Hi kittens - Well, I'm early with the update, but that's all good, I think.
Rating: PG with a code 6 or so angst level, the angstiest so far.
******
Tara closed the door and leaned back against it momentarily with her eyes closed. Her room still thrummed with amplified noise. For just a heartbeat she considered reinitializing the spell, but that would merely prolong her physical discomfort.
She wondered if maybe she should have gone with Buffy and Willow. Dinner had proven surprisingly entertaining, in spite of her anxiety over Buffy’s possible reactions when – or maybe now if – Willow told her about their relationship.
But she needed distance from Willow right now. Her lover’s attitude toward Anya only increased her fears about the future.
She re-opened her eyes with a sigh and stepped away from the doorway, letting her purse slide off her shoulder and onto the floor.
A few quick steps took her to her nightstand, where her fingers found a small string of coral beads. She counted the beads – 37 in all – even though she knew their number. After all, it had been her fingers that had broken the string of her mama’s necklace, that had carefully selected first 18 beads – for Willow – and 19 beads – for herself – and strung them anew.
Her feet carried her automatically to her mother’s old chair. She sank into its familiar contours, her knees pulled up to her chest. Touching the 19 beads with her index finger, Tara was scarcely aware of the tears that silently slid down her cheeks. One more year.
Oh, Mama, why is everything so hard? *****
Willow swallowed what had to be her tenth yawn. When she’d taken her seat almost 40 minutes past, she’d stretched her legs out as far as the seat back in front of her would allow. Poli Sci, at 9 am, droning lecturer – half-reclining in her seat was probably not the wisest decision she’d ever made. But, hey, tired here.
Tired, but in a mostly good way, she mused, smiling to herself. She’d been doing that a lot lately, so much so that her jaw muscles ached. She’d gone to sleep with a smile on her lips and when she’d awakened, it was still there.
And it was all on account of Tara.
She felt the smile stretch into a wide grin, felt the muscles twinge, and lifted a hand to rub her jaw. Happy, happy, but ow.
She stopped smiling. That wasn’t the only thing she’d been doing with her mouth. Smiles had actually been pretty low on the list of things she’d been doing. Brow furrowed with worry, she moved her hand over her lips, stuck out her tongue, and licked her palm experimentally. No pain. That was a good thing. Her lips curved up happily again. Ow.
Suddenly Willow was aware of movement all around her as students collected their various bits. Glancing at the board, she hurriedly jotted down the next assignment in her notebook and collected her backpack for the mad dash to her next class, Medieval History. As a result she was almost the last person leaving the lecture hall.
“Willow.”
“Tara!” She felt the smile grow in all her face muscles and ignored the pain. Then concern hit and her grin vanished. “Is everything okay?” She searched the face of the beautiful woman standing before her.
“F-Fine. I just w-wanted to say ‘Good morning’.” Tara ducked her head and then lifted it, a small smile playing on her lips.
Willow smiled in relief. “So are you going to say it?”
“Yes, but properly,” Tara replied. She reached out and snagged her arm to pull her to one side of the now nearly empty hallway. One eyebrow lifted as if to ask, ‘Are you okay with this?’ She apparently accepted Willow’s leaning toward her with her lips parted as a yes.
Willow found herself being gently pulled closer to the blonde and closed her eyes in anticipation. She felt Tara’s warm breath a heartbeat before her mouth was covered by the lover’s lips.
A gentle kiss, full of promises.
“Good morning, Willow,” Tara whispered, kissing her again and then stepping back.
Willow reached out and tucked an errant strand of blonde hair behind her lover’s ear. “Good morning, Tara.” She stepped close and was shocked when Tara backed away. “Tara …?”
“Class, sweetie. We’re going to be late as it is.” A mischievous smile curved the full lips.
“You are such a tease!”
“I never said I wasn’t,” Tara smirked.
“Yes, you did,” Willow accused.
