Hi Kittens:
Okay, here it is. Update and beginning of a new chapter.
Season 4 - Thursday, the week between "Who Are You?" and "Superstar"
Rating - PG-13 or R in the beginning and heading to PG.
Emergency thudding protection unnecessary.
Computer advisory - please keep food and drink away from monitor and keyboard.
Have fun....
*****
Chapter 5a: In the Silence of Your Deep
“But …..”
Tara checked her clock – plenty of time – and smiling, she shook her head. “I know that you want to just come back here. So do I, but we really should, ummm, well, stand up and walk around. Look at the trees and the sky.” She knelt in front of Willow, who was sitting on the edge of the bed still mostly undressed, and caught up one of her hands. “I want to come back here, too. Make love all afternoon again.”
Their free hands reached out for one another’s faces simultaneously and they both giggled.
“It’s just that I don’t know when we’ll be able to do … things … together again, and, and to just decide not to ….” Willow’s brow furrowed. “It’s just that it’s all new and everything’s a discovery, and well, I want to discover all of you.” Willow’s hand dropped from her face and cupped her breast. Tara inhaled sharply at the warm contact even though two layers of cloth separated her from Willow’s skin. “Monday and Monday night, I wanted to be with you so bad, and I couldn’t. To just decide not to ….,” her voice trailed off as she repeated herself.
Tara leaned forward and kissed her lover. “I know, sweetie. I can barely keep my hands off you, too.”
“So why try? Why don’t we come back here and make love all afternoon again like you want to, like I want to? We’ll have plenty of time to meet Buffy at the Espresso Pump.” Willow’s thumb rubbed her nipple.
She closed her eyes and sighed. Her lover was a temptress and knew exactly which buttons to push – or in this case, rub. Resolutely she grasped Willow’s wrist and removed her hand from her breast.
“I also love simply being with you,” she explained. She lifted Willow’s hand to her mouth and kissed it. “If we come back here, making love is all we’ll do. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s very much a good thing.”
Willow sighed unhappily. “We don’t have to, I mean, we didn’t for like over a month. We just kissed and snuggled and talked.”
Tara kissed her lover again. “And if we came back here this afternoon and tried to do only that, do you really think we could?”
Willow frowned and sighed, “No, I guess not. Touching you and kissing you was wonderful before ….”
“It was delicious, wasn’t it, sweetie?” she interrupted with a smile, caressing Willow’s face.
“Yeah, it was,” Willow agreed with an answering smile, “but you’re right, I want more than that now.” She sighed. “I suppose you’re right. It will still be good to be together, but we’re going to be sooo frustrated.”
Tara stood and pulled her lover to her feet. “You know what they say about absence.” She brushed Willow’s still damp hair off her face.
“Yeah. Makes the heart grow fonder. Stupid homily.” Willow hugged her close.
She wrapped her arms about the smaller woman, wondering if it could be possible to love her any more than she already did.
“Why don’t I pick up some lunch and meet you on the quad around 12:15? We can have a picnic.” Tara squeezed Willow gently. “The sun’s up and shining already. It should be sort of warm by then.”
“Okay. What are you gonna get?” Willow squeezed her back. “Oooh – chocolate?”
She laughed. “Ummm, maybe. Can I surprise you?”
“Uhhh, sure – I guess.” Willow looked dubious, then grinned, “Did I mention how I thought chocolate would be a good thing?”
“Chocolate it is, then.” Tara kissed her lover gently. “But I’m choosing the rest, okay?”
“’Kay.” Willow laid her head on her shoulder and they swayed together in the silence.
******
Tara didn’t bother closing the door. She crossed her room to her desk and pulled the books out of her bag. Those were not necessary or even wanted at this point, and smiled as she replaced them with a few plates. Pausing for just a moment, she considered taking her tableware, but in the end the only other thing she snagged was a blanket. Her little Swiss Army knife would do if they needed to cut anything, and the lunch carts would supply plastic utensils. Napkins too, but she was hoping to convince Willow that those were optional.
Her nearly empty bag rattled as she swung it up on her shoulder. Plastic plates weren’t fragile and were unlikely to be damaged by contact with the wooden stake she’d carried since Monday night. The blanket nestled under her arm, she pulled the door closed behind her and locked it. She heaved a relieved sigh, glad to leave the noise behind. The balancing still had some time left to work its way out. Maybe her sweetie was right. There might be a better way – something that would create a buffer, but without the noise. She considered some of the other options she had found, unaware that her whole demeanor had changed. Head up, shoulders back, she pushed through the doors into the sunlight.
