Paths Diverged/Divulged

[darkmagicwillow]

I'd forgotten about Elizabeth, but I like how you're connecting this to your previous story. I think the caution Willow shows about telling them about her reality is appropriate, but I'd like to know more about their reality, stuff like is the Mayor still around even though he missed his Ascension date because of the Master.



Willow's appropriation of her vampire self's savings makes sense, but it also reminds me that she's legally dead, as you reinforce by her not attempting to fly to Austin. Of course, she'd better not speed on the way there either. And how is she going to convince Tara to go with her to an alternate reality where she's the one who is dead?

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 6/16/03 10:20 am

[justin]

The last couple of updates have been really good



I'm looking forward to when and meet



ETA: I've just read Dark Magic Willow's comments about how Willow will convince Tara to leave with her. Now IIRC when the other Tara was in the normal-verse she felt a connection to Willow. Or at least I remember people being upset that she'd have to return to her own universe without any Willow in it. So maybe she won't need much persuading to leave her current Willowless universe for one which is Willow-enabled. Or maybe I'm just totaly insane

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

Edited by: justin at: 6/16/03 10:48 am

[littlecrazy80]

I´m really curious about this story. I hope Tara isn´t with Elizabeth there. But I know in the end Willow and Tara will be together again.



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[Insanity]

Hey Debra!

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Insanity -

BTW: excellent English!

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*blush* Thank you, I'm trying real hard, and definitly all these fantastic storys in this board are helping a lot (improving my English). Reading and commenting these great, beautiful, awsome and f**king interesting stories is fun (and sometimes kinda stimulatin *eg*). So I think I owe you *gg*

But on to the update:

It's interesting to learn about the alternate universe. What's different and what is the same. There are a lot of possibilities.

The part with the internet from the school made me laugh real hard. Oh and I forgot about Elizabth, but it's kinda logical. *sigh* I guess... Now... I'm really eager to learn how it will all work out for our girls.



Insanity



P.S.: I may say Debra? Can I?

"Nobody messes with my girl!"Tara, Bargaining

[skeeter451]

Boy this is now making me real nervous. I mean, Tara's dead...the one in Texas is not Willow's Tara and even though she had felt like her life was missing someone when she traveled to the other world and first met Willow, doesn't mean this doesn't have the potential to end in disaster.



Great job, Debra.

Susan



Skeeter451@mysticmuse.net

The Mystic Muse Fan Fiction Site

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Debra~~ Oh, my, my, my...Looks who's back in town! You know, I remember discussing E-beth w/ you back in the first part of this story, and I believe you alluded to her playing a rather unique role. This just gets curiouser and curiouser!



One of the things I've always loved about the Buffy-verse is its myriad possibilities for alternate realities AND, more intriguingly to me, alternate personalities. These updates are a fantastic example of those possibilities.



Nice touches of humor, too, w/ such things as: "Come again?” Xander prompted his ex-girlfriend.



“Not with you chicken,” she shot back. Ah, yes...



Good stuff, Debra!

Mary

[The Rose24]

Ugh! Elizabeth is back?



Things are starting to make more sense now. I looking forward to seeing if W/T will have that same spark as in their original meeting.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[shuyaku]

Elizabeth... Huh. Certainly didn't see that coming. It's kinda funny how disliked her character is - she was never really a threat in your regular Buffyverse except to Willow and her slightly overactive imagination. But now in the Wishverse, she is like the 'Big Bad' - well Willow's very own Big Bad at least What a wonderful way of really tying in your original story to the sequel.



DMW raises the point that is was a good thing Willow didn't try to fly because she is legally dead in the Wishverse. I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this. If she were 'legally' dead, Willow shouldn't have been able to close out VW's savings accounts (VW probably didn't have a will, but I'm sure something would have been done with the money). My 2 cents anyway



Can hardly wait for Tara's appearance!



-shuyaku

[bluewillowwitch]

JustSkipIt,

Love the update! Flashbacks were cool. I can't wait to see what happens when finds . Update soon, please?





bluewillowwitch

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"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[Grimaldi]

loved the update



i liked the conversation between Willow and Faith, i really hope that Tara isn't with Elizabeth that she went to Austin for another reason

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps

[xita]

Yay update, thank you



Well if this Tara is the one who had been with michelle before she saw Willow in our Willow's universe, then I don't see her dating her sister now. I think Tara might have just needed a familiar face around. I am hoping she's still waiting for someone who made her feel like Willow did.

