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New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

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New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby delany » Thu Oct 18, 2001 11:29 pm


hey katharyn,

thanks for the litle summary there! lets me know what our girls have been up to previously.. i do have to say though..WOAH
the whole plethora of human emotions. well almost.(i'm sure there are some out there that my current state of mind will not let me comprehend)
the next chance i get of a nice bright sunny day, i'll lock myself in my dungeon wiv my puffer, some pringles and dr.pepper and read it from the beginning..


quote:
Originally posted by Katharyn:
Be advised part 21 is pretty explicit and is the pay off for alot more angst. If you don't want the explicit version there is a "fade out" shorter version I can e-mail to you.





thanks for the offer! but i'm sure that it's nothing this little puppy can't handle
*runs to part 21 to peek at the naughty bits*
oowee!! that boils my potaters..

delquote:

delany
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Forrister » Fri Oct 19, 2001 3:52 am

I've been digging? I wondered why I had this shovel in my backpack. I must have been distracted by the quality of your story at the time because I didn't notice.


Quod ero spero spei bonae atque animae.
(I hope that I shall be of good hope and courage.)

Forrister
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby WiccanBex » Fri Oct 19, 2001 9:09 am

the quality of your writing never changes does it? i mean, except to get better... there's none of that going backwards in terms of quality.

------------------
"if you throw a stone, something's gonna shatter somewhere. We're all so fragile, we're all so scared."
nocturnal review site

WiccanBex
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby emily 'first' » Sat Oct 20, 2001 6:42 am

okaay,don't know whether should say this...
its a 'dreecht' saturday afternoon,we're both sitting here reading your story and loving it!! (angst and all)-don't stop!!...we're insatiable!!.. more,more,MORE!

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 20, 2001).]

emily 'first'
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Sat Oct 20, 2001 6:48 am

quote:
Originally posted by emily 'first':
okaay,don't know whether should say this...

You can always say it Emily! Feedback junkie here...
Glad you like it.

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always
quote:

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Tempest819 » Sun Oct 21, 2001 9:44 am

Hey Kathryn,
So when I found this board you were already halfway through your story. So I figured I would wait until you fininshed it so I could have it all to read at once. But I couldn't wait and so I've finally caught up. Can I just say WOW. THis is an incredible ride. I loved getting to experience the whole Will/Tara relationship over again. The way you probe the minds of the characters shows how talented you are. Also I really hope you continue with that alternate reality fic because it really peaked my interest. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent and stories with us
Tempest819
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Sun Oct 21, 2001 10:28 am

Glad you dropped by tempest. Just to say that I would really love to read and support your fic adn that the only reason I am not is that I am restraining myself trying to remain absolutely unspoiled for S6(only about 30 weeks to go.) One day you may see it jump back up the board from the nether worlds when I can finally read it... don't be shocked. I suspect that this will become more and more of a problem for me... I think I will need to emigrate! (And the AU Sidestep story is in development already.)

Anyway thanks for the support on this monster of mine.

By the way kittens next part should post tomorrow barring disasters. Yeah, another Tara piece. Yeah more angst, but the part that follows that is Willow so there is respite in sight and I have been putting some "research" in on the Willowhand fic so that is coming along nicely too.*S*

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 21, 2001).]

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Sun Oct 21, 2001 10:04 pm

Part 36 Kittens. Once more Tara. Once more Angst. Once more she is feeling a little sorry for herself... but that changes very, very soon now. YOu may think I am overegging the pudding (and I kind of agree!) but there is a masterplan... not that it is a great plan,or even a good one. But it is a plan.

Enjoy

Katharyn

---------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Being Outside (Part 36)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Real Me.” As standard spoilers for “facts” revealed in “Family.”
Summary: Tara and (some) Willow stuff throughout “The Real Me” a few small scenes strung together – hopefully with a coherent theme. Part 3 of Tara’s building concerns and fears.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: Aspects of the first two sections of this part were lifted direct from the episode “The Real Me” which had far too much great stuff (for my purposes) to need to make all of this up myself. The lines were taken from the transcript to the episode found at http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de/ though I have removed the Dawn voiceover which accounts for the gaps. Anything beyond the spoken lines is just my interpretation, though I have also inserted some lines that could have occurred off camera.
The Mr Bogarty giving Tara a job during the summer is purely a product of earlier parts of this fic.
The next one isn’t angsty I promise. And it is a Willow fic (she has been missing a while!!)
Thanks To: All the kittens out there who are sticking with this thing of mine and I think it is about time I mentioned the mods again for their work in keeping these boards we call home so wonderful. L, off on business again when this is posted. Thinking of you…


The Beginnings Cycle

Being Outside

By

Katharyn Rosser


There was such a thing as being over-protective, but then if you were a Slayer and were responsible for trying to save the entire world pretty regularly then it must be kind of hard to ease down when it came to your own sister. Perhaps it was better that a slayer was overprotective; it wouldn’t do to have a blasé slayer. That would get people killed.

At least that was Tara’s reasoning for the way that Buffy dragged Dawn out of the magic shop. Ok so there was a dead body, but Dawn had grown up in the Summer’s house. The place where reportedly zombie cats considerably less cute than Miss Kitty liked to visit. The place where various vamps had decided to leave their calling cards. Where mobs had chased people into the basement. And a whole lot of other stuff. Maybe if Buffy had just asked Dawn to wait outside then she would have gone… rather than giving an order.

Rather than having to drag her out there. It just seemed a little… harsh.

But then this wasn’t just some dead monster. It was a real live… well dead… human. It was Mr Bogarty. And that was a different matter. It was a person. It could have been any person, but it was a representation of the failure of the slayer in her sacred duty. That had to make Buffy touchy – even though it was nothing she could have done anything about it. Besides Dawn was Buffy’s little sister – not hers - so perhaps she should just keep her thoughts to herself. Which she was doing, them being thoughts and all. But perhaps she shouldn’t even be thinking them. They were unworthy of all the good Buffy had done. But still…

Poor Mr Bogarty. The man who had given Tara a, well-paid, job during the summer. A good-natured man who had retired from thirty years in industry to pursue his dream and instead found his nightmare. She hadn’t known him well, but she felt the loss of the man who she had seen every few days and who’d let her explore the shop, even before the job, learning stuff without actually purchasing. Which was more than just nice. It was the sort of person he was. Devoted to his customers.

Had been.

He was another person who only existed in the past tense now. But you didn’t have to be dead to achieve that. Some unfortunates could be alive and still be past tense. Sort of alive anyway.

Death could come to anyone here in Sunnydale, it didn’t respect whether you were nice, or nasty. Good or evil. Interesting or boring. It was indiscriminate. Someone you didn’t like – or someone you loved. And that wasn't a reassuring thought but it was how destiny worked she guessed.

Destiny sucked, Tara thought, reflecting once more on her own. She tried not to be so selfish, but it just kept bubbling up. As the day approached every little thing was reminding her. Everything and everyone she would miss.

The Scoobies knew better than to actually disturb My Bogarty’s body. The police would eventually have been called, but they were completely comfortable looking at it, examining the dead shopkeeper and starting to reveal their conclusions. “Feeding frenzy,” “pack,” “we’ll stop them” were all phrases that Tara heard them say as she watched them at work and then gradually fan out over the shop.

It was like a well-oiled investigative Scooby machine. They were so used to this. Death and what to do with it. Perhaps that was what marked her as an outsider here. She could still look at the body and say “Poor Mr Bogarty.” That wasn't something that they consciously thought of until she had said the words, when they agreed - and meant it. But it hadn’t been their first reaction.

She didn’t doubt that they felt it, that they regretted his death. She knew that they would do their best to stop the vampires responsible and not just for Mr Bogarty – they would do it for everyone who had been or might become a victim. But it was still all very professional. Tara wasn't sure if she ever wanted to find herself being that cold after doing this long enough.

Maybe I won’t have any choice about being cold.

Maybe I’ll even be doing the killing.

But still the thought had again sprung to mind that she could of had a future here… even if she had worries about that future. How could she not worry?

She couldn’t look at Mr Bogarty any more and listen to the Scooby humour that, she guessed got them through such times, and besides Dawn was all alone outside so she made her excuses and left the shop, feeling Willow’s worried gaze on her briefly before her love went back to the investigation as she left. First things first sweetie, she thought as the door swung closed behind her, you can’t worry about me, you have important stuff to help with.

‘Dawn?’ Tara called. Had she wandered off? ‘Dawn?’

Dawn was sat, resting against the wall. She looked upset. And that was something that people around the Scoobies had to treasure. Being able to feel upset even if it was not nice to do so. You didn’t want to find yourself not caring about the individuals.

‘Dawn. You okay?’

‘Is ... Is that guy dead in there?’ Dawn asked her the earlier excitement of being involved with the gang dulled by the realisation of what that actually meant. Not to mention that weird guy and his catty rambling.

Tara nodded. ‘Yeah.’ There was not much more to say about that so she sat down next to the girl… young woman by Dawn’s own estimation but a girl nonetheless. She should stay a girl as long as she could and not be in any hurry. The world did not get any better when you were grown up. ‘They're gonna be a little while longer, doing the detective thing. Best non-scoobies like you and me stay out of the way.’

This was the cold-hard edge of being a Scooby. Maybe it was interesting to do the research - she had learnt a lot herself. Maybe it was kind of fun to take part in solving the problem. Maybe there was a big reward to be had in feeling useful, in knowing that you were stopping evil and saving the world. And she loved being able to share it all with Willow. But this… this part was in no way fun. It was the reality. It was the reason. And she didn’t like it very much. It felt like failure. That they had failed to protect Mr Bogarty against the evil. So what if they had never known, never had a chance. That was how it felt. And it was never nice to be reminded of what failure meant.

To be reminded that someone had to pay the price. This was no one’s actual fault. The Scooby gang hadn’t known about a gang of vamps they could only react. So often that was the case. But Mr Bogarty was dead anyway. That was the reality of the world. And to Tara it still felt like a failure. Okay so they helped save the entire world but what was that worth when a nice man like that shopkeeper still died?

Dawn nodded, agreeing that they should keep out of the way, her curiousity overwhelmed by the way the world was. At least for now. They sat quietly for a few moments perhaps both reflecting on the loss of Mr Bogarty’s life. But that sort of thing could suck you down into despair. Maybe coping with that was the start of a real Scooby-like attitude. Still…

‘Do you wanna thumb-wrestle?’ she asked Dawn.

Dawn nodded in reply. ‘Okay.’

They joined their hands and even in the triviality of the game there was a connection with another person that let both of them feel a little better. For her own part Tara wasn't sure that she should feel better. It felt wrong to feel better.

It’s that Scooby thing creeping up on you, she told herself.

Or something else. Something much worse.

--------------

‘Poor Dawn,’ Tara said as she unpacked Willow’s toiletries.

Willow turned and looked at her love in the mirror.

‘She was pretty shaken up.’ I was pretty shaken up too, she wanted to say, but not as much as I should have been – which was what stopped her. What did that mean?

‘Well, sure. Bloody death and stuff’ Willow replied.

Bloody death and stuff. Is that all Mr Bogarty’s life boiled down to. “Bloody death and stuff” and a young girl to whom the victim was a stranger and who felt that death more keenly than even I did, Tara asked herself. And can she continue to be allowed to feel that? Should Dawn be toughened up?

What is happening to me that I can even ask that question? Scooby cynicism or…

What was worse? Being excluded from everything that was happening around you. Being protected. Innocence and naivity being maintained at the expense of exclusion. Or coming to accept something like a death with professional concern rather than grief? Buffy wanted Dawn to be tougher, more careful and more grown up, but then couldn’t let Dawn do that by showing her the world as it really was. It was a tough choice to make and Buffy’s concern for Dawn seemed to override the inclination she had to toughen her up.

‘She'll be okay,’ Willow said, really believing it. Dawn would be okay. She was Summer’s woman and they were tough cookies.

Maybe being alone and excluded was worse, Tara thought. When Dawn saw even someone like me becoming involved just because of who I happen to love… but then was not being trusted herself to do anything… Not even to be exposed to what was the reality of the world in Sunnydale when Buffy was constantly telling her that she needed to be more aware… ‘It's just ... I, I think it's tough for her, not being able to ... well, allowed to, you know, help.’ That did seem to be Dawn’s point of view. Actually if she was allowed to do anything she might even lose interest in the “forbidden.” But at least she would be included and have a chance to form her own opinion.

Willow continued unpacking her stuff ‘Help?’

‘Oh, you. You guys. The slayer circle.’ She hadn’t meant to exclude herself from that then. She had meant to say “us.” But that wouldn’t have been accurate would it? NO not really. For some reason she was outside of that circle. And whether that was her choice or not, she didn’t really know.

‘Well, Buffy doesn't really need ... a-and I think Dawn's a little young,’ Willow told her.

‘I-I know, you're right.’ Dawn was young. She deserved to be protected from what was out there. But you couldn’t have all things could you? Sometimes you couldn’t even have the one thing that you wanted. ‘It's just hard. That outsider feeling,’ Tara told Willow and knew that she had triggered something in her love. The way Willow sucked in her breath told Tara that she was worried. It was the smallest gesture, but it told her so much.

Tara didn’t need to see the concern in Willow’s face as she looked at her from the other side of the room. She had known it was there.

‘Tara ... you're not an outsider,’ Willow told the other woman, trying to sound persuasive and comforting at the same time. Did Tara really feel that? Did she really feel that she was not a part of the group? She had never really thought about it. I just assumed… Willow admitted to herself.

‘Well, yeah. I kinda am.’ As Tara saw it there was no other truth there. And it wasn’t the group that was at fault – at least in her own mind. She had to shoulder the responsibility for whatever isolation she felt. She didn’t let herself get close. For lot’s of reasons. Reasons that shifted in importance.

Willow crossed the room towards Tara. ‘No, you're not.’

‘Willow, it's okay.’ And it was. She had Willow and that was all that mattered. What else they both did… that was something else. ‘Where does this go?’ She knew that the inane question wasn't going to divert Willow from the mission of making her feel better. Sometimes though it was nice to be on the receiving end of such concern. Willow would tell her such wonderful, kind things to make her feel more secure in herself.

She’d miss it when Willow couldn’t do that anymore.

‘Somebody making you feel uncomfortable? Is it Xander? It's Xander, isn't it?’ Willow could, right at that moment, cheerfully strangle Xander – or the offending party. How dare they make Tara, Tara of all people, feel like an outsider.

‘No, Xander’s a sweetie.’

‘It’s Giles! It's cause he’s ... British and doesn't understand about stuff.’ Blame it on the Brit. What was worse though was that Willow knew that she had not sensed any of this, noticed it or seen it coming. She had thought Tara was ok with the Scooby stuff. That she felt good about it.

‘It's no one,’ Tara reassured her as she continued to unpack wanting to have something to do that wasn’t this. This was her immediate future. As the day came closer she knew that more of their precious time was going to be spent talking about little things that were going wrong… It would be a waste. ‘You guys all just have this really tight bond. It's-it's hard to break into that. And I'm not even sure I want to.’

For so many reasons that was true. The lure of the darker powers. What was coming… the loss of the ability to feel about a person that you didn’t even know. Not people. Not the world. But a single person. Any person. That was the point. She didn’t want to have to start thinking of the big picture at the expense of the smallest one. And to be a Scooby, a real Scooby then you had to. There was no other way… She just wasn't sure if she wanted that.

Tara watched Willow in the mirror. Saw her come up behind her and then felt those safe, comforting arms around her waist and the chin rest on her shoulder. This was it. This was precisely it.

‘I'm sure.’ Willow told her.

Tara puts her hands over Willow’s and that was the whole point. The ability to feel for one person. They still had that. But not for any person. Not for anyone. But they didn’t even know that they had lost it and if they did… it would be outweighed by the good they did. But for Tara any slip down that path… it could be the start of the end.

‘You're completely one of the gang now. Everyone accepts that,’ Willow continued.

Maybe. Maybe they do. But kind of not the point that I was making – if only to myself. Still it was good to be reassured. To be comforted. To be held. She couldn’t help herself - she had to smile.

‘You're one of the good guys,’ Willow finished.

Oh Willow, now why did you have to go and say that? Why? Because you don’t know any different. I never told you. Tara let the smile fade and gently stepped away from the embrace and went back to unpacking.

----------

‘How… how is she?’ Tara asked Xander who was sat outside a room in the hospital, no doubt on a watching brief that Tara never wanted to duplicate for her own love.

‘The doctor is back in with her now – more tests. She's okay, I mean they say she is and she seems pretty okay. She hit her head when went down… you know what happened?’ Xander asked her.

‘We got a call to uninvite Harmony… then we found out Dawny was gone and Anya was hurt.’ Tara paused. ‘I couldn’t help with Dawn so…’

‘Yeah, Buffy is going to tear Harmony a new one. Someone has to.’

That might, thought Tara, have been the first time that I have heard real venom in Xander’s voice. The woman he loves is hurt. How would I react in that situation? What might I do? Would I be as restrained? Could I sit here once I knew that she was ok or would I go out there and find the thing that did it?

Tara sat down next to Xander as he held his head in his hands.

‘I just want her to be okay. That’s all.’

‘We all do. She will be.’

‘Could you… Nah,’ Xander changed his mind about what he was going to ask.

‘Would you mind waiting for the doctor to finish and tell Anya that I went to get some of her stuff?’ he sounded embarrassed to be asking.

‘Sure… If you have to go-’

‘I… I have… They are going to keep her in, just overnight. But she’ll want her things.’ Xander looked almost close to tears and for a minute Tara was worried that he might want to leave to go and seek out the vampires who had done this to Anya. But Buffy was well on top of that one.

‘You w-want me to go get them?’ she asked.

‘No. Thanks. I’ll go. I have to – I’ll go’ he told her.

‘Go.’

‘Thanks Tara. I’ll be back soon. Quick like. Like something that is real quick. A cheeto maybe. No I mean a cheetah.’ He looked relieved that he could escape, if only for a few minutes. Maybe he just needed to go somewhere and not have to be strong for a few minutes.

‘Go.’

She’d realised then, as she sat alone outside Anya’s room, what the ex-demon meant to Xander. She’d known what Xander meant to Anya. But she could never be sure with the reverse. It was a strange relationship. How they were around each other. Sometimes it was pure bickering. Other times it was clearly pure passion. But right now and at the root of it all it was obviously total love. It was a wonderful thing to realise.

The Doctor took several minutes more before emerging and was perhaps surprised that Xander was not there – but people handled things in different ways. Having heard that it was okay Tara was able to slip in see the wounded Anya. She didn’t have to ask how she was.

‘I hurt. A lot.’

That was Anya. Weaker, quieter, but still Anya. She was, as the doctor said, okay. Thank the goddess.

‘Xander went to get some of your things. He’ll be back real soon.’ Tara was more interested in just why Anya’s arm was bandaged when she was supposed to have hit her head. Dislocated shoulder came the answer.

‘He should be here for me,’ Anya whined.

She deserved a whine or two Tara thought to herself indulging the ex-demon. ‘He’ll be back, it’s not so far.’

‘Well he should be here.’ It was no longer a whine though. She just wanted him here that was all and Tara could well understand that. ‘Have they found Dawn yet?’ Anya asked quietly.

‘Not when I left. Buffy, well, Buffy has gone to find her,’ Tara told her friend.

‘She has to find her. Bring her home safe,’ Anya told her forcefully.

‘She will,’ Tara replied. They could look for the individual couldn’t they? The Scoobies, they could still care for the individuals. It was just that you had to choose the individuals that you could care for and still operate. No one had mentioned stopping Harmony before she killed again. Everyone was concerned about Dawn. Well that was obvious. But was that really such a bad thing? How many people could you care for that way? Much as you might not want there to be any difference between your friends and a stranger when they were in trouble - there just was.

Am I any different? Haven’t I forgotten about Mr Bogarty now that Dawn is missing?

Would I, Tara thought, be any different with Willow?

Absolutely not.

So why am I still an outsider? Tara wondered as she went and sat by Anya’s bed, holding her hand. If not because of how you have to react to tragedy? There was a pretty simple answer…

Because as much as I might trust and value everyone else, I can’t trust or value myself. Which is why I have to go.

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She's my always

IP: Logged

Zahir
Gay Now!


Posts: 1238
Registered: Nov 2000
posted October 22, 2001 01:32               
Katharyn, you ever read The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant The Unbeliever? They're fantasy novels, but with very mature themes. One involves the "Dark Lord" who's the Big Bad in the books. His name (well, one of them) is Lord Foul the Despiser, and he is truly immortal--so you can weaken him, defeat him, thwart him, but killing him is just not in the cards no matter what.

My point is--Lord Foul is hinted at being the embodiment of ultimate evil and corruption. Not death or cruelty or desire. He is Self Hatred Incarnate.

I was always impressed with that detail, for it spoke a Great Truth. Methinks its relavence to your story is obvious...
Methinks

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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

IP: Logged

Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 02:11               
Hey Zahir, I had never even actually heard of those books but I may look them up thanks.

I had never sat and thought to myself that this was actually self-hatred I was writing and when I saw your post I first thought "that sounds a bit extreme." But you know you are dead right in the sense of what (my version of) Tara believes that "self" to be. She hates what she will be, maybe a little less what she is right now and to some extent she hates the fact that she has so little (beyond Willow) that is worth fighting for and blames herself for that. And as such she risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now I have dug her into this pit of self-loathing all I have to do is get her, at least part way, out of it before Family and I kind of like the chosen method.

Katharyn

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]

IP: Logged

delany
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 22, 2001 02:37               
ooo..er... ooh..
oh dear, tara's wants to go? she can't go!!! i need her!!! tell me she's gonna stay! waahhh!!! *ahem* ermm..yes..moving right along.. i don't really know how to feel. damn angst! makes me all gittery, wanting more.. more dammit!!
it's like cookies'n'cream ice cream, without the cookies.. you get the flavour.. but the satisfaction of well being isn't there..thats angst for ya i spose
but you have me waiting eagerly in anticipation for this very excellent tale to continue.. a sign of a supurb author, supurb.
(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 06:04               
Poor Tara. I think she's taking it way better than I would if I believed what she believes but nevertheless, poor Tara.

I've read the first two Thomas Covenant trilogies. There's some good stuff in them. But be warned - this series is one I read and will never read again. I found it incredibly depressing, real gut wrenching stuff. Quite frustrating too. But still there is merit in it. Anyhow thats my opinion for what it's worth.


Bis vincit qui se vincit.
(He conquers twice who conquers himself.)

IP: Logged

Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by delany:

oh dear, tara's wants to go?

(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del


Tara doesn't want to go, but as of the end of this fic she is struggling to see any other option. Funny actually the first draft of this fic ended on a higher note, with her knowing she had to go, but doubting her own reasoning a little bit (as in the last two parts where there was also a little positive doubt), somehow in the redraft that got lost, however that is not so bad given the part 38. You'll see what I mean then, I shocked myself when I wrote pt38. My aim was to get her back to canon by the start of Family - which I take to be firmly that Tara still thinks she is/will be a demon, but not that she is/will be evil because of that. The shock was just how it worked. It was one of those blessed parts that just wrote itself, all I did was type it in. And yet again I am revealing far too much... maybe it is tantalising I don't know!

As for the butt kissing... your're doing just fine!

Katharyn

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]

IP: Logged

emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 23, 2001 18:32               
okaay,don't know whether should say this...again...so soon...
we went back to the 'top' and read it all again-over a few evenings of nights...
you paint 'vivid' pictures to 'hook' our imagination,
you make us shed a tear,
you make us smile,
you make us laugh out loud,
you make us grrrr! in frustration,
you make us go yippeee! in the fulfilment of our every wish,
you keep us coming back for more!!
so...
Katharyn...
Don't ever stop!!
vive valeque.
***

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 23, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 24, 2001).]

IP: Logged

Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 24, 2001 00:40               
Wow Emily, a feedback poem! That must be a first...

Thanks mucho

As for never stopping, regretably the end is in sight. The Cycle ends in the aftermath of Family. But... work has already begun on a few tentative parts (based on post Family S5 eps) for the sequel "The Middle Bit"(?!) though that will not hit the boards until I (start) seeing S6 and know where the heck I am going...
But before that there is that whim of mine the Sidestep. I can't imagine now not going a few days without posting some fic! Essentially, as you will realise, I:
a) am addicted to writing
b) am addicted to feedback
c) have far too much free time despite a full time job

Katharyn

Edited to add Part 37(?) will be posted tomorrow. A little "Spike/Willow" relief from the troubles of Tara. My first Spike fic though so be gentle...

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 24, 2001).]

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 01:25               
Part 37 Kittens. As long promised a little change from Tara's angst. And as mentioned yesterday this is my first attempt at Spike. Be gentle.

Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Kind of Fuzzy (Part 37)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Replacement” which this fic occurs after.
Summary: Willow gets trapped in a cave with Spike and awaiting rescue they talk.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This fic is one of those pieces of “fluff” that I like to use to lighten the mood a little and it is a chance to use Willow a little more than is otherwise possible in the run up to “Family.” Sorry about that Willow fans but I am sure you can understand why much of the focus is on Tara at this point.
As for the Willow/Spike relationship here (and no not that kind of relationship) I think that it is just about supported by canon – there is – well was- something different between them than was the case with other Scooby Gang members.
And yes there are a couple of gaping logic gaps here… sue me.
Thanks To: This one goes out to all the spoiler-ho’s. If I didn’t have you to struggle against I might have succumbed long ago. L, come home soon…


The Beginning Cycle

Kind of fuzzy

By

Katharyn Rosser

‘In hindsight I admit that tying a Crocett demon to the roof support might not have been the best plan in the world,’ Willow conceded as they stood staring at the rubble that blocked the tunnel they were now trapped in. The tail of the demon emerged from under one of the larger rocks. It had twitched for a while after the cave in but neither she nor Spike had made a move to do a thing for it. From Willow’s point of view being trapped in here with even one demon was bad enough. Even if he was chipped. Tax dollars well spent right now.

‘You think?’ Spike asked not impressed by the turn of events. ‘If I were to borrow a phrase from you and your chums I might say “Duh.” Not very bloody intelligent Red, I thought you were the brains of the outfit. Giles did warn us that they secreted acid. I heard him. I was listening.’

‘Yes, well so did…’ Willow broke off as Spike looked at her, eyebrows raised, sceptical before she had even spoken. ‘Ok so maybe I didn’t hear him say that, but I was listening. I just missed that.’ It had seemed pretty routine. With Buffy away for the weekend taking Dawn to see their grandparents and her sisters friends from LA, the Scoobies had assumed that they would be able to deal with the small matter of a pair of Crocett demons. Normally harmless, almost cuddly in a sort of fanged and clawed way, demons they were trickier to deal with when the mating fury came upon them. This pair had unfortunately caused problems – highly visible problems. So with Spike and Riley along for extra firepower they had attempted to calm things down until the urge passed from the demons. Course that was what she thought the decision had been… she had not been paying as much attention as she could have done.

‘As I recall you were too busy sucking faces with your little blondie witch,’ Spike pointed out, imagining the bollocking he would have been getting if their positions had been reversed.

Willow said nothing to that. They hadn’t, exactly, been sucking faces but they had been a little distracted in the meeting. Still riding the high of life that had swept them along since they had got together they had been… distracted… a lot more lately. More really than at any time since the very beginning… Tara was getting more passionate. Not that she was complaining about that. No sir, no complaints about that at all. But she was also getting a little more confident… at one time they hardly dared to touch each other’s hands in public. Now… It was nice.

She had a few more complaints about her current situation. There had been a time when being buried alive with Spike would have made her fear for her life. Now though the greatest danger of him feeding off her was when she died from lack of oxygen. Either way she wouldn’t see Tara again. At least the vampire wasn’t breathing though. And the others were out there, digging them out. It was just going to take time with no superpower people to help them. She’d stopped Spike from trying from this side for fear of dislodging another damaged support. Inactivity seemed to have brought the vampire to allocating blame instead – which she had to accept some of.

‘And now, we’re buried together. Well done,’ Spike continued. Putting on a crude impersonation of what Willow assumed was Giles he continued ‘Good show.’ He switched back into his own voice. ‘You know I was heading out tonight… It’s delivery night at the blood bank and a free party at the Bronze.’

‘Ok look, I’m sorry, but being buried alive with you isn’t exactly what I had in mind for this evening either.’ Willow was getting just a bit narked off with the vampire and his snide remarks – it wasn’t like he had even waited to start until they were trapped. ‘Anyway everything was ok until you threatened to kill her.’

‘Well yeah. She was a demon! I can kill demons.’ Spike pointed out. ‘That’s all I can bloody well do. And I do it very well thank you. You and your chums don’t seem to mind when you actually want something ripped apart do you?’

‘Yes, no…, but she hadn’t done anything…it was her mate we needed to get. You just wanted to kill her just because you could’ Willow remonstrated. ‘You go on about knowing the plan but then ignore it just so you can hurt someone.’