She frowned a bit, a little at the brightness, but mostly because the other magical possibilities were less “clean”. Her mother would probably even have had issues with the spell she and Willow were currently using. Her frown deepened remembering the scolding she’d received for using magic to clean her room. Her mama had been strict with her about one thing only – magic. It was never to be trifled with, never to be used if there was another way – even if the other way was inconvenient or time-consuming. It was too dangerous to be a toy.
But she liked hearing Willow and Willow liked hearing her. And in addition to the embarrassment they felt, was it really fair to disturb her neighbors? Certainly having their sleep or study time interrupted was an im….
“Deep thoughts?”
“Oh, h-hi.” Tara turned to the woman who was walking along beside her. Did simply thinking of her neighbors draw them to her now?
“Hey.” Jo smiled at her, eyes hidden by sunglasses. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
That rang false in Tara’s ears. She gave her neighbor a considering look and said “Uh-huh.”
The tall woman blushed. “Well, okay, yeah, I did, but ….”
“Y-You couldn’t resist?”
“Nope.” Jo grinned more widely and she pushed her shades up onto the top of her head. “And I must be a masochist. That whole thing last night was your idea, wasn’t it?”
Tara laughed softly. “Yes.”
“It’s always the quiet ones.” Jo shook her head, apparently still somewhat bemused, then the grin softened into a smile. “You should do that more often.”
“Wh-What?” Tara was confused.
“Laugh. You have a good one.”
“Oh.” She looked sideways at Jo, her lips tugged upwards in a smile. “Thanks.”
“Well, you do,” her neighbor insisted. “So you and the girlfriend are gonna have a picnic?”
Tara nodded and wondered if Jo was going to invite herself along. She glanced nervously at the other woman, who was sticking with her like peanut butter to bread. They had almost reached the food carts that lined one side of the campus.
“And I bet you’re not gonna have hotdogs or subs or something ordinary, are you?” Jo asked.
“I d-don’t know if Willow likes hotdogs,” Tara admitted. “But no, I w-was thinking of something more than just sandwiches.”
“That’s right, you haven’t known her very long.” Jo nodded in understanding.
Tara was surprised, then shocked and angry. She stopped and faced her neighbor. “Oh, n-no. I’ve kn-known her since before Christmas. W-We just…. ”
“Oops, my bad,” Jo interrupted. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, like the two of you just met and hopped into bed. Nope, wrong. Really didn’t mean to piss you off.” She paused. “I’ve seen her around in the hall and all, but only since the end of the year – like you said. It’s hard to know everything about someone who is relatively new to you like she is, whether she likes hot dogs or not, and I think I should shut up now.”
Tara’s anger slowly faded and she looked at the other young woman – really looked at her for the first time. Tall, dark-haired, attractive. “Jo, what do you w-want?”
“World peace?” Jo’s quick grin flashed.
“S-Seriously.”
Her neighbor fidgeted, looking at the ground and their surroundings while she fiddled with her pack’s shoulder straps. Finally, she sighed and looked at her. “I don’t know if I can say this without you getting mad, but your thing with Willow … your relationship with her, well, I like being around people who are in love. I did in high school too. Here, you and Willow are sort of it among people I know. I mean Steve doesn’t count; he has a revolving door on his room. And my one attempt at having something myself here, well, that really sucked. I thought he liked me, but it was just to get me in his bed. Stupid me.” She shrugged and finished with a muttered, “Really sucked.”
“Y-You’re not saying that you w-want to watch, r-right?” Tara asked drawing the bag to her chest and crossing her arms over it. “I just want to be clear.”
“Oh, God, no! No watching.” Jo shook her head violently. “Just knowing is all. I’m in it for the vicarious smoochies, since I can’t get any of my own.”
“A-And that’s all?” Tara queried. “The two-women-together-thing doesn’t b-both…”
“Bother me? Lord, no.” Her neighbor shook her head again.
Tara eyed Jo, who was actually looking serious. She had one last question and gripping her bag tightly, she asked, “D-Does it t-t …, um, are y-you c-curious?”
Jo blushed. “I don’t know.” She glanced away and answered softly, “Maybe. Yes.” Looking back, she shrugged in apology, “Sorry, three answers, two questions, even if you only got one out completely.”
“D-Do I choose wh-which goes where?” Tara lifted her eyebrow and smiled slightly.
