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Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

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Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby tommo » Tue Dec 11, 2001 10:54 pm

It came upon the midnight clear...that an angel visited me and told me that I had to post a new challenge. Although you know, I had overdosed on Cheetos, so it could just as well have been Deb telling me to 'stop bloody snoring'...

So here it is, the Christmassy Fic Challenge. In these uncertain times we're going through, I thought we might need a bit of a pick-me-up. Or a put-me-down. Or even a hold-me-up-against-the-wall-and-do-unspeakable-things-to-me-with-a-feather...

Ahem.

Kittens, your challenge is clear. All you have to do is rewrite the Christmas Song The Twelve Days of Christmas in Buffy 'stylee'. This can involve characters and/or ideas from the show. But you know, we'd obviously like it with a Willow/Tara twist to it, naturally.

For those of you who are scratching their heads and going 'huh?', here is a source of inspiration. Warning - this site has a truly frightening musical accompaniment. Watch out for the bagpipes, is all I'm saying... *shudder*

Origins of the Twelve Days of Christmas

And the lyrics themselves, just as a reminder:

On the (first) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (second) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (third) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (fourth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (fifth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (sixth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (seventh) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (eighth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (ninth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Nine ladies waiting
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (tenth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies waiting
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (eleventh) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies waiting
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree

On the (twelveth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies waiting
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

And there, as they say, you have it. Good luck. And Merry Christmas...HO HO friggin' HO...

------------------
"You evil bitch troll from hell!" ~ Patsy Stone

tommo
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby tommo » Wed Dec 12, 2001 12:28 am

Double posting, tch tch...here's hoping I get properly spanked by a mod.

Anyway, here's my effort. I say effort in that it really is naff. But I just wanted to get the ball rolling, so to speak. Where it rolls to I don't really give a crap.

Title:The 12 Wiccan Days of Christmas
Disclaimer: Joss, blah blah, Mutant Enemy, blah blah...I own nothing but a really well developed sense of bitterness...
Rating: Well it's pretty much NC-17, given your understanding of certain metaphors in the show. Ahem.
Props: To Julia. Oh yes. Get the lube out.

***

On the first day of Christmas
My afternoon was free
So I spread right out beneath my Willow tree

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two sassy eggs
So I spread right out beneath my Willow tree

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three tummy rubbings
Two sassy eggs
And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Six crystals humming (at least, I think they were crystals, I mean, they were long and hard…)
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread my legs for my Willow tree

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Seven singing solos
Six crystals humming
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread ‘em wide right under Willow tree

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight floating dances
Seven singing solos
Six crystals humming
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread my legs for my Willow tree

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Nine naughty witch looks
Eight floating dances
Seven singing solos
Six crystals humming
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I just spread wide beneath my Willow tree

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Ten VampWillow neck slurps
Nine naughty witch looks
Eight floating dances
Seven singing solos
Six crystals humming
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I spread out wide beneath my Willow tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eleven biker outfits (and she made me wear them…)
Ten VampWillow neck slurps
Nine naughty witch looks
Eight floating dances
Seven singing solos
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And I levitated up to Willow tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve tempting smutfics
Eleven biker outfits
Ten VampWillow neck slurps
Nine naughty witch looks
Eight floating dances
Seven singing solos
Six crystals humming
Five flaming o’s
Four Willowhands
Three tummy rubs
Two sassy eggs
And Willow’s head fell in between my knees


Merry bloomin' Christmas.

------------------
"You evil bitch troll from hell!" ~ Patsy Stone

tommo
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Wiccagrrl » Wed Dec 12, 2001 12:45 am

Ok, I'll give it a try... I'll just skip to the last verse.

On the (twelveth) day of christmas
my true love gave to me
Twelve Slayers Slaying
Eleven Watchers Watching
Ten roses floating
Nine Scoobs patroling
Eight vamps a-vamping
Seven O's a-flaming
Six Dawns a-dancing
Five Claddagh Rings...
Four wooden stakes
Three nerdy villains
Two sexy witches and
Miss Kitty climbing a pear tree

Wiccagrrl
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Dumbsaint » Wed Dec 12, 2001 1:06 am

*claps her hands and giggles like the huge dork she is*

Heeheehee. I so dig this thread. Eagerly awaiting the silly fic goodness.

------------------
Shiver me timberless.

