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FIC: Four Months After

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FIC: Four Months After

Postby CaptMurdock » Sun Jan 20, 2002 11:13 am

Sorry this update took so long, especially after that "cliffhanger." Ooops.

This is the end of this particular chapter.

***********

Four Months After, Part 10

Darkness.

Am I dead? Probably not. I don't think you have headaches when you're dead…unless you're Spike. And I bet even he doesn't have to go to the bathroom… Okay, not dead. Let's hope this is a good thing.

Why is it so dark? Willow Rosenberg wondered, trying to remember how she got to this place. As more of her senses came online, she felt she was lying down on a soft yet firm surface. Am I in bed? Feels like it. Hmmm…doesn't feel like I'm wearing a great deal, either. Ooooh, erotic naughty dream? Usually, they're a lot more visual than this.

Footsteps off her left, sounding like two people coming up a flight of stairs and down a carpeted hall. The creak of a chair about two yards across from her signaled that someone was getting up to greet the Makers O'Footsteps.

"I got your page, when I was picking up— Oh my God!" Buffy, sounding a little panicked. Okay, she can see, I guess, so I'm not in some dark dimension, probably.

"N-no, it's okay, sh-she's just sleeping." That was Tara, judging by the direction, the one who had just gotten up out of the chair. [I]Was she watching over me? What a sweetie…

"'Okay?' Apparently, this is the 'comas are fun' definition of 'okay'!" Oh, I know this song: Slayer, Thy Name is Pissed.

"I thought you said that ritual was supposed to help her!" Dawn's voice now, quavering with fear.

"It was, Dawnie," Tara replied, patiently if a little bit defensive. "The point was for Willow to find out the causes of her addiction and use that to help her physical recovery. I – I mean, we, the other Wiccas and I – didn't realize how traumatic it was going to be."

Buffy audibly huffed, making Willow almost smile. She repressed the smile just in time, so that her friends wouldn't know she was awake. Hee-hee-hee. I'm so bad.

"Why didn't you take her to the hospital?" Buffy asked pointedly.

"I was going to, at f-first," Tara replied, "'specially 'cause I had trouble finding her pulse—"

"What?!?" Both sisters near-shrieked. Hey, stereo!

"No, no, it's okay, that was my bad. My hands were shaking so hard, I couldn't find the pulse points." Audible sighs of cautious relief. "I was still a little worried when we c-couldn't wake her up, but, uh, she started, um, murmuring." Small chuckle as full stop.

"Hunh?" Slayer Confusion Call.

"She always murmurs when she sleeps. You should hear her when she…" Pregnant pause. "…stops explaining things." So-so on the dismount, and that will affect her score…

"Uh-hunh." And this, children, is the sound of a Slayer going to Scary Visual Place.

Well, I've had my fun…time to join the world. "Y'know, it's not nice to talk about someone who's feigning unconsciousness and shamelessly eavesdropping," Willow said, opening her eyes to three very relieved young women. The youngest of the three pounced on her, drawing her into a tight embrace and making her emit a "Wooff!" sound.

"Dawn!" Tara said, covering a smile with great difficulty. "D-don’t break 'er!" Willow noticed that she had changed into a pullover and beaded jeans.

"Yeah, Dawn, don't break her. Let me do that!" Buffy stepped forward and grabbed the front of the robe in one fist, drawing Willow up from the bed, while her other fist was cocked back prefatory to beating the snot out of the hacker. "Give me one good reason not to hit you so hard that you'll wake up on the Enterprise!"

"Hey! Watch the robe!" Willow yelped. "I'm 'clothing-deprived' under this thing, okay?"

"Nope, not a good enough reason!" Buffy pulled Willow up higher, the better to send her to Coma Land. "Say g'night, Gracie!"

"Buffy!" Dawn protested, certain now that Buffy was not kidding. Willow gulped.

Tara placed her hand over Buffy's fist, as if her mere mortal strength could restrain the Slayer in Full Pissed-Off Mode. "Enough, Buffy."

Light as the words were in tone, there was enough emotion behind them for Buffy to see past her ire and fear. Tara's calming influence overrode her impulse to hit Willow (not that it needed much, as she really didn't want to hurt her friend.) The Slayer relaxed her grip, then looked at Willow soberly. "Y'know, I really wish you would do stuff like almost getting yourself k-killed…you…" At this point Buffy's self-control broke down completely and she collapsed sobbing into Willow's chest. The red-head, startled, wrapped her arms around her friend. Tara kneeled beside the bed and stroked Buffy's head. The Slayer raised her head, sniffled, and cried "You stupid bitch!" before falling back down.

Willow jumped a little at the outburst. She looked at an equally startled Tara. Dawn was getting upset at the histrionics herself. "Buffy…I'm okay—" Willow began.

