Once More With Slaying

[YunaMaClay]

Okay I really haven't posting much..... so coming out of my semi-lurkerdom to have you all read this story...... It's something my friend and I made... we started over a year ago on it.....but this is as in she wrote it.... I just helped her with the plot and such.... um kinda betaing then.........but she isn't on this board so I'm posting it for her otherwise she might (jk) soooo onto the story....



Title: Once More With Slaying



Author: Viena



Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, won't own em, wish I could.... they are owned by Joss Whedon... so please don't sue me



Rating: Um I'm going with R just for language and some content



Summary: Uh nothing really it's kinda AU.... hmm unless you didn't know W/T were together



Feedback: Pretty, Pretty PLEASE!!!!!!! Okay I'm okay now, but would like feedback



Opening











We open to the sound of an alarm clock and Buffy's reaction to it.Her clothes are still on from the previous nights slay. She stakes the alarm clock and rolls back over, as the camera angle moves toward three girls standing in the doorway, with concerned glances aimed toward the sleeping slayer.











Later At The Magic Box







Xander and Anya stand at the register, staring down Buffy while the two wiccans pretend to do research, giving continuous glances from Buffy back to Xander and Anya. Buffy sits completely oblivious to anything but her beautiful portrait of Mr. Pointy.



Giles enters carrying a rather large axe, takes away the art work, placing it next to the wooden stake. Willow and Tara wait patiently as Giles ushers Buffy from the room, then hurriedly the group swarms around the picture, giving glances of concern to one another.







Later in the Cemetery







Buffy walks around. her energy pumping as she searches the ground for any signs of vampiric activity..



Music swells from off screen.







Buffy:Every single night

I widdle stakes then

I go out and find a fight

still I always feel

this strange displacement

Nothing her is killed?

This just isn't right

I've been beating foes with layderhose just hoping vampires know

that I will stake them through the kidney

Drop them on their arse

I just need to penetrate their heart

I was always cool

and kind of passive

Now I see I'm slayering

Peirce it in a chest

A cloud of ash is what I'm seeing



Vampires:She needs counseling



Buffy: Thanks for noticing



Vampires and a demon: She can get a high watching vampires die and making demons cry

But she's just going through the motions

Staking through the heart



Dead Demon: She addicted that bitch stabbed me-ow



Buffy: Will I keep this pace forever

Making Vampires scream and shiver..



Victim: That was really cool..



Buffy: Whatever

I just wanna be

Killing all the baddies

Making all them die

I won't feel free

till they don't bother me

Hey! I just want them all to die!







The overhead bell rings as Buffy enters the magic shop. Her slaying clothes still on from the previous night. Everyone turns toward her with a disappointed glance.







Buffy: hey why's everyone so glum? I mean Im killing all the baddies and.. baddies..that brings up a good question.. did anyone spontaneously break into song last night?



Xander: Buffy we have to talk..break into song?



Willow/Tara:We thought it was just us!



Willow: But then we usually break into song when levitating off of the bed.. or at least Tara does...



Tara: Honey, let's change this subject..



Buffy:Okay..eww and huh?



Giles:um...we can worry about the singing later, there is a more pressing matter at hand.



Buffy: What a new baddie? Cause I'll kill it, I'll slay 'em good.



Giles: Which is precisely the problem. We feel that you are slaying far too much and we...



Buffy: yeah?



Giles: Well I...



Giles: I've got a theory

that your addicted

rather peculiar

Like something isn't right here.



Willow: He's got a theory

You'd better listen because you gotta know

we really love you Buffy



Xander:I've got a theory you will be upset



Xander/Willow/ Tara/ Anya: Your acting query and I think the jury is at rest....



Xander: It could be pointy

Yea Mr. Pointy

which is ridiculous cause its Buffy's stake

Uses slayer strength It's made of wood

it's really good and my god I'm sounding Queer...



Anya:I've got a theory it could be Giles...



(Giles looks up to search for some reasoning as a smile cracks over Buffy's face..)