Dumbsaint
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby TrueXena » Wed Dec 12, 2001 2:29 am

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Six All The Way's (or do hookers call them 'Round the World's' now?)
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Seven Musical's, With Feeling
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight Tabula Rasa's (clean slates are cool to draw pictures on)
Seven Musical's
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Nine Smashed up Slayer's
Eight Clean Slates
Seven Musical's
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Ten Wrecked Witches
Nine Smashed up Slayer's
Eight Clean Slates
Seven Musical's
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eleven Make-up Sex, sex scenes
Ten Wrecked Witches
Nine Smashed up Slayer's
Eight Clean Slates
Seven Musical's
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

On the twelveth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve Future episodes to follow
Eleven Makeup Sex, sex scenes
Ten Wrecked Witches
Nine Smashed up Slayer's
Eight Clean Slates
Seven Musical's
Six All The Way's
Five Life Serial Boxes
Four Flooded Basements
Three After Life's
Two Bargaining Eps
And a vamp slayed with a pear tree

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Happy Holiday's Kittens!

------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena

"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay."

[This message has been edited by TrueXena (edited December 12, 2001).]

TrueXena
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby nika » Wed Dec 12, 2001 4:43 am

Early morning giggles, thanks kittens.

------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson

nika
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby TrueXena » Wed Dec 12, 2001 5:18 am

Ok so I already posted a Twelve Days of Christmas thingy for the challenge. BUT I'm not about to start a whole new thread for this silly little piece of fluff either. So here ya go.....

Twas the night before Buffy and all through our house,
not a creature was stirring, except Amy (who is a rat, but I think of her as a mouse).
Wooden stakes were carved with such care;
cross shaped cookies lay cooling on some ovenware.
The kids were all nestled, all snug in their beds,
musical posters hung on the wall by their heads.
And Mom in her VampWillow leathers and I in my Xandman best,
had just settled down for a peaceful night's rest.
When out in the yard there arose such a sound,
I sprang up from my bed, stumbled over the chair,
and landed at the window with a crashing bound!
And what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But an army of vamps - I drew back in fear!
They filled up my yard ... every cranny and nook,
all with their fangs and raised bumpy head look,
They proceeded to wryly voice their collective disfavor
of my family's Tuesday night romps with the slayer!
I shook in my boots ... I took a step back,
knocked over our "Buffy Lives" snow globes and let out an AAACK!!!
I paused and I focused, then with an arched brow,
smugly thought, "I think I know just what to do now."
"DUST THEM ALL!!!!" I screamed as I ran down the hall,
my family, god love 'em ... they answered my call!
We grabbed our blessed water guns, and our crossbows on slings;
we picked up our crosses and many wooden pointy things.
Through the front door we stormed with our best Buffy Puns,
(not that we can do them as well as she, but we had so much fun).
In no time at all we had 'em defeated,
we herded 'em indoors and had 'em all seated.
Tied 'em up in front of the set... so they couldn't roam far,
then pushed the play button on our VCR.
And after a few eps. they began to clearly see;
they'd been blindly judging both Buffy and my family.
They begged forgiveness and asked if they
could stay for all of Buffy Day!
As we untied them- we said "Of course you can stay!
But you'll have to keep your bumpy heads and fangs at bay!"
And they were heard to exclaim as we turned out the light:
"Happy Tuesday to all, and to all a good Buffy night"

------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena

"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay."

TrueXena
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby tyche » Wed Dec 12, 2001 5:21 am

Wrote this really quickly, so apologies if it doesn’t quite scan.

On the first day of Xmas my true love sent to me
One kitten playing naughtily

On the second day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Two candles, extra flamey

On the third day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Three banners pinned up by Riley

On the fourth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Four balls of sunshine, glinting merrily

On the fifth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Five trolls conjured accidentally

On the sixth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Six flaming O spells breathing heavily

On the seventh day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Seven dolls’ eye crystals sparkling prettily

On the eighth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Eight relatives sent running quickly

On the ninth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Nine WillowBots spanking happily

On the tenth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Ten Taras smiling happily

On the eleventh day of Xmas my true love sent to me
Eleven Gileses grinning flusteredly

On the twelfth day of Xmas my true love sent to me
All of us beneath our Willow tree


11 Gileses grining
10 Taras smiling
9 Willowbots spanking
8 relatives running
7 crystals sparkling
6 Flaming O spells
5 conjured trolls
4 balls of sunshine
3 Riley banners
2 flamey candles
.. and a kitten playing naughtily

------------------
Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and BEAT SEAN CONNERY OVER THE HEAD WITH IT!!

tyche
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Puff » Wed Dec 12, 2001 10:02 am

LOL great challenge Ruth And TX the night before Christmas was just inspired.

