W/T Season 3 Y'all

[Grimaldi]

loved this update



i liked how you used the events in Dopplegangland in this update. it was interesting that Vamp Willow was searching for a blonde with blue eyes to make her happy, and when Tara returned to her world she started to dream about a certain redhead

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?

[Grimlock72]

I sure hope DoppelTara will forget she ever went to another dimension, otherwise she'll be stuck with an image of Willow whom she can never have . I was expecting VampWillow to be in Texas too at first, but of course that wouldn't make sense



I'm surprised Willow didn't notice her Tara's bruise. Should be rather obvious the next morning . Eliza is down several points on the likable-scale, shame for hitting Tara .



I wonder if DoppelTara will have nice and happy life or if the vampires will take over the town where she lives as well. It's a rather vamp-friendly dimension after all



For some reason I read 'pens' to mean something different in "But the Master wouldn't let Willow take anyone from the pens", 'pens' as short for this forum . Reads might weird I'll tell ya.



P.S. Something went wrong with the italcs in the first pace, "would be so nic" is missing an 'e' itaics stop there as well. 20+ lines down there's a plain text [ /i ]

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[JustSkipIt]

Note: Grimmy – Thanks. I fixed the formatting problems. Yes poor Tara back in her dimension with no Willow to find. Willow did notice the bruise when she turned to her own Tara. I can understand Eliza: she’s ruled by passion but not common or good sense. I remember your noting the pens double meaning back at the time. As always thanks.





Title – W/T Season 3 Y’all – part 53 – Toothpaste



Author– JustSkipit - Debra



Spoilers–Season 3 through the Dopplegangland



Rating– Part 53 – PG-13



Disclaimer – Guess what, I don’t own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew.



Thoughts in italics!









Willow looked up from her book to see Tara walking toward her across the yard. The redhead was lying under what she always thought of as “their tree” reading the history assignment. The work wasn’t particularly pressing but it was somewhat interesting. It seemed that Ms. T. actually found the history of the 60s interesting and she infused her discussions with interesting topics and debates. That of course contrasted with her dry repetition of historical facts from some earlier periods. The class when Tara and Willow had been caught passing the note was only one in a long list of mind-numbing hours spent listening, or not listening, to the teacher recite information. Fortunately, her tests followed a predictable line of questioning. More importantly, the teacher encouraged each student to prepare her out-of-class work, essays and research papers, on topics he or she found interesting. She would approve nearly any topic, which had allowed Willow to produce research on the history of Wicca, religious persecution, and computer microchip development, while Tara had produced increasingly complex investigations into veterinary science advancements.



A smile crossed her face as she rolled onto her stomach to watch her lover approaching. The blonde was wearing her usual “uniform:” jeans, boots, and long-sleeve shirt. Her hair was pulled back from her face showing off those adorable ears. Those ears… Willow loved the blonde’s ears. Frequently while watching Tara sleep she observed her face and ears. The ears would twitch occasionally as if she were studying some complex problem or being tickled. Unable to resist the redhead had once reached out and stroked along the crest of the twitching ear. She quickly learned not to do that as the blonde had sat straight up in bed, wide-awake and shouting about invading butterflies.



Now Tara strode across the grass toward Willow as the redhead watched her lovingly. That loving look was quickly turning to a lusty look as she took in the confident and sexy walk her lover was employing to quickly cover the ground between them. As she neared the blanket, Willow sat up to allow Tara to join her. They had a few hours before dinner and if the blonde was done with her chores, perhaps they could enjoy the beautiful weather together. Tara didn’t have any books with her but Willow could always read the History assignment outloud. She was somewhat surprised as Tara’s shadow flowed over the blanket when the blonde stopped walking at the edge of the barrier and looked down at her girlfriend rather than dropping to sit as she usually did.



“Hi baby. Are you done with your work? Can you sit?” Willow asked hopefully.



“Yeah, I f-f-finished a l-l-little w-w-while ago,” Tara answered.



Willow noted immediately the amount of stuttering her girlfriend was experiencing. Add to that the fact that she wasn’t sitting and something was definitely wrong. As she got to her feet Willow asked, “is something wrong?”



“What w-w-would be w-w-wrong?” Tara answered. It was obvious to both girls that she knew what she was upset about but was trying to give Willow a chance to say it first.



Willow tilted her head as she tried to read her girlfriend’s tone. No not her tone, tone was obvious. She was upset and pissed off. The question was why. The redhead could think of a list of reasons that Tara would be mad at her but suggesting any of them would just cause more trouble. At the top of the list would be the fact that after her mother’s visit and departure, she had added Tara’s name to the e-mail sniffing program once again. In case anything came out of the visit, she wanted to know first. She had increased security on her program in case the blonde, who was increasing her own computer skills after all, needed to use the laptop for anything. But that’s for our own good she rationalized as she wondered what was upsetting the blonde. “Uh I don’t know,” she stalled.



Blowing out a loud breath in frustration Tara finally dropped to sit on the blanket and was joined immediately by the redhead. “Will? Is there a-a-anything y-y-you want to t-t-tell me?”



“That I love you?” Willow guessed. She knew that was going to be the wrong answer but again was worried that her mouth would get her in more trouble than she obviously was already in.



Tara glared at her girlfriend as she explained, “that m-m-may be true…”



Willow interrupted: “that IS true.”



“…but. That’s not what I was l-l-looking for. Let’s s-s-start with a quiz. You’re a genius. You’re g-g-good at quizzes,” Tara explained angrily.