-----------------------------------
Leora......Leora....

[Stroke of Luck]

Oh no not Elizabeth again I dont like her!!!!!



Hmmm I hope she and Tara are not a couple.....oh now W&T belong to each other....



More soon i want to what happens next!



Cu

SoL/Natti



This is a duet, Amber! You need to sing!"- Tony

[darkmagicwillow]

Justin, there was definitely chemistry between Willow and altTara, but that doesn't mean it'll be easy. My forecast includes a high chance of NMR-style angstiness ahead.



As for the savings account, banks have to keep them for several years and I suspect Willow's family weren't around to close it after the advent of the Master and VW. Many banks don't require a government photo ID to close your account, while airlines do.

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[WTJunkie]

I just finished reading Season 3 Y'all today, and went right into reading this sequel. I now see that your epic season 3 adventure was simply the setup for this. It all makes sense! I know some people might be worried that Willow is going after a "substitute Tara" but the way this has been setup, I don't think that is the case. I look at the 2 taras are kind of like when Xander was split in two - they were both equally Xander. Also the fact that Tara Too was sort of "marooned" in her wishverse without a Willow, sort of plays on theme that she is lost until her other half can find her. Just as the first chapter states: Willow without Tara is nonsensical. They have to find each other. All this alternate dimension stuff also explains the mysterious conversations Willow had with tara's mother regarding the true nature of reality. She knew that a fracture was coming - but the important thing is they find each other again and make their own reality. Yay! I also like the fact that travelling across dimensions to find your lost love is also reminiscent of the Orpheus myth - true love defies death, in one way or another. You've really setup an intriguing story with epic themes.



My only confusion is that in Season3 Y'all, it was indicated that in the Willow-less wishverse, Tara ended up with Michelle, not her older sister Elisabeth. So did something change, or is it just more smoke and mirrors?

[TexanZeppo256]

Quote: WTJunkie

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I know some people might be worried that Willow is going after a "substitute Tara" but the way this has been setup, I don't think that is the case. I look at the 2 taras are kind of like when Xander was split in two - they were both equally Xander. Also the fact that Tara Too was sort of "marooned" in her wishverse without a Willow, sort of plays on theme that she is lost until her other half can find her.

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Umm... two things, one: Yes both xanders were both equally "Xander", but they were also different in several key areas. I really look forward to how Willow will come to grips with both the death of Her Tara while reconciling with the differences of "Tara 2". Something akin to Doppleganger Redux, perhaps? Second thing: Willow may know that she's destined to be with Tara -no matter which universe she comes from- but "Tara 2" doesn't. Besides, Tara2 [most likely] has a very steady girlfriend of at least 3 years (assuming she hooked up with Elizabeth around the end of Season 3 Y'all). That's not exactly something that you can just fling aside with ease, even IF you ARE sure of your feelings, which Tara2 won't be.



I know I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I keep envisioning myself with a girlfriend, blissful and happy, when all of a sudden this mystery girl comes from nowhere and says, "Hi! You don't know me now, but in another dimension we were soulmates, but then you died in my arms so I went on a killing rampage and almost destroyed the world but was stopped so instead I traveled into this dimension so we can be lovers again!" EVEN IF I believed her, felt that we were connected on some level, that's still a hell of a lot of information to take in all at one go. It's going to be a very slow and complicated process, and quite frankly I'm going to love every second of it.



... but no pressure, k?

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T: Ego tam aberraveram...

W: Te repperi. Semper te reperiam.



(Translated from "The Gift")

Edited by: TexanZeppo256 at: 6/18/03 1:32 am

[justin]

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"Hi! You don't know me now, but in another dimension we were soulmates, but then you died in my arms so I went on a killing rampage and almost destroyed the world but was stopped so instead I traveled into this dimension so we can be lovers again!"

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Actually that didn't happen in this version. Willow never became a crackwhore and therefore didn't go all dark phoenixy. Though aside from that you're right, it will be rather a lot for her to take in.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[JustSkipIt]

Well, I’m listening to the new Annie Lenox (beautiful & tragic!) and taking a break from work so I thought I’d answer some great comments.



