As Time Goes By

[GayNow]

And might I add ... holy crap.

I'd like to see your "holy crap" and raise you a "holy fuck!"

[justin]

I see that holy crap and holy fuck and raise a

OKay it is now official, you are evil

Well you certainly know how to grab a readers attention. I mean after this

"I hope I'm morally tasty enough," Dawn said, ostensibly as a joke but with what Willow knew was genuine fear. They had been her last words to Willow before everything began, and they kept coming back to her now as she stood beside the grave and tried to remember again how this had happened.

I don't think anyones going to be able to look away.

So it sensed them snatching Xander from it's grasp and was able to do something to Dawn. Whatever it was it sounded nasty.

At first I thought that the thoughts were Willow's till she realised the BB was still around, then I realised it had to be attacking Faith. It definitely scores high on the arrogance scale, hanging around even though it must have known it was a trap.

So why did it do it's suicide inducing thing with Faith, rather than repeating whatever it had done to Dawn? That certainly seemed to be quicker and to be less effort. Maybe because, despite being nasty, it's not permanent.

Then comes the kicker, that in a sense everything they were doing was moot. It had always only taken ten victims so I guess it must have been really pissed at them to change it's routine and go after extra victims. Which means it probably would have come after Faith, Dawn & Xander even if they hadn't set up the trap.

Of course there victory wasn't entirely valueless since this has presumably stopped the BB from returning in the future. Though protecting future generations will probably be small comfort to Buffy and the others.

Now for the big question. Whose grave is it? Dawn's still alive at the end of the update, so is it one of the suicides? Of course we don't know when the funeral being referred to is taking place, or what's happened between the end of the update and when it takes place.

[russ]

Oh, the drama! Oh, the mythic grandeur! Oh, the humanity!

You're not kidding. So glad you warned us of the intense stuff.

We know from the opening sentence that something has gone dreadfully wrong. The "she stood beside the grave" line sets a fairly ominous mood.

This BB certainly reacts quickly; as soon as Xander is pulled away, it realises what's happened, and reacts in a totally unexpected way.

Until later events prove otherwise, I'm going on the assumption that Dawn's psyche has been destroyed, that the body that went to the hospital is going to remain an empty shell until it finally stops breathing. Sure hope I'm wrong. Your description of her destruction is perhaps the most chilling thing you've ever written. I won't try to describe the emotions it's produced, only to say that it's a good thing I've got this sinus cold; between it and the drugs I'm a little numbed.

And then the last attack. I never believed that Faith was immune because of her role in Kyra's destiny. This thing is evil, what does it care for the Anadeis' plans? Then to learn at the end that it was all for naught, that it had already taken its last two. This was always the weak point in the plan; there's no way they could even begin to protect anyone outside their group. So the attacks on Xander, Dawn, and Faith were not necessary for the ten it sought, they were just a way of getting back at those who had thwarted it.

I notice that the attack on Faith is the same as that on Tara; it's speaking to her in the second person rather than the first. Must be a quick decision, acting in haste again.

Buffy really steps up here. Rather than being paralyzed by what's happened to Dawn, she turns the full force of her personality to saving Faith.

And then Faith's tortured mind poured into Buffy's, taking her breath away, as grief and fear and love so sharp it tore through the fabric of her soul spun and fought and finally came to rest.

"I have her!"

Prophetic words, I think.

So, the "grotesque energy" is gone, never to return. But at what cost! Of everything in this powerful chapter, the image of the bereaved father stands out:

Giles held her with infinite gentleness, murmuring softly against her hair.

There's a lot more to this tale than can be summed up in an epilogue. But then, you're already preparing the next story, right? I conclude by seconding Paul's comment: holy crap indeed.

Russ

[vix84]

I'd like to be able to call that an enjoyable read but disturbing would be more apt. I spent the whole time freaking out.

I'm curious about whatever it was that the BB did to Dawn, and why it hasn't drained/fed on others. I'd also like to know where his big tupperware box shot off to. Hell?

The sad thing for Willow and Tara is that when they went to pull Xander and Dawn out of their bodies, they didn't realise the importance of the order they pulled them in. I would have expected, with her being younger and probably weaker, they would have wanted to take Dawn out of there as soon as possible. But I guess either way things would have sucked. (ETA: Duh, upon re-reading (now that I'm calmer) I see that they went for him first because he was about to do the deed. Still, as soon as they both went quiet I would have gone for Dawn.)

The writing in this update is powerful and deeply depressing. The description of the howl, of those three different deaths, as well as Tara telling Willow about the other two suicides, was horrifying.

I'm nervously awaiting the next update, where I know that things will be peachy and Dawn will wake up in the hospital, tired but pleased, much like after a volleyball game.

*rushes off to take a sedative after reading*

[ShyTemptress]

Aurgh to you. I knew, well kinda, that something was gonna happen to Faith. Go me! It's my birthday! I knew from the moment it started that it was her. I hate how it happened. But I see how Willow got so much further in the attempts. I always suspected it to be something like that.

And still Kyra watched, in utter silence, though Willow thought for one moment that she had seen one tiny hand raised and--impossibly--soft light spilling out of her fingers, as if they were casting the most insubstantial of translucent, silken threads.

Go midget power... I could finally see that Kyra had finally gained her powers

If you love her, if you really love her, do this. Now.

But why was it so hard to move?

That and this finally lead me to believe that Kyra had her powers.

One more breath, and then--

She couldn't move, she was held there as if rooted...

