Tara-Spike interaction? That should be interesting.
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I'm very seldom naughty
by Rosenberg » Mon Jan 28, 2002 7:47 pm
Tara-Spike interaction? That should be interesting.
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I'm very seldom naughty
by Bobo's Mom » Mon Jan 28, 2002 9:06 pm
While waiting for the next update I'll just invoke Anya and count the extra money you will make after your fantastic raise.
Good Luck!!
BM
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TARA: Willow and I always know how to find each other!
ANYA: With yoga?
[This message has been edited by Bobo's Mom (edited January 28, 2002).]
by Sheila » Tue Jan 29, 2002 12:28 am
I love your style, it touches our hearts in a very special way. And it's very poetic.
Keep the good work!
by ForeverPiper » Tue Jan 29, 2002 5:27 am
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Poor watcher, did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea. - Spike
by Rosenberg » Wed Jan 30, 2002 8:06 pm
I hope the back hasn't had a relapse.
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I'm very seldom naughty
[This message has been edited by Rosenberg (edited January 30, 2002).]
by Sela » Thu Jan 31, 2002 11:55 am
I am most impacted by the interaction between Willow and Tara. The journey into Willow's psyche is heart-wrenching, and yes, even ugly. But it's necessary, and the insight we get...wow! Again, on the show it's implied, but to see it explained so vividly--now that's a treasure. I kind of feel like I'm reading a supplemental textbook on Willow and Tara. I mean, every Tuesday I read the required text, but here, I get to fill in the blanks. I'm absolutely riveted. Thank you. I can't wait for the next installment.
--Sela
by AutumnT » Wed Feb 06, 2002 11:36 am
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Autumn
I'm just taking stuff and not paying for it. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
by Rosenberg » Wed Feb 06, 2002 8:05 pm
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I'm very seldom naughty
by katydid » Thu Feb 07, 2002 11:27 am
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"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by mariacomet » Thu Feb 07, 2002 12:43 pm
Title: Legends of the Kiss part 7a
Feedback: - Hey, I can’t predict these things but my muse may leave again if she feels neglected. She’s giving the big puppy dog eyes. It’s really sad.
Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: All episodes. I am loosely tying this to my 'Empty Boxes' and 'Believe' pieces but I don't think you have to read them to understand this.
Rating: PG•for now. There will be at least an 'R' part toward the end, which I have to tell you I am already blushing about writing.
Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of the genius of Joss Whedon and Co.
Legends of the Kiss
Part 7a
By Mariacomet
Grace is like a field of white flowers. We tend the flowers inside ourselves, giving each one away carefully. Grace is where we rise about our instincts and defy simple logic. For it to be grace it must first be offered to someone undeserving - by whatever measurement we humans can define such a thing. The humble heart knows that this includes us all. The more analytical mind wonders if we are not all annexed from this idea, since the merit of a human being is beyond any true foolproof means of measurement. Still, grace is the center around which all humanity thrives. It is what sets us apart. It is the beginning of love and the end of hate.
The strong in history have been the protectors and the hunters. In modern times, as in old, we look to the gladiators, the ones that do battle in open spectacle. The field of conquest can be anywhere; a board room, a football field, a construction yard. Yet in all this, elephants, ants, pigs have such strength of the mind, heart and will. But none of these can offer forgiveness. They cannot reach out a hand to one that has wronged them. This aged, wondrous planet teaches that strength can come in many shapes and sizes. We do have much to learn from the world, but also it has something to learn from us. We have flowers that can only be found inside humanity. The simple girl with a basket, standing on a busy street corner handing out lilies maybe the strongest among us all.
Fragments made up Tara’s world. Images of an outgoing redhead nervously taking her hand, playing with her fingertips. Soft cherub lips lifting slowly, scaring away her doubts, the tenderness of that smile making her entire body hum in pleasure. Emerald eyes sparking with happy, awe as they both bent forward at the same time, and shared their first kiss. She and Willow cuddling close and trying not to laugh too loud in the middle of the night, while outside it rained and rained. Touches on her shoulder, her face, running everywhere, fluid and sensuous like warm water. Willow knew everything about her. How to make her laugh when she was sad. How to make her sigh in happiness with a few words or a small gift. How to make her burn. Heavens. She knew exactly where to touch and what to say to make her turn into pure flame.
Inside her ex-lover was a hell Tara had only guessed at. She knew that Willow had felt like an outsider in high school. Outsider wasn’t the right word though, was it? It wasn’t even close to encompassing the sadness, the loneliness…the hopelessness Willow had felt. There was more, the pain of her childhood had created darkness inside Tara’s ex-girlfriend. Rage and arrogance. Fear had been raised from a seedling and now spread its tendrils all through Willow, making her doubt herself and her worth. Of course, the fear had eventually spread into the magic as well. Like many things, casting spells would eventually become a reflection of what was inside the caster.
Tick-Tock, Tara.
Her eyes jumped to the clock. 9:45.
Tick, tick, tick.
She needed to find peace, just a for a bit. How could she think when everything was twisting inside her head, inside her heart, like some strange Ferris wheel? She moved toward her bureau and lit a candle.
Extra Flamey.
Tick-tock, Tara.
You deserve someone who’s willing to do anything for you. I want to be that person.
Tara pulled a pillow into her arms and hugged it, trying to relieve the pressure in her chest, to soothe the flood of feelings that kept rising, falling, then rising again. She felt lost. For one of the first and only times in her life, she truly didn’t know what to do. Her instincts were failing her. Her heart was too close to what was happening for her to have any real insight. Despite all that Willow had given tonight, she still had so many doubts. She felt guilt. She felt Willow’s sacrifice should have been enough. That was the way it worked in movies and stories; one grand act, and then the happy ending. It should be enough. Yet it hadn’t slayed her fears. It had made them deeper. The other truth was that what Willow had done had made her feel proud. All that Tara had seen, no matter how disturbing it had been, had made her love Willow more. The battle-lines were more intense within her. Both sides were dug in deep, dividing her in half.