DMW – First again! Are you working these days? Ok, none of my business but I always appreciate your insightful and intelligent comments. I’m glad you like the connection as I’m trying to do it pretty tightly. Sorry to say you won’t be getting any more information about the Mayor’s non-ascension…



You are right; Willow is legally dead although the fact that she brought her id from the other world, while not legally valid would probably do in a pinch.

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And how is she going to convince Tara to go with her to an alternate reality where she's the one who is dead?

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Yes, yes, yes! This isn’t like getting the woman who always wanted to go to Texas A&M to go to UC Sunnydale. This is a level beyond that: getting someone to leave their world for you. It’s a totally different deal and you are right to question whether Willow can achieve that.



Justin – I’m glad you liked the updates. It will be a few more postings before they meet so more focus on Willow. But trust me they will meet soon. You are totally correct that the Tara from the alternate universe felt a connection to Willow but as other readers are pointing out, this woman has an entire life in this world. So it could get complicated…



Romy – Yes, you are completely right and thanks for pointing out that all Kitten stories end with W&T happy forever. Tara may or may not be with Elizabeth: I’m not saying.



Insanity – You are very welcome. I am somewhat amazed by the people on this board who speak other languages as a first language and read/write in English. I’m terrible at languages. I minored in Latin in college (not that that is terribly useful in conversation) and have taken sign language but I forget languages faster than I learn them so I’m still uni-language. So I say for you.

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It's interesting to learn about the alternate universe. What's different and what is the same. There are a lot of possibilities.

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Exactly. Part of my point throughout will be that it’s hard to predict the things that will be different or the same in another world. I’ll be revealing them slowly and hope it’s fun to learn…



Definitely call me Debra.



Susan – Excellent point about the potential for disaster. Willow is traveling towards a woman who she knows very little about. She only knows Tara as she was until the point at which the two women diverge (when Willow went to school). But Willow is desperate and that’s why she is willing to try. I know that the first few postings were incredibly dark but part of the reason for that was that I wanted to make it understandable that Willow would make such a crazy plan for getting this other Tara due to her desperation. Thanks for reading!



Mary – Tee hee. Yes the return of the dreaded and hated Elizabeth! I agree with you about the realities and am loving the work with it. Writing this is a riot! Glad you liked the update and the humor.



The Rose24 – Is she? The question is: “is Elizabeth really back or is that just Willow’s assumption?” Could there be another explanation for Tara’s being in Austin? If they are making sense, I’m not sure I’m writing it right.



Shuyaku – Yep, the dreaded Elizabeth returns (or so we think…). But think about this: is she actually a big bad or still only in Willow’s overactive imagination? I’m such a tease…



I think it would probably be pretty easy for her to go get VW’s money. She has id and social security card from her universe which would match and I doubt that the bank would try that hard to check it out. The money has just been sitting for years and they would give it to her if she signed for it.



bluewillowwitch – I’m glad you liked. W&T in a few more updates. I’m glad you like the flashbacks as they will permeate this story.



Grimaldi – Thanks for bringing up the possibility that Tara is in Austin for another reason. Good point. Glad you liked W&F conversation.



Xita – Great thoughts! Yes, it’s hard to imagine Tara as the type of woman who would date first one sister and then the other (unless they all worked that out I guess).

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I am hoping she's still waiting for someone who made her feel like Willow did.

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I find that thought both great and depressing. On one hand it is really beautiful if Tara is still waiting for a/her soulmate. But on the other, has she just been pining for 3 years? That’s kind of sad. We’ll see though. Thanks for commenting.



Natti – Seems like a unanimous vote against Tara & Elizabeth being together.



DMW – Wow, I’m getting forecasts now huh? Cool. Yes definitely chemistry in the first story and I’ll keep my mouth (or fingers) shut about the angst upcoming…



WTJunkie – Well welcome. Glad to have you here.

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I now see that your epic season 3 adventure was simply the setup for this.

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That’s an interesting way to think of it. I’d be likely to say that actually season 3 is a self-contained story but that the sequel depends completely on it. I can’t imagine this fic making any sense to a reader who hadn’t read Y’all. But you are right that the ties to Season 3 are very tight.



I wouldn’t say that these Taras are like the split Xander but they are very tightly related to each other.

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All this alternate dimension stuff also explains the mysterious conversations Willow had with tara's mother regarding the true nature of reality.