“a vixeny genius…” Willow mumbled.



Tara ignored her girlfriend’s optimistic commentary as she continued: “so g-g-genius girl. Where did we agree to apply to c-c-college?”



Willow pursed her lips as she answered, “Texas A&M, University of Texas, and UC Berkeley.” Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Piss! Damn! And a lot of other words I can’t remember at the moment she thought even as the answer was coming from her mouth.



Tara stood back up as she heard her girlfriend’s answer. She was just too mad to sit there attempting to have a normal conversation. “That’s s-s-strange…” she began. The blonde was having a really hard time with this. Here was Willow sitting there knowing just what she was so upset about and she was doing nothing to jump in with an explanation, with an apology, with any excuse for her betrayal. Why did she keep doing shit like this? Sure she had spent her life hiding things from her parents and then the whole Sunnydale/Vampires situation from virtually everyone. But this is me! she thought. She doesn’t have to keep lying to me and bending rules. Why does she do this?



“Strange…” Willow echoed.



Tara steeled herself. “Yes, s-s-strange because I just g-g-got a call from Stanford,” Tara explained. Ask me what it was about! Go ahead ask like you don’t know while you sit there with that stunned look on your gorgeous face. Hey no gorgeous face thinking here: Angry



Knowing that she was busted Willow could do nothing but again echo Tara’s last word, “Stanford?” What? How? Why did they call? Jesus God!



By now the blonde was pacing in front of the blanket. “R-r-right Stanford. They left a m-m-message.” Are you going to say ‘message’ now?



As if on cue the redhead repeated, “message?”



You’re beginning to look pretty silly there. I’m trying to give you any chance to jump up and say ‘oh baby, I need to tell you…’ but you’re not taking that chance. You’re just sitting there. Tara’s anger increased as Willow did nothing to try and explain herself. “They s-s-said I f-f-forgot to s-s-sign my application.”



“Your application.”



“Jesus Christ Willow,” Tara screamed, “can you d-d-do something other than repeat the last word I s-s-say?”



Again Willow mumbled, “that was two words.”



“And ‘y’all’ is singular and plural as is ‘you’ but we’re g-g-going in circles,” Tara harrumphed. Then she waited. And waited. And waited.



Willow looked at the ground. She studied Tara’s boots. She plucked a piece of grass and let it float from her fingertips. She looked around to see if any other students were around. Finally she repeated again, “your application.”



“Do you know w-w-why I didn’t sign my application for Stanford Willow?” Tara continued screaming.



“Because you didn’t apply to Stanford?” Willow smiled as she responded.



Tara dropped to sit on the blanket finally as she answered, “that’s right. I didn’t a-a-apply to Stanford. So why d-d-do you think they c-c-called me?” She glanced at Willow as she continued, “think hard about this W-w-willow.”



“I don’t think you’ve ever stuttered my name before,” Willow whispered.



“Oh w-w-well that’s fucking pertinent isn’t it?”



“Good point,” Willow conceded; she knew that she was completely busted. Tara continued staring at the redhead. Somewhere in the back of her mind a part of her was looking into those green eyes as if she would fall in and get lost. But she forced herself not to think about that. Not to think about those eyes or that voice or that laugh. Not to think about the way this woman made her laugh or the feel of her fingertips as it sent sparks along her bare skin. Not to think about that! “I forgot to sign your application,” Willow finally whispered.



“You don’t f-f-fucking s-s-say!”



“This is the part where I explain and say I’m sorry and you forgive me and it’s all good?” the redhead questioned optimistically. Her arms crossed across her chest, Tara cocked her head as if to say, “let’s see about that.”



Willow took a deep breath before speaking. “Ok,” she started, “I know we agreed on just three schools. But you’re selling yourself short. You’re selling us short. We can get into more schools than you think. We can get scholarships at more schools than you think. With our scores we can get in anywhere and we’ll get scholarships and tons of financial aid. Ok, not so much financial aid for me but for you…” She trailed off as she realized that it might sound like she was putting down Tara’s financial situation rather than praising all the opportunities it would bring.



“Even if t-t-that’s s-s-so,” Tara started.



“It IS so,” Willow interrupted. She was starting to get pissed off herself. Why wouldn’t Tara trust her? Why didn’t she believe in them and their ability to succeed together and stay together? Did she want to be together?



“Jesus Tara,” Willow fumed as all her fears came crashing home: fears about whether the blonde really wanted to stay with her: “why don’t you trust me? I know what I’m talking about.”



Tara stood again. She couldn’t believe that Willow has just asked her about trust: “Trust? Trust? You want to know why I d-d-don’t trust you? Which Willow d-d-do you w-w-want me to t-t-trust? The hacker who’s been looking at private c-c-correspondence all year? The woman who applied me to c-c-college even though we agreed where we would apply t-t-together? Which Willow is it who d-d-deserves all this trust?” Both girls had given up all pretense of a normal conversation. They stood by the tree screaming at each other and not caring who heard. Other students began to walk a wide circle to avoid being in the path of their conversation. The blonde looked up and into Willow’s eyes and was surprised to note the sparks floating across the green part. She felt her own magical power humming at the edge of her skin and crackling in the wind.



Finally she could take it no more. Willow shouted out her fear. The fear that had filled her since she first realized how much she wanted to be with this woman. “Maybe you don’t care if we go to school together?” She shouted her question not sounding like it was fear talking, but as if it were anger talking.