"Yeah, well, Mom was 'okay' after her operation, and the next thing ya know, I find her on the couch staring at the ceiling!" Buffy shrieked. Across from her, Dawn blanched and gulped, tears spilling out of her eyes. Buffy noticed, contrite. "Oh! Dawnie, I'm sorry!" Her little sister nodded, so Buffy wrapped an arm around her and drew her into her and Willow, who also hugged her.

Tara hung back, looking at the three women she loved most in the entire world. For months she had prayed for this reunion scene, and it should have made her happy…

"What are you waiting for, Maclay: an eVite?" said Buffy. Tara smiled and moved over to encircle the three with her arms, as they shifted to accommodate her. Buffy made sure Tara was embraced, then murmured to Willow, "I, I just got you back, Will. I can't lose you."

"Me neither," whispered Dawn.

"I-I-I'm kinda attached to you, m-myself," added Tara. Dawn and Buffy chuckled at what they saw as a massive understatement. Willow, however, did not, but said nothing.

Buffy raised her head from where it had been resting on Willow's chest. "You really are naked under there, aren't you?" she said, a lascivious grin breaking through the tears on her face.

Tara blushed from scalp to neck, at least. "B-B-Buffy…" she stammered.

"Yeah, really!" Dawn added, backing away. "I mean, little kids here, don't need to hear that kinda talk!"

Buffy couldn't resist. "'Little kids?' What happened to 'old enough to drive?'" All four women laughed then. She then turned back to Willow. "Okay, recrimination time over, now for debriefing. What the hell happened?"

"Oh, Buffy, it was intense. A whole 'journey to the center of your mind' thing."

"Oh God, another one of those. Go on."

"Well, not to sound all Wizard of Oz, but you were there, and Xander and Giles, and Oz – guitar werewolf Oz, not the Wizard – oh! And Cordelia! It was like this whole high school flashback, only –"

Buffy prompted, "What?" when the Willowbabble didn't continue. Willow looked pensive, as if wondering if this was the best time to broach a particular subject. "C'mon, Will, talk to me."

"I, I guess I've always wondered, how you felt about me, I mean, now yes, you do like me, but at first, when we met, I always wondered why, 'why is she hanging around me, or more to the point, why is letting me hang around her.' I mean, was it just because I was great with helping out schoolwork, or was it the hacker stuff I did for you as the Slayer…"

Unnoticed by Buffy or Willow, Tara motioned to Dawn, that they should leave and let the other two discuss this particular knotty topic. Dawn looked for a moment as though to protest, then gave in and, as quietly as she could, slipped off the bed and exited the room with Tara.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Buffy said, calling a halt to the soliloquy. "I thought we covered this. That first day, I was pretty clear, I thought, when I asked you help me with catching up with my schoolwork, I thought I was pretty up-front about it, and as I recall, you weren't that reluctant to get in good with the new girl!"

"Yeah, well, here you are, first day at new school, already cozying up to Cordelia, Xander's chasing after you, his tongue dragging along the ground…"

"Like that was a new occurrence!"

"…and there you are doing charity, a Good Deed, by spending time with the class nerd! Face it, Buffy, you felt sorry about Cordelia dissed me in front of you!"

Buffy's face tightened, but she did not shy. She blinked back tears, then stared at Willow and said in a calm tone. "I could say the same about you, Willow. Would you have been my friend if I wasn't the Slayer? If I was just sailing along, no super-powers, no mission, just going through life as the newest Cordette, probably only seeing you on the sly at the library to have you help me through geometry?

"You jumped at the chance to play Slayerette because it took you away from yourself, from your so-called 'pitiful' life. You so wanted to live vicariously through me, be Little Miss Kick-Ass, that you never stopped to consider that maybe I wanted to live vicariously through you! And-and have no bigger worry than getting a date for the prom!" Buffy folded her arms and looked away from Willow.

Willow hung her down, in unconscious imitation of Tara. "I'm sorry. I'm a bad friend."

Buffy suddenly lunged forward, taking Willow by the arms and drawing her up. "No, you're a good friend! Don’t you get that! After all the shit we've been through… You've kept me going when I had no reason to. You listened to me whine about my stupid destiny and my lousy relationships for five years, you brought me back from the brink of insanity, you brought me back from…" She broke off as sobs threatened to choke her. "God, can't you see what a wonderful person you are? Huh? I didn't just need to watch my back, I needed you just to be there for me! You're my best friend! I love you!"

"I know!" Willow cried back. "I just couldn't accept it for so long! Maybe now, I, I can try, I dunno." She collapsed sobbing into Buffy's arms, while the Slayer herself cried as she held her friend and rocked back and forth on the bed.

As the sun went down, the shadows enfolded them.

**********

Two hours later, they had discussed a slew of topics relating to their friendship. While there had been some tears, the recriminations were mostly gone. In the end, Willow felt better about Buffy, and herself than she had in a long time, probably ever.

They lay on their sides on the big bed, as they had often done in high school at sleepovers. At one point they had closed their eyes, drifting off but not really going to sleep, secure in each other's company.