I just need a minute, she told herself, I just need a minute and then I’ll…
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Tara had once told Willow that if she was feeling lost and alone, there was only one place she would go – to Willow. Her feet carried her. Her heart beat. Her eyes took in the usual sites on the walks across campus. But she was lost. Only now, she couldn’t go to Willow.
She tried to force those thoughts from her mind. Everything in her head was still going too fast. She couldn’t keep up.
I lied to you.
Her heart churned, showing her fear, reminding her of the hope and promise of love. STOP, Tara told herself.
A memory of arms coming around from behind, Willow nuzzling her neck. Then words from another time sounding in her mind.
I need you. I don't need magic. I don't. Let me prove it to you, okay? I'll go a month without using magic. I won't do a single spell, I swear.
The light on her answering machine provided the necessary distraction.
She played her messages, expecting it to be Dawn or Anya. Buffy’s voice surprised her. Yes, they saw one another every Sunday, and they had talked quite a bit over the last few months, but the Slayer didn’t usually call her.
“Tara, it’s me. Look, we’re all worried about you and Willow. Give me a call when you get this. “ Beeeepppp.
The second message played. “Buffy again. That damned tree is back, so you all should be back, right?” It seemed like she paused and was talking to someone else over her shoulder. “I got the machine again.” The Slayer’s voice sounded less muffled and she seemed to go into leaving a message mode again. “I’m having this double whammy of Slayer Worry. PLEASE call me when you get this.”
Tree? How did Buffy know about the tree, Tara asked herself. Had Wilow told Buffy what she was planning? But surely Willow didn’t expect the tree to disappear? She frowned. No, she didn’t believe that. Her ex-lover had seemed as surprised by what had happened as she was.
BEEEEEEEEEEPP. It moved on to the next message. Buffy, again. This consisted on one word. “Dammit!” Click.
At the Summer’s home, Xander had literally been on the edge of his seat for almost thirty minutes. Buffy had likewise been pacing, and her very sullen teenager sister had been unable to keep glancing at the clock constantly. Anya’s way of dealing with the situation was to try cooking, which she had seen be helpful on some occasions. She was on her third attempt at Spaghetti. It was comfort food, she insisted. When a familiar redhead walked in the door, she was bombarded by her friends, all moving to embrace her and demand answers from her at the same time.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t take you over my knee right now.” Buffy said, her voice a mix of worry and stern anger.
Willow was still in semi-shock from the greeting. “Um…Xander might take pictures if you did?”
Xander smirked ever so slightly. “Actually I’m more a video man.” Then noting that Anya had ducked in the room, he arranged his features into an irritated expression. “I mean…hey!”
“Are you okay?” Buffy asked.
“Well yeah…it’s been a really weird night to say the least and I’m suddenly thinking that I need intense therapy – and there’s the whole stroke of midnight Cinderella fear to deal with, which if Amy was still a rat might be interesting – cause according to Disney animation rats can sew a really spiffy gown. Other than that, I’m…I may faint, actually.” Buffy slide an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the couch, helping her slowly sit down. Buffy sat on one side of her friend, and Xander moved to the other side, taking her hand.
Dawn had been watching the scene from a distance, not quite able to face Willow, but sneaking looks, her arms crossed tightly over her middle.
“I made spaghetti.” Anya said with a flourish.
“Where’s Tara?” Buffy asked gently.
The hacker shook her head, and her face twisted into an expression of grief. “I don’t know.” She said a small voice.
“We’ll get her back, Will. Just start slow. Tell us what happened.” Xander squeezed her hand. He was in comforter mode. Willow slowly looked around at her friends and tears lifted in her eyes. She was home. She was loved here. This was the Xander she had known all of her life, and Buffy who always managed to come through for her in the end. Her friends, who had become her family.
What her male best friend had actually said filtered in much more slowly. “Wait…get her back? She…she is back. And how did you all know that there was any issue of backness anyway?”
All of them save Willow turned to look at Dawn. The Slayer’s features hardened. “Tell her what you did.” Buffy ordered. The teenager glanced up, and drew her body into a smaller target.
“I’m sorry, Willow.” Dawn whispered.
The redhead didn’t understand the look of guilt on the young woman’s face, but if anyone had a right to NOT feel guilty about anything with regards to Willow, it was Dawn. After all, the accident hadn’t been that long ago. Willow was still feeling quite grateful that Dawn had forgiven her. “It’s okay, Dawnie – whatever it is – I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Tell her.” The Slayer repeated again.
Dawn gave her sister a hard look, then took in a deep breath. She began her tale.
A moment or two later the phone rang, and the Slayer rose silently to get it, so that Dawn’s confession wouldn’t be interrupted.
“Buffy?” Came a voice on the other end of the line.
“Tara.” Buffy greeted, her voice betrayed her relief in finally hearing from the other woman.
Tara was silent for most of the rest of the conversation. Buffy took the phone in another room and quietly told Tara everything. She explained that Willow was getting a similar story from Dawn, herself.
“Why would Dawn do this?”
The slayer paused; the cold sting of Dawn’s earlier admission was still present. “You make her feel safe, I think, Tara.” Silence from the other end of the line. “Tara? You okay?”
“Yes.” The Wiccan murmured. She’d been angry at what Dawn had done up until that moment. Now, she couldn’t be. Not at Dawn.