Giles isn't cool like other watchers are

he's got that accent and that weird looking guitar

and whats with wiping off his glasses, while pinching the bridge of his nose for anyway?

Giles Giles it must be Giles............................



(Confused glances fill the room as Anya points to Willow and Tara..)



Or the Lesbians



(Tara holds back Willow as she prepares to rush at Anya)



Willow: I have a theory you should take a bath

Cause your idea reeks so you can kiss my ass....



Buffy: I've got a theory That your all crazy

what can I do but kill the evil

It's stopping me from killing people

slaying trips, you've all been there

the same old shit why should you care?



Group Minus Buffy: Why can't we prove that your addicted?

You'll make it through if you can live with

a limit time

or pay the price

a vampires life is no entice

What can she do but kill the evil

It's stopping her from killing people

We just can't blame ourselves...



Anya: So let's blame Giles....



( Again Buffy's face cracks into a huge smile)



Giles: Anya I think you and I need some alone time with Mr. Pointy and I'm not speaking about the abolishment that you and Xander performed with it...



Buffy: Hey. No one touches MY Mr. Pointy, unless...



(she drops the stake forcefully on the ground and wipes her hands profusely on her jeans pants, making a rather disgusted face)



Willow: (looking shocked) Did you really use that? you know like that?



Xander: no..yes, but that was Anya's idea and now I'm beginning to feel a little duped.



Tara: yeah, so was I.



(The group turns and stares)



(Tara blushes)



Willow: more important! Buffy is... Well, what do you think about our discussion thus far?



Buffy: Well, that I'm the only person here who hasn't had a fun night with Mr. Pointy.



(She waits for a raised hand but only catches downward glances)



Giles!!!!!



Giles: I..uh..I..oh! Did anyone else noticed that we were just singing?



Xander: yeah, it was definitely a rousing rendition of NSYNC mixed with Backstreet Boys.



Anya: I was hoping for Britney Spears...



Buffy:actually it was more like sesame street before they had singers.



Giles: more importantly is it just us?



Buffy: hold on I'll check...



(she walks halfway to the door, stops and turns to the nearest shelf, she grabs two chicken feet out of the nearby cannister and shoves them into her ears to stop the sound)





Man: They got the bloodstains out



Crowd: the dirt and grime too!





That's all for now..... what do you all think...... Ooo next Tara's song... which is almost done.... but you have to wait..

Edited by: Warduke at: 4/15/04 9:21 am

[YunaMaClay]

Okay no one's replied..... Please reply *gets on knees and begs* Or you know it hasn't been up that long.... but both my friend and I need SOME encouraging....please?? Okay anyway I have this written out from her so I'm typing it up for you all..... please say how you like it



*Disclaimers in first Part



Once More With Slaying (Cont.)



(The doorbell rings as Buffy jumps into her seat.)



Dawn: Hey guys! Oh no! I forgot what today was... Intervention Day.... Sorry! I got held up in class, and you'll never guess why.



Buffy: Everybody was singing about vampire?



Dawn: Is she on this subject like crack? No, we sang about the importance of learning about homosexuality.



Tara: Well that's an interesting topic to bring up out of the blue.



Dawn: No, because at the time I was at the Gay and Lesbian club at my school and my girlfri... um that was a misnomer, actually I wasn't at a club, I was in Geometry class... uh yeah, geometry... math, these things and I are just doomed to collide... uh... right now.



Tara: Right you might wanna get on that. Willow, I forgot to tell you how much of an influence you and I had on Dawnie.



Willow: You mean she's all with the...



Buffy: I thought that this was an intervention, not a coming out party.



Tara:...