Tara reacted as if she had been slapped across the face. Willow’s words, her accusation, couldn’t have hurt more if it had been accompanied by a physical blow. “What?” she shouted. “What?” she repeated more quietly, expressing the shock in what she had heard.



Willow seethed with anger and resentment. This wasn’t just about this conversation. This was about all these months. Months when Willow had told her lover over and over that they were forever. That she would always take care of her. That she loved her. Months when Tara didn’t return the words, didn’t echo and repeat them. “Maybe you don’t care if we go to school together,” she hissed.



Tara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All this time… all this time… all this time she knew there would be challenges in staying together. That there would be challenges around college. But how could Willow accuse her of not caring, “what d-d-do you m-m-mean I d-d-don’t care?” she stuttered out.



Willow couldn’t stop the words from coming from her mouth. As they formed in her throat they felt so powerful. So potent. “Maybe you never cared about staying together. You come along and turn the transfer student gay. Did you get the toaster?” As the words came out of her mouth, she tasted them. It was like bile. Like the foulest, ugliest taste she had ever known. But it was too late to take it back.



Willow was still standing in shock at the words that had flowed from her mouth as she processed the angry answer. An answer, which Tara issued as she turned and ran across the grass: “I d-d-don’t remember t-t-twisting your arm!”

---

"People have the power to redeem the work of fools." - Patti Smith

[xita]

Oh a fight. So sad So disheartening Willow can't explain her fears to show that she does things out of fear not out of other uglier emotions. Still, I am glad that your Willow is still Willow in those yes nasty little ways. The invasion of privacy, the way she decides what is best without consulting Tara. She can't even see the wrong doing because she's too busy trying to make things right. And I am not sure why Tara hasn't been as forthcoming in her desire to work things out, perhaps because she's not as insecure about it as Willow. For Tara perhaps a future with Willow is the only possibility while Willow can't trust in that enough and needs reinforcement. Great update!

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Si nos dejan buscamos un rincón cerca del cielo

Si nos dejan haremos con las nubes térciopelo


José Alfredo Jiménez

[SySnootles]

Wow. That was painful. And very well done. Very realistic fight. I hope they talk things out. I'd like to see how they resolve this. Clearly Willow has issues she needs to work out. Still "eavesdropping" on private correspondances. That worries me. And trying to justify it as for the betterment of the relationship, Yikes!



I'm definitely curious about the title. Is it veiled in the chapter itself? I tend to be a little dense at times.



Oh, I liked the "Ellen" reference. At least I remember the "toaster" part from "The Puppy" episode of "Ellen." That isn't true, right? Because I would think turning someone into a lesbian would be more of a "waffle iron" occasion.

[littlecrazy80]

The update started so good. This made me laugh.

Quote:

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...and stroked along the crest of the twitching ear. She quickly learned not to do that as the blonde had sat straight up in bed, wide-awake and shouting about invading butterflies.

---

But then this fight. I can´t believe that they said such mean things to each other. I hope everything will work out for them.



*lil´c*

Unter den Blinden ist der Einäugige König.



Check this out

[Cindy Lou Who]

Oh Debra:



This update really tore at me. You managed to write the alternating acceleration/de-escalation so convincingly. Tara starts out seething as Willow tries to downplay the hostility; as Tara's reason seems to return Willow becomes more and more frightened and angry...just like arguments often proceed.

Quote:

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“I don’t think you’ve ever stuttered my name before,” Willow whispered.

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For some reason this made me so sad.



Tara spoke my thoughts when she asked which Willow she should trust! I know Willow's intentions are good...but why couldn't she have this conversation about trusting their mutual abilities *BEFORE* applying behind Tara's back! And then the "toaster" comment and "turning the transfer student gay." I'm striving to be sympathetic (afterall who can help but adore Willow?)...but Good gawd!



These girls can really get the cussing on!



I thought I had an idea 'bout the "Toothpaste" title and how the most heated arguments sometimes arise from the smallest issues/pet peeves. (Last straw? Building emotions spilling over the dam? etc.) But now I'm thinking that I'm being too simplistic. What's the story Morning Glory? What's the word Hummingbird?



Love your sig too...as I'm often sailing on a Ship of Fools it's most apropos.



So much to ponder~~Suse

[Puff]

This update brought back so many memories of the fight in Tough Love. It was painful to read. Willow just can't see that what she is doing is wrong and Tara shouldn't really trust her for that. Tara has every right to be angry but I hope they can talk through it all and Willow can tell Tara her fears or things will not get better. Thanks for the update, I look forward to the next one.

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Cheese. It's milk that you chew.

[russ]

This chapter was tough to read, as I'm sure it was to write. It was necessary, though. Tara was disturbed by Willow's rather shaky ethics early on in the story. As in the show, her love for Willow caused her to (wrongly) set aside her concerns until things built up to the point where a major explosion took place.



It is reminiscent of the "Tough love" fight, although that one seemed rather contrived, coming out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Here there is reason for Tara’s anger, which in turn triggers Willow’s short fuse. It hurts to see two people who love each other so much spewing such bitter words at each other.



It’s good that in your story the fight is happening in S3, and away from Sunnydale. This means there is no attack from Glory to get in the way of the issues being dealt with. In the series, the problems were glossed over in the aftermath of Tara’s injury, then Buffy’s death. This led to the situation carrying over into S6 and becoming mixed up with Willow’s overuse and abuse of magic. Far better for the girls to deal with things now when there is no Lethe’s bramble on hand to make things worse. (there’s not, right?)