Buffy roused herself first. In full night, the room was dark. She sat up and turned on the lamp beside the bed. Willow blinked and sat up.

"How ya' feeling?" Buffy asked.

"Tired. Hungry. Like my head just had a spring cleaning, much overdue. You?"

"Definitely hungry. I can hear them moving downstairs, in the kitchen. I hope they're making dinner." She saw Willow grin at her, and something clicked in Buffy's mind. When Willow turned to find some clothes to put on, Buffy stopped her. "Do that again. I mean, smile.:

Bewildered, Willow nonetheless complied. The result made Buffy's eyes go wide. "Willow, your face!" The hacker drew her hands over both sides of her face, feeling for numb spots…and finding none. She opened her eyes wide and closed them rapidly, testing to see if…

Buffy leapt off the bed and opened the bedroom door. "Tara! Dawn!"

The witch and the teenager thundered up the stairs, to find Willow standing unsupported, walking unassisted if a little unsteadily. "Look at me! Tiny Tim walks again! God bless us, everyone!" She suddenly wavered, making Buffy rush over and catch her. "Whooops! Muscles not used to this. Back to the physical therapy torture mill for me. But look!" She waggled the fingers of her left hand. "I could play the piano again…that is, if I had ever learned how."

Tara went to Willow, smiling. "This is wonderful!"

"But how?" Dawn asked, smiling but overwhelmed.

"The-the ritual!" Buffy exclaimed. "You did some mojo-jojo that fixed all the damage from the stroke!"

Tara blinked. "We didn't do any 'mojo.' Willow did. Not so much with 'mojo-jojo – and would you please stop calling it that – but by confronting a lot of the issues that she had in her subconscious –"

"Oh, who cares, Spock?" Willow cried exuberantly. "I'm cured!"

Tara's expression changed abruptly, so much so that Willow, Buffy and Dawn stopped celebrating. The blonde witch asked, deadpan, "Does this mean you're back to liking boys?"

Buffy and Dawn looked at Willow, as if wondering themselves. The redhead was about to protest the contrary when Tara's poker face broke into giggles. This made Willow laugh as she got the joke. The sisters shrugged in confusion, but decided that it didn't matter.

As the two former lovers embraced one another, Buffy and Dawn smiled at one another.

Ten months after.


------------------
"Good God, that's a lot of shake!"

[This message has been edited by CaptMurdock (edited January 20, 2002).]

CaptMurdock
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby aladdin » Sun Jan 20, 2002 11:43 am

Captain, this was a great, great, great update and a wonderful read and really touching, lovely and just excellent.

You rock!

aladdin
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby xita » Sun Jan 20, 2002 12:42 pm

Oh yeah this part rocked, Willow finally healing, now our girls need to make up
xita
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Willow Rocks » Sun Jan 20, 2002 1:21 pm

Great and defently worth the wait
Willow Rocks
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby emily 'first' » Sun Jan 20, 2002 1:40 pm

Lovely...

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vive,valeque.

emily 'first'
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Puff » Sun Jan 20, 2002 4:58 pm

Great update Captain it's great to see Willow better and I am looking forward to the next part. There will be smoochies in the next part won't there?

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Bloody hell, sodding, limey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...oh God...I'm English

Puff
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Pixie » Sun Jan 20, 2002 5:17 pm

*sniff, sigh* Thanks Capt.
Pixie
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby nika » Sun Jan 20, 2002 11:06 pm

great update thanks capt!
nika
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Lonewolf » Mon Jan 21, 2002 12:14 am

CaptMurdock: Great update, the line about Willow being cured was hilarious, can't wait to read more.

Lonewolf

Lonewolf
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby CaptMurdock » Tue Jan 29, 2002 1:15 am

Here it is, gang. The finale. The Last Waltz. The Last Shout. "This is the end, my only friends, the end." I appreciate your patience in getting this far. Love you all.

*********

Four Months After
Part 11

"So what are ya bringin'," Buffy asked, aiming a kick in Willow's direction, "besides your White Man's Guilt?"

Willow blocked the kick, which had been executed with a fraction of the Slayer's strength, and set herself to retaliate with a right jab at Buffy's head. The padded boxing glove she wore connected, but only because Buffy let her get the shot in. The point was not about winning the match, it was to teach Willow how to defend herself. Besides, she had hardly needed to hold back from avoiding the hit; Willow was getting good.

In the last couple of months, Willow had not only completed her physical therapy, giving her the physical capabilities that she had possessed before her stroke, but had gone on to build up the muscles in ways she had never done before, lifting weights at the therapy center and in the Magic Box's small but complete training area. As much as she had joked about it ("Ah'm heah do pump," CLAP! "yuh up!" she'd quip in an atrocious Austrian accent) Willow was in better shape than she had ever been in her life.