(Que in music)



Buffy I have to tell you

Killing is just not my place

My life is scarred with demons

Ashes surrounding my face

Now I see it all

Buffy your losing control



I'm covered in ash

Buffy can't you see

You bring out the hate in me

It worked so strangely well

Oh the ecstasy

Slaying vamps makes me feel free



I heard you killed the dark lord

Losing your life in his place

His powers weren't that strong though

Angel put on his game face

Now I feel the hurt

Because my peasant shirt is covered in ash



Why can't you see

Slaying's just a fantasy

It's really hard work

Your just a machine

Beating down those evil things

Slaying makes me feel free



It's dark in your mind

Somethings crawling inside

(bad) (bad)



I'm covered in ash

Why else would it be

Willow's gay in season three

You know this could be swell

Fighting this for you

You just couldn't see

You make me feel free

You made me dirty

Willow's gay cause of me

I got the nooky



Tara: Okay now that was impressively strange.



Buffy: Nice voice.... Hated the message



Willow: You got the nooky?



Tara: I had no control over my words!



Willow: You got the nooky? Since when do you listen to Limp Bizkit?



Tara: Who? Do they duet with Sheryl Crow?



Willow: Probably, everyone else does eventually.



Xander: Excuse Me! But there is a pressing subject at hand...



(Everyone stops and looks at Xander)



Can you describe this nooky?



Anya: You know Buffy, speaking as an ex-vengence demon, it is okay to want to inflict pain on the vampire race but I think your working overtime.... and Tara, you think Willow's gay because of you?



Xander: Yeah, it could have been when we, ya know kissed, a very long time ago. I do have that effect on women.



Willow/Tara: What about Anya?



Anya: Teah what about me?



Xander: Your the exception, hun.



Buffy: What about...



Willow: Cordelia?



Xander: Well, let's just say after me, she spent a lot of time with Harmony.



Buffy: What? Oh come on! Cordelia and Haemony never...

(Watching Xander shaking gis head)



Xander: Of course Cordie's not that way, she was just experimenting, but Harmony, well she's kinda both.



Buffy: Wait? Harmony's... you mean there's a bisexual vampire running through this town?



Spike: Hi all!



Tara: (Through thralls of laughter) Yep!



Giles: Alright, shall we stop this nonsense now... Xander, Anya sa your peace.



Anya: Okay but I need a glass of water before I start singing.



Spike: Just came to tell you, Buffy, to meet me in my crypt tonight!



He turns and leaves as the scobby gang turns to Buffy for a moment.



Xander: I think he's still in love with her.



Anya: This is the day

That I speak my peace

My thought son your life

I'm butting in

Cause I can

I'm your friend

So you can kiss mine

About this Slayer gig

You know it's causing you to wig

Your only problem is

WE didn't tell.



Xander: Anya is right

She depends on your life

What the hell is that face?

We are apart of this wondrous art

Of slaying the vamps

You'll never really know

The truth about your unknown foe

It's really strange that

huh

We didn't tell



Xander/Anya: But there's something to tell.



Anya: You scare



Xander: the beejesus



Anya: out of every living creature



Xander: Your life's a creature feature that we can't describe.



Anya: You slay the vamps then...



Xander: You start the romancin!



Anya: With the vamp you tried to kill the night before.



Xander/Anya: Your life gets kind of scary.



Xander: Like the time with the band candy.



Anya: Or Willow as a band geek



Xander: God that movie was so funny



Xander/Anya: But back to the song

cause Buffy's life is all wrong



Anya: Like when the vamps get all roughy

They get slaughtered by the Buffy

But Spike's still around

While she's running the show



Xander: He's important and useful

But's he's also getting goosed!

I think



Anya: Buffy's gonna screw him



Xander: She would never, no!



Anya: Hey look at me, I'm Buffy on Spike.



Buffy glares at Anya as Willow and Tara begin laughing and falling into each other. Giles places his hand over Dawn's eyes.



Xander/Anya: You know



Xander: She's still into Angel



Anya: Yeah, cause he's available



Xander: No! She wouldn't screw that doofus

Cause it'd be all strange and ooky

And she's gonna dust him now

Any day



Anya: He's right



Xander: She's righter



Anya: She'll kill that vampire



Xander: She's gonna make him scream her name really loud



Anya: How could

I have figured

That Spike would go all sexy

I must've thought of Angel back in High School



Xander/Anya: Are you looking for no heartbeat?



