you couldn't and so...you couldn't."

"Which came first: the chicken wing or the omelette? Feels like I choked on both of 'em." She rubbed her hands along her face, then looked back at Willow. "Hell, Red--you think I don't know I backed the wrong damn horse every race? Wilkins...He was a crazy bastard, but he cared. I know that sounds fucked, but it's true. He told me once that even if Buffy marched into his office and offered her services, he'd tell her he already had a Slayer. And that was about the nicest thing anybody ever said to me." The dark eyes glittered. Even in the dim light, Willow felt slapped by the pain she saw there.

"Next thing I know, I'm standing in that cafeteria swapping you for those freakin' spiders, which were just about the grossest things I'd ever seen. And Wilkins is gonna eat 'em. And part of me's thinking, 'What the hell am I doing?' But I had to choose--right then. I knew I coulda stayed and been one of the good guys again. Sure, it woulda been different, but you guys were all about second chances, right? I mean, look at Angel. Then I hear Wilkins calling my name, and..."

Willow remembered that night with perfect clarity. She remembered that the Mayor had had to call Faith's name twice before she turned to go with them. That moment...Was that the one? Or were there smaller ones, littered throughout that crazy time, each one barely recognizable as such?

"And you left," Willow finished.

"I left," Faith nodded. "A couple of weeks later, B and I are duelin' to the death on my rooftop and she shoves my knife--tell me that isn't poetic justice--right into my gut. Last thing I remember seeing, as I stepped back off the balcony is her face. B, lookin' absolutely, 5-alarm freaked. And I tell myself: She's goin' crazy 'cause she thinks she killed me.' Like I didn't know it was about Angel. And that's what I told myself as I fell onto that truck."

"We never thought you would wake up..."

"And when I did, what's the first thing on my to-do list after I figure out what date it is? I head right back to B's place. By that time I'm all about the rage. Wasn't till I got to LA that I finally started to figure it out. After damn near killing Angel and Wesley." She rubbed the back of her neck and sighed as if reliving the pain of all those battles.

Willow finally let herself ask the question that had been nipping at her mental heels since Tara had first told her of Faith's feelings. "You said Angel really helped you turn things around. Did he help you figure this out, too?"

Faith gave a slow grin. "Can you effin' believe it? One night I was just goin' off about how unfair the whole thing was, how Buffy had the life I wanted and it wasn't my fault Kendra'd gone and gotten herself killed so that I was called. Oh, yeah," she nodded at Willow's reaction, "he did not take kindly to that observation. Just gives me one of those looks where he stares at you and gets, like, extra grim. Said it wasn't Kendra's fault, either, and that I might, quote, 'Want to drop that line of thinking,' unquote. Then he starts talking about how there's nobody we hate as much as the people we love, and the minute he says the L word, I start freaking. Freaked most of the next couple of weeks, as I recall. But he was right. We talked about it some more; I mean, after I came back from two weeks of screwing every guy I could get my glands on. He tells me about Darla who, I gotta say, makes me sound like...like...Hell, like you or T, for God's sake."

Willow was human enough to be flattered.

"This was last year. When this whole prophecy thing came up, he sends me to Sunny D to help you guys and to deal with this head-on."

"So how's the head-on plan going?"

"Well, let's face it, Red--hasn't been much time for quiet walks in the woods or lookin' up at the stars," Faith pointed out.

"A valid consideration, and once again I'm thanking you for your intervention. But Faith--what are you gonna do? I mean, I don't think Buffy has any clue how you feel."

"How'd you figure it out?" Faith asked, not quite masking the anxiety in her voice. You're afraid it's all over your face, aren't you?

"It was Tara, actually. She read between the lines when you guys were talking in the kitchen. She's pretty good with that whole emotional intuition thing," she added.

"Guess so." Faith nodded appreciatively. "You really think B doesn't know?"

"I really don't," Willow replied honestly. "You know that point I just made about Tara? Yeah, well, less so is Buffy, especially when it comes to realizing people can fall for her."

"Jesus," Faith sighed, shaking her head. "What the hell am I gonna do, Red?"

"I don't know," Willow said softly. "I really wish I did."

They sat like that, in silence, for a few more minutes. Finally, Faith stretched her arms up over her head and rose gracefully to her feet. "Well, right now I'm gonna go back to be. I'm gonna go back into B's bedroom and pray I don't sleepwalk for the first time in my life."