‘Something love. Not someone. Look I’m a sodding vampire. Nearly anyway…but for this chip. If I can’t kill for food then I’ll bloody well do it for fun – you know that better than most’ he pointed out to the witch. Why the hell couldn’t she just magic these boulders and rubble out of the way? He asked as much.

‘Bit out of my league. These are big stones… I never managed anything this big-’ she broke off seeing Spike smirk. ‘What…oh….urghhh… You know what I mean! Without Tara…’

Spikes grin widened.

Willow gave up and lapsed into silence, glad of the torchlight. It would be no good to be here in the dark with the vampire.

After half and hour or so later and there seemed no prospect of an early release from the tunnels though Spike had found a draft from a small hole far above their heads in a cave nearby. Fresh-ish air. No one would suffocate then. Which meant that Willow was able to talk. Only she seemed to want to stay silent, so Spike decided to push a few buttons. No point in being bored stupid as well as trapped.

‘Heard from dog boy recently?’ he asked.

It was an off the cuff remark of the kind that Willow knew he used to wind people up. She didn’t dignify it with much of an answer hoping that it would shut him up. ‘No.’

‘He was a strange one. Very into his own thoughts wasn’t he. I knew a Ratheth Demon like that about fifty years ago in Denmark. Seemed so mild mannered – well mild as a Ratheth ever gets – but she was scary as hell. You never knew what was going on in her head from one minute to the next. Well heads actually. You ever seen a Ratheth?’ Willow shook her head in response and Spike continued rambling, searching for the right response trigger. ‘Not your scary kind of demon – apart from the tusks – but pretty mild mannered sods as a rule. Except this one. All of a sudden she just went her own way, betrayed her brood, wreaked havoc. Actually I kind of liked her.’

Willow knew, of course, what Spike was doing – trying to provoke her. Again. But she was so over the whole dog – Oz – thing. There was someone and something else in her life now. And it was different. It was better. It was perfect.

Spike, not so much a student of the human psyche as a person who remembered it like an interesting book he had read years before, realised that tack was going no where. Still he had eternity - or at least until they got dug out.

Or Red croaked. Now there was something to look forward to.

‘Ok, sorry. Dog Boy – sore topic’ he probed. ‘Still it’s funny how you jumped straight from him to blondie witch.’ With the flare in Willow’s eyes he knew that he had struck a nerve. ‘Slight difference there. Or was that the point?’

‘Her name is Tara.’ Willow riposted keeping her temper in check.

‘Okay. Tara. I expect that she is pretty frantic right about now. If anyone has bothered to tell her that you are stuck down here with me.’ He grinned seeing his words do their work. ‘I don’t think that the rest of them get it. Well her. What do you reckon? They get the two of you, but her… I’m not so sure they get her.’

‘Spike, leave it alone’ Willow warned him. Leave Tara alone.

Aaah a verbal reaction. He’d felt sure that Dog Boy would have done the trick but Red had clearly moved past that. Something to play on. And with. ‘So what is it between you and the stammer queen?’ If he’d had a cigarette with him he’d have lit it, sat back and watched this play out in as much comfort as you could sitting on a big rock but his cigs were under about three tons of rock. Thanks again Red. He might kill if he didn’t get a cigarette soon.

Well he would have done.

‘Spike…’ Willow warned, not in any mood to hear her love denigrated… or even talked about by this, thing.

Enjoying himself far too much now to stop Spike ploughed ahead. After all what more was there to his unlife right now? Worst came to the worst maybe he could be a vampire toad.

‘No. I mean it seriously. What is it? I bet that is what everyone has to be wondering. College experimentation? A fling? Full body grinding or…’ Seeing Willow’s eyes flare confirmed what he had already known. ‘Big time love of your life?’ Obviously Willow was in the latter, he could see that, but his point about the others was a serious one. God they could be so blind… Besides it would be fun to get the witch to say it.

‘That, Spike, is none of your business.’ Willow finally replied, after considering and forcing herself to calm down for a second or too.

‘Oh come on. Just tell me what it is,’ he did actually want to know.

‘What do you care? You have no soul,’ Willow told him.

‘Yeah maybe but that has nothing to do with love. I tell you I can still love. Strange really how that happens. All the sodding poets bleating about love and the soul and you don’t even need one.’

‘Really? Harmony?’ Willow was not above a little mischief of her own in retaliation.

‘That ditzy prom queen? Hah!’ He was about as close to loving Harm as he was to loving the slayer.

‘Drusilla.’

‘Oh yeah,’ he knew he was lost in thought for a minute there. ‘Love of my sodding unlife… till the bitch left me for a chaos demon. I told you that right?’ Spike asked, the memories of his first return to Sunnydale not totally clear in his head. Accelerated healing never seemed to work for hangovers which, if his memory of mortal days was anything to go by, were actually worse now. No blood to shift the effects unless you fed and that was tricky right now. Sodding soldier boys.

‘I think you mentioned it sometime between kidnapping me, beating up Xander and threatening to kill us if I didn’t do you a love spell,’ Willow told him pointedly.

‘I don’t think I ever apologised for that did I?’ Spike asked.

‘No you didn’t’ Willow confirmed to him, waiting for it. She looked at him expectantly.

‘What you looking at?’

‘You were going to apologise,’ she told him.

‘No I bloody well wasn’t.’

‘But you…’

‘I said that I never did apologise. Not that I would.’ Could she actually have thought that he was going to start apologising for stuff that he had done. Gods he’d be here all week. Then again they might be here all week anyway. Still when she croaked her last there would be a few minutes where she stayed fresh enough for a taste or a gulp.

‘If we don’t get out of here can I eat you?’ he asked.

‘What? You want me to tell you that you can eat me. That is unbelievable even for you Spike.’

‘Hey! I asked. And that is more than I would do for any of those others. God’s if I’d been in here with monkey man or the toy soldier I would just have gone ahead and done it. I asked you. Remember that.’ Then again the idea of feeding off the monkey man showed just how desperate he was getting. Ugggh.

‘Thanks. I think… wait a minute. What am I saying?’

‘Is that a yes?’ Spike ventured hopefully. Course she might be a little dry as it would be lack of water that did her in, but there would be more than a taste and it would let him hold out for a few days more… because those Scoobies wouldn’t give up. Not for their pet witch.

‘No!’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway think what they would say when they dug us out. Me dead – for whatever reason - and bite marks on me. You’d be staked in about three seconds flat. Maybe less,’ she smiled sweetly at him. ‘In fact you might get staked just for being alive when I am dead.’

Spike thought about that. The witch might have a point. ‘Maybe I could crush your body under a big rock…’ he mused aloud.

‘Spike!’

‘Okay, okay. That was a no though.’ A bloke had to keep trying, besides maybe, if she agreed then the chip might not kick in – even if she was just this side of dead. Fresher.

‘Yes,’ she said and saw his face brighten. ‘Yes it was a “no you cannot eat me when I am dead.” Besides they will get us out long before that.’

‘Glad you have faith. So anyway… love,’ he continued.

‘What?’ Willow was not sure what he meant.

‘We were talking about love. You were about to tell me about you and the stam – sorry - you and Tara.’

‘No Spike. I wasn’t.’

‘Oh come on. We’re going to die of boredom if we don’t do something and you won’t let me dig.’

‘I won’t let you pull the rest of the roof down on us.’ That said Willow had to concede that point but wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking about the woman whose arms she should be in right now. She was missing that already. Getting worried about what Tara would be thinking. Feeling. Eventually she looked up and found Spike observing her silently.

‘You were thinking about her then? Weren’t you?’ he asked with a mental Ah-ha ‘Tell the truth.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thought so. You two are really in love aren’t you? You have the only sort of love that matters don’t you? The sort that hurts…’ Spike asked her, genuinely interested. It might be useful to know what pulled these kiddies strings once the chip was out of his head. She looked at him not denying it. ‘Not the whips and chains sort of hurt… or is it?’ he asked her teasingly.

‘No. No whips and no chains,’ Willow confirmed almost even smiling.

‘Okay. The sort of hurt that comes to you every time you think about her and she isn’t there for you to hold. Like just then,’ Spike suggested.

Willow was surprised. That was exactly what she had been feeling. And it wasn't the first time Spike had done that – to her or some of the others. He had seen right inside her and read her soul. She couldn’t decide if that was a violation or actually a good thing that he was able to tell how people felt – even if he didn’t seem to care much.

‘I’m right aren’t I?’

‘Yes you are. Always and forever – that’s our love.’

‘Eternal?’ he asked her.

‘That’s what it means I guess. I like that eternal…’ He smiled sadly and Willow didn’t miss it. ‘What?’

‘You have to watch out for that eternal love. It never is.’

‘You don’t know what we have,’ Willow told him, indignant that he would judge them.

‘It’s not about what you have. What you have will get you just so far. A lifetime maybe – if you are lucky. But I know something about eternal love. People like us, those who walk in – or fight – darkness, things happen to people like us and that doesn’t usually bode well for the whole eternal love side of things.’ He was thinking of Angelus’s effect on Dru, but he could see that she had her own examples in mind. Dog boy perhaps. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘A lifetime would do me. It would do us.’

‘But whose, love? Whose lifetime? Life can be short or long.’ Willow’s expression shifted again and she was beginning to think of that and all of a sudden he didn’t want a depressed witch on his hands. ‘But hey, I’m sure that won’t happen to you two.’

Willow looked at him hard, saw that there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice. ‘Thanks. You know that’s not the first time you have looked inside me or someone I know. You’re a sensitive kind of person… well vampire,’ Willow was still willing to give as good as she got. Though she would much rather that was with Tara.

‘Hey! Look I am not bloody sensitive love! I have been called a lot of nasty things but that is really taking the sodding piss.’

‘In a kind of reading your soul way… not that you are all into giving gifts and being tender or anything awful like that,’ Willow reassured him and found he was mollified by that.

‘Funny thing…’ he mused accepting her words in the spirit of relieving the boredom. ‘I had to become a vampire and lose my soul to learn how to do that. I could never do it… before,’ Spike said reminiscing on his human past, reliving it in a flash before his eyes and realising once more why he wanted to forget all about that time. Those years and those people he had once thought of as friends. Hell, he was closer to the slayer’s chums than he had been to anyone he had once called a friend when he was alive.

‘So why?’ Willow had figured that when he’d had a soul that he must have been good at that sort of thing and just remembered how to do it now. Not that he could possibly have learnt to appreciate people’s feelings. That wasn’t really compatible with ripping their throats out – which people, as a rule, would feel pretty bad about.

‘You’re forgetting Dru. I had a century of balls to the wall, head over heels, literally insane love with her. And she was a little…’

‘Crazy?’

‘If you like. I had to learn to read her mood. Sometimes she was as sweet, innocent and guileless as a child.’

‘And the rest of the time she was a cold-blooded killer?’ Willow completed.

‘Well never cold… But yeah… Happy days.’ Spikes eyes misted over as he waltzed through his memories. ‘But the point is that figuring out someone like Dru, and keeping up with her. That takes special skills, which is why that slimy fungus demon will never hold onto her.’

‘And those special skills tell you that I am in love with Tara? Well woohoo. Anyone could see that.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Couldn’t they?’ Willow of course meant her friends.

Spike knew that he could have twisted things up now, got Red going again. But heck what was the point? He might have all week for that. At least until she croaked, which he was still sort of hoping for. ‘Yeah I think they can. Some of your chums are still a little wierded out, but they know you love her. And that she loves you at least as much,’ he offered.

‘At least as much,’ thought Willow- wow that was a whole lot of love. ‘Wait a minute… why are you being so nice? I’m not going to let you eat me.’

‘I am not being nice. I don’t do nice,’ he shot back indignant at the assumption, especially being as he had never thought of that – be nice and she might let you eat her. Damn that was a plan. Time was he had been good at making plans – even if his impatience tended to stop them being carried through. Must be losing the knack. ‘I was just telling the truth. Besides I can see why she likes you.’

‘Huh?’

‘I can just understand it. You were always the one I was going to eat last… You know, back when I could feed on people.’

Aww, ‘Even after Buffy?’ For some absurd reason that actually made her feel better.

‘Even after the sodding slayer – since I figure she would have to be dead first before I would get much of a shot at the rest of you.’

She’d be last. Ewww. The “better” feeling was rapidly replaced by the disgust at the notion of being Spike’s chosen.

‘You were always looked the tastier morsel, when you were all fuzzy and pink. Though I’m not sure about the whole hippy chick look. That was fine in the sixties but retro is so… old.’

‘Says you…’ She desperately tried to think of something, kept coming up with Abba which wasn't quite right then it clicked. ‘Sid!’

‘A fair cop. You just looked so cute and edible like that. Blood isn’t the only thing you know. Not when you get on a bit at least. The packaging starts to matter more and more. You start out being happy with some beggar girl and a century later the only reason you would go near her would be for a bit of rough. If you want to slum it.’

‘You become a snob?’

‘Yeah, if you like. And you’re very posh. Well you were. Plus I thought you might have potential. You were always a meal, but with Dru gone I was looking for someone who was slightly less annoying than the average bear, you know what I mean?’

‘And that’s why you wanted to make me vampire?’ she asked, morbidly fascinated, knowing she should have asked him to shut up long ago.

‘Well you can’t just turn anyone. Too soft and you would get staked in a week. Too hard and they might cause me problems. Too annoying like your monkey friend and you expose yourself to an eternity of pain rectified only by a piece of wood. You on the other hand had good potential, plus the whole witchcraft thing – it could have been handy. Still might be. I mean if it was a case of you dying in here or being a vampire…’

‘No you can’t eat me and you are not to change me,’ she told him once more. ‘Besides I’m not sure,’ Willow continued more slowly, ‘That you would have survived my potential.’

‘Now what would make you say that?’ Spike asked her intrigued. That was not the sort of thing that a person said about being changed.

‘I sort of, well… I saw myself as a vampire once and it was not pretty sight.’

‘Whoa, that’s news. I bet you were a sight though – all pink and fuzzy, but with teeth. Mmmmn’ Very posh indeed.

‘Actually no. I was more kind of skanky, evil. All leather and push ups. Kind of a dominatrix.’ That might not be the best way to put Spike off though given his tastes and preferences.

Spike was pulling his face. ‘Doesn’t sound like you at all. Glad I didn’t change you. I’ve seen a few dom vampire chicks in my time. Bad bitches one and all.’

‘Very bad. And I was kind of gay too.’ Just so they were clear, she didn’t say, that there was nothing there for Spike with a vamp Willow.

‘Well I guess the truth will out then.’

‘Yeah I guess so – not that I am a dominatrix or anything. Nothing in fact. Absolutely not. Not at all dom. Or doing tricks.’ Just to be clear once more.

‘So blondie goes on top then?’

‘Some… no…’ She saw him grinning from ear to ear. ‘You were doing so well too.’

‘Oh come on, if we can’t have a laugh what can we do, talk about the weather?’ He looked up made a play of scanning the roof of the cave. ‘Looks like rock again.’ He saw her actually smile.

‘You’re a complicated guy Spike. You’re not what you pretend to be. I mean okay you are a nasty killer vampire,’ she saw him beaming with pride, ‘but despite being a soulless minion of hell you have your depths – perceptive insight. You see things others miss. But you hate that don’t you?’

‘I hate who I was. The poet,’ he noticed her look of surprise. ‘And that goes no bloody further either or I will take definite pleasure in the headache I get when I crush your skull.’ She nodded and he carried on. ‘Then I became immortal and couldn’t forget who I was – so William really did have to die and Spike was born. I guess in my living days I was kind of fuzzy too. We’ve both outgrown it.’

‘Yeah.’ They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the work going on to get them out. It seemed to be getting louder and Willow knew she might not have this chance again… Spike was the only person she knew who had succeeded in a long term relationship – even if it was over now… By the goddess how sad was that? ‘You think me and Tara… can we last?’ She knew the answer in her own heart, but she was biased – Spike had been right more than once before. And besides if he told her something she didn’t want to hear then, well he was Spike.

Spike was surprised to be asked and for while he thought about it. Funny, but the option of lying to her never entered his mind. He had to get rid of this sodding chip. ‘Yeah. You can last. You can last forever… truly.’

She was happy at that and didn’t hide it from him. ‘Thank you.’

‘You could last if it was just the love.’ He qualified. ‘Other things, they get in the way. Stupid arguments. Things other people do. Other… bad things.’ He wanted to add death to the list but again was trying to avoid depressed witch, besides that wouldn’t even be fun. ‘Keep each other safe. Listen to what she is really saying – not what you want to hear or what you think she is saying and don’t keep secrets. That’s the Spike recipe…’

‘And look at what happened to you?’ she completed for him.

‘Yeah, but I stopped following the recipe.’

‘Oh.’

‘And one last thing…’ he added.

‘What’s that?’

‘Shag her silly,’ he gave her his best wolfish grin.

‘Okay.’

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She's my always

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mollyig
Willowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

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Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

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emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               
"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

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legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

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IP: LoggedZahirGay Now!


Posts: 1238
Registered: Nov 2000
posted October 22, 2001 01:32               
Katharyn, you ever read The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant The Unbeliever? They're fantasy novels, but with very mature themes. One involves the "Dark Lord" who's the Big Bad in the books. His name (well, one of them) is Lord Foul the Despiser, and he is truly immortal--so you can weaken him, defeat him, thwart him, but killing him is just not in the cards no matter what.

My point is--Lord Foul is hinted at being the embodiment of ultimate evil and corruption. Not death or cruelty or desire. He is Self Hatred Incarnate.

I was always impressed with that detail, for it spoke a Great Truth. Methinks its relavence to your story is obvious...
Methinks

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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

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posted October 22, 2001 01:32                Katharyn, you ever read The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant The Unbeliever? They're fantasy novels, but with very mature themes. One involves the "Dark Lord" who's the Big Bad in the books. His name (well, one of them) is Lord Foul the Despiser, and he is truly immortal--so you can weaken him, defeat him, thwart him, but killing him is just not in the cards no matter what.

My point is--Lord Foul is hinted at being the embodiment of ultimate evil and corruption. Not death or cruelty or desire. He is Self Hatred Incarnate.

I was always impressed with that detail, for it spoke a Great Truth. Methinks its relavence to your story is obvious...
Methinks

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 02:11               


Hey Zahir, I had never even actually heard of those books but I may look them up thanks.

I had never sat and thought to myself that this was actually self-hatred I was writing and when I saw your post I first thought "that sounds a bit extreme." But you know you are dead right in the sense of what (my version of) Tara believes that "self" to be. She hates what she will be, maybe a little less what she is right now and to some extent she hates the fact that she has so little (beyond Willow) that is worth fighting for and blames herself for that. And as such she risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now I have dug her into this pit of self-loathing all I have to do is get her, at least part way, out of it before Family and I kind of like the chosen method.

Katharyn

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]

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posted October 22, 2001 02:11                Hey Zahir, I had never even actually heard of those books but I may look them up thanks.

I had never sat and thought to myself that this was actually self-hatred I was writing and when I saw your post I first thought "that sounds a bit extreme." But you know you are dead right in the sense of what (my version of) Tara believes that "self" to be. She hates what she will be, maybe a little less what she is right now and to some extent she hates the fact that she has so little (beyond Willow) that is worth fighting for and blames herself for that. And as such she risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now I have dug her into this pit of self-loathing all I have to do is get her, at least part way, out of it before Family and I kind of like the chosen method.

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]IP: LoggeddelanyDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 22, 2001 02:37               


ooo..er... ooh..
oh dear, tara's wants to go? she can't go!!! i need her!!! tell me she's gonna stay! waahhh!!! *ahem* ermm..yes..moving right along.. i don't really know how to feel. damn angst! makes me all gittery, wanting more.. more dammit!!
it's like cookies'n'cream ice cream, without the cookies.. you get the flavour.. but the satisfaction of well being isn't there..thats angst for ya i spose
but you have me waiting eagerly in anticipation for this very excellent tale to continue.. a sign of a supurb author, supurb.
(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del

IP: Logged

posted October 22, 2001 02:37                ooo..er... ooh..
oh dear, tara's wants to go? she can't go!!! i need her!!! tell me she's gonna stay! waahhh!!! *ahem* ermm..yes..moving right along.. i don't really know how to feel. damn angst! makes me all gittery, wanting more.. more dammit!!
it's like cookies'n'cream ice cream, without the cookies.. you get the flavour.. but the satisfaction of well being isn't there..thats angst for ya i spose
but you have me waiting eagerly in anticipation for this very excellent tale to continue.. a sign of a supurb author, supurb.
(how goes the butt kissing?? )

delIP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 06:04               


Poor Tara. I think she's taking it way better than I would if I believed what she believes but nevertheless, poor Tara.

I've read the first two Thomas Covenant trilogies. There's some good stuff in them. But be warned - this series is one I read and will never read again. I found it incredibly depressing, real gut wrenching stuff. Quite frustrating too. But still there is merit in it. Anyhow thats my opinion for what it's worth.


Bis vincit qui se vincit.
(He conquers twice who conquers himself.)

IP: Logged

posted October 22, 2001 06:04                Poor Tara. I think she's taking it way better than I would if I believed what she believes but nevertheless, poor Tara.

I've read the first two Thomas Covenant trilogies. There's some good stuff in them. But be warned - this series is one I read and will never read again. I found it incredibly depressing, real gut wrenching stuff. Quite frustrating too. But still there is merit in it. Anyhow thats my opinion for what it's worth.


Bis vincit qui se vincit.
(He conquers twice who conquers himself.)
IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 22, 2001 13:22               


quote:
Originally posted by delany:

oh dear, tara's wants to go?

(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del


Tara doesn't want to go, but as of the end of this fic she is struggling to see any other option. Funny actually the first draft of this fic ended on a higher note, with her knowing she had to go, but doubting her own reasoning a little bit (as in the last two parts where there was also a little positive doubt), somehow in the redraft that got lost, however that is not so bad given the part 38. You'll see what I mean then, I shocked myself when I wrote pt38. My aim was to get her back to canon by the start of Family - which I take to be firmly that Tara still thinks she is/will be a demon, but not that she is/will be evil because of that. The shock was just how it worked. It was one of those blessed parts that just wrote itself, all I did was type it in. And yet again I am revealing far too much... maybe it is tantalising I don't know!

As for the butt kissing... your're doing just fine!

Katharyn

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 22, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by delany:

oh dear, tara's wants to go?

(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del


Tara doesn't want to go, but as of the end of this fic she is struggling to see any other option. Funny actually the first draft of this fic ended on a higher note, with her knowing she had to go, but doubting her own reasoning a little bit (as in the last two parts where there was also a little positive doubt), somehow in the redraft that got lost, however that is not so bad given the part 38. You'll see what I mean then, I shocked myself when I wrote pt38. My aim was to get her back to canon by the start of Family - which I take to be firmly that Tara still thinks she is/will be a demon, but not that she is/will be evil because of that. The shock was just how it worked. It was one of those blessed parts that just wrote itself, all I did was type it in. And yet again I am revealing far too much... maybe it is tantalising I don't know!

As for the butt kissing... your're doing just fine!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]quote:IP: Loggedemily 'first'Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 23, 2001 18:32               


okaay,don't know whether should say this...again...so soon...
we went back to the 'top' and read it all again-over a few evenings of nights...
you paint 'vivid' pictures to 'hook' our imagination,
you make us shed a tear,
you make us smile,
you make us laugh out loud,
you make us grrrr! in frustration,
you make us go yippeee! in the fulfilment of our every wish,
you keep us coming back for more!!
so...
Katharyn...
Don't ever stop!!
vive valeque.
***

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 23, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 24, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 23, 2001 18:32                okaay,don't know whether should say this...again...so soon...
we went back to the 'top' and read it all again-over a few evenings of nights...
you paint 'vivid' pictures to 'hook' our imagination,
you make us shed a tear,
you make us smile,
you make us laugh out loud,
you make us grrrr! in frustration,
you make us go yippeee! in the fulfilment of our every wish,
you keep us coming back for more!!
so...
Katharyn...
Don't ever stop!!
vive valeque.
***

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 23, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 24, 2001).]IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 24, 2001 00:40               


Wow Emily, a feedback poem! That must be a first...

Thanks mucho

As for never stopping, regretably the end is in sight. The Cycle ends in the aftermath of Family. But... work has already begun on a few tentative parts (based on post Family S5 eps) for the sequel "The Middle Bit"(?!) though that will not hit the boards until I (start) seeing S6 and know where the heck I am going...
But before that there is that whim of mine the Sidestep. I can't imagine now not going a few days without posting some fic! Essentially, as you will realise, I:
a) am addicted to writing
b) am addicted to feedback
c) have far too much free time despite a full time job

Katharyn

Edited to add Part 37(?) will be posted tomorrow. A little "Spike/Willow" relief from the troubles of Tara. My first Spike fic though so be gentle...

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 24, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 24, 2001 00:40                Wow Emily, a feedback poem! That must be a first...

Thanks mucho

As for never stopping, regretably the end is in sight. The Cycle ends in the aftermath of Family. But... work has already begun on a few tentative parts (based on post Family S5 eps) for the sequel "The Middle Bit"(?!) though that will not hit the boards until I (start) seeing S6 and know where the heck I am going...
But before that there is that whim of mine the Sidestep. I can't imagine now not going a few days without posting some fic! Essentially, as you will realise, I:
a) am addicted to writing
b) am addicted to feedback
c) have far too much free time despite a full time job

Katharyn

Edited to add Part 37(?) will be posted tomorrow. A little "Spike/Willow" relief from the troubles of Tara. My first Spike fic though so be gentle...

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 24, 2001).]IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 01:25               


Part 37 Kittens. As long promised a little change from Tara's angst. And as mentioned yesterday this is my first attempt at Spike. Be gentle.

Katharyn
------------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Kind of Fuzzy (Part 37)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Replacement” which this fic occurs after.
Summary: Willow gets trapped in a cave with Spike and awaiting rescue they talk.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This fic is one of those pieces of “fluff” that I like to use to lighten the mood a little and it is a chance to use Willow a little more than is otherwise possible in the run up to “Family.” Sorry about that Willow fans but I am sure you can understand why much of the focus is on Tara at this point.
As for the Willow/Spike relationship here (and no not that kind of relationship) I think that it is just about supported by canon – there is – well was- something different between them than was the case with other Scooby Gang members.
And yes there are a couple of gaping logic gaps here… sue me.
Thanks To: This one goes out to all the spoiler-ho’s. If I didn’t have you to struggle against I might have succumbed long ago. L, come home soon…


The Beginning Cycle

Kind of fuzzy

By

Katharyn Rosser

‘In hindsight I admit that tying a Crocett demon to the roof support might not have been the best plan in the world,’ Willow conceded as they stood staring at the rubble that blocked the tunnel they were now trapped in. The tail of the demon emerged from under one of the larger rocks. It had twitched for a while after the cave in but neither she nor Spike had made a move to do a thing for it. From Willow’s point of view being trapped in here with even one demon was bad enough. Even if he was chipped. Tax dollars well spent right now.

‘You think?’ Spike asked not impressed by the turn of events. ‘If I were to borrow a phrase from you and your chums I might say “Duh.” Not very bloody intelligent Red, I thought you were the brains of the outfit. Giles did warn us that they secreted acid. I heard him. I was listening.’

‘Yes, well so did…’ Willow broke off as Spike looked at her, eyebrows raised, sceptical before she had even spoken. ‘Ok so maybe I didn’t hear him say that, but I was listening. I just missed that.’ It had seemed pretty routine. With Buffy away for the weekend taking Dawn to see their grandparents and her sisters friends from LA, the Scoobies had assumed that they would be able to deal with the small matter of a pair of Crocett demons. Normally harmless, almost cuddly in a sort of fanged and clawed way, demons they were trickier to deal with when the mating fury came upon them. This pair had unfortunately caused problems – highly visible problems. So with Spike and Riley along for extra firepower they had attempted to calm things down until the urge passed from the demons. Course that was what she thought the decision had been… she had not been paying as much attention as she could have done.

‘As I recall you were too busy sucking faces with your little blondie witch,’ Spike pointed out, imagining the bollocking he would have been getting if their positions had been reversed.

Willow said nothing to that. They hadn’t, exactly, been sucking faces but they had been a little distracted in the meeting. Still riding the high of life that had swept them along since they had got together they had been… distracted… a lot more lately. More really than at any time since the very beginning… Tara was getting more passionate. Not that she was complaining about that. No sir, no complaints about that at all. But she was also getting a little more confident… at one time they hardly dared to touch each other’s hands in public. Now… It was nice.