Anya: Does he have to be really old?



Xander:Will your life be at an end if you have a sane boyfriend?



Anya: One that never gets all wrinkly and looks like Bon Jovi.



Xander: Are you crazy?



Anya: Are you dreaming?



Xander:Spike is so a demon



Xander/Anya: You could really be a queen and send that bastard to hell.



That's something we couldn't tell



Anya: My god now we couldn't tell



Xander: I said it yeah!



Anya: It was all him!



Xander: God Anya PLease

Don't get me killed!



Xander/Anya: We should have said!



Xander and Anya stop and look at each other for a moment.

Edited by: Warduke at: 4/15/04 12:48 pm

[soluna350]

I like it. It's a funny story/musical. Please keep it up.



luna

[xeembiote]

heya! interesting fic here... keep it up

[kindagay]

Oh my god! This is really funny I love it.



My fave part:

Quote:

---

I got the nooky

---

& the entire discussion about that line







Keep it up



Hugs

Jeanne

----------



Tara: “Let me guess – you want me to lie on your lap while you feed me grapes, but my sweet, shy, precious, honey you’ve been too shy to ask – yes?” - GROWW by WannaFriendsBe

[onyxsundrops]

Extremely funny, and a great beginning. I look forward to reading more.



Yvonne

[YunaMaClay]

Um next part disclaimer above..... yada yada



Giles: Why do I even bother?



Buffy: Hey Giles, why don’t we change the name of the store?



Giles: Pardon?



Buffy: Well, it could be the Music Box instead of the Magic Box. Due to all the sporadic musicals.



Giles: Yes, well…



Buffy: Okay! That was a great intervention, but night falls and destiny calls.



Xander: Buff, the sun’s still peekin!



Anya: Yes, vampires don’t really show until the sun is fully set. You of all people should know that Buffy.



Buffy: Yes, Thank you, I’m fully aware of that factor, but I would like to head over to Spike’s crypt first. He needed me for something.



Tara: I hope it’s not for what Anya and Xander were speaking about.



Buffy: You mean dusting him….. Ah if his yappin’ keeps me away from the slaying then yeah!



Buffy leaves through the door, leaving only the reverberating sound of the overhead bell.



Cemetery



A vampire jumps up from behind a grave.



Buffy: Oh! Goody! I was really hoping for a slay after that tone-deaf intervention.



(Slays vamp only to be jumped by three more)



Vamp #1: Maybe your friends were right Slayer, maybe you are addicted.



(Turns to dust as Vamp #2 attacks)



Vamp #2: I mean think about it Slayer, it’s becoming your only passion.



(Turns to dust. Vamp#3 jumps in)



Vamp #3: They were idiots, but I’m definitely a bigger problem. I am your addiction.



(Grabs stake puts it to Buffy’s heart. Queue in music)



Buffy: I’ve been having a bad bad slay

Come on won’t you put that stake away

I’m asking you please no

It isn’t right

It’s not the way

The vampires get slayed

I don’t think the points that sharp

Why can’t you let it go?

I only tried to kill you once

So what I kicked, I threw a punch

Hey, I’m not that good of a lunch.



Spike jumps from the shadows and stakes the vamp, picking Buffy up. They walk to Spike’s crypt where he sits her down.



Buffy: I was doing just fine you know!



Spike: Right, and you wouldn’t be a nummy threat for that crew.



Buffy: Not today, I haven’t changed from last night.



Spike: Yeah, I noticed.



Buffy: Oh really!



Spike: You ever think, maybe they’re right? I mean you are kind of addicted.



Buffy: Yeah, they may be.



Spike: Well I know what’s more fun than slaying.



Buffy: What’s that?



Spike: I tried

Last season or so

To let you know for real

Just how you make me feel

But why you can’t see this now

I think we both

Oh



You’ve killed

All of my friends

And I have no one to talk to cause

I’m scared that you’ll kill them

But put down that stake and I’ll

Make you really feel.



