by Rane » Thu Jan 03, 2002 11:36 am
i want to finish this story asap. takes too much of my time thinking about it. i'm shopping or at the cinema with friends and all i can think about it how to write a certain scene, what to do, what to say... very bizarre to be off in your own little world. so, after this little hurdle i should be back to daily posts. maybe more. stay strong, y'all!
edited to add: FINALLY!!!! OOOH! i'm GAY NOW!!!! woo hoo!
[This message has been edited by Rane (edited January 03, 2002).]
by Rane » Thu Jan 03, 2002 1:16 pm
anyhoo, i was asked how/why it was that i wrote willow and her situation, was i following the show's nil *coming out* process or was i projecting my own experience? Well, i'm writing it both ways. the show showed she was scared about it after everything that happened, when she was talking to buffy about it in *primevil*. but until then you just saw willow openly reach out and want to be with tara.
Willow and Tara have got to be the most romantic couples ever on television (biased, i know) and we saw that in TR. they woke up apart and gravitated towards each other. i found it interesting how tara knew right away she liked willow and how it was willow who leaned to kiss her after her *i'm kinda gay* comment. she quickly accepted it and moved on to the next step. very willow, she did the same with Oz and Xander.
that's how i wanted to write her here too but having this take place in between season 4-ish and 5-ish it's kinda hard to make references to that ep. Willow's smart, she's quick, she's analitical as well as emotional. i'm like that. (hehe... now i sound like an egotist) i never had problems coming to terms with my own fluidity, i was more concerned about my family and friends.
so, that's my explanation for this next part. i was in the process of writing this when i got the much appreciated email. how coinkidinky, huh?
but some may not agree with what i've written, some may, it may just be a total bomb but at least i'm trying to explain.
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Four hours later Buffy was still gone, and Willow hadn’t been able to fall asleep yet. It wasn’t that Buffy’s comforting presence was not there. She was used to being alone in their shared dorm room at night, Buffy frequently staying over at Riley’s. And, after all, she did have six campers quietly snorting and snoring in the cabin. It wasn’t the demon that they had run into last night either. That was just another night for her in Sunnydale, she’d sadly gotten used to things like that happening.
She had tried counting backwards by three, she tried breathing techniques Buffy used to focus when training, she even mentally told herself a story about princess’ and fairies but her brain was on overdrive and crowded with thoughts. Multi layered thoughts about Tara.
She was carefully thinking about her feelings for Tara from every angle. She used her scientific method, she pondered her mother’s academic feminist discourse, she though about what her friends would think, what society would think, but most of all she listened to her heart.
Her heart kept telling her it was ok, that she was ok. She was normal, a bit on the geeky side, but normal. Plus, she’d had feelings like these before, never thinking them wrong or bad while growing up. It was something she thought every girl went through. She’d have short-lived crushes on boys and girls and, even though never directed specifically at her, some of her mother’s lectures on hormones and the growing sexual experimentation in teenagers made it seem like it was part of the ritual of adolescence. After all, youth were always confused about something.
She’d never acted on her feelings, not that she would have if she could. She had been so shy, so inexperienced, her sexual drive awakening at a leisurely pace. By the time she hit high school she was ready to pop, but was still reserved in her bookish ways. Her crush on Xander seemed like a form of escapism for her now. Something she knew was unattainable and therefore she didn’t have to worry about being so innocent. She could not get hurt. But she had hurt. She had been very hurt when he began to crush on Buffy after her arrival in Sunnydale, she’d been crushed when he began to secretly fool around with Cordelia, and she’d been devastated when he slept with Faith. She felt he never really saw her, she’d been his best friend since childhood and he didn’t see her until it was too late.
And Oz. Sometimes, wanting to be liked and loved was something she craved. She thought she had been in love with Xander and wanted to hurt him like he hurt her. It all seemed so childish and selfish now. She knew Oz liked her from the moment they talked in the career fair at school. And even though he was completely aware that Willow was using him to get back at Xander, he stuck by her. He waited for her. Even when she had tried to seduce him with Barry White music and sexy outfits, he waited for her to be ready give herself completely to him. Even after she and Xander cheated with each other during a fluke and broke Oz’s heart, he never abandoned her. He forgave her. And she’d worked hard to get him back, to gain his trust again, but no wonder he’d said that to her tonight, ‘I realized I wasn’t what you really needed.’