********************************************************************
Spike wasn’t used to having his crypt door knocked on. He didn’t have that many visitors and the one she did have, like Buffy, were more likely to bust the door down or just barge in. He took a long drink from the bottle in his hand and ignored the knocking.
Two hours he’d gone searching for those two Wiccans. He’d seen that the tree had reappeared and then proceeded to look in every nook and cranny he could find between there and the Slayer’s house. The idea had been to find them first and promptly deliver them back to the doorstep of the Slayer, thereby getting back in her good graces. By the time, he’d gotten to Buffy’s house, the red haired wonder was already being coddled on the couch by the Scoobies. Obviously he’d been too late. Buffy had spotted him and escorted him out. His jaw was still hurting from the ‘reminder’ she’d given him that she’d told him to stay away from her. It would pass eventually; at least it always had before. Till then, it was better he steer clear.
He’d come to Sunnydale for many reasons. A Slayer and a Hellmouth, that guaranteed that he’d never have a dull moment. Spike had the small town his home because he knew it was teeming with darkness, and it felt like he belonged there. Sometimes the fantasy of what Buffy would do if he up and left someday played out in his head. Sure, the Scoobies actually protected him, and he had contacts in Sunnydale. However, part of him wanted to see the Slayer try and get along without his help. She’d be dead in 48 hours, tops. Which, Spike admitted to himself, was why he DIDN’T just up and leave. He was convinced that deep down she needed him. Maybe Dawn did too. Probably…all the Scoobies did…whether they liked it or not.
As for Dawn, Spike was going to have a little chat with her about loyalty.
The knocking came again.
“Can’t you take a hint? NO one is sodding home!” He yelled and threw his bottle at the front door. It hit the door and it started to shatter but then….it stopped. Just stopped in mid-air like in a Bugs Bunny Cartoon. Suddenly it all came back together again and flew back to his hand.
He rubbed his eyes. He must have drunk more than he thought. The door to the crypt pushed open and in stepped the blonde witch, walking inside like she owned the place.
“Should have known.” The vampire sighed. He tilted his head and looked over her academically. “Well you don’t look any worse for the wear.” Spike leaned forward, trying to see behind her. “You alone?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” Tara said, her voice cold. Anger tightened the corners of her lips. All in all, fury was a simple emotion. Especially when directed toward someone you weren’t sure you liked, much less trusted. On the walk here, the resentment that Tara felt about what the vampire had helped Dawn do had become cool and controlled.
“You wanted to talk to me?” He echoed with an agitated expression. He could just guess what this was about. Spike took a drink and extended the bottle to her. “Drink?” She shook her head. “Fine. Well, as you can see, I’m a busy man. Get on with it.”
Her eyes were the color of a pale sky and they bore into him. He’d always sensed something about this one. Like with Dru, he had known that she knew things, that she had an extra sense to her. He felt that kind of thing when he was around Tara. She had power. Not like Red’s. But Power none the less. However, she also had a bleeding heart. It was her downfall, and it was why she would never be anything truly big in the scheme of things. Tara was too afraid to use all of what she had been given.
He stood and sat on the edge of his bed, motioning her to take the now empty recliner. She didn’t move. “I know what you did.” Tara began and her voice was stronger than he’d ever heard it. “I know about the book. Buffy told me.”
“Here to turn me into a hippity hop, are you?” Spike asked with an insolent smirk.
She shook her head, her expression not changing. “I’m here to ask you a question. “ She replied, tilting her chin up slightly. “You fought beside us all summer. Did you mean to put Willow and I through hell, Spike? Because that’s what happened.” It was like being hammered at, what she’d said, the expression on her face.
Arrogant, biting words that usually rose to his tongue at a whim deserted him. Hell? “Something went wrong.” The vampire admitted weakly. “It was supposed to be the big story of the rainbow with a pot of gold. Just a story.”
She didn’t let him off the hook. “You used Willow and I’s faith and what we feel for one another against us. You look down on people.” She took a step toward him. “You like manipulating them. You think it proves that you’re smarter and stronger….and that we’re weak.” Tara’s eyes searched his, daring him to argue. He didn’t. He couldn’t. Her eyes were holding him fixed in one spot and stealing words from him. She straightened, her lips setting in a thin, uncompromising line. “Even children can be cruel and they can manipulate. You’ve been alive for hundreds of years, and you haven’t learned anything.”
Finally he stood up, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He wanted to rail at her for daring to say any of that crap to him, but her words were soft, her features calm and forthright. He didn’t know how to react. All he knew was that in a few words, she had managed to tear his pride to shreds “I think,” He said weakly. “You should go before you step in it any deeper than you have.”
She kept regarding him calmly. “I could do things to you, with magic. I could hurt you. Even without the magic, Buffy was ready to come after you.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I told her not to.” Tara continued. “I said I would talk with you. Alone.”
Spike felt like he was being held over a barrel. How had this shy little thing one-upped him so quickly? His body tensed, waiting for something to happen. Wherever Tara and Willow had gone, it obviously wasn’t pleasant. She owed him one, and besides she’d called Buffy off. In his experience that meant that Tara wanted to do the damage herself.
“So you wanna have a go?” Spike asked anxiously, waiting for a move on her part that was taking forever to come. The way she was looking at him, her heart in her eyes touched by betrayal made him uncomfortable.
“No.”
“All talk as usual eh?” A slow syrupy smile lifted his mouth corners. His eyes danced with challenge. Spike leaned closed and whispered in her ear. “You know, before the chip, I didn’t even bother with girls like you. So sweet and shy….and boring.”