Willow stood, somewhat less easily, as her right foot had fallen asleep. "Same here. Oh, except, you know--not with the desiring Buffy part, because...eww." She grinned awkwardly, wanting to offer some words of parting comfort, but deciding against it. Faith would probably barf. "So...g'night. And--lemme know if you need anything." That seemed safe. She turned toward the stairs.

"Red?" Faith's voice was hesitant.

Willow turned, surprised. "Yeah?"

"About tonight..."

"I tell anyone and you'll break four fingers and an ankle?" she guessed.

"Right," Faith nodded. "I mean, not really...Just seemed like something I should say."

"Understood. 'night, Faith."

"Night, Willow."

Half an hour later, nicely sated with the last of the Teddy Grahams, Willow crawled back into bed. Tara rolled over in her sleep and flung an arm over her waist. Those two can have their Super Powers. I'll take this; every time.

********

To Be Continued

[The Rose24]

I just keep loving your Willow and Tara moments. I must say, you write some beautiful ones.

[spells42]

Huh! I beat you guys.

Now I better go read it.

Oh well I wasn't quite first after all.

Great update as usual Mary. The conversation between Willow and Faith gives us great insight into Faith's feelings now, and the motivation behind a lot of her past actions, not to mention a little of why she is the way she is. What a picture of a terrible childhood. While it's not like Faith to open up like this you make it believable in the circumstances: caught red handed staring at Buffy's family pictures, in the dark at 2 a.m., and with Willow's cautious approach to the subject, the moment just seem right for Faith to unburden herself. I like the way Willow is still sort of afraid of Faith and yet can't help showing sympathy for her feelings for Buffy.

Also as usual, some great lines in there. I laughed at the 'tectonic plates' comment, and this was particularly effective:

A deafening, gaping, yawning chasm of silence greeted this proclamation.

Oh God...She's gonna kill me right here in the hallway.

The first line holds us in the tension of the moment, the second drops us right in the farce (well that's how I saw it anyway) especially when followed up by

Nothing involving the knees, please.

Thanks for brightening up my afternoon.

Anne

[Naeryn]

Okay, one, two, three... AWWW!

That was absolutely brilliant. We got a bit more insight into Faith here. The bit about the catalogues at Christmas almost had me crying, because I've been in that situation. Of course, it was a little different, my mother wasn't inebriated and I was the one circling things...

You've got a really nice setup here. Once again, I'd like to put in my bid for a B/F relationship development... I think if anyone could pull it off realistically, it'd be you.

*claps* Way to go.

[Darth Pacula]

G'day, Mary.

What a perfect end to the working day. I hoof it home, boot up the computer ( after sitting in front of one all day, mind you ) and what do I find? Updatey goodness!

Right-o then, let's try and say something at least marginally meaningful. Or that can at least can pass for meaningful if viewed in pitch darkness.

That was an ... interesting Xena episode Willow had running in her head. Can't say I remember anything like that in the show, but then again, I did miss a lot of episodes.

Some very nice touches of humor from the Willster at the start, but then you delve into Faith's rather battered psyche.

You really capture the sense of desperation that seems to dominate Faith, even if she tries to hide it behind vulgarity and bravado. Her memories play out so dark and depressing, with those little periods of brightness that only serve to make the bad times seem worse. Or so says the cynical part of my personality. And that little woodland creature comparison. Spot on.

It's very sad the way Faith seems to have given up hoping for the things she wants most. I mean, sure she might be saving herself the pain of trying to get something she can never attain, but living without hope .... that's hardly what I would call living at all. Totally understandable, mind you, but still so very melancholy.

I don't quite agree with Faith's description of Buffy though. Buffy knowing what piece of silverware to use at each point of a dinner party? I sincerely doubt it, though these days she'd probably know which would make the most efficient weapon. Buffy's always seemed more of a valley-girl, mall-rat type to me. Just another case of it all depending upon your own personal perspective. It's amazing how two like-minded people can have totally different perceptions of the same person simply because they have seen different parts of their personality.

To sum up, very touching, with delightful splashes of the humor you do oh so well. Of course, according to Murphy's Law, now that we've had our quiet interlude, it should be time to amp up the angst and drama again.

Until next time, I'll remain lurking here like the complete whack-job that I am.

Bye for now,
Paul.

[watty]

Snap, Paul. I just came home from sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours and I have another 5-6 at home to look forward to.