She had a few more complaints about her current situation. There had been a time when being buried alive with Spike would have made her fear for her life. Now though the greatest danger of him feeding off her was when she died from lack of oxygen. Either way she wouldn’t see Tara again. At least the vampire wasn’t breathing though. And the others were out there, digging them out. It was just going to take time with no superpower people to help them. She’d stopped Spike from trying from this side for fear of dislodging another damaged support. Inactivity seemed to have brought the vampire to allocating blame instead – which she had to accept some of.

‘And now, we’re buried together. Well done,’ Spike continued. Putting on a crude impersonation of what Willow assumed was Giles he continued ‘Good show.’ He switched back into his own voice. ‘You know I was heading out tonight… It’s delivery night at the blood bank and a free party at the Bronze.’

‘Ok look, I’m sorry, but being buried alive with you isn’t exactly what I had in mind for this evening either.’ Willow was getting just a bit narked off with the vampire and his snide remarks – it wasn’t like he had even waited to start until they were trapped. ‘Anyway everything was ok until you threatened to kill her.’

‘Well yeah. She was a demon! I can kill demons.’ Spike pointed out. ‘That’s all I can bloody well do. And I do it very well thank you. You and your chums don’t seem to mind when you actually want something ripped apart do you?’

‘Yes, no…, but she hadn’t done anything…it was her mate we needed to get. You just wanted to kill her just because you could’ Willow remonstrated. ‘You go on about knowing the plan but then ignore it just so you can hurt someone.’

‘Something love. Not someone. Look I’m a sodding vampire. Nearly anyway…but for this chip. If I can’t kill for food then I’ll bloody well do it for fun – you know that better than most’ he pointed out to the witch. Why the hell couldn’t she just magic these boulders and rubble out of the way? He asked as much.

‘Bit out of my league. These are big stones… I never managed anything this big-’ she broke off seeing Spike smirk. ‘What…oh….urghhh… You know what I mean! Without Tara…’

Spikes grin widened.

Willow gave up and lapsed into silence, glad of the torchlight. It would be no good to be here in the dark with the vampire.

After half and hour or so later and there seemed no prospect of an early release from the tunnels though Spike had found a draft from a small hole far above their heads in a cave nearby. Fresh-ish air. No one would suffocate then. Which meant that Willow was able to talk. Only she seemed to want to stay silent, so Spike decided to push a few buttons. No point in being bored stupid as well as trapped.

‘Heard from dog boy recently?’ he asked.

It was an off the cuff remark of the kind that Willow knew he used to wind people up. She didn’t dignify it with much of an answer hoping that it would shut him up. ‘No.’

‘He was a strange one. Very into his own thoughts wasn’t he. I knew a Ratheth Demon like that about fifty years ago in Denmark. Seemed so mild mannered – well mild as a Ratheth ever gets – but she was scary as hell. You never knew what was going on in her head from one minute to the next. Well heads actually. You ever seen a Ratheth?’ Willow shook her head in response and Spike continued rambling, searching for the right response trigger. ‘Not your scary kind of demon – apart from the tusks – but pretty mild mannered sods as a rule. Except this one. All of a sudden she just went her own way, betrayed her brood, wreaked havoc. Actually I kind of liked her.’

Willow knew, of course, what Spike was doing – trying to provoke her. Again. But she was so over the whole dog – Oz – thing. There was someone and something else in her life now. And it was different. It was better. It was perfect.

Spike, not so much a student of the human psyche as a person who remembered it like an interesting book he had read years before, realised that tack was going no where. Still he had eternity - or at least until they got dug out.

Or Red croaked. Now there was something to look forward to.

‘Ok, sorry. Dog Boy – sore topic’ he probed. ‘Still it’s funny how you jumped straight from him to blondie witch.’ With the flare in Willow’s eyes he knew that he had struck a nerve. ‘Slight difference there. Or was that the point?’

‘Her name is Tara.’ Willow riposted keeping her temper in check.

‘Okay. Tara. I expect that she is pretty frantic right about now. If anyone has bothered to tell her that you are stuck down here with me.’ He grinned seeing his words do their work. ‘I don’t think that the rest of them get it. Well her. What do you reckon? They get the two of you, but her… I’m not so sure they get her.’

‘Spike, leave it alone’ Willow warned him. Leave Tara alone.

Aaah a verbal reaction. He’d felt sure that Dog Boy would have done the trick but Red had clearly moved past that. Something to play on. And with. ‘So what is it between you and the stammer queen?’ If he’d had a cigarette with him he’d have lit it, sat back and watched this play out in as much comfort as you could sitting on a big rock but his cigs were under about three tons of rock. Thanks again Red. He might kill if he didn’t get a cigarette soon.

Well he would have done.

‘Spike…’ Willow warned, not in any mood to hear her love denigrated… or even talked about by this, thing.

Enjoying himself far too much now to stop Spike ploughed ahead. After all what more was there to his unlife right now? Worst came to the worst maybe he could be a vampire toad.

‘No. I mean it seriously. What is it? I bet that is what everyone has to be wondering. College experimentation? A fling? Full body grinding or…’ Seeing Willow’s eyes flare confirmed what he had already known. ‘Big time love of your life?’ Obviously Willow was in the latter, he could see that, but his point about the others was a serious one. God they could be so blind… Besides it would be fun to get the witch to say it.

‘That, Spike, is none of your business.’ Willow finally replied, after considering and forcing herself to calm down for a second or too.

‘Oh come on. Just tell me what it is,’ he did actually want to know.

‘What do you care? You have no soul,’ Willow told him.

‘Yeah maybe but that has nothing to do with love. I tell you I can still love. Strange really how that happens. All the sodding poets bleating about love and the soul and you don’t even need one.’

‘Really? Harmony?’ Willow was not above a little mischief of her own in retaliation.

‘That ditzy prom queen? Hah!’ He was about as close to loving Harm as he was to loving the slayer.

‘Drusilla.’

‘Oh yeah,’ he knew he was lost in thought for a minute there. ‘Love of my sodding unlife… till the bitch left me for a chaos demon. I told you that right?’ Spike asked, the memories of his first return to Sunnydale not totally clear in his head. Accelerated healing never seemed to work for hangovers which, if his memory of mortal days was anything to go by, were actually worse now. No blood to shift the effects unless you fed and that was tricky right now. Sodding soldier boys.

‘I think you mentioned it sometime between kidnapping me, beating up Xander and threatening to kill us if I didn’t do you a love spell,’ Willow told him pointedly.

‘I don’t think I ever apologised for that did I?’ Spike asked.

‘No you didn’t’ Willow confirmed to him, waiting for it. She looked at him expectantly.

‘What you looking at?’

‘You were going to apologise,’ she told him.

‘No I bloody well wasn’t.’

‘But you…’

‘I said that I never did apologise. Not that I would.’ Could she actually have thought that he was going to start apologising for stuff that he had done. Gods he’d be here all week. Then again they might be here all week anyway. Still when she croaked her last there would be a few minutes where she stayed fresh enough for a taste or a gulp.

‘If we don’t get out of here can I eat you?’ he asked.

‘What? You want me to tell you that you can eat me. That is unbelievable even for you Spike.’

‘Hey! I asked. And that is more than I would do for any of those others. God’s if I’d been in here with monkey man or the toy soldier I would just have gone ahead and done it. I asked you. Remember that.’ Then again the idea of feeding off the monkey man showed just how desperate he was getting. Ugggh.

‘Thanks. I think… wait a minute. What am I saying?’

‘Is that a yes?’ Spike ventured hopefully. Course she might be a little dry as it would be lack of water that did her in, but there would be more than a taste and it would let him hold out for a few days more… because those Scoobies wouldn’t give up. Not for their pet witch.

‘No!’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway think what they would say when they dug us out. Me dead – for whatever reason - and bite marks on me. You’d be staked in about three seconds flat. Maybe less,’ she smiled sweetly at him. ‘In fact you might get staked just for being alive when I am dead.’

Spike thought about that. The witch might have a point. ‘Maybe I could crush your body under a big rock…’ he mused aloud.

‘Spike!’

‘Okay, okay. That was a no though.’ A bloke had to keep trying, besides maybe, if she agreed then the chip might not kick in – even if she was just this side of dead. Fresher.

‘Yes,’ she said and saw his face brighten. ‘Yes it was a “no you cannot eat me when I am dead.” Besides they will get us out long before that.’

‘Glad you have faith. So anyway… love,’ he continued.

‘What?’ Willow was not sure what he meant.

‘We were talking about love. You were about to tell me about you and the stam – sorry - you and Tara.’

‘No Spike. I wasn’t.’

‘Oh come on. We’re going to die of boredom if we don’t do something and you won’t let me dig.’

‘I won’t let you pull the rest of the roof down on us.’ That said Willow had to concede that point but wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking about the woman whose arms she should be in right now. She was missing that already. Getting worried about what Tara would be thinking. Feeling. Eventually she looked up and found Spike observing her silently.

‘You were thinking about her then? Weren’t you?’ he asked with a mental Ah-ha ‘Tell the truth.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thought so. You two are really in love aren’t you? You have the only sort of love that matters don’t you? The sort that hurts…’ Spike asked her, genuinely interested. It might be useful to know what pulled these kiddies strings once the chip was out of his head. She looked at him not denying it. ‘Not the whips and chains sort of hurt… or is it?’ he asked her teasingly.

‘No. No whips and no chains,’ Willow confirmed almost even smiling.

‘Okay. The sort of hurt that comes to you every time you think about her and she isn’t there for you to hold. Like just then,’ Spike suggested.

Willow was surprised. That was exactly what she had been feeling. And it wasn't the first time Spike had done that – to her or some of the others. He had seen right inside her and read her soul. She couldn’t decide if that was a violation or actually a good thing that he was able to tell how people felt – even if he didn’t seem to care much.

‘I’m right aren’t I?’

‘Yes you are. Always and forever – that’s our love.’

‘Eternal?’ he asked her.

‘That’s what it means I guess. I like that eternal…’ He smiled sadly and Willow didn’t miss it. ‘What?’

‘You have to watch out for that eternal love. It never is.’

‘You don’t know what we have,’ Willow told him, indignant that he would judge them.

‘It’s not about what you have. What you have will get you just so far. A lifetime maybe – if you are lucky. But I know something about eternal love. People like us, those who walk in – or fight – darkness, things happen to people like us and that doesn’t usually bode well for the whole eternal love side of things.’ He was thinking of Angelus’s effect on Dru, but he could see that she had her own examples in mind. Dog boy perhaps. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘A lifetime would do me. It would do us.’

‘But whose, love? Whose lifetime? Life can be short or long.’ Willow’s expression shifted again and she was beginning to think of that and all of a sudden he didn’t want a depressed witch on his hands. ‘But hey, I’m sure that won’t happen to you two.’

Willow looked at him hard, saw that there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice. ‘Thanks. You know that’s not the first time you have looked inside me or someone I know. You’re a sensitive kind of person… well vampire,’ Willow was still willing to give as good as she got. Though she would much rather that was with Tara.

‘Hey! Look I am not bloody sensitive love! I have been called a lot of nasty things but that is really taking the sodding piss.’

‘In a kind of reading your soul way… not that you are all into giving gifts and being tender or anything awful like that,’ Willow reassured him and found he was mollified by that.

‘Funny thing…’ he mused accepting her words in the spirit of relieving the boredom. ‘I had to become a vampire and lose my soul to learn how to do that. I could never do it… before,’ Spike said reminiscing on his human past, reliving it in a flash before his eyes and realising once more why he wanted to forget all about that time. Those years and those people he had once thought of as friends. Hell, he was closer to the slayer’s chums than he had been to anyone he had once called a friend when he was alive.

‘So why?’ Willow had figured that when he’d had a soul that he must have been good at that sort of thing and just remembered how to do it now. Not that he could possibly have learnt to appreciate people’s feelings. That wasn’t really compatible with ripping their throats out – which people, as a rule, would feel pretty bad about.

‘You’re forgetting Dru. I had a century of balls to the wall, head over heels, literally insane love with her. And she was a little…’

‘Crazy?’

‘If you like. I had to learn to read her mood. Sometimes she was as sweet, innocent and guileless as a child.’

‘And the rest of the time she was a cold-blooded killer?’ Willow completed.

‘Well never cold… But yeah… Happy days.’ Spikes eyes misted over as he waltzed through his memories. ‘But the point is that figuring out someone like Dru, and keeping up with her. That takes special skills, which is why that slimy fungus demon will never hold onto her.’

‘And those special skills tell you that I am in love with Tara? Well woohoo. Anyone could see that.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Couldn’t they?’ Willow of course meant her friends.

Spike knew that he could have twisted things up now, got Red going again. But heck what was the point? He might have all week for that. At least until she croaked, which he was still sort of hoping for. ‘Yeah I think they can. Some of your chums are still a little wierded out, but they know you love her. And that she loves you at least as much,’ he offered.

‘At least as much,’ thought Willow- wow that was a whole lot of love. ‘Wait a minute… why are you being so nice? I’m not going to let you eat me.’

‘I am not being nice. I don’t do nice,’ he shot back indignant at the assumption, especially being as he had never thought of that – be nice and she might let you eat her. Damn that was a plan. Time was he had been good at making plans – even if his impatience tended to stop them being carried through. Must be losing the knack. ‘I was just telling the truth. Besides I can see why she likes you.’

‘Huh?’

‘I can just understand it. You were always the one I was going to eat last… You know, back when I could feed on people.’

Aww, ‘Even after Buffy?’ For some absurd reason that actually made her feel better.

‘Even after the sodding slayer – since I figure she would have to be dead first before I would get much of a shot at the rest of you.’

She’d be last. Ewww. The “better” feeling was rapidly replaced by the disgust at the notion of being Spike’s chosen.

‘You were always looked the tastier morsel, when you were all fuzzy and pink. Though I’m not sure about the whole hippy chick look. That was fine in the sixties but retro is so… old.’

‘Says you…’ She desperately tried to think of something, kept coming up with Abba which wasn't quite right then it clicked. ‘Sid!’

‘A fair cop. You just looked so cute and edible like that. Blood isn’t the only thing you know. Not when you get on a bit at least. The packaging starts to matter more and more. You start out being happy with some beggar girl and a century later the only reason you would go near her would be for a bit of rough. If you want to slum it.’

‘You become a snob?’

‘Yeah, if you like. And you’re very posh. Well you were. Plus I thought you might have potential. You were always a meal, but with Dru gone I was looking for someone who was slightly less annoying than the average bear, you know what I mean?’

‘And that’s why you wanted to make me vampire?’ she asked, morbidly fascinated, knowing she should have asked him to shut up long ago.

‘Well you can’t just turn anyone. Too soft and you would get staked in a week. Too hard and they might cause me problems. Too annoying like your monkey friend and you expose yourself to an eternity of pain rectified only by a piece of wood. You on the other hand had good potential, plus the whole witchcraft thing – it could have been handy. Still might be. I mean if it was a case of you dying in here or being a vampire…’

‘No you can’t eat me and you are not to change me,’ she told him once more. ‘Besides I’m not sure,’ Willow continued more slowly, ‘That you would have survived my potential.’

‘Now what would make you say that?’ Spike asked her intrigued. That was not the sort of thing that a person said about being changed.

‘I sort of, well… I saw myself as a vampire once and it was not pretty sight.’

‘Whoa, that’s news. I bet you were a sight though – all pink and fuzzy, but with teeth. Mmmmn’ Very posh indeed.

‘Actually no. I was more kind of skanky, evil. All leather and push ups. Kind of a dominatrix.’ That might not be the best way to put Spike off though given his tastes and preferences.

Spike was pulling his face. ‘Doesn’t sound like you at all. Glad I didn’t change you. I’ve seen a few dom vampire chicks in my time. Bad bitches one and all.’

‘Very bad. And I was kind of gay too.’ Just so they were clear, she didn’t say, that there was nothing there for Spike with a vamp Willow.

‘Well I guess the truth will out then.’

‘Yeah I guess so – not that I am a dominatrix or anything. Nothing in fact. Absolutely not. Not at all dom. Or doing tricks.’ Just to be clear once more.

‘So blondie goes on top then?’

‘Some… no…’ She saw him grinning from ear to ear. ‘You were doing so well too.’

‘Oh come on, if we can’t have a laugh what can we do, talk about the weather?’ He looked up made a play of scanning the roof of the cave. ‘Looks like rock again.’ He saw her actually smile.

‘You’re a complicated guy Spike. You’re not what you pretend to be. I mean okay you are a nasty killer vampire,’ she saw him beaming with pride, ‘but despite being a soulless minion of hell you have your depths – perceptive insight. You see things others miss. But you hate that don’t you?’

‘I hate who I was. The poet,’ he noticed her look of surprise. ‘And that goes no bloody further either or I will take definite pleasure in the headache I get when I crush your skull.’ She nodded and he carried on. ‘Then I became immortal and couldn’t forget who I was – so William really did have to die and Spike was born. I guess in my living days I was kind of fuzzy too. We’ve both outgrown it.’

‘Yeah.’ They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the work going on to get them out. It seemed to be getting louder and Willow knew she might not have this chance again… Spike was the only person she knew who had succeeded in a long term relationship – even if it was over now… By the goddess how sad was that? ‘You think me and Tara… can we last?’ She knew the answer in her own heart, but she was biased – Spike had been right more than once before. And besides if he told her something she didn’t want to hear then, well he was Spike.

Spike was surprised to be asked and for while he thought about it. Funny, but the option of lying to her never entered his mind. He had to get rid of this sodding chip. ‘Yeah. You can last. You can last forever… truly.’

She was happy at that and didn’t hide it from him. ‘Thank you.’

‘You could last if it was just the love.’ He qualified. ‘Other things, they get in the way. Stupid arguments. Things other people do. Other… bad things.’ He wanted to add death to the list but again was trying to avoid depressed witch, besides that wouldn’t even be fun. ‘Keep each other safe. Listen to what she is really saying – not what you want to hear or what you think she is saying and don’t keep secrets. That’s the Spike recipe…’

‘And look at what happened to you?’ she completed for him.

‘Yeah, but I stopped following the recipe.’

‘Oh.’

‘And one last thing…’ he added.

‘What’s that?’

‘Shag her silly,’ he gave her his best wolfish grin.

‘Okay.’

------------------
She's my always

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mollyig
Willowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

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emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               
"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

IP: Logged

legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 01:25                Part 37 Kittens. As long promised a little change from Tara's angst. And as mentioned yesterday this is my first attempt at Spike. Be gentle.

Katharyn
------------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Kind of Fuzzy (Part 37)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Replacement” which this fic occurs after.
Summary: Willow gets trapped in a cave with Spike and awaiting rescue they talk.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This fic is one of those pieces of “fluff” that I like to use to lighten the mood a little and it is a chance to use Willow a little more than is otherwise possible in the run up to “Family.” Sorry about that Willow fans but I am sure you can understand why much of the focus is on Tara at this point.
As for the Willow/Spike relationship here (and no not that kind of relationship) I think that it is just about supported by canon – there is – well was- something different between them than was the case with other Scooby Gang members.
And yes there are a couple of gaping logic gaps here… sue me.
Thanks To: This one goes out to all the spoiler-ho’s. If I didn’t have you to struggle against I might have succumbed long ago. L, come home soon…


The Beginning Cycle

Kind of fuzzy

By

Katharyn Rosser

‘In hindsight I admit that tying a Crocett demon to the roof support might not have been the best plan in the world,’ Willow conceded as they stood staring at the rubble that blocked the tunnel they were now trapped in. The tail of the demon emerged from under one of the larger rocks. It had twitched for a while after the cave in but neither she nor Spike had made a move to do a thing for it. From Willow’s point of view being trapped in here with even one demon was bad enough. Even if he was chipped. Tax dollars well spent right now.

‘You think?’ Spike asked not impressed by the turn of events. ‘If I were to borrow a phrase from you and your chums I might say “Duh.” Not very bloody intelligent Red, I thought you were the brains of the outfit. Giles did warn us that they secreted acid. I heard him. I was listening.’

‘Yes, well so did…’ Willow broke off as Spike looked at her, eyebrows raised, sceptical before she had even spoken. ‘Ok so maybe I didn’t hear him say that, but I was listening. I just missed that.’ It had seemed pretty routine. With Buffy away for the weekend taking Dawn to see their grandparents and her sisters friends from LA, the Scoobies had assumed that they would be able to deal with the small matter of a pair of Crocett demons. Normally harmless, almost cuddly in a sort of fanged and clawed way, demons they were trickier to deal with when the mating fury came upon them. This pair had unfortunately caused problems – highly visible problems. So with Spike and Riley along for extra firepower they had attempted to calm things down until the urge passed from the demons. Course that was what she thought the decision had been… she had not been paying as much attention as she could have done.

‘As I recall you were too busy sucking faces with your little blondie witch,’ Spike pointed out, imagining the bollocking he would have been getting if their positions had been reversed.

Willow said nothing to that. They hadn’t, exactly, been sucking faces but they had been a little distracted in the meeting. Still riding the high of life that had swept them along since they had got together they had been… distracted… a lot more lately. More really than at any time since the very beginning… Tara was getting more passionate. Not that she was complaining about that. No sir, no complaints about that at all. But she was also getting a little more confident… at one time they hardly dared to touch each other’s hands in public. Now… It was nice.

She had a few more complaints about her current situation. There had been a time when being buried alive with Spike would have made her fear for her life. Now though the greatest danger of him feeding off her was when she died from lack of oxygen. Either way she wouldn’t see Tara again. At least the vampire wasn’t breathing though. And the others were out there, digging them out. It was just going to take time with no superpower people to help them. She’d stopped Spike from trying from this side for fear of dislodging another damaged support. Inactivity seemed to have brought the vampire to allocating blame instead – which she had to accept some of.

‘And now, we’re buried together. Well done,’ Spike continued. Putting on a crude impersonation of what Willow assumed was Giles he continued ‘Good show.’ He switched back into his own voice. ‘You know I was heading out tonight… It’s delivery night at the blood bank and a free party at the Bronze.’

‘Ok look, I’m sorry, but being buried alive with you isn’t exactly what I had in mind for this evening either.’ Willow was getting just a bit narked off with the vampire and his snide remarks – it wasn’t like he had even waited to start until they were trapped. ‘Anyway everything was ok until you threatened to kill her.’

‘Well yeah. She was a demon! I can kill demons.’ Spike pointed out. ‘That’s all I can bloody well do. And I do it very well thank you. You and your chums don’t seem to mind when you actually want something ripped apart do you?’

‘Yes, no…, but she hadn’t done anything…it was her mate we needed to get. You just wanted to kill her just because you could’ Willow remonstrated. ‘You go on about knowing the plan but then ignore it just so you can hurt someone.’

‘Something love. Not someone. Look I’m a sodding vampire. Nearly anyway…but for this chip. If I can’t kill for food then I’ll bloody well do it for fun – you know that better than most’ he pointed out to the witch. Why the hell couldn’t she just magic these boulders and rubble out of the way? He asked as much.

‘Bit out of my league. These are big stones… I never managed anything this big-’ she broke off seeing Spike smirk. ‘What…oh….urghhh… You know what I mean! Without Tara…’

Spikes grin widened.

Willow gave up and lapsed into silence, glad of the torchlight. It would be no good to be here in the dark with the vampire.

After half and hour or so later and there seemed no prospect of an early release from the tunnels though Spike had found a draft from a small hole far above their heads in a cave nearby. Fresh-ish air. No one would suffocate then. Which meant that Willow was able to talk. Only she seemed to want to stay silent, so Spike decided to push a few buttons. No point in being bored stupid as well as trapped.

‘Heard from dog boy recently?’ he asked.

It was an off the cuff remark of the kind that Willow knew he used to wind people up. She didn’t dignify it with much of an answer hoping that it would shut him up. ‘No.’

‘He was a strange one. Very into his own thoughts wasn’t he. I knew a Ratheth Demon like that about fifty years ago in Denmark. Seemed so mild mannered – well mild as a Ratheth ever gets – but she was scary as hell. You never knew what was going on in her head from one minute to the next. Well heads actually. You ever seen a Ratheth?’ Willow shook her head in response and Spike continued rambling, searching for the right response trigger. ‘Not your scary kind of demon – apart from the tusks – but pretty mild mannered sods as a rule. Except this one. All of a sudden she just went her own way, betrayed her brood, wreaked havoc. Actually I kind of liked her.’

Willow knew, of course, what Spike was doing – trying to provoke her. Again. But she was so over the whole dog – Oz – thing. There was someone and something else in her life now. And it was different. It was better. It was perfect.

Spike, not so much a student of the human psyche as a person who remembered it like an interesting book he had read years before, realised that tack was going no where. Still he had eternity - or at least until they got dug out.

Or Red croaked. Now there was something to look forward to.

‘Ok, sorry. Dog Boy – sore topic’ he probed. ‘Still it’s funny how you jumped straight from him to blondie witch.’ With the flare in Willow’s eyes he knew that he had struck a nerve. ‘Slight difference there. Or was that the point?’

‘Her name is Tara.’ Willow riposted keeping her temper in check.

‘Okay. Tara. I expect that she is pretty frantic right about now. If anyone has bothered to tell her that you are stuck down here with me.’ He grinned seeing his words do their work. ‘I don’t think that the rest of them get it. Well her. What do you reckon? They get the two of you, but her… I’m not so sure they get her.’

‘Spike, leave it alone’ Willow warned him. Leave Tara alone.

Aaah a verbal reaction. He’d felt sure that Dog Boy would have done the trick but Red had clearly moved past that. Something to play on. And with. ‘So what is it between you and the stammer queen?’ If he’d had a cigarette with him he’d have lit it, sat back and watched this play out in as much comfort as you could sitting on a big rock but his cigs were under about three tons of rock. Thanks again Red. He might kill if he didn’t get a cigarette soon.

Well he would have done.

‘Spike…’ Willow warned, not in any mood to hear her love denigrated… or even talked about by this, thing.

Enjoying himself far too much now to stop Spike ploughed ahead. After all what more was there to his unlife right now? Worst came to the worst maybe he could be a vampire toad.

‘No. I mean it seriously. What is it? I bet that is what everyone has to be wondering. College experimentation? A fling? Full body grinding or…’ Seeing Willow’s eyes flare confirmed what he had already known. ‘Big time love of your life?’ Obviously Willow was in the latter, he could see that, but his point about the others was a serious one. God they could be so blind… Besides it would be fun to get the witch to say it.

‘That, Spike, is none of your business.’ Willow finally replied, after considering and forcing herself to calm down for a second or too.

‘Oh come on. Just tell me what it is,’ he did actually want to know.

‘What do you care? You have no soul,’ Willow told him.

‘Yeah maybe but that has nothing to do with love. I tell you I can still love. Strange really how that happens. All the sodding poets bleating about love and the soul and you don’t even need one.’

‘Really? Harmony?’ Willow was not above a little mischief of her own in retaliation.

‘That ditzy prom queen? Hah!’ He was about as close to loving Harm as he was to loving the slayer.

‘Drusilla.’

‘Oh yeah,’ he knew he was lost in thought for a minute there. ‘Love of my sodding unlife… till the bitch left me for a chaos demon. I told you that right?’ Spike asked, the memories of his first return to Sunnydale not totally clear in his head. Accelerated healing never seemed to work for hangovers which, if his memory of mortal days was anything to go by, were actually worse now. No blood to shift the effects unless you fed and that was tricky right now. Sodding soldier boys.

‘I think you mentioned it sometime between kidnapping me, beating up Xander and threatening to kill us if I didn’t do you a love spell,’ Willow told him pointedly.

‘I don’t think I ever apologised for that did I?’ Spike asked.

‘No you didn’t’ Willow confirmed to him, waiting for it. She looked at him expectantly.

‘What you looking at?’

‘You were going to apologise,’ she told him.

‘No I bloody well wasn’t.’

‘But you…’

‘I said that I never did apologise. Not that I would.’ Could she actually have thought that he was going to start apologising for stuff that he had done. Gods he’d be here all week. Then again they might be here all week anyway. Still when she croaked her last there would be a few minutes where she stayed fresh enough for a taste or a gulp.

‘If we don’t get out of here can I eat you?’ he asked.

‘What? You want me to tell you that you can eat me. That is unbelievable even for you Spike.’

‘Hey! I asked. And that is more than I would do for any of those others. God’s if I’d been in here with monkey man or the toy soldier I would just have gone ahead and done it. I asked you. Remember that.’ Then again the idea of feeding off the monkey man showed just how desperate he was getting. Ugggh.

‘Thanks. I think… wait a minute. What am I saying?’

‘Is that a yes?’ Spike ventured hopefully. Course she might be a little dry as it would be lack of water that did her in, but there would be more than a taste and it would let him hold out for a few days more… because those Scoobies wouldn’t give up. Not for their pet witch.

‘No!’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway think what they would say when they dug us out. Me dead – for whatever reason - and bite marks on me. You’d be staked in about three seconds flat. Maybe less,’ she smiled sweetly at him. ‘In fact you might get staked just for being alive when I am dead.’