I mean that completely states in no question she has them. It's amazing that she knew exactly what to do. And its so promising that even though she's so young she can compete with the powers of the BB and save Faith. I'm so happy everything, kinda, worked out. But I'm also curious as to who's grave that was in the beggining of the story. I could be Dawn or Xanders, cause that whole update on a whole was a flashback... I think. Okay, now that I read back i'm not sure.

Epilogue?!?! Oh heck naw.... we don't even know what happened!! Unless you're working for a 20 page thing you gotta have at LEAST 20 more chapters. Uh-huh. yeps

Kristen

[cooper]

Mary,

I would also like to add a holy crap! I have been lurking, but not replying for a while now. I think what I love about this story and others of yours is that you never know what to expect. I couldn't see this story ending without Kyra as the guardian, but I didn't quite know how it would happen. I also can't wait to see how the B/F dynamic works out. While I love Faith, Buffy has never been a character I have enjoyed. I do really like her in your story however.

cooper

[Willow~Rosenberg]

Holy freaking crap!

When you said intense, you weren't joking. As soon as I read the first paragraph, I was anxious to find out what happened. This update was so well-written, it had me glued to the monitor.

So many things happened in that short amount of time. Wow. Just wow. And poor Dawnie. Buffy's got so much on her plate now with Dawn and then housing Faith's thoughts. She definitely knows now about Faith's feelings, there's no way that she could not know.

And Kyra's the Guardian now. Let's kick up the resident Wiccans' stress level, not to mention the two Slayers and the rest of the Scooby gang.

I don't know what else to say. I'm shocked.

[Patches]

Saw the waterfall, but missed the jagged cliff face behind it!! Damn. Somehow I knew they were going to get burned, but vengence is mine, sayeth the BB...

More later if I can. Mary, this was blood brilliant!

Patches

[wimpy0729]

Wow! That was literally spine tingling. I had goosebumps off and on during the whole thing. My emotions were running wild as I sat on the edge of my seat.

Awesome job, but you are so evil to leave it there. Please give us the rest soon.

Wimpy

[LtSticks]

Oh. My. God

I have to admit, I was so engrossed in this update that I, uh, fell off my chair and didn't even notice *blushes*

~Sticks

[spells42]

Mary
What a way to start an update! You had me racing through as fast as I could read to find out who died. I was ... almost... convinced it was Dawn, but events proved otherwise. However she's not in the best of shape .. will the effect of the BB wear off, or has her essence (as someone else has suggested) been sent into oblivion with the BB in the Tupperware container?

As I said in a previous fb, I am afraid for Faith. She's survived this, thanks to W&T and Buffy, but it's not an easy gig being the minder for the future Guardian. I wonder if Kyra did indeed do something to protect Faith, or was it something that Willow saw?

This BB out-manoeuvered them by killing 2 unknowns before coming for Dawn & Xander, but why then did it come? Did it know that W&T were setting a trap? If so, its arrogance led to its demise (?)

I'm sorry but I'm falling asleep while I try to think of intelligent things to say ( a hopeless task for me, you may say)

Loved it. Looking forward to more.
Thanks.
Anne

[watty]

*gulp* *double gulp* *triple gulp*

What a climax. I skimmed this before work, then I had to go to a training session, I read it at lunch, and again in the afternoon, and just now again. Mind blowing, jaw dropping, intelligence sapping. I feel like I'm being bombarded with all sorts of images and explanations and I'm trying to tie all the events up together but it's still a tangle.

In other words, this update has hit me squarely in the head and heart that I know I need some time to process.

They won, sort of. But what a price to pay. I recognize that In the big fight, eventually they'll run out of luck and they'd start losing their numbers. Dawn, oh poor Dawnie, so cruelly taken away. I don't know how I feel, do I want the traditional Scooby miracle and have her back (not in the epilogue, too soon ... the next story?) or to let her stay dead.

My thoughts are going all over the place. I'll try to start at the beginning again. Powerful foreshadowing in the first few paragraphs. should have realized, as soon as I read

Later, when it was all over

that something happened, and something not of the good.

Smart and perceptive of Willow to sense the BB's entrance. You've used her voice most in this story, and we're in tune with her thoughts, it's familiar, and the fear and horror that she feels increasingly through the event shines through.

The tension and desperation, when the BB turned to Faith was so real. My admiration for the strength of Faith's character. So the last 2 suicides happened before this. Wow. Even though BB is gone, I'm still scared of him.

A thoughtful, deep and conceptual story, Mary. Made me think very hard at concepts I have only a thin grasp at. I can only admire and worship at your writing style, it is a heavy subject but you never made it so. Love the humorous moments as much as the intensity.

Looking forward to the epilogue and thank you.
[br]

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all. So, yeah...things got pretty intense. Thanks for staying with it. I'm going to address a few things here that arose in multiple fbs, rather than answer each one multiple times.

First of all, I had intended to finish the story in this update, not leave it where it was. Frankly, though, I was pretty wiped out at the end of it and I was worried that to continue would be to risk a serious drop-off in energy and tightness. No cruelty intended!

Secondly, I always saw this BB's biggest weakness to be his arrogance. I'll go ahead and say that he had never been stopped before, and it turns out he's not immune to the lower psychological attributes. He had his 10; he wasn't about to risk that. But no way does he pull out of town with those kids thinking they could do that without consequences. And if they wanna set out some bait...So much the better.

Third, Xander was pulled before Dawn because he had actually started to move. He was starting to get off of the bed, so they interpreted that as him being one degree more "infected" than Dawn. Had she made the first move, they would have pulled her first.

