'The Longest Distance' (new fic)

[AlysonGoddess]

ooo very interesting please update soon im dying to know whats gunna happen
Erin

[viximon]

Hola grr in girl De nuevo me tienes aqui
Wow. And I mean uh-oh. Bad stuff poped out but the good side is that maybe it's a start to our girls to recolect, meet again yada yada.
'Cause that emergency Buffy talked about was Tara-related. Wasn't it?
I'm so impatience to read more.

Black stone is bad...well it's black, black normally means bad thinks, dark and stuff.
Hope you update soon so I can read and find out.
Great work by the way.
Take care

Nos leemos en el próximo capítulo. Sigue así

[grr in girl]

Candleshoe: I'm sorry, I had to laugh at your comment about you cracking up at work... The thing is I wanted it to be a crazy dream, and that was the first crazy thing that came up. But the truth is that I was in Paris this Christmas, and they had actually set up a place to ice-skate on the Eiffel Tower. I liked it so much that I just had to put it here. Thanks for reading


caz:

Tara was moving on with her life - I now realise that she has also 'grown up' too. She's not the shy stuttering girl anymore

At least Willow has made a move towards leaving college. I'm sure that once she's back home she'll sort herself out. She really needs to talk to her friends!

That's one of the things I first thought about, how the girls were going to change through time. Tara's mostly sure of herself now, still a little shy, but "grown up", which is kind of what happened to me, when I think about myself years back. So, even if she wasn't with Willow or the Scoobies, she has still grown up.
Willow's changes are more about the outside world, about her life, but also how they have influenced her inside.
But I'm rambling... I'll stop now.


dorksrcool:

I wonder if Tara called her old pals for help....

Hmmm... you really think so?


Irene73:

moment of silence in rememberance of Ms. Parker

Oh, yes, let's. I'm sorry I created a nice character just to kill her... I'm evil.
And I'm also evil because I ended the update there. I think I can be eviler than that.

Assuming that Tara arrived at Buffy's that same night, is it safe to say that she didn't move that far away from Sunnydale?

Assuming that what you say is what happened, I assume you'll know that soon.


will: Thank you! Here's more.


AlysonGoddess: The suspense... God, what's going to happen?


viximon: Holaaa.

'Cause that emergency Buffy talked about was Tara-related. Wasn't it?

Why are you assuming that? It could be that Dawn has been kidnapped by some aliens! I'm sorry, I'm joking...

Black stone is bad...

Yeah, I kind of used a lot of darkness in Tara's bit, and then the black stone. Certainly not good.

------------------------------------------------------

Author: grr in girl
Disclaimer: 'BtVS' and all its characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Rating: I'm going to say R.
Setting: It takes place after Season Six's 'Tabula Rasa' (although there are changes in some of the season's previous events), when Tara moves out, only that she moves out of town. Almost four years go by.
Comments: High angst level.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you want to.


Chapter 5

“What do you say to a dream that won’t go away?” (‘Charge’, Splendid)


Tara was sitting in the Summers’ living room, a place she thought she’d never see again. And, whenever she imagined her return, the situation was completely different from this.

She had broken down in the car, shortly after driving away from the store, tears preventing her from seeing the road clearly, so she had stopped the car on the curb and buried her face in her arms, leaning on the steering wheel. Ms. Parker, her friend, was dead. She wasn’t very sure of how she’d gotten to Sunnydale –probably driving like a sleepwalker- but, somehow, she had done it.

The old familiarity of the Summers’ house enveloped her, and slowly she began to recover.

“Willow,” she muttered. Is Willow here?

“She’s coming,” Dawn said, entering the room and handing her a cup of scalding tea.

Dawn… She couldn’t get over the shock of seeing Dawn so grown up. Part of her still expected to see the girl that threw a tantrum about some small thing and then ran upstairs to scribble everything in her diary. But that was over. Everything had changed; Dawn was merely the embodiment of it.

Some minutes later, Buffy reappeared from the kitchen, phone in hand.

“Right, I sent Xander and Anya to get Willow. They’ll be here soon. Are you feeling better?” she asked Tara.

“I… yes. They’re… they’re all coming?”

“Yeah, because of what you said, that a friend of yours has been killed tonight.”

“By magic,” Dawn added. “She said that a friend of hers has been killed by magic, and then she nearly collapsed.”