Spike thought about that. The witch might have a point. ‘Maybe I could crush your body under a big rock…’ he mused aloud.

‘Spike!’

‘Okay, okay. That was a no though.’ A bloke had to keep trying, besides maybe, if she agreed then the chip might not kick in – even if she was just this side of dead. Fresher.

‘Yes,’ she said and saw his face brighten. ‘Yes it was a “no you cannot eat me when I am dead.” Besides they will get us out long before that.’

‘Glad you have faith. So anyway… love,’ he continued.

‘What?’ Willow was not sure what he meant.

‘We were talking about love. You were about to tell me about you and the stam – sorry - you and Tara.’

‘No Spike. I wasn’t.’

‘Oh come on. We’re going to die of boredom if we don’t do something and you won’t let me dig.’

‘I won’t let you pull the rest of the roof down on us.’ That said Willow had to concede that point but wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking about the woman whose arms she should be in right now. She was missing that already. Getting worried about what Tara would be thinking. Feeling. Eventually she looked up and found Spike observing her silently.

‘You were thinking about her then? Weren’t you?’ he asked with a mental Ah-ha ‘Tell the truth.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thought so. You two are really in love aren’t you? You have the only sort of love that matters don’t you? The sort that hurts…’ Spike asked her, genuinely interested. It might be useful to know what pulled these kiddies strings once the chip was out of his head. She looked at him not denying it. ‘Not the whips and chains sort of hurt… or is it?’ he asked her teasingly.

‘No. No whips and no chains,’ Willow confirmed almost even smiling.

‘Okay. The sort of hurt that comes to you every time you think about her and she isn’t there for you to hold. Like just then,’ Spike suggested.

Willow was surprised. That was exactly what she had been feeling. And it wasn't the first time Spike had done that – to her or some of the others. He had seen right inside her and read her soul. She couldn’t decide if that was a violation or actually a good thing that he was able to tell how people felt – even if he didn’t seem to care much.

‘I’m right aren’t I?’

‘Yes you are. Always and forever – that’s our love.’

‘Eternal?’ he asked her.

‘That’s what it means I guess. I like that eternal…’ He smiled sadly and Willow didn’t miss it. ‘What?’

‘You have to watch out for that eternal love. It never is.’

‘You don’t know what we have,’ Willow told him, indignant that he would judge them.

‘It’s not about what you have. What you have will get you just so far. A lifetime maybe – if you are lucky. But I know something about eternal love. People like us, those who walk in – or fight – darkness, things happen to people like us and that doesn’t usually bode well for the whole eternal love side of things.’ He was thinking of Angelus’s effect on Dru, but he could see that she had her own examples in mind. Dog boy perhaps. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘A lifetime would do me. It would do us.’

‘But whose, love? Whose lifetime? Life can be short or long.’ Willow’s expression shifted again and she was beginning to think of that and all of a sudden he didn’t want a depressed witch on his hands. ‘But hey, I’m sure that won’t happen to you two.’

Willow looked at him hard, saw that there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice. ‘Thanks. You know that’s not the first time you have looked inside me or someone I know. You’re a sensitive kind of person… well vampire,’ Willow was still willing to give as good as she got. Though she would much rather that was with Tara.

‘Hey! Look I am not bloody sensitive love! I have been called a lot of nasty things but that is really taking the sodding piss.’

‘In a kind of reading your soul way… not that you are all into giving gifts and being tender or anything awful like that,’ Willow reassured him and found he was mollified by that.

‘Funny thing…’ he mused accepting her words in the spirit of relieving the boredom. ‘I had to become a vampire and lose my soul to learn how to do that. I could never do it… before,’ Spike said reminiscing on his human past, reliving it in a flash before his eyes and realising once more why he wanted to forget all about that time. Those years and those people he had once thought of as friends. Hell, he was closer to the slayer’s chums than he had been to anyone he had once called a friend when he was alive.

‘So why?’ Willow had figured that when he’d had a soul that he must have been good at that sort of thing and just remembered how to do it now. Not that he could possibly have learnt to appreciate people’s feelings. That wasn’t really compatible with ripping their throats out – which people, as a rule, would feel pretty bad about.

‘You’re forgetting Dru. I had a century of balls to the wall, head over heels, literally insane love with her. And she was a little…’

‘Crazy?’

‘If you like. I had to learn to read her mood. Sometimes she was as sweet, innocent and guileless as a child.’

‘And the rest of the time she was a cold-blooded killer?’ Willow completed.

‘Well never cold… But yeah… Happy days.’ Spikes eyes misted over as he waltzed through his memories. ‘But the point is that figuring out someone like Dru, and keeping up with her. That takes special skills, which is why that slimy fungus demon will never hold onto her.’

‘And those special skills tell you that I am in love with Tara? Well woohoo. Anyone could see that.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Couldn’t they?’ Willow of course meant her friends.

Spike knew that he could have twisted things up now, got Red going again. But heck what was the point? He might have all week for that. At least until she croaked, which he was still sort of hoping for. ‘Yeah I think they can. Some of your chums are still a little wierded out, but they know you love her. And that she loves you at least as much,’ he offered.

‘At least as much,’ thought Willow- wow that was a whole lot of love. ‘Wait a minute… why are you being so nice? I’m not going to let you eat me.’

‘I am not being nice. I don’t do nice,’ he shot back indignant at the assumption, especially being as he had never thought of that – be nice and she might let you eat her. Damn that was a plan. Time was he had been good at making plans – even if his impatience tended to stop them being carried through. Must be losing the knack. ‘I was just telling the truth. Besides I can see why she likes you.’

‘Huh?’

‘I can just understand it. You were always the one I was going to eat last… You know, back when I could feed on people.’

Aww, ‘Even after Buffy?’ For some absurd reason that actually made her feel better.

‘Even after the sodding slayer – since I figure she would have to be dead first before I would get much of a shot at the rest of you.’

She’d be last. Ewww. The “better” feeling was rapidly replaced by the disgust at the notion of being Spike’s chosen.

‘You were always looked the tastier morsel, when you were all fuzzy and pink. Though I’m not sure about the whole hippy chick look. That was fine in the sixties but retro is so… old.’

‘Says you…’ She desperately tried to think of something, kept coming up with Abba which wasn't quite right then it clicked. ‘Sid!’

‘A fair cop. You just looked so cute and edible like that. Blood isn’t the only thing you know. Not when you get on a bit at least. The packaging starts to matter more and more. You start out being happy with some beggar girl and a century later the only reason you would go near her would be for a bit of rough. If you want to slum it.’

‘You become a snob?’

‘Yeah, if you like. And you’re very posh. Well you were. Plus I thought you might have potential. You were always a meal, but with Dru gone I was looking for someone who was slightly less annoying than the average bear, you know what I mean?’

‘And that’s why you wanted to make me vampire?’ she asked, morbidly fascinated, knowing she should have asked him to shut up long ago.

‘Well you can’t just turn anyone. Too soft and you would get staked in a week. Too hard and they might cause me problems. Too annoying like your monkey friend and you expose yourself to an eternity of pain rectified only by a piece of wood. You on the other hand had good potential, plus the whole witchcraft thing – it could have been handy. Still might be. I mean if it was a case of you dying in here or being a vampire…’

‘No you can’t eat me and you are not to change me,’ she told him once more. ‘Besides I’m not sure,’ Willow continued more slowly, ‘That you would have survived my potential.’

‘Now what would make you say that?’ Spike asked her intrigued. That was not the sort of thing that a person said about being changed.

‘I sort of, well… I saw myself as a vampire once and it was not pretty sight.’

‘Whoa, that’s news. I bet you were a sight though – all pink and fuzzy, but with teeth. Mmmmn’ Very posh indeed.

‘Actually no. I was more kind of skanky, evil. All leather and push ups. Kind of a dominatrix.’ That might not be the best way to put Spike off though given his tastes and preferences.

Spike was pulling his face. ‘Doesn’t sound like you at all. Glad I didn’t change you. I’ve seen a few dom vampire chicks in my time. Bad bitches one and all.’

‘Very bad. And I was kind of gay too.’ Just so they were clear, she didn’t say, that there was nothing there for Spike with a vamp Willow.

‘Well I guess the truth will out then.’

‘Yeah I guess so – not that I am a dominatrix or anything. Nothing in fact. Absolutely not. Not at all dom. Or doing tricks.’ Just to be clear once more.

‘So blondie goes on top then?’

‘Some… no…’ She saw him grinning from ear to ear. ‘You were doing so well too.’

‘Oh come on, if we can’t have a laugh what can we do, talk about the weather?’ He looked up made a play of scanning the roof of the cave. ‘Looks like rock again.’ He saw her actually smile.

‘You’re a complicated guy Spike. You’re not what you pretend to be. I mean okay you are a nasty killer vampire,’ she saw him beaming with pride, ‘but despite being a soulless minion of hell you have your depths – perceptive insight. You see things others miss. But you hate that don’t you?’

‘I hate who I was. The poet,’ he noticed her look of surprise. ‘And that goes no bloody further either or I will take definite pleasure in the headache I get when I crush your skull.’ She nodded and he carried on. ‘Then I became immortal and couldn’t forget who I was – so William really did have to die and Spike was born. I guess in my living days I was kind of fuzzy too. We’ve both outgrown it.’

‘Yeah.’ They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the work going on to get them out. It seemed to be getting louder and Willow knew she might not have this chance again… Spike was the only person she knew who had succeeded in a long term relationship – even if it was over now… By the goddess how sad was that? ‘You think me and Tara… can we last?’ She knew the answer in her own heart, but she was biased – Spike had been right more than once before. And besides if he told her something she didn’t want to hear then, well he was Spike.

Spike was surprised to be asked and for while he thought about it. Funny, but the option of lying to her never entered his mind. He had to get rid of this sodding chip. ‘Yeah. You can last. You can last forever… truly.’

She was happy at that and didn’t hide it from him. ‘Thank you.’

‘You could last if it was just the love.’ He qualified. ‘Other things, they get in the way. Stupid arguments. Things other people do. Other… bad things.’ He wanted to add death to the list but again was trying to avoid depressed witch, besides that wouldn’t even be fun. ‘Keep each other safe. Listen to what she is really saying – not what you want to hear or what you think she is saying and don’t keep secrets. That’s the Spike recipe…’

‘And look at what happened to you?’ she completed for him.

‘Yeah, but I stopped following the recipe.’

‘Oh.’

‘And one last thing…’ he added.

‘What’s that?’

‘Shag her silly,’ he gave her his best wolfish grin.

‘Okay.’

------------------
She's my always

IP: Logged

mollyig
Willowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

IP: Logged

emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               
"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

IP: Logged

legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

IP: Logged

IP: LoggedmollyigWillowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 05:33                Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.
IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               


I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)
IP: Loggedemily 'first'Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               


"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 14:48                "Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 22:43                Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Zahir » Sun Oct 21, 2001 10:32 pm

Katharyn, you ever read The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant The Unbeliever? They're fantasy novels, but with very mature themes. One involves the "Dark Lord" who's the Big Bad in the books. His name (well, one of them) is Lord Foul the Despiser, and he is truly immortal--so you can weaken him, defeat him, thwart him, but killing him is just not in the cards no matter what.

My point is--Lord Foul is hinted at being the embodiment of ultimate evil and corruption. Not death or cruelty or desire. He is Self Hatred Incarnate.

I was always impressed with that detail, for it spoke a Great Truth. Methinks its relavence to your story is obvious...
Methinks

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

Zahir
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Sun Oct 21, 2001 11:11 pm

Hey Zahir, I had never even actually heard of those books but I may look them up thanks.

I had never sat and thought to myself that this was actually self-hatred I was writing and when I saw your post I first thought "that sounds a bit extreme." But you know you are dead right in the sense of what (my version of) Tara believes that "self" to be. She hates what she will be, maybe a little less what she is right now and to some extent she hates the fact that she has so little (beyond Willow) that is worth fighting for and blames herself for that. And as such she risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now I have dug her into this pit of self-loathing all I have to do is get her, at least part way, out of it before Family and I kind of like the chosen method.

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby delany » Sun Oct 21, 2001 11:37 pm

ooo..er... ooh..
oh dear, tara's wants to go? she can't go!!! i need her!!! tell me she's gonna stay! waahhh!!! *ahem* ermm..yes..moving right along.. i don't really know how to feel. damn angst! makes me all gittery, wanting more.. more dammit!!
it's like cookies'n'cream ice cream, without the cookies.. you get the flavour.. but the satisfaction of well being isn't there..thats angst for ya i spose
but you have me waiting eagerly in anticipation for this very excellent tale to continue.. a sign of a supurb author, supurb.
(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del

delany
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Forrister » Mon Oct 22, 2001 3:04 am

Poor Tara. I think she's taking it way better than I would if I believed what she believes but nevertheless, poor Tara.

I've read the first two Thomas Covenant trilogies. There's some good stuff in them. But be warned - this series is one I read and will never read again. I found it incredibly depressing, real gut wrenching stuff. Quite frustrating too. But still there is merit in it. Anyhow thats my opinion for what it's worth.


Bis vincit qui se vincit.
(He conquers twice who conquers himself.)

Forrister
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Mon Oct 22, 2001 10:22 am

quote:
Originally posted by delany:

oh dear, tara's wants to go?

(how goes the butt kissing?? )

del


Tara doesn't want to go, but as of the end of this fic she is struggling to see any other option. Funny actually the first draft of this fic ended on a higher note, with her knowing she had to go, but doubting her own reasoning a little bit (as in the last two parts where there was also a little positive doubt), somehow in the redraft that got lost, however that is not so bad given the part 38. You'll see what I mean then, I shocked myself when I wrote pt38. My aim was to get her back to canon by the start of Family - which I take to be firmly that Tara still thinks she is/will be a demon, but not that she is/will be evil because of that. The shock was just how it worked. It was one of those blessed parts that just wrote itself, all I did was type it in. And yet again I am revealing far too much... maybe it is tantalising I don't know!

As for the butt kissing... your're doing just fine!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 22, 2001).]quote:

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby emily 'first' » Tue Oct 23, 2001 3:32 pm

okaay,don't know whether should say this...again...so soon...
we went back to the 'top' and read it all again-over a few evenings of nights...
you paint 'vivid' pictures to 'hook' our imagination,
you make us shed a tear,
you make us smile,
you make us laugh out loud,
you make us grrrr! in frustration,
you make us go yippeee! in the fulfilment of our every wish,
you keep us coming back for more!!
so...
Katharyn...
Don't ever stop!!
vive valeque.
***

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 23, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 24, 2001).]

emily 'first'
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Tue Oct 23, 2001 9:40 pm

Wow Emily, a feedback poem! That must be a first...

Thanks mucho

As for never stopping, regretably the end is in sight. The Cycle ends in the aftermath of Family. But... work has already begun on a few tentative parts (based on post Family S5 eps) for the sequel "The Middle Bit"(?!) though that will not hit the boards until I (start) seeing S6 and know where the heck I am going...
But before that there is that whim of mine the Sidestep. I can't imagine now not going a few days without posting some fic! Essentially, as you will realise, I:
a) am addicted to writing
b) am addicted to feedback
c) have far too much free time despite a full time job

Katharyn

Edited to add Part 37(?) will be posted tomorrow. A little "Spike/Willow" relief from the troubles of Tara. My first Spike fic though so be gentle...

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 24, 2001).]

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Wed Oct 24, 2001 10:25 pm

Part 37 Kittens. As long promised a little change from Tara's angst. And as mentioned yesterday this is my first attempt at Spike. Be gentle.

Katharyn
------------
Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Kind of Fuzzy (Part 37)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Replacement” which this fic occurs after.
Summary: Willow gets trapped in a cave with Spike and awaiting rescue they talk.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This fic is one of those pieces of “fluff” that I like to use to lighten the mood a little and it is a chance to use Willow a little more than is otherwise possible in the run up to “Family.” Sorry about that Willow fans but I am sure you can understand why much of the focus is on Tara at this point.
As for the Willow/Spike relationship here (and no not that kind of relationship) I think that it is just about supported by canon – there is – well was- something different between them than was the case with other Scooby Gang members.
And yes there are a couple of gaping logic gaps here… sue me.
Thanks To: This one goes out to all the spoiler-ho’s. If I didn’t have you to struggle against I might have succumbed long ago. L, come home soon…


The Beginning Cycle

Kind of fuzzy

By

Katharyn Rosser

‘In hindsight I admit that tying a Crocett demon to the roof support might not have been the best plan in the world,’ Willow conceded as they stood staring at the rubble that blocked the tunnel they were now trapped in. The tail of the demon emerged from under one of the larger rocks. It had twitched for a while after the cave in but neither she nor Spike had made a move to do a thing for it. From Willow’s point of view being trapped in here with even one demon was bad enough. Even if he was chipped. Tax dollars well spent right now.

‘You think?’ Spike asked not impressed by the turn of events. ‘If I were to borrow a phrase from you and your chums I might say “Duh.” Not very bloody intelligent Red, I thought you were the brains of the outfit. Giles did warn us that they secreted acid. I heard him. I was listening.’

‘Yes, well so did…’ Willow broke off as Spike looked at her, eyebrows raised, sceptical before she had even spoken. ‘Ok so maybe I didn’t hear him say that, but I was listening. I just missed that.’ It had seemed pretty routine. With Buffy away for the weekend taking Dawn to see their grandparents and her sisters friends from LA, the Scoobies had assumed that they would be able to deal with the small matter of a pair of Crocett demons. Normally harmless, almost cuddly in a sort of fanged and clawed way, demons they were trickier to deal with when the mating fury came upon them. This pair had unfortunately caused problems – highly visible problems. So with Spike and Riley along for extra firepower they had attempted to calm things down until the urge passed from the demons. Course that was what she thought the decision had been… she had not been paying as much attention as she could have done.

‘As I recall you were too busy sucking faces with your little blondie witch,’ Spike pointed out, imagining the bollocking he would have been getting if their positions had been reversed.

Willow said nothing to that. They hadn’t, exactly, been sucking faces but they had been a little distracted in the meeting. Still riding the high of life that had swept them along since they had got together they had been… distracted… a lot more lately. More really than at any time since the very beginning… Tara was getting more passionate. Not that she was complaining about that. No sir, no complaints about that at all. But she was also getting a little more confident… at one time they hardly dared to touch each other’s hands in public. Now… It was nice.

She had a few more complaints about her current situation. There had been a time when being buried alive with Spike would have made her fear for her life. Now though the greatest danger of him feeding off her was when she died from lack of oxygen. Either way she wouldn’t see Tara again. At least the vampire wasn’t breathing though. And the others were out there, digging them out. It was just going to take time with no superpower people to help them. She’d stopped Spike from trying from this side for fear of dislodging another damaged support. Inactivity seemed to have brought the vampire to allocating blame instead – which she had to accept some of.

‘And now, we’re buried together. Well done,’ Spike continued. Putting on a crude impersonation of what Willow assumed was Giles he continued ‘Good show.’ He switched back into his own voice. ‘You know I was heading out tonight… It’s delivery night at the blood bank and a free party at the Bronze.’

‘Ok look, I’m sorry, but being buried alive with you isn’t exactly what I had in mind for this evening either.’ Willow was getting just a bit narked off with the vampire and his snide remarks – it wasn’t like he had even waited to start until they were trapped. ‘Anyway everything was ok until you threatened to kill her.’

‘Well yeah. She was a demon! I can kill demons.’ Spike pointed out. ‘That’s all I can bloody well do. And I do it very well thank you. You and your chums don’t seem to mind when you actually want something ripped apart do you?’

‘Yes, no…, but she hadn’t done anything…it was her mate we needed to get. You just wanted to kill her just because you could’ Willow remonstrated. ‘You go on about knowing the plan but then ignore it just so you can hurt someone.’

‘Something love. Not someone. Look I’m a sodding vampire. Nearly anyway…but for this chip. If I can’t kill for food then I’ll bloody well do it for fun – you know that better than most’ he pointed out to the witch. Why the hell couldn’t she just magic these boulders and rubble out of the way? He asked as much.

‘Bit out of my league. These are big stones… I never managed anything this big-’ she broke off seeing Spike smirk. ‘What…oh….urghhh… You know what I mean! Without Tara…’

Spikes grin widened.

Willow gave up and lapsed into silence, glad of the torchlight. It would be no good to be here in the dark with the vampire.

After half and hour or so later and there seemed no prospect of an early release from the tunnels though Spike had found a draft from a small hole far above their heads in a cave nearby. Fresh-ish air. No one would suffocate then. Which meant that Willow was able to talk. Only she seemed to want to stay silent, so Spike decided to push a few buttons. No point in being bored stupid as well as trapped.

‘Heard from dog boy recently?’ he asked.

It was an off the cuff remark of the kind that Willow knew he used to wind people up. She didn’t dignify it with much of an answer hoping that it would shut him up. ‘No.’

‘He was a strange one. Very into his own thoughts wasn’t he. I knew a Ratheth Demon like that about fifty years ago in Denmark. Seemed so mild mannered – well mild as a Ratheth ever gets – but she was scary as hell. You never knew what was going on in her head from one minute to the next. Well heads actually. You ever seen a Ratheth?’ Willow shook her head in response and Spike continued rambling, searching for the right response trigger. ‘Not your scary kind of demon – apart from the tusks – but pretty mild mannered sods as a rule. Except this one. All of a sudden she just went her own way, betrayed her brood, wreaked havoc. Actually I kind of liked her.’

Willow knew, of course, what Spike was doing – trying to provoke her. Again. But she was so over the whole dog – Oz – thing. There was someone and something else in her life now. And it was different. It was better. It was perfect.

Spike, not so much a student of the human psyche as a person who remembered it like an interesting book he had read years before, realised that tack was going no where. Still he had eternity - or at least until they got dug out.

Or Red croaked. Now there was something to look forward to.

‘Ok, sorry. Dog Boy – sore topic’ he probed. ‘Still it’s funny how you jumped straight from him to blondie witch.’ With the flare in Willow’s eyes he knew that he had struck a nerve. ‘Slight difference there. Or was that the point?’

‘Her name is Tara.’ Willow riposted keeping her temper in check.

‘Okay. Tara. I expect that she is pretty frantic right about now. If anyone has bothered to tell her that you are stuck down here with me.’ He grinned seeing his words do their work. ‘I don’t think that the rest of them get it. Well her. What do you reckon? They get the two of you, but her… I’m not so sure they get her.’

‘Spike, leave it alone’ Willow warned him. Leave Tara alone.

Aaah a verbal reaction. He’d felt sure that Dog Boy would have done the trick but Red had clearly moved past that. Something to play on. And with. ‘So what is it between you and the stammer queen?’ If he’d had a cigarette with him he’d have lit it, sat back and watched this play out in as much comfort as you could sitting on a big rock but his cigs were under about three tons of rock. Thanks again Red. He might kill if he didn’t get a cigarette soon.

Well he would have done.

‘Spike…’ Willow warned, not in any mood to hear her love denigrated… or even talked about by this, thing.

Enjoying himself far too much now to stop Spike ploughed ahead. After all what more was there to his unlife right now? Worst came to the worst maybe he could be a vampire toad.

‘No. I mean it seriously. What is it? I bet that is what everyone has to be wondering. College experimentation? A fling? Full body grinding or…’ Seeing Willow’s eyes flare confirmed what he had already known. ‘Big time love of your life?’ Obviously Willow was in the latter, he could see that, but his point about the others was a serious one. God they could be so blind… Besides it would be fun to get the witch to say it.

‘That, Spike, is none of your business.’ Willow finally replied, after considering and forcing herself to calm down for a second or too.

‘Oh come on. Just tell me what it is,’ he did actually want to know.

‘What do you care? You have no soul,’ Willow told him.

‘Yeah maybe but that has nothing to do with love. I tell you I can still love. Strange really how that happens. All the sodding poets bleating about love and the soul and you don’t even need one.’

‘Really? Harmony?’ Willow was not above a little mischief of her own in retaliation.

‘That ditzy prom queen? Hah!’ He was about as close to loving Harm as he was to loving the slayer.

‘Drusilla.’

‘Oh yeah,’ he knew he was lost in thought for a minute there. ‘Love of my sodding unlife… till the bitch left me for a chaos demon. I told you that right?’ Spike asked, the memories of his first return to Sunnydale not totally clear in his head. Accelerated healing never seemed to work for hangovers which, if his memory of mortal days was anything to go by, were actually worse now. No blood to shift the effects unless you fed and that was tricky right now. Sodding soldier boys.

‘I think you mentioned it sometime between kidnapping me, beating up Xander and threatening to kill us if I didn’t do you a love spell,’ Willow told him pointedly.

‘I don’t think I ever apologised for that did I?’ Spike asked.

‘No you didn’t’ Willow confirmed to him, waiting for it. She looked at him expectantly.

‘What you looking at?’

‘You were going to apologise,’ she told him.

‘No I bloody well wasn’t.’

‘But you…’

‘I said that I never did apologise. Not that I would.’ Could she actually have thought that he was going to start apologising for stuff that he had done. Gods he’d be here all week. Then again they might be here all week anyway. Still when she croaked her last there would be a few minutes where she stayed fresh enough for a taste or a gulp.

‘If we don’t get out of here can I eat you?’ he asked.

‘What? You want me to tell you that you can eat me. That is unbelievable even for you Spike.’

‘Hey! I asked. And that is more than I would do for any of those others. God’s if I’d been in here with monkey man or the toy soldier I would just have gone ahead and done it. I asked you. Remember that.’ Then again the idea of feeding off the monkey man showed just how desperate he was getting. Ugggh.

‘Thanks. I think… wait a minute. What am I saying?’

‘Is that a yes?’ Spike ventured hopefully. Course she might be a little dry as it would be lack of water that did her in, but there would be more than a taste and it would let him hold out for a few days more… because those Scoobies wouldn’t give up. Not for their pet witch.

‘No!’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway think what they would say when they dug us out. Me dead – for whatever reason - and bite marks on me. You’d be staked in about three seconds flat. Maybe less,’ she smiled sweetly at him. ‘In fact you might get staked just for being alive when I am dead.’

Spike thought about that. The witch might have a point. ‘Maybe I could crush your body under a big rock…’ he mused aloud.

‘Spike!’

‘Okay, okay. That was a no though.’ A bloke had to keep trying, besides maybe, if she agreed then the chip might not kick in – even if she was just this side of dead. Fresher.

‘Yes,’ she said and saw his face brighten. ‘Yes it was a “no you cannot eat me when I am dead.” Besides they will get us out long before that.’

‘Glad you have faith. So anyway… love,’ he continued.

‘What?’ Willow was not sure what he meant.

‘We were talking about love. You were about to tell me about you and the stam – sorry - you and Tara.’

‘No Spike. I wasn’t.’

‘Oh come on. We’re going to die of boredom if we don’t do something and you won’t let me dig.’

‘I won’t let you pull the rest of the roof down on us.’ That said Willow had to concede that point but wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking about the woman whose arms she should be in right now. She was missing that already. Getting worried about what Tara would be thinking. Feeling. Eventually she looked up and found Spike observing her silently.

‘You were thinking about her then? Weren’t you?’ he asked with a mental Ah-ha ‘Tell the truth.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thought so. You two are really in love aren’t you? You have the only sort of love that matters don’t you? The sort that hurts…’ Spike asked her, genuinely interested. It might be useful to know what pulled these kiddies strings once the chip was out of his head. She looked at him not denying it. ‘Not the whips and chains sort of hurt… or is it?’ he asked her teasingly.

‘No. No whips and no chains,’ Willow confirmed almost even smiling.

‘Okay. The sort of hurt that comes to you every time you think about her and she isn’t there for you to hold. Like just then,’ Spike suggested.

Willow was surprised. That was exactly what she had been feeling. And it wasn't the first time Spike had done that – to her or some of the others. He had seen right inside her and read her soul. She couldn’t decide if that was a violation or actually a good thing that he was able to tell how people felt – even if he didn’t seem to care much.

‘I’m right aren’t I?’

‘Yes you are. Always and forever – that’s our love.’

‘Eternal?’ he asked her.

‘That’s what it means I guess. I like that eternal…’ He smiled sadly and Willow didn’t miss it. ‘What?’

‘You have to watch out for that eternal love. It never is.’

‘You don’t know what we have,’ Willow told him, indignant that he would judge them.

‘It’s not about what you have. What you have will get you just so far. A lifetime maybe – if you are lucky. But I know something about eternal love. People like us, those who walk in – or fight – darkness, things happen to people like us and that doesn’t usually bode well for the whole eternal love side of things.’ He was thinking of Angelus’s effect on Dru, but he could see that she had her own examples in mind. Dog boy perhaps. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘A lifetime would do me. It would do us.’

‘But whose, love? Whose lifetime? Life can be short or long.’ Willow’s expression shifted again and she was beginning to think of that and all of a sudden he didn’t want a depressed witch on his hands. ‘But hey, I’m sure that won’t happen to you two.’