This is great and I wanna play

Cause I just wanna touch you girl

More than I can say

And since I’m a vampire

I’m scared to even say

You tried to stake me



So just give me a piece

Let me slap that stake

Let me take my stake and thrust it

In a hole 5 ft deep

I can lay your body down

And find your sweet release

So let me get a piece



You know

You’ve got a sex slave

And you love to play the thought

That you might misbehave

But when you do

I’m asking you

To visit my grave

And let me get a piece



Bu now you should know

That I’ll follow you like a man obsessed

Here’s a hand upon your breast

And it hurts much more than you’ll ever guess



The music stops while Spike screams and holds his steaming hand.



Spike: Buffy are you wearing a bra with crosses on the nipples?



Buffy: Yep…



Spike: Can you take it off then?



Buffy: Nope…



Spike: Okay then…. That just killed that bloody mood.



Buffy: Mood? There was no mood.



Buffy kicks Spike in the groin and run to the magic box.



Spike: So, we’ll do this later then…



(Buffy enters the Magic Box)



Buffy: Oh! Disgusting.



Dawn: Yeah, I know Buffy, but don’t worry I can go home and grab you a change of clothes and some makeup, and maybe some deodorant. Cause you know you haven’t really changed in a while.



Buffy: Okay, Dawn babble-mode off. Giles, can you please patrol with me?





Giles: Uh, yes but I thought Spike, was to…



Buffy: Let’s just go… Dawnie, stay here. Don’t go anywhere!



Giles: If you would like to clean there could be a fair amount of compensation.



Willow: Yeah, he might give you a cookie.



Giles: Precisely what I was thinking.



Buffy: Giles, vamps, me, kill… Please?



Giles: Oh, alright. But I don’t really see how this is helping your recovery.



(They exit)



Willow: Okay, she’s gone. And I feel horrible, I’m Bronzin’ it. Tara? Xander? Anya? Join me?



Xander: Sure, I need some dancin release.



Anya: Oh! Fun! Good times. I’m in!



Tara: Um, I’m not feeling…. “bronzie,” I’ll stay with Dawnie and help clean.



Willow: You sure baby? I mean I don’t have to go.



Tara: No Will, I insist, have fun. Just not too much.



Willow: Well your not there so I may not.



Tara: Actually I do need to do a few things… alone… so please go and enjoy.



Willow: ‘Kay.



Xander: Okay, Will I think you’ll survive, come on Anya and I will take good care of you. Won’t we Hun?



Anya: We’ll have you home in one piece, even is that’s a super-glued piece because of some type of strange attack at the hands of a troll god…



Xander: Right, let’s party.





Sorry update was kinda short.... couldn't find one of the songs



Patricia

Okay, I may be short, I May have pointy ears, I may look like a really f**cked up impression of Link, but damnit I deserve some respect-- Hope

[YunaMaClay]

*Disclaimers in first part. Hope you all enjoy this.



A small gang of vampires enters and surrounds Buffy.



Buffy: Okay Giles, now run after them really, really fast and poke them with this sharp pointy stick.



Giles: Even though that is quite humorous Buffy, you bloody well know I can’t run that fast, and you have all the sharp pointy sticks.



Buffy: Okay, How am I supposed to “recover” when you tell me to so this constantly.



Giles: Well you don’t bloody well think I’m going to go chase the little buggers down do you? I’m not the Slayer.



(Rising music swell in the background as characters realize there is no recovery for a slayer.)



Your not ready for recovery

I keep pretending and I just can’t see

I know I said that you need some counseling

But I



(The sound of a stake flying through the air and a poofing vamp fills the background.)

This twelve step program really needs a pill.

And there’s consequences that will never… die



(Music stops. Crickets chirp, Gils makes funny face. Buffy looks up from slaying a vamp)



Buffy: d o t d o t d o t die?



Giles: It’s all I could think of.



Buffy: Uh-huh. Continue.



Giles: Right then.