Tara looked at Dawn, somehow –amidst the present chaos- feeling guilty about the years of silence- the girl’s dry tone and too-honest words implied that she was feeling sour towards her. What did you expect, a warm welcome? But it wasn’t the time to talk –or even think- about that.

It wasn’t time to think about those things, but she was musing about distance and time, and how they had crisscrossed to form one solid thing. That thing could be called displacement, or alienation.

“Um, what did you say to Willow?”

“She doesn’t know that you’re here,” Buffy answered, “I just told her that Xander would pick her up, ‘cause I didn’t know how to… or if I should… you know.”

So Surprise, surprise it will be, she thought, nodding. Her whole body tingled with anticipation, and she had to set the mug on the table to keep her hands from dropping it involuntarily.

What’s going to happen here? And then, like an answer, she heard a car outside. Tara knew that both Buffy and Dawn were studying her, maybe expecting a reaction, but she kept perfectly still, her eyes on the ridge of the coffee table. She was waiting –seconds stretching and stretching- and listening. One, two car doors closing. Xander, Anya. And then, a third door closing.

Some moments later, the house’s front door opened, and only then did Tara stand up and look. A tired-faced Xander was the first to enter; he waved at her and stood beside Buffy. Then came Anya, completely unworried; she even smiled.

And, lastly, Tara saw her: nervous, agitated, looking around with questioning eyes, probably wondering what was going on and why wasn’t she informed.

Willow.

Her hair was longer, still red, although a little darker. She was wearing jeans and a black shirt. She had lost weight. But, altogether, she was still Willow. Tara confirmed what her heart already knew: that she would always be Willow.

Then, Willow’s green eyes found her –they found her eyes- and everything stopped. Tara didn’t move; her body was paralyzed. The redhead was just standing there too, eyes wide open, lips parted, but not a sound came out.

She was barely conscious that there were other people there, and that they were shuffling their feet uncomfortably.

“Come on,” Buffy said, finally. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

“Yeah,” Xander nodded, circling Anya’s waist and directing her. “They don’t need an audience.”

Dawn followed the group and was the one to close the kitchen door.

Alone. There wouldn’t be much time, but surely they had some moments, at least. Should she spend them just contemplating Willow? Was she to speak, or should she let Willow? No, I should do it. I’m the one that left and the one that returned. Goddess, she looks beautiful… Stop, say something.

“Willow,” she said, her voice clear.

Willow didn’t show any evidence of having heard her; she seemed to be in a world of her own. She probably is, Tara thought, knowing the absolute pandemonium that had to be Willow’s brain in those moments.

“Will,” she tried again, using a gentler tone.

Only then did Willow blink and move her lips.

“Tara.”

[Candleshoe]

Dibs!!

I actually held my breath at this line:

Then, Willow’s green eyes found her –they found her eyes- and everything stopped. Tara didn’t move; her body was paralyzed.

which means the writing must be good; I have the roast in the oven, and I am thinking about preparing vegetables, but I still got so caught up in this that I forgot to breath.

I have started again in case you are worrying, but I can't wait for the next update!

[JustSkipIt]

That was really well and powerfully writtten. I'm particularly impressed that you chose such an economy of words. No willow-babble. Just their names and then you ended the update. Very well done.

[k-prime]

I absolutely love it. To second JustSkipIt, the simplicity that you wrote that scene with made it incredible.
...of course, it's also going to drive me nuts until you update again.

[dorksrcool]

Oh my god! That was freakin' awesome! What a powerful and suspenseful update. I love this fic! Your writing is hypnotizing, I can't take my eyes off of the screen. There were certain lines and paragraphs I had to read two or three times because they were SO good. Like this;

It wasn’t time to think about those things, but she was musing about distance and time, and how they had crisscrossed to form one solid thing. That thing could be called displacement, or alienation.

Wow!

Or this,

Tara confirmed what her heart already knew: that she would always be Willow.

That is so sad and beautiful!

And finally this,

Alone. There wouldn’t be much time, but surely they had some moments, at least. Should she spend them just contemplating Willow? Was she to speak, or should she let Willow? No, I should do it. I’m the one that left and the one that returned. Goddess, she looks beautiful… Stop, say something.

I love Tara's thoughts here. She's in shock and been rendered speechless (duh, it's Willow). The tension is so palpable here, like in the beginning when Tara's sitting at the table and she hears Xander's car pull up. I could feel the tension building as I sat at my computer. Damn, that's what I call talent!