Fourth, this BB knew that it couldn't make Dawn commit suicide. They had all options removed, and she wasn't strong enough to fight past Buffy. So he did the next-cruelest thing he could and yes, it was horrible. Faith, however, was an option for suicide b/c they weren't anticipating her infection AND she's strong enough to make a good run for it, particularly since no steps had been taken to preclude it.

Fifth: I knew from the outset that Kyra would end up being the Guardian as, I suspect, most or all of you did. The trick was how to make that happen in a way that didn't involve sitting this one out or having 2 Scoobies kill themselves when folks were prepared for that risk. No, they couldn't stop its infection but they could restrict the movements of the one(s) infected.

Finally, many people have pointed out potential flaws in this plan and I agree: it was never fail-proof. That, to me, is the essence of most human struggles: you have no guarantees, you have no magic bullets, but you do what you can with what you have. The alternative was to pull back and hope to fight it another time. This certainly could have been one course of action and I did in fact consider it but chose this route for two reasons: (1) dramatic tension. This is, after all, a story and I felt a showdown would be powerful; and (2) I felt like the Scoobies had had so many successes against such ridiculous odds in the past that that fact, coupled with Kyra's involvement AND the discomfort involved in watching the other deaths, dictated an active approach. They were working under the gun and used what they had. So no--the plan wasn't perfect. Far from it. I've mentioned before that one of the things I wish the show had done differently was to explore the impact of loss. (And no, that's not foreshadowing that Dawn dies!) They pulled off so many last-minute miracles and those are wonderful for morale and dramatic impact, but what about the other times? I've talked a lot about my belief in complementarity: that only by understanding a thing's seeming opposite can we truly understand and appreciate the essense of that thing.

OK--on to individual replies. Again, I so appreciate the thoughtfulness and support that folks have shown throughout this story. Kittens are a wondrous lot, indeed!

Paul: Hey, starting your day with a bang is what I live for! (Pauses, reconsiders sentence.) I'll admit it upfront: Dawn's scream was powerful to write, and enjoyable. (Sorry if that makes me a big sicko.) But so much of this had been internal, and the readers saw this b/c we went into their minds but I wanted a moment that captured the essense, the very worst essence, of what this thing could do.

Kyra was definitely involved--not so much in trapping the demon inside, but in keeping Faith herself from leaving. Hence her reference to being "rooted" to her spot. But yeah--K Baby got some (mystical) game and she busts it out when Faith is in danger.

You mentioned:

your sentences seemed to shorten at the crux of it all. Sort of sharp, staccato literary punches, that just make the emotional impact that much sharper. I can't think of how to explain it better, but I know I had already planned to use a similar technique later on in my own story. Still, bloody fantastic, mate.

OK, I admit it. I stole a look at your notebook. (Heh...) No, you're right: the form of a sentence can be as powerful as the words therein, and when things are swirling together it's a great technique. Kinda like that scene from "West Side Story" when everybody's singing "Tonight" and you just know that some powerful shit's gonna go down...

Interesting speculations on Dawn's psyche, Paul. Since we didn't see it from her POV (and we're probably just as glad for that), we don't know exactly where she went. I hope the outcome works for you.

Yes, there is much in the way of fall-out. You mentioned:

Buffy's got to deal with the discovery of the full weight of Faith's feelings for her. Not really much of a way to dismiss that, is there.

Well, we don't know for sure b/c we haven't been in either Anya's or Buffy's mind to know exactly what they learn from playing host. But you're right: guilt will be the order of the day for pretty much everybody involved.

And finally, on the subject of rockage: as do you, my friend. As do you. Thanks so much for the incredible fb you've left throughout this story. Your thoughtfulness and kind words have been such a treat.

Car: Holy this; holy that...I had no idea the story would evoke such religiosity! Yer crackin' me up, Car...

Justin: Hi, Justin! Oh yeah--arrogance embodied! Shoulda taken its winnings and gotten outta town...The moot factor (not to be confused with a "moo" factor, wherein the impact of cheese is duly considered) is indeed the kicker in all of this. They fought as well and as hard as they could--only to discover it didn't matter. That's gonna hurt. And you're right: their "victory" will be small reward, at least right now, for all of them.

I promise that you'll learn about the grave in the next update! Thanks so much for following this, Justin. Seeing your smilin' face brings one to mine. (Um, smile to face; not face to smile. But you probably knew that.)

Russ So Bold/How Goes the Cold? (I don't know why I can't refrain from making poems--albeit bad ones--with your name.) How are the sinuses today? 'tis a yucky feeling, no?

At the risk of sounding like a sadist, I like that everything felt ominous and that the descriptions were chilling. That's the tone I wanted to set; a sort of "Something wicked this way comes."

You noted:

I notice that the attack on Faith is the same as that on Tara; it's speaking to her in the second person rather than the first. Must be a quick decision, acting in haste again.

Nice pick-up! Yeah, it was in a hurry--but still too arrogant to leave (its version of) well enough alone. And I resonate with your reaction: Giles is devastated. All he can do is comfort. Dawn was to go to him; if all had gone well, he would have protected her from all of this. She's his daughter in the ways that count, b/c I don't think we'll be seeing Hank come riding into town anytime soon.

Preparing the next story? When I do, Russ (and yes, I already have some lines in place) I will look forward to sharing it with you. Give my best to the mate, and here's hoping the cold is gone soon.

Vix: You said:

I'd like to be able to call that an enjoyable read but disturbing would be more apt. I spent the whole time freaking out.

Um, yeah. Sorry about that. But thanks for the kind words about the writing and the imagery. It's what I was aiming for.