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Yes, yes, yes! What is the true reality? What causes it? Which one is the real one? How many more are there? These are facinating questions and I hope will come up throughout this exercise.

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My only confusion is that in Season3 Y'all, it was indicated that in the Willow-less wishverse, Tara ended up with Michelle, not her older sister Elisabeth. So did something change, or is it just more smoke and mirrors?

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Excellent question. It might be important at this point to ask yourself what we know as opposed to what we/Willow assume.



Thanks for your wonderfully intelligent and intriguing points. I look forward to more comments from you in the future. I think you will like it…



TexanZeppo256 – Welcome to our party!

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I really look forward to how Willow will come to grips with both the death of Her Tara while reconciling with the differences of "Tara 2".

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Yes you are right. Those are going to be important themes to be covered. I haven’t read Doppleganger Redux although I have heard good things about it so it’s hard to say how this will be similar.

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Second thing: Willow may know that she's destined to be with Tara -no matter which universe she comes from- but "Tara 2" doesn't. Besides, Tara2 [most likely] has a very steady girlfriend of at least 3 years (assuming she hooked up with Elizabeth around the end of Season 3 Y'all). That's not exactly something that you can just fling aside with ease, even IF you ARE sure of your feelings, which Tara2 won't be.

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Great points. We’ll have to see how that goes…



I’m glad you are looking forward to the process because you are right; it is complicated. Thanks for reading and commenting.



PS: Sig= “I got so lost.” “I found you. I will always find you”?



PPS: Texan? Where about if you want to say.



Justin – Great point that Willow never went crazy dark murder but still Zeppo is right that it would be a strange conversation.

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Well there's not even breathing room between pleasure and pain. -- Aerosmith.

[skeeter451]

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Yes, yes, yes! What is the true reality? What causes it? Which one is the real one? How many more are there? These are facinating questions and I hope will come up throughout this exercise.

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While working on mine and CN's To Those Who Wield I thought a lot about the nature of reality, especially the Wishverse. I kind of see it more as a parallel universe rather than an alternate universe.



Before Cordelia's wish, that world never existed. But when Anya changed the real world, it forced a split, a divergence, therefore creating two separate, but parallel universes. Kinda like a single line moving forward until it splits in two, and then each going in its own direction. The split came when Anya forced the conditions of the second universe...Buffy never coming to Sunnydale.



Anyway...that's how in our story I justified using things like similar dialogue and events...especially when Vampire Willow and Tara first meet. But things might be slightly different, such as Miss Kitty being Willow's cat.



Anyway, playing with this kind of stuff is fun and anyone who has read Stephen Hawking knows how much fun he has with it, too. (Hmmm...I know he's a trek fan, but I wonder if he's a Buffy fan also?)

Susan



Skeeter451@mysticmuse.net

The Mystic Muse Fan Fiction Site

[darkmagicwillow]

I'd love to see more of your thoughts on the true nature of reality in this story. Oh, and if you haven't read Tempus Fugit, I highly recommend it as it's by far the best fic I've read on this subject and it's sufficiently far from what you're doing that I don't think you'd need to worry about being spoiled.



There are some wonderfully interesting ideas in physics, including the idea that effectively other universes are right here. We perceive the universe exclusively through the electromagnetic force, either directly (light) or indirectly (touch being the result of electrostatic repulsion of atoms, chemical senses like smell and taste likewise result from the electromagnetic force.)



But 90% of the universe is dark matter, which we can't see or touch, like the billions of neutrinos raining from the sun and falling through your body as you read this sentence. We only know it's there from incredibly difficult to measure weak nuclear interactions, or indirectly through the fact that galaxies mass much more than the sum of their visible components. What's happening out there that we can't see? Are there stranger lifeforms than any we do see, walking through us without noticing every day?

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/16/03 3:20 pm

[WTJunkie]

yes yes thats what I was getting at when I made the Xander comment, but you explained it better. Using Xander as an example is a bit more complicated since the split represented two different facets of his personality. But what I was getting at was the fact that the 2 Tara's haven't always existed separately. Before the wish happened, Tara2 didn't exist. She was split off from the original, so to speak. They were once ONE, so whose to say which one is the real one? The fact that "our" Tara got to stay behind in the "original" reality is just a technicality. Both tara's are Tara. Yes this concept can give you a headache, but as a Star trek Fan, I've dealt with this before. Reminds me of when Riker was split in two - and there was no alternate dimension involved. But it certainly begged the question, which one is the real one? BOTH.