Thanks a bunch for this update and this wonderful story. I will anxiously await the next update.

[Useful_Oxymoron]

Well, this update was definitely breath-taking and very well written. Willow and Tara meeting again after four years. I bet those two will have a lot to discuss...

Also really liked the culture-shock Tara has upon meeting the Scoobies again. Great work. Looking forward to the next part.

[will]

Wow that was really really good, I love it.
And now I can't wait to read what they will say to each other.
Please update soon.

[viximon]

Kyaa!! They meet again, at last!!
Well, and it's just so awkward as I imagined. I feel a little bad for them.
Besides, you didn't say much about how Willow did with the magic after Tara. Or did you do it intentionaly? Either way I'm all eager to read more.
The scobbies reactions were awsome good. It might be hurting for Tara but she's stronger than that.And for the gang too, seeing Tara appear after that long, knowing nothing about the gentle witch 'till now...wow. Go grr in girl
Update soon so we see what happen now
Nice job, mate.

Aún les queda mucho camino por delante, lleno de obstaculos, presumo, pero si llegan al destino valdrá la pena. Please continue soon ok?

Take care and see you next chap.

[Guppy]

Wow, just found this fic and gotta say it's well written. Love how simply you capture their reunion. It's perfect. I can't wait for the next chapter!

[grr in girl]

Candleshoe: Okay, I must be doing something well if I made you forget the roast, you holding your breath and everything... Nice. I'm actually proud that I've been able to portray the situation right, since I lived something quite similar not very long ago.


JustSkipIt: Thank you, I thought that not using too many words would be better, so that you -the reader- concentrates more on the crucial moment. And of course I think that Willow is too shocked to babble.


k-prime: You can stop driving yourself nuts, I updated Thanks, I pictured a simple scene, I think it makes it more intense and realistic.


dorksrcool:

Your writing is hypnotizing, I can't take my eyes off of the screen.

Sorry, that made me blush, and the other things you said too... . I'll say that building the tension was difficult, I wanted to reflect that feeling when seconds go by very, very slowly for you.


Irene73: Hola. Glad you liked the meeting.

with just a few lines and choice of words. Not overdoing it at all.

Again, you all seem to approve on the economy of words, and that's great, because I wasn't sure that it was the right choice. But it was, so I'm happy .
I also wanted to capture -like you said- Tara's alienation from the Scoobies... like the incommodity of having to sit down in Buffy's house, with both Buffy and Dawn looking at her, and waiting for the rest.
And about Xander... I did consider including some awkward comment from Xander or Anya, but I guess I made the guy grow up and show his perceptive side.
Besos.


Useful_Oxymoron: Yes, they do have a lot to discuss... That was the easy part, before they met and the final meeting. Now begins the tough stuff (at least for me).

the culture-shock Tara has upon meeting the Scoobies again

Hard things never come alone. Not only she has to face Willow, but the rest of the Scoobies too.


will: Thanks! Oh... what will they say? See below.


viximon: Finally... they met, they met! It was awkward though, like you said, but it couldn't be another way, precisely because (bad break-up aside) it's been a long time and there's many things that they don't know about each other. One of those things is what you said: Willow and magic. I didn't comment on it on purpose .
El destino de los caminos llenos de obstáculos siempre merece más la pena que el de los caminos faciles.



Guppy: I'm glad that you've found this fic. Welcome, sit down, relax, and read. Thank you so much!

------------------------------------------------------

Author: grr in girl
Disclaimer: 'BtVS' and all its characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Rating: I'm going to say R.
Setting: It takes place after Season Six's 'Tabula Rasa' (although there are changes in some of the season's previous events), when Tara moves out, only that she moves out of town. Almost four years go by.
Comments: High angst level.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you want to.


Chapter 6

“I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving” (‘The District Sleeps Alone Tonight’, The Postal Service)


Willow had uttered the only thing that she’d been able to say: Tara’s name.

Contrary to her body, which she hadn’t moved, her mind was racing. What…? How can she be here? And why is she here? Stop dreaming, she’s not here for you. But this is real. And now I’m making a fool of myself with the stillness and the silence.

I can’t believe that she’s here. Just look at her.

Tara was standing between the sofa and the coffee table, arms wrapped around her own body, as if she needed to hold on to something. Her hair was dark blond and fell over her shoulders, framing her face. She was wearing a long, wavy skirt and a brown wool sweater, clothes that she had never seen before, of course. But Tara was still Tara.

