Life is complicated, innit?Friends are often very hard to fathom. Some blow hot and cold - will include you when they want, seemingly ditching you when they don't. All I try to do, is treat those that I feel are my friends the same way I would like to be treated myself. I try to be there for them, be supportive, etc. Just be the best friend I can be. It isn't always (seemingly - and this is the real crux - seemingly to me, that is) reciprocated in the way that I expect, or maybe desire, but that is because we are all different. I'm a "muck in" kind of person, and not everyone wants that. Sometimes people want you to just occupy a certain role for them, and you have to decide whether that is good for you or not. Sometimes it is and sometimes not. At least with friends you get to choose: If you don't like the way someone is treating you, then back off. If you think it's worth persevering with, then do so. I have a friend, a good friend, someone I like and admire enormously, who is having something fairly major, I think, going on in his life. But he won't tell me what it is ... Yet. I'd like the opportunity to flex my supportive-friend muscles, but it's really okay if he doesn't want that. It doesn't change our friendship. I will be there if/when he wants me to be. I have other friends who, despite being people I love, etc, are not people to count on - they will be there in my life when they want to be. I wouldn't ask them, say, to help me move house. Others would come at the drop of a hat. Sometimes the processes we have to go through to understand what sort of friend someone is, is painful. Nobody can get it right all the time - and I have frequently gotten it hopelessly wrong. I try to stay phlegmatic about it all, though. Ultimately, I am resposible for losing contact - I'm sure others have had this - you might decide that after a while of being "always the one who phones/writes", etc, you decide to leave it in their ballpark, and let them contact you, for a change. Sometimes they don't. But rest assured, there will have been other people who will have gone through that process with you, too. I know I haven't been the best friend I could have been sometimes.
And sometimes your friends will come up with assesments about you that you feel is unfair. My advice would be this: If they say something that bothers you, ask them about it. See if they will talk to you about it. If they hurt your feelings, let them know they did so. Try to do it rationally, though. And don't feel that you have to change, just to please them. If your way of dealing with life is to wear different "masks", for differnt situations, whatever that means (personally, I think psychological terms can be horribly damaging, and try to avoid them like the plague), then that is your choice. Don't ever forget you are an individual, with your own set of qualities that makes you who you are. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. If you like something about yourself, then don't.
The fact that you are troubled by this, shows that you are sensitive. Which means that you will be more likely to be hurt than an insensitive person, obviously, but you will also have more to give, and there will be those who will learn that about you, and treat you accordingly.
This probably hasn't been of any help whatsoever. The well-meaning babbler strikes again. So, I paraphrase:
Keep your chin up, kiddo, and things will invariably work out. If they don't, chances are it will be for the best, anyway. And don't forget: We kitties are always here to lend a supportive ear, and offer (in my case) a rambled, incoherent set of sentences that are supposed to be sagely.
Luke.
P.S. I'd listen to everyone else on this thread, if I were you I'll just send my hugs and go on my way.
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I am the sunlight on the sides of houses.