Tara’s smooth features tightened. She lowered her head, and even from where he stood, Spike could feel her boiling deep down. Good. Maybe she’d try and hit him. That would be a lot more what he was used to than this. She shook her head and dispelled her emotions, remaining calm. “I want you to understand that the only reason you’ve stayed alive as long as you have, is due to the goodness you think makes us so weak. And I want your promise that you’ll never do anything like this to Willow again.”
Spike considered that. “Even if I gave my word, what makes you think I’d keep it? Gonna tell me all about how I’m not really evil and I just need a chance to be a real boy.”
“I’m not offering you a chance at redemption. Even if you deserved it, I don’t have that power.” She answered slowly. “I’m asking you to prove that you’re worthy of my respect.” She moved another step toward him and his body leaned away from hers expecting some sort of blow. Wanting it, actually. Wanting something he could fight “Promise me.” She repeated.
There it was, and he felt like he was back in knickers being drug by his mum around the park on a Sunday afternoon. His pride was no longer in shreds; she had taken a piece from him. She had made him smaller. Try as he might, there didn’t seem to be anything he could do about it.
He wanted to shout at her that he didn’t care what a shy, stuttering little girl like her thought of him. Except that suddenly he did care – a bit. Which he didn’t understand. For the un-life of him, he didn’t know why. Spike felt like she was spinning him round in circles. He actually lowered his gaze from hers and shuffled uncomfortably.
“Yeah.” The vampire muttered to her. “Fine.”
Tara nodded once and moved without another word to the door of the crypt. It took him a full minute to move again, but when he could, he surprised himself. Spike went after her, feeling the need to do something.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited February 07, 2002).]
by RomanceJunky » Thu Feb 07, 2002 3:35 pm
Really glad to see an update, and I won't even give you a hard time about how (DAMN) long its been!!!
RJ...off to read the update now, even though I already know it's gonna be great!(YW,B)
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"Next year...shits gonna go down...her relationship with Tara will continue---but the course of True Love is never easy."
Joss Whedon-"OUT" magazine, August 2001
by mariacomet » Thu Feb 07, 2002 6:16 pm
Katy, Autumn, Rosenberg, RJ...but see, I did post and um, I have the next part written and in beta mode.
*lil pout* I'm sowwie. I promise I will never keep the kittens waiting again.
by Kieli » Thu Feb 07, 2002 6:25 pm
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
by Pixie » Thu Feb 07, 2002 9:39 pm
by delany » Thu Feb 07, 2002 9:50 pm
by orion » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:59 pm
*waiting for the next part and trying not to beg*
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"Okay, thats a little blacker then I like my arts" -Willow
by ForeverPiper » Fri Feb 08, 2002 5:09 am
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Willow! Check you out! Witch-fu. -BUFFY
by nika » Fri Feb 08, 2002 8:41 am
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"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
by RomanceJunky » Fri Feb 08, 2002 9:26 am
Aw-w-w-w-w...poor sweetie! After that part I must admit all is forgiven, and I am again on the edge of my chair waiting for the next update...bridge yet??? Huh??? Huh???
RJ...mistletoe??? (YW,B)
by Jessie » Fri Feb 08, 2002 12:47 pm
Sorry I wasn't feedbacking (no, not a football term) -- beta-ing and "writing" got in the way. I will, however, return to my ever-faithful fan ways and read read read!
This is so great. I love this Tara ... I love her need to protect Willow from Spike.
One thing I wonder about ... Tara can forgive Dawn for this, but she doesn't know if she can forgive Willow? Hmmmmm ....
More? I mean, More! (Learning to be more aggressive).
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by Quill » Fri Feb 08, 2002 6:52 pm
I loved Tara's confrontation with Spike. It's really good to see her portrayed like that: infinitely patient, completely controlled and still fully capable of knocking the 'big bad' on his ass.
Bravo.
by AutumnT » Sat Feb 09, 2002 12:14 am
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Autumn
I'm just taking stuff and not paying for it. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
by Malia » Sat Feb 09, 2002 4:36 am
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"*Gasp*I'm cured! I want the boys!*Giggle*"
-She was kidding and so am I;)
by mariacomet » Sat Feb 09, 2002 10:38 am
Meanwhile at work, there were some lay offs going on as well as a few political and personal issues that aren't worth mentioning in detail.
All of this made my muse pack a bag and head for a much more tropical climate. She did send postcards and pictures though.
Anyway, my PLAN is...The next part was in beta, but I didn’t like it that much so I rewrote it all. It is now in Beta AGAIN. If my beta readers are able to get it back to me tonight, I’ll post tonight. If not, it will probably be tommorrow. (My beta readers are wonderful.)
This next part is the part before the bridge scene. So we have about three more parts of the tale to go. 1.Scene before Bridge 2. Bridge 3. Scene after Bridge. Part 3 is where I will attempt to write smut. Just no one tell my mom, okay?
Again, thank you all for sticking with me.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited February 09, 2002).]
by mariacomet » Sat Feb 09, 2002 10:59 am
Pixie - I am hoping very much to have the Bridge scene written by Monday morning and post ready by Tuesday afternoon. Heh. I like the idea of Tara calling by his first middle and last name. WILLIAM THE BLOODY, go to your room!
Delany - I'm sorry you had to go bad and re-read. I promise the next update won't take anywhere near as long.
Orion - Hmmm...kittennapped. I wonder what someone could ask for ransom. would it involves pics of Amber and Aly? Thank you very much for the kind words. I'm really glad the story moves you.
Piper - I'll do my best. But I do have a beta process to go through. You all REALLY don't want to see my unbetaed stuff. It's ugly, I tell ya!
Nika - I think that's probably my favorite line from that part as well. I believe that Tara is one of the strongest characters on the show, but that she is so gentle and soft spoken that often people don't see it for what it is.