“No, sweetie. I said I might or might not be teasing then, not that I didn’t ever tease. And I seem to recall that you enjoyed it quite a bit. As did I.” Tara slowly ran her tongue over her lips.
“Vixen.” Willow tried again to snag the blonde’s arm, but Tara ducked away from her.
“Class,” her lover insisted. “Walk with me part way?” She held out her hand.
Willow looked at Tara’s offering. That was sooo not the part of her lover that she wanted to touch! She caught up the strong hand and felt the fingers interlock with her own. Together, their shoulders touching, they strolled the length of the hallway and pushed through the doors.
“Your class is all the way across campus, isn’t it?” Willow asked as she released Tara’s hand.
“Uh-huh, but it’s a big one, so I can slip in without the professor noticing.” She smiled reassuringly and Willow felt her lips curve in answer.
“I should go, mine is sort of small.” Willow checked her watch. “If I run I can make it only a few minutes late.” She tightened down the straps of her pack.
“Bye, sweetie.”
“See you, Tare-bear.”
******
Tara watched her lover dash across the lawn and around the corner of the nearest building before heading for her own class.
Class, a two-hour biology lab, then the rest of the afternoon and evening free.
As she hurried down the walk, her fingers found the string of beads in her jacket pocket. This time she didn’t count them. When she was only five, her mama had taught her that there was always a choice. That one could live in the light or in the darkness. Waking stiff and sore from falling asleep in the chair, the beads clutched in her hands, she’d remembered that – and other things too. That even a little joy was worth a great deal of pain.
The walkway wound among buildings and trees, through sunlight and shade. She pulled her hand from her pocket, content with the choices she’d made.
*****
Comfortably warm – unless you happened to be Californian by birth and therefore thin-blooded – it was just too pleasant a day to spend inside studying. Returning home to Wisconsin for Christmas had been quite an adjustment. Jo wriggled into a more comfortable position on the dorm steps and gloated. Not for her the temperatures in the subzeros, or the blizzards, or the howling wind. No, she was quite happy to bask in the warm Californian sun.
She re-arranged the book on her lap, conscious that she should at least look like she was studying. But again, this was California, and people-watching was just too much fun. And when one of her new favorite people to watch was scurrying up the walk, well, who the hell wanted to study?
She couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the approaching redhead. She snickered and looked at her own bare legs and arms. Tara’s girlfriend was so obviously a native Californian with her jacket, long scarf, turtleneck and jeans. Her grin grew at the expression on the redhead’s face when she saw and recognized her. Jo saw the minute hesitation in Willow’s stride and suppressed a chuckle. She felt delightfully evil. Well, okay, not evil – just a bit mischievous.
“Hi, Willow.” Two words and Jo saw Willow’s wariness multiply tenfold.
“Hey, uh, Jo, right?”
“Uh-huh. From next door.” She was unable to resist.
“I got that,” the redhead said shortly, with a somewhat abrupt nod.
Jo smiled up at her unperturbed. If one was going to tease, one had to accept the thorns along with the blooms.
“She’s not in.”
“I know.” The redhead’s lips thinned at her intrusion.
Jo smiled to herself. Definitely thorny. She watched a moment while the redhead juggled what she was carrying in order to free a hand to get the door. “Hey, wait a moment, let me help.” She rose and stepped forward to open the door for the over-burdened woman.
“Thanks.” Willow took a step back and let her hold the door. “Aren’t you cold?”
“Nope, I’m from Wisconsin. California winters are absolutely delightful.” Jo bowed, gesturing with her free hand for the redhead to enter and was rewarded by a quick smile.
“Wisconsin, huh? Colder than here, I guess?” Willow queried as she started to edge past.
“Uh-huh. Much.”
“Um, Jo …”
“Yes?” Hand still holding the door, Jo looked into two totally arresting green eyes.
“Um … I … we’re sorry about the noise. It won’t happen again.” Fair-skinned, Willow blushed easily and obviously.