As Willow and Tara explained to the group in the last update, the box gets sent to a hell dimension. They were worried about trying to destroy it outright; the energetic reaction was too unpredictable.

You mentioned:

I'm nervously awaiting the next update, where I know that things will be peachy and Dawn will wake up in the hospital, tired but pleased, much like after a volleyball game.

Dammit, Vix, you've stolen my thunder! The next scene takes place almost entirely at a volleyball game! Sheesh...Thanks for following this and letting me know you did!

Kristen: You know, I love reading your replies b/c you're so enthusiastic about the prognostications! It's fun to see. Well, the grave's occupant is definitely unknown at this time. As Justin points out, we don't know when the funeral is taking place, so who knows what's happened to whom? Thanks for following this, Kristen, and the epilogue may well be 20 pages! I won't leave everything hanging, I promise!

Cooper: Thanks for delurking! (Don't forget to wipe your feet.) I'm glad the unpredictability didn't feel like you were being jerked around. There were a lot of themes here and pulling them together took some doing. You said:

I couldn't see this story ending without Kyra as the guardian, but I didn't quite know how it would happen.

It's true. For Kyra not to have been the Guardian would have been anticlimactic, but of course her mothers were terrified, b/c it's one thing for them to choose to fight but for their daughter to do that, especially before they learned that she would have a choice, was just overwhelming. And Buffy...Well, I've mentioned before that I often dislike her as a main character but as a supporting one, she's just much more appealing to me. And Faith...It's just always fun to spend time in her pants. I mean, mind. Spend time in her mind. Thanks for the kind words, Cooper!

WillowRosenberg: Hey, how's academic life? Damn, I wasn't that stressed until I read your fb, and then I realized, "Oh my God--look at this mess!" (OK, not really--you just summed it up really well.) As I mentioned to Paul, we don't know for sure that Buffy knows about Faith's feelings, though I agree that the likelihood is great. Could Faith have done her best to block it? Is such a thing even possible? And yes--Kyra is now definitely the Guardian. They do know that she'll get to choose, but c'mon--what do you think she's gonna do? Look at her role models! (Of course, all my early role models were straight [I think] and look how I turned out...) Thanks for following this, WR, and for the good thoughts.

Patches Most Kind, How's Your Mind? (In the midst of such work stress, I mean.) You said:

Saw the waterfall, but missed the jagged cliff face behind it!!

(Mary helps Patches to her feet, offers cold compress) But...Yay!! 'cuz that's what I was shooting for! Don't sweat the fb, girl--just glad to see your name.

Wimpy: Hey, nice to see you! Glad the update kept your attention. I promise the update won't be long in coming. Thanks for reading!

Lt. Sticks: Hey girl! Any more short fics? I gotta check 'em out, see if there's an update. You said:

I have to admit, I was so engrossed in this update that I, uh, fell off my chair and didn't even notice.

(Mary gets another cold compress one; offers one to Sticks.) Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks!

Anne: First of all, don't bad-mouth your intelligence, or I'll march right down (under) there and wag my finger meaningfully in your face. Sure, it'll take me a while to get there, but I'll do it!

Well, we don't know for sure that Dawn's safe, though she's alive at the close of this update. We just don't know when the funeral takes place. You're right: Faith has a heavy burden, though one that in many ways she's glad to have b/c it gives her such a clearly important role for good. But stressful? Oh yeah...And yes: Kyra did intervene. She helped keep Faith from bolting; hence Faith's uncertainty as to why she couldn't move. Yes, she couldn't bear to leave Buffy, but there was also a little early protection going on. No way is Kyra gonna lose Faith. And you're right: arrogance did him in.

Thanks so much for the kind words, Anne. Roadie sez hi, stretched out as she is behind my monitor, basking in the sun.

Watson: Hey girl!

You said:

What a climax.

I'm happy for you, but what did you think of the story? (Rim shot.)

You're not alone in the tangle, Watty. A lot happened, and the implications await a clarity that may not be coming with the morning paper. Words like "victory" and "defeat" are mixed-up affairs right and will be for awhile.

I like the (occasional) use of starting at one point and casting backward. It can be over-done, but I like it for setting a tone w/o revealing all of the facts. You mentioned:

You've used [Willow's] voice most in this story, and we're in tune with her thoughts, it's familiar, and the fear and horror that she feels increasingly through the event shines through.

Nice pick-up, and thank you, btw. I stuck w/ Willow b/c she was in such a unique position both as the first victim and then as someone who has the smarts to pick up on things and pull threads together. In that way, Tara could also have been an effective narrator, esp. given her emotional intelligence.

Thank you so much for your support and your incredibly thoughtful fb throughout this story, Watty. I love reading your observations, both about plot and about crafting. 'tis a pleasure, indeed. Now--tell me more about this climax.

OK--more later.
Mary

[watty]

Now--tell me more about this climax.

um, it came ... and went?

[WillowRulez]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I am so captivated that I cant type!

[LtSticks]

Hey girl! Any more short fics? I gotta check 'em out, see if there's an update.

I do indeed have a couple in the works, will probably have both up by Wednesday, possibly even tomorrow night, if I finish up all my work on my Pride and Prejudice essay (bleugh!)

~Sticks

[SakuraEtsuko]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!

*stops breathing*

That...
was...
amazing!!!
thrilling!!!!
intense!!!
a bloody cliffhanger!!!

First off, I cant believe i missed TWO updates....hot damn woman. You are one helluva writer...I envy you.