She had rejoined the Scooby Gang's nightly patrols and occasional free-for-alls, including one the previous week, in the middle of one of the forests surrounding Sunnydale, against a gang of "militia" vampires who had read a few too many Tom Clancy books. One of them had inspired to outfit himself and several of his fellows with Kevlar "stake-proof" vests. This idea had come up craps against Xander's Teflon-coated crossbow bolts. Interestingly, the Kevlar had remained behind while the vampires disintegrated, which Xander referred to as a perfect "Duck Dodgers" gag. No one laughed.

Buffy and Spike did their usual dance numbers amongst the undead, of course, when they weren't bickering like an old married couple. Willow, true to her promise not to use magic anymore, had outfitted herself with a taser-blaster salvaged from the Initiative by Xander and repaired and upgraded with equipment they had confiscated from Warren. However, she had asked Buffy to teach her some kickboxing, so that if the blaster failed, she would have some combat skills to fall back on, at least long enough for someone else to come to the rescue.

Tara usually stayed out of the rough stuff, but occasionally functioned fairly well as Mop-Up Girl. Three of the "militia" had decided on a hasty retreat, only to run smack into the blonde witch. The leader had smiled toothily and muttered something about a combination hostage/midnight snack.

Tara didn't respond to the threat verbally. Instead, she had taken a curiously-carved stick out of her pocket and, muttering a few arcane words, plunged it into the ground in front of her. The leader barely had time to sneer, "That's not the way it works, you stupid b—" before a branch from one of the surrounding trees had impaled him through the chest. His two compatriots had met similar fates as the trees, responding to Tara's supplication, had rid the forest of the undead.

Willow had come up then, giving Tara a smile at the neat job as the rest of the Scoobies gathered from their scattered positions in the forest…

WHAPP! The next thing Willow knew, she was on her back, staring at the ceiling of the training room, wondering if Xander was ever going to fix the leaky ceiling. Then Buffy was leaning over her. "Will?"

"Uh, sorry, Mom, I thought it was Saturday," Willow managed weakly. She shook her head woozily and sat up. "Oh! Hi there, uh, Buffy. Lookin' mighty tall you are, from here, I mean…"

The Slayer sighed and reached out a hand to help Willow up. "You cannot get all spacey like that in a real fight, Will. Spacey equals dead. Unless it's Kevin Spacey," she added, smiling, "which equals yummy older man."

Willow grinned, letting Buffy steady her on her feet until her balance came back. "Yeah, I've heard that about you…"

"Why, I oughtta…!" Buffy warned in her best Moe Howard voice, drawing a fist back to punch Willow. The redhead back up in mock horror, making little squeaks and funny faces in acquiescence. Truce in place, the two of them sat down on the nearest bench and began stripping off their boxing gloves. "Seriously, you okay?" Buffy asked.

"I'm fine, Buff," replied Willow, blowing out her breath. "I was getting a little tired anyway. Keeping up with you is no picnic, what with your Slayer-endurance. You're hardly even sweating!"

"Not for such minimal…uh, well…" Buffy knew she'd put her foot into this time.

"S'okay. I know I'm not Superwoman here." Willow picked up her towel and began mopping her forehead of sweat.

In an effort to change the subject, Buffy said, "You never answered my question, y'know, 'bout what you're bringing to Thanksgiving."

"Oh! Right. Probably just some pumpkin pie. And I promise to leave my 'European culture destroyer' angst at home this year."

"Thank you very much." Pause. "You know Tara's gonna be there."

"Well, of course she is! I mean, this whole soiree is part Turkey Day, part Tara's belated birthday bash. Especially since last year, we kinda blew it off, being in the middle of singing demons, general amnesia spells and, I dunno, breaking up."

"Uh huh." Buffy knew she was treading on uncertain, if not dangerous, ground. "Is that what you were thinking about when I bopped you one? What happened last week?"

Willow started, just as she had done years ago whenever someone had caught her out. "No! It's nothing like tha—Oh, why bother? Yes, it's what happened last week, okay, Jessica Fletcher?"

Willow had come up then, giving Tara a smile at the neat job as the rest of the Scoobies gathered from their scattered positions in the forest. Smiling, she went take Tara's hand…only to have the blonde witch pull back.

Pull back.

After a second of substantial awkwardness, Tara smiled and clasped Willow's outstretched hand around her wrist. A comradely gesture.

But not one of love.

"I think you're reading too much into it, Will," Buffy said, trying to console her even as she remembered the event and interpreted Tara's response the same way.

Willow shook her head. "No, I don't think I am. I mean, yeah, usually, I'm Miss Read-Between-The-Lines Gal, even when the lines are so close together that a mouse would get cramps writing that small, and you'd need Coke-bottle glasses to read it and end up getting a headache because the print is so blurry and speaking of headaches I'm about to give myself one so, I think I'll shut up now."

"Breathe, Will. Look, okay, she's still a little jumpy around you," Buffy said, sympathetically. "Give her a little time."