------------------
Bloody hell, sodding, limey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...oh God...I'm English

Puff
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Rane » Wed Dec 12, 2001 11:29 am

hee-frickin-larious!
Rane
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby The Rose » Wed Dec 12, 2001 6:25 pm

LOLROF!!!!

------------------
Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.

Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Tara: Nobody messes with my girl!

The Rose
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby tommo » Wed Dec 12, 2001 6:33 pm

Excellent answers to the challenge folks! It's serving to lift my spirits somewhat. And I'm sensing a definite 'blue' mood on the board right now. Perhaps we'll have another fun challenge next time. I will try to think of a suitable one.

------------------
"You evil bitch troll from hell!" ~ Patsy Stone

tommo
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby wiltar4evr » Fri Dec 14, 2001 10:44 pm

Wow, all of these are great. I wish I could add one but I totally suck when it comes to the written word.

TrueXena, I sooooo totally love your BtVS twist on Twas the Night Before Christmas.

------------------
"Life and death, energy and peace...If I stopped today, it was still worth it. The mistakes that I have made, and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul...It was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked. Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it and above."

-from the journal of Gia Marie Carangi

wiltar4evr
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby GridMonkey » Thu Dec 20, 2001 10:13 am

Here's my contibution, but I chose a different song:

Joss rest ye merry, Sunnydale
But only during day
For Buff our nightly savior with Spike is getting laid
To save the town perhaps a witch could cast a spell-oh wait
They're busy with Willowhand which makes Tara sing
So busy that they can't do a thing

------------------
I am a monkey and monkey's are not afraid.

GridMonkey
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby tommo » Thu Dec 20, 2001 12:07 pm

I couldn't help it. I'm feeling festive. Or something. Anyway, I like Christmas Carols and I only wish I could sing this one...heh. Naturally.

O Come, Lesbo Street Cred

O come, Lesbo Street Cred, come and touch my crystals,
Oh come ye, O come ye to Sunnydale;
Come and stake vampires, watch the naughty witches;
O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell and float more than pencils.

LevitatingTara, spread for Willow tree
Lo, she abhors not the Willowhand;
very good, not magically created:
O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s spell and go downtown…

Sing, Tara girl, sing in ecstasy,
sing, all ye citizens of Sunnydale;
Glory is gone: Tara’s got her brain back
O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell, and make a flaming o.

See how the Scoobies summoned to Giles’ shop,
wonder when Tara’s going to be on top;
we too will thither lend our joyful fanfic;
O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell and hit top ‘C’.

Yea, Joss, we greet thee, please don’t give us angst;
Rebecca, to thee be glory given;
word of the Joss-man, nude lesbo flesh appearing:
O come, let’s do a spell, o come let’s do a spell, o come let’s do a spell and write more smut.

------------------
"Bitter, party of one. Bitter, party of one." she muttered... ~ Four Months After by Capt. Murdock

tommo
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby xita » Thu Dec 20, 2001 12:30 pm

*applause, encore, encore...

wonderfully naughty and funny ruth, he..

xita
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Pixie-Muso » Thu Dec 20, 2001 5:43 pm

GridMonkey, Ruth... those were fantastic!

------------------
"...the hardest thing in this world is to live in it..."
~Buffy, The Gift.

Pixie-Muso
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby Puff » Thu Dec 20, 2001 8:24 pm

Wonderful Ruth, just brilliant

------------------
Bloody hell, sodding, limey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...oh God...I'm English

Puff
 


Christmassy type Challenge Fic - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells,

Postby GiftofAmber » Sun Dec 23, 2001 12:53 am

On the first night of Buffy,
My Willow gave to me:

A spell to de-rat Amy,
Two Buffy bots,
Three Troll Gods,
Four scanned demons,
"Spike's washboard abs",
Six Hacked Computers
Seven Bedtime Stories
Eight Urns off Ebay
Nine Floating Tara's
Ten Broadway nightmares
Eleven Computer Subs
Twelve "Hello, Gay now"s.

Ok, I had way too much fun with this.

GiftofAmber
 


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