Please oh please oh please oh please dont kill Dawn!!! I know it may seem strange, but I have this wierd thing for Dawn...not so much from the show, but in most fics i read i just love her character. I remember this one virtual series they did on umm...this one like MZP or something site where Dawn was kinda taken over by this thing that was kinda like what took over Fred ya know...and they killed her! They killed Dawn!! Then I stopped reading it lol.

But yeah...pleeease dont kill her?

Extreeeeeeeeeeeeemely well written though...your descriptions of all that was going on...I was literally on the EDGE of my seat. That was amazing Mary...I cant wait for the update...i cant wait for the SEQUEL!!! (pleeeeaaase make a sequel! lol)

(wow i said please ALOT in this post huh lol)

Also....looks like you *may* be on the way to getting Buffy and Faith together, some things buffy said were very telling...shes not gonna lose her too..etc. etc. oooh I hope so!

And my oh my...Kyra's the guardian already huh? Well we all kinda knew you would do that lol kudos on how you did it....again...bloody fantastic!! *likes the word bloody even though shes from Idaho LOL*

~Karen~

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Mary,
I have to admit that I'm not quite feeling up to the intense and intelligent feedback that everyone else is sharing. So first off let me say, what they said.

This update is fantastic and well written. I love the starting at the end and coming back technique. Very well done and sets the tension from the beginning. I would say that the aspect of the plan that worked most well was the thought that the BB would be so attracted to two scoobies sitting around thinking about their past group successes and personal failings. Of course the BB goes for that and you did a spectacular job of showing that shift from 2 people "pretending" to feel like that to really feeling that to being taken by the BB. It's very seamless and powerful.

Then I love the interspersal of the BB's thoughts into Faith. So well done. It's almost like the BB was shouting at her. When I read this that's what I though. Every other attack sounded to me like whispering but hers was like shouting.

Anyway, of course Kyra is the guardian. Way to go scoobies with the tupperware but bummer about the 10 souls and whatever is wrong with Dawn (really opens up an entire discussion doesn't it?). Great job.

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-

Dawn savaged, the good people dead, and the best that can be said is the cause is gone. Now comes the fall-out. This could be the battle that breaks up the Scoobies. I'm sure you know the possible outcomes of traumatic incidents, especially those in which the pain was intentional, so I doubt we'll see a TV ending for Dawn. Of course whatever outcome occurs may very well decide if Buffy keeps going on this path, even how she views Faith. Xander's guilt will probably peg the meter. Giles is perhaps more vulnerable now than ever before. And W&T are too bright to miss that Dawn, like Kyra, came into this world by way of magic and she chose to put herself on the line to face evil. The future Guardian's mothers will have many sleepless nights I think. Will Willow dream of Glory and another pyschic assault that almost happened?

All of that doesn't stop the future bad guys. Maybe the next patrol goes fine, but the next time evil comes in a coherent force will there be an effective counter?

I must say your use of Willow's POV makes us so involved. Her horror and anger draw us along the story and her heartbreak to know that she has in many ways failed at the end are wringing.

I also have to wonder about the whole Guardian prophecy and the Anodes of destiny out there. The whole 'big evil wins a bit, good comes out of it' is a bit too pat. Consider it evidence of my distrust of self appointed ( I'm wrong of course- the reason they know best is fate, gods or just because we're brighter than you people) elites. Will there be a magic message forwarded to the tune of "Oops, we goofed. All bets are off. By the way, could you avenge our should-have-been-foreseen deaths before the Hamsters of Hell come for all of our works which include your daughter?"

Sorry about the rambling feedback but you made me think and enjoy and care with your words you, you writer!

Now, about that sequel. Can we get it into the stores in time to take advantage of the holiday rush?


Jixer

[mole]

Mary,
First of all, let me say that I enjoyed this fic emensely. Your grasp of the characters', physical mannerisms, speech patterns, and emotional composition is quite remarkable. I can see them and hear them and feel what they are feeling as I'm carried along through the tale.

Much of this story was painful to read because you have such mastery of the characters and make it all so believeable. I myself was hit hard with many of the self-doubts and insecurities I've lived with all my life by reading the self recriminations of Willow, Tara, and the whole gang. Emotionally powerful stuff.

So why did it do it's suicide inducing thing with Faith, rather than repeating whatever it had done to Dawn? That certainly seemed to be quicker and to be less effort.

Good question Justin. Seems to me that it went after Faith for two reasons: 1. As Mary has said, this BB is arrogant to a fault. No damned kids were going to get the better of him. 2. Perhaps the BB has some knowledge of the prophesy; that Kyra is the Guardian now that he has his 10. Perhaps he knows that Faith is the Guardian's protector/mentor and he wanted to silence the Slayer before she had a chance to teach Kyra

Looking forward to the Epilogue to find out at whose grave Williow is standing in the beginning of Part 30. I hope, for all their sakes, that Dawn's mind is restored.

Thanks Mary, as always, for a wonderful story. It's been quite a ride.
Michelle (delurking because this was too good to not comment)

[GayNow]

Okay, here I go. I'm gonna take a crack at this (though, rest assured, I'm not going to simply take crack -- my mind is fucked up enough without narcotics). I'm just gonna type. I'm not gonna edit. Punctuation be damned. I think it's the only way I'll be able to get anything out. Not even gonna look at the screen...oohhh...there's a nice little spot on the ceiling.

it's been a while since I've left feedback for you, Mary. Sorry about that. But, we've talked. I think you have a pretty good sense of how much I love your writing in general and this story in particular. You and I have talked about writing, narrative point of view, Burkean analysis, getting an idea and running with it (always mindful of keeping away from the scissors), the joys and heartbreaks of the semi-colon. I'm sure we will continue to have such discussions. Because, honestly, now that you've come back to the KB, we're not letting you leave again. I'm not letting you leave again. Oh no. There is no way out. Resistance is futile.