“Oh, hell.” Jo sighed. “I should know better than to tease you.” She sighed again. “‘I don’t know’ was just evasive, “maybe” for does it, you know….?” She couldn’t say the word either and saw Tara’s smile broaden, and smiled in return, “And yes, I’m curious – I think.”
Tara’s grip on her bag eased. That cleared up some things. Jo seemed somewhat uncomfortable, so she changed the topic back to food. “I n-need to get the stuff for the picnic. W-Want to …?” She gestured toward the carts.
“Sure. If you don’t mind ….?” Jo’s voice trailed off.
“N-No.” Tara smiled sincerely at her neighbor. She set off again for her favorite cart and hoped that Willow would agree that the food was edible. She rather suspected that Jo wouldn’t.
And Jo didn’t disappoint her totally. “From here, huh? This, rather than a hot dog, for a picnic with your …,” she glanced at the man at the counter and finished, “… sweetie.”
“Yes.” She placed her order for several small sides, paid, and stepped aside for the next customer. Who turned out to be Jo.
“Hi Abdul, can I have my usual?” Her neighbor handed over her money.
“Yes, yes, Miss Jo. Kefta kebab with hummus,” he told his helper, and turned back to Tara. “Here, miss, all good things to eat.” He put the tubs in a bag and slipped several pitas inside, then handed Jo her order.
“See ya, Abdul.”
They turned away, and Tara headed to another stand, Jo tagging along. She gave the dark-haired girl a considering look which was returned with an unrepentant grin.
“What? Color you surprised?” Jo nudged her elbow, “Okay, yeah, I’m a regular there. He’s nice and the food’s good. Not like artichokes ….” She shuddered melodramatically and patted the bag. “This is just meat and, and, … gravy.”
Tara laughed again and bought some fruit, then headed for the last cart on her mental list. She waited as the two pieces of roast chicken were wrapped in foil, steadfastly ignoring Jo, who had snorted loudly when she placed the order for “two breasts”. Instead she looked at the assortment of sweets the stand also sold and finally selected a bar of Ghirardelli chocolate, the one with raspberries. She turned; since it was almost noon, she looked for a good place to settle.
“How about over there?” Jo raised a hand and pointed toward the north side of the quad. “Not so many folks as over here. And even if it’s a bit shady, she should be able to see you easily since you’ll be like the only one there. Besides, she’s probably as overdressed as you so the shade will feel good.”
“S-Sounds good,” Tara agreed. Jo was right about the shade, too; in the sun her sweater and scarf combo was overly warm.
They had just laid out the blanket and were unpacking her bags when Tara spotted Willow coming into the quad. She watched her love walk towards her and with difficulty resisted an impulse to run and meet her, all to the accompaniment of incredibly sweet music that was playing in her head.
Goddess, how she loved that woman!
Her eyes drank her in to the exclusion of everything else. Her hair gleamed like fire in the sun, her skin seemed to glow with an inner light – a kind of translucent radiance. She was like some beautiful elf coming to walk among the mortals. All was perfect except for her expression, which looked a bit snarky. Tara followed her love’s gaze to Jo. Yeah, definitely the reason for the cranky look.
She stood and reached out with both hands, though not certain that Willow would take them in such a public place. “Hi, sweetie.”
Willow caught up her hands and their fingers interlocked, the frown disappearing from her face. “Hey.” So softly spoken, so full of love.
“Y’know, I can hear violins,” Jo interjected, “but I don’t see hugs and kisses.”
“Why are you here?”
“Hi, Willow. Yes, I’m fine, thanks.” Jo answered sweetly, and pulling Tara’s bag toward her, she reached within.
Tara stopped breathing and felt Willow tense. They watched as Jo pulled out her hand and stared bemusedly at the stake she held. Almost casually, she set it down and fished about in the bag again, retrieving plates … a cross … and holy water. Her eyes flicked from the items arrayed on the blanket, to them, and back again. She rolled the stake with her left index finger.
“Okay, I had a thought about this – not necessarily a good thought, but hey, I don’t know. But that was only for this and really doesn’t go anywhere to explain these things ....” Jo pointed at the cross and holy water. “Help?” she asked, and looked up again, her eyes flicking between them.
Tara was frozen in place, unable to move to reclaim her things.
****
“You shouldn’t get into other people’s things.”
Willow knelt, smoothly in one motion, and scooped the three items back into Tara’s bag. She folded the top over and put it to one side. She sat back on her heels and with some difficulty put her fury aside. She reached out a hand to Tara and pulled, gently encouraging her to join her on the blanket.
