New Fic: True Gift

[Grimlock72]

Ok.... rather long update this one, rather involving too



It's cross and double-cross all around isn't it ? I wonder who will end up double-double-crossed, heh... So Ben got out of Glory, good for him, I had to re-read the part about who is going to be used to close the hellmouth twice. If I read it correct they want to use Tara for that, why not use Ben ? He has experience containing evil already



Why do bad guys always want to gloat about their plans ? Gloating about plans which aren't completed yet is never wise. Telling Willow she's been cheated and mentioning that she's more powerfull then she herself knows/knew ain't exactly bright either...



The last paragraph seems to indicate Willow would have to sacrafice Tara to save the world. Question is she would do that. I would sure as heck hope she wouldn't sacrafice herself and Tara to safe Dawn (not a Dawn fan here ), which leaves Xander and Buffy as worthy people on 'the world' to save... hmm....



I just don't see Willow taking such a huge risk as she did when Tara is going to be sacraficed in the process. Number 1 reason (for Willow) to do something so dangerous would be to safe Tara, not harm her.



I assume Willow has some plan to get at least Tara out of there alive. I just hope that Willow hasn't overestimated her own strength/magic. Unless you wants to cheat/con Tara out (killing a glamour/image of her perhaps). Would be neat, but I'm not too sure it would work for those truly evil people.



Enough of my rambling, I'll just patiently wait for the update.... really!



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Washi]

Just a great update. I'm otally hooked.

I can't wait for the rest!

[Patches]

MissCalendar. “Reeling” was what I was going for, I’m, um, so glad it worked for you. The one comment you made toward the end really made me think, yiikes, perhaps I’ve gone _too_ far. This is what worried me most about writing this kind of story; that I’d lose people too soon (or not get them to read at all). I’m so glad you kept reading. My characters and my readers are important to me, and I swear, I’ll take good care of both. There are ways, other than killing a beloved character, to involve a reader emotionally. If they don’t all live happily ever after, there’ll a bloody good reason(unlike *cough*ME*cough*). I just couldn’t abide Willow fumbling the Diana spell, not at such a crucial moment – it was just wrong! Also wrong (IMHO) was magic as an addiction, especially in light of the show’s metaphorical link between magic and lesbian love. I’m glad these events make more sense in the context of this story.



I have to say; your philosophical musing on the nature of “whose soul is it anyway” had my head spinning a bit – touché. The majority of this story is Tara’s POV. I could have told the story from Willow’s POV, but where’s the fun in that – you’d know everything (lol). Tara’s soul is her own, but she has chosen, in and with love to share it with Willow. Spiritually, this is the ultimate act of trust and ultimate gift; to let someone in so deep they become a part of you. This particular apocalypse is something that threatens the very heart of existence. To sacrifice one’s own soul is (relatively) easy in the face of the alternative. Yes, Tara would willingly sacrifice herself, as would any of the Scoobies (Spike too, I think) to save the world. However, these Dark Lords are Hell gods from a particularly nasty dimension. They could have taken Willow’s soul, but that wouldn’t be nearly painful enough for them; they want something that’s going to cost Willow - dearly. They want payment, not tribute.



I’m happy you liked the flashback. I think by that point everyone (including me) needed a bit of a break. Even though the scenes are quite heavy, I found myself smiling when Willow saved Tara.



I really wanted to take the readers on the journey with Tara and am really excited that it worked. After reading my first draft, DMWasked me what Tara was feeling, and that was how the opening evolved. I really saw the scene through Tara’s eyes, and I tried to paint it with her thoughts, feelings, and emotions.



Many thanks for not abandoning this fic, and for your wonderfully thoughtful comments and compliments.



DMW Yes, things worked much better here. To me, this argument makes much more sense than the one in “Tough Love.” Sets the tone a little for what’s to come, and gives us all a reason to smile (well for a while at least). Thanks for prompting me to think outside the box and spend more time exploring the characters' emotions.