(Music starts up again)



I know the reason you need that pill

It’s I



(The sound of Buffy destroying the nest of vamps as more vamps filter out from the woods)



I wish I could say the right words to stick you to this plan

Wish I could play The Slayer and poof all of the vamps

Wish I could, Slayer

But now I understand

I’m standing in the way (Giles speaks this next bit quite fast) of your recovery



They guys around you, you don’t see at all

But you know Spike’s there to take fall

So you just lie there when you should be standing tall

But I



But I wish I could lay your arms down

And let you rest on this…

Wish I could wear your clothes

But I keep dragging ass



Wish I was the Slayer

Yes I would stand up fast

But I’m pushing you again

I’m just pushing you again.



Buffy: Wear my clothes, rest on this, Spike!!!



Giles: Wow I really didn’t have control over my words. So Buffy what do you believe is the summation of that song?



Buffy: You’re a cross-dresser?



Giles: No, I don’t think, I believe that I am standing in the way of your recovery.



Buffy: Yeah, I figured it was your fault.



Giles: I’m entirely sorry.



Buffy: It’s okay, at least we know I’m not crazy.



Giles: Um… right, shall we head back?



Buffy: Sure, I don’t have the urge to kill anymore anyway.



Giles: Excellent, that’s one step closer right.



(They head back to the Magic Box)



Tara: Dawnie, I need to leave for a little while… like twenty minutes.



Dawn: What your making your own time limit? Don’t worry about me. I’m just a sixteen year old klepto, left alone in a magic store, to roam around and find things to conjure.



Tara: Okay, I’ll leave you, only if you promise not to conjure up Joyce again.



Dawn: Deal. But I can’t say I won’t try a fun energy ball or something.



Tara: Okay but nothing apocalyptic or trollific.



(She leave hurriedly. Hearing a noise Dawn looks up from a book)



Dawn: Tara! You didn’t notice anything right?



(Enter Viena)



Viena: Notice what?



Dawn: Huh! Oh! I’m Sorry but we’re closed for the day, um try back tomorrow morning.



Viena: Oh that’s cute. No one has ever kicked me out of a store before.



Dawn: I wasn’t kicking I was shooing.



Viena: Right, well I’m not here for merchandise, I’m here for the witch.



Dawn: The witch? WE don’t have any witches for sale here.



Viena: Well seeing as how this is a magic shop, I’m at least expecting the clientele to be into the Art.



Dawn: Right, Clientele, Yeah. It must be one of them. Sorry can’t help you.



Viena: So, Witch; You summon me and yet you show me no kindness.



Dawn: Summon you? I?



(Looks at Viena a moment)



Yeah! I summoned you. Does this make you my slave?



Viena: No, Quite the opposite.



Dawn: Oh! In that case I lied.



Viena: Oh bother. Well I guess I could use a hostage till I find my witch.



Dawn: A hostage? Is there a gun involved?



Viena: More like chains.



Dawn: Well if you throw in whips I’m in.



Viena: (Taken by surprise) Excuse me?



Dawn: He-heh Just kidding. Okay then let’s go before Buffy gets back.



Viena: Buffy? As in who?



Dawn: Oh! Right, my sister…. The Slayer… Vampire Killer…



Viena: Your related to her? Cool… Well your just proving to be valuable.



Dawn: Yeah, like gold.



Viena: Well, no more like silver. You do have something’s going against you.



Dawn: Like what?



Viena: Your age for one. And in my experience the sister is always left to die, but that’s mostly with princes and boys. Girls have that whole bond thing.



Dawn: Like Willow and Tara?



(Enter Hope)



Hope: Amber Benson?



Viena: Oh my God!! (Slaps forehead) Not again. Dawn, this is my follower elf, Hope. Not to be confused with Faith.



Dawn: Why would I confuse her with Faith? She’s short and has pointy ears. Faith looks nothing like that.



Hope: Excuse me I don’t mean to interrupt bonding time, but your wasting space and my immortality is going to become an issue if you two don’t shut up.



Viena: Right, Hope grab the hostage.



Hope: Right, boss. Where?