Tara sank down slowly and sat cross-legged, staring downwards. Her hand within hers was completely still. Willow squeezed it gently and twined their fingers together. She inhaled deeply and looked back at her girlfriend’s neighbor, remembering how in high school everything had changed for her and Xander.
“Jo.” Her eyes locked on the other woman’s and she launched into what she hoped was an adequate explanation. “Last night, you said that you’d read the handbook. I think most of the students do, but you get the primo special addendum courtesy of, well … me. This is my hometown, and well, weird stuff happens here; it’s kinda like the Bermuda Triangle, but not. You should take the dos and don’ts in the handbook very seriously.” She felt Tara’s thumb begin to caress the back of her hand.
“So the stake, cross, and holy water are for killing vampires, not for something kinky?” Skepticism laced Jo’s voice and was etched on her face.
Willow heard ‘kinky’ and blushed bright red. Tara gave her hand a quick squeeze, “Uh, no, no kink.” She swallowed hard. “But yes vampires. They’re already dead, so it’s not really killing them, it’s ....”
“S-Sweetie,” Tara interrupted her, “k-killing is p-probably okay to use.”
“Okay.” Jo looked around her. “I am sitting in the sun in California with two lesbians discussing vampires and whether it’s possible to kill them or not. Can this get any weirder?”
“Ummm, Sunnydale.” Willow waved her free hand in a broad inclusive gesture. “That’s really not a question you want to ask here.”
Tara nodded in silent agreement.
“Okay, the two of you are either crazy or you believe this or both or it’s true.” Jo paused. “Or you’re back to the getting even thing.”
Willow glanced quickly at Tara, who cocked her head and then nodded almost imperceptibly. She ran her hand through her hair. Buffy was going to kill her! She opened Tara’s bag again and pulling out the stake she set it near their knees. Bigger than a pencil but with Tara’s help ….
“Jo. We were serious last night about how you asked us into your room. I know that it sounds really crazy or like we’re just pulling your leg. But vampires are real, and all they need to come into your room is an invitation. There are other things, too – bad things – and they all just sort of congregate here in Sunnydale. I didn’t believe it either at first, but I saw one of my best friends turn into a vampire my sophomore year in high school – and well, I saw a lot of other weird stuff too.” She could see the skepticism hardening on Jo’s face and she glanced again at Tara. Ignoring the other woman for a moment, she said to her lover, “I think coming out is gonna sort of be like this.”
Tara smiled and squeezed her hand again.
“You’ve noticed how classmates sometimes just disappear?” She saw Jo nod. “And you remember how we all lost our voices before Christmas last year?” A second nod. “Well, that was because of some icky fairy tale monsters, and the disappearances are usually vampire kills.” Willow took a deep a breath to steady herself and looked back at Jo. “I know it’s a lot to take on trust, but you don’t actually have to. Watch.”
She reclaimed Tara’s hand, felt their link, felt the stake – and lifted. Smiling slightly at how effortlessly she could control it with Tara, she rotated it in midair, tumbling it end over end.
Jo looked at the levitating stake and slowly reached out. “Can I touch it?” Wonder suffused her voice.
“Wait.” Willow held the stake steady. “Yeah, there you go. I just didn’t want it to slip.” She smiled at the look of incredible delight on Jo’s face as her fingers traced the stake’s surface and tried to move it.
Jo released the stake. “Okay, that was freaky. Cool, but freaky. So you’re not just lesbians, you’re witches too?”
“Uh-huh,” Tara replied. Willow nodded a second later, collecting the stake and putting it back in her girlfriend’s bag.
“Lesbian witches. Jeez, just can’t avoid the stereotype, can you?” The woman laughed and hugged her arms about herself.
Tara laughed too, and Willow belatedly joined in, surprised that Jo was taking it so well.
“And J-Jo, remember, it is r-real. F-Follow the handbook, it will keep you s-safe.”
Willow decided she needed to make doubly certain of several things. “Uh, Jo ….” She squeezed Tara’s hand. “It is a secret, though. The whole thing. Sunnydale, vampires, lesbian witches ….”
“Got it.” Jo nodded, then looked at them sharply. “You’re not out?”
“I am, W-Willow’s n-not.”
Willow heard Tara answer, her nervous stutter rawly apparent, and felt, well, icky – she supposed that described things adequately.
“That’s why no kissage,” Jo muttered, then locked her eyes on hers. “I’m not gonna ask why. I’m sure you have reasons, but you should ask yourself if they’re really good ones. End of lecture.”
A wave of conflicting emotions washed through Willow as Jo spoke: anger and confusion, yes, but mainly guilt – lots of guilt.