Grimmy Bit lengthy, but now you see why it took so long to respond the first time. I thought about breaking this up, but there didn’t seem to be a good place to leave it – though I think, given the chance, a few people might have cattle prodded me into extending it a few more pages I don’t think Ben would be too interested in your proposition; he’s not likely to get much out of it. This is definitely _not_ Willow’s idea, but given that they can’t beat Glory the DL’s ‘offer’ would seem to be her only choice. Options: sacrifice you lover’s soul or do nothing and the whole universe implodes. Glad it’s not me having to make that choice. Sure the DL’s are gloating, they’ve won. Haven’t you noticed - no one really pays much attention to pets or servants when discussing battle plans? They think Willow belongs to them; she’s not a threat (take a look at what she’s about to do – might give them a clue that she’s not a threat). Misereous is gloating because he’s a sadistic bastard who gets off on torment and pain. I see you clicked on the notion of who is doing what to whom. Willow has a plan? What did the magician say? “Nothing up my sleeve - PRESTO!” Thanks Grimmy. I love hearing your thoughts on the story.



Washi and all Kittens, thank you so much for reading and for posting your encouraging words. It’s such a thrill to “hook” people into my imagination, dark as it can be sometimes. This is not only my first fan fic, it’s also the first time I’ve ever let anyone outside a very tight circle of friends (whom I know will love me anyway) read what I’ve written. Your kind words help placate my raging insecurities.



Thanks for reading. Chapter two should be ready early next week, and it will be shorter.



Cheers!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 3/9/03 12:32:14 pm

[Washi]

Patches first of all, I love dark stories, not too dark of course, more like a dark tunnel leading to a ray of light. Sugar coated ones aren't my style. Second, I'm so glad you're sharing this fic with us. I'm new and all, but damn! That's great writing! Third, as a writer (which means I write poems fics, short stories etc...), I know what it's like to be afraid to give people what you wrote. It's a big big step. But remember, and artist never likes what he himself created.

And finally, I'll be waiting for the update impatiently.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Patches! So glad to see this update!



Oh, goddess--such pain for our girls...Really, what stood out most for me was the mixture of horror and grief that washed throughout Tara's mind and soul as she looked upon her beloved. There was a palpable feeling of her trying to make sense of what she saw, when there really is no "sense" to be made of it. In any normal world/dimension, there would be no such action between any persons, much less b/w two people who love each other so deeply.



And interspersed throughout that--like a mantra--is Tara remembering Willow's plea for her to trust her. It's a wonderful metaphor for the scariest realms of deep love: our beloved seems to betray us, and yet our knowledge of them says they must have some reason for their actions. And when we're really lucky, we're right.



OK, now, let's talk about Ben...Actually, let's not talk about him. Let's round up the Kitten Posse and throw him into a wood chipper. (Quick aside: Have you ever seen "Fargo"? If so, you know what scene I'm talking about.) Betrayal, indeed--apparent but perhaps not real (Willow's behavior) and malignant beyond words (Ben's actions). How ironic that he studied medicine to understand and help humans, but when push came to shove, he lacked the courage to sacrifice himself in order to save this world and one girl. And here, he's narcissistic beyond words (despite his using that term to denigrate his sister). So I'll have my eyes peeled (what a grotesque term, really) in the next update for a wood chipper that just sorta pops up on the scene, although I'll settle for any large, motorized implement with sharp blades.



And now Willow stands above Tara with the knife poised for the sacrifice. I had this image of the Bible story, where Jacob was poised to sacrifice Isaac until God told him not to. Why do I suspect that no one in this particular pantheon will act as saving grace? I also have the feeling that if Willow truly has gone to the dark side, Tara would just as soon die as face a life w/o her beloved. I liked your subtle repetition of words like "sweet," because such terms capture that side of Willow that Tara first fell in love with (in my mind, anyway).



Great work, Patches! Can't wait to read more.



Mary

[elessar007]

Your detail laden descriptions were so vivid in the portrayal of the battle sequence. It really made me feel the horror of what was essentially humans butchering other humans.

When you said this fic was dark I never would have thought you meant the kind of darkness were you sell the soul of your beloved. That's one of the things that made it impossible for me to stop reading until I got to the end of the update.

I wait in anxious anticipation for your next update.



elessar

Hey, Will. This is me. It doesn't all have to be 'good' and 'fine.' This is the room where you don't have to be brave and I still love you.

---

My website: elessar's Willow & Tara Wallpaper

Name my website: Click for details

[tommo]

I'm really enjoying this story. Mainly because I've not read any truly fulfilling "dark" fic for a long while. There's a knack to writing something dark, and I think that's to offer the readers something that pulls them out of total desperation. It's a strand that you need to weave really carefully in and out of the storyline itself. I think that's what you do really well. Despite your disclaimer, there's an underlying meaning to the relationship in which Willow and Tara make promises to one another and you just know that they intend to keep them.