RJ - Mistletoe *winks* and consider the first part of our bargin accomplished MW. Thank you as always for letting me bend your ear. You always give me idea. *whistles innocently*
Jessie - "One thing I wonder about ... Tara can forgive Dawn for this, but she doesn't know if she can forgive Willow? Hmmmmm ...."
Great question. I think that Dawn is still very young and that she isn't entirely out of the doghouse with Tara. Buffy is handling it right now, and that combined with Dawn's well meaning youth made Tara soften. Since Spike is older and knows MUCH more about magic and doesn't have the same 'well-meaning
' streak, I think Tara holds him a but more responsible.
Also, Willow knew that Tara considered casting magic on her a violation. And Willow did it again. The motivation was control and was infinately more selfish then Dawn's. BUT...I do intend to delve into your question a bit since I think that you offer an interesting insight. why it is so much easier to forgive some people then others?
Autumn - your wish is my command.
Quill - I would be very honored. But if you do share you have to tell me what they say, please?
Malia - okay...not fair play to get all beggy. Gonna do my best to get something up very soon. I promise.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited February 09, 2002).]
by RomanceJunky » Sat Feb 09, 2002 12:10 pm
Just what kinda 'idea' did I give you, MT? Was it a good one???
RJ...anytime baby, anytime.
by mariacomet » Sat Feb 09, 2002 5:22 pm
Usually I put my work through a couple of betas just in case, but I really want to get this up. Sorry if Leather and I missed something.
Title: Legends of the Kiss part 7b
Feedback: - Just remember that smut is coming up.
Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: All episodes. I am loosely tying this to my 'Empty Boxes' and 'Believe' pieces but I don't think you have to read them to understand this.
Rating: PG•for now. There will be at least an 'R' part toward the end, which I have to tell you I am already blushing about writing.
Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of the genius of Joss Whedon and Co.
Legends of the Kiss
Part 7b
By Mariacomet.
Once upon a time there was a land of shrivelled, sad things. They lived in the dark, you see, because they knew they were so horrible that if people saw them, they would run in fear. Or worse, people would hate them. More than anything, these monsters longed for a place of their own, where they could be loved. For as monstrous as those beasts were, each had a heart that yearned for more. In their naiveté, they elected a queen from among them. She was the most beautiful creature in the land. They placed their faith in her, trusting that she would find them a home, a place where they were not feared and could live happily in the light. The queen sought out such a place, but when she found it, she betrayed the creatures and kept it for herself.
Most people, at times, long for hero/protector/rescuer to gallop in on white horseback, to ride in and save the day. Even strong shoulders grow weary. Even hard hearts grow cold. We grow up, learning that in the real world, we must ultimately save ourselves. Accepting this makes us independent, and strong. It forces us to hold on hard, or defeats us and we let go. One person cannot save another from life, anymore than one person can save someone from themselves. But there are times where the beat of hooves can be heard riding in from the distance. We find ourselves – just for a moment - rescued… protected… saved. Thing are never totally the same after that.
”I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all of that a lie?”
The words stuck Tara’s heart painfully and she was desperate to deny it. She couldn’t say the next word fast enough. “No!”
Willow seemed to believe, she took it in, her eyes dropping just a moment. She took in a deep breath and found Tara’s eyes again with her own. “Do you want to leave?” Tara could feel the pain radiating from the question, as if Willow couldn’t believe what she was asking. Yet the question was sincere. Her partner was asking her what she wanted.
Tara’s father had already had his patience taxed. He was used to taking command, and tried to do so now with Willow. “That is not your decision, young lady.”
He had underestimated what the young woman felt for Tara. Determination burned in Willow’s face and she stared down Mr. Maclay. “I know that.” She said firmly. The red head faced the woman she loved again. Her eyes were so gentle Willow’s breathing was coming more quickly, a result of the effort to try and contain her own heartache and concentrate on Tara. “Do you want to leave?” The words were soft and even and the blonde knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if it was what she wanted, Willow would step aside. She loved her that much. More than anyone had ever loved her.
Tara’s eyes were brimming. She slowly shook her head ‘no.’
Under the moonlight, Tara’s mind was awash in such thoughts. Willow had saved her. She had stood by her when Glory had taken her sanity. She had found her crouched in the darkness when Tara had been sure she’d never find a way home.
The pages of her mind turned, and there were endless pictures. Willow singing slightly off key in the shower just after they had begun – for all intents and purpose – sharing a dorm room. Tara watching the woman she was falling in love with as she studied a spell, darting her eyes away as Willow looked up. Stolen kisses in the library, or at the Magic Box. Willow, taking her hand and tugging her into a small corner or cranny. Their first Christmas together, and the way that Willow had been so eager for Tara to open her gift. Her love was Jewish, but they had decided that they were perfectly happy to celebrate any occasion that would allow them to give one another gifts.
Tick-tock, Tara.
She’d wasted valuable time. How long had it been? 15 minutes? 20? Wasted on Spike. But she’d needed to do something, to be in control. To lash out? It was possible that had been what she’d done. Telling off the vampire had felt good. He had no right to hurt people like Willow and get away with it. In the crypt with Spike, she’d been certain that she was doing the right thing. Her course was clear. Part of her felt amazed that she hadn’t been scared to death, even if Spike did have the chip. He’d hurt Willow. He’d helped Dawn manipulate Willow. For a minute, she’d been able to grab onto something that didn’t involve complicated, heartbreaking emotions. It had been something to do, an action she could take. Now, everything was crashing down around her again.
All her life when she was in pain, she’d been able to retreat into herself, into her mind. This time, it had been impossible to find any place to hide, to analyze or feel her way through. She felt lost.