Willow looked at him hard, saw that there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice. ‘Thanks. You know that’s not the first time you have looked inside me or someone I know. You’re a sensitive kind of person… well vampire,’ Willow was still willing to give as good as she got. Though she would much rather that was with Tara.

‘Hey! Look I am not bloody sensitive love! I have been called a lot of nasty things but that is really taking the sodding piss.’

‘In a kind of reading your soul way… not that you are all into giving gifts and being tender or anything awful like that,’ Willow reassured him and found he was mollified by that.

‘Funny thing…’ he mused accepting her words in the spirit of relieving the boredom. ‘I had to become a vampire and lose my soul to learn how to do that. I could never do it… before,’ Spike said reminiscing on his human past, reliving it in a flash before his eyes and realising once more why he wanted to forget all about that time. Those years and those people he had once thought of as friends. Hell, he was closer to the slayer’s chums than he had been to anyone he had once called a friend when he was alive.

‘So why?’ Willow had figured that when he’d had a soul that he must have been good at that sort of thing and just remembered how to do it now. Not that he could possibly have learnt to appreciate people’s feelings. That wasn’t really compatible with ripping their throats out – which people, as a rule, would feel pretty bad about.

‘You’re forgetting Dru. I had a century of balls to the wall, head over heels, literally insane love with her. And she was a little…’

‘Crazy?’

‘If you like. I had to learn to read her mood. Sometimes she was as sweet, innocent and guileless as a child.’

‘And the rest of the time she was a cold-blooded killer?’ Willow completed.

‘Well never cold… But yeah… Happy days.’ Spikes eyes misted over as he waltzed through his memories. ‘But the point is that figuring out someone like Dru, and keeping up with her. That takes special skills, which is why that slimy fungus demon will never hold onto her.’

‘And those special skills tell you that I am in love with Tara? Well woohoo. Anyone could see that.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Couldn’t they?’ Willow of course meant her friends.

Spike knew that he could have twisted things up now, got Red going again. But heck what was the point? He might have all week for that. At least until she croaked, which he was still sort of hoping for. ‘Yeah I think they can. Some of your chums are still a little wierded out, but they know you love her. And that she loves you at least as much,’ he offered.

‘At least as much,’ thought Willow- wow that was a whole lot of love. ‘Wait a minute… why are you being so nice? I’m not going to let you eat me.’

‘I am not being nice. I don’t do nice,’ he shot back indignant at the assumption, especially being as he had never thought of that – be nice and she might let you eat her. Damn that was a plan. Time was he had been good at making plans – even if his impatience tended to stop them being carried through. Must be losing the knack. ‘I was just telling the truth. Besides I can see why she likes you.’

‘Huh?’

‘I can just understand it. You were always the one I was going to eat last… You know, back when I could feed on people.’

Aww, ‘Even after Buffy?’ For some absurd reason that actually made her feel better.

‘Even after the sodding slayer – since I figure she would have to be dead first before I would get much of a shot at the rest of you.’

She’d be last. Ewww. The “better” feeling was rapidly replaced by the disgust at the notion of being Spike’s chosen.

‘You were always looked the tastier morsel, when you were all fuzzy and pink. Though I’m not sure about the whole hippy chick look. That was fine in the sixties but retro is so… old.’

‘Says you…’ She desperately tried to think of something, kept coming up with Abba which wasn't quite right then it clicked. ‘Sid!’

‘A fair cop. You just looked so cute and edible like that. Blood isn’t the only thing you know. Not when you get on a bit at least. The packaging starts to matter more and more. You start out being happy with some beggar girl and a century later the only reason you would go near her would be for a bit of rough. If you want to slum it.’

‘You become a snob?’

‘Yeah, if you like. And you’re very posh. Well you were. Plus I thought you might have potential. You were always a meal, but with Dru gone I was looking for someone who was slightly less annoying than the average bear, you know what I mean?’

‘And that’s why you wanted to make me vampire?’ she asked, morbidly fascinated, knowing she should have asked him to shut up long ago.

‘Well you can’t just turn anyone. Too soft and you would get staked in a week. Too hard and they might cause me problems. Too annoying like your monkey friend and you expose yourself to an eternity of pain rectified only by a piece of wood. You on the other hand had good potential, plus the whole witchcraft thing – it could have been handy. Still might be. I mean if it was a case of you dying in here or being a vampire…’

‘No you can’t eat me and you are not to change me,’ she told him once more. ‘Besides I’m not sure,’ Willow continued more slowly, ‘That you would have survived my potential.’

‘Now what would make you say that?’ Spike asked her intrigued. That was not the sort of thing that a person said about being changed.

‘I sort of, well… I saw myself as a vampire once and it was not pretty sight.’

‘Whoa, that’s news. I bet you were a sight though – all pink and fuzzy, but with teeth. Mmmmn’ Very posh indeed.

‘Actually no. I was more kind of skanky, evil. All leather and push ups. Kind of a dominatrix.’ That might not be the best way to put Spike off though given his tastes and preferences.

Spike was pulling his face. ‘Doesn’t sound like you at all. Glad I didn’t change you. I’ve seen a few dom vampire chicks in my time. Bad bitches one and all.’

‘Very bad. And I was kind of gay too.’ Just so they were clear, she didn’t say, that there was nothing there for Spike with a vamp Willow.

‘Well I guess the truth will out then.’

‘Yeah I guess so – not that I am a dominatrix or anything. Nothing in fact. Absolutely not. Not at all dom. Or doing tricks.’ Just to be clear once more.

‘So blondie goes on top then?’

‘Some… no…’ She saw him grinning from ear to ear. ‘You were doing so well too.’

‘Oh come on, if we can’t have a laugh what can we do, talk about the weather?’ He looked up made a play of scanning the roof of the cave. ‘Looks like rock again.’ He saw her actually smile.

‘You’re a complicated guy Spike. You’re not what you pretend to be. I mean okay you are a nasty killer vampire,’ she saw him beaming with pride, ‘but despite being a soulless minion of hell you have your depths – perceptive insight. You see things others miss. But you hate that don’t you?’

‘I hate who I was. The poet,’ he noticed her look of surprise. ‘And that goes no bloody further either or I will take definite pleasure in the headache I get when I crush your skull.’ She nodded and he carried on. ‘Then I became immortal and couldn’t forget who I was – so William really did have to die and Spike was born. I guess in my living days I was kind of fuzzy too. We’ve both outgrown it.’

‘Yeah.’ They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the work going on to get them out. It seemed to be getting louder and Willow knew she might not have this chance again… Spike was the only person she knew who had succeeded in a long term relationship – even if it was over now… By the goddess how sad was that? ‘You think me and Tara… can we last?’ She knew the answer in her own heart, but she was biased – Spike had been right more than once before. And besides if he told her something she didn’t want to hear then, well he was Spike.

Spike was surprised to be asked and for while he thought about it. Funny, but the option of lying to her never entered his mind. He had to get rid of this sodding chip. ‘Yeah. You can last. You can last forever… truly.’

She was happy at that and didn’t hide it from him. ‘Thank you.’

‘You could last if it was just the love.’ He qualified. ‘Other things, they get in the way. Stupid arguments. Things other people do. Other… bad things.’ He wanted to add death to the list but again was trying to avoid depressed witch, besides that wouldn’t even be fun. ‘Keep each other safe. Listen to what she is really saying – not what you want to hear or what you think she is saying and don’t keep secrets. That’s the Spike recipe…’

‘And look at what happened to you?’ she completed for him.

‘Yeah, but I stopped following the recipe.’

‘Oh.’

‘And one last thing…’ he added.

‘What’s that?’

‘Shag her silly,’ he gave her his best wolfish grin.

‘Okay.’

------------------
She's my always

IP: Logged

mollyig
Willowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

IP: Logged

emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               
"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

IP: Logged

legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

IP: Logged

IP: LoggedmollyigWillowhand


Posts: 420
Registered: May 2001
posted October 25, 2001 05:33               
Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 05:33                Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.
IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 25, 2001 06:10               


I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 06:10               

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)
IP: Loggedemily 'first'Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 25, 2001 14:48               


"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 14:48                "Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 25, 2001 22:43               
Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 25, 2001 22:43                Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby mollyig » Thu Oct 25, 2001 2:33 am

Hi Katharyn,

Another great addition to the cycle. I love what you did here. I've always been impressed with Spike's ability to suss people. All the trouble he caused at the end of Season 4 was as a result of using this talent.

Thank ye kindly.

------------------
Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of.

mollyig
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Forrister » Thu Oct 25, 2001 3:10 am

I love it when Spike decides to play. Him and Willow have always had an odd sort of chemistry together. [No, not that sort of chemistry. More a sort of perverse sibling sort of chemistry, kind of a big brother/little sister thing, in a twisted kind of way.]

The spirit of Spike sat on your shoulder for this. Congratulations! (And don't forget to change your shirt - he can be a messy bugger!)


Magnus frater spectat te.
(Big Brother is watching you.)

Forrister
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby emily 'first' » Thu Oct 25, 2001 11:48 am

"Yesss!" and "Yippeee!"
****
Outside,it's a Dark and Stormy night...
Wind is Dancing with the Trees.
Before I came online,I made a small wish,
even said,"Thank-you" and "Please."
****
I just knew! there was somebody listening.
Loving your 'take' on Spike,I kind of get the impression he's changing,or perhaps he was always like that and we just never realised.
**
Katharyn
vive,valeque
emily 'first'
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby legend » Thu Oct 25, 2001 7:43 pm

Another superb chapter!!

hehe - Spike and Willow trapped in a cave, and all they can talk about is Tara! I loved the way you portrayed Spike - Being perceptive and truthful, while not wanting to come across as nice. Also the way Willow breathes love for tara - fantastic!

[This message has been edited by legend (edited October 25, 2001).]

legend
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby delany » Thu Oct 25, 2001 10:40 pm

wahey!
i loved this!! it shows just how much willow loves tara. i love it how she gets all mushy and dreamy when she thinks of her darlin'..aww..
and i also liked how spike, not having a soul, can still love. i've tried to wrap my head around that concept (not having a soul and still loving), and was wondering if he could ever feel a love that was like w/t..hhm.. gets me thinking again..anyhoo..
can't wait till the next!

del

delany
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Fri Oct 26, 2001 11:10 am

quote:
Originally posted by delany:
and i also liked how spike, not having a soul, can still love. i've tried to wrap my head around that concept (not having a soul and still loving), and was wondering if he could ever feel a love that was like w/t..hhm..

I think that Spike thinks he did - Dru too as of her appearance in S5 (I forget the title) - and that is kind of what counts. If you know you are in love then who is anyone else to say different? If there was some eternal, universal standard to love that everyone could be measured against maybe vamps would drop off the scale but otherwise love is where it is found. IMHO.

Anyway thanks for the support once more y'all. Would I still be writing this but for the delicious morsels of feedback? Maybe for myself, but it would not be being posted anywhere. Thankyou all.

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always
quote:

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Katharyn » Sun Oct 28, 2001 4:56 am

Title: The Beginnings Cycle – The First. The Last. The Next & Chance (Part 38)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “The Replacement.” Material from “Family” as standard. This fic occurs between “The Replacement” and “Out of My Mind.”
Summary: Tara finds some real answers in an unlikely place.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This fic is almost entirely dream based and uses a few repeats of the same sequence with certain differences. As such there is a lot of the sort of stuff you get in dreams. Weirdness, acceptance of what is obviously false and impossible and denial of what should be. Unless that is just my dreams – in which case I apologise for troubling you all with my malformed psyche.
I have taken the liberty of naming Mr Maclay in passing, a reference to another part the actor once played for Fox.
Thanks To: L, great week coming.

The Beginnings Cycle

The First. The Last. The Next & The Chance.

By

Katharyn Rosser



-------------------
The Dreamers

Somewhere there was a young woman running through a cemetery after another one of the undead. She would catch it.

Somewhere there was a mother worrying about the pursuer. She would be relieved.

Somewhere there was a teenage girl, well past her bedtime, trying to remember what she had eaten for lunch, writing her journal. Eventually she would get it down.

Somewhere there was a bespectacled man attempting to make sense of the previous owner's accounts. He would realise that it wasn't quite like a school library.

Somewhere there was a vampire reading a book of poetry which he was sure to hide away in the cave beneath the crypt that was his home before anyone could see it. He would eventually not care what anyone saw.

Somewhere there was a man and a woman making love in new and exciting ways. They would do so again.

Somewhere there was scrabbling. A young cat beneath a bed in the midst of her dream stretching out and disembowelling some enemy with her claws, an enemy that was really the bedpost. She would never notice.

But here, now, there was just them. Two people intertwined in a bed sleeping in each other’s arms. One of them moaned softly and the other shifted in her own sleep to hold the one who was distressed closer until the noises ceased.

But that wouldn’t be right away.

Tara’s mind was somewhere else.

----------------------
The First

Tara knew that she was dreaming. Yet she also knew that she was home. How could she not know it?

The frost covered the ground between the house and the barn, shining in the early morning light. It was late autumn. The leaves long since fallen from the tree that towered over the house it stood next to.

Or should have.

The tree. It was shorter. It was no greater than the thickness of her forearm. Around it were some other saplings that would never grow and prosper in the shadow of their larger cousin. It must be a very long time ago she told herself and accepted this logic immediately. That must be what it was. What else could it be?

She was walking, unable to consciously guide her bare feet as they crunched the frozen fallen leaves. She heard it, but she did not feel it. Not the cold, not the rough ground, not even the leaves fracturing and being crushed beneath her feet. She twisted her head and looked at where her feet had passed. The ground was unblemished.

That was strange. But just the way it was.

She could hear shouting coming from inside the house. There was no paint on the house yet. Just the bare wood. That would never last… as long as it had to to when she would know it. But it was still being built. That was it, the lumber, the boxes of nails and the bare wood. The house was still being put together – even though someone was already living in it.

How could she have missed that?

The main living area was there, but the outbuildings, the old kitchen. That had yet to be built. Which was why it was not old. Stupid thing to call it “The Old Kitchen” as they always had. Why call it that if it had not even been built?

She wanted to run to the shouts but she could not. She just kept walking. This was her home. It would be? It was? If people were shouting she should be there. This was her family. It had to be. Her family had built this place.

Your family loves you Tara.

Unless she was not supposed to be here at all. Perhaps she was being bad.

I’m sorry sir, I don’t mean to be bad.

But her feet kept moving and as she stepped over the threshold she could feel the floor. The raw wood of the floorboards not yet sanded. Not yet polished as both she and her mother had done so often. Had done? Would do?

I’m sorry sir, I’ll get right to that.

She continued through the house guided not by the shouts but instead by instinct. She knew where she was going because there seemed no other place that she could go. There was only one fitting destination for a woman like her. One place that she would be taken or sent. That she had been. Mommy.

It was there. The special room. It was as new as the rest of the house. Not padded as it should be. Would be? No it was naked wood. As naked as the young blonde woman who huddled in the corner of the room muttering to herself ten to a dozen. Or more. The frame of the bed was covered with only a straw mattress. But it was a special frame, reinforced with forged iron brackets. To which the manacles were attached.

One day those would be hospital restraints. In a gentler, kinder age.

This wasn’t that age.

She stood at the door momentarily, taking in the scene. Her head too moving of it’s own accord. Behind her two young children a boy and a girl. The girl also blonde, the boy darker. The room, she realised, seeing it in this state had never been meant for this. It was a storeroom, the door not reinforced yet. The lack of a window not for security but instead just to use the space in the house best. The house had not been meant for this.

This was the first time and they were barely ready for it.

In the room, in the opposite corner to the young woman an older man. Her husband? Her father? But then she knew it was her father. Her father? No the naked woman’s father.

But suddenly she was naked too and unable to move her arms to cover herself.

But no one could see her. No one should see her.

It was cold, so cold in here. Had she left the door open?

I’m sorry sir, I’ll shut it now.

‘You see children? Do you see?’ the man asked the two just outside the room as she moved to a corner herself. ‘Do you see it?’ Was he asking them about her? No… no he was gesturing wildly towards the poor whimpering creature in the corner. ‘Do you see what makes me do this?’

‘Yes sir,’ the boy said.

The girl hesitated and then answered him ‘Y-y-yes sir.’

‘Y-y-yes sir.’ Tara said to no one at all. No one could see her. No one could hear her.

As soon as she spoke though the young woman’s head lifted in a flash and wild eyes fixed upon her own features. Those eyes. Those eyes seemed so familiar. It was like… it was like looking into her mother’s eyes. Or a mirror. Those eyes… they focussed. ‘I can seeee you… do you not see her father?’

The old man turned and looked at where his daughter’s filthy outstretched arm gestured, a frantic shaking point into the opposite corner. And looked right through Tara’s nude form. He shook his head sadly.

‘I can see you, I can see you. I tell myself that I shall not see you, that you are not real, that you are just another demon but I can see you,’ the woman seemingly told thin air in a sing song voice.

‘There is nothing there child!’ he shouted. Please tell me that you see nothing. Tell me that?’ he was pleading with his daughter now. ‘Tell me that so that I can let your children have their mother back.’ The tears rolled down his face. ‘I am sorry that Ronald is dead… I truly am… but the children need their mother. Come back to us. Tell me that you see nothing. Tell me there is nothing there.’ Finally he shouted at her once more. ‘Tell me that!’

‘I see you. I see you. I see you,’ was all that she could reply, cowering from his shouts.

‘And I see you too...’ Tara replied. ‘I see you.’

‘You see me? Am I real?’ the cowering young woman asked.

‘Yes honey, you are real,’ Tara told her.

‘Honey, honey, honey. I like honey. Ronald likes honey. Where is Ronald? Honey, honey, honey.’

‘You see children? You see why I must do this?’ he was openly crying now. So was the little girl. The boy was staring at his mother, his eyes cold and judging her harshly.

‘Y-y-yes’ the girl sniffled to her grandfather. ‘I see.’

‘Chain her up grandfather. The devil has her soul. There is a demon inside her. Chain her up!’ the boy shouted, drowning out even his mother’s shouted ramblings. ‘Chain her up.’ The boy finally subsided into his own tears, comforted by his younger sister. ‘Chain her up. The devil is inside her.’

‘Yes, the devil…’ his grandfather said moving towards his daughter. ‘A demon…’

‘The devil. A demon. The devil. A demon,’ the young woman started chanting it as if it were a mantra not stopping even as her father lifted her by the arms out of the corner and to the bed. But her eyes never left Tara’s. She twisted her head so far it seemed as if it could go no further on her neck. Just to meet and hold the apparition’s eyes. ‘The devil. A demon. The devil. A demon.’

She was chained to the bed and a blanket placed over her shivering body. But still she would not subside. Still she kept chanting and eventually the old man and the children withdrew from her presence, closing the door behind her and locking it somehow. Probably just a catch. It didn’t matter with the manacles. One day there would be a proper lock so that they wouldn’t have to be tied down all the time.

Tara moved without wanting to, out of the corner. Still naked, still cold herself, the young woman looking up into her approaching eyes, finally ceasing to repeat the words. How long had it been that she had been here? Minutes? Hours? She didn’t know. It seemed so fast but so slow.

Tara reached down and stroked the long, wild, matted hair out of the restrained one’s face. Sat on the edge of the bed beside her chained form and continued to tease and work that filthy hair, working as best she could without water or brush to untangle the knots and remove the worst of the dirt. All the while the woman mumbled something, too low for Tara to hear. Giggling occasionally as a finger tickled her scalp or her ear, whimpering when a knot was pulled painfully.

And when, after a long time, the hair was as good as Tara could hope to make it the wild eyes cleared. She was back for a while… had she really ever gone away? ‘I’m all alone,’ the young woman said to Tara.

‘I know,’ Tara told her knowing absolutely that there was not a hint of magic in this woman. She wasn't sure how she knew it, but it was not there. It should be though, if she was where she thought she was. When she was.

‘What will happen?’

‘Your family will care for you.’ They always did and they would care for the children too. The little girl who did shine with the power. The future of the Maclay women perhaps? But why did this woman not have it?

‘How long?’

‘Always.’ That was the way it was. They would always care for her. ‘What’s your name?’ Tara asked her.

‘Alice.’

‘Your family loves you Alice. Remember that. They will always love you.’ So she had been told so had it been. So would it be.

‘Am I a demon?’ Alice Maclay asked her.

Tara couldn’t say yes. But she nodded and it felt like a betrayal. But it was the truth. That was all Alice had left. The truth and the love of her family.

And then she was outside in the yard once more. The tree bigger now but not as large as she remembered it. She started forward…
----------------------
The Last

Tara knew that she was still dreaming. She was home once more. Not for the first time, the second or even the fifth. For some reason she knew it was not the last time she would be here either.

The afternoon sun blazed down upon the ground between the house and the barn, chickens clucking and pecking around her ankles, seemingly not aware of her presence. The tree was green and full of supple leaves that blew in the gentle breeze. It was towering over the house it stood next to once more. These last few visits she had watched it grow.

It looked like home as she knew it. Almost. There were little difference but the tree was back in it’s rightful, proud, stature. So mighty and proud, comforting signs that nature endured despite the fragile nature of people.

It was home as she remembered it… dimly. She had been here before.

She made her way across the yard once more, this time her feet were shod in sandals, corn cracking under them as she walked. She heard it but could not feel it through the shoes.

There was no shouting this time. There had always been shouting the other times that she had been here. The house was a cheery shade of red now, just like she remembered it from her own youth. Freshly painted if she was any judge, not all faded as it was now.

When was now though?

She went in through the old kitchen, now long since a sitting room, the kitchen today in the extension to the rear of the house, and because there was no shouting she did not want to run.

No running in the house. Yes sir.

The floor was slippy beneath her sandals. She had the strangest urge to start running anyway, despite the rules, and then to slide along it. She was allowed to sometimes when her mother was polishing it. Sometimes they would break the rules together.

When she had polished it.

She continued through the house, knowing just where to go. Because she had been here. Not just before. But at the actual time. The room was padded now. Soundproofed, quite safe. A young woman stood in the room looking around it carefully as if measuring it up. The bed sat in the middle of the room, a TV behind a thick glass screen the only interruption in the padding high above any level a person could reach. The bed had padded restraints hanging down from the sides.

They were waiting to be fastened. Waiting for someone to enclose and keep safe.

Behind her stood two young children a boy and a girl, looking in cheerily on their mother, their father and grandfather.

Suddenly she was in the same dress as the little girl.

But no one could see her. No one should see her.

The house was lovely and warm.

‘You have to accept it, Ray. She accepts it. Your children accept it. You must too,’ the older man told the younger. ‘It is time. Past time.’

‘She’s my wife,’ the younger man told him, venom in his voice. ‘I can’t…’

‘And that is why I am doing it for you. She’s my daughter, just as Tara is yours. And one day you will have to do what I do now. Not because you want to but because you must,’ he replied. ‘Because it is the only way. And because you love her.’

‘You know,’ the woman said, ‘that it is the only way. Besides it is only for a few days, until it emerges… then I can come out and take care of you all until the next time.’ The woman, no older than Tara, went over the room and kissed her husband. ‘And you know that I love you.’

‘Yes and it is because I love you -’ he started.

‘- That you must do this. I know it is hard. But I grew up knowing this. You’ll come to realise it was the right thing,’ she told him then turned to look around the room once more. As she looked into the corner which Tara was always stood in her mouth twitched a little, the beginnings of a smile perhaps? And when she looked on her children the smile was truly there. She knelt, opened her arms to them and they rushed into the room.

‘You know that I have to stay in here for a few days?’ she asked holding them but looking up over their heads at Tara in her corner.

‘Yes Mommy,’ they chorused.

‘Yes Mommy,’ Tara added in sympathy.

The woman smiled. ‘Well I’ll be out real soon then I’ll make you pancakes… ok?’

‘Okay,’ they all said before the children were dismissed.

‘Let me go?’ she asked her husband.

‘I have to don’t I?’ Ray Maclay asked, resigned to it.

‘Yes you do,’ she replied sadly.

‘I love you. You’re my everything,’ he told her kissing her deeply.

‘I know.’

‘I know,’ Tara whispered.

‘Daddy?’ the woman asked lying on the bed waiting.

The older man closed his eyes briefly as if in prayer and then went to the bed and fastened her down, accepting the help in finding the straps that she offered him. ‘I’m sorry Daddy,’ she told him.

‘It can’t be helped,’ he told her, kissing her forehead like a blessing. ‘Be strong, for your family.’ He covered her with a thin cotton sheet it was too hot for the duvet that Tara always remembered being there. Later…

When this woman became sick and the shivering started.

‘I will. I love you all’ the restrained woman told them, but she was looking into the corner once more as her husband and father withdrew.

How long had Tara stood there when the woman eventually called to her? How long had she been looking at her there in the bed, watching each other? Minutes? Hours? Once more she didn’t know. Again it seemed so fast but so slow.

Tara reached for a bag that lay beside the bed, knowing what was in there because once upon a time she had helped to pack it each month. She took the hairbrush from the bag. She still had that same brush. She sat on the side of the bed and started to brush her mother’s hair as best she could, coaxing the woman to move and allow her to do some more. She didn’t want to stop. She remembered doing this. She had actually done this – later in her life, earlier. It was so confusing.

‘You have someone,’ her mother told her rather than asked.

‘Yes I do, I really do.’ Tara confirmed.

‘I’m glad. You deserve someone and she is nice, I approve.’ It was the sweetest, gentlest smile that Tara could ever remember.

‘How? Y-you… don’t know her,’ Tara said, not understanding at all.

‘I know you sweetie.’

‘I wish you could meet her.’ If she could have it all back. If she could have her back for just ten minutes she would want that – to show her that she was happy and who with.

‘Maybe I will one day. Besides this is a dream. You know it is a dream don’t you sweetie?’ she sounded a little sad as if her existence was a made a touch less than real by admitting it.

‘I think so. What will happen?’ Tara asked.

‘What do you want to happen?’ her mother countered.

‘What does that matter? I have no choice,’ Tara was resigned to that. Had been perhaps since this very day when her mother had more than accepted it… she had persuaded Daddy to go along with it.

‘Then why did you ask?’ her mother wondered for her.

‘I just wanted you tell me, what I told them. All of them. That my family will care for me. Always. That they love me. That they always will.’ Did she want to be told that? Really?

Her mother smiled up at her. ‘I could tell you. But you know that. You have always been the one to tell us all that and you were right. You’re already very smart,’ she said no doubt thinking of her Tara. ‘You appeared to the rest…on this day. Didn’t you?’

‘Yes. All of them. Right back to Alice,’ Tara admitted sadly.

‘You did the right thing, comforting them. Helping them,’ the dream mother told her.

‘Am I a demon?’ Tara asked.

‘You know the answer to that to. I can only tell you what you already know. That’s the way it works.’

‘Then I am. I’ve always known it. But I don’t have to be bad? Evil? Hurt people?’ Tara pleaded like the little girl she had once been.

‘You mean hurt her?’

‘Yes.’ It was all about Willow. Let the rest of the world rot. It was all about Willow.

‘Do you think you ever could?’ she asked a daughter who was now only a few weeks younger than she was.

‘Never.’

‘Then you have your answer honey.’

‘So wh-why should I…?’ Tara gestured around the room, to the restraints.

‘Why indeed?’

And then she was outside in the yard once more. She started forward… truly for the last time.

----------------------
The Next

And it was different again. Again she was home, but this time… this time it was different. This time she was not alone. She was being led gently by the arm even though she knew the way. Across the yard from where they had parked up.

It was a grey, overcast day and that seemed fitting for some reason. The tree was down, older than the house itself it had fallen, seemingly in a storm and was left uprooted to wither and rot.

The house, the paintwork a little more faded than when she had been here last. Daddy would have to get Donny out there before winter set in properly to touch it up. But it wasn't winter just yet it was barely past summer. Wasn't it? When was this? When was she?

Am I myself?

They went in through the old kitchen and Donny set her bags down, headed out for the boxes. Still silent since daddy had slapped him down for taunting her. “Tara,” Daddy had said, “is doing the right thing Donny, you should respect her for that. Like I do.” She had felt proud then, despite the crippling pain. Reassured that she had done the right thing… even though it hurt so much.

But why was it hurting her?

Why else? How could she not have known the answer? There was only one thing that could hurt this much. Only one thing that she gave a fig about, that she had left behind.

They didn’t speak as he let her go. She knew the way. She had always known the way.

They had actually prettied the room up, as best they could. The bedding was colourful, paper pictures hung on the padding. Even the restraints had been re-padded since the last time they had been used. It had been a while after all. But not long enough to forget finding her here, fastened up and barely able to breathe with the pain the sickness had brought to Tara’s mother.

Another thing I can never forget.

‘Do you want to get changed first Tara?’ her father asked her. ‘Freshen up?’