And to Therapist Mary, thank you for not giving up on the wonky board. Wonderful insight about Faith and what was on her mind when she was first in Sunnydale. She has this tuff cynical exterior, but inside, all she wants is a little recognition. From the Scoobies, that they accepted her into the group; from adult figures like Joyce and the Mayor; but mostly from Buffy. The object of her affection still seems to be so clueless it'll take either one of Anya's indiscretions or Tara's gentle talk for her to realize it. Though they are best friends, I can't see Willow being the one to tell Buffy. And neither will Faith, cos her feelings about having feelings for Buffy is

about 75,000 things, but OK is definitely not one of them.

It must have taken alot for Faith to open up to Willow like this, or perhaps it was the right time and place. She has so much self-deprecation I'm surprised it hasn't broken the glass exterior she surrounds herself in.

I'm the one with the great rack, if you'll remember.

She isn't doing herself justice, reducing herself like this (though, yeah, she does have a very nice rack).

No BB this update, but the threat is still hovering in the background. Could this conversation between Willow and Faith have been "overheard" by BB and used against Faith? I still think of Willow as the wearer of the immunity necklace and therefore can't be attacked.

Oh, and I like the synchronicity of cinnamon Teddy Grahams (I know what grahams are but hell if I know what the Teddy version is -- another instance of my woefully inadequate American culture education) that Willow was having and the cinnamon rolls (now these I know) that Faith remembers scoffing. You're in a cinnamon sort of mood? I hope Willow brushed her teeth before crawling back into bed and Tara.

btw, thanks muchly about giving us erotica in the last chapter, upon my request I think erotica is a better description for what you have gifted us, it's moved beyond smut. So ... if I gently suggest that may be we have a little "good morning" noogies before getting back to the research table, would I be so lucky second time?
[br]

[Willow~Rosenberg]

Hey. Sorry about not leaving feedback with the last update. Classes are still blazing ahead with tons of work. Since you have posted teh next update, I will reply with feedback about this one.

Wow. Just wow. I think that this was the best Faith back story/ fill-in-the-gaps/answering questions that I've ever read. You really get Faith. I was wondering if perhaps Willow was going to get more time to talk to Faith. Faith had partially opened up to her in the training room the day after Willow's attempted suicide.

I think that this is exactly what Faith needed... an outside perspective. Telling Tara is one thing because Faith didn't really know Tara and Tara doen't know all of the history between Buffy and Faith. I think Faith will really value Willow's opinion on the matter because Willow, arguably, knows Buffy better than anyone. Willow would be objective enough to give Faith an outsider perspective, but is also an insider enough to know Buffy's mind and how she might handle Faith's attraction to her.

Also, loved the transition from Tara and Willow to Faith and Willow as well as the return to Tara and Willow. Loved the line about "breaking four fingers and an ankle." I can totally picture Willow saying that, and Faith agreeing. Excellent update as usual.

[russ]

Well, what a night it has been. After a day of trauma, a seafood feast, and a moment of environmental awareness from Buffy.

The gallows humour rings very true. That's one way survivors who wish to stay sane deal with death and its near-misses. Dawn, with her typical teenage prudery, is a perfect foil for the others' jokes. Unfortunately, poor Xander and Anya must suffer because of it.

I've mentioned it before and surely will again: I'm pleased muchly by the fact that Willow can see a need, take command to deal with it, and the others (especially Buffy) follow her lead. Canon Buffy would have been terribly threatened and insisted on being the one and only leader. Your Buffy is someone who can be part of a team, and is secure enough not to be threatened by her friends' abilities.

What to say about the "exposition and processing?" Amazing analysis on Tara's part, then the absolute rightness of Willow's "more together than broken" speech. They definitely are cooler than cool beans (cool beans?). They have found out what may be important information: that the enemy operates in real time, and that when thwarted of its hat trick, it lost its cool and became sloppy, less subtle in its attack.

And speaking of cool, I think the coolest thing is writing stories like this and giving them away. Almost as cool as having fall raspberries and giving them away.

As for "the erotic," well, there's the other best way for survivors to deal. (Hence my feeling sorry for X&A, though I wouldn't be surprised to see them sneaking down to the laundry room to wash the sheets later.) All I can say about this section is that you write it beautifully, then I start to stammer, say "Good Lord" and clean my glasses.

Just when you think there might be time for sleep, it's "no rest for weary Willow" time. Amazing that Faith is able to open up to Willow, of all people. What a minefield to be walking through: to try to say the right things and avoid saying the wrong things to someone who's sharing in this way. Mostly she just listens, asks a few questions, and lets Faith do most of the talking. A long way from any solutions for Faith, but maybe it helped being able to tell someone.

I love the last lines. Willow knows what's most important in life, and that she's got it. Super powers don't begin to compare.

Russ