I trust that you will bring them through this hard time with their relationship not just intact but stronger than before. Willow needs to learn to think of the consequences before going ahead and acting on her ideas. Both need to learn to trust the other, to express their fears and doubts to the light of day. Things that are pushed down and hidden come back in a “foul, ugly” way.



Do they play old Motown songs in Texas? I’m thinking that some lines from the Supremes are needed about now: “Instead of breakin’ up, let’s do some kissin’ and makin’ up. Don’t throw our love away.”



Russ

[shuyaku]

Wow - that was a fight if ever a fight there was



As much as I like Willow, I really kinda feel more for Tara here. She really went out of her way to give Willow a chance to explain herself. But true to Willow's character, Willow just couldn't take the offer. Willow definitely gets tunnel vision when she makes a decision that she sees as simply black and white. Life is very seldom that easy - too much grey



Great update!

-shuyaku



ps - plus a big fight leads to better make up sex, right?

[JennY]

wow... i love this update. I'm not sure if I have said how much I love this fic, so I'll say it now. I love the angst, the romance, fun and everything in between. This most recent update was just perfect. I can't wait for the next part!

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JennY



"Obviously something in your bottle needs uncorking." -Faith

[The Rose24]

OUCH!!!



Willow has always had questionable ethics. This was bound to come up sooner or later.



Willow is always doing things behind Tara's back. Willow can't keep doing these things.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[mocha fiend 22]

ok i can say that so far what i have read i love this is a awesome fic and it makes me all happy and stuff so great job and keep up the great work

I love you now and forever and a week

[ExtraFlameyWT]

Eep... Not a good fight. Kind of reminiscent of the fight about going back to boystown...only it was kind of turned around with Willow being afraid that Tara wanted to leave her, instead of Tara being afraid that Willow just saw their relationship as a sort of experiment before heading back to her ridiculous conception of "boystown." But anyway, enough of the show...lol. Great update, even though it was sad cuz of the fight...can't wait for more.



Aimee

It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Sending him to a specific place is like, like trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it. -Willow in Triangle

[Washi]

This update was just wow and ouch.

First of all, Willow needs to understand that a relationship is a thing for 2 people, together, on equal bases. This fight, of course, reminded me a lot of "Tough Love" with one difference. I'll try to explain it as well as I can.

In TL, its Tara who voices her fears, whereas, here its Willow. Also, it reminded me of the whole W/T breakup in S6.

In the breakup, Willow did the spell so Tara wouldn't leave. In a way, Willow has a problem with people leaving. Just think, in the original timeline, these people left her:



-Her parents

-Jessie

-Ms. Calendar

-Angel

-Buffy

-Oz

-Riley

-Joyce

-Buffy

-Giles

-Tara



So, in S6, Willow has abandonement (spe?) issues.

In this timeline, however, the thing that scares Willow the most is to be alone in a new school. She left all her friends behind in Sunnydale, and at first, she was super lonely. The only thing that made her feel better was Tara. And knowing her friends, none of them will go to Stanford or whatever college. So, Tara is the only one that can make her feel not lonely, not abandoned.

Also, Willow is a control freak (in case u didn't notice ) and she wants to fix everything, to make everything the best it can be. Sometimes, while trying to do that, she forgets the other people concerned.

Now, with the abandonement issues, Willow needs to be reassured all the time, and being a control freak, she'll try to be strong on her own. Willow is complex , incredibly so.

Anyways, I'm with Tara on this one, because she already told Willow to not do the email thingy anymore, and that meant, in my opinion to not shove her nose in Tara's business in general. But, I'm against the whole screaming and shouting. I mean, I myself have one hell of a temper, and since I know that, when a discussion gets too heated, I walk away or try to reason calmly. Screaming never solved problems, and they should calm down before sorting this out.

Now, I wrote a whole freakin' essay, but I had a nightmare last night, and I hope that it won't happen in this fic.



Kudos on the great stuff!



P.S.: Hope the whole thing makes sense.

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"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[AntigoneUnbound]

Oh, Debra... To quote one very busted witch: Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, piss, damn, and a whole lot of of other words.



You did such a fantastic job of laying the groundwork for this fight over the course of many updates, many subtle moments that hinted at something larger emerging down the line but never beat us over the head.



What I admire most in this exchange is the way you go inside each person's head (and heart) and develop their fears and resentments. We can see Willow's progression as she goes from reactively apologetic to angry to terrified but hiding behind that anger. I was especially impressed w/ the passage wherein you describe the feeling of power that slides through her as she channels and expels her anger. This woman has felt so powerless so often in her life, and the taste of it (or the taste of this particular power) is heady indeed. And the moment when she crosses the second line in this conversation (at least that's how I see it: first accusing Tara of not wanting to go to college together, and then accusing her of seeing her only as a recruit) was just excellently crafted. You give us a visual and a taste reference, and both are dead-on. Yes--we've all had those moments when we can practically watch the words pass our lips, taste them in our mouths.



What a great example of what happens when we assume (hope?) that those little "annoyances" don't really mean anything about the person's character.



I can't wait to see how they handle it.



Have a great weekend,

Mary

[Stroke of Luck]

Oh damn that was a tough fight



I hope they will talk about it really soon. I don´t like to see them hating each other



Update soon????