Grownup Tara, she thought, feeling electrified and somewhat dizzy. Willow wasn’t sure if she could bear looking at her much longer. Was her mind playing games with her, magnifying everything, spinning the room around Tara? She wanted her to move, to talk. She wanted to touch her but, at the same time, she wondered if touching Tara was something that her mind could resist without the risk of losing all sanity.

“Tara,” she repeated, without being really conscious. “It’s you. You’re here… You’re really here.”

“Yeah,” the blonde said, with a sigh.

“Why?” she asked, after a pause. “I’m sorry, I mean… how come?”

“Something’s happened…” Tara walked several steps closer to her. “A friend of mine has been killed.”

“What? Oh, God…”

Before rationalizing her actions, Willow walked towards the blonde and stopped at less than a meter’s distance from her. Where do you think you’re going? Were you really going to hug her?

“It was a… peculiar death,” Tara went on, “so I guessed that I needed your help. Scooby help.”

Of course, Scooby help. But there really was no time for her self-pity.

“Tara, I’m so sorry…”

Tara glanced at the kitchen door, and Willow felt like collapsing. Fainting, like all the women did in classic movies. No, she wanted to cry, look at me, talk to me. She found that she couldn’t get enough of looking at Tara, at all her tiny facial gestures and comparing them with her memories, recognizing old ones and discovering new ones.

“Should I call them in?” Tara asked, gesturing towards the kitchen.

Tara’s right, this is an urgent situation, there’s no time for a re-bonding moment, or a staring-at-Tara moment. Still, she felt the need of saying something.

“Tara, I… I’m glad to see you. Even if the circumstances aren’t, you know, the best?”

“Me too.”

They stole several seconds more, sharing a loaded silence, and then Tara went to open the kitchen door. Willow stood there, her hands interlocked before her, not knowing if there was an actual word or set of words that could describe her state. Turmoil is a close call, she thought, but there were many other things, including impotence. It was like wanting to do a million things at a time, and, above all, saying the right thing, the perfect thing that would both comfort Tara and keep her in front of her.

The others began entering the living room; slowly, uncomfortably. There wasn’t a single struggle to figure out how they were to sit: Xander occupied an armchair, with Anya sitting on its arm; Dawn curled up on the other armchair; Buffy, ever-active, decided not to sit down, which left the whole sofa empty. You’d say that they talked about this in the kitchen, Willow mused, glancing at Tara, who slowly went to the sofa and sat on it.

Was Tara having the same doubts? She couldn’t get over the oddity of the situation. Here they are, prepared to face any danger, any monster. Here we are, gathered in Buffy’s house, all the Scoobies. As if four years hadn’t gone by, but they had. They were all a little older, and they all expected her to act maturely and sit beside Tara because that was what had to be done.

What if she couldn’t? What if it was too much for her? I can’t, she muttered internally, I can’t do this, but everyone was waiting for her to do it anyway. It looked like she would need a million years to adjust, to find a new state of mind in which Tara’s presence was a possible and acceptable thing. However, her friends were only giving her seconds. Okay… She sighed and sat on the sofa, not daring to lift her eyes. Am I the only one that sees the insanity of this?

“So…” Tara began, “I’m sorry to disturb all of you, but I didn’t know what to do, where to go.”

“Don’t worry about that, just tell us what happened,” Buffy said, gently. “Who was your friend?”

“She owns… owned a magic shop. She was a witch.”

Magic shop? Witch? Willow found the courage to turn her head and look at Tara. So she’d been doing spells with someone? Well, it’s understandable, why do you get all flustered? What gives you the right? But knowing that she had no right to judge –or even comment on- anything that Tara had done angered her more.

“Where was this?” Buffy asked.

“Um, it was in Evening Hill,” Tara answered, bowing her head and picking at the edge of her skirt, “where I live.”

“What?” Willow heard herself cry, like an alien voice coming from within. “That’s less than two hours from here… You’ve been living there all this time?”

The blonde just nodded.

“What difference does it make?” Anya asked.

“I figured that you’d go as far away from here as you could,” As far away from me as you could. “But… Evening Hill? You can see the darn hill from here!”

“Will, calm down, okay?” Xander reached out and grasped her arm.

“I’m calm,” she lied, squirming out of Xander’s grip.

