Author: Banshee
email: siren420@hotmal.com
Rating--somewhere between G and R.. No..not 'Guns N Roses'!
Feedback: As always.. sure.
Spoilers: Up to and including all that has already aired in US..and a keen peek into the kitten psyches
Disclaimer: Thank you to all of the kittens that I chat w/on nearly a daily basis and who post more in one day than I will in a month. And thank you to those masked people that I got the 'outline' from.. Remember,this is all done in fun...
Ext—Kitten Board—Night
ON TWO PAIRS OF HANDS. Typing. We sense panic and a bit of glee..and we’re right. But, as we pan up, we see that these hands belong to two board Trolls. Two really big Spuffers.
Behind them, trailing them on the board, three Avatar images are chasing them. Gaining. The trolls are the prey, and the hunters lurk behind their cute and mildly amusing Avatars:
Brian, Len and Dr. G.
And the lesbros are serious.
The Avatars are tricked out with quick moving Willow/Tara scenes and scrolling text—Dr. G is outfitted in a BIG RED FONT.
Brian: They’re getting to the Nether Realms!
Dr. G: I see them.
We see that the first troll has a file attached to him. The second troll sends out a pop up window (you know, one of those annoying “You have 1 new message” ones) into the room.
It crashes Brian’s 56k modem and freezes up Dr. G’s. Dr. G tries to unlock it, but only manages to somehow knock Len off messenger.
All three lesbros stare at their monitors, pissed.
Brian: I had to reboot—you’re going to lose them.
Len: We need that file.
Dr. G watches their movements across the board. His eyes narrow, he notices something.
Dr. G: Wait.
As the trolls exit the main Kitten page, free at least, to surf the big, wild smutty world of Spuffy fanfic pages, their relief is cut short.
Rally jumps in from Yahoo! She swamps them with willow/tara kissing screen caps. The file attached to the one troll is left on the Kitten FAQ thread.
As Rally faces off against the trolls, Dr. G watches this, his face lighting up. He quietly sneaks back into the board and, using his unlimited moderator power, snatches the file and deletes the post.
He IM’s the other guys and motions them to leave the board.
Rally has the first troll locked into a debate on what makes a good relationship, trying to get the troll into admitting that Willow and Tara had a more realistic, loving relationship. The second troll moves to IM Rally to counter..
And gets IM’d by Ruth.
Ruth sits in her gf’s apartment in Chicago, smoking a cigarette and drinking something filled with alcoholic goodness. She’s a little tipsy. She captivates the troll with endless rambling of swear words and British slang. The troll tries to close out the window, but is stuck by the endless cursing.
Ruth IM’s Rally
Ruth: How ya doin’ whore?
Rally(struggling w/several windows at once): Fine, you know…same old same old.
Ruth: (re: trapped troll) Here, I could take care of this delusional fucker if you want.
Rally sends the troll one of her music videos to the troll.
Rally: Whatever. Your call.
Ruth: I mean, she doesn’t seem too smart..
Second Troll: (insulted, but clueless) Hey, hey!!
Ruth: …but I bet she could give you a bit of a debate. I’ll save you the mocking. All you gotta do is—
As Rally sends more screen caps to the first troll:
Rally: I’m not telling the other kittens about us.
Ruth: Right. Well, I’ll just stop fucking with this Spuffer and let her have at you then.
Rally sends some season 4 dialogue to the first troll, gaining the upper hand.
Rally: You tell them what you want. Go ahead. Rock the boat. Rock and roll it the hell over. (pauses) Whatever the hell that means… The kittens will be just fine.
She overloads the first troll and she is booted off the board.
Rally: (continued) Know why? ‘Cause I got drunk and told all of my friends about last nights baseball game and Barry Bonds stats and guess how much they hate me now? Zero. Zero much.
She takes a swig of her imported Japanese beer and enlarges her font.
Rally: (continued) So I’m thinking, writing smut with you…
She closes out the kitten board window:
Rally: (continued) They’ll deal. Hell, they may even get wet from it.
Ruth watches her log off the kitten board. She exits her IM window with the second troll. The troll reacts with surprise at being free, then immediately IM’s Rally with Buffy/Spike sex screen cap ready to send.
Ruth: In that case, why won’t you write with me again?
This message was also accidentally sent to the second troll too. She stares at her screen, confused at the offer. Rally sends the second troll the image of Willow touching Tara’s breast from ‘Hells Bells’ and overloads the Spuffers computer—booting her off the internet.
Rally: Because I don’t like smut.
On Ruth. After a moment:
Ruth: (muttering to her drunken self) The hell you don’t, whore.
Int. Autumns house—night
The place is somewhere..in a city. The study is empty. A little messy with empty Vodka bottles and martini glasses everywhere. Autumn sits at the computer, unable to IM anyone. She is last in the vast emptiness of the internet. She is listening to depressing Sarah McLachlan music. Raspberry martini in one hand.
We move in(not literally, because her wife would probably be mighty pissed at over 900 people crashing on their floor). We see she is in a great deal of pain. Missing Xita.
Finally, after a moment, she closes out her media player and silences the forlorn wailing of Sarah McLachlan. It stops abruptly, leaving us thanking her.
Another beat.
Autumn closes out Kitten chat, puts down her martini and wanders around the Kitten board, reading the season ending speculation…
Ext.—Kitten board—night
…and some dialogue from upcoming episodes. Still with the lonely.
Across the board, a large breasted Latina woman lurks in the background, watching Autumn scan. When Autumn is safely tucked inside a 54 page thread, she delurks.. XITA.. Human looking(hehe). Conflicted. She wants to IM her.
Instead, she just watches her read.
BLACK OUT.
End of teaser
Believe me I don't want to go
And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so
But we both know....
And, hell, we all know that Autumn is great as Xander 
<--- Ever notice how this looks like a swelling vagina??)