But what did she need? What did she want? She wanted everything that Tara was slowly giving her. It wasn’t just the growing friendship or the magick, Tara the person was something she needed and wanted. It scared her to be thinking this way about her after only knowing her over a week. But why should it? She’d read about love at first sight and knew the soul mate theory, but did she believe in them? The connection between her and Tara had been strong since the start, like old friends reuniting. Old souls reuniting for another chance.
Willow’s thoughts were interrupted as Buffy quietly entered the cabin. She quickly sat up on her bed and whispered, “Anything demon-y?”
Buffy looked tired, worn out. “No. It was probably a hitchhiker.” She said as she kicked off her shoes with her feet.
“A hitchhiker?”
Buffy yawned as she sat on the corner of Willow’s bed and contorted and stretched her upper body. “We checked the busses and underneath the campers bus we found some yucky, yucky residue. Looks like it was trying to get out of Sunnydale. Silly demon… What are you doing up?”
Willow was wondering if she’d ever had a crush on Buffy. “Huh? Oh, couldn’t sleep.” She knew she found her attractive, Buffy was gorgeous. But she never felt attracted to her. Buffy was her best friend and she couldn’t even begin to think of her that way. It gave her the chills.
“Demon or Willow thoughts keeping you up?” Buffy asked as she yawned again. Once she realized Willow wasn’t really paying attention to her she voiced, “Definitely Willow thoughts.”
“What?” Willow asked, suddenly hearing the Slayers voice again.
Buffy chuckled as she stood up. “Goodnight, Will.”
“Bye.” Willow watched her head to the half bathroom in the back of the cabin. Interestingly enough, she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.
***********************
A Taraless Sunday filled with outdoorsy cabin activities and a mini Scooby meeting to discuss the hitchhiking demon hypothesis dragged into Monday. With Monday came round robins and Tara. With Tara, a return to discreet looks and soft giggles between the two took place as the campers readied themselves for their horsie outing through the hills. Both girls tried purposefully to stop themselves from gazing at each other too long, from speaking without words, from reaching out and simply touching.
During the after lunch break Willow was forced to participate in the camper auditions and Tara sweetly surprised her by passing by the assembly hall and hanging out for a short time. How they would be able to produce the lively ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ with inexperienced teenagers in five weeks was beyond the blonde.
Later that night, at the bonfire, Tara listened as the Scoobies swapped telling stories about themselves and life in Sunnydale, tales about high school hell and demons dominated. Contemplating the Scoobies interaction, Tara was getting to understand each one of them more than they’d ever know.
Sitting next to Willow, she ached for an innocent touch. It was agonizingly hard for Tara to not scoop up the redhead’s hand and entwine their fingers, pressing their palms together. She lovingly watched Willow make outrageous hand gestures or how her face would light up when excited as she told a particular part of a story. She’d observe the shadow of the fire flames flickering over her silhouette and how her red hair surrounded her sweet face when she laughed.
Along the same lines, Willow would over-exaggerate stretching her upper body once in a while just to have the simple second of her hand or arm brushing softly against Tara. She’d unceasingly pull her hair behind her right ear just to be able to turn her head towards Tara and see her sitting next to her. She’d do this every few minutes and smile.
Halfway through the bonfire Riley and Buffy decided to have a mini patrol over the campgrounds and Buffy was very fixed on walking Tara to her car. Although Tara revealed she’d never seen any demons in the area, the blonde was more than happy to have a super hero for an escort. You know, just in case.
As the four of them took off towards the front of the camp, Riley and Buffy walked ahead of Tara and Willow. The two witches would steal precious silent mini kisses with sneakiness whenever they could. At one point Willow accidentally tripped over her own foot and Tara caught her mid air. The blonde’s swift reflexes and strength at surprised all of them and she just shyly smiled as her gaze turned to the ground. Willow sighed dreamily as she watched her blush under the moonlight.
Wanting desperately to kiss Tara goodnight Willow had to settle for a friendly hug once they reached her truck. She inhaled her vanilla scent one last time before pulling away. She knew she would be dreaming in vanilla again that night.