‘No sir.’

‘Well you just ring the bell if you do want anything. It’s there by the wrist strap. It rings in the kitchen, we’ll hear you.’

‘Thank you Daddy,’ Tara said. That was more than even her mother had ever had. They were really trying to make this better for her. Had been even before they saw what she was leaving behind. Or at least he was trying. She was trying and only Donny seemed to be revelling in her misery.

She had no understanding left for her brother.

Her father looked at her, sorry that he had to do what was needed. ‘Lie down Tara.’ But still willing to do it. She wanted to curse him. But she knew it was hurting him as much as it was hurting her. If only she hadn’t had to leave someone behind. Perhaps she should never have got involved. She had always known this was her fate. It was her own fault.

She obeyed him, of course and in the corner… that corner. Her corner. There was someone. But it was not her… not this time. Willow. She’s with me. She’s come to me. She's forgiven me. Tears came to her eyes.

Her father saw them. ‘I am sorry Tara. I can’t approve of the witchcraft, but I am sorry we had to take you away from your friends – especially….’

‘Willow’ Tara finished and the apparition turned to look at her.

‘Yes Willow. She seemed nice.’ He strapped down her ankles and then pulled sheet a little way over her before he secured her wrists. ‘Can you reach the bell?’

She tried. ‘Yes sir.’

‘Well you just ring it if you need anything. Anything at all Tara.’

‘Thank you… Daddy.’ She really was grateful, but now she just wanted him to go. Willow was here for her. She had to be with Willow. Maybe it was a dream. But whose dream was it? Was this her dream? Or was it Willow’s? Where was reality?

Was there a reality other than this?

‘Goodnight Tara.’

‘Goodnight Daddy.’

The door finally closed on her future.

How long did Willow stand there looking at her on the bed? Minutes? Hours? It seemed so fast but so slow.

Willow came over to her and sat, of course, on the edge of the bed. She hadn’t spoken. Neither of them had. From somewhere Willow produced a hairbrush. The hairbrush she had left behind and started to brush Tara’s hair as best she could. Tara didn’t want her to stop. Ever.

‘You left me,’ Willow eventually said to her.

‘I had to honey.’

‘You left me. You were everything that I had and you left me,’ Willow told her, the words at odds with the tone and the smile and the continued brushing. ‘I was supposed to be everything that you had too.’

‘You are.’

‘I was. You were. You left.’ Willow was still smiling; the tone was designed to comfort. The words cut into Tara like a knife. It was as if Willow was playing out a part, but just changing the words. It was her part. Was it? Had she done this over and over? Really done it?

‘Am I evil?’ Tara asked Willow.

‘Don’t you know?’ Willow responded sweetly scathing.

‘No… I don’t.’

‘Then why did you leave me? Everything. Always. Forever. That was what we said about our love. Whilst we were making love and you don’t know?’ the cutting words, delivered sugar sweet hurt more than if Willow had screamed them at her. ‘Was your mother evil?’

Tara thought about that. Remembered the rules… Only what I know… if it is my dream. If I am in Willow’s then it is what she knows… and I have no say. But if I am real then this is my dream and what do I know? ‘No. She was…’

‘She was a good woman, who when not locked up by her family taught you everything. How to do magic, how to do the chores, how to ride and how to love me.’ Willow stroked Tara’s ear as she spoke. ‘She never hurt you did she?’

‘No.’

‘Or anyone else.’

‘No.’

‘Are you evil Tara?’ Willow asked her again.

‘I d-don’t think so,’ Tara replied.

‘Know honey. Know it.’ Willow stood up and walked to look at a picture in that corner.

‘Don’t leave me!’ Tara cried.

‘I can’t leave you Tara. You already left me behind. I’m just a dream,’ Willow told her sadly.

‘Stay though… please Willow. Even if you are a dream,’ it was a plea now. ‘I’m sorry I left you.’

‘I know you are baby. But I can’t do that either… when you wake up I’ll be gone.’ Willow went over and kissed her love on the forehead, then again on the lips. ‘I won’t be back here. When you wake up… I can’t come here again honey. Even when it is real.’

‘But where will I wake up?’ Tara asked.

‘Where you think you belong Tara. Always there. Do you belong here?’ the fading apparition asked her.

‘I don’t know!’ Tara shouted after her, the room also fading.

The voice of Willow lingered after the physical presence was gone… ‘Yes you do. Are you evil my love? Can you be?’

‘No!’ Tara screamed after the departed apparition, desperate to give her answer, the answer that she knew, finally, was true. Perhaps she had heard… wherever she was. Somewhere.
----------------------
Chance

Somewhere a young woman screamed a desperate word from the depths of her dream. Beside her the love of her life was awake and concerned. Unable to wake her darling love from the clutches of whatever nightmare she was living inside her mind she just stopped some of the wilder thrashing that was occurring, holding onto the blonde as best she could.

With that word though the woman awoke, bolt upright before she had even shrugged off sleep. Sweat covered her body yet she was shivering.

It was true. You woke up where you belonged. She knew that. She belonged here. Not because it was a place but because it was all that she had. It was all that she wanted. It was all that she could never leave behind.

She belonged to the woman who was gently asking her what was wrong and accepted the fact that she could not remember. Even though she could just then but as she thought that she remembered every minute it was actually fading... fading so fast. As the other stroked her back the dream was gone but she knew…

They belonged to each other. She knew that.

She belonged here. She knew that.

She wasn’t evil. Wouldn’t be. She knew that too.

She had more than enough reasons to stay and now, believing she should, she had a chance to do that.

All she had to do was make it work.

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 28, 2001).]

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 28, 2001 13:56               
Wow!

Nothing else, just wow!


Somnia sunt surculos veritatis.
(Dreams are the seedlings of reality.)

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tommo
Lesbian Gay Type Lover


Posts: 4748
Registered: Sep 2000
posted October 28, 2001 14:42               
Hmm.

------------------
"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

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emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 28, 2001 15:33               
***
I don't know what to say...
Well,actually,I do...so here we go...
First I was disturbed...
Then I cried...well I started leaking anyway...
Then I was disturbed again...in a very thoughtful way...
***
Katharyn,
I think you managed to carry off this part very well...and long may you continue...

------------------
vive,valeque.

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 31, 2001).]

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Zahir
Gay Now!


Posts: 1238
Registered: Nov 2000
posted October 28, 2001 20:40               
You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc. And one of the hallmarks of great fiction is that it captures this great but disturbing truth...

Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.

Keep up the good work!

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

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delany
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 28, 2001 21:20               
okaaaaay...
that was slightly unnerving. it was a little disturbing, all that past family imagery and stuff. the darling lass.. just wanna grab her and give her great big hugs.. i've always been a fan of the way authors depict dream scenes becaouse it's almost like a step away from a reality thats a step away from reality..ermm..if you know what i mean..you know..like when you dream that your dreaming..kinda thing (i study psychology, just been reading freud )..anyways, it was very cool.
I amost cried when willow scene came up, poor tara..she's really got some rough times ahead of her. can't help but want her to just totally open up and tell willow everthing she's feeling.. just like in family.. oo!! interesting tangent..

del

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Lonewolf
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 115
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 29, 2001 02:30               
Katharyn: Great update, I really like the way Tara realizes she belongs with Willow and not back home and that she is not evil and never was.

Lonewolf

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kpmuse
Willowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 29, 2001 15:21               
Thanks Katharyn! Nice chap! Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island, but please do come back now cause we miss you in spoiler free. Bye

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

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WiggleStick
Floating Rose


Posts: 49
Registered: Mar 2001
posted October 29, 2001 17:54            
I really like this fic, I particularly like the fact that you are willing to use so many narrative styles. And you do them all so well. Outstanding every time.

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 30, 2001 02:46               
quote:
Originally posted by kpmuse:
Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island,


Regretably not why I am on the island KP, but thanks!
Thanks one and all, that one seems to have found a largely favourable response, but was one that could have gone the other way just as easily.

quote:
Originally posted by Zahir:
You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc.
Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.


You seem to be doing alot of methinking round here Zahir! Methinks you are right, though I rarely think about things like that with the precision that you manage to explain it with. I just work on gut reaction and see how far that will take me. From absolute day one of this fic when I decided to make the concern over the demon one of Tara's main motivations I never wanted this to be "Evil" Maclay Family v's "Good" Tara. It just didn't strike me that was the way it worked. There had to be some reason behind the whole thing - even though it had been corrupted down the line at one point there had to be a real reason for the belief.. Equally there had to be some acceptance from the "victims" to explain how Tara ended up as she was. And with acceptance there is a price to be paid. Usually down the linee but in Tara's dream back at the very beginning.
My only nod of the hat to good/evil is Donny. Who I just don't like, I admit it. But I put that down to sibling rivalry gone mad more than anything else.

The next part is causing me big problems (along the lines that I am not comfortable with it - which is generally a bad thing), so there may be a slight delay though I am still trying for Thursday. More as it happens.

Updated to note that I may have reached a compromise with myself. We'll see how that turns out.

Katharyn

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 30, 2001).]

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 13:54               
Okay I am nervous about this one… but here goes…

I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.

A large portion of this story is based around sexual activity, which I am always slightly dubious of posting. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but this is the story behind the lovely and dirty look (in my humble opinion) that Tara gives Willow during “Out of My Mind” – Willowhand specifically – though without getting too graphically into the detail - at the end it is left to your imagination. I hope that a reader will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and something more than purely sexy. That said it is more than a touch explicit. If you do not wish to read about, mainly implied, consensual sex between two women who are deeply, madly in love stop now. Once again there will be a “fade out” version available via e-mail for anyone who wants the limited plot stuff without (too much) of the sexy stuff. Last time no one asked but (much later on) there was a derogatory and nasty flame. If you know that you aren’t going to like this based on the subject alone then please exercise the ultimate censorship and do not read it. If you didn’t like Burning Bright (Part 21) then again do not read this, just come back for Part 40 – you are not missing too much plot here.

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE

Should any of the mod’s object to the content I will of course edit as required to fit within the board though I believe this to be less explicit than other recent fics that seem to have passed okay.

Also if you are likely to fall off your chair do not read it in work. It’s embarrassing to do that.

And with the warnings to “Willowhand.”

Katharyn
-----------------

Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Hands on Loving (Part 39)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Keep it constructive. If you do feel the need to strongly object please send it to my e-mail.
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and not quiet including “Out of My Mind.”
Summary: Tara, decides to have an anniversary – on no particular date. Set the night before the Willowhand scene in Out of My Mind, a possible suggestion of what that means to them – or at least where it came from.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the Production Company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: NC-17 – Sorry there is no way around it this time. See the above warning.
Couples: W/T – who else?
Notes: By the way, I have no idea if there is anything in the world called “Chapswort”…but it sure as heck doesn’t have the effect as described in this story so don’t even bother looking for it. Also as described “Chapswort” is very definitely a spell ingredient not any form of drug, the use of which is not condoned in any way by this story or it’s writer.
Thanks To: My chief research assistant. And dear Kerry who’s reassurances arrived just in time for me to give this one the go-ahead.


The Beginnings Cycle

Hands on Loving

By

Katharyn Rosser

This was the way that it should always be. A perfect day… together. A long morning in bed snuggled together under a warm duvet. A walk on the sand, a picnic, a little spell on a secluded part of the beach. Fun with Frisbees in a sort of “can’t catch it but it’s fun to throw way.” Until a dog ran off with it, but even that had been kind of funny. Of course sand got everywhere but you couldn’t let that spoil things. This was the way it should always be. Despite the irritation factor.

It couldn’t be of course. ‘You couldn’t have a perfect day every day, otherwise it wouldn’t seem special when you did have one, it would just be a normal. And though a normal day like that would be good, what would you have to do to make it feel special again, you know?’ So Willow had argued and Tara had agreed with her. The same logic seemed to suggest that a bad day might make the good one’s even better but that wasn’t a theory that they cared to test. They’d had their bad day, Willow had thought looking back, and actually it had brought them to far better ones. Just keep those coming.

Tara had agreed with her lover on that too, she thought now that there could be more of them, many more. Finally what had been her fate, her destiny, seemed like no more than a suggestion. It wasn't true any longer that she had to go. If she could just hide what she was then she could stay. Her actions would not betray her. She knew that it wasn’t evil – the magic. The demon wasn't evil either or if it was, well she could control that. Her mother always had – Tara had never seen a hint of it, only the magic – and her love. How blind had she been to miss that all these years?

She, her mother, had been able to love. Nothing had stopped that. Not magic, not demons, not evil. Nothing. Tara had known she was loved, had never seen the evil. So why had she always accepted what she was told? That it was there? That it would take her? And if that was true and she could ask those questions about her mother then Tara knew she could do the same. Be the same. She could stay with her Willow. All she had to do was hide what she was. Somehow. They, the scoobies, might not like having a demon in their midst, but Willow… She had never lied to Willow about that. She had never said, “I am human.” But then you didn’t need to did you? It was sort of a given – even at a Hellmouth – that you were wholly human when you appeared to be. Well no maybe not actually. But the point still stood.

This was not the time for that though. Not tonight of all nights. Tara had decided in the aftermath of that dream, the one that Willow told her had caused her to wake screaming, that it was time to have an anniversary. What was in the dream she had no clue of anymore. But whatever it was it had cleared her mind. Clarity was a beautiful thing – especially when you didn’t even realise that you were confused. Almost as beautiful as her love and almost as important. They had missed celebrating six months, probably through scoobyage and despite her recent decision there was still the remote chance that they would never make twelve either. She slapped the gag on that part of her brain once more This day would not be spoiled. Not when she had her clarity and her Willow.

‘Can I use the shower or the bath? I’m all sandy.’ Tara asked, emptying her shoes on the doorstep. Never having been in Willow’s childhood home before she was a little nervous. Mr and Mrs Rosenberg were absent, visiting yet more members of the widespread Rosenberg clan. Willow had suggested their house as a venue for tonight’s celebration – it had the virtue of a kitchen that you could create in – rather than simply feed yourself with waffles and pancakes. Occasionally in the dorm you could boil an egg too, but they had bigger, more complex, culinary plans tonight.

‘Of course you can.’ Willow replied wanting Tara to feel at home, but doubting that she would anymore than she would with the Maclay family. Whom she had still never met… she had to admit she was curious about the people who had shaped this wonderful woman. Wonderfully shaped woman. She smiled at her own mental joke.

‘What?’ Tara asked her.

‘Nothing… just a little mental babble sweetums.’

Tara smiled. ‘Don’t call me sweetums.’

‘Okay babycakes…’

Tara looked at her and Willow cracked up.

‘And I think you could use one too’ Tara suggested to her.

Willow took that as an invitation. Maybe even a command. Which was a good thing. Still it was also true that, after being half buried in sand – which seemed a lot more fun in theory than it was in practice, that she needed to get washed down. It had probably been more fun for Tara who had delighted in tickling her exposed feet and nose with a feather that she had found.

‘A bath I mean, a long hot soak with a few herbs. It’ll help shift some of that sand.’ Tara suggested realising that she may have gone a little too far with the burial thing. Every step Willow had taken after getting up had seen another flurry of sand, and every few steps another gripe. Besides Willow hated to have the underside of her feet tickled.

‘And if I don’t?’ Willow asked having no intention of refusing anyway.

‘Then you’ll just have to suffer the chafing, scratching and itching.’ Tara smiled with mock sympathy and a definite dirty mind. ‘Have we got everything we need for tonight?’

‘We checked that twice already. Everything is present and correct sah!’ Willow reassured her, saw her face and added ‘I mean we have got everything. I was just doing a sort of Riley impression.’

‘It was very good,’ Tara told her.

‘No… it was just embarrassing.’ The ingredients for their anniversary meal were filling the fridge. More than they would ever eat. Xander and Buffy would be eating their leftovers for a few days. Dawn would probably help out too. Scraps always seemed more fun when they were someone else’s.

‘I just want this to be a perfect night. For us.’ Tara replied.

‘It will be love. Nothing is going to spoil it. Now go and run me a bath. I can’t move without dropping sand and I don’t want to get it in the food either. Third door on the left in the hall.’ Willow smiled contently to herself as Tara left to her bidding, then winced as her skin scraped against more sandy residue as she shifted.

Willow wasn’t certain what exactly they were celebrating but Tara had been all over her in the last two days – seemingly since that dream. She had said it was a celebration of their love. One they had missed at six months. She was no more sure than Tara where that one had gone. It seemed an age since they had met and since they had made the connection that first night in the laundry room and, Willow had to admit, it had all started there. Had probably been inevitable from that point on. Her historiography lecturer would no doubt tell her that nothing was inevitable. But this seemed to have been. The early period filled with doubts, dancing around issues rather than each other but always heading towards one conclusion. Willow sighed, closed her eyes and sat back in the easily wiped down kitchen chair, feeling sand tinkle onto her toes as she relaxed and thinking of all that had gone before. All that might follow. Starting tonight – perhaps they were celebrating the end of their beginning. It was a shame that they were not living together… it seemed fitting and it had, once upon a time, seemed like an option but one that had faded away without discussion. Neither of them had pursued it. Why had that been?

Not that she could remember two consecutive nights where they had not shared a bed anyway. Whose bed didn’t matter, but they were together. That was what mattered and in a dorm, the other practicalities of living together didn’t matter so much. What else was there to share that they weren’t already… their lives, their fears, their secrets and their love. Not a lot more than those.

Tara found her there, minutes later, slumped and spread-eagled in the pine chair a beatific smile fixed to her love’s lips. She simply stood watching her for a minute, more perhaps, thinking similar thoughts to those running through Willow’s mind. Then finally ‘Honey…your bath is getting cold.’

Willow, not unaffected by her thoughts opened her eyes, and found Tara already looking into them as was her habit. It had taken so long for Tara to do that, regularly. To find the confidence to just share even a gaze. Something else to celebrate. My love’s confidence, Willow thought. She wasn't conceited enough to think that she had done anything other than let the real Tara emerge but it was nice to realise how far she, they, had come from where they were. Tara wasn’t the only one to have changed. ‘Help me?’ It was expressed as a sultry invitation more than a question. And not at all a command.

‘Here?’ Tara asked, slightly shocked. The way Willow had always talked of her parents she had doubted that they would dare do more than kiss and hold each other here tonight – and wasn’t really sure if she was comfortable with any more than that herself. But to bathe Willow which, inevitably would lead to fun and hi-jinks. In an actual bath. Mmmmn. Practicality and doubts were taking a back seat already in her mind - to the possibilities.

‘They’re away until next week – and I spoke to them in St Louis this morning. They aren’t suddenly going to suddenly like turn up and demand to know what you are doing in their house. With their daughter. I promise.’ Willow was sure. Had made very, very sure and probably aroused Sheila’s suspicions with her probing questions. ‘Help me.’ It was not a question or an invitation this time. It was a requirement. Perhaps that was what Tara needed to overcome her reticence.

Tara held out her hand, took Willow’s in her own, felt sympathy with her love as Willow carefully manoeuvred herself out of the chair and got slowly to her feet with another cascade of sand. Where was it all coming from? Was it magic? Message to self – no more mock burials.

They made their way slowly to the bathroom, Willow leading Tara by the hand, observing with approval the steaming freestanding bath of water, smelling the promised mixture of herbs, oils and other ingredients and identifying several of them by scent realised that they were not all strictly medicinal or freshening. ‘Chapswort?’ She asked in a mock incredulous tone. She knew of course that Tara had some – after all she had given it to her – but that had been months ago. She had thought that it was either used, which had seemed a little selfish, or hidden away for a special occasion.

Which this seemed to be at Tara’s whim. What a whim it was.

‘I-I well, I wanted you…refreshed.’ Tara admitted to her, that cute shy smile on her lips, feeling guilty. For all her protests in the kitchen, by adding that ingredient to the mix she had pretty much signalled her intent anyway.

Refreshed is not exactly what was advertised on the label young lady.’ Willow smiled at Tara’s guilty blushes. ‘Are you sure that it is suitable for bathing? I wouldn’t want to get dry skin.’ She smiled. She hoped the implication was clear… have you tried it love? She liked to think that Tara hadn’t used it all for her. There was a little nod in return. ‘Undress me?’

Standing behind her Tara coaxed Willow’s arms upwards and drew the t-shirt up over her head and when those arms wearily fell to Willow’s sides Tara could not resist running her hands up their curves, barely touching the rounding the shoulders and back down the nearly nude back from neck to base of the spine. Willow shivered.

‘Cold?’ Tara checked, looking at the steaming water.

‘No’ replied Willow, ‘but you would warm me up if I was wouldn’t you? That’s what you do, make me feel better.’

‘Always love,’ Tara assured her and rounded Willow, allowing the shorts to fall to the floor in a sandy heap. She hoped that the Rosenberg’s had a dust buster to deal with this beach that they had brought back with them… or there was going to be a lot of time on her hands and knees cleaning up. Course being on your knees wasn't so bad.

Tara took the opportunity to kneel and remove Willow’s underwear. Then stood, kissed her love on the cheek and reached around behind her as their chests met to undo the last article of concealing clothing on the red haired woman.

Standing back from Willow then Tara could see that the other was sprinkled with sand, a fragment of seaweed in her hair. Funny how she had not noticed that before. She plucked it out. ‘You’re a mess honey’ Tara admonished referring to the patches of sand that clung to a sweaty body and showing her the seaweed.

‘And I thought I was a siren… luring you to me.’

‘Oh you do, but you’re a mess too. A messy siren.’

‘Clean me up?’ Willow asked Tara for the favour, knowing that asking was totally unnecessary.

Tara didn’t even bother to respond and just helped Willow into the bath she had probably been washed in as a baby. Goddess, that was kind of weird to think about. Sometimes she wished that she had known Willow that long. Like Xander. But then, like Xander, they might just have been best friends. Instead of what they were.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Willow asked, seeing Tara go absent without leave for a minute.

‘What we are.’

‘Naked, madly in love lesbians covered in sand?’ Willow suggested.

‘I’m not naked.’

‘Give me time.’ The grin on Willow’s face was full of promise. And for that she gave Willow her time, allowing her to settle back into the water, so deep that only the swell of her chest broke the surface apart from her neck and face. Now this was a bath. Not for the Rosenberg’s the cramped shallow plastic mouldings that existed in most modern houses where the water barely came halfway up you without washing out of the overflow.

You could have fun in a bath like this.

They intended to so that was all right.

Willow though was lost in that ecstatic moment she felt whenever she slipped into a hot bath – the moment though stretched and lingered, became more intense. She smiled eyes closed. Chapswort going to work immediately. Deep within her a familiar spring started to bubble. Opening her eyes she was surprised to see, and feel, the tips of her breasts become taut and distended, breaking the surface as she watched without making another movement in the now stilled water.

Tara too was surprised. It was one thing to lose yourself in the effect of Chapswort, it was another to watch the face of another person feeling that. Very… nice. An unadvertised benefit.

Willow, feeling the full effect of submerging herself in the water, tried to sound sexy and husky as she breathed ‘Wash me woman.’ Though she felt sexy her voice betrayed her and she knew it sounded vaguely ridiculous – like Darth Vader on helium more than likely. She wasn’t good at husky, but she guessed that Tara would get the idea.

Tara gave a gentle laugh, knelt beside the bath and picked up the facecloth and soaked it, then gently reached forward to wipe Willow’s face and brow. ‘Soak your hair love’ she said and watched as Willow slipped down, taking her head and face into the water. Tara though could feel a tingle start in her hands and connect through her body with her chest, downwards, pooling between her thighs. Just the start of desire – and just from dipping her hands in that specially treated water. It was, however, more than the start of desire that she felt as Willow, sinking down was forced, by the length of the bath, to thrust her pelvis upwards, just breaking the surface with her pubis darkened to almost a rich brown by the water. Later for that thought Tara as Willow re-emerged. She reached out once more and slicked back Willow’s hair from her face.

As Tara stroked her hair back, Willow followed that hand with her head, trying to bring it back into contact with her cheek as it started to withdraw, like a cat rubbing up against a favoured person, Miss Kitty though had never seemed as desperate as Willow did now. Tara responded and left her hand on that cheek for a moment or so, gently and tenderly moving her fingers across the damp soft flesh, responding to Willow’s need to be stroked there.

‘Come on love. Time for you to get cleaned up.’ Willow almost whimpered as Tara removed her hand, picking up the shampoo bottle and building up a lather in her hands proceeded to rub it into Willow’s fiery mane, probing insistently at her scalp with her finger tips in a powerful massage against semi-magically sensitised flesh, making sweeping moves to sculpt the hair into shampoo held curves around Willow’s head then when fully lathered in pushing gently but insistently on Willow’s head, guiding her head back into the water to wash away the shampoo which dispersed in a film across the water, clinging to anything it met, the edge of the bath, Willow’s flesh, Tara’s own hands.

As Willow rose from the water once more, Tara again slicked back her hair and then took the soap to start work on Willow’s body. Wherever Tara’s hands went they were eagerly anticipated and received by Willow, a hand raising to meet her touch as the Tara gave a soapy massage to Willow’s fingers and palms. Working her way from wrist down fingers, giving each joint and tiny muscle it’s due. Up the arms, left then right, teasing and easing the ache caused by excess of Frisbee fun. As Willow had said, it was amazing that you could fight for your life and never use muscles stressed by throwing a plastic disk. When each arm was raised Tara’s cleansing hands journeyed to the tops of each, cleaning the shoulder and underneath into the arm pit and both wanted further exploration of the swell of Willow’s breasts that was so tantalisingly close when she was there, yet Tara resisted and proceeded to the neck and shoulder blades.

‘Lean forward sweetie’ Tara instructed moving to do Willow’s back, exposed as she obeyed.

Willow sat up and pressing her rapidly swelling breasts against the backs of her legs, she clutched her thighs to hold herself forward and to stop herself from grabbing Tara and pulling her in here too, clothes and all.

Unaware of that threat, Tara gently soaped the proffered area carried on down under the water level to the point where back ended and the spread of Willow’s buttocks began and just for a second left a finger there in the upper reaches before withdrawing and tracing a line up the spine to the base of the neck, causing Willow to shiver in spite of the steam filled air, the descending again to lift the warm water up, letting it flow down the curved expanse to wash the soap away. Though finished with washing there Tara maintained her position behind Willow to rub at her shoulders, Tara could feel the little tension that there was escape up into her hands and from there it descended through Tara’s own body to pool in her chest and between her own thighs. Tension, like energy it seemed, was neither created nor destroyed it was just transferred from one form to another.

I bet Einstein didn’t have that in mind with E=MC Squared. Maybe she should check with Willow, but she was almost certain that was not the basis of the theory.

Possibly a little too much Chapswort she was forced to conclude as without conscious thought her hands rounded Willow’s shoulders to the upper slopes of her breasts still rubbing with some force. It wasn't as if they had ever needed any help before was it?

Willow sighed and leaned back a little into the caress, tipped her head back as Tara took each globe in her hands, manipulating, squeezing. Willow was looking almost straight up now, as Tara leaned over her, into the other’s face. The blonde woman was also flushed. Willow was again tempted then to pull her over into the bath with her, clothed or not, as they always seemed to do in movies…but this is real life she thought to herself. In real life people get hurt doing stuff like that and wet clothes. And water all over the floor. Along with the sand. It’ll be just like the beach. Better not. Instead she concentrated on fighting to control her breathing. With Tara’s hands loving her chest she felt the need to take deep ragged breaths, but the moment was so beautiful, so perfect that she did not want to disturb it just for the minor matter of breathing. Breathing could wait if Tara would just carry on. Instead she tipped her head back and offered her lips in invitation to be kissed from above. A silent suggestion Tara acceded to eagerly.

When Tara released Willow’s chest she heard the groan escape from deep within the other young woman. Felt it transmitted through the shoulders that her hands rested upon, through their connected lips and through Willow’s teeth and her tongue caressed them too. Despite what must have been a conscious knowledge that this was not over Willow’s body had betrayed her disappointment that the moment could not last just a little longer, but the stance was uncomfortable…and by anybody’s estimation Willow’s chest had been more than thoroughly cleansed. Well enough for now anyway. Instead Tara came to the other end of the tub…glad that Willow’s parents had such an old fashioned freestanding bath that allowed that sort of freedom of movement. Though what Ira and Sheila Rosenberg would think of these particular events with their daughter was a matter that worried Tara immensely – especially since Willow had started to mention introducing Tara to them when they returned from St Louis in a couple of weeks time.

Willow was oblivious to Tara’s sudden discomfort…. but the other woman soon forgot those irritating thoughts anyway. Willow felt a hand enter the water at the plughole end, near her feet and almost sank without trace as she reacted to another fiendish tickle there that greeted the arch of her foot. In not quite mock rage she admonished Tara ‘I told you before Maclay…don’t tickle the feet!’