That's due to your really great characterisation of them. I think the most revealing scene for me was the reworking of Tough Love and that whole conversation. One of my favourite episodes; I think your take on it was just as real and true as the show was then. I loved how Willow was all fiery when Tara brought up the subject of her dark magicks; but how she crumbled when Tara was reduced to tears. That tension and love and, I suppose, passion for the well being of one another was really emphasised and you did that so wonderfully by showing us how well you know their characters.



The story itself is intriguing. I think what struck me the most is how you've placed the reader in a familiar situation, reworking around The Gift, but you've taken it one step further. You're looking at it not from a Scooby point of view, but from a Willow and Tara point of view. I'm greedy, I suppose, because I've always wanted to know more about what was happening between them at the end of Season 5, and what would have happened had Willow's powers stopped Tara being brainsucked; what would have happened had Willow been tempted just that one time too many...



As always, I'm struck by the style of your work. Your command over description and language is really impressive. The fight scene was long; and yet, the narration you employed, scattered with Shakespeare quotations and images of such carnage, really helped me to stick with it and read every single word. There was somewhat of a surreal quality to that fight, grounded as it was in the human experience (Anya recognising customers from the Magic Box and the doctor from the hospital was just an inspired touch, particularly as it was her who recognised them. If anyone ever needed further explanation of how much she's changed...) and in the notion of humans battling humans. I love that idea of the greatest enemy at the end not being demons or vampires, but being other humans, who bleed, who are crushed, who are sliced...everything. That was very visual and it really appealed to all my other senses purely on a descriptive note. And then you have some of the characters spouting Shakespeare quotes. I just loved that. It was amusing in one way, but then I realised that the people who were employing these quotations were the ones that we looked to as "leaders", in some sense. The educated, knowledgeable characters.



Giles appeared almost weary of the whole experience. His quotation was somewhat of a reminder that life is fleeting and that this is another in a long long line of battles that are so close to the edge, he doesn't even feel assured that they'll win.



Spike's quotation was victorious, even in the midst of his pain and horror at the violence he was inflicting. And yet, he was surging forwards all the time without question and, I suppose, reason. He wasn't so much wielding a weapon, but becoming the weapon. I loved that distinction.



And Doc...hmm. God I hate him. He's such a weasel. I loved the quotation you used for him; the notion of masking one's emotions or intent. The idea of hiding and becoming guile and cunning in a plan to deceive the enemy. And although he wasn't in the update a great deal, he managed to make his mark. Loved the distinction he made between fear and terror. I love that word; it even looks scary. Heh.



This is a great story. Thanks so much for posting and I do look forward to reading more.

In you the song which rights my wrongs; In you the fullness of living;
The power to begin again; From right now, in you...

[Patches]

Mary, Can we ever make sense of the impossible? I don’t know, but I think it’s important to try. I guess it’s a leap of faith; colour me having read too much (or perhaps not enough) Kierkegaard. It’s all subjective. Sometimes things just have to happen in fiction that never (or rarely) happens in RL. Trust and its shadowed twin betrayal are two sides of the same coin; which side is up depends on who’s holding the coin. I think too many writers have been influenced by Monte Python (“It’s nothing, merely a flesh wound”); even in a world of superhuman ability, in order to make it “real” the characters need to feel the pain, either physical or emotional, otherwise, how does the reader relate to them? I don’t possess any of the attributes of my characters, but I do share their humanity, I do share their emotions; they do things I can’t, but I feel things as they do. Make sense?



Yes, I’ve seen Fargo, and I think you’ll like Willow’s solution to the problem of Ben. Jacob and Isaac? Well, I guess that makes a lot of sense, though it wasn’t a conscious parallel (scary how deep theological symbolism is buried, isn’t it? lol). As always, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me (oh, btw, the God’s Severed response – ‘handling Nathan’ – EWWWWWW!! You do like to traumatize people, don’t you. )



Elessar, welcome to the dark and twisted musings of my mind! Popcorn will be served between updates (if anyone has an appetite left after that battle – I know I sure didn’t! ) There are different kinds of horror. While the battle was horrific and in some instances quite gruesome, the ‘human’ face draws the reader into the characters’ world, and hits on a visceral level. But it’s not violence for the sake of violence. I wanted every stroke of every sword to mean something. Would anyone have cared as much if the Scoobies were chopping up demons? I wanted to find a new twist on the idea of selling ones soul, and play around with the idea of trust and betrayal. Did Willow and Tara really mean “always.” What a way to find out, eh.