“No problem. I seriously didn’t mind.” Jo said with a smile.
“You didn’t?” The redhead hesitated halfway through the door.
“Uh-uh. Not that I’m a perv or anything, but what the two of you have sounded really good.”
Willow’s blush darkened, but all she said was “Oh.” She started down the hall and Jo trailed after her.
“Very good.” She verbally nudged the redhead and was rewarded by a sharp look. Prickly girl was back. “I meant that as a compliment.” Which was partially true, even, Jo mused.
“Oh.” Willow’s glance at her was totally disbelieving.
They were halfway down the hall now. “Really, I did. I mean, I think I’m sort of jealous. And I know Steve is. He told Tara he wanted to compare notes.”
The redhead stopped dead and faced her – furious. “How dare …”
“Willow, hey, he was joking.” Alarmed, Jo touched Willow’s arm briefly. “I’m joking. too. Badly, I might add. Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly. “It’s just that Tara’s so quiet. It was several weeks before she’d do more than smile at me and longer than that before she would greet any of the guys. I guess we’re just all happy she met you.”
Willow took several very deep breaths in an obvious attempt at composure. “Yeah, well, go ahead and be happy, but you guys should realize that quiet and overly sensitive kind of go together and you should be more careful what you say around her ‘cause it could hurt even if you don’t mean it to and she’d get upset and then I’d be upset and I don’t think that you’d like that … particularly.”
Jo listened in utter amazement as the redhead got all that out without even a pause until the very end. Well, now she knew how Tara’s lover had developed her lung power. She shook herself into motion, aware all of a sudden that she was standing in the hall alone.
She caught up with Willow at Tara’s door. “So, those are presents for her?”
“God, you don’t give up, do you?”
“’Cause if they are, then you’re welcome to come into my room to wrap them. That is, if they’re not already wrapped.” Jo extended the best apology she had for her nosiness.
Willow hesitated. “I was just going to sit here on the floor and get them ready.”
“Nah, come on in. I’ve got a desk and everything. Much better than the floor,” she offered.
The redhead smiled at her, her eyes narrowing slightly. “And that way you can see what I bought her, too, right?”
“Ummm …”
“Thought so. Okay, I’ll satisfy your curiosity, in comfort even. But be forewarned, there’s nothing kinky in here.” Willow rattled the bags. “So prepare to be disappointed.”
Jo slipped her key in the lock and held open the door for the mercurial redhead with a grin. “Oh, I doubt that I will. I think I can count on you to keep me entertained.”
*****
Lips quirked in a smile, Tara took in the sight outside her room. From the small pile of wrapped gifts and an impressive stack of envelopes, it seemed that Willow had visited while she was in bio lab. That alone would have made her smile, but seeing her next door neighbor dozing in her doorway – that was priceless.
For a moment she considered simply slipping in her room and pulling her treasure in after her, but courtesy overcame curiosity.
“Hey, Jo.” She said the other woman’s name softly and watched her drop the book from her lap as she startled awake.
“Huh?” The dark-haired woman looked confusedly around for a moment, then focused. “Oh, hi, Tara. I must have dozed off.”
“I g-guess,” Tara acknowledged with a broader smile.
“Well, um, you’re here now.” The taller woman clambered to her feet. “So I can head back outside.”
“Y-You were w-waiting for me?” Tara asked.
“Uh-huh. Guarding your loot.” Jo shrugged. “I mean, I think most of us here are honest and all, but I just wanted to make sure that you got all of your presents.” She grinned a smile that made her eyes dance. “Besides, standing, um, sitting guard was the least I could do after the hard time I gave your honey.”
“You were talking to Willow? A-And made her angry?” Tara frowned, feeling a little perturbed.
“Yes – and a little bit.” Jo shrugged again. “Sorry. I can’t help myself it seems. The two of you are just so cute.”