“Hey.” She heard a voice call out. The English accent gave away who it was immediately. “Tara. Tara!” The blonde Wiccan didn’t turn back but she did stop. She was surprised that he knew her name. He’d never used it before. Spike shuffled his feet and she could almost swear he looked contrite. “Look, if I was trying to get my jollies by sending one of you away, it’d be monkey boy.” Tara turned to him and raised her brows. “Least you and Red can occasionally be useful.” He explained.
“We feel the same way about you.” Tara said seriously. It was an olive branch between them, in a weird, Spike-like way.
He snorted softly, but even in his present mood, he saw the humor in the words. “Yeah well, occasionally isn’t half bad odds.” He looked around, and then glanced at her curiously. “You know, you’re going the wrong way to get to Buffy’s.”
“I’m not… I’m heading home.”
It seemed to surprise him. He rolled his head up long enough to look at the moon. “Don’t you and Red have an appointment in a bit?” She wished he were gone. She wished she were alone. Tara wished… that she could feel Willow’s arms around her – just for a moment. “I guess you have a couple hours though, can make it a bit dramatic finish. Just didn’t picture that you were the type. Of course, it seems you’ve quite a few surprises in you.” His teeth bared in a pleasant expression. “If you weren’t a skirt chaser…”
Tara eyed him. Her reaction to him now resembled her normal feelings about him; a little fear mixed with mistrust and a reluctant general gratitude that at least for the moment, he wasn’t an enemy. “I d-don’t think we should go there. Besides, I’m… um… very fond of skirts. Very, very fond. I have been for a long time.”
Inwardly, Spike chuckled. It was about the reply he’d expected, but it just wouldn’t have been him not to say it. The vampire was hoping she’d take it as an offhand compliment. He was still trying to think of a way to get back in Buffy’s good graces and maybe earn a point or two with this witch. Maybe he’d been looking at this all wrong. A witch that owed him a favour could be a very good thing in the long run. “Right, so, how about I do the gentleman bit, walk you home, then wait around outside till you’re ready to go find Princess charming? Make sure you don’t get eaten by any nasties. “
“That’s okay.” Tara said dismissively.
“Come on now, can’t hold a grudge forever can you?” He studied her again. She was distracted, very distracted by the looks of it. “Earth to blondie.” His eyes narrowed slightly as an idea occurred to him. “You… are going to play kiss-and-makeup with Willow tonight?”
Tara wrapped her arms about herself and looked up as the moon. Her mind’s eyes went back to the moment earlier that evening when Willow had kissed her. She could still feel the warm tingle of the kiss against her lips. It seemed like a million years ago. “Buffy thinks…” She started without remembering that it was Spike she was talking to. He had never pretended to care about any of them – save Dawn and Buffy. The human and the vampire looked at one another awkwardly. The vampire rubbed his fingertips over the back of his hair as the silence stretched on.
He sighed finally. “Buffy thinks what?” She looked at him dubiously. “What? You have someone better to talk this over with?”
“You mean besides Buffy, Xander, Anya and Dawn?”
“Buffy and Xander are Willow’s best friends. Not exactly neutral are they? Dawn is a spot too young to be handing out dating advice. And the demon chick is… do I really have to explain why that’s not a good idea?”
Tara shut her eyes and realized suddenly how true his words were. She hadn’t discussed Willow with anyone at length because she didn’t know anyone in Sunnydale well enough to do so EXCEPT… the Scoobies, who had all faced life and death with Willow. She had met a few people since moving back into the dorms, but she was, by nature, a very private person. Had things gotten so bad that Spike had actually become a viable confidante?
Spike was trying to be nice. Maybe he owed her one for the fact that the spell had gone wonky. Besides it made him feel like he was salvaging his pride. There also was the off chance that Tara might mention this good deed to Buffy. Basically though, he realized, he was starting to miss having conversations with others. Half the demons in town barely spoke to him anymore. Buffy would show up for a shag and then run off. None of the Scoobies were worth much bother and even if they had been, they treated him like the plague. At least Tara had managed the brass ones to come stand up to him. He liked that. He even respected it.
Spike examined her, studying her intently. “Did Buffy actually tell you it’s a good idea for you to throw away a chance at eternal love?”
**************************************
“I think it’s the best thing to do.” Buffy said firmly.
Xander nodded in support of the words. “Right. Skip the bridge and cut the whole thing off at the knees.”
Willow looked from one of them to the other. “If my vampire self shows up or anything starts glowing blue, I am so magicking myself out of here. Addiction be dammed.”
The slayer’s features grew more sympathetic and she crouched in front of Willow, showing the palm of her hand. “See? No bad glowiness.” Willow had told them about her experience. She hadn’t included every detail of course. But she’d told them enough to completely distress them.
Xander was giving a rather intense frown. “Was I really that big a jerk in high school, Will?” Her childhood friend asked seriously. “Because if I was, I’ll kick my own ass.”
Guilt. More guilt. Willow sighed, adding that portion onto the Mount Everest inside her. “Xander, you just didn’t see me that way. Not until the fluke. That doesn’t make you a jerk.” He slid his hands in his pockets. The construction worker looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.
Buffy touched Willow’s hand. “For the record, I know that you could never want anything bad to happen to any of us. It’s not in you, Willow.” The forgiveness in those words quieted the still smoking embers of pain and guilt Willow felt regarding Buffy’s death. She managed a smile and leaned forward, hugging the slayer. Buffy moved to draw back after a moment, but Willow held fast, like a child clinging to a parent. The blonde felt her smaller friend’s body tense. She grabbed onto Buffy as if Buffy was a lifeline and she was afraid if she let go, she’d be washed out to see. Home, this was home, she kept telling herself. She was safe here.