The most wonderful line of the entire update:

"Let me hold her, Will. Send her to me."

It takes me back to the end of Part 29...

I remember wanting to hold onto her somehow, but I didn't know what to do.

Buffy knew what to do when it counted. Whether she reciprocates Faith's love or not, she knew what to do. It was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do. It was the loving thing to do. Gotta say, I'm usually not a Fluffy person. It has to be written really well for me to like it. If you go Fluffy in this story, I will totally believe it. You've written it so wonderfully. At the same time, if you don't go Fluffy, I'll totally believe that too. I have a feeling your Buffy could handle it -- with tact, with compassion, and, yes, with love.

And boy oh boy is Buffy gonna need Faith right about now. Poor Dawnie. In most cases, I wouldn't be overly bothered by Dawn's demise. But, as I've mentioned before, I really love the Dawn you've created here. I gotta say, I got a little misty when I read the description of Dawn, nearly lifeless, cradled in Giles' arms. I had to swallow the lump in my throat at the description of Buffy's reaction.

I don't really think it's Dawn's grave.

With everything that they had all been through, all the narrow escapes, this particular night would remain largely a blur, for many reasons.

I'm assuming this means Willow is standing at a grave only hours after the events of the update took place. Yes, I know this is a big time assumption on my part. I think it's just the spark of hope I have to have inside me. It can't be Dawn's grave. How many of our beloved Scoobies would die along with Dawn? I have to hope.

In so many ways, Mary, this was a horrifying chapter. And, please, take that as a compliment. It was horrifying because it was so detailed. It was horrifying because it was so beautifully written. I guess I would describe it as horrifyingly beautiful detail. The image created in my mind was so vivid. I actually had to turn away from the computer for a moment (as if the scene would manifest on the screen before me). God, it was gut-wrenching.

Oh, I gotta get at that dusty cobweb in the corner tomorrow morning.

You know, I have this interview on Monday. And I have to give a 5 minute "lecture" as part of the process. Any area of public speaking I choose. I was toying with the idea of using my presentation on "the power of language" -- it encourages participation from the students, tends to bring out salient points about life as well as "speechifying", and is really just a lot of fun. I thought about that after I read this update the second time. We really don't realize just how powerful language really is until we think about it. We just take it for granted as we move through the world. That's one of the things I simply love about your writing, Mary. You definitely do not take language for granted. You understand the power of words. Words are arbitrary. Inherently, words to not have meaning or power. We give them meaning. We give them power. And dayum do you use that to your literary advantage. So absotively wonderful.

So great, Mary. Such a wonderful tale. An absolute roller coaster of emotion. If all you have left is an epilogue...well...let's just say I hope you're outlining that sequel as I type this.

Car

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. Again, I offer up a huge thanks for following this story. The epilogue will be out next week due to my travelling to New England for Thanksgiving. For those of you who celebrate it, I hope you have a good holiday, and warm wishes for a great weekend to everyone.

Some thoughts on the Anadeis: Fates and prophecies are tricky, tricky businesses and rarely work out exactly as planned. I'll share something with you, and no it won't be my M&M's; I'm keeping those for myself. What I'll share is this: I envisioned the Anadeis as parallels to high-ranking political officials, career politicians who have amassed considerable power, who like to dictate what shall be and who will do what. Some are flat-out snotty (the youngest); some are brusque and business-like (the middle one); and some are actually fairly beneficent, in that they truly want things to go well for the largest number of people. But the thing that unifies them all is a growing disinclination to get their hands dirty with the actual work, and an arrogance that leads them to underestimate the variables that operate way, way beyond their control. Because in their mind, of course, nothing is beyond their control.

Watson: Ah, it came and went...but will "it" come again? Maybe after it's had a moment to catch its breath? I mean, I know you know about smut...

WillowRulez: Well I appreciate the effort. Thanks!

Lt.Sticks: I've put in an otherworldly call to Jane Austen, and explained the situation. She said she wouldn't take any offense at all if you focused on your stories! Looking forward to it.

Karen: You have to stop being so vague, Karen: do you want Dawn to live or not? These subtleties are getting us nowhere...Nah, I understand. I like Dawn more in most fics, too.

I'm glad it felt interesting to you, b/c I definitely wanted the dramatic effect. Yes, Kyra's the Guardian, so now that whole struggle starts. My heavens, these kids never get a rest, do they? Buffy and Faith are certainly more connected now than they have been. Will that go romantic? We'll learn in the future. But for now, they have a bond that will become incredibly important to each of them.

Thank you so much for the kind words, Karen! I hope your semester is going well.

Debra: How goes it down Texas way? Bet you didn't have icy winds whipping your house last night and for that, I'm glad. Also glad you like this update. Like you, I think the "start on Tuesday, go back to Monday" technique can work well in certain situations; e.g., letting the reader know that something went wrong but not saying quite what it is. I think it also sets an emotional tone of sorts; in this case, bewilderment and anguish. You noted:

Every other attack sounded to me like whispering but hers was like shouting.

Yes--absolutely right. Faith would have been icing on the cake and the BB knew that they'd figure it out soon. He was banking on hitting Faith so hard that she did the deed before anyone could stop her. Kyra had a little something to say about that, though...

Thanks for the very kind words and for following this story throughout, as well as welcoming me back. Have a good holiday, Debra!