“Then stay calm, we’re not here to discuss that,” Buffy said. “Tara, go on.”

Willow folded her hands over her lap and pretended to behave. No one could see that she was almost crushing her fingers, in an expression of shame and silent rage. Almost four years apart from Tara, and her love had been living in the little town that she could glimpse from her bedroom window. I can’t believe this is real.

[k-prime]

I love how well you've captured Willow, and the pain and confusion she must be going through in such a situation. To have spent the past four years torturing herself over what happened with Tara, only to find out that she was living a stone's throw away...wow.

It looked like she would need a million years to adjust, to find a new state of mind in which Tara’s presence was a possible and acceptable thing. However, her friends were only giving her seconds.

I can't begin to imagine the turmoil that she's feeling. You did a great job expressing that.
Fantastic update!

[mole]

Just wanted to say that I'm enjoying the emotional intensity of this piece. I'll echo the comments of others that you're accomplishing a great deal with minimal words. Not always an easy thing to do.

Aside from the shock of seeing each other again (W & T as well as the Scoobies and T), you've got a mystery working. Can't wait to see what evil is afoot and what scoobiage will be needed to save the day.

Keep up the great work.
Michelle

[Candleshoe]

I'm still enjoying ths so much. I keep forgetting I'm reading because the words flow so well together, and get the feelings across so well. It feels like I am living it instead.

[caz]

Two chapters to read - I'm well chuffed!

The Scoobies seemed pleased to see Tara - Willow is a different matter though. She seemed to be dealing with the situation until Tara mentioned where she had been living. I get the feeling that Willow is going to do or say something she's gonna regret in the next update.

More soon please!

Caz

[dorksrcool]

Another powerful update, how do you do it? I get all sweaty and anxious reading it. I really love your description of Willow's internal turmoil here. It's very true to the character and it's quite heartbreaking.

Before rationalizing her actions, Willow walked towards the blonde and stopped at less than a meter’s distance from her. Where do you think you’re going? Were you really going to hug her?

So sad that Willow's beating herself up for simply wanting to embrace her, but it makes sense. I really liked her internal dialogue here.

It looked like she would need a million years to adjust, to find a new state of mind in which Tara’s presence was a possible and acceptable thing. However, her friends were only giving her seconds. Okay… She sighed and sat on the sofa, not daring to lift her eyes. Am I the only one that sees the insanity of this?

Love that last line and this entire passage. You've really captured Willow's struggle here.

Can't wait for more!

[Guppy]

Another awesome update. Good development in such few words, very effective. If I was Willow I would be rather frustrated too, only 2 hours away?? I'd be mad at myself for not somehow finding her. It seems like Tara couldn't quite bring herself to completely leave Will.

Was Tara having the same doubts? She couldn’t get over the oddity of the situation. Here they are, prepared to face any danger, any monster. Here we are, gathered in Buffy’s house, all the Scoobies. As if four years hadn’t gone by, but they had. They were all a little older, and they all expected her to act maturely and sit beside Tara because that was what had to be done.

I love that. You definately built up the awkwardness of the situation. I can't wait for the next update.

[viximon]

ouchy, things didn't go that well but bad either went knowing the circunstances they are in.
Willow's emotion really get a little uncontroled when Tara is envolved.
Good update though short.

Se nota a leguas que la llama aún arde entre Willow y Tara a pesar de lo sucedido y el tiempo.

Hope you update soon and we learn more about the new evil and such. Mostly I want to read about our dear couple (nowadays ex-couple but I have faith it will change again to better)

Take care
till the next chapter pal.

[spells42]

Hi gig
I wasn't sure I wanted to read a fic where W&T were so thoroughly estranged, and the Scoobies so thoroughly dysfunctional, but your writing drew me in. You evoke their pain and other emotions so powerfully and with great economy of words.

I'm glad, now that they're working together (Ms Parker's life a noble sacrifice), 'cos where's there's proximity there's hope.

Looking forward to more.

Anne

[JustSkipIt]

Wow, that's amazingly tension filled. I mean the other Scoobies planned where to sit? W/T are both so ... uncomfortable. Interesting that what Willow gloans onto is that Tara was close all along. I mean we all know that if someone doesn't want to talk to you or see you or have a relationship, it kind of doesn't matter if they life 5 minutes or 5 days away from you. But in this case, that's what sets her off. Can't wait to see where you're going.