Dawn: Yeah where?



Viena: (Sighs) Doesn’t matter wherever you want to. Let’s go.



Hope: (Quietly) Sure maybe you can talk her to death.



Hope heads out the door holding onto Dawn.( Wherever she wants to) and leads her down the street. Viena walks quietly in front of them. The trip lasts a whole three seconds as they reach the Expresso Pump. (Any people who have played the game you know how funny that is)



Viena: And here we are.



Dawn: Um, this is like not even a building away from where Buffy is…



Viena: What? You wanted to be held hostage.



Dawn: Well really I just wanted to be in chains.



Viena: (quietly walking away while shaking her head) Strange girl.



(Viena steps onto the bar and kicks off a few glasses)



Viena: Alright henchmen…



Hope: (clears throat)



Viena: And hench-elves Queue my music.



Hope: (To self) Oh god! Please don’t sing. PLEASE don’t sing. Please don’t sing.



Viena: Why’d you come to stay

When you don’t know my style

I know you came to play

I can tell by the great big smile



I came from another dimension

Forced with voyeuristic intention

So do what I say

Tell me where the witch, I’ll find.



I’m not negotiating

I want to know right now

If it’s troubling (to speak)

I can show you how



Just tell me where my slave is hiding

I’ll make us coffee we’ll have a chain convention

Now I’m pushing

That’s what it’s all about



Cause I want That witch

Yeah I really want that witch, Girl



Dawn: So if I tell you, will you take me too?



Viena: (Shakes her head no)



All My strategies

Are planned out far too long

Then somebody wants to tag along

Oh those chains are old and rusty

But wouldn’t you like to go home to Buffy



(Dawn shakes her head no)



Then that’s your penalty

If you tell me wrong

She brought me here to this strange town

So when we blow this scene

Back we will go to my country and home

And there she will service me

Cause I want my witch, Girl



Dawn: No, you see

You and she

Wouldn’t be very legal



Viena: I’ll make it legal, Girl



Dawn: What I know

They’re betrothed

I don’t think they’ll agree to



Viena: I can make her leave that girl

And still have time to make her toes curl



Dawn: Curling toes

You mean O’s

Hey I’m not sure they’re used to it



Viena: Are you kidding

Or are you just playing

Or is your sister back yet from slaying



Dawn: I don’t know

It’s your show

Just look around the corner



Viena peeps around the corner



Viena: Hmmm I see a red-head, a brown-haired guy, a blonde, another blonde, and an old guy. Which one’s the witch?



Dawn: Which one isn’t?



Viena: If your lying I’ll take the chains down.



Back at the Magic Box



Buffy: Has anyone seen Dawnie?



Willow: More importantly where’s Tara?



Panic ensues as everyone runs around the Magic Box with their hands in the air, screaming at the top of their lungs. Everyone stops. Enter Tara



Tara: What is going on?



Willow: Oh Goddess! I thought something happened. I was going out of my mind.



Xander: We all were.



Anya: Quite literally.



Giles: Yes, now that that moment of psychosis is finished, let’s move on to more important matters. Where is Dawn?



Tara: What? She’s not here? I left her here, I just left her for a minute.



Buffy: Great, Dawn’s missing.



Giles: It must be Tuesday.



SMG: Um excuse me.

ASH: Yes Sarah.

SMG: That was soooooo my line.

ASH: Oh but can’t I just have one. I mean you get all the good ones and it is my birthday.

SMG: Joss!!!

JW: C’mon Sarah just give him the line. This is a re-write of the original and in the original you get the line.

NB: Yeah, besides if he didn’t say your line. It could be considered plagiarism.

Crickets chirp.

NB: Okay Xander’s the idiot. Not me…

ALL: (Sarcastic tone) Right…

NB: I hate you guys. I wanna go to my trailer. Screw you all.

AB: Aww don’t let him go. Nick come back and be stupid with us.

NB: (Wiping a tear) Okay.

SMG: Whatever let’s just hurry up and finish this while I can still sing.