“Jo.” Tara’s voice resonated a warning “back off” in the one short syllable of the woman’s name.
“Okay,” she sighed loudly. “Damn, I was looking forward to vicarious smoochies.”
“Wh-Why settle for vicarious ones? Why don’t y-you go find s-some of your own?” Tara asked. “T-Tomorrow evening at 7PM, Room 41 in Collins.”
“Are the two of you going to be there?” Jo asked nervously.
Willow found herself looking rapidly between the two women, not wholly understanding. Room 43 was where the Wicca group met.
“N-No. I have a c-conflict with another group that meets next door. W-Willow …” Tara looked at her with a lifted eyebrow and at her nod, continued, “Willow is p-patrolling. You’ll be f-fine at the Alliance. Th-They even provide escorts for walking home. Eat before y-you go, food is pretty scarce. I think it’s a d-dance night.”
Willow had been trying to figure out what they were talking about. “Huh? Oh. Ohhhhh!” At the word “Alliance”, the light had come on. She looked at Jo again – okay, that might explain things – a lot of things, in fact.
“Okay, you just said two things that chilled my blood. Dancing? Me dancing? I have two left feet and no rhythm and ….”
“I can’t dance either,” Willow interrupted, then frowned and shrugged. “Unless I’ve had a beer – then I don’t have any trouble.” She shook her head as Tara looked askance at her. “Later.” Jo ignored the exchange.
“Second thing. Patrolling? Let me get this straight, you warn me to be careful and then you go out looking for trouble?”
“Not alone, and it’s not really looking, it’s more being there to help in case … something happens,” Willow explained lamely.
“Help? Help who? Hey, are you expecting company?” Jo said, looking past them. “Male type company?”
Willow squeezed Tara’s hand before she let go and looked over her shoulder. “Damn. Riley. And friends.”
“Wh-Which one’s Riley?” Tara asked, turning to look with her.
“The tall guy in the middle. I don’t know who the other two are. Or why they’re coming over here.” Willow frowned.
“Who’s Riley?” Jo asked.
“Buffy’s boyfriend. Or possibly former boyfriend, I’m not sure, but I think I’m about to find out.” She watched as the tall young man left his friends to come over.
“Hey, Willow.” Aware that he was looming, he squatted beside her. He glanced at her two companions and gave them a smile, but then focused his attention on her face.
“Hey – and no, I don’t know anything more than I knew yesterday or the day before. What does it take to get that through your thick skull?”
“Uh, Will, that wasn’t what I was going to ask.”
“It wasn’t? Then why are you here?” she asked rudely. Hearing Tara’s soft intake of breath, she apologized and almost meant it. “Sorry. It’s been a weird day.”
“S’Okay, Willow. I understand.” He looked at the ground. “I was wondering if, uh, she was still going to the Bronze on Saturday night.”
“Yeah, she’ll be there with the rest of us. You’re welcome to join us. No date issues that way. Sound like a plan, Riley Finn?” She found herself echoing his growing smile.
“Yeah. And thanks, Willow. See ya there.” He unfolded himself and stood. Nodding to all three women, he rejoined his friends and they sauntered off.
“Corn-fed much?” Jo asked sarcastically. “Is he from Iowa by any chance?”
“Yep. Big old Iowa farm boy,” Willow confirmed.
“B-Big is right. And Buffy’s so small,” Tara wondered aloud, her eyes following the trio of men as they crossed the quad.
“Uhhh, it doesn’t quite work that way, Tare.” Willow tried to keep the amusement out of her voice.
“Size matters, but you can’t tell until ....” Jo suddenly shook her head and laughed, pointing at Willow. “No, you do it – you explain it to your girlfriend. My day’s been weird enough.” She looked at Tara and Willow’s eyes followed along. “You’ll be next door, tomorrow night?” . They both saw the blonde nod.
“Okay, I may drop by then, but for now I’m gonna scoot.” She collected her bag and rose to her feet. “Have a good picnic. Bye.”
“Bye, Jo,” Willow responded automatically. The comment about tomorrow night had gotten her thoughts back on the track they’d been derailed from.
“S-See you.”
Together they watched her long legs carrying her quickly away.
“Did we do the right thing?” Willow asked her lover.
“Which right thing, sweetie?”
Willow just shook her head, not sure of that herself.
See, this whole subversion to the dark smutty side is just...*splutters* EVIL!
*sigh* Now I have to turn on the AC again.
by Kieli » Fri Aug 30, 2002 11:51 am 