Jixer: Well, as you summed up far more eloquently than I am about to: yes, the shit has hit the fan, the radiator, and a number of electrical outlets, not to mention that nice throw pillow from Aunt June. The guilt effect will be considerable. As I think you know, though, I am committed to writing a group that is ultimately more healthy than unhealthy; more likely to pull together than disintegrate. So while this will be tough, I won't write a sequel that's the equivalent of a season of turmoil, dissent, and alienation. Like anybody would go for that swill...

I'm glad Willow's POV worked for you, because I love her as narrator. And who knows what will happen now? Will the Anadeis give a satisfied smile, perhaps offer a token sympathy card for Dawn's loss?

Out for the holiday rush? Ah, Jixer, it's a sweet, sweet soul are. Actually, I'm talking w/ Jodie Foster about directing the movie version...We'll have to work closely, of course. Thanks for your wonderful words, and for following this throughout.

Michelle: Well thanks for coming above-ground and leaving such kind thoughts! Welcome to the light (or slate gray, as it may be in my neck of the woods).

You know, it may sound odd to say that I'm glad you were hit so hard (and I certainly wouldn't wish unease on anyone!) but I am glad to know that the struggles felt real and palpable. The emotional hits and what they evoked were the backbone of this story far more than the prophecy or the battle per se. And I really appreciate your thoughts on the characters b/c for me, they're alpha and omega. If they're not real to the reader, no plot in the world makes it worth reading--in my opinion.

The BB went after Faith largely b/c he thought he had a shot at her. He knew the others could keep Dawn from killing herself, but they weren't expecting Faith to get hit plus she's powerful enough to put up a good fight if they tried to stop her. (Except, of course, that Kyra had some thoughts on that subject.)

Thanks again for delurking and for letting me know you liked it!

Gay Nau Carr: Author; Literary Critic: Car, your interviewin', philosophizin', ceiling-inspectin' goddess, you! Thank you so much for taking the time to pull the updates together and leave the kind of fb you do. It's just so good to see your name here. Yes, we have talked; yes, we will continue to talk; no, I have no desire to leave. Hey, if I hadn't come back, I wouldn't have met you and Watty and so many other remarkable Kittens!

God, I love your thoughts on Faith and Buffy's connection, b/c that's what I'm shooting for. I had no interest in a sudden tumble. People can debate whether Buffy has any attraction to Faith (heck, F's so sensual that I think she probably elicits attraction or at least reaction from a few gay men!), but there's certainly never been indication that she's gay. Clearly she has strong attraction to men. Might there be circumstances in which she would have some kind of wild night, spurred by major drama and mortal danger? Perhaps, but that's not what I was interested in for this story. Thus the decision to have the two of them bond, in progressively meaningful ways. I won't say whether anything will happen in the future, but regardless of that I like the idea of two Slayers of such different backgrounds forging a truly unique, devoted relationship--hardly devoid of conflict or tension, but ultimately enduring.
You said:

In so many ways, Mary, this was a horrifying chapter. And, please, take that as a compliment. It was horrifying because it was so detailed.

And I do, and I thank you. That was the effect I wanted above all else: they've tried so hard, their intentions are so honorable, and this...thing rips those intentions asunder and takes their hearts with it. So thank you for that. And thank you, my friend, for your incredibly kind words. I so echo (listen--can you hear me?) your thoughts on words. You know, a friend once chided me for using the word "disconcerted," alleging that I used words to create distance b/w myself and others. "Why don't you just say you're pissed?" she asked. Well, I won't deny that words can be used to pull away from people (and that I've done that myself), but more importantly, they can help us walk closer to a person, going down fewer blind alleys. I tried to explain to her that I wasn't pissed, I was disconcerted. Those words are just completely different. Oh, and here's another thought; a question, acually: when you're writing, do you ever find yourself making faces to match and sometimes find the emotion word you're seeking? I do that a lot w/ my adverbs in dialogue. My cats just look at me...

You rock; you roll; you write replies that delight my soul...Thanks, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

OK--more later,
Mary

[daiailun]

I think I’m going to weigh in with the camp that puts Willow perhaps at the grave of the person(s) whose suicide elevated Kyra to Guardianship. Willow’s reflections makes me think of Tara’s words at the very beginning of this all, about how the Ultimate Victory seems so hollow. I’m also going to weigh in and say that I’m actually glad Kyra’s the Guardian. The kid has a fantastic and very colourful life ahead, even if she doesn’t choose Guardian privileges. Imagine all the rough ‘n’ tumble antics that’ll go on with Aunt Faith. Those two together will be absolutely incorrigible. Each will be the other’s salvation from boredom. Add Aunt Bub into the mix with Anya and Xander and Dawn (am I dumb to have hope in her recovery?) and, well, lucky, lucky kid as you so often pointed out.

I confess it was hard for me to wrap my feelings around why Willow and Tara (especially) didn’t want this choice for their child. Even with all the pros and cons explored within your work and in this feedback forum, I kept thinking that somehow this has a lot more to do with W/T’s stuff than it does with protecting Kyra. I know that’s arm-chair psychology 101 and it’s about as far as I got thinking about it.

What your work *did* do for me was to propel me to look at the incredible parallels between Christianity and this story: a child being sent; the recipient a woman (women); three goddesses; sacrifice which activates salvation (of a sorts); the Guardian given a personal choice. It’s the sacrifice part that set me packing to refresh my memory about traditional Christian atonement theories, most all with which I have incredible difficulty. I don’t believe Jesus was a ransom payment needed for God to reclaim humankind from the Devil (Irenaeus); or that humans couldn’t pay the ransom so God did (Anslem); or that Jesus bore God’s wrath, in place of we humans (Calvin). God the Parent requiring the death of God the Child reeks of Divine child abuse, like many feminist theologians have argued for decades. Count me squarely on the side of non-violent atonement.