Tommo Wow, thanks! I love the idea of being able to address issues which are important to me, and I think to the Kittens here. I’ve talked about the battle quite a bit, but it’s such an important part of the story as it lays the foundation for what is to come. DMW helped me through four separate drafts, each one progressively longer, before that scene emerged. Every time I looked for something to remove, more was added. There was more still in my head I couldn’t bring myself to put down. I am, believe it or not, a gentle soul. (Honest - for a time there, I was probably more disturbed with what I was writing than the readers were reading it.) However, I had to capture the essence of utter despair and hopelessness, otherwise I don’t think you’d believe on an emotional level that Willow would ever entertain the thought of sacrificing Tara, let alone follow through to the point we find them. I’m relieved beyond words that it worked.



And the Bard, isn’t he just a wonderful source for powerful imagery. He makes for great foreshadowing. I flirted briefly with borrowing from Shakespeare in the Tough Lovesque fight, but it didn’t feel quite right, certainly not the way the Scottish Play and Henry V lent themselves so well in the early going.



I’m really glad you like what you’ve read so far, and from reading your other posts on the board, you should be even happier ‘cause we’re going to take a turn to NC17 in a while. And lady, you think I’m good at writing descriptive battle scenes, just wait till Sappho gets into my head!





Washi Thank you for that boost, oh and welcome to the board. It’s truly a wonderful space.



I’ve just received my first beta for Chapter 2: Trust, so I should have something ready for you in the next day or so.



Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all! I am not worthy!



Cheers Kittens!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[Patches]

Title: True Gift – Chapter 2 Trust – Part 1.

Author: Patches

Rating: R – NC 17 (VIOLENCE with good stuff later - will update when necessary.)

Spoilers: Up to Season 5 – “The Gift,” with many alterations and crossovers in the story line from “Tough Love” and “The Gift.”

Feedback: Yes Please! I love feedback.

Disclaimer: see first post – I don’t own anything associated with BtVS – I just want to see their characters get taken care of properly. And I’m not nearly as cleaver as Mary, so I won’t even try to be witty.

Acknowledgements: DMW You always want to “see more,” for which I’m eternally grateful.



WARNING: This story is dark, but I love Willow and Tara and I love you gentle Kittens (and I really, really , really want you to keep reading my stuff), so I promise I’ll take good care.