[AlysonGoddess]

yay that was such a good update!!! I liked it alot! And there needs to be more so please continue!!! I love this story its sad and has lots of angstyness and i like that so in the next update plz let there be lots of angstyness and drama please update soon!
erin

[Useful_Oxymoron]

Wow, emotionally powerful and well-written update here. I loved Willow's thoughts as she saw Tara again, all grownup Tara. So sad, yet with twidgings of hope. And poor Will's anger when she finds out Tara's been living a two hour trip away for the past four years. Ouch...

[grr in girl]

k-prime:

To have spent the past four years torturing herself over what happened with Tara, only to find out that she was living a stone's throw away...

I'm glad you think that I've reflected the situation well. I was scared of making Willow too angry, but I guess I didn't Like I said a million times now, I'm living something similar to Willow, but there's also similarities with Tara, so this is like a therapy-fic for me.


mole:

Just wanted to say that I'm enjoying the emotional intensity of this piece

Thanks, I was scared because it started very slowly, and I guess I thought that people would lose interest. Luckily, I was wrong.

Aside from the shock of seeing each other again (W & T as well as the Scoobies and T), you've got a mystery working. Can't wait to see what evil is afoot and what scoobiage will be needed to save the day.

Yes, that's the other part of the story, the mystery, can't forget the crystal. We'll see, we'll see...


Candleshoe:

I keep forgetting I'm reading because the words flow so well together, and get the feelings across so well. It feels like I am living it instead.

That means I've somehow managed to suck you into the story, and I feel incredibly flattered.


caz:

Two chapters to read -

Lucky you, no waiting.

The Scoobies seemed pleased to see Tara - Willow is a different matter though

That's right, because Willow's got more conflicted feelings when it comes to Tara, of course.

I get the feeling that Willow is going to do or say something she's gonna regret in the next update

You think so? Well, let's see...


Irene73: Holaa...

Geez If I were Willow I would've broken down and cried...no phone call, no e-mail, no communication what-so-ever and only two hours away

I think that Willow's too surprised for tears right now... she's angry, but wondering if she has the right to be... you know, a turmoil. And yes, you were right, Tara was close! I think that gives her away a little. Anyway, thanks y besos.


dorksrcool:

how do you do it? I get all sweaty and anxious reading it

Lol, I don't know, I'm just following the story I imagined. Glad that you think that Willow's turmoil is true to the character. Oh, and that last paragraph... it's like wanting time to stop, just so you can pause and put your thoughts and feelings in order. But you know, time doesn't stop, and no one waits for you, and thoughts and feelings are all mixed together and you burst out and say the exact thing that you didn't want to say. I'm sorry, I tend to ramble.


Guppy:

If I was Willow I would be rather frustrated too, only 2 hours away?? I'd be mad at myself for not somehow finding her

I think that's true, that she's feeling a mixture of things, and that feeling is there somewhere.

It seems like Tara couldn't quite bring herself to completely leave Will.

Yes! I was also trying to imply that. I'm so happy...


viximon:

ouchy, things didn't go that well but bad either went knowing the circunstances they are in

I think that, in such situations, things don't go good or bad, they tend to be mostly weird and uncomfortable until time and distance re-adjust and you find it acceptable again. (I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well...) Exacto, lo que no impide que la llama siga ardiendo.


spells42:

I wasn't sure I wanted to read a fic where W&T were so thoroughly estranged, and the Scoobies so thoroughly dysfunctional, but your writing drew me in

Hi, I'm happy that you gave the fic a chance, even if it won't be pretty (at least not at first).


JustSkipIt: I guess that something had to set her off due to the impression of seeing Tara there, and she kind of held on to the distance thing. That said, I think that settling in a neighboring town means that Tara didn't want to be too far away, which is meaningful. I don't know, I think it makes a difference, it did for me. It's like, "if I just walked a little further, I could have seen her", but she didn't know, and four years went by.


AlysonGoddess: Thank you!! You masochist... angst and drama? Okay, you asked for it...


Useful_Oxymoron:

Ouch...

Ouch, indeed, a lot of it. But, as you said, there's hope, there's always hope.

------------------------------------------------------

Author: grr in girl
Disclaimer: 'BtVS' and all its characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Rating: I'm going to say R.
Setting: It takes place after Season Six's 'Tabula Rasa' (although there are changes in some of the season's previous events), when Tara moves out, only that she moves out of town. Almost four years go by.
Comments: High angst level.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you want to.