"Time?" Willow said, looking over at Buffy, who noticed that her expression was more confused and hurt than angry. "She's had nothing but time to figure out if she wants to get back together with me. It's been a whole year. Okay, four months of that, I was off on my bender, not a good interregnum. But the rest of the time, I thought we were getting closer together."

"Me, too. I mean, I know she missed you when you were gone. Okay, after her blow-up at the hospital, she kinda played it cool, but I could tell she wanted to make up with you. And then that whole scene at the physical therapists – oh, my god, I still get…choked up when I think about that. She really cares about you, Will."

"Yeah…'cares about'. Like, you 'care about' global warming, or 'care about' a stray cat you found in the alley. Okay, maybe she does more the 'care about' a friend than the stray cat or global warming scenarios, but…" Willow took a breath, and the resignation in her voice nearly broke Buffy's heart. "She doesn't love me anymore. Not like she used to."

Buffy had to blink back tears before she could answer her friend. "Will, I think you're wrong on this. Maybe, maybe you need to talk to Tara. Please, Will, give her a chance. Give yourself a chance. I know the two of you can make things right."

"I don't know," Willow said uncertainly. Her thoughts were in turmoil, unsure if she was truly ready to face life without Tara. The blonde occupied her thoughts as much as she did when they first met, years ago. We were both different people then, Willow thought. We changed one another. Or maybe she changed for the better…and I didn't. She tried to tell me what I was doing wrong, and I wouldn't listen. It took me hitting bottom for me to see what was wrong with me, and to start being a better person. How can I even look her in the eye after what I did to her…twice? Especially when that first time, I haven't even put her memory right. She still doesn’t truly know what I did.

Maybe it's time she found out.

"Can we drive over to your house?" Willow asked Buffy. "I need a shower stat, or I'm going to suffer the heartbreak of stinkiness."

"Sure. That's one thing Xander hasn't gotten around to building back here."

Willow nodded as she grabbed her bag. "Well, if he ever does, I wouldn't trust any mirrors that he puts in to not be the two-way kind."

Buffy nodded sagely. "Lead him not into temptation, for he can find it all by his little self."

***********************

Tara rode shotgun in the Xandermobile while the construction worker and part-time Scoobie drove, with Dawn in the back. She had been pleasantly surprised when Xander offered her a ride home, "so long as you don't mind we pick up the Dawnster." Tara agreed enthusiastically, as she was well aware of Dawn's propensity for unauthorized "extra-curricular" activities. The teenager sat sulking in the back while Tara and Xander, having given up drawing her out in conversation, chatted amiably between themselves.

As they pulled up Rivello Drive, Xander parked in front of the Summers house. The SUV was already in the driveway. "Dawn," Xander asked, "why don’t you go on in? Tara and I will be right behind you."

Dawn made an annoyed sound, which surprised no one. "What? Are you guys talking about something, something you don't want me to hear? Gosh, what else is new in my life? This just in: Sky is blue, Pope is Catholic!" She crossed her arms and looked defiant.

Xander looked over his shoulder and smiled, setting the infamous Harris Charm ™ on maximum. "Please?" he said, cheesy grin in place.

The teenager rolled her eyes, grabbed her bookbag and slid over to the passenger side rear door, muttering something about never getting any free time at school and getting excluded out of everything good at home and other uncomplimentary remarks. Then she was out and walking towards the house, backpack on shoulder, tension in her spine.

"Hooookay," Xander began, while Tara turned to him, perplexed. "First, let me say that you have the right to remain silent. Second, you have the right to tell me to shut my biscuit-trap at any time during this conversation. Third, anything you say cannot and will not be used against you in a Court of Willow Rosenberg; i.e. if you want, it dies with me. Okay?" Tara stood mute, but nodded her head. "Right. Now, I may not be the objective observer here, having known Willow since we were in footie-pyjamas together, but I think you're being a little hard on her."

"Wh-What d'ya mean?" Tara replied, diffidently.

"I mean, yeah, what she did to you was wrong-wrong-wrong. No question. But you know, we all screw up sometimes – me, Buffy, Anya, Giles. You yourself, as I recall, cast a see-no-demon spell when your family—"

Tara turned on him, the expression of anger on her face startling him because of its rarity, like rain in a desert. "I was wondering when you were going to throw that in my face! I was, I was afraid that you would see what I really was, I mean, what I thought I – what my family always told me I was!" Tara swallowed, then continued more calmly. "What I-I-I did, it, it was sur-survival."

"Yeah, okay, I get that. You still endangered us. You could have come to us any time before and –"

"And what? Just told you? 'Oh, by the way, I'm part demon. Hey, Willow, you've been making love to someone who's not even human!' Can you even see that?"

"What, you two making love? Well, I've imagined it many a time…oh, you mean, you telling us you were part demon, heh heh. Hey, after five years on a Hellmouth, nothing sounds strange."

Tara eyed him suspiciously. "So, you're completely honest with B-Buffy and Willow at all times? There's not anything th-that they don't know about, right?"

A memory intruded on Xander's consciousness like a brick through safety glass:

"Willow told me to tell you…kick his ass."

Xander shoved that memory away, like an errant tennis racket in a jumbled bedroom closet. "Awright, not the point I'm trying to make here, Tara. I'm trying to say, maybe you and Willow can put this behind you. I've known Will a long time, and I've never seen her happier than when she was with you. Not even when she was with Oz, and he was pretty much the nicest guy she could've fallen in love with."

"That's all good," Tara said quietly, "but it doesn't explain why she betrayed my trust like that. I let her into my heart, and it wasn't enough. I bared my soul to her, and it wasn't enough. I gave her my body, and it wasn't enough. If she loved me as much as you say she did, how could she…" Tara turned away from him, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling down her face. "You don't do that to someone you love!" she cried, her voice breaking.

"No, no, you don't, you're right, Tara," Xander conceded. He took a deep breath; what he had to say would not come easy. "Maybe…maybe Willow truly wasn't capable of…love, as you and I understand the term."

Tara turned to him, disbelief in her face. "Wha-what?"

Xander shrugged. "You and I both know Willow had some serious issues, about her relationships. I dunno, maybe she was kinda, you know, pathological—"

"No!" Tara almost roared at him. "Don't you ever say that! Willow is not a sociopath, okay?

"Okay, okay!" Xander replied, hands crossed over his face in mock fear (or, perhaps, there was a reality behind the pose). "Don't turn me into a toad! I don't look good in green!" Tara calmed considerably, taking a few deep breaths, so he continued. "Look, I'm guessing here, y'know, trying to be Mr. Judge Advocate of…the demon…thingy."

Tara almost smiled. "I think you mean 'devil's advocate.'"

"Whatever. All I'm saying is, that maybe Willow is really ready to be the woman that you want her to be. The woman you can love."

"That's not the point, Xander. Willow shouldn't be, I don't know, one kind of person because I want her to be. Making her into what I think of as, like, The Perfect Willow, that makes me as bad as her. She has to be who she was meant to be."
She looked down towards the car floor. "E-even if she's someone…who doesn't l-love me."

*******************

Buffy was grilling Dawn in the kitchen about her schoolwork when Tara and Xander came in. Dawn looked over at the two, grateful for the interruption of the third degree. "What took you guys so long?"

Before Buffy could rebuke her sister, Tara piped up. "Just bashing Xander's head against the steering wheel while he was trying to strangle me. Nothing big." To his credit, Xander added in a shrug and a cheesy grin and said nothing. The sisters looked sidelong at one another. Tara, covering a grin with a mighty effort, asked. "What's up?"

Buffy shrugged. "Nothin' much. I wanted to discuss Thanksgiving with you, coordinate the whole cooking thing. Oh, Willow's bringing pumpkin pie."

Tara nodded. "Oh. Y-you talked to her, then?"

"Yeah. She's upstairs, taking a shower. We, uh, worked out together, at the Magic Box."

"Uh-huh. You're teaching her m-martial arts stuff." Tara sighed. "I-I'm going to go upstairs for a minute."

Her three nodded their assent, leaving her to exit the kitchen and climb the stairs. Behind her, the three exchanged glances, knowing that after many months matters were coming to a head.

Xander abruptly came to a decision. "Hey, uh, Buffy."

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something…"

*******************

Willow had just finished dressing, toweling her still-damp hair, when the knock on the bathroom door came, from Tara's room. She took a breath, knowing who it was, steeling herself for what she must do.

"Hi," Tara said, sitting on her bed, hands in her lap.

"Hey," Willow answered. "Just usin' the shower…working out with Buffy makes me sweaty and stinky."

Tara smiled, then suppressed herself. "H-have you got a minute? To, uh, talk?"

Willow sighed. Even though she knew the necessity of this conversation, part of her hoped that she would somehow get out of it. "Yeah. I mean, we need to talk."

Tara nodded, then got up and paced to the other side of the room, then back to stand a comfortable téte-a-téte distance from Willow. The redhead folded the towel and draped it on the nearby dresser. The two former lovers stared at one another for a minute before Willow rolled her eyes and said, "Behold, my celebrated glibness!"

Tara smiled. It was easy to become relaxed in Willow's presence. In times like these, she remembered their early days, when nervousness gave way to a mutual comfort that neither of them had ever felt with another human being. For such natural introverts, they tapped hidden reserves of passion and zest for life within each other, as if they alone had had maps to guide them. We thought we were so much alike, Tara thought. That's where we went wrong.

"What are you thinking?" Willow asked, breaking Tara's reverie.

Tara looked down at her shoes, then resolutely at Willow. "I want you to know something. I'm v-very proud of the journey you've made these past few months. A lot of people wouldn't have the courage to face their inner demons, to f-fight them and come out a better person, like you did. You've really impressed me, Willow."

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming 'round the bend," Willow said ruefully, but without dread.

Tara looked into the green eyes and saw that she understood where this was going. "I f-fell in love with someone, and that someone broke my heart. I'm not sure you're the person who I fell in love with. I don't know if you're the one who broke my heart. I don't know…" Tara stopped, to take a shuddering breath. "I don't know if I love you, anymore."

Willow took the words like a body blow, but her gaze did not falter. "I know that. Even so, there's something I have to do for you." Tara tilted her head, a silent question. "That first time, that I wiped your memory, I never undid that."

"No. I mean, I don't remember what it was you…took. Dawn said something about a fight…"

"Yeah." Willow took a step forward, raised her hand to about the level of Tara's temple. "This'd be the first spell I've done since I got back…and it's going to be the last. I just have to put this right." Willow stopped, blinked. "Uh, if you, like, don't trust me, I understand."

Tara didn't answer, merely stepped forward so that Willow could reach out and touch her. Willow's lips tightened. She placed her fingers delicately along Tara's cheekbone and skull. "Remember."

Like a dash of ice-water, the memories came flooding back to Tara's consciousness:

"What would you like me to do? Just sit back and keep my mouth shut?"

"That would be a good start!"

Tara gasped as the full emotional impact reverberated through her. Her eyes stung as the import of the argument, what Willow had stolen from her, became clear. She glared at Willow, her breath coming in short, ragged breaths.

Willow looked at Tara, knowing that her ex-lover now knew everything, and she knew she had done the right thing. Now Tara could break with her cleanly, having seen the full depth of Willow's violation. There would be no half-hearted attempt at reconciliation that would be sure to fail, soiling what good that had emerged from their relationship.

Tara's breathing slowed, her eyes shifting away, and Willow knew it was time to leave. Not daring to meet the blonde's eyes, she walked around Tara, towards the door leading to the hallway, leading to a future alone.

The knuckles of Willow's left hand did not quite clear Tara's personal space, brushing Tara's left hand. For a frozen eternity of a moment, the contact between them was electric, slowly fading as Willow drew away…

…until Tara reached behind her and grabbed Willow's hand.

The redhead stopped in her tracks. "Tara…"

The blonde didn't respond, but held onto the hand.

"Tara…please…let me go." The voice was small, like that of a young child, afraid. "Please…let me go."

"I would," Tara replied, not looking around, her own voice shaking, "If I didn't love you so damned much."

Willow clapped her free hand over her mouth as sobs escaped from her, unbidden. She turned back, to see Tara half-turning toward her, to embrace her, to embrace their future together.

***********

"I've tried to tell myself that I lied to you because I wanted you to be focused," Xander explained, nearing the end of his tale. "Y'know, make sure you gave 100% against Angelus and stayed alive. But, but the truth is," he stopped as his voice shook. He forced himself to go on. "I just didn’t want him back with you as if nothing happened. " He looked into Buffy's face. Her expression was carefully neutral. "I've kept this to myself for years, and it's been like this, I dunno, bad acid in my gut." He looked down, over at Dawn, who listened intently, then back at Buffy. "I'm sorry."

The Slayer made no comment, merely stood up and walked over to Xander. For a second, he though she was just going to rip off his head for a candy dish. Then she put her arms around him without saying a word. He put his arms around her, grateful that he had finally gotten this off his chest. Then she stiffened, and broke the embrace.

"What?" Maybe she's changed her mind. I wonder what's going in my skull – plain or peanut?"

"We, uh, better leave."

Dawn blinked. "What? Where we goin'?"

Buffy turned to her. "Trust me. Slayer hearing. We so need to leave."

Xander and Dawn looked upward, towards the master bedroom. Then they looked at one another, then at Buffy, and silently agreed to grab their coats and head out.

Above them, in a bedroom growing darker by the minute, two women who glowed with their own inner light lay on the large bed. An observer would not immediately be certain whether clothing was involved in the mutual grappling, but as one's eye adjusted, one could be certain that there was not. What there was on the bed, as two women rediscovered one another, was trust, acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

At one point, a hand came out from under the covers. A necklace, made of resin and flakes of gem and strands of human hair, forged of magic and fear, fell into the wastebasket.

One year after.

Finis

------------------
"Good God, that's a lot of shake!"

[This message has been edited by CaptMurdock (edited February 02, 2002).]

CaptMurdock
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby mollyig » Tue Jan 29, 2002 2:52 am

A truly wonderful journey, Captain!

------------------
Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid
somebody'll know I know, you know?

mollyig
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby wiltar » Tue Jan 29, 2002 3:02 am

I can only think of one word for this....

Wow

Patricia

------------------
"What are they looking at?"
"The hotness of you, doofus!"

wiltar
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Rane » Tue Jan 29, 2002 3:12 am

oh my gods. i'm crying. this is such a fantastic ending. so perfect, everything open and everything understood. getting there is half the battle and what an amazing trip this was. um, i'm going to read it again.
Rane
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Dave V » Tue Jan 29, 2002 5:34 am

Thank you very much, Captain. It's been a pleasure reading such an emotionally satisfying story.
Dave V
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Scoobiedoo » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:38 am

"I would," Tara replied, not looking around, her own voice shaking, "If I didn't love you so damned much."

Golly...the working in of that line was just genius. I've really enjoyed this fic Captain. A wonderful journey. Thanks :-)

------------------
"FINE! I'll go to the pool and you can go to the museum of pools!"

Scoobiedoo
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Kalita » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:59 am

Awesome story, awesome ending. Loved every bit of it.

Thanks again!

Kalita
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby katydid » Tue Jan 29, 2002 7:09 am

Wow! Perfect ending for this fic. Wow! This is definately in my personal top ten!

------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.

katydid
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Charlie » Tue Jan 29, 2002 8:22 am

Truly brilliant! Am off to read it again now, but I've loved all of this and that ending... just wow! THANK YOU!

------------------
‘When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids; when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze.’
- Natalie Clifford Barney

Charlie
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Quill » Tue Jan 29, 2002 8:42 am

Oh wow. What an absolutely wonderful way to start my morning. This has been a fantastic journey and, though I am sad to see it come to an end, the more reasonable part of me knows it was both well-written and well-timed. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

------------------
"My faith in love is like blood...I spill it freely."

Quill
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Pixie » Tue Jan 29, 2002 9:00 am

Oh Captain, my captain! I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats! Thank you! Lol at "Duck Dodgers" (plutonium Q36 explosive space modulator!). I loved how you wove in Xander's deception at the end of season 2 - this has never been dealt with on the show. Everyone seems to have to face the consequences of their actions except him; in OMWF his actions caused several deaths and the gang just brushed it off! Sorry, rant over. Anyway, Tara's "it wasn't enough" speech in the car was so touching. Looking forward to whatever you come up with next!
Pixie
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Puff » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:07 pm

A brilliant ending for a brilliant story, thanks Captain It was worth the wait.

------------------
“I…I love you. I just…I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to feel like I am living again.” Legends of the kiss by Mariacomet

Puff
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby xita » Tue Jan 29, 2002 7:37 pm

Captain, you've written 2 of the best w/t fics out there. And I loved this one, and I don't cry reading fics, but the following bit made my eyes water, very affecting:


"Tara…please…let me go." The voice was small, like that of a young child, afraid. "Please…let me go."

"I would," Tara replied, not looking around, her own voice shaking, "If I didn't love you so damned much."

xita
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Willow Rocks » Wed Jan 30, 2002 12:21 pm

Okay crying now!

A brillant fic well done and thank u so much for writing this, it was perfect

Xita what other fic of CaptMurdock is your favourite?

Willow Rocks
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby bearskeeper » Wed Jan 30, 2002 4:51 pm

There's just one word for this story, and this conclusion - WOW. And I mean that whole-heartedly!
bearskeeper
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Jenny Scott » Wed Jan 30, 2002 7:00 pm

oh, my god, i just discovered this fic, where has it been all my life (well, last month anyway). Bloody excelent, read it all at once, couldn't stoop, nice ending...sniffle...

------------------
"The worlds about to be destroyed and i'm stuck in a traffic jam!"

Jenny Scott
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Tiggrscorpio » Wed Jan 30, 2002 7:04 pm

This was simply wonderful. An absolutely perfect ending that left me a blubbering mess. It was worth it!!! Thank you CaptMurdock!!

------------------
She's my everything!

Tiggrscorpio
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby LeatherQueen » Wed Jan 30, 2002 8:41 pm

A wonderful ending to a fabulous story that has kept my attention since the first paragraph. Thanks Capt!

------------------
"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." -Glory

LeatherQueen
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby AutumnT » Wed Jan 30, 2002 9:07 pm

Thank you for a tale well told. I appreciate your efforts.

Autumn

AutumnT
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Web Warlock » Wed Jan 30, 2002 10:34 pm

Damn.

I decided to read this for the first time tonight, so I got to read it all at once.

Let me say that again.
Damn.

This was great. I am so glad they got back together, I was wondering there for a bit.

This was a great piece of work.

Warlock

------------------
Web Warlock
web.warlock@attbi.com webwarlock@planetadnd.com
Author, the Netbooks of Witches and Warlocks
The Other Side: http://www.xtreme-gaming.com/theotherside/

--
"Nobody gets me baby. I'm the wind!" - Tom Servo, MST3k

Web Warlock
 


FIC: Four Months After

Postby Dr.G » Thu Jan 31, 2002 11:19 am

Willow Rocks, I do not know what Xita's other fav fic by CaptMurdock is, but mine definitely is Road to Nowhere.

This fic was brilliant as well. I started reading it again just in time I see, multi parts fics can be real frustrating if you read them before they are finished, especially if they are written so well, heh heh. I loved it, thank you for providing such wonderful W/T goodness.

[This message has been edited by Dr.G (edited January 31, 2002).]

Dr.G
 

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