Cu

SoL/Natti



There are two kinds of tears, tears for those who leave you, and tears for those you never let go - Gabrielle/The Quest

[JustSkipIt]

Xita – Yes sad but true fight. I agree; this is the Willow I know – moral relativity and changing boundaries all the time. And more than anything, fear of being left, of not being loved. I like you theory about why the two girls would take different approaches but I’m not sure I agree. I think that Tara doesn’t bring up stuff because she’s so sure that either 1. She won’t be chosen or 2. If she’s chosen, she’s holding Willow back. Whereas Willow doesn’t bring stuff up because she believes she knows what’s best. Neither is a good thing.



SySnootles – Thanks. I’m glad it was painful and well done. That’s what I was shooting for. Yes Willow has always been issue-girl and remains so. Still herself. Toaster is old reference, pre-Ellen but used there too. If I remember Laura Dern got a Krupps appliance which is super fancy.



No the title isn’t explained any where here.



Toothpaste – I had a friend once. As a child (5 or 6 years old) she had a fight with her father. During the fight she screamed, “I hate you!” He took her by the hand and took her in the bathroom and handed her a tube of toothpaste and said to squeeze it all out into the sink which she did. [when she told me the story I thought it was going to be about a good way to express anger, like hitting a pillow.] When she finished he said, "ok put it back now.” She said, “I can’t.” He said, “yeah, somethings are like that and walked out of the bathroom.” The End.



Grimaldi – Yes, everyone to safe minimum distance for cooling off.



littlecrazy80 – Yes the contrast in the so good and the so bad. Thanks for reading and writing.



Suze – Ahhh the acceleration and deceleration. You are so right: so often fights go like that with one person getting calmer as the other gets crazier and it never stops. Sometimes I find it’s best to take a break when that happens. Yeah I found the stuttering Willow’s name comment tragic but Tara’s response to it equally so. Good point about Willow talking to Tara about mutual abilities before applying her to school.



Good guess about the title. It’s explained above but not anything that anyone could know. Glad you like the sig. Actually I just changed it so new one up today.



Puff – Thanks so much. Yes somewhat similar to Tough Love in that some of the characteristics are still the same for the girls. In both cases we have Tara concerned when Willow is bending rules too much and Willow making accusations about sexuality (although different focus).



Russ – Actually easy to write. As I told DMW earlier today when I started the story I had four scenes in my mind: Willow getting off the train, W/T meeting Angel & Faith, this fight, and the final part. Everything else has grown up around those four scenes. It actually flowed well but I take it as a compliment that it was hard to read.



I totally agree about the Tough Love fight. It never made any sense to me in the show and I’ve watched it over and over. It seems like a fight that grows from no where and nothing and not that that doesn’t happen because it does, but it seemed so unnecessary. Even without the fight, Tara could have been brain sucked and Willow goes all DMW against Glory, etc. It’s not like they every really concentrated on resolving the fight anyway.



Yes you are totally right about it being better away from Sunnydale. In this case this is the worst thing, no hell gods and magical addiction to follow up bad judgement calls. Yes they need to handle it well.



Tee hee. They do play them but not on the station I listen to.



shuyaku – I have to agree with you. Tara has the high road on this one over Willow.



Jenny – Wow, you like the update? Cool. I love it but know that it’s angst filled.



TheRose24 – Darned right: Willow = questionable ethics & needs to stop doing it. Maybe she will learn.



mocha fiend 22 – Welcome the the fic and to posting. I’m not sure how far you’ve read but I’m glad you’re enjoying. Keep reading; we’re moving toward a conclusion here but doing it together.



Aimee - Thanks. Glad you thought it was well done. As others have pointed out, reminicent of the fight in Tough Love.



Washi – Yes, I absolutely agree that Willow’s main issue is not wanting people to leave her (although why choose the s7 relationship that she has???—that’s all I’ll say). It is my belief that in WAY when Tara says she’s Willow’s and Willow gets that adorable smile on her face, she is falling in love with Tara right then and that part of the reason for that is that she sees that Tara loves her and won’t leave her which is all that Willow wants and needs.



But you are absolutely right about the difference in Willow’s main fear: she doesn’t want to be alone at school or be without Tara specificially. Sorry you had a nightmare but well stated points and you are right, screaming rarely helps anything.



Mary – Goddess, we’ve probably got readers reaching for Prozac between you and me in the last 24 hours huh? Ok, just kidding.

Quote:

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You did such a fantastic job of laying the groundwork for this fight over the course of many updates, many subtle moments that hinted at something larger emerging down the line but never beat us over the head.

---

Thanks so much. Yes, I’ve been working us here all through the fic. I’m glad that the setup worked so well.



Your comment is so eloquently written that I have a hard time building on or responding to it. I’m glad you like my descriptions of the power of their emotions, the visceral feelings. Thanks.



Natti – Update coming soon. They will be faster until the fic is over so in a few days they can talk again, more calmly. Thanks.

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"Keep in mind always the present you are constructing. It should be the future you want." - Alice Walker, Temple of My Familiar

[Nation]

Call me crazy, but I for one love fics with angst in them. I know, I know, I'm crazy (see first sentence in this post). I think when couples argue, it shows that they're...well, real. In real life couples fight.....but fighting/arguing leads to making up, which leads to bigger and better things. I am sooooo glad that you threw in this scene (geez, has it been 53 parts already????). It gives W/T a little more realism (even though that's not really the word I'm looking for). Not everything in life is all perfect and wonderful. People truly, madly, deeply in love don't always agree and often disagree with passion. You portrayed this wonderfully. Thank you so much for an excellent chapter!



Nation

[Grimlock72]

Well, this had to come out sooner or later. A shouting match might not be the best way to vent insecurity and fears but at least it doesn't do permanent harm. I prefer fights to keeping quiet, the latter wont hold for long anyway.