Chapter 7

“How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?” (‘So Much’, The Spill Canvas)


Tara finished explaining how she found Ms. Parker’s body and then fell silent. She’d told them about the black crystal, but hadn’t shown it to them, and the reason was sitting right beside her: Willow. Her precautions made her feel guilty, but the crystal had to be a magical thing, and they couldn’t be too careful. After all, Ms. Parker was dead. She’s been killed, Tara thought, underlining the difference.

“So,” Buffy began, “You’re saying that this crystal-thingy has to do with your friend’s death?”

“I think that whoever killed Ms. Parker was trying to find it.”

“And she knew that they were coming for the crystal.” Dawn said.

“That’s why she slipped the stone in your bag, to hide it from them?” Xander asked. “But why put you in danger?”

“I don’t know, maybe she trusted me to protect it? Or maybe she had no one else.”

“Can we see it?” Dawn asked.

“Of course.”

Tara got up and remembered that Dawn had put her handbag on the dining room table, out of the way. She found her handbag and extracted the crystal. Was it heavier than before? Warmer? Pushing the thought away, she deposited the crystal on the coffee table so that everyone could see it.

“It’s…” Xander began.

“A big black stone.” Anya said, not even blinking.

“And yet it has to be something more.” Tara scanned everyone’s faces, stopping at Willow.

She inspected her face, trying to read it, thinking that maybe she still could, even after three years. Almost four. Was there an emotion that she hadn’t seen in Willow’s face? It was possible that they had felt a piece of every human emotion, and Willow’s face was like a canvas. So what was this feeling that had painted itself over her face?

Worry, Tara concluded, feeling the urge of reaching out and grasping one of Willow’s hands. Four years ago she would’ve done it, and even more, but now… Now she kept to herself.

“We gotta find out what this is,” Buffy seemed to spin into action, “and what it does, if it does something.”

“Okay,” Xander said, “What do we do?”

“Full research mode. Xander, Anya, Dawn, you do the books. Will, Internet?”

“Yeah,” Willow answered, pulling out her laptop.

“Tara, if you’re feeling okay you can help…” Buffy hesitated, and Tara knew that she didn’t want to decide for her. “Help any of them. I’ll phone Giles and try to describe this… thing.”

“Buffy, you don’t have to do that,” Dawn piped. “Twenty-first century, remember? I’ll take a picture of it and send it to Giles.”

“I’m feeling my age,” Buffy said, grinning sarcastically to no one in particular before going to get the phone.

The room that just seconds ago had been calm –the only disturbance being the sound of her voice as she explained about Ms. Parker- was now boiling with activity at a nearly frenetic rate. Xander and Anya were laying books on the dining room table, piles of books from the shelves. Dawn returned with her digital camera and took photographs of the black crystal from several angles. Meanwhile, Buffy’s high-pitched voice was audible from the kitchen.

And Willow? Where was she? Willow had sat down at the dining room table too, laptop open before her, but was noticeably far away from Xander and Anya. What was going on? They had all barely spoken to Willow, and the redhead hadn’t said a thing, apart from the outburst about Evening Hill. Tara had understood the reasons for that outburst. It did make a difference. She could’ve gone far away, but she didn’t, and it hadn’t been just because Evening Hill was a nice little town.

She sighed and walked towards Willow, who was frowning at the screen. The redhead glanced at her and unknitted her eyebrows, apologetically.

“I don’t know where to start, exactly. Magical gemstones and crystals?”

“I’d say that’s a good call,” she pulled up a chair and sat beside Willow.

“Yeah, at least there are pictures,” the redhead gestured at the extensive list that had appeared onscreen. “It’s not hematite, is it?”

“No,” Tara allowed herself to grin, “too dark and heavy. Plus, the heat-from-within thing.”

“Pity… I’m not much use without my magic-whiz touch, no wonder they did so beautifully without me…”

Tara had to raise her eyebrows at that. What does she mean “without”? I can still feel her power, it’s there all right. Still blinding.

“Tara,” Buffy entered the room, handing her the phone. “It’s Giles, he wants to ask you something.”

“Mr. Giles?”

“Tara, hello. Buffy told me everything, I’m deeply sorry…” he paused, leaving a respectful silence. “The woman who… your friend, she was a witch?”

“Yes, and she was pretty powerful.”

“Then there could be a chance that the Council has information about her, a… file or something. Could you tell me her full name?”

“Huma Parker. That’s H-U-M-A.”

“Right, if I find anything I’ll let you know. Oh, tell Dawn that I just received her e-mail. Maybe there’s something about this crystal too.”

“Okay, thanks Mr. Giles.”

Tara hung up. She focused her eyes on the screen for a moment, but then diverted them to look at Willow. The redhead’s eyes were on her, and suddenly she felt how close they were, and how she wanted to re-experience the shuddery feeling of touching Willow, even if it was just a lock of her hair. What is she thinking? Is she feeling this too? Tara couldn’t hold on Willow’s stare any longer: the intensity was there all right. It was almost as if she could feel the warmth of Willow’s skin all the way through Willow’s clothes, across the centimeters that separated them, and through her own clothes.

“Dawn,” Tara called, a little hastily, seeing that the girl had just entered the room. “Mr. Giles said that he got your mail. He’s going to research both Ms. Parker and the crystal; he thinks that the Council could have a file or something.”

They all nodded or muttered an agreement of some kind, and then went back to the research.

“Are we having any luck?” Buffy asked, a while later.

“A big no,” Xander slammed a book shut and grabbed another.

“Willow?”

“Do you know how many magic crystals there are?”

“No, I don’t,” Buffy replied, innocently. “The last time I looked at one I was eighteen and Giles stuck a needle in my arm. That kind of erased my will to look at more.”

“It was a rhetorical question, Buffy,” Willow rolled her eyes. “It’s going to take time.”

“And what if we don’t have a lot of time?”

“Oh yeah, that’s going to help me find the crystal much, much sooner.”

“What are you trying to say?” Buffy’s voice began to rise, but Willow just pressed her lips together and didn’t answer.

“Okay, you’ve thrown a reasonable amount of daggers at each other, I think that’s enough.” Xander stood up and waved his hands around.

“Yeah, considering that Buffy can move on to real daggers in a snap.” Anya slurred, sounding bored.

What was going on here? Tara glanced from Willow to Buffy, knowing that it had to do with what she’d noticed before: an estrangement between Willow and the rest that bordered on coldness and indifference. She had the feeling that Willow was there out of utility, not out of friendship, which Tara had always thought was the base of their “saving the world” routine; not duty, not compromise, but working together, for one another.

But Willow’s relationship with them had changed. Apparently, lots of things had changed, and she was just beginning to discover them.

[caz]

Okay - I had to go back and read the whole thing again before giving fb.

I'm puzzled by the situation between Willow and Buffy. I thought they had just drifted apart but it looks like it goes deeper than that. It will be interesting to find out what has happened.

Poor Tara - she's dropped herself right in the middle of it and has no idea what's going on. At least she still has feelings for Willow though, only good can come from that - I think!

You've dragged Giles into the 21st Century (E-Mail) - good for you.

More soon please!

Caz

[will]

I'm with caz about the situation between willow and buffy i'm wondering what happen.

I love the update, please update soon.

[AlysonGoddess]

hey awesome update!!! Im so looking foreward for more plz update soon!
erin

[viximon]

Ey Grrr in girl
How are you?
Man! What a amazing chapter. Things rule pretty deep.
Seems to me all relationships are quite messed . And it's disturbing. At the same time I have so much curiosity to know and read more about that fic, what Tara will discover about her past-present friends and stuff. What about Willow and her magicproblems etc.
And we must not forgot the black stone issue in the middle. Great!
Your doing exellent.

De verdad que estoy disfrutando a lo grande el fic, la situación es tensa y presenta mil posibilidades, me muero por leer que harás con ellas.

Update asap, I love the fic.
Take care, see you next chap

[dorksrcool]

Nice update! I am also curious about what exactly transpired between Willow and the rest of the gang. Tara's got a lot on her plate at the moment I think. I really loved this line as well,

The redhead’s eyes were on her, and suddenly she felt how close they were, and how she wanted to re-experience the shuddery feeling of touching Willow, even if it was just a lock of her hair.

That's hot! (and no, I don't mean in the Paris Hilton way)

Looking forward to how this wonderful fic unfolds. Thanks for the updates!

[WillowRulez]

Hoho, it's getting more and more exciting.
This is quickly becoming one of my (new) favorite stories on the board. Keep it up!