*************************
TBC...
hope you liked... toodles!
by Charlie » Thu Jan 03, 2002 1:57 pm
*Sighs and wanders off to finish her own fic in a romantic mood*
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"Appalling. Almost as if they no longer believe money can buy happiness..."
by xita » Thu Jan 03, 2002 2:27 pm
by The Rose » Thu Jan 03, 2002 2:33 pm
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Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.
Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl!
by Warduke » Thu Jan 03, 2002 2:37 pm
by Quill » Thu Jan 03, 2002 3:00 pm
by lurker1.0 » Thu Jan 03, 2002 3:10 pm
by Kittie17 » Thu Jan 03, 2002 3:18 pm
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Todo lo que necesitamos es sentido comun y eso no puede ser enseñado
by orion » Thu Jan 03, 2002 6:16 pm
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"Okay, thats a little blacker then I like my arts" -Willow Dopplegangland
by willow_thebadasswitch » Thu Jan 03, 2002 6:56 pm
Excellent Rane, I must say!
by Fuzz » Thu Jan 03, 2002 8:23 pm
Could you tell me why I love when Tara caught Willow from falling so much..
Tara's strength? oooohhhhhhhh! *blush*
*Fuzz*
by tommo » Thu Jan 03, 2002 8:45 pm
I'm watching Tabula Rasa right now and hell, this fits with your story so perfectly.
Thanks.
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"Bitter, party of one. Bitter, party of one." she muttered... ~ Four Months After by Capt. Murdock
by The Rose » Thu Jan 03, 2002 9:48 pm
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Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.
Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl!
by lurker1.0 » Thu Jan 03, 2002 9:53 pm
This story has a very high 'awwww' factor.
by Katharyn » Thu Jan 03, 2002 10:29 pm
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Lonewolf » Fri Jan 04, 2002 12:29 am
Lonewolf
[This message has been edited by Lonewolf (edited January 04, 2002).]
by nika » Fri Jan 04, 2002 1:06 am
by Rane » Fri Jan 04, 2002 1:47 am
Charlie!- I'm so loving your fic and for me to have you tell me i put you in a romantic mood is lovely! yay!
xita- i'm trying to do parallels but this being AU is kinda hard too.
lurker- hi! nice to meet you! you are the second lurker i know who has registered to reply to a fic. i'm so glad you are enjoying the fic. this board rocks!
ruth, *hugs* i hope you're having a better day today.
and everyone else, I feel horrible i cant type them all down! *hugs*! as for writing tara thoughts the story has so far been told semi 3rd person with 1st person. or maybe its 2nd person with 1st? i dont know. point is i was trying to keep the same narrative flow to the fic and going into Tara thoughts would be disruptive. i was planning on tara POV at one point in the story but i'm not sure yet. i'll have to think about that. i dont know if i've ever tackled tara thoughs before.
and now i am off to beta canadian kitty's rocking fic! just you wait until she posts it cause you'll love it.
hope you enjoy this update. as usual all mistakes mine and feedback appreciated.
*************************
The next couple of days were filled with typical camp activities. Everything was good, everyone was happy and having fun. But, by mid morning on Thursday a torrential downpour began and all of the activities for the day were canceled until further notice.
Everyone wallowed in their cabins, especially Buffy and Willow. Growing restless they began to play card games like Uno and Go Fish with their campers but after an hour Willow decided she’d had enough of the indoors. She needed to get out.
In a hurry, she stood up and grabbed her raincoat. Throwing it above her clothes Buffy asked what she was doing, and when she’d replied she was going for a walk the Slayer looked at her like she was deranged.
“It’s raining.” Buffy reminded her.
“Yes, that is why I am wearing my poncho.” Willow replied as she gathered up her umbrella and shoved a letter she that had written to Tara in her jean pocket.
“Well, can I go out too?” Jenn asked as she stood up from her bed.
“No.” Buffy told her camper. “It’s raining.”
“Well, why can Willow go out?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest. Two other girls had stood up next to Jenn and waited for an answer.
“Willow’s a counselor, you’re a camper.” Buffy spelled out. “Besides, I don’t want any of you getting pneumonia.” She said trying to think of a good excuse.
“Pneumonia is a virus. You can’t catch a virus by being out in the rain.” Jamie responded timidly as she too stood up with her cabin mates. Weevil grins slowly began to spread across all the camper’s faces.