Typical how lots of things, which have nothing to do with the issue at hand, get drawn into the argument. The mail-scanner for example, I don't see much wrong there... Willow wants to know what people write about her, fair enough. Tara did ask her not to scan for *her* name though, to which she agree so she shouldn't have just put her back in again.



As is typical both of Willow's "bad" actions are done mostly to help Tara. Trouble is that Willow kinda "forgot" to ask Tara if she wanted that help. I don't see why Tara wouldn't *want* to apply to Stanford but evidently they agreed on applying to only three schools. Why did Willow agree and then do something else ?



It's so not much that Tara doesn't trust Willow but more Willow not asking for that trust by just doing what she thinks is right. That gets annoying, no matter how well intended. Willow's intentions are usually good, it's just her methods which needs some adjustmenting. I'll likely agree with Willow on them applying to as much schools are possible, esp. with grants/programs which Tara might need. She could have just talked that over with Tara though. Too bad we missed their earlier conversation about which schools to apply to, would have been interesting (if anything, thats where the 'trust' part could come up).



Of course Willow wasn't going to guess what Tara meant, that only works on small children . Heck, I would never answer such an open question myself. If you want to accuse me of something, go ahead and say so... I ain't gonna guess .



I wonder if Willow thought this through by the way. What if she they got accepted at Stanford ? Sooner or later Tara is going to find out you know.



Too bad insecurity usually comes out in bad way. It will take some chill-out time for sure, the rest is easily solved; Willow just has to ask Tara before doing stuff for Tara's "own good". Very simple really



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[JustSkipIt]

Two comments then post:



Nation – Wow, you love angst? Hard to imagine I’ve kept your attention this long. I totally agree about the arguing, within reason. We have friends who are always proud that they “never” fight. And we’re like, “how much are they just not saying?” Now all the sudden their relationship is in major trouble and it’s like, well of course. So I agree.



Grimmy – I prefer quiet but sometimes yelling happens and when it does: sometimes very cathartic. Yeah the mail scanner is not relevant to the fight but keep in mind that it only comes in in Willow’s mind; it never actually enters the argument. Yes you are totally right: it’s not Willow’s reasoning that’s messed up. It’s her decision making skills in doing these things anyway. Yes simple.



Title – W/T Season 3 Y’all – part 54 – Reeling



Author– JustSkipit - Debra



Spoilers–Season 3 through the Dopplegangland



Rating– Part 54 – PG-13



Disclaimer – Guess what, I don’t own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew.



Thoughts in italics!







Tara walked slowly up the stairs, carrying her boots in one hand and her duster over her other arm. She knew that her bootsteps on the stairs would be too loud and wake the residents who would obviously be asleep given the late hour. In her free hand she carried the notes she had found over the course of the last hour. The first she found stapled to the stable door as she brought Chestnut in:



Talk to me.



Please



The next was on Chestnut’s stall’s gate:



Ok. I can understand that you are mad. But really? You said some crummy things. You’re totally selling us short. We can do better. We can be more. We can do more. Why do you want to hold us back? I thought you loved me. I thought you wanted to be with me.



But it occurs to me you haven’t been saying “forever.” I have been. Get that. I have been. Do you know why? Because I mean it. I mean forever. Not a year. Not nine months. Forever.



One by the fresh hay:



It’s getting late. You didn’t come home for dinner. I waited a while but people kept wanting to talk and I didn’t want to so I took dinner up to my room. I guess I didn’t really feel like eating anyway. Didn’t.



Are you trying to make me think? To feel sorry? To apologize? Come home and talk to me.



PS. Please.



Her duster hung on the tack hook. As she thankfully put it on, she was surprised at the note she didn’t find stapled to the post under the coat. She reached into the pocket as she began walking across the field toward the dorm and took a bite of the apple she found within as she began to unfold the note from the other pocket. Seeing the length she decided to sit to read it. The bright moonlight allowed her to clearly make out Willow’s handwriting:



My love,



You’re right: you didn’t have to twist my arm. Do you know why? Because you are beautiful and wonderful and amazing. Because just being near you makes me want to kiss and hold you. Because since the day I met you, I’ve thought of little else. You. You. You.



For the first time in my life, I found myself sitting in class thinking of… that’s right: not class. I was sitting and thinking about you. Always thinking of you. And thinking and dreaming. And dreaming and thinking. Of you.



And not just in class. In my room. In the computer lab. On the phone with Buffy. In the library. And we know while trying to do spells. Oh Goddess!



And then there you were. That night. I found you on the roof under the stars and the moon. So beautiful: like an angel. When you turned toward me… I melted. I was scared crazy but I knew I wanted to be with you more than anything.



I still do. I always will.



Talk to me.



Tied to the lowest branch of their tree with a red ribbon:



Tara,



It’s getting late. You’ve been gone so long and I just want you here to hold and love you. I know you’re hurting. I’m sorry.



She knocked quietly on Willow’s door before easing the door open. Willow’s bed was open and unslept in but a crème colored envelope lay on her pillow. Tara of course written across the front of it. She slowly eased onto the bed as she opened the envelope and pulled out the thick sheet within:



Tara: my love,



How do I ever write what there is to write? To call you back with faith that you are moving toward me? That you are reading my notes and coming to me? Talk to me love. I’ll listen. Just come talk to me.



You are right. That’s the most important thing I have to say. Ever.



I’m sorry. That’s the next most important.