And yes, it seems hard to swallow that Tara2 will accept this and come along for the ride - but thats what we have amazingly talented Kitten writers for. Its going to take one mother of an love story to get Tara2 to follow Willow. And won't that be fun to read?

[darkmagicwillow]

The both thing is clear and obvious, just a different perspective than our usual one, as every time a cell divides it produces two new cells, both of which have equal claims to being the original or true cell. Farscape dealt with this wonderfully in its season 3 (think that's the right number--it's the one on SF at the moment.)

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[TexanZeppo256]

JustSkipIt

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PS: Sig= “I got so lost.” “I found you. I will always find you”?

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Yeppers! I had a tough time figuring out how to translate that first idiom, so I jury rigged one instead. I also would have chosen "invenire" for "to find", but I found that had more of a "to invent" or "to stumble across" connotation.



JustSkipIt

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PPS: Texan? Where about if you want to say.

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Not quite next to Houston.



skeeter451 :

Really? Curious... I'm a firm believer in the "many worlds" theory of physics, so in my mind, when Cordelia made her wish, all that happened was that Anya opened a transdimensional portal and threw herself and Cordy into the Vamp-Willow parallel universe. When Giles smashed Anya's amulet, she got flung back into the original BtVS universe. But then, that's just me and my opinion/religion. Lol, I pray to the physics gods Wheeler and Feynman.



Oh, and Hawking a Buffy fan? Willing to put money against it.



Post more later.

---------------------------------



T: Ego tam aberraveram...

W: Te repperi. Semper te reperiam.



(Translated from "The Gift")

[skeeter451]

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Really? Curious... I'm a firm believer in the "many worlds" theory of physics, so in my mind, when Cordelia made her wish, all that happened was that Anya opened a transdimensional portal and threw herself and Cordy into the Vamp-Willow parallel universe. When Giles smashed Anya's amulet, she got flung back into the original BtVS universe. But then, that's just me and my opinion/religion. Lol, I pray to the physics gods Wheeler and Feynman

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But what about the Anya of that universe? When Anya tried to retrieve her necklace she focused the spell on a point before it was shattered. Wouldn't it have been much easier for her just to try to snatch the other Anya's necklace?

Susan



Skeeter451@mysticmuse.net

The Mystic Muse Fan Fiction Site

[darkmagicwillow]

I like your explanation as it seems simpler and easier to drop someone into a parallel universe than to retroactively create one. However, it's worth noting that Everett and Wheeler's Many Worlds idea is not a theory, but simply a philosophical interpretation of the theory of quantum mechanics, i.e. it has no content: it makes no testable predictions and there is no way to distinguish it from the classical Copenhagan interpretation of Bohr or from modern ideas like Gell-Mann, Omnes, and Griffiths' Coherent Histories approach. As for the religion comment, I'm not sure if Wheeler believes in Many Worlds or just thought it a cool idea, though I should've asked him when I had the chance. Oh well, I was younger and more easily overwhelmed by fame at the time.

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[JustSkipIt]

Oh wow! An entire conversation on the nature of alternative realities and physics and all that. A lot of it is over my little ole head but I’m totally thrilled to see the conversation happening. I’ll toss in my probably sophomoric thoughts.



Susan – What is the difference in a parallel universe and an alternative universe?

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Before Cordelia's wish, that world never existed. But when Anya changed the real world, it forced a split, a divergence, therefore creating two separate, but parallel universes. Kinda like a single line moving forward until it splits in two, and then each going in its own direction.

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I think your analogy is brilliant. Exactly like a line that splits in two. What is interesting is that in my story the WishVerse is different from the Buffyverse at the moment that Buffy arrived in Sunnydale in the Buffyverse, right? But while the change alters Sunnydale at that moment, there is no divergence in Texas (for Tara Too) until the moment that Willow would have gotten off the train or perhaps the moment that Tara would have driven into town to pick her up. Hmmm, maybe not putting Willow’s stuff in her room before Willow arrived is the instant that creates the second Tara (splitting from the Tara).