Tara silently reached over the presents and inserted her key. “Perturbed” was becoming “angry”. Pushing open her door, she turned and looked at her next door neighbor very seriously. “W-We may be c-cute, but be c-careful when you t-tease Willow. She … she’s very s-sensitive and I d-don’t want h-her h-hurt.”
Jo shook her head and grinned back at her. “Y’know, she said almost the exact same thing to me. I think it must be true love. And that’s great.”
Tara leaned a shoulder against the door facing, watching the other woman walk away as she considered what she’d said. After several moments she looked down at her “loot” and smiled. She stooped and picked up the envelopes and the two smaller gifts, tucking them in her shoulder bag so she could carry the large present. She shoved the door closed with her hip and set the gift on the bed, then retrieved the smaller items from her bag.
For a moment she considered the array of presents and envelopes laid out across her bed. It seemed an eternity since she’d been given anything. Not since her mother had died.
She sat down cross-legged among her “loot”. Hesitantly, she touched the moon-and-stars wrapping paper, then, as if they were frightened, her fingers traveled to the pile of envelopes. There were four plain envelopes, each numbered, without regard to size or color. A fifth stood out from the rest. A parchment-y oblong, it was labeled in gold ink “open last”.
Closer examination of the envelopes revealed that the last numbered one also had a message, “Okay, open this, then the presents”.
She smiled and began opening the numbered envelopes. Each contained a card: a silly card with sheep, two ridiculous cards with photos of old women, and one sexy card with a picture of a woman in leather. All said either “I Miss You” or “I’m Thinking of You.”
Tara read the instructions inside the sexy one and selected the smallest of the presents. The paper was so lovely that she hated tearing it. She loosened the tape and peeled the edges open to reveal a small box with mother-of-pearl inlay. She opened the lid and found a small piece of parchment inscribed “To honor the first time I gave you my trust.”
She set the box down and picked up the next, the mid-sized one. Again, she un-wrapped it, keeping the paper intact and inside a cardboard box she found a small basket. Plain, almost rustic in style, it too contained a parchment. “To honor the second time I gave you my trust.”
Setting the basket beside the box, her fingers sought the edges of the paper on the final present and she un-wrapped it slowly. Finally she pulled the candle holder from its box and packing material. Pewter and glass, it even had a mirrored reflector. She lifted the glass chimney and retrieved the parchment, already suspecting what it said, and smiled as she read “To honor the third time I gave you my trust.”
Tara rose and set the holder on her nightstand. A quick search soon turned up a suitable candle. Lit, with the chimney re-secured, the small candle gave off enough light to read comfortably. She collected the box and basket and set them beside it.
She returned to her seat on the bed and counted the cards again. Four cards: one for each hour since they’d kissed “good morning”. She wondered if that was merely coincidence. She picked up the parchment envelope and broke the wax seal. There was just one narrow sheet within covered with Willow’s cramped writing.
Tara,
When we met, I was looking for magic, looking for power.
And I found you.
I was nervous, uncertain, needing to take things slow.
And you gave me time.
I was selfish and caused you pain.
And still you trusted me with part of your life.
I was possessive and overly protective.
And you gave me everything.
I gave you my trust.
And you gave it back to me well-loved.
Now I’m asking that you do it all again.
And that you trust me.
Please – trust me.Tara finished reading and stroked the parchment with her fingers. Smiling softly, she folded it and placed it in the small box. Her fingers retrieved the string of beads and deposited those in the basket. She carefully lifted the chimney and blew out the dancing flame.
In the dim solitude of her room she spoke just five words.
“I can wait, my love.”
by tommo » Wed Aug 07, 2002 5:55 pm 
I'm getting very naughty images here, Mel. 
Poor Tara. 
Heh... I love that Tara got "images". 
But poor Tara, I can't imagine how she's going to be feeling after all that talk about demons. 
Hee... she was singing and there was this little bat that kept flying around her on the stage. She's like, "That's a bat, oh my." 
Had me laughing. But, to answer your question. It was awesome, very emotional for me. I just love that woman!