Maybe I got the order wrong. You decide.



I know that I betrayed you and that you are hurt and angry about that. Please know that I didn’t think I was hurting you. I thought that it would help us both. That we could make our choices and live our lives to the fullest. That’s all I ever want for us and for you. But I see that I was wrong. Just because I want something for us, doesn’t make it best for us, or give me the right to decide.



I speak better than I write (although it takes longer). Come and talk. I’ll listen. Please.



Yours, Willow



The blonde splashed water on her face to give her a minute to calm down in addition to rinsing the dried salt from her cheeks. She left her boots and duster in the room as she pulled the door closed behind her and again quietly ascended the stairs.



Tara was surprised to find her room empty although Alyson’s traditional absence did come as a relief. For all she knew Willow had asked the other girl to leave. Willow? A smile lit up her face as she realized the redhead must be on the roof. Quietly she lifted the window and let herself out onto the warm surface. She stopped as she took in the sight of her lover waiting for her to come back.



Willow had brought out their blankets and laid them to form a pallet as they usually used when sleeping on the roof. She had Tara’s travel clock and small lamp next to the bed and Tara could see her book lying open across her chest. Most of the candles surrounding the makeshift bed had burned down and Tara smiled as she realized that the redhead had done the same. She lay sprawled among the covers and pillow as if she could just no longer stay awake waiting for her lover’s return. As the blonde tip-toed closer she saw the line of Kleenex littering the edge of the pallet and one clutched in the smaller woman’s hand.



She lowered herself lightly onto the side of the bed as she took in the sight of her lover. Oh Goddess she thought. I could never resist the sight of her sleeping so peacefully: my redheaded angel. She extended her hand slowly to brush her fingertips lightly across the strands of hair splayed against the rosy skin of Willow’s cheek. Moving her fingers again and then again she whispered, “Willow.”



Green eyes fluttered open attempting to focus on the blonde. “Tara,” she muttered. “Tara?” Blinking she suddenly sat up and gathered the blonde in her arms. “Oh Goddess baby,” she whispered as she hugged her lover stroking her fingers down her face. “I’m sorry my love,” she choked out as tears flowed down both faces.



For many minutes the two girls sat hugging and desperately kissing each other. Finally Tara pulled back to look at her lover, again brushing a strand of hair from her cheek: “are you ok Will?”



Willow nodded as she answered, “I’m sorry love. Do you want to talk?”



Tara looked down, answering, “I f-f-found the notes.”



“All of them?” Willow asked.



Tara giggled as she lay down, motioning that Willow should snuggle closer while they talked: “how m-m-many are there?”



Willow looked up for a minute as she obviously counted in her head, “I think seven.”



“Then I missed o-o-one,” Tara confirmed. She shifted tone for a moment: “Will. Do you k-k-know why I was so mad?”



Willow got a confused look on her face: “no offense sweetie but duh. You were mad because I applied you to other schools.”



Schools Tara wondered but filed it away for the moment. “Well, y-y-yes,” she answered, “but more than that. I don’t like you going behind m-m-my back to make decisions that involve us both.”



Willow nodded even as she worried that she had let the plural word escape her lips but noted that Tara hadn’t mentioned it. The irony of her relief was lost on her completely as she responded, “I just thought I could make it better for us.”



“But you don’t g-g-get to decide what’s better for us,” Tara responded. Seeing Willow’s downcast look the blonde placed her fingertips on her lover’s chin and raised it to take in her green eyes. As she spoke she lifted her hand and intentionally touched their rings together as she whispered, “we decide together my love. That’s how it w-w-works best.”



Willow could feel the energy Tara was sending through their connection amplified by their rings. “Tara?” she began. “For how long?”



The blonde was a little confused by the question: “how long do we d-d-decide together? We s-s-should always decide together Will.” She knitted her brows together as she answered the confusing question from her lover.



“No. That’s not what I mean. Well, I guess it’s kind of what I mean. I mean how long together. I mean. Not that you don’t want to be and not that I’m the only one who does want to be but I’m the only one who ever says that I want to be and sometimes that scares me because what if you don’t want to be and I’m thinking like if we were looking at cars and I’m thinking of financing for 60 months and then owning forever and you’re looking at a weekly rental or something but that doesn’t sound right because it’s not like that. But I’m saying ‘forever’ and ‘always’ and we’ll live in a little house with animals and kids and …” As usual Tara silenced her girlfriend with a soft kiss.



“It s-s-scares me,” she whispered.



Locking her green eyes on Tara’s blue ones Willow asked quietly, “what scares you my love?”



“What if I h-h-hold you b-b-back?” Tara whispered. She expected Willow to interrupt but seeing that the redhead was actually waiting quietly she continued: “I love you Willow. Goddess. I l-love you s-s-so much. And I w-w-want to be with you more than anything.”



“But?” Willow prompted, stroking the blonde’s hand.



“But what if I hold you back? You have unl-l-limited opportunities: 790 math? 760 verbal? All that money? You can go anywhere and do anything. What happens when you have to c-c-choose between your greatness and me?”



Willow gathered the sobbing blonde in her arms as she confirmed what she heard, “you’re afraid I won’t choose you?”



“I’m afraid if I agree w-w-with forever, you’ll feel l-l-like you don’t have a choice,” Tara clarified.



Willow again softly kissed her lover as she stated simply answered, “ we will always have choices my love. But we make them together. Always.”



Tara giggled a little as she sat up, “together. Like agreeing w-w-where to apply to school?”