Personally I think that you can “justify” just about anything. If you think about it every piece of fic is an AU in some way. Otherwise all you could do is type the transcript of the show which would be boring and no one would read it. So every story uses some premise to change the BuffyVerse and create on it’s own. So really EVERY story veers from canon. Some do it more than others. But we know that there are probably threads of consistency that will and can and do and should run through every fic. Although we can accept that Tara is a witch or a student or a punk girl and Willow is a witch or a vampire or an administrative assistant, could you accept a story that said, “Willow shined her dark brown eyes at the mesmerizing brunette. Tara smiled shyly back through her dark bangs…” I’ve never seen it.



DMW – Good luck with the job search. I read TF on your recommendation in the rec thread. First s4 then s7 and thought it was brilliant. I probably need to read it a few more times to really get to the causality of everything. At the end I got that there is only one reality but every reality exists simultaneously within that one which I love. If I misinterpreted it, then I still love that interpretation.



Note: the following might not make sense to non-programmers.

I read your reply a few times and thought, “wow, that is way over my freakin head.” But then I started thinking about the SA article about parallel universes. And I started to think, what if not only are the other realitities overlapping with us since we aren’t very efficient in the way we use space on a molecular level, but what if all the universes use components like objects (yes, from programming perspective)? So you have a person object and then you have a Debra object which inherits from the person object. You also have a building and tree and car object and from those you have a Debra’s house and Oak Tree and 2003 Toyota Camry objects which inherit from the objects. Ok, now the universe is filled with these objects. They take fewer resources because of inheritance and reuse right? What if some of them are actually overlapping in multiple realitites. So if there is another reality which uses an exact copy of my dog, there is only one dog in both realities which would save on the space required to populate all the alternative universes.



I have no idea if that made any sense…. Hope so.



WTJunkie and DMW – As I read your comments I was thinking, “but what makes that the real one?” and then you got there in the next sentence. Willow is traveling to this dimension as if she thinks that she will bring the other Tara back to her real world but to Tara, this is the real world. She has been existing and living and loving her entire life there. So to her it is the real world. Or as DMW points out, both are real.



TexanZeppo256, Susan, DMW – Near houston? Cool. So let’s see 256 could be one more than the # of counties in Texas or 2^8…



That’s an interesting viewpoint about the alternative universe already existing and Anya just moving them into it. I’ve never really thought of it that way but that the universe was created at the moment of the wish. Perhaps a new universe is created with each choice we make. Maybe we have already each created 100,000 universes today by eating corn flakes rather than oatmeal and petting the dog and turning right at the stop sign…



But also, if Anya had just moved them into the other universe, wouldn’t there have not only been an Anya there but a Cordelia also? If the universe already contains the person making the wish wouldn’t the vengeance demon always be just duplicating that person in two versions in the destination world?



Awesome discussion! Loving it.

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Well there's not even breathing room between pleasure and pain. -- Aerosmith.

[JustSkipIt]

Title – Paths Diverged/Divulged Part 5– Driving the Rest of the Way



Author– JustSkipit - Debra



Spoilers–Season 6



Rating– Part 5 - PG



Disclaimer – Guess what, I don’t own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew. Any similarity to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental and fortunate. Also Rachel thinks I should point out that I don’t make any money from this…



Thoughts in italics!



Flashbacks and dreams indented





Willow took the drive slowly and enjoyed the scenery. She had only made the drive once before as she and Tara drove from the farm to Sunnydale before starting college to transport Tara’s horse, Chestnut, to Sunnydale. Other than that time, they always flew or took the train to visit Tara’s family. She stopped driving whenever she wanted for coffee or food or just to sit at a café and enjoy the sunshine.



A few times she recognized a spot where she and Tara had stopped. Each time she cried silently as she missed so deeply and painfully the woman who was her everything. At other times she was excited and encouraged at the possibilities in front of her. If she could just find the other Tara, she would have the chance to be with her and bring her back to her Sunnydale. Each evening she stopped driving before it got dark and took a walk through a park or field to soak in the energy of nature. She could feel her life force returning as she nourished herself with good food (and quite a bit of junk), abundant sleep, and the energy of the earth.