Summary: First of a four-part chapter. Is this a dagger I see before me.



~~~







Ben’s words were a cacophony in Tara’s head. ”It wasn’t that hard.” Willow was right, and to her horror, so was Ben. The fears of the dark powers weren’t Willows; they were her fears, and she had made them Willow’s. Tara realized in a moment of absolute anguish, that as much as she feared and railed against the path of darkness, she herself had given Willow the final push that sent her, sent them, down this road. She hadn’t lied when she said that trusted Willow; she just hadn’t trusted enough. What if she had? Would they be here?



She couldn’t see Misereous’ hell creatures, but she knew they were there, waiting to devour her empty shell. The acrid smell of death and decay lingered in the air. She trembled, unable to fathom the depth of the darkness invading her soul.



Tara choked on the torrent of emotion welling up from within her heart, threatening to tear it to pieces before Misereous’ dark blade could pierce her skin. She felt the tears pour down her face, hit the stone beneath her head and then splash against her neck, like large raindrops from a warm spring rain. The sensation was incongruous with the bitter bile rising in her throat. She lay there for a heartbeat cloaked in anguish. She hadn’t believed in Willow. If she had, oh god, if she only had.



“Witch, the cycle is complete.” The Dark Lord’s Misereous’ voice filled the chamber. “By your word, and with your betrayal, you shall close this dimensional portal. Ever shall the reign of darkness and hell’s legions be banished from this plane. It is our way, it is your way, witch; it is the only way. There is no other.”



Tara’s mind reached the edge of oblivion, and then took a step sideways. There were too many conflicting emotions, all vying to rob her of her sanity. She pulled at the crimson chains holding her down, as if in the act of struggle she would calm her mind and dull a pain that ran deeper than flesh. Her thoughts turned to Willow; first, last, and always, Willow. Her sweet Willow, alone in the darkness.



”Tara, trust me. Love me. There’s no other way.



NO! Tara’s mind screamed out. You’re not alone in the darkness, Willow. I’m with you. Here love, take my hand, take my heart and we’ll walk the road together. Her fears had trapped and limited her. What she hadn’t given Willow before she gave her now.



She stripped it all away, shedding the possible and the impossible to find the improbable truth. When she cut to the heart of it, she was left with one single thought. Refusing to believe her senses she looked out with her heart, battling to hold her focus. ”Trust me, Tara. Love me. It is the only way.”



Tara forced her will upon the mystical chains binding her, pushing back the darkness, which hovered at the edges of her eternity. Everything she had felt in these last few minutes, the unrelenting terror, the hopelessness, and the fear - the very things these Hellgods fed upon, Tara banished from her mind. Tears continued to flow, now burning into the altar beneath her. They were tears of abiding love.



Tara wrenched her head to the side so she could look into the face of darkness. Defiant, she cried out, “No magics exist in all the dimensions of hell, earth, or in all the heavens that can hold my spirit. You will take our bodies, but you will not take our souls. I will not betray you Willow, not again.”



The dank walls of the factory oozed and pulsated. They stood in the Well between the dimension where time and space met, shifted, and created new realities, where one world bled into another with horrendous consequence, where the Hellmouth stood, it’s yawing fissure agape, ready to spew forth the demons from beneath and consume the worlds above.



Willow stood above her. The knife edge glinted in the refracted light of hell and splayed damask fragments of mutated colour over Tara’s body.



I deny what my eyes see.



“Complete the ritual. Willow, do it now.” Ben hissed his command. “The blood of the bitch will seal our fates. It’s the only way.”



I deny what my ears hear.



Willow laid her left hand on Tara’s breast, over her heart. The thick cloak covered her hand. Tara felt Willow’s hand jerk slightly as if bitten by some unseen creature. Willow looked away, and then removed her hand.



I deny what my flesh feels.



Willow raised the blade, held tightly with both her hands, high over Tara’s head.



Tara lay frozen on the stone, and closed her eyes.



I embrace my Heart. I embrace the Truth. Willow.



She shifted and looked into Willow’s eyes, into her soul, she reached beyond the darkness. Oh goddess, Willow. How?



The knife descended and Willow cried, UNBOUND!



Tara’s chains fell away from her body.



The final remnants of the dark cold gripping her soul vanished, and her heart filled and overflowed with the warmth of love.



Willow moved with the lightning speed of a god and shoved Tara bodily from the altar stone. Instead of the blade continuing its deathly descent, Misereous’ knife dropped and clattered harmlessly against the obsidian stone altar.



The force of Willow’s push rolled Tara’s body and she landed hard on the cold concrete floor of the factory. Her broken hand absorbed the impact of her fall. Pain shot through her body, announcing the fact that she was alive to her stunned senses.



From the ground beside the stone, Tara heard Willow scream, “There’s always another way!”



For the second time in as many days, Willow shouted, “Tara, RUN!”



Tara heard Willow’s words but stayed, transfixed by what was unfolding. Tara looked up and saw Willow shed her dark cloak and rip the sleeve of her shirt open. From its hiding place beside the Dagon Sphere, Willow removed her souvenir. The silver bladed knife appeared in her hand.



As she chanted,

With lies the darkness tells,

Beasts and Fury from darkest hells;

I command you. Do my will.

Take these souls. Drink your fill.

Touch not the one of light,

With my blood, I buy her flight.

Willow violently slashed her hand from the tip of her index finger down across her palm and wrist, the blade biting deep. Her blood flowed easily and swiftly. She clenched her fist, then opened her palm, and smeared her bloody hand upon the altar stone where Tara’s tears had marked it.



Tara cringed as if the knife had sliced her own flesh and it was her blood staining the altar.