AH: Actually you can’t really sing.

SMG: Shut up, Red. You don’t get a say in this matter cause neither can you.

AH: (quietly to herself) Just because I don’t doesn’t mean I can’t.

AB: That’s right you tell ‘em.

JW: Alright Sarah stop giving Alyson attitude. Action!



Buffy: Your right it is Tuesday, Giles.



Willow: Good one Giles (Looks towards Buffy in mocking state)



Buffy: So let’s go save her.



Xander: Wow Buff, don’t sound so enthused.



Buffy: Where do you think she could be Tara?



(Enter Spike)



Spike: Well I bet this could tell us.



(Pulls Hope in by earring, music swells)



Hope: NO MUSIC!



(Music stops)



Hope: (dripping sarcasm) Uh yeah, Dawn’s over at the Expresso Pump. (She points out door) Right there. Yup that’s where she’s at. Don’t hurt yourselves walking.



Buffy: Why is she there?



Hope: I don’t know she wanted some coffee and now she’s chained (speaks only to Spike) And loving it. (Back to group) She’s been taken hostage. The demands are this… We want the witch… That is all.



Buffy: Which witch.



Hope: How many do you have?



Buffy: We all perform witchcraft. Some more than others so what do you want us to do.



Hope: Well I better bring all of you then and if you sing while your walking over there I will slice you with my invisible sword that I stile from my cousin Link.



Xander: Do you mean the guy from Zelda?



Hope: Yeah, him, bastard he gets all the credit while I really rescue Zelda. He just walked around and collected a bunch of coins and played his little flute.



Tara: I realize we should go and save Dawn but this thing could kill us.



Buffy: Yeah aren’t you scheduled to die here soon anyway? I mean what’s a few weeks, you know?



Willow: (Puts a fireball into Buffy’s chest) This should warm up your heart you cruel…Faith wanna-be.



Hope: Okay, conversation is getting annoying. Can we go now?



Buffy: Hold on, we have to sing a song about Willow using that fireball. I’m gonna call it My Hearts Been Melted by the Fire.



Willow: At least it’s not walking through the fire. I wonder if Billy Joel got angry when he heard that title.



Hope: Okay Jesus Fricking Christ. Don’t you people ever Shut Up. Just walk fifteen feet and Shut Up.



Willow: Let’s go save Dawnie.



Everyone follows to the Expresso Pump.

Okay, I may be short, I May have pointy ears, I may look like a really f**cked up impersonation of Link, but damnit I deserve some respect-- Hope

[Oracle Of Magic]

Oh god, that is funny! Amazing work, really. I can't wait to see how you end it. Sorry about this being such a short feedback, I am too busy laughing to type much.



Blessed Be,

Sarah

[YunaMaClay]

Um sorry neither of us have gotten to replies... please don't kill me..... well or Viena cause then there'd be no end of story.... so thanks to every one who responded....



soluna350- Glad your enjoying. Hope you'll enjoy the end.... Just have to wait to get the revised end back



xeembiote- Interesting as in good interesting or Oh my God! interesting jk Trying to finish it.



kindagay- Okay I know Viena wants to reply to you but she'll have to do it later since she's not here.... sorry Viena.... so anyway, yes I know, when Viena first sang the song to me I was bursting out laughing and couldn't stop.... hoped people would like it Hope you also enjoy the rest of the story.



onyxsundrops- Thank you, hope the rest is just as good.



Oracle Of Magic- *sniffs* You couldn't leave a longer reply??? jk Glad you found it hilarious.... hope to impress you with the rest of the story.





Okay I promise that the end will be up soon.... should be within the next day or so. Also I am wondering if you all would be interested in more from Viena (and me slightly) ???? Just wondering

Okay, I may be short, I May have pointy ears, I may look like a really f**cked up impersonation of Link, but damnit I deserve some respect-- Hope

[Vienababe]

I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and enjoying the fic! I will finish this fic shortly and you can catch many many many more posts from me But I swear I will finish this fic Thanx!

Vienababe