On the second day she took a picnic lunch to a field where she spread a blanket and some crystals. After eating she cast a circle and attempted to utilize her special gift. She had found some years earlier that she could call animals to her and communicate with them in a non-verbal way. Her strongest connection was with birds and she always felt at home and powerful when she was with them. She had not utilized her gift since before Tara’s death and wondered if she had lost any power or grace. As three falcons swooped down to perch on her blanket she held out her arm and felt one land there softly. She took the time to bond with the birds and felt the joy she always felt when they were near her.



Even though she took her time she crossed the border into Texas shortly before stopping to rest on the second day. By mid-afternoon of the third day she was in the Texas Hill Country not far from where she had gone to school and met her lover. With about two hours to go she knew that it was time to call Tara. She got out of her car and used a pay phone to dial the number, again having to give herself an encouragement talk: Oh Goddess, what if she answers? What if she doesn’t answer? What if Bethie answers? Just make the call Willow. For God’s sake! she babbled in her mind until she dialed the phone.



Tara didn’t answer the phone but another woman’s voice came on, “Hello?”



Willow swallowed heavily as she asked for Tara, “is, isTara there?”



“No she’s at class. Can I take a message?”



Willow spoke as quickly and clearly as she could as her world swirled around her: “no thank you.” She hung up and collapsed back into the driver’s seat, leaning her head forward on the steering wheel. She knew that voice; she had heard it millions of times in the past four years. Perhaps most memorably three months ago:

“Willow?” Michelle kneeled down in front of the redhead to get her attention.



Willow looked up dully from her spot on the couch. Michelle was kneeling down trying to talk to her but it was so hard to understand what the girl was saying. Eliza stood behind her lover, her hand brushing her long brown hair. Both girls had red swollen eyes and Willow wondered absently what her own eyes must look like. She looked around the room.



Donnie sat near her on the couch, his head in his hands as if he could not stand the pain and couldn’t visit with one more mourner. Buffy and Dawn stood by the food moving bowls and plates from side to side as if it would make any difference, as if anyone was eating anyway. Xander sat on the floor with Donnie’s daughter Cleo on his lap, looking at photo albums filled with Tara’s picture. We all look like zombies Willow thought. Then it occurred to her that she needed to breathe in and out. It seemed in the past 48 hours that if she forgot to do just that that she would just stop. While she couldn’t stand the thought of going on, she didn’t know how to stop either so occasionally she reminded herself to breathe in and then out.



“Willow?” Michelle repeated as Eliza moved to sit next to the redhead on the couch.



Willow looked up nodding that she was listening.



“We need to go,” she started.



“We both have finals in the morning,” Eliza explained.



“Finals,” Willow repeated amazed that there were places in the world, all over the world actually, where life was going on--a place where finals still mattered.



“It’s a few hour drive and it’s getting dark,” Michelle attempted to excuse their early departure.



“You should go,” Willow whispered agreeing with the younger girls.



“We can come back next week if you need help taking care of anything,” Eliza kindly offered.



“Too soon,” Willow answered as she started to cry.



“Right, it’s too soon,” Michelle agreed. She started to stroke her thumb along the redhead’s jaw as she offered, “you could come stay with us as long as you want. Maybe do your fall semester or even summer at USC?”



“We have the spare room,” Eliza encouraged.



“Thanks,” Willow answered sincerely. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought she should probably walk the girls to the door but she just couldn’t get her legs to move.



First Eliza and then Michelle gave her a long hug. Willow noted the tears falling unstoppingly from Michelle’s eyes as she whispered, “I love you.” Willow could only nod at her friend and watch as the girls left the Summers house.

Michelle? Willow couldn’t believe it. And yet she could. It made perfect sense that Tara would be with Michelle. After all, the Tara in this world had been with Michelle for as long as Tara and Willow had dated. That much had been clear during the one visit Willow had had from this Tara:

Tara sank tiredly into Willow’s desk chair as she sighed. “This has b-b-been a strange day,” she repeated.



Willow sat down on the bed as she asked, “can you tell me about it?” This was so strange. Here she was in a room with the woman she loved and she felt like she couldn’t even touch her. It was obvious that Tara was largely uncomfortable with the redhead although she had agreed to come in the room and talk to her. That was something at least. In addition to looking at the floor rather than at Willow, she was continually playing with her hair band. She kept taking it off and putting it back on. The redhead recognized it as one that Tara and her mother had made when she was younger. Perhaps Anya had cast some kind of spell on her as they were leaving. No, that couldn’t be. Tara had seemed fine until Willow had gone to the computer lab.