From the corner of her eye, Tara caught Ben slipping away to the far side of the chamber. Arms crossed, a knowing, self-satisfied, smile appeared on his face. She looked at him, incredulously. But Tara had no time to consider Ben’s game.



Shrill cries of darkness rose from the altar, making Tara’s skin crawl as she slowly stood up. There was no time for words. Driving the last vestiges of hesitation from her mind, Tara focused her energy. Ignoring her pain, she sought to ground Willow, preparing to fight the very legions of Hell to protect her lover.



Willow reached around the altar and grasped Tara’s arms. Tara felt the warmth of Willow’s blood as it soaked through her shirt and trickled down her arm. Blood was life, and Willow’s blood flowing freely upon her arm signified that they were both alive. Tara’s blue eyes gazed into Willow’s; she saw beyond the darkness, and Willow’s lips curled into an enchanting smile.



Tara’s legs were weak, she though she would collapse from the sheer weight of relief flooding her body.



“Willow,” said Tara weakly, “I came so close to losing you, to losing us in the darkness.” With the heartfelt pain of a passionate Lacrimosa, fresh tears flowed from Tara’s eyes as emotion threatened to overwhelmed her. Finding her voice in the strength of her heart, Tara said through her tears, “I love you sweetness, forever and always.”



“Tara, I never doubted you,” said Willow.



Tara felt the pain in her heart as she though, No Willow, you never doubted me, but I doubted you. She pushed those thoughts aside and locked them away. Now was not the time for recrimination.



Tara saw the Dark Lord Misereous shift it’s jellylike form.



“What is this treachery?” bellowed Misereous, surging forward with its tentacles to reclaim its power from Willow.



“Willow, look out!” Tara cried.



Willow released Tara. Before the slimy tentacles could reach her, Willow removed a small vermilion book from under her shirt, and with her bloody hand smashed it down on top of Misereous’ blade on the altar. Willow screamed in pain and stabbed the silver knife down on the altar, slicing through the heart of the book and shattering Misereous’ ritual knife. She buried the sliver blade to its hilt in the black stone, releasing her spell.



The stone keened and exploded into thousands of shards, which hovered, seemingly weightless, in the air. The eerie light from the walls of the Well of Darkness mirrored off the small pieces of glass, like thousands of tiny stars twinkling in the sky on a cloudless night.



Apparitions, released from their prison, flew forth and attacked Misereous and his hell creature minions as the black stone crumbled. The Soul Wraiths moved so quickly that Tara could not tell where they were; she could only see transparent, ghost-like traces of where they’d been.



Tara shivered. It was her the Soul Wraiths were to have fed upon.



Willow stood beside Tara. Her eyes narrowed, her jaw set and she looked menacingly at Misereous, who recoiled from the Soul Wraiths pecking incessantly at its grotesque body, tearing its immortal soul apart, one piece at a time.



“It’s called betrayal!” retorted Willow.



Misereous’ hell creatures slithered toward them, seeking to intervene for their master. Willow turned her head toward the advancing menace and said, REPEL. The creatures flew several feet in the air and Willow added as an afterthought, STAY. The creatures, still airborne, froze in place, holding their contorted shapes.



Cradling her damaged hand next to her body, Willow turned to Tara, reached out with her good hand and entwined her fingers with Tara’s. “Tara, baby go. Heal Dawn. Close the portal. The dark ones can’t harm me here. Not now,” Willow added meaningfully.



Tara did not reply, instead she laid her hand gently over Willow’s, calling upon the power of the earth to speed the healing of Willow’s damaged flesh. She felt the light tingle as the healing powers flowed through her and repaired the damage done by the sharp knife. Tara searched out Willow’s eyes once more with her own.



“Tara, baby, please, you will find me.” Willow said answering the unasked question in Tara’s eyes. “You will always find me. Tara, run and don’t look back.” Willow leaned in and kissed Tara gently on the lips. “I love you, Tara. Go. Go now. Trust me.”



“With my life, with my love, and with my soul. We are as one,” said Tara as she reluctantly released Willow’s hand.



Willow’s eyes shimmered, flashed red then went black, black as the darkest night. She waved her hand and the encircling wall of the Well of Darkness parted at her unspoken command.



To the Dark Lord, Willow cried out , “I – owe – you – Pain.”



As Tara turned away, she saw the glass fragments from the shattered altar fly toward Misereous, and she heard ungodly screams of agony from the acolytes of the Dark Ones as the spectres separated souls from body and drank their fill.



Tara pushed the images from her mind and ran.





To be continued.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 3/12/03 8:20:57 pm

[Washi]

I knew Willow wasn't gonna do the ritual! I knew it!

Patches I loved this chapter! As I said, a tunnel of darkness which leads to light is good! I was gonna give u a standing ovation, but you can't see me, and there isn't a worshipping emoticon, so I guess I'll have to settle for this:

I'll be waiting impatiently for the next update.

[daydreamer]

Wow!!! What an update. What Washi said. I knew too Willow wouldn't do the ritual. I don't know how Willow and Tara, and the rest of Scoobies would be able to get out of this but I'm looking forward to a wonderful ride, even with all the cliffhangers. Can't wait for the next update.

[justin]

It's good the way that Willow managed to turn the tables on the bad guys, though I get the feeling that Ben may have been hoping that Willow would do this



I just hope that Willow gets out okay.



Though to reiterate what other people have said darkness is good as long it's things are darkest before the dawn type darkness.



I notice that at the start of the last update you mention people hunting you down. The only reason why I think anyone would do that is to tell you what a good fic it is.



So there's no need for you to do a Patrick McGoohan and go into hiding.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[WillowPowered]

Oh this fic is brilliant.



When's the next bit coming??



Jill