Tara felt she might just have learnt that lesson this time, drenched as she was by the impulsive kick of Willows leg. ‘Lift your leg baby,’ she said quietly, smiling as Willow obeyed her instruction, a shining limb emerging like Excalibur from the lake, toe pointed at her as if accusing and daring Tara to proceed. Tara took that dare, working up another lather and tending to Willow’s limb. Foot, between the toes shifting every stubborn particle of sand, calf and knee. Then the outer thigh and finally the inner thigh.

Willow, her senses heightened by the effect of the Chapswort, sucked in her breath as Tara, leaning far over, finally touched the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh, soaping ever upwards, slowly and deliberately. Held it as Tara moved away again, back down to her knee, then rushing upwards and inwards. And away again. The breath only escaped on the fourth such incident as Tara, moving faster, overshot the mark she had set herself and a fingertip finally touched the more intimate flesh between Willow’s thighs.

And withdrew without fulfilling the promise seemingly offered.

The process was repeated with the other lower limb – and though it was without the same sense of anticipation as this time Willow knew what was coming she could not appreciate it any the less. She was flexing her body to try and bring the welcome fingers into sooner and greater contact with her intimate parts. Tara though played the tease and resisted the very real temptation to caress her love then though. It was a struggle not to succumb, to give Willow what she wanted. That was always hard to resist. Willow had been right before. Whatever her love needed she would try to provide. It was just that sometimes it was better to make her wait. Just a little.

Even in her brief disappointment Willow revelled in the conflict playing across Tara’s face. Seeing her love caught between fulfilling a building desire that was obviously equal to that she was inspiring and a duty to simply cleanse and allow them to move on to the meal - with a promise of later fulfilment and joy. Willow could not remain disappointed and guessed that she would not have cause to.

Tara allowed Willow’s leg to sink back into the slowly cooling waters and came again to kneel at the side of the bath. Placed her hands in the water in front of her and allowed Willow to lay back, running her hands along the flanks and front of the bathing beauty, caressing briefly her chest once more, and later again, and again…in between moving to the abdomen and lower to the belly. Washing once more between excursions those peeking tips. And then withdrew and went for a towel, offering it for Willow to step into.

‘You missed a bit.’ Willow admonished her love, knowing that Tara would know what she meant.

Without protest Tara returned to her place at Willow’s side and gave the indicated region a thorough clean. ‘I’m sure you could have done this yourself’ Tara smiled wickedly.

Willow was almost shocked by that joke, never having heard such blatantly sexual humour from Tara. ‘Not with…ahh…your delicacy love. And besides it is your fault that the sand got to those new and interesting places...’ She tried to relax under the ministrations and found that it was impossible as Tara took her duties seriously. ‘Though,’ Willow said, ‘I am not sure that it got quite… mmmn… that far.’

‘Best to be safe rather than sorry,’ Tara told her, not even bothering to threaten stopping just yet.

‘And I am not so sorry now that you buried me…’ Willow told her a minute or so later after a certain point had been passed. ‘Though I am still mad about the tickling.’

‘Get out, you’ll wrinkle like a prune.’ Tara finally withdrew her hands from Willow’s body and stood holding the towel again. Reluctantly Willow obeyed aware that they had greater plans than just this for the evening. Standing, water running in rivers across smooth skin Willow awaited the warm towel which Tara used upon her, drying her as one would a small child – at least until she came to certain focal areas to which she again paid close attention, the rough towelling a delicious counterpoint to the previous silken touch.

With the bath vacated Tara began to strip off her own clothing, damp from the steam and the spray of water that Willow had sent in her direction. Willow immediately ran her another tub of water, prepared to offer her love the same services that she had received but Tara dismissed her.

‘But…bath time Tara… waterborne slippery fun. Your turn… My turn!’ Willow protested desperate to experience it from the other side of the tub.

‘Just a quick dip sweetie, not playtime. We have a meal to cook, remember? I think you should go start it umm?’ Tara suggested. ‘Otherwise it’ll be late when we get to eat.’ Her stomach growled as she climbed into the tub, feeling the sandy residue from the previous occupant sharp beneath her flesh as she sat down in the hot water.

‘Okay, that’s alright. I’ll go and cook you your dinner. Don’t you worry about it.’ Willow joked, hearing the hint and acquiescing as she departed the room with Tara laying back in the bath. She was reluctant to leave now, but Tara was right. They could fool around anytime, well anytime they could find a bath. This was a special night.

She added that feature to the dream home that she intended to share with the soaking woman one day, a big bathroom with a big, deep tub and plenty of access. Mmmmn. A definite requirement. So she had the bedroom and the bathroom planned. They might have fun planning the rest of the home too. They had plenty of time after all.

----------

Despite promising a quick dip it was nearly half an hour later that Tara emerged from the bathroom to find Willow hard at work in her parent’s kitchen. The table in the dining room was laid, the salad ready, the ingredients for the main course chopped and ready. And Willow running around in just a t-shirt. Tara came over to her and stopped her moving round the kitchen…kissed her firmly on the lips. ‘You’re a wonder.’ She said referring to how much the other had accomplished in that short time as well as her general wonderfulness, which was always worth commenting on.

‘Care to join the nearly-naked chef?’ The cook offered jokingly. She had not wanted to ruin her dress by accidental spillage and had no other clothes here other than those sandy things that Tara was stuffing in the washer.

‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Tara shrugged off the robe she had found on the back of the bathroom door – equally not wanting to stain Mrs Rosenberg’s robe with beetroot or anything else. That might take a little more explaining than they would face when Ira and Sheila were finally told about them. Not only are we an item, Tara could not see herself saying, but I spilled beetroot on your robe whilst preparing a meal for your daughter after ravishing her in your bathroom.

Probably not the best icebreaker there had ever been in the history of human conversation.

And so they were there, preparing food in Willows parent’s kitchen Willow naked but for her long t-shirt, Tara in her underwear. Creating something special together.

--------

When the food was prepared though it was time to dress more appropriately for the occasion, each had been shopping for an outfit, wanting to mark this not very exceptional occasion in their relationship and each was not really all that sure of the dress that they had bought.

Willow emerged first having eschewed her earlier preference for longer dresses she had picked up what could only be described as a little black dress and had she not been here in this house would never dared to wear it… and certainly for no one other than the woman that she loved. With quite a high hemline and a fairly low cut front it was more daring than she would ever usually consider, particularly as the back…well actually the back didn’t exist, simply crisscrossed with supporting spaghetti straps.

Tara on the other hand had gone for what could only be described as a gown, long, as colourful as she usually preferred to be and form fitting it merited her best efforts with both hair and makeup too. But the occasion demanded it – even if there wasn't one. She was in the mood for special.

Laying eyes on each other, seeing the other fidget in the unfamiliar clothing each was blown away by the utter beauty of the other.

‘Oh…’

They simultaneously stared, gaping in admiration at the other and forgetting just what they had been worried about in their own choices.

‘Tara…you look…amazing. A classical beauty,’ Willow finally breathed. ‘I knew you were beautiful…. but I never knew you were so…well beautiful.’ Tara thought about that and decided it was definitely a thumbs up.

Willow started worrying though about just what she had implied…that the other woman was not beautiful in a classic sense everyday. ‘I mean, well you know, that you are…wow.’ She gave up. She knew Tara, that she wouldn’t take what she had said wrong. ‘I have a beautiful girlfriend. Even more beautiful than I knew.’ Willow couldn’t shake the joy that Tara had finally revealed just how classically attractive she could be if she wanted to be on a special occasion… her girl was definitely coming out of her shell and if that was what she looked like out of it then bravo! It wasn’t that she preferred this Tara but it was definitely nice to know it was in there too.

‘Thank you - I think….’ Tara smiled. ‘But have you looked in the mirror Wil?’ Tara replied, her smile turning bashful as she asked. Gushing praise of her beauty was something she was still new to even from this source.

‘You don’t like it? You’re right it makes me look like a slut -’ Willow had grave reservations about the little black dress even in the shop…but something about it had just screamed to her – and living on a Hellmouth meant you listened to your intuition…even if from time to time it led you wrong.

‘No…I mean yes I like it and you could never look like a slut love.’ Tara crossed the living room to hold Willow’s hands in her own. ‘I think that it makes you look… sexy.’ Tara smiled again this time proud. ‘You’re like me. You hide yourself away but that…that dress shows you as the sexy woman I love.’

‘You like it?’

‘Well I couldn’t wear it but on you…mmmn.’ Tara leaned in and kissed Willow’s nose. ‘Good enough to eat.’

‘Maybe later - if your still hungry after dinner’ Willow told her absolutely deadpan.

It took a second for this to sink into Tara’s thoughts and when it did she responded by starting to gently admonish the other. ‘Willow you…you…well you sexy babe.’ Tara laughed unable to help herself.

‘Babe? You never called me “a babe” before…I think I like that too.’ Willow crossed to the sideboard where a bottle of wine stood waiting for their attention. ‘I think we need a toast.’ She poured the wine and brought the glasses over to Tara gave her one and took the other hand in the grasp that they had first had in that laundry room so long again, palms facing and touching, fingers interlaced. ‘To you, my beautiful love on no special occasion at all.’

‘To you, my sexy babe. Just being here with you is reason enough.’ Tara replied, raising her glass to meet Willow’s gesture.

‘To us.’

‘To us’

After sipping the wine they leaned forwards into a kiss that was finally only interrupted by bell of the oven timer.

--------

Satisfied long before reaching the desert, Willow and Tara eyed it warily as if the Pavlova were going to leap up and force itself down their throats – which on a Hellmouth was absolutely not impossible, though definitely at the very unlikely end of the spectrum of mystical events. Probably not requiring slayer attention to deal with.

At the start of the meal they had sat facing each other along the length of the family size dinner table that had always struck Willow as superfluous in a household in which it was rare that even the three members sat down together. It had seemed a long way between them and defeated the object of the evening to celebrate their togetherness by facing each other across eight feet of wood. No matter how highly polished. After the salad starter Willow had returned to the table to find the placemats moved along to the centre of the long oval table, next to each other. Tara had not said a word and Willow had said nothing of the move either. It was just the right thing from them to do.

The Pavlova was between them now. It was not going to move - hopefully. Neither of them wanted to spoil the evening with feeling bloated and sick just to get the value out of a couple of dollars purchase. Xander would make a meal of it, or at least a snack, if it was delivered to him, so by unspoken resolve the desert was left untouched.

‘That was all so perfect’ Willow almost purred contented.

‘And the evening is not over yet…at least I hope not.’ Tara replied, continuing ‘Will you dance with me? I mean a close, slow dance?’

‘I’m not a great dancer Tara, besides who leads?’ Now there was a question that would have been loaded if it had come from a third party. Between them however…

‘I just want to hold you and move to the music. I’ve never danced that way. I want to… with you. I always felt silly – dancing. If you do. Will you?’ Tara asked in a tone that made Willow’s heart melt.

Willow placed a hand on Tara’s knee, ran it up her leg and then connected to her arm and caressed the bare skin there.

‘I think that is a yes?’ Tara asked.

‘Yes… we can feel silly together. Will you think about something for me though?’ Willow asked, hesitating to raise the issue.

‘Anything.’

‘You may not think that when you hear what I have to say love. Will you come back…to this house? And let me introduce you to my parents?’ Willow asked prepared for a rejection. ‘If you don’t want to it’s ok…but…’

‘Yes.’ Tara said quietly as Willow continued.

‘But I think that they will like you…as much as they like anyone… I bring back. They are pretty detached from my friends. Getting the names wrong. Generally being the most embarrassing that they can be. The way that parents are. But even if they never ask, I think they should know… that I’m happy. And I want them to know that the reason that I am happy is that I am with you.’ Willow carried on, not realising Tara had needed no reasoning or persuading.

‘Yes’ Tara repeated, willing at last to think about making plans beyond the next few weeks.

‘You will? Just like that?’ Willow leaned in and kissed Tara’s cheek tenderly. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anything for you…now dance with me.’ She made rather a better job of sounding husky than Willow had, and went and changed the CD to something slower and more romantic and stood waiting for Willow who got up and slowly made her way to Tara, already sashaying, embarrassed, to the gentle rhythm at which Tara had to smile and held her arms out in an invitation that Willow gladly accepted. On your own it was just silly. In each other’s arms it was love.

It was obvious to each that the other knew no formal dancing, but that wasn't what this was about anyway. And so it was as it had been advertised, moving with the music, held close against each other, looking occasionally into each other’s expressive faces and eyes.

How long they held that clasp neither realised it was another of those timeless moments that seemed to creep up on them so often, though the music was well into repeating itself before either determined to change a thing. By now they were virtually one being, so close, so synchronised, moving as one to the slow steady music. Easier than dealing with the floating rose… and much more tactile. Who needed witchcraft to be as one? Occasionally one or the other would rest her head on the others shoulder, or finding themselves meeting eyes at the same time would sink into a long lingering kiss whilst still moving. It was during one of these moments that Willow finally decided to carry things a little further, making the kiss more urgent and passionate, placing her gently hand on Tara’s cheek to ensure that the other would not abandon her mouth. Some chance of that anyway, she guessed.

And she would have been right.

Tara knew what was on Willow’s mind, what she desired. Personally she would have waited until a little later – enjoyed this for just a little bit longer… but she couldn’t be sure that, maybe, her hesitancy was more due to a fear of further intimacy in someone else’s home. Spurred though by the passion that flooded through her from Willow Tara responded, dropping her hands down from their position on Willow’s shoulders to snake around her lower back and pull the redheaded woman closer, deeper into the shared embrace.

Willow moved her hand into Tara’s hair, entwined in the long tresses and pulling the blonde capped head further into her kiss, just as her body was being pulled towards Tara. That other hand roamed freely from Tara’s other cheek, to her shoulders and down lower, running her hand over fabric almost as soft as she knew the flesh beneath it to be.

Sinking into the moment Tara dropped a hand to Willow’s rear, stroking there, through the dress, aware that with a couple of twitches of her fingers that hemline would rise to bunch in her hands, exposing Willow to her caresses, she did so, raising the hem of the dress expecting to come into contact with Willow’s underwear but shocked to find nothing between her hands and the flesh. Strangely something she had never considered – but would no doubt plague her dreams now for months to come - it seemed deliciously daring for her love to be so attired…or rather un-attired… a little bit dirty even. Breaking from the kiss for a second she breathed her desire filled condemnation at Willow ‘You hussy.’

‘I didn’t think you’d mind.’ Willow smiled knowingly ‘Not when it’s just us. Besides there was the sand factor to consider. Like eww. Not nice.’

Tara responded only by taking over the kiss and resolving to give Willow something else that was nice, attaching her mouth to the other woman’s desiring only to give and receive pleasure and feeling the effects within her own body already as she sent her hands roaming over Willow’s bare flesh and eventually sent a hand between their bodies, again raising the dress, held back by her wrist as she ran a hand over Willow’s belly and kept heading south into the lush growth in the valley of her thighs eventually bringing her hand to what was, right now at least, the centre of Willow’s consciousness and felt rather than heard the low groan that resonated from Willow’s chest, up through her throat and through their connection as her hand probed those most intimate folds of flesh.

Fighting to control her own motions, Tara strained to keep her movements on Willow’s body slow and deliberate rather than as feverish and excited as she felt she needed to be for her own desires. Willow’s reaction was start her own movements against those fingers. Welcoming them, welcoming the palm, the whole hand.

Willow was almost desperate for more…was about to break their kiss once more to ask Tara, to beg her, to give her what she needed now but the other young woman was as experienced now with her love’s bodily desires and needs as she was with the her own and no stranger to the geography of Willow either. This would be pure pleasure and they would talk again afterwards as Tara took her place, curled up in Willow’s arms, satisfied with her nights work.

And so Willow was brought to her shuddering peak, by another woman, stood on her parents expensive rug, naked beneath her dress with her intimate flesh caressed by that woman’s fingers. There was, she would reflect later, a deliciously dirty aspect to it all that had been lacking before.

As she milked Tara’s fingers of every last drop of satisfaction Willow knew that it could not end now, that she would not let it. Both she and Tara had always been more than happy to provide pleasure for the other when they became intimately involved but they had always valued the cuddles and the kissing and the post-pleasure intimacy more than the sexual activity itself… but not this night. Tara had declared that tonight was special and Willow intended to make sure it was as special as it could be for them both.

‘Thank you lover…’ Willow said quietly before kissing Tara once more.

They were still stood there, still swaying to a beat – but no longer the music’s they were only shocked out of their revelry by the end of the disc once more. Tara kissed Willow again, but this time less with passion than an intensity borne of love, an invitation to retire to that small bed that Willow had occupied throughout her life in this house. Assuming this would be accepted Tara dropped her hand and took Willow’s and started to lead her from the room.

Willow though had other ideas. Tara was allowed to lead her to the couch and then she stopped dead in her tracks, allowing their linked arms to extend, but maintaining her position. Tara turned to her questioningly. Willow smiled…it wasn’t over yet. ‘Sit down.’ Seeing Tara hesitate, no doubt just wanting to snuggle up to her. ‘Please… for me.’

‘How can I refuse when you ask like that then?’ Tara enquired of her goddess and sat where was indicated, knowing that Willow was about to make love to her…somehow. The only question being how exactly this wonderful, beautiful, woman would choose to pleasure her. Really she didn’t care… it was Willow.

Willow sank to her knees, ‘I am still hungry,’ she said, voice full of mischief.

Well that answers that question then, Tara thought to herself, not at all disappointed as Willow manipulated the long flowing dress and the tailored split to reveal Tara’s pale legs. Oddly then, seeing her limbs exposed Tara’s mind wandered from the moment and she realised that perhaps, now she was no longer hiding away and there was someone to see it, that it was perhaps time to do something about a bit of sun. Just a little. Her mind snapped back though when Willow sent a hand to the small of her back, encouraging her to scoot forwards in the seat…which she did, allowing Willow to raise the dress to the point where her underwear was exposed to scrutiny…. and removal. Though Willow made no move to the latter just yet instead planting tiny kisses along the inside of Tara’s legs, from ankle to knee and ever upwards to her inner thighs. The kisses were maddening her, promising so much but never quite delivering on that promise and now accompanied by feather light caresses of those long flanks. Eventually Tara could not withstand it, had to ask…beg Willow to deliver… ‘Honey-’ She was cut off by a swiftly raised finger and a shoosh from the beautiful woman crouched between her wantonly spread thighs. Obedient once more Tara silenced herself, content that Willow would freely give everything that she needed when she believed that her love was ready…and by the goddess was she ready…

Willow finally reached forward for Tara’s underwear, delighting in the sight and reluctant to remove them except in promise of what lay beneath and with the removal of that piece of material Tara was exposed to her, vulnerable and utterly trusting in that vulnerability. And as Willow leaned forward to nuzzle that intimate flesh they were both aware that this physical affection was the very least important thing they had done in a memorable day.

Even if it was more fun than a Frisbee.

--------

Eventually though they made it to a bed and neither of them could manage anything other than the slight caresses that usually soothed them into sleep. That and the comfort of mutual ensnugglement. Tara had to ask though. ‘So have you been reading books again sweetie?’

‘What do you mean?’ Willow asked, not sure what, specifically, Tara was referring to.

‘What you did with your hand… to me… For me.’

‘No baby, that’s all my own work, and it wasn't just for you.’ Willow confirmed smug and more than a little proud of herself.

‘Oooh, well done then.’ Tara meant that and smiled. ‘What do you call it?’

‘Umm - Willowhand.’

‘You may have to show me that again sometime.’

‘Okay.’

----------
Endnote: Okay so I didn’t give you the specifics behind Willowhand. Use your imagination.


------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 31, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 05, 2001).]

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:17               
I was right. It's about love and it's incredibly special. Gentle smiles and warm fuzzies all round.


Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus.
(Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.)

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emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:42               
Well,says us...
Nothing wrong with that...

------------------
vive,valeque.

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KittyKo
Willowhand


Posts: 351
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:45               
wow! wonderfull! amazing...

[This message has been edited by KittyKo (edited October 31, 2001).]

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kpmuse
Willowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 31, 2001 19:54               
The thought of Willow running around the kitchen in just a tshirt..... well, shiver me timbers!
Katharyn, you are magnificent! (gosh, I hope that's not too forward)

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

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delany
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 23:15               
probably sounding like a parrot on a pirate, but WOW/
that was incredibly sensual. that was very much so what iconcider to be a LOVE scene. simply beautiful, and definitly a highlight of the fic so far. thanks!

del.

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legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 09:29               
Okay, Let me be the first to say WOW!! Oh...I see everyone above me has also used that word. Damn! Well, I'll just start again.

Okay, Let me be the first to say what a tremendously enjoyable chapter that was! I was hanging onto every word you wrote, and couldn't get to the next one fast enough! It was truly a joy to read!

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!

*end of sucking up and butt kissing - though, I'm sure you enjoyed it *

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Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 12:10            
Oh My! oh Wow!

That bath scene was just so sweet and cute and sexy and ....

Edited to add - Willow can cook in my kitchen in a t-shirt anytime - and what could be on the menu - Willowhand perhaps!

(oohps naughty Bunny)

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

[This message has been edited by Bunny (edited November 01, 2001).]

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 01, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!


Just to answer your questions legend, before I start kissing some butt myself!

1) The introduction of Tara to the Rosenbergs will not occur within the Beginning Cycle - it is mentioned in the fic purely to show that Tara is looking beyond her birthday and making plans BUT...

2) Though "Family" is the conclusion of The Beginning Cycle the idea will continue in the same manner at a later date in another cycle. As a working title this is called "The Middle Bit." There already exists a Tara meets the Rosenbergs fic,though I am not happpy with Sheila, hence holding it back (I don't have time to fix it or space in the canon timeline I am working to.) Work on this new cycle is gradually proceeding as and when a story comes to me or I revisit an episode. However there is next to no chance that this will appear before I have seen at least the first half of S6 (guesstimate March-ish though the S5 stuff should appear pretty quick as it willbe largely ready and just need tweaking. Really I will just be in search of a theme) Sorry for the delay! However I learnt my lesson with this monster. I have been chasing my tail for 6 months now writing this - mainly because I did not have enough down when I started (at least not in a usable sequence.) Also when I started I had no idea where I was going (not having seen S5.) Hence wanting to see S6 this time. And being as I seem to be attached to angst the end of S5 should keep me going until S6 which (from the rumours I try desperately to avoid - don't tell me!) also looks to be heading for angst. There will be more from me on this for certain but not in this cycle and not soon. Also (in the far future) there is a desire to do a "future fic." Maybe not to the same lengthy extent though. Depends on the events of S6 again... *hoping and praying*

3) As for withdrawl symptoms... I know all about that. Feedback is what I want and what I need. That is why the Sidestep series of stories (all in an Alt Universe) is being developed already and some of that is written and almost ready to go. But again I need to get some more of that done before I start to post it as a contingency against real life having an effect. There is also a possibility that some of that will be a collaboration. But only a possibility at this point (eh? K.) If that happens then I need to wait for the other person to be ready and willing too. It will appear before "The Middle Bit" however. (See Part 28 & 29 for an idea of what that is about.) Don't worry I will not actually call it "The Middle Bit!"

4) You kiss butt magnificently.

5) There are a few parts left yet though. Part 40 is set after Out of My Mind. Part 41 starts the Family bit off. I plan on ending in Part 46 or 47 as Family is broken down (as New Moon Rising was) into 4 parts directly linked to the episode (or maybe 3 if they are not long enough) with 3 more parts dealing with the aftermath.

6) As for having a life... I am told that I have one. I have a job. I have someone to hold - this week at least - and I cannot decide whether her being away working so much is a good or bad thing. Nope it is bad for me and good for you lot that seem to like this!

Gods that rambled a bit. Thankyou all for your support on this last part. I always have reservation about fic like that. You can never be sure what the readers will think. More smut,less smut? I went for less and I think that it (hope that it) gives more an impression of love and a future than a sex emphasised one would. But nonetheless it is smut. Now I am off out for my birthday. I shall not reveal my age and pretend I am in Buffyland and just 21.

Birthday update: It is chucking it down and the taxi has gone awol. GRRR. On my way now...

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

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Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 17:18            
Happy Birthday Katharyn

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

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legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 20:44               
Thanks for the reply - Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 02, 2001 01:29               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:
Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future


You got me all enthusiastic for it now. Just officially named "The Middle Bit" folder, I can sense a vast order of fiction with repetitive strain injury on the side on the horizon!

Thanks for all the birthday greetings... now never mention it again*S* Besides for me it was now yesterday another 364 days to go WOOHOO!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 03, 2001 06:04               
I'm in a little internet cafe in the wilds of Woodford drinking hot chocolate and feeling in a particularly silly mood. I was going to send an enigmatic email but I decided this would be more fun.

YES. Just that. YES. If it needs elaboration I'll add that we (note the use of the plural pronoun as opposed to the royal definative) can do this - it's a good idea and it deserves to be done. I can dig pits as well as climb in and out all by myself.


Credo draconae, hominis bonum, et alius animalis phantasia.
(I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.)

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IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 28, 2001 13:56               
Wow!

Nothing else, just wow!


Somnia sunt surculos veritatis.
(Dreams are the seedlings of reality.)

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posted October 28, 2001 13:56                Wow!

Nothing else, just wow!


Somnia sunt surculos veritatis.
(Dreams are the seedlings of reality.)
IP: LoggedtommoLesbian Gay Type Lover


Posts: 4748
Registered: Sep 2000
posted October 28, 2001 14:42               


Hmm.

------------------
"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

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posted October 28, 2001 14:42                Hmm.

------------------
"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."
IP: Loggedemily 'first'Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 28, 2001 15:33               


***
I don't know what to say...
Well,actually,I do...so here we go...
First I was disturbed...
Then I cried...well I started leaking anyway...
Then I was disturbed again...in a very thoughtful way...
***
Katharyn,
I think you managed to carry off this part very well...and long may you continue...

------------------
vive,valeque.

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 31, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 28, 2001 15:33                ***
I don't know what to say...
Well,actually,I do...so here we go...
First I was disturbed...
Then I cried...well I started leaking anyway...
Then I was disturbed again...in a very thoughtful way...
***
Katharyn,
I think you managed to carry off this part very well...and long may you continue...

------------------
vive,valeque.

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 31, 2001).]IP: LoggedZahirGay Now!


Posts: 1238
Registered: Nov 2000
posted October 28, 2001 20:40               


You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc. And one of the hallmarks of great fiction is that it captures this great but disturbing truth...

Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.

Keep up the good work!

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

IP: Logged

posted October 28, 2001 20:40                You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc. And one of the hallmarks of great fiction is that it captures this great but disturbing truth...

Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.

Keep up the good work!

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
IP: LoggeddelanyDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 28, 2001 21:20               


okaaaaay...
that was slightly unnerving. it was a little disturbing, all that past family imagery and stuff. the darling lass.. just wanna grab her and give her great big hugs.. i've always been a fan of the way authors depict dream scenes becaouse it's almost like a step away from a reality thats a step away from reality..ermm..if you know what i mean..you know..like when you dream that your dreaming..kinda thing (i study psychology, just been reading freud )..anyways, it was very cool.
I amost cried when willow scene came up, poor tara..she's really got some rough times ahead of her. can't help but want her to just totally open up and tell willow everthing she's feeling.. just like in family.. oo!! interesting tangent..

del

IP: Logged

posted October 28, 2001 21:20                okaaaaay...
that was slightly unnerving. it was a little disturbing, all that past family imagery and stuff. the darling lass.. just wanna grab her and give her great big hugs.. i've always been a fan of the way authors depict dream scenes becaouse it's almost like a step away from a reality thats a step away from reality..ermm..if you know what i mean..you know..like when you dream that your dreaming..kinda thing (i study psychology, just been reading freud )..anyways, it was very cool.
I amost cried when willow scene came up, poor tara..she's really got some rough times ahead of her. can't help but want her to just totally open up and tell willow everthing she's feeling.. just like in family.. oo!! interesting tangent..

delIP: LoggedLonewolfDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 115
Registered: Jun 2001
posted October 29, 2001 02:30               


Katharyn: Great update, I really like the way Tara realizes she belongs with Willow and not back home and that she is not evil and never was.

Lonewolf

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posted October 29, 2001 02:30                Katharyn: Great update, I really like the way Tara realizes she belongs with Willow and not back home and that she is not evil and never was.

LonewolfIP: LoggedkpmuseWillowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 29, 2001 15:21               


Thanks Katharyn! Nice chap! Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island, but please do come back now cause we miss you in spoiler free. Bye

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

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posted October 29, 2001 15:21                Thanks Katharyn! Nice chap! Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island, but please do come back now cause we miss you in spoiler free. Bye

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - AmberIP: LoggedWiggleStickFloating Rose


Posts: 49
Registered: Mar 2001
posted October 29, 2001 17:54            


I really like this fic, I particularly like the fact that you are willing to use so many narrative styles. And you do them all so well. Outstanding every time.