The emotional price of what she had given to Tara was slowly riding over her. She felt like she was falling, but her friends were there to catch her. Xander moved forward quietly and bent down to encompass both of them in an embrace. They had needed a moment like this for some time, but they hadn’t been aware of it. When the three friends finally parted, it was with smiles and tears all at once.
“I love you guys,” Willow murmured gently, and when she did she was saying it for all of them.
******************************************
“I didn’t say I care.” The vampire was saying. “Something strange happened tonight. I’m curious is all.” Spike shook his head ruefully. “You know, nothing I ever do to you lot goes like I plan it.” Tara let out a huff of agitation at the words and her eyes became sharp and hard like rocks pressing into him. He raised his hands, fending off the glare. “I’m just saying…”
She looked away and shook her head. Had she actually been considering talking to SPIKE about all this, she asked herself. Tara didn’t want to deal with him anymore. “I have to go.” She started walking away from him again.
Spike remembered the price if Tara didn’t show at the bridge. The last thing he needed was Buffy finding a way to pin the red head’s demolished heart on him. He considered his options. Tara really seemed to love Willow. They had seemed happy together, as far as he could tell. They’d looked after one another on patrols. Held hands, and talked in whispers whenever they could. Tara had never seemed like a coward to him, and if anything so far tonight’s events had confirmed that he had had underestimated her. “You gonna just leave Willow in the thick of it?”
Leave Willow. Leave. Willow. She had walked away once and felt that she was walking away from the best part of herself, of her life. It seemed insane. Yet on some level, she had always expected to lose Willow. Being alone felt much more natural to her. She had become a realist even though her gentle heart had never totally abandoned her ideals. For the most part, dreams happened for strong people. Normal people. She had been taught all her life that she was anything but normal. The best that she could hope for was not to be noticed, not to be found out. She had been hiding all her life. Then a spunky young woman had walked into her world, into her heart. Willow hadn’t made her feel normal either; she’d made her feel cherished.
You made me believe, Tara told Willow in her mind. “You said yourself it was just a story.”
“It was supposed to be.” He empathized the middle word. “But then you and Willow took a magic carpet ride.” Spike smirked. “No pun intended.” She eyed him then started walking away once more.
He kept pace with her. “Wait a minute.” She didn’t. “You and Red were given something tonight. You don’t ask questions when something like that happens and you don’t just throw it away.”
“I’m n-not trying to throw anything away.” Tara felt turned around, like someone had spun her and spun her and there was nothing left now but the dizziness.
He took her arm lightly and pointed in the direction of Buffy’s house. “Then why the hell aren’t you marching yourself to Buffy’s front door and staking your claim?”
“Because I don’t treat the people I love like possessions.” Her voice was just as fiery as his. The first snaps on her control beginning to break. She willed herself to soften. “Love isn’t about possessing someone.”
“Not even if that’s exactly what they want?” The vampire shot back. She didn’t answer him. His newfound respect for her waned. It was none of his business, of course. Still, she had just nailed him to the wall, and her attitude seemed at least mildly hypocritical. “You’re all on about what I do and don’t know… well I know this, if you love someone, you forgive them. That’s the way it works.”
“I have forgiven her.” Tara had told herself that she had a long time ago, but the anger had still been there, burning on a slow wick. Tonight, though, she could feel that fire being put out. Tara understood now, and while it didn’t erase the fear, it did still the anger. She just wanted to go home. Or to go to Willow. But she couldn’t could she, not while she was this afraid. Afraid of the future that was creeping up towards her. A life with Willow, a life always being unsure and doubting Willow. Or a life without Willow. What if she chose to go to the bridge but the fear of betrayal never left her? She would make Willow believe, and yet never be able to offer her beloved all of her heart. “I n-need to go.”
“Right. You head on home, little girl. This whole love thing is for us big kids.” Tara lowered her head, feeling the war inside her between that part of her that loved Willow desperately and that part that only wanted to be safe and unafraid reach a fever pitch. She refused to cry in front of the vampire, but tears swelled none the less. He took one step closer to her, his face quieter – honest instead of sardonic. “The whole universe is turning itself inside out so that you two can have a chance to be together.”
“I know that.” Tara bit out. “I know it and I can’t stop doubting.” Her voice was louder then she’d intended it to be. “I spent my entire life s-studying magic, and the only reason that I found out she cast a spell on me was because of luck. I didn’t even know she was in trouble with the magic until it was too late.” The revelation surprised them both. She had been thinking such things for a long time, but never voiced them. It had just blurted out.
Spike didn’t know anything about Willow casting a spell on Tara, but he’d been walking the earth long enough to add a few details together. After all it wasn’t every day he woke up and thought he was related to Giles. Inwardly he shuddered at the memory. “Welcome to planet earth. People doubt everything. Nothing to be done about it.”
“I didn’t doubt Willow. Not until… b-but I doubted everyone else.” She realized she wasn’t talking to him. Her mind was trying to sort itself out. He just happened to be standing there. “I never expected her to give up the magic. No one in my life has ever…” She shook her head. “She was always there, loving me. It changed everything. And then… everything changed back. Now, I’m facing the jump knowing how much it hurts when you fall. I hate that I’m not sure… t-that I can give as m-much as she’s given me. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to face the fall again.”
Spike’s jaw worked. He gave a long sigh. “Look, it’s none of my business but you’re acting like a stupid git. If you love her, then there’s nothing you won’t try to be with her. If you don’t, then…” He lifted his shoulders in a large shrug. “Like I said. Don’t care. Just mildly curious.”
So simple, the way Spike put it. Willow had stood by her, saved her. Just this once, she wanted so much to be there for Willow. She doubted her own courage and the vigour of her heart. Her ex-partner understood the price for offering a heart. It was everything. If she could find the strength to go to the bridge, that was exactly what she’d be risking.