Buffy’s eyes widened realizing there was soon to be mutiny in cabin 7 and looked over at Willow. “Will?” she asked expecting her best friend to back her up.
Willow smiled wryly, “Sorry, Buff, but Jamie’s right.”
As soon as they realized what that meant all six girls began to shriek and run towards the cabin door. Buffy held up her arms in exasperation as the girls ran out in to the rain and began to cavort merrily and jump on puddles, splashing each other.
Buffy glared at Willow who simply shrugged her shoulders and grinned. “See ya later, Buffy.”
“You’re cleaning up all the mud in the cabin when you get back, missy!” Buffy yelled at the redhead as she strolled out. The Slayer looked out the cabin window at her girls jollity. “Oh, what the heck.” she sighed as she too stepped out into the rain.
************************
“Tara?” Willow asked as she opened up the large sliding door to the stables. Once she entered and closed the door behind her, she proceeded to take off her raincoat. She threw aside the umbrella that had since been twisted inside out by the power of the winds outside. Even the metal bar was bent. She began to shiver slightly as her hair was drenched and so was her yellow “Hello Kitty” shirt.
“Tara?” she asked again as a bolt of lighting crashed and thunder rolled.
She could sense the horses were nervous, they were neighing and kicking the wooden walls. “Shhh, horsies. It’s ok. It’s just a storm.” She tired to comfort them as she tentatively walked further into the darkened barn. “A really loud storm, with lightning and rain and… Tara? Are you here?” she asked a little louder this time. She was nervous too, the thunder was very loud and frightening.
“Will?” Came a muffled voice from the back. “Come here, but be quiet.” She heard Tara express.
Willow sighed in relief, delighted Tara was there. “Ok, but where are you?” she asked as she walked towards the rear.
“In the back.” She said in a hushed tone.
“I know in the back, but where?” Willow said, her voice a bit apprehensive. “It’s kinda dark.”
From the shadows, Willow saw emerging from behind a back wall a small flickering flame. Once she saw Tara smiling at her Willow calmed down. “Come here, I want to show you.” Tara whispered aloud as she held on to an oil burning lamp with her right hand. “In here.” She motioned with her head.
Tara’s beautiful features, always accentuated by firelight, clouded Willow’s mind. She tried hard to remember how to walk. As soon as the redhead reached her, the blonde took her hand and led Willow into a hidden area besides one of the enclosures.
“Uh, what are we doing?” she quietly asked as she gazed at Tara a bit puzzled about the hush hush moment. She noticed Tara was not responding and instead was staring down at the corner of the area with worried look on her face. Willow followed her gaze. Bundled up in the corner, in a large nest made of hay, were four kittens quietly crying out and climbing over each other. “Kittens!” Willow’s heart ached at the tiny size of them. “Oh, how cute! Lil’ kittens.”
“I wonder where their mommy is.” Tara downheartedly said as she moved closer to the kittens, pulling Willow with her. She set the lamp down on the wooden crate that cornered them.
“Maybe she got stuck in the rain.” Willow suggested as she knelt down besides Tara.
“A mother cat would never leave her kittens in such danger.”
Willow sadly smiled. Tara was so sensitive sometimes it hurt. “Well, maybe… I don’t know.” Willow slowly looked over to Tara and lovingly kissed her cheek. “How old do you think they are?” she said inhaling Tara’s scent.
“A day. They weren’t here yesterday.” She noticed Willow was slowly reaching out to touch them with the free hand. She immediately grabbed it and pulled it towards her own chest, holding it against her. “No, don’t. If their mommy comes back and she smells you on them she wont take care of them.” Willow looked over at Tara to ask why and noticed she was about to cry. “Or is that birds?… Willow?” she pleadingly looked over at the redhead.
Seeing Tara so afflicted like this brought tears to her eyes. “I don’t know.” She murmured. With her free hand she wiped a small tear rolling down Tara’s face. “It’s ok. We’ll take care of them. We’ll be their foster mommies if she doesn’t come back.” Not that Willow knew anything about taking care of kittens. The only pets she’d ever had were fish.
Tara began to brighten up as Willow’s words and caring touch soothed her nerves. She took a deep breath and nodded softly as she exhaled and smiled. Willow quickly pulled her into a hug and held her close.
“You’re cold.” Tara stated as she clutched the shivering redhead.
“A little.” Willow admitted.