Willow smiled a little as she nodded, “ok. I guess I blew that one. I’m really sorry my love.”



Tara lay back down pulling her girlfriend with her as she stroked her hair. “I t-t-think I understand now,” she explained. As Willow relaxed into her caress the blonde asked, “so w-w-where else did I apply Will?”



“Else?” the redhead inquired. All at once she realized that it didn’t matter that Tara had heard that there were more schools. She needed to tell her that anyway. “Let’s see: Stanford, Notre Dame, Brown, Harvard, UCLA, Northwestern, Rice, and uh UC Sunnydale.”



Tara giggled as she began to sing the song from Sesame Street: “One of these things is not like the others.” As Willow laughed in agreement she continued, “but Will. I can’t afford most of those schools and there’s no way I’ll get into Harvard. Plus which: N-n-notre Dame—not Catholic.”



The mood much lighter Willow explained, “yeah. I picked a few schools by randomly generating some selections. That’s how Notre Dame got in. Not high on my list. Hard to imagine an active gay/lesbian or Wicca community.” Tara nodded her agreement. “But I figure let’s try some schools and then see what they offer.”



“That m-m-makes sense,” Tara agreed. “Will?”



Willow murmured, “yes?” as she began softly placing kisses on Tara’s neck. On one hand the blonde had spent the day on her horse and wasn’t exactly at her best but on the other… The woman was drop-dead sexy any day any time.



“D-d-did you p-p-pay the admission fees?” Tara was having trouble keeping her mind on the topic at hand as her girlfriend had advanced from light kisses to sucking on her pulse point. All rational thought was mere moments from leaving entirely.



Needing to use her mouth to answer the question the smaller woman began to allow her hands to trail over Tara’s body as she whispered, “they all waived the fees. I figured you wouldn’t want me to pay them for you.” Willow’s ministrations were interrupted by Tara’s deep laughter shaking both women. “What?” she asked perplexed and a little insulted.



Tara took Willow’s hand in her own as she began placing light kisses on the soft skin of her wrist, whispering teasingly into the flesh: “y-y-you were worried that I wouldn’t w-w-want you to pay the fees but not that you weren’t supposed to apply me at all.”



Willow finally saw the joke as she pressed Tara back onto the blankets and merged their bodies together. The last words either woman spoke coherently for a while were Willow’s admission that “irony’s kind of ironic that way.”



---



As they watched the sun rise over the edge of the building, wrapped together in their blanket Willow sleepily asked, “do you have to go to your classes today?”



“Not really,” Tara conceded. “But rehearsal is at 4:00.”



“Mmm,” Willow murmured, “so sleepy snuggles the rest of the day?” As she thought about it she amended her plan: “after we get you some food that is.”

---

"Keep in mind always the present you are constructing. It should be the future you want." - Alice Walker, Temple of My Familiar

[justin]

I'm glad that Willow and Tara were able to resolve the argument.



I just hope that Willow's learnt her lesson to not take Tara for granted.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[emyhope127127]

You just made my night. All big smile here. That's so ~~ sweet to see Willow & Tara all snuggly, yeah~~ That's all I need to go on in RL. :



Emy

[Washi]

Yay! See, they talked things through without shouting.

Now, what I liked is the fact that Willow was the one to initiate the contact. She realized she was the one who messed things up and tried to make things better. Also loved the fact that they discussed their fears. Communication is the key. Just great update.grin

---------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[LokiPromise]

Great fic so far JustSkipit, up to about part 51 and looking forward to the rest.

BB:Hello Xander...and Anya, how is your money?!

A:Fine!Thank you for asking!

[littlecrazy80]

Great update!



I loved the little notes Willow left for Tara.

And I´m glad that everything is alright now.



*lil´c*

Unter den Blinden ist der Einäugige König.



Check this out

[JennY]

YAYAYAY! I loved that. I loved how we didn't have to wait forever for the reunion, too. teehee This fic is the best!

-----------



JennY



"Obviously something in your bottle needs uncorking." -Faith

[russ]

Me too glad that the reconciliation came quickly. Hopefully Willow has learned a valuable lesson about not taking charge of others' lives without their consent.



I liked how the notes progressed from being rather defensive at first:

You said some crummy things. You’re totally selling us short. We can do better. We can be more. We can do more. Why do you want to hold us back? I thought you loved me. I thought you wanted to be with me.

then the growing note of desperation as Willow becomes lonelier & more frightened:

Are you trying to make me think? To feel sorry? To apologize? Come home and talk to me.

then the tenderness with which she speaks of her love for Tara:

I knew I wanted to be with you more than anything.



I still do. I always will.



Talk to me

.



finally the last note in which she admits she was wrong and apologizes.



At last they are able to talk about their fears. Tara understands how Willow fears that Tara doesn't see their love as permanent; that she may one day leave her. Willow understands how Tara fears she may hold Willow back from achieving all she can.



The scene where Tara went out on the roof & saw Willow sleeping accompanied by a line of soggy Kleenex was very touching. Anyone with half a heart would be moved by the sight. Tara, of course, has a heart as big as, well, Texas.



Debra, I hope you realize you have created one of those "more authentic than canon" stories. Long may it continue.



Russ

[The Rose24]

Awwww.



There are no words to describe how this update makes me feel. I just feel all warm inside.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[shuyaku]

Fantastic update. I loved the letters. They were a really great way for us to follow Willow's thoughts through Tara's POV.



And make-up snuggles yippee!!



-shuyaku