Tara began speaking in her stuttering voice as she tried to put her thoughts together: “I took Chestnut for a l-l-long r-r-ride. When I c-c-came back, Chelle was r-r-really weird.”



“Weird how?” Willow prompted



“Well, s-s-she pretended s-s-she d-d-didn’t know me.” Tara reconsidered, “n-n-no. Not that she d-d-didn’t know me. She p-p-played like s-s-she’s not my g-g-girlfriend.”



Willow’s mouth hung open as she repeated, “played like she’s not your girlfriend?”



“R-r-right,” Tara confirmed, “then you act l-l-like I am y-y-your girlfriend. And you have a r-r-room that’s being used for s-s-storage.” The blonde looked around the room again: “this is a r-r-really elaborate j-j-joke.”



“I’m not sure who it’s a joke on ba-Tara,” Willow corrected herself. “Um Tara, I don’t really know what’s going on but no one’s playing a joke. Michelle isn’t your girlfriend. I am.”



Tara laughed at that, “y-y-you think I d-d-don’t know who my g-g-girlfriend is? Look. This is s-s-silly. Let’s go v-v-visit Michelle. Ok?” Willow nodded and both girls got up and walked from the room.

So that at least explained why Tara was in Austin. Michelle must have come to UT because Elizabeth was there and Tara came with her. Did Chelle get a track scholarship to UT in this world? Did she turn down USC?



Willow looked up to find herself on a familiar street. She had continued driving even as her mind remembered so much and began to accept that in this world, she had already lost Tara. Or that she was losing her again. She pulled her car into a space and checked into the hotel feeling completely exhausted. She was so tired she didn’t even take the time to appreciate the beauty of the courtyard. It wasn’t decorated with Christmas lights as it had been the first time she had visited but still would have been beautiful.



Instead the redhead moved immediately to the bed and cried herself to sleep as she mourned again the death of her lover.

---

Well there's not even breathing room between pleasure and pain. -- Aerosmith.

Edited by: JustSkipIt at: 7/13/03 7:08 pm

[littlecrazy80]

I love this story. It´s great that you tell what happens in the last seasons with flashbacks.



So this Tara is still with Michelle together?



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[shuyaku]

Okay, now you've got me cryin' all over my keyboard again. The flashback works perfectly here (esp. since I had kinda forgotten about that whole exchange about Chelle and TaraToo being girlfriends ). It also really demonstrates how totally desperate Willow is to get Tara back. In the Wishverse, if TT (TaraToo) and Chelle have been together this whole time I think a lot of people would have just cast a spell right back to their own dimension and been done with it. But of course Willow CAN'T do that. She simply can't.



Maybe Chelle and TT are just friends now and sharing a room out of necessity... I mean this is a Wishverse, right? I can indulge in a little wishful thinking on my part



-shuyaku



ps: I almost forgot to mention I love this fic!!

[Insanity]

Hey Debra!



Wonderful update.

So,Tara is still with Michelle. That makes perfect sense. Damn! I like Michelle and I know Willow likes her, too. Makes it more complicated, I guess.



And the funeral-scene....*sigh* a very great flashback.

Will there be more flashbacks? To show what happened in the three months after Taras death?



Insanity

"Nobody messes with my girl!"Tara, Bargaining

[darkmagicwillow]

I liked the quiet, reflective and melancholy atmosphere of Willow's cross-country journey. Discovering Michelle's presence hurt, especially as Willow's going to have trouble trying to tear away from someone who's been (in her AU) her friend for 5 years and was there for her after Tara's death, but it was also something I expected so I'm not feeling any worse about Willow's prospects than when I started, and who knows, maybe Tara and Chelle aren't dating any longer?



As for the Many Worlds idea, you've got it just right: every time a choice is made, or technically, a quantum system is observed, a universe is created for each and every possibility. Your reusable object-oriented universe idea is great; I'd tie it back to Platonic ideals and their realizations.



Actually, at a lower level, you may be right, as elementary particles like electrons and quarks are completely identical. One physicist suggested that there is only one electron in the universe and that's why they're all the same; it's just moving back and forth in time (anti-particles are equivalent to time-reversed normal particles.)

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 6/19/03 11:17 am