********************************************
“I know you guys have good points.” Willow conceded. “I'm not all go-misery- it’s- your birthday, but I’ve made my decision on this.”
“I don’t like how unpredictable this has been so far.” Buffy grumbled in agitation. She was pacing. Again. “Me Slayer. This Sunnydale. Unpredictable bad.”
Willow’s green eyes were luminous. “I have to follow through with this.” It was almost enough to sway her friends, but they were worried.
“I keep thinking worst case scenario and I think… Willow in blue treeland… FOREVER.” Xander noted in agitation.
“It isn’t just you, Will.” The slayer noted for at least the tenth time. “You’re putting Tara at risk too.”
Willow had to admit that possibility was a bit daunting. “So far, everything in the Legend has come true.” Her brow furrowed. “The Legend doesn’t say that Tara is at risk.”
“Reality check. Just you in possible peril is not a good thing. And Will, if something happened to you, she’d have our heads.” Xander reasoned. He and Buffy both had on their most somber expressions. “Maybe literally. I’ve seen her use an axe.” He was using humor to diffuse things as he always did. The truth was that he didn’t relish the idea of going to Tara with any such bad news. Besides, no one knew this, but a few days after the now infamous break up, Tara had asked him to give his word that he’d look after Willow for her. He’d promised.
The ex-demon among them frowned suddenly. “Do you think we should go to Tara’s and offer her some spaghetti? Stress can often be relieved by eating a healthy meal and having pleasant company.”
Her fiancé gave her a long-suffering look. “No more Oprah.” Xander told her sternly. “Still my little homemaker has a point. Let’s get Tara over here and figure this out.”
“No!” Willow cried out. “Okay, meddling done. You all have your hearts in the right place, and I know we’re a team… but this is between Tara and I. I want to do this. And whatever Tara decides, I don’t want her to decide it because she’s worrying about me.” She gave her friends a beseeching look. “I have to trust that everything will be okay. I have to believe.”
Those kinds of odds were too vague for the slayer. “What if you’re wrong? We don’t really know the source of the magic. What if it seems all romantic but really it’s…”
There was no doubt now in Willow and it shone in her gaze. “It’s worth it. It’s Tara, Buffy. Capital T. Capital A. Capital ‘Rah.’” She grabbed her coat and moved toward the door. She noted Dawn was sitting on the stairs even though the teenager had been ordered to bed some time ago. The red head paused to kiss her cheek. “It’s gonna be okay, Dawnie.” She said quietly. She moved to the door and closed it quietly behind her. Xander and Buffy exchanged a look and instantly Buffy pointed to Dawn, indicating she would handle that and she motioned Xander outside. Xander moved to follow his lifelong friend. Jogging out the door after her. “Not to sound all B-western but - don’t try and stop me.” Willow said without even looking at him. He fell into step beside her.
“I just thought maybe you’d like a big strong man type to walk you there.” Xander answered.
“A big strong man and one kick ass slayer.” Came a voice from the doorway of the house. Willow grinned at Buffy. “The ex-demon would like to have come, but she’s baby-sitting the ex-key.”
Xander shook his head in sudden awe. “We’re a motley crew, we Scoobies.”
“You sure about this, Will?” The slayer had to ask one more time.
Willow’s smile became soft at the edges and her eyes lit up, as if just the thought of Tara filled her with joy. “I love her.”
Together they started off into the night. By Xander’s watch it was only about Eleven thirty. Plenty of time to get to a bridge that was ten minutes away. Her two best friends promised Willow they would disappear as soon as Tara showed. No one was willing to bring up the possibility of what happened if Tara didn’t show. They were only about three or four minutes from the bridge when Buffy suddenly stopped.
The redhead knew that look and paled. Trouble in River City. Bad guys somewhere nearby, and likely watching them. Buffy had a sixth sense about these things.
“No. Not now.” Willow said. It was a wish, a prayer, a humble but heartfelt request. The slayer opened her mouth to say something comforting, but she didn’t get a chance.
Two vampires suddenly charged. Buffy pivoted, intercepting one and kicking him in the face. Xander moved towards the other but was backhanded for his trouble. The young man tried to return a blow in kind but his fist was grabbed. He suddenly realized that whoever this vampire was, he was a good foot and a half taller and a hundred pounds heavier. In fact both of the un-dead attackers could have passed for professional football players. The demon dropped on top of Xander and opened his mouth to enjoy a bite, but Buffy grabbed him by his collar and drug him off.
“No. No. No.” Willow muttered again. It was right about that time that she felt a blow to her face.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited February 10, 2002).]
by Pixie » Sat Feb 09, 2002 5:48 pm
I hope your Mom is doing well and getting the treatment she needs. Sending you good vibes!
by RomanceJunky » Sat Feb 09, 2002 7:10 pm
Thanks for the nice, big and meaty update! Really liked the continued coversation between Tara and Spike. I think the confrontation with him was just what she needed to open her eyes a bit and really SEE the big picture. To back away a bit from 'self', to see the sacrifices made, and then to see another piece of the truth, "I hate that I'm not sure...t-that I can give as m-much as she's given me..."
Excellent.
Spike has such a talent for cutting to the chase, "If you love her, then there's nothing you won't try to be with her."
Also loved the perfectly placed taunt, "Right. You head on home, little girl." It stopped her dead in her tracks. This man know how to push some serious buttons! And with the artistic control of a Barrymore he delievers the next blow with a velvet glove, "The whole universe is turning itself inside out so you two can have a chance to be together."
Beautiful.
Thanks Baby!!!
RJ---YW,SH...
by Scout » Sat Feb 09, 2002 8:03 pm
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