“Your shirt is wet.” She mentioned as she pulled back, her hands on the redhead’s small hips.
“So’s my hair.” Willow said as she softly caressed Tara’s face. Her cold fingers stroking warm skin.
“You need to get warm.” Tara closed her eyes in delight as Willow’s hands casually traveled within her blonde hair. She was gently kneading her head now, something Tara loved.
“How?” Willow breathlessly asked, frosty shivers running up and down her spine even though her heart was heated.
Tara slowly opened her eyes and smiled. “Hold out your hand.” She said even though she didn’t want Willow to stop touching her. She never wanted Willow to stop touching her.
Willow wondered what she was going to do as she slowly retracted her right hand and held it out to Tara. She silently lowered her left hand and placed it on her thigh.
Tara held out her hand, palm to palm with Willow, and said, “Repeat after me… Calor humano.”
“Calor humano.” Willow whispered the foreign yet familiar words. ‘Human warmth’, she translated to herself.
Tara slowly enlaced their fingers and pressed their hands together. Willow instantly she began to feel tingling in her toes that slowly worked it’s way up her legs. Her body grew warmer by the second. Tara was warming her. She looked at their clasped hands and then back to Tara. By now the warmthness was reaching her chest, her shoulders, her neck, her face.
Both sighed loudly as soon as the spell was over and lowered their hands. Tara nervously looked over at the kittens that were now sleeping soundly while Willow stared at her.
“Tara?” Willow spoke in an undertone. “What was that?” she asked as she looked at their hands again.
“Just a little trick my mother taught me.” Tara replied as a stroke of lightning created a massive roll of thunder that reverberated through the barn.
Startled by the loud noise, Willow jumped in place and screamed. Tara chuckled at the sight. “Don’t laugh at me.” Willow pouted.
Tara gently shook her head. “You’re too cute.”
Willow smiled softly and ran her finger through her wet hair. “Maybe I should take off my shirt before I get cold again. Where’s your blanket?”
She asked knowing Tara kept a blanket and some pillows around.
As Tara stood up, Willow didn’t let go of her hand and gently tugged her down. Tara leaned over to and Willow kissed her lips. Willow held the blonde’s face close with her hands and intensified their kiss by gently forcing Tara’s mouth open with her tongue and entered her.
The taste of Willow threatened Tara’s knees to buckle underneath her and she held on by the redhead’s shoulder. She could feel her body burning and her throat let out a sweet moan.
Willow quickly opened her eyes as Tara pulled back. Had she just made Tara moan like that? That had to have been the most erotic sound she had ever heard in her life. As she watched Tara blush, her green eyes hastily glanced south. “Ooh, lovely Tara cleavage.” She grinned.
Tara playfully held the neck of her blouse against her chest. “Willow!” she giggled as she kissed her once more.
****************
TBC... (and no i'm not contuing it from right there unfortunately, you'll see)
[This message has been edited by Rane (edited January 04, 2002).]
by KittyKo » Fri Jan 04, 2002 2:02 am
by xita » Fri Jan 04, 2002 2:20 am
by lurker1.0 » Fri Jan 04, 2002 2:20 am
And Ahhh poor little lost kittens.
by delany » Fri Jan 04, 2002 3:11 am
by Divine Princess Fuchsia » Fri Jan 04, 2002 3:47 am
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''We HAVE to kill some cooler people'' - Sunday the cute vampire
''Those of you who fall into my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't will know me by the name my T.A's use and think I don't know about: The Evil Bitch Monster of Death''. - Maggie Walsh
by willow_thebadasswitch » Fri Jan 04, 2002 8:42 am
but great update, Rane. More kisses! Gotta love those.
teehee... I just learned how to work out the smileys. Sheesh!
[This message has been edited by willow_thebadasswitch (edited January 04, 2002).]
by mollyig » Fri Jan 04, 2002 9:01 am
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"But children robbed of love will dwell on magic"
Barbara Kingsolver - Animal Dreams
by Warduke » Fri Jan 04, 2002 9:15 am
by The Rose » Fri Jan 04, 2002 9:18 am
I loved the warmth spell. I guess Willow was
a breast gal even back then!!
More. Hurry please!!!!!
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Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.
Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl!
by nika » Fri Jan 04, 2002 9:20 am
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"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
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