I think that God’s intention for humanity was and is justice, peace, and our well-being. I don’t believe God seeks revenge, or retribution, or appeasement. Maybe, in part, that’s why Tara had such vehement objections to Kyra’s Guardianship… she is afraid that it may sanctify violence, that is will glorify this cosmic battle of good and evil (Christus Victor). Instead of Christians asking what Jesus died for, or worse romanticising his cruel death, maybe they (I) need to ask themselves (myself) what did he live for: a struggle for justice; right relationships with neighbour, God and self; hope and faith in human goodness.

Okay, what’s this all got to do with Kyra? If her mothers let her have the choice to become the Guardian I think it would be in the way she lived her life, the risks that she took, her belief in justice, which would exemplify the justice she’s called to defend. No, she doesn’t have to have extra-special powers to do this. We can all do this. Which brings me back to the all that atonement jazz: Jesus didn’t glorify God in dying; Jesus personified God (e.g. goodness) in how he lived.

Other things that made me ponder: I’d like to think that Buffy will handle Faith’s attraction in a mature way, because she sure did act with an enormous amount of it when asking to receive Faith’s mind. That was probably one of the tenderest moments in this fiction, for me. I don’t know if we’ll be privy to Buffy’s thoughts (she is probably the most private person of all the Scoobies), but I do think she’ll handle all that she learned of Faith with uncharacteristic sensitivity.

I have really, really enjoyed this. Brilliant and thought-provoking. I can not believe the epilogue is so near....

[GayNow]

Oh, and here's another thought; a question, acually: when you're writing, do you ever find yourself making faces to match and sometimes find the emotion word you're seeking? I do that a lot w/ my adverbs in dialogue. My cats just look at me...

Oh I go one step further, Mary...I say the dialogue aloud about 6 different ways over and over until I decide on the one that works best for how I see the scene. My cats avoid me and my family wonders who I'm talking to.

[watty]

I say the dialogue aloud about 6 different ways over and over until I decide on the one that works best for how I see the scene.

And then you'll say to me "want to read the first 3 lines?" and I'll read them and say "that works." And then you'll say to me "I wrote the next 5 lines" and I'll read them and comment. And then you'll send me the next 4 lines, 7 lines, 3 *gasp* paragraphs ... and I'll read them and try to tear them apart but you've already refined them so much and I feel like I'm not doing my job as a beta cos you've worked and reworked them and you want to discuss them in minute detail but all I can say is "it's perfect." awwwww.

Back on topic. Mary I echo Car's words, I hope sincerely that you are staying and planning the sequel.
[br]

[JustSkipIt]

Oh, and here's another thought; a question, acually: when you're writing, do you ever find yourself making faces to match and sometimes find the emotion word you're seeking? I do that a lot w/ my adverbs in dialogue. My cats just look at me...

Mary, you weren't talking to me but...

Have you watched the extras on the Finding Nemo DVD? There's actually entire thing about one of the animators doing just that to get the enotion right on Dory's face when Marlin leaves her. He set up a camera over his computer and shot video of himself and to get the look of sadness and loss and anguish, he thought about his father who had passed away. Anyway, it's a cool bit.

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-

As I think you know, though, I am committed to writing a group that is ultimately more healthy than unhealthy; more likely to pull together than disintegrate. So while this will be tough, I won't write a sequel that's the equivalent of a season of turmoil, dissent, and alienation. Like anybody would go for that swill...

Mary, I'm afraid those two lines will forever bar you from Hollywood Association of Clever, Kewl Screenwriters (HACKS) and the kewl life. You do so many things wrong according to the HACKS handbook. Long term character development, lack of quick fixes, and an especially glaring failure in the lack of shallow sexuality (especially during May and November) come to mind. Also your continued use of stable couples facing their problems together, insight to the costs of trauma, interpersonal communication on multiple levels, and difficult personal issues faced in a rational, adult manner also show a total lack of HACKS quality work. You just won't make it into HACKS this way.

I hope you can take the disappointment.


Jixer

[the hero factor]

I hope Dawn's gonna be okay! *sobs*

There, I had to get that out of the way right off.

This was a very intense update. I'm not surprised Kyra ended up the Guardian, I kinda expected that, but still, I just can't believe all that, and the BB got it's two other souls before it even showed up. What a punch to the gut. It's of little consolation to me at the moment, with Dawn's fate up in the air, but I am glad that this BB is gone for good, where it can't hurt anyone again.

Great update.

[Katez0r]

You keep making my heart hurt!

But in the best way, of course.

Sorry I haven't been replying. I've barely had time to even sleep between work and school and Thanksgiving travelling, so I'm kind of a big caffeinated nutcase right now. Which is not really much of a departure from my normal state of mind, now that I think about it. During whatever free time I get, this is where I am. Reading and re-reading this story (because, damnit, I'm tired of Ayn Rand!) and getting sucked in more and more every time.

I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you do.

PS- My icon wants to hump your leg. I can get the hose, if you'd like. Oh damn. Now I have that Silence of the Lambs line in my head.

[SakuraEtsuko]

During whatever free time I get, this is where I am. Reading and re-reading this story (because, damnit, I'm tired of Ayn Rand!)

Ayn Rand huh? Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. lol.

~karen~