~~~~~~~~

Willow - Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did ya?

Willow - I'm a blood sucking fiend, look at my outfit . . . .

[AntigoneUnbound]

OK, girlfriend--I'm a sucker for action that's driven by emotion; hence my profound enjoyment of this story.



The wonderful thing is that you had crafted such a complex set-up of drives, beliefs, and betrayals that I wasn't really all that sure that Willow wasn't going to stab Tara. Obviously, I knew that if she did, you wouldn't end the story there, saying, "Yep, she did it. Doesn't that just suck?" But still, it's a testimony to the complexity of all the various forces that the reader can well imagine that anything might happen.



I'm gonna go out on a limb here and speculate that trust will be a major theme in this story. (Yeah, I know--I'm crazy that way.) The thing that I find intriguing is, what do we do when our inner voice (crafted over years of experiences both good and bad) seems at odds with the newer but profound voice that tells us to trust our mate? When we trust someone and it goes well, we say that our instincts guided us. When we trust someone and they run off to Cancun with their trainer and our VISA card, we say that we were suckers, that we were played. As I think about it, I find myself wondering if perhaps it comes down to deciding which mistake we're more willing to live with. In this story, Tara decides (albeit at a frighteningly late moment) that trusting Willow really does outweigh the catastrophic result of not trusting her. Fantastic stuff, really.



And now Tara has to trust Willow again and do what everything in her body and soul must be screaming out for her not to do: leave Willow to fight in that realm alone. What would it be like to literally run away from your beloved, trusting her integrity and her morality but still knowing that she was not impervious to hurt, not immortal? And yet Tara needs to do her part in the battle. I remember Buffy's line from "The Gift": "This is the work that I have to do." Willow and Tara now have to do their own work, and it demands that they be separated for now. God, my heart's aching just thinking about such a moment...(That's why I'm a therapist, and not a super-hero...among other, less abstract reasons.)



I'm so glad you decided to do this, Patches. I'm really enjoying this story!



Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 3/13/03 7:40:25 pm

[Patches]

Washi & Daydreamer – hey, thanks!! Well, you can’t see me either, but trust that I have a big smile on my face. Willow had to have something tucked away, so to speak. But I’m glad I had you sitting on the edge of your seat. Though, don’t worry, it’s not all sunshine and roses from here on in. Cliff hangers are really kind of fun – both to read and to write. I’ll write as quickly as I can, promise.



Justin I’m glad you liked the turnabout. Willow still has a few tricks up her sleeve. Ben’s a sly one, that’s for sure. He did seem a little too comfortable with what Willow was doing, didn’t he. But don’t fret; Willow has a surprise or two in store for our good (or, I should say not-so-good) Doctor. Darkest before the dawn – is that how it goes. Oh oh, I thought the saying was darkest before it really gets dark – nyark, nyark just kidding – well, maybe. Thanks for your kind thoughts.



Jill Gee, you kittens make me The next update should be in about mid-week next week. I find that after writing one section, I need a day or two to settle my thoughts (and sleep, as I’m usually up all night writing).



Mary I so love to hear your thoughts (okay read, but I hear your voice in my head and frequently wonder if it’s you talking or if I’ve gone completely mad – feel free not to answer that). I knew Willow was never going to betray Tara, so the trick was to not let you in on the secret too soon, but to leave enough hints, which in retrospect, will allow you to see Willow’s plan. Some of the hints are very subtle, but they’re there. The gun’s over the fireplace, so to speak.