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posted October 29, 2001 17:54             I really like this fic, I particularly like the fact that you are willing to use so many narrative styles. And you do them all so well. Outstanding every time.IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 30, 2001 02:46               
quote:
Originally posted by kpmuse:
Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island,


Regretably not why I am on the island KP, but thanks!
Thanks one and all, that one seems to have found a largely favourable response, but was one that could have gone the other way just as easily.

quote:
Originally posted by Zahir:
You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc.
Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.


You seem to be doing alot of methinking round here Zahir! Methinks you are right, though I rarely think about things like that with the precision that you manage to explain it with. I just work on gut reaction and see how far that will take me. From absolute day one of this fic when I decided to make the concern over the demon one of Tara's main motivations I never wanted this to be "Evil" Maclay Family v's "Good" Tara. It just didn't strike me that was the way it worked. There had to be some reason behind the whole thing - even though it had been corrupted down the line at one point there had to be a real reason for the belief.. Equally there had to be some acceptance from the "victims" to explain how Tara ended up as she was. And with acceptance there is a price to be paid. Usually down the linee but in Tara's dream back at the very beginning.
My only nod of the hat to good/evil is Donny. Who I just don't like, I admit it. But I put that down to sibling rivalry gone mad more than anything else.

The next part is causing me big problems (along the lines that I am not comfortable with it - which is generally a bad thing), so there may be a slight delay though I am still trying for Thursday. More as it happens.

Updated to note that I may have reached a compromise with myself. We'll see how that turns out.

Katharyn

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 30, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 30, 2001 02:46               
quote:
Originally posted by kpmuse:
Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island,


Regretably not why I am on the island KP, but thanks!
Thanks one and all, that one seems to have found a largely favourable response, but was one that could have gone the other way just as easily.

quote:
Originally posted by Zahir:
You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc.
Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.


You seem to be doing alot of methinking round here Zahir! Methinks you are right, though I rarely think about things like that with the precision that you manage to explain it with. I just work on gut reaction and see how far that will take me. From absolute day one of this fic when I decided to make the concern over the demon one of Tara's main motivations I never wanted this to be "Evil" Maclay Family v's "Good" Tara. It just didn't strike me that was the way it worked. There had to be some reason behind the whole thing - even though it had been corrupted down the line at one point there had to be a real reason for the belief.. Equally there had to be some acceptance from the "victims" to explain how Tara ended up as she was. And with acceptance there is a price to be paid. Usually down the linee but in Tara's dream back at the very beginning.
My only nod of the hat to good/evil is Donny. Who I just don't like, I admit it. But I put that down to sibling rivalry gone mad more than anything else.

The next part is causing me big problems (along the lines that I am not comfortable with it - which is generally a bad thing), so there may be a slight delay though I am still trying for Thursday. More as it happens.

Updated to note that I may have reached a compromise with myself. We'll see how that turns out.

Katharyn

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 30, 2001).]quote:quote:IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 13:54               


Okay I am nervous about this one… but here goes…

I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.

A large portion of this story is based around sexual activity, which I am always slightly dubious of posting. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but this is the story behind the lovely and dirty look (in my humble opinion) that Tara gives Willow during “Out of My Mind” – Willowhand specifically – though without getting too graphically into the detail - at the end it is left to your imagination. I hope that a reader will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and something more than purely sexy. That said it is more than a touch explicit. If you do not wish to read about, mainly implied, consensual sex between two women who are deeply, madly in love stop now. Once again there will be a “fade out” version available via e-mail for anyone who wants the limited plot stuff without (too much) of the sexy stuff. Last time no one asked but (much later on) there was a derogatory and nasty flame. If you know that you aren’t going to like this based on the subject alone then please exercise the ultimate censorship and do not read it. If you didn’t like Burning Bright (Part 21) then again do not read this, just come back for Part 40 – you are not missing too much plot here.

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE

Should any of the mod’s object to the content I will of course edit as required to fit within the board though I believe this to be less explicit than other recent fics that seem to have passed okay.

Also if you are likely to fall off your chair do not read it in work. It’s embarrassing to do that.

And with the warnings to “Willowhand.”

Katharyn
-----------------

Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Hands on Loving (Part 39)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Keep it constructive. If you do feel the need to strongly object please send it to my e-mail.
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and not quiet including “Out of My Mind.”
Summary: Tara, decides to have an anniversary – on no particular date. Set the night before the Willowhand scene in Out of My Mind, a possible suggestion of what that means to them – or at least where it came from.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the Production Company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: NC-17 – Sorry there is no way around it this time. See the above warning.
Couples: W/T – who else?
Notes: By the way, I have no idea if there is anything in the world called “Chapswort”…but it sure as heck doesn’t have the effect as described in this story so don’t even bother looking for it. Also as described “Chapswort” is very definitely a spell ingredient not any form of drug, the use of which is not condoned in any way by this story or it’s writer.
Thanks To: My chief research assistant. And dear Kerry who’s reassurances arrived just in time for me to give this one the go-ahead.


The Beginnings Cycle

Hands on Loving

By

Katharyn Rosser

This was the way that it should always be. A perfect day… together. A long morning in bed snuggled together under a warm duvet. A walk on the sand, a picnic, a little spell on a secluded part of the beach. Fun with Frisbees in a sort of “can’t catch it but it’s fun to throw way.” Until a dog ran off with it, but even that had been kind of funny. Of course sand got everywhere but you couldn’t let that spoil things. This was the way it should always be. Despite the irritation factor.

It couldn’t be of course. ‘You couldn’t have a perfect day every day, otherwise it wouldn’t seem special when you did have one, it would just be a normal. And though a normal day like that would be good, what would you have to do to make it feel special again, you know?’ So Willow had argued and Tara had agreed with her. The same logic seemed to suggest that a bad day might make the good one’s even better but that wasn’t a theory that they cared to test. They’d had their bad day, Willow had thought looking back, and actually it had brought them to far better ones. Just keep those coming.

Tara had agreed with her lover on that too, she thought now that there could be more of them, many more. Finally what had been her fate, her destiny, seemed like no more than a suggestion. It wasn't true any longer that she had to go. If she could just hide what she was then she could stay. Her actions would not betray her. She knew that it wasn’t evil – the magic. The demon wasn't evil either or if it was, well she could control that. Her mother always had – Tara had never seen a hint of it, only the magic – and her love. How blind had she been to miss that all these years?

She, her mother, had been able to love. Nothing had stopped that. Not magic, not demons, not evil. Nothing. Tara had known she was loved, had never seen the evil. So why had she always accepted what she was told? That it was there? That it would take her? And if that was true and she could ask those questions about her mother then Tara knew she could do the same. Be the same. She could stay with her Willow. All she had to do was hide what she was. Somehow. They, the scoobies, might not like having a demon in their midst, but Willow… She had never lied to Willow about that. She had never said, “I am human.” But then you didn’t need to did you? It was sort of a given – even at a Hellmouth – that you were wholly human when you appeared to be. Well no maybe not actually. But the point still stood.

This was not the time for that though. Not tonight of all nights. Tara had decided in the aftermath of that dream, the one that Willow told her had caused her to wake screaming, that it was time to have an anniversary. What was in the dream she had no clue of anymore. But whatever it was it had cleared her mind. Clarity was a beautiful thing – especially when you didn’t even realise that you were confused. Almost as beautiful as her love and almost as important. They had missed celebrating six months, probably through scoobyage and despite her recent decision there was still the remote chance that they would never make twelve either. She slapped the gag on that part of her brain once more This day would not be spoiled. Not when she had her clarity and her Willow.

‘Can I use the shower or the bath? I’m all sandy.’ Tara asked, emptying her shoes on the doorstep. Never having been in Willow’s childhood home before she was a little nervous. Mr and Mrs Rosenberg were absent, visiting yet more members of the widespread Rosenberg clan. Willow had suggested their house as a venue for tonight’s celebration – it had the virtue of a kitchen that you could create in – rather than simply feed yourself with waffles and pancakes. Occasionally in the dorm you could boil an egg too, but they had bigger, more complex, culinary plans tonight.

‘Of course you can.’ Willow replied wanting Tara to feel at home, but doubting that she would anymore than she would with the Maclay family. Whom she had still never met… she had to admit she was curious about the people who had shaped this wonderful woman. Wonderfully shaped woman. She smiled at her own mental joke.

‘What?’ Tara asked her.

‘Nothing… just a little mental babble sweetums.’

Tara smiled. ‘Don’t call me sweetums.’

‘Okay babycakes…’

Tara looked at her and Willow cracked up.

‘And I think you could use one too’ Tara suggested to her.

Willow took that as an invitation. Maybe even a command. Which was a good thing. Still it was also true that, after being half buried in sand – which seemed a lot more fun in theory than it was in practice, that she needed to get washed down. It had probably been more fun for Tara who had delighted in tickling her exposed feet and nose with a feather that she had found.

‘A bath I mean, a long hot soak with a few herbs. It’ll help shift some of that sand.’ Tara suggested realising that she may have gone a little too far with the burial thing. Every step Willow had taken after getting up had seen another flurry of sand, and every few steps another gripe. Besides Willow hated to have the underside of her feet tickled.

‘And if I don’t?’ Willow asked having no intention of refusing anyway.

‘Then you’ll just have to suffer the chafing, scratching and itching.’ Tara smiled with mock sympathy and a definite dirty mind. ‘Have we got everything we need for tonight?’

‘We checked that twice already. Everything is present and correct sah!’ Willow reassured her, saw her face and added ‘I mean we have got everything. I was just doing a sort of Riley impression.’

‘It was very good,’ Tara told her.

‘No… it was just embarrassing.’ The ingredients for their anniversary meal were filling the fridge. More than they would ever eat. Xander and Buffy would be eating their leftovers for a few days. Dawn would probably help out too. Scraps always seemed more fun when they were someone else’s.

‘I just want this to be a perfect night. For us.’ Tara replied.

‘It will be love. Nothing is going to spoil it. Now go and run me a bath. I can’t move without dropping sand and I don’t want to get it in the food either. Third door on the left in the hall.’ Willow smiled contently to herself as Tara left to her bidding, then winced as her skin scraped against more sandy residue as she shifted.

Willow wasn’t certain what exactly they were celebrating but Tara had been all over her in the last two days – seemingly since that dream. She had said it was a celebration of their love. One they had missed at six months. She was no more sure than Tara where that one had gone. It seemed an age since they had met and since they had made the connection that first night in the laundry room and, Willow had to admit, it had all started there. Had probably been inevitable from that point on. Her historiography lecturer would no doubt tell her that nothing was inevitable. But this seemed to have been. The early period filled with doubts, dancing around issues rather than each other but always heading towards one conclusion. Willow sighed, closed her eyes and sat back in the easily wiped down kitchen chair, feeling sand tinkle onto her toes as she relaxed and thinking of all that had gone before. All that might follow. Starting tonight – perhaps they were celebrating the end of their beginning. It was a shame that they were not living together… it seemed fitting and it had, once upon a time, seemed like an option but one that had faded away without discussion. Neither of them had pursued it. Why had that been?

Not that she could remember two consecutive nights where they had not shared a bed anyway. Whose bed didn’t matter, but they were together. That was what mattered and in a dorm, the other practicalities of living together didn’t matter so much. What else was there to share that they weren’t already… their lives, their fears, their secrets and their love. Not a lot more than those.

Tara found her there, minutes later, slumped and spread-eagled in the pine chair a beatific smile fixed to her love’s lips. She simply stood watching her for a minute, more perhaps, thinking similar thoughts to those running through Willow’s mind. Then finally ‘Honey…your bath is getting cold.’

Willow, not unaffected by her thoughts opened her eyes, and found Tara already looking into them as was her habit. It had taken so long for Tara to do that, regularly. To find the confidence to just share even a gaze. Something else to celebrate. My love’s confidence, Willow thought. She wasn't conceited enough to think that she had done anything other than let the real Tara emerge but it was nice to realise how far she, they, had come from where they were. Tara wasn’t the only one to have changed. ‘Help me?’ It was expressed as a sultry invitation more than a question. And not at all a command.

‘Here?’ Tara asked, slightly shocked. The way Willow had always talked of her parents she had doubted that they would dare do more than kiss and hold each other here tonight – and wasn’t really sure if she was comfortable with any more than that herself. But to bathe Willow which, inevitably would lead to fun and hi-jinks. In an actual bath. Mmmmn. Practicality and doubts were taking a back seat already in her mind - to the possibilities.

‘They’re away until next week – and I spoke to them in St Louis this morning. They aren’t suddenly going to suddenly like turn up and demand to know what you are doing in their house. With their daughter. I promise.’ Willow was sure. Had made very, very sure and probably aroused Sheila’s suspicions with her probing questions. ‘Help me.’ It was not a question or an invitation this time. It was a requirement. Perhaps that was what Tara needed to overcome her reticence.

Tara held out her hand, took Willow’s in her own, felt sympathy with her love as Willow carefully manoeuvred herself out of the chair and got slowly to her feet with another cascade of sand. Where was it all coming from? Was it magic? Message to self – no more mock burials.

They made their way slowly to the bathroom, Willow leading Tara by the hand, observing with approval the steaming freestanding bath of water, smelling the promised mixture of herbs, oils and other ingredients and identifying several of them by scent realised that they were not all strictly medicinal or freshening. ‘Chapswort?’ She asked in a mock incredulous tone. She knew of course that Tara had some – after all she had given it to her – but that had been months ago. She had thought that it was either used, which had seemed a little selfish, or hidden away for a special occasion.

Which this seemed to be at Tara’s whim. What a whim it was.

‘I-I well, I wanted you…refreshed.’ Tara admitted to her, that cute shy smile on her lips, feeling guilty. For all her protests in the kitchen, by adding that ingredient to the mix she had pretty much signalled her intent anyway.

Refreshed is not exactly what was advertised on the label young lady.’ Willow smiled at Tara’s guilty blushes. ‘Are you sure that it is suitable for bathing? I wouldn’t want to get dry skin.’ She smiled. She hoped the implication was clear… have you tried it love? She liked to think that Tara hadn’t used it all for her. There was a little nod in return. ‘Undress me?’

Standing behind her Tara coaxed Willow’s arms upwards and drew the t-shirt up over her head and when those arms wearily fell to Willow’s sides Tara could not resist running her hands up their curves, barely touching the rounding the shoulders and back down the nearly nude back from neck to base of the spine. Willow shivered.

‘Cold?’ Tara checked, looking at the steaming water.

‘No’ replied Willow, ‘but you would warm me up if I was wouldn’t you? That’s what you do, make me feel better.’

‘Always love,’ Tara assured her and rounded Willow, allowing the shorts to fall to the floor in a sandy heap. She hoped that the Rosenberg’s had a dust buster to deal with this beach that they had brought back with them… or there was going to be a lot of time on her hands and knees cleaning up. Course being on your knees wasn't so bad.

Tara took the opportunity to kneel and remove Willow’s underwear. Then stood, kissed her love on the cheek and reached around behind her as their chests met to undo the last article of concealing clothing on the red haired woman.

Standing back from Willow then Tara could see that the other was sprinkled with sand, a fragment of seaweed in her hair. Funny how she had not noticed that before. She plucked it out. ‘You’re a mess honey’ Tara admonished referring to the patches of sand that clung to a sweaty body and showing her the seaweed.

‘And I thought I was a siren… luring you to me.’

‘Oh you do, but you’re a mess too. A messy siren.’

‘Clean me up?’ Willow asked Tara for the favour, knowing that asking was totally unnecessary.

Tara didn’t even bother to respond and just helped Willow into the bath she had probably been washed in as a baby. Goddess, that was kind of weird to think about. Sometimes she wished that she had known Willow that long. Like Xander. But then, like Xander, they might just have been best friends. Instead of what they were.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Willow asked, seeing Tara go absent without leave for a minute.

‘What we are.’

‘Naked, madly in love lesbians covered in sand?’ Willow suggested.

‘I’m not naked.’

‘Give me time.’ The grin on Willow’s face was full of promise. And for that she gave Willow her time, allowing her to settle back into the water, so deep that only the swell of her chest broke the surface apart from her neck and face. Now this was a bath. Not for the Rosenberg’s the cramped shallow plastic mouldings that existed in most modern houses where the water barely came halfway up you without washing out of the overflow.

You could have fun in a bath like this.

They intended to so that was all right.

Willow though was lost in that ecstatic moment she felt whenever she slipped into a hot bath – the moment though stretched and lingered, became more intense. She smiled eyes closed. Chapswort going to work immediately. Deep within her a familiar spring started to bubble. Opening her eyes she was surprised to see, and feel, the tips of her breasts become taut and distended, breaking the surface as she watched without making another movement in the now stilled water.

Tara too was surprised. It was one thing to lose yourself in the effect of Chapswort, it was another to watch the face of another person feeling that. Very… nice. An unadvertised benefit.

Willow, feeling the full effect of submerging herself in the water, tried to sound sexy and husky as she breathed ‘Wash me woman.’ Though she felt sexy her voice betrayed her and she knew it sounded vaguely ridiculous – like Darth Vader on helium more than likely. She wasn’t good at husky, but she guessed that Tara would get the idea.

Tara gave a gentle laugh, knelt beside the bath and picked up the facecloth and soaked it, then gently reached forward to wipe Willow’s face and brow. ‘Soak your hair love’ she said and watched as Willow slipped down, taking her head and face into the water. Tara though could feel a tingle start in her hands and connect through her body with her chest, downwards, pooling between her thighs. Just the start of desire – and just from dipping her hands in that specially treated water. It was, however, more than the start of desire that she felt as Willow, sinking down was forced, by the length of the bath, to thrust her pelvis upwards, just breaking the surface with her pubis darkened to almost a rich brown by the water. Later for that thought Tara as Willow re-emerged. She reached out once more and slicked back Willow’s hair from her face.

As Tara stroked her hair back, Willow followed that hand with her head, trying to bring it back into contact with her cheek as it started to withdraw, like a cat rubbing up against a favoured person, Miss Kitty though had never seemed as desperate as Willow did now. Tara responded and left her hand on that cheek for a moment or so, gently and tenderly moving her fingers across the damp soft flesh, responding to Willow’s need to be stroked there.

‘Come on love. Time for you to get cleaned up.’ Willow almost whimpered as Tara removed her hand, picking up the shampoo bottle and building up a lather in her hands proceeded to rub it into Willow’s fiery mane, probing insistently at her scalp with her finger tips in a powerful massage against semi-magically sensitised flesh, making sweeping moves to sculpt the hair into shampoo held curves around Willow’s head then when fully lathered in pushing gently but insistently on Willow’s head, guiding her head back into the water to wash away the shampoo which dispersed in a film across the water, clinging to anything it met, the edge of the bath, Willow’s flesh, Tara’s own hands.

As Willow rose from the water once more, Tara again slicked back her hair and then took the soap to start work on Willow’s body. Wherever Tara’s hands went they were eagerly anticipated and received by Willow, a hand raising to meet her touch as the Tara gave a soapy massage to Willow’s fingers and palms. Working her way from wrist down fingers, giving each joint and tiny muscle it’s due. Up the arms, left then right, teasing and easing the ache caused by excess of Frisbee fun. As Willow had said, it was amazing that you could fight for your life and never use muscles stressed by throwing a plastic disk. When each arm was raised Tara’s cleansing hands journeyed to the tops of each, cleaning the shoulder and underneath into the arm pit and both wanted further exploration of the swell of Willow’s breasts that was so tantalisingly close when she was there, yet Tara resisted and proceeded to the neck and shoulder blades.

‘Lean forward sweetie’ Tara instructed moving to do Willow’s back, exposed as she obeyed.

Willow sat up and pressing her rapidly swelling breasts against the backs of her legs, she clutched her thighs to hold herself forward and to stop herself from grabbing Tara and pulling her in here too, clothes and all.

Unaware of that threat, Tara gently soaped the proffered area carried on down under the water level to the point where back ended and the spread of Willow’s buttocks began and just for a second left a finger there in the upper reaches before withdrawing and tracing a line up the spine to the base of the neck, causing Willow to shiver in spite of the steam filled air, the descending again to lift the warm water up, letting it flow down the curved expanse to wash the soap away. Though finished with washing there Tara maintained her position behind Willow to rub at her shoulders, Tara could feel the little tension that there was escape up into her hands and from there it descended through Tara’s own body to pool in her chest and between her own thighs. Tension, like energy it seemed, was neither created nor destroyed it was just transferred from one form to another.

I bet Einstein didn’t have that in mind with E=MC Squared. Maybe she should check with Willow, but she was almost certain that was not the basis of the theory.

Possibly a little too much Chapswort she was forced to conclude as without conscious thought her hands rounded Willow’s shoulders to the upper slopes of her breasts still rubbing with some force. It wasn't as if they had ever needed any help before was it?

Willow sighed and leaned back a little into the caress, tipped her head back as Tara took each globe in her hands, manipulating, squeezing. Willow was looking almost straight up now, as Tara leaned over her, into the other’s face. The blonde woman was also flushed. Willow was again tempted then to pull her over into the bath with her, clothed or not, as they always seemed to do in movies…but this is real life she thought to herself. In real life people get hurt doing stuff like that and wet clothes. And water all over the floor. Along with the sand. It’ll be just like the beach. Better not. Instead she concentrated on fighting to control her breathing. With Tara’s hands loving her chest she felt the need to take deep ragged breaths, but the moment was so beautiful, so perfect that she did not want to disturb it just for the minor matter of breathing. Breathing could wait if Tara would just carry on. Instead she tipped her head back and offered her lips in invitation to be kissed from above. A silent suggestion Tara acceded to eagerly.

When Tara released Willow’s chest she heard the groan escape from deep within the other young woman. Felt it transmitted through the shoulders that her hands rested upon, through their connected lips and through Willow’s teeth and her tongue caressed them too. Despite what must have been a conscious knowledge that this was not over Willow’s body had betrayed her disappointment that the moment could not last just a little longer, but the stance was uncomfortable…and by anybody’s estimation Willow’s chest had been more than thoroughly cleansed. Well enough for now anyway. Instead Tara came to the other end of the tub…glad that Willow’s parents had such an old fashioned freestanding bath that allowed that sort of freedom of movement. Though what Ira and Sheila Rosenberg would think of these particular events with their daughter was a matter that worried Tara immensely – especially since Willow had started to mention introducing Tara to them when they returned from St Louis in a couple of weeks time.

Willow was oblivious to Tara’s sudden discomfort…. but the other woman soon forgot those irritating thoughts anyway. Willow felt a hand enter the water at the plughole end, near her feet and almost sank without trace as she reacted to another fiendish tickle there that greeted the arch of her foot. In not quite mock rage she admonished Tara ‘I told you before Maclay…don’t tickle the feet!’

Tara felt she might just have learnt that lesson this time, drenched as she was by the impulsive kick of Willows leg. ‘Lift your leg baby,’ she said quietly, smiling as Willow obeyed her instruction, a shining limb emerging like Excalibur from the lake, toe pointed at her as if accusing and daring Tara to proceed. Tara took that dare, working up another lather and tending to Willow’s limb. Foot, between the toes shifting every stubborn particle of sand, calf and knee. Then the outer thigh and finally the inner thigh.

Willow, her senses heightened by the effect of the Chapswort, sucked in her breath as Tara, leaning far over, finally touched the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh, soaping ever upwards, slowly and deliberately. Held it as Tara moved away again, back down to her knee, then rushing upwards and inwards. And away again. The breath only escaped on the fourth such incident as Tara, moving faster, overshot the mark she had set herself and a fingertip finally touched the more intimate flesh between Willow’s thighs.

And withdrew without fulfilling the promise seemingly offered.

The process was repeated with the other lower limb – and though it was without the same sense of anticipation as this time Willow knew what was coming she could not appreciate it any the less. She was flexing her body to try and bring the welcome fingers into sooner and greater contact with her intimate parts. Tara though played the tease and resisted the very real temptation to caress her love then though. It was a struggle not to succumb, to give Willow what she wanted. That was always hard to resist. Willow had been right before. Whatever her love needed she would try to provide. It was just that sometimes it was better to make her wait. Just a little.

Even in her brief disappointment Willow revelled in the conflict playing across Tara’s face. Seeing her love caught between fulfilling a building desire that was obviously equal to that she was inspiring and a duty to simply cleanse and allow them to move on to the meal - with a promise of later fulfilment and joy. Willow could not remain disappointed and guessed that she would not have cause to.

Tara allowed Willow’s leg to sink back into the slowly cooling waters and came again to kneel at the side of the bath. Placed her hands in the water in front of her and allowed Willow to lay back, running her hands along the flanks and front of the bathing beauty, caressing briefly her chest once more, and later again, and again…in between moving to the abdomen and lower to the belly. Washing once more between excursions those peeking tips. And then withdrew and went for a towel, offering it for Willow to step into.

‘You missed a bit.’ Willow admonished her love, knowing that Tara would know what she meant.

Without protest Tara returned to her place at Willow’s side and gave the indicated region a thorough clean. ‘I’m sure you could have done this yourself’ Tara smiled wickedly.

Willow was almost shocked by that joke, never having heard such blatantly sexual humour from Tara. ‘Not with…ahh…your delicacy love. And besides it is your fault that the sand got to those new and interesting places...’ She tried to relax under the ministrations and found that it was impossible as Tara took her duties seriously. ‘Though,’ Willow said, ‘I am not sure that it got quite… mmmn… that far.’

‘Best to be safe rather than sorry,’ Tara told her, not even bothering to threaten stopping just yet.

‘And I am not so sorry now that you buried me…’ Willow told her a minute or so later after a certain point had been passed. ‘Though I am still mad about the tickling.’

‘Get out, you’ll wrinkle like a prune.’ Tara finally withdrew her hands from Willow’s body and stood holding the towel again. Reluctantly Willow obeyed aware that they had greater plans than just this for the evening. Standing, water running in rivers across smooth skin Willow awaited the warm towel which Tara used upon her, drying her as one would a small child – at least until she came to certain focal areas to which she again paid close attention, the rough towelling a delicious counterpoint to the previous silken touch.

With the bath vacated Tara began to strip off her own clothing, damp from the steam and the spray of water that Willow had sent in her direction. Willow immediately ran her another tub of water, prepared to offer her love the same services that she had received but Tara dismissed her.

‘But…bath time Tara… waterborne slippery fun. Your turn… My turn!’ Willow protested desperate to experience it from the other side of the tub.

‘Just a quick dip sweetie, not playtime. We have a meal to cook, remember? I think you should go start it umm?’ Tara suggested. ‘Otherwise it’ll be late when we get to eat.’ Her stomach growled as she climbed into the tub, feeling the sandy residue from the previous occupant sharp beneath her flesh as she sat down in the hot water.

‘Okay, that’s alright. I’ll go and cook you your dinner. Don’t you worry about it.’ Willow joked, hearing the hint and acquiescing as she departed the room with Tara laying back in the bath. She was reluctant to leave now, but Tara was right. They could fool around anytime, well anytime they could find a bath. This was a special night.

She added that feature to the dream home that she intended to share with the soaking woman one day, a big bathroom with a big, deep tub and plenty of access. Mmmmn. A definite requirement. So she had the bedroom and the bathroom planned. They might have fun planning the rest of the home too. They had plenty of time after all.

----------

Despite promising a quick dip it was nearly half an hour later that Tara emerged from the bathroom to find Willow hard at work in her parent’s kitchen. The table in the dining room was laid, the salad ready, the ingredients for the main course chopped and ready. And Willow running around in just a t-shirt. Tara came over to her and stopped her moving round the kitchen…kissed her firmly on the lips. ‘You’re a wonder.’ She said referring to how much the other had accomplished in that short time as well as her general wonderfulness, which was always worth commenting on.

‘Care to join the nearly-naked chef?’ The cook offered jokingly. She had not wanted to ruin her dress by accidental spillage and had no other clothes here other than those sandy things that Tara was stuffing in the washer.

‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Tara shrugged off the robe she had found on the back of the bathroom door – equally not wanting to stain Mrs Rosenberg’s robe with beetroot or anything else. That might take a little more explaining than they would face when Ira and Sheila were finally told about them. Not only are we an item, Tara could not see herself saying, but I spilled beetroot on your robe whilst preparing a meal for your daughter after ravishing her in your bathroom.

Probably not the best icebreaker there had ever been in the history of human conversation.

And so they were there, preparing food in Willows parent’s kitchen Willow naked but for her long t-shirt, Tara in her underwear. Creating something special together.

--------

When the food was prepared though it was time to dress more appropriately for the occasion, each had been shopping for an outfit, wanting to mark this not very exceptional occasion in their relationship and each was not really all that sure of the dress that they had bought.

Willow emerged first having eschewed her earlier preference for longer dresses she had picked up what could only be described as a little black dress and had she not been here in this house would never dared to wear it… and certainly for no one other than the woman that she loved. With quite a high hemline and a fairