Spoiler warning for Season 4 with some references to "Doppelgangland" (Season 3).
Title- Angels and Goddesses.
Rating- R...yes you read it right...I was able to squeeze in a little goodness this round without compromising plot development. Just a little gift to wet your appetites for things to come.
Copyright Disclaimer- Do I really have to write this every time...what a pain in the ass....All characters belong to Joss and ME.
Notes- This is been a hard week...took quite a bit of time to regain my balance after this weeks nose dive into lesbian horror. Kept trying to shake off the feeling that I had been somehow murdered too....I know, I know...relate much? Anyway, I am back on track...no badness here, just the sweet stuff, I promise. I threw in some cookies that I wasn't going to include until later on in the story. I figured we deserved it...we've been more then paying our dues. These are the days of eat desert first.
Enjoy
Athame
************************************************************************
Chapter 3: Grilled Cheese and Lesbians.
Willow took a bite of her grilled cheese and studied the lunch line intently.
"So then I caught him with a round house to the face because I really didn't want to touch him with my hands. He was all slimy and stuff...and the smell...god that smell...eewww...I wonder why they have to smell that bad?"
Buffy looked at Willow who was staring past her shoulder. "Are you listening Wil?"
"Yeah, uh..all slimy and smelly and you did that demony kicky thing you do."
"Right, good, so anyway...hey...," Buffy interrupted herself, "can I have the other half of your sandwich?"
"What, No, why...you just ate your lunch, now you want mine?"
"Surprised you noticed with all your looking at everyone but me. Besides I finished my lunch a half hour ago and I'm hungry again, slayer metabolism and all. What's wrong with you? Are you okay? I have never seen you take so long to eat anything."
"Oh, right," Willow said looking at her plate, "sorry, I'm just a little..."
"Distracted? Yeah I noticed, so I ask again, what's going on?"
"Well, uh, I've got a lot on my mind right now."
"Clearly more then usual...if that is possible." Buffy said picking another fry off Willows plate.
"Stop eating my food!" Willow ordered threatening Buffy with a raised banana.
"Is that thing loaded?"
"No, it's magical, it's a magical banana used to manage misbehaving slayers. I'm a powerful wiccan...be warned."
"Ohhhh." Buffy laughed raising her hands in surrender. 'There's my Wil' she thought. "So again I ask....what is going on with you?"
"Huh, oh nothing, really..." Willow's attention was slipping past Buffy again to the front of the cafeteria."
"Look at you, you've hardly eaten anything...it's grilled cheese Wil...your favorite. You're distracted...you're not listening to my stories...and...Hey!" Buffy realized she had lost Willow. Willow was staring at something behind Buffy, her mouth agape, revealing a bite of half chewed grilled cheese. "Eewww Willow, that's attractive."
Willow's eyes shifted back towards Buffy's loud noises.
"Eewww" Buffy said again pointing at Willows still open mouth. "Food, see food, grilled cheese food!"
Willow's mouth snapped shut. She finished chewing the offending sandwich bits and opened her mouth to speak. Much to her horror she found Buffy turning in her chair.
"No."
"What are you looking at?"
"Uh, please no."
"Who are you looking at?"
Buffy had turned completely now and was looking towards where Willow's eyes had been.
"Oh" Buffy said flatly.
"Oh?" Willow cringed.
"I see" said Buffy seriously.
Willow was beginning to sweat and move nervously in her chair. "Buffy, I can explain."
"Explain?...Explain what?...Explain that. Is that what you have been keeping from me?"
"Well, uh, yeah." Willow whispered cowering now.
"Why Wil, why?...What did you think I would do? What kind of friend do you think I am? Don't you trust me? Don't you know? Do you think I am going to try to steal him from you or something....is that it?"
'Him?'..."Huh?" Willow was confused.
"You used to tell me everything."
" I...uh...," 'Him?'
Willow was trying to focus her eyes to see what Buffy was now pointing at.
"Don't point Buffy."
"But Wil..."
"Shhhh...don't draw attention." Willow was trying to concentrate. All she could see was her angel, standing in the lunch line, holding an apple.
"How long has this been going on?" Buffy queried her eyes burning into Willow.
"Not long." Willow answered in a small uncertain voice ending more like a question. 'Oh no, lies now, I'm lying to my best friend..oh no, oh no, real trouble now.'
Willow tore her eyes from the hand attached to the beauty holding the apple. With great concentration she finally realized what Buffy was gaping at.
"He's gorgeous." Buffy rattled "Why didn't you say anything...I mean really Willow."
Willow was now staring at Buffy's find, an Adonis standing directly in front of her Venus.
"Oh god" she exhaled, the weight of what was happening finally reaching her. "Oh god" she said again.
Buffy was now feeling concerned and confused herself. "So are you seeing each other?"
"You could say that," Willow said sardonically, "from a far that is."
"You mean there is nothing?"
"No, just intense admiration."
"I can see why." Buffy leered running her eyes up and down Adonis' perfect form. " So why all the secrets?"
"Just embarrassed I guess." Willow answered quickly. "A little fantasy...it has been awhile."
Willow was getting better at her lies, even as the feelings of guilt and realization were growing.
"Oh, I get it...hard with Oz and all, still not ready?"
"I'm ready, I'm completely ready, just not with him...he's kind of a ..." Willow was searching for a word.
"Boy Toy" Buffy offered, running her tongue lasciviously across over her lips.
"Yeah" Willow said smiling. 'Geez,' she thought with a sigh.
"Okay, I get it...sorry Wil, didn't mean to push, but I knew something was up, you haven't been yourself."
'No, actually, I may just be becoming myself ' she thought
"Yeah I know" she answered.
Willow's heart was pounding, a knot was forming in her throat. The struggle of the past week clarifying as she looked on the two people they were admiring. 'This is a test, it's a kind of comparison test.'
"Willow, Willow!" Buffy was touching her hand. "Hey you're leaving me again..is there something else?"
Willow shivered, her eyes clouding over. Without thinking she began to speak. "Buffy, I think... I think... I think... I'm kinda ..." Willow stopped herself mid sentence understanding finally what she was about to say aloud.
"Gay" hissed Vamp Willow from her hidden venue.
"Gay!" said Willow loudly in her head.
"You think you are kinda what Wil? Buffy was getting worried, Willow was acting very strange.
"Uh...late. Yeah, I'm late. I think I'm kinda late. As a matter of fact I am really really late and so I have to go."
Willow began to rise in her chair but Buffy still had her hand and pulled her back down.
"But Wil...you promised."
"I did?"
"Yeah, remember you promised some best friend time today, us together doing best friend stuff. Look at all we have done so far." Buffy's hand swept the room in a dramatic motion. "Look at what we have been doing for the last hour, sitting in this cafeteria staring at people we don't know."
"I know," Willow answered miserably, "I'm sorry." Willow was ready to flee. It was not Buffy, angel, or even herself. She wanted to flee the situation. It was getting too intense, she was feeling trapped. Willow needed some time alone to sort out her feelings.
"Willow, I don't like how this is feeling."
"Really Buffy, I'm okay. I have to go though. I have a study group."
"Study group"
"Yes... I forgot, I need to get to the library...now."
"What is it with you and that library?"
Willow could barely resist turning to look at her angel now sitting two tables away. It would be so easy, so easy to walk over and start this thing. This is as close as she had ever gotten. Willow was ready, she had been ready for days. She was planning, pining, waiting for a chance to speak with her girl. But Buffy was here and she would know. All Willow would have to do is approach her angel and Buffy would know, it would be written all over her. She was not ready for that.
"I guess I have to let you go."
"Yes, I will come find you in a little while. I just have this one commitment." 'Liar, liar liar.' "I'm sorry I forgot about it...I just hate to leave..." 'Liar, liar, liar.'
Willow gathered her things and stuffed the remaining sandwich quarter in her mouth. "You can have my fries" she offered.
"Gee thanks" responded Buffy sarcastically.
"Buffy I am sorry." Willow responded shaking her head about to cry.
Buffy could not stand it, she couldn't bear to hurt Willow. Any pain that Buffy unwittingly exacted always paled in comparison to what Willow could do to herself. "You go ahead, its fine, I'm just being selfish. I'll meet you back at the room in a couple of hours. I really do have some reading I should do."
"Thanks Buf." Willow answered looking relieved. She turned and scurried towards the door taking one last look at her angel as she passed.
Angel had her head down and was staring at the apple in her hand.
"I cant believe I am leaving her." Willow whispered quietly to herself. "She is holding my world in the palm of her hand and she doesn't even know it."
Buffy sat and watched Willow leave. She was worried. "There is something going on with her...something big...I know it...I just know it."
Two tables over angel sat quietly still staring at her apple. 'Fool...' She thought biting her lip, she had seen the red head leave. 'I'm sure she saw me, perhaps she doesn't want to know me after all. Fool... why would she?' Angel dropped the apple on the table letting it roll. She left it there as a reminder to a hope left unfulfilled. "Should have had the grilled cheese," she muttered escaping to the exit "maybe then she would have wanted me."
Angel knew that that reasoning did not seem to make any sense. It didn't matter, not many people understood the karmic value of grilled cheese. Angel was despondent, she had thought for a brief moment that she and that wildly kinetic creature had something between them. Something stronger and larger then them both, something that would together make them whole. Now she was afraid she was wrong, that perhaps it was all a beautiful foolish dream. Angel wanted to cry.
************************************************************************
Willow rushed to the library nearly bowling over several people on the way. 'I cant believe I left her...I cant believe I didn't even say hello. What if she saw me...what if she thinks I don't want her..I mean want to know her...no, I mean want her, I want her, I want her more then I have ever wanted anything in my life.'
Willow struggled up the steps breathing heavily from her run. 'Computer...got to find a computer, got to get the call number for...' Willow reached a terminal and dropped her belongings.
'Les...okay,there it is.'
Willow turned to get her bearings, grabbing her bag and counting down the stacks. Finally finding the correct direction she made a mad dash towards "Homosexuality."
Willow was surprised to find a rather large section before her. 'Hmm, any how toos?' she wondered. Perusing the shelves she found plenty of books she wanted to review. Books on coming out, feminism, history, who's who, were all there for the taking. Willow was scared and excited all at the same time.
Willow spotted a white book a little larger then the others. 'Maybe this one has pictures' she thought. She took it out and looked at the title. 'The Joy of Lesbian...what?' She paused and put her hand on the enticing title. 'The Joy of Lesbian Sex....of yeah...it has pictures.'
Willow smiled. 'The Joy of Lesbian Sex...The Joy of Lesbian Sex...lesbian lesbian lesbian gay gay gay sex sex sex.' Willow was practicing.
She found a quiet desk tucked in a corner deep in the bowels of the hall. 'No one will bother me here' she thought, 'not even Buffy.' Willow knew that there was no way that Buffy would venture to far into the library, it would be like Willow wandering alone into an unknown crypt.
She laid out the books and began to examine her choices. She picked up several and put them down again her eyes always returning to the one. 'This is stupid, its not all about sex...well...maybe its a little about sex.' Willow was realizing that she was very attracted to her angel...she had been so since the beginning. She also knew there was something larger and more powerful, but right now all she could think about was sex.
She touched the tempting text that seemed so much larger then the others. The book seemed to be calling her. She opened the book and her eyes grew wide. 'I can see there is a lot of important information in here' she thought a flush rushing through her body.
"Oh my" she whispered rubbing the tops of her thighs with the palms of her hands her skin beginning to tingle. Her physical response to the visuals before her was almost immediate. 'Well I guess I don't need any of those how do you know if you are books' she thought moving through the pages absorbing everything she saw.
Suddenly her pants were feeling very tight against her crotch. Every shift, every repositioning sent a bolt of energy through her. 'Soon I'll be considering masturbating in the library' she thought looking around to see if anyone was near. She closed the book and placed it aside, gratefully knowing that she had found what she had needed. Leaning back in her chair, she shut her eyes and tried to slow her breathing. Her body was humming from all of the visual stimulation and explanations of delicious sapphic loving. She struggled against the naked images dancing in her head like sugar plum fairies. 'Yummm' she thought smacking her lips. Her body was alive, her breathing quickening rather then slowing. Heat was accumulating and beginning to rise. Willow's head was swimming in the multitude of sensations.
Willow drew an image up out of the depths of her longing. It was that of her angel in the library, naked and stretching in her chair. Willow moaned, admiring her future lover bathed in brilliant sunlight. Small beads of sweat had formed and were glistening on angel's skin making her sparkle in the light. Willow was on her knees before her, boldly reaching up to grasp a perfect breast. She could feel the texture of the smooth skin, the areola a silken moon, the nipple a hardening sun. Angel was looking upon her, reaching out and drawing her up. Still holding the breast, wrapped also in light, Willow rose to meet her angel in one perfect life changing kiss.
Tensing now Willow squeezed her legs together tightly trying to hold the feeling. Arousal was rumbling through her like thunder through the mountains. She did not want to release, she wanted to hold the feeling forever, keeping it an indelible memory burning into her being.
Willow sighed, she was in heaven, utterly content in her dream. She knew that this was how it would be. She knew that this was how it would feel, she knew.
Reluctantly she drew herself back...away from her warm wet fantasy. As she let the tide recede, Willow knew what she must do, she must find this woman, she must make her hers.
************************************************************************
It was dinner time and Willow was waiting patiently outside the cafeteria. She was pretending to read. Buffy had been content with their time and now was happily off with Riley trying to rid herself of the friskys left over from Adonis.
Willow sat hopefully, knowing that eventually she would be rewarded for her stubborn perseverance. She didn't have to wait long, angel doesn't disappoint.
The young woman didn't see Willow. Whisking by with her head down and a book in her arms presumably to read while eating, she seemed to notice no one.
Willow rose and smoothed herself. She checked her reflection in the glass of an announcement case near the cafeteria door.
'Okay Rosenberg...this is it.'
Taking a deep breath she moved herself onward with an eye on one goal only, to meet the woman of her dreams. Willow could not help but grin at the memory of her fantasy in the library. 'I need to be careful not to undress her with my eyes' Willow reminded herself, fearing that she might be driven to stare at her angel and visualize.
"Soon I will know her name" she hummed happily.
"What?" said the guy in front of her.
"All the dinner looks the same" she answered pleased with her quick response. "Look," she continued, "grilled cheese."
"Didn't we have that for lunch?" he asked making a face.
"Yup, probably the leftovers."
"No thanks" he said moving away.
'That worked' she thought smiling.
"I'll have some grilled cheese please" She called to the dinner lady. 'Grilled cheese for good luck.'
Willow took her courage and her grilled cheese and marched towards her waiting goal. She didn't think to be nervous or frightened, she knew in her heart it was right. She knew instinctively that it would be okay.
"Hi" She said boldly finally reaching the table.
The blond was reading, chewing on a carrot.
'Good, she's bookish like me' admired Willow pleased with the sight. Angel raised her face and registered her surprise.
"Hi" Willow said again with a grin, "Is this seat taken?" she asked pointing at the chair directly across from the blond.
"N-n-n-no" came the response.
'She's nervous' thought Willow looking on her gently, 'I made her stutter.'
"I'm Willow" she said softening her tone.
"Tara" said the girl.
"Tara" repeated Willow liking the feel of the name on her tongue. She presented her best Willow smile.
The two looked at each other for a long moment.
"I think you are in my art class with professor Leopold." Willow stated.
"Oh y-y-yes" came the response, Tara smiling and nodding her head emphatically. "H-h-he's so funny."
"He is indeed...kind of peculiar too...and he really likes breasts a lot...not that liking breasts is peculiar...no...what I mean is... he is... just peculiar in general." Willow was babbling.
Tara laughed, 'she is so adorable...and nervous just like me.' "He certainly does... I mean like the breasts...and he is very peculiar, but fun."
Willow basked in the sound of Tara's laugh already in love with the seductive quality of her voice.
'Blue' she thought looking across the table 'they are blue.' Willow was silenced for a moment about to drown in the eyes changing different shades of blue before her. She was enraptured.
"Grilled cheese?" inquired Tara pointing at Willow's sandwich.
"Yes," she answered noticing that Tara now was staring back, their happiness tangible. "I cant seem to get enough of it these days." she said slowly with emphasis. Willow was not talking about grilled cheese.
Tara seemed to understand. She nodded her head and held Willow's gaze. The most beautiful knowing smile was gradually tipping its way across her face.
"I know exactly what you mean" Tara whispered.
Willow had found her home.
************************************************************************
Thanks for reading.
Chapter 4 is coming next...."Hush if You're a Wiccan"
Back soon,
Athame
Edited by: Blue Athame 1 at: 5/21/02 9:59:58 pm
by capricornmist » Sun May 12, 2002 9:23 am 
That was great. 