You could go out on a limb, but coming on a limb – oh never mind the rest of that thought. But yes, you picked up on my (oh so *not* subtle) main theme: trust. Our heroes do some impressive things, but they’re still human. I don’t think anyone would blame Tara for her momentary loss of faith. I don’t know if the story would be as emotionally compelling if she accepted her fate willingly or if she trusted blindly. That Tara is able to come to this realisation at all is almost superhuman. This scene was initially Willow’s, but there was Tara saying to me, ‘hey Patti, why don’t you let the readers see this through my eyes.’ It seems to have worked wonderfully.



As you have guessed, the emotional ride isn’t over; in fact it’s really just beginning. I had initially written a short dialogue where Tara refuses to leave, and Willow tells her she has to, to save Dawn (oh ya, and the world) but decided instead to try to convey those feelings non-verbally. It’s a terrible moment for Tara, and there is something to fear of the darkness in Willow, but Tara’s a healer and she has to be somewhere else.



Many, many thanks for reading. Your insight is keen, and your words are always very thoughtful and greatly appreciated, you are a gentle heart.



Cheers Kittens!! You're all so wonderfully kind

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[Grimlock72]

It bothered me a how easily Tara seemed to blame herself for Willow's turn to dark magics and their current troubles. She should give herself a bit more credit than that, they could have practiced/studied together more. Tara is a bit too much afraid of dark magics, Willow maybe isn't enough afraid. Should make for a good balance eventually



I didn't expect Willow to actually hurt Tara, it just didn't make sense overall. Why go through all that trouble if she has to hurt Tara in the process either way ? Still it was nice to see Tara come closer to Willow and better understanding her. I thought it awfull strange how the Dark Lord said Willow should perform her 'betrayal', didn't make much sense. He got his betrayal though



Of course, when a dark person/creature insists it's the "only way"... there's bound to be another one, heh.



As much as Tara probably wants to stay with Willow it's better she's not around during the fighting there. Would distract Willow and Tara wouldn't exactly like what she would see either. I do wonder how long it will take for Willow to recover from being dark/using so much dark magics.



I noticed that Willow came prepared, how much of all this did she plan as a contingency ??



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[miss calendar]

Hi Patches,



Sorry to be so late with feedback but I loved the latest update – very dramatic, very powerful, very horrific and very moving.



Well done Willow for betraying Misereous and not Tara! Of course I knew that was going to happen..…Actually I didn’t, like Mary I couldn’t be sure and you had me going for a while thinking that Willow might actually complete the ritual.



I do think that Tara was being a bit hard on herself for doubting Willow. Under the circumstances it was pretty amazing that she managed to keep hold of Willow’s earlier words and surrender her doubts so completely. And while Tara may have been projecting her fear of the dark powers, if Willow had not had fears of her own she would not have been affected by what Tara said. I loved Tara’s defiant statement that, ‘No magics exist in all the dimensions, of hell, or in all the heavens that can hold my spirit. You will take our bodies, but you will not take our souls.’



I also liked how once Tara regained her faith Willow did not let her down and managed another last minute rescue. Using the same words ‘Tara run’ was a nice way of bringing the earlier incident with Glory back to mind. However it looks like soon the roles will be reversed since poor Tara is now leaving Willow in Hell. I have to say, your Willow has been impressing the hell out of me, not least by her insistence that Tara goes back without her to heal Dawn and close the portal. You’ve put Willow and Tara in an extreme situation that really tests their belief in the bond between them. I love that when it comes to the crunch neither doubts the truth that they will always find each other.



Okay, stopping soon, just wanted to mention a few things I’ve been enjoying about your writing style. I find your writing very visual and very visceral - your descriptive writing is great. ( though at times I wish it wasn’t quite so powerful - like when reading the gruesome battle scenes and about the thoroughly creepy soul wraiths). I like the sound of your prose, there’s a rhythm and weight to some of your phrases that is very satisfying. I also like how you sometimes use repetition to build up tension or emotion in a scene. (e.g. Tara remembering Willow’s plea to trust her or that recent passage interspersed with Tara’s thoughts, I deny what my eyes see. I deny what my ears hear. I deny what my flesh feels.)



Anyway, thanks for another great read, I’m looking forward to the next update.(hint, hint..)

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' What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday,
and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow :
our life is the creation of our mind. ' from The Dhammapada

[FIRESIGN]

GREAT fic! Please keep the updates coming!!!! Your detail is outstanding!



CZ

[darkmagicwillow]

I was beta'ing the fic, but it's been a while since I've heard from Patches and all the parts I've seen have been posted. I'd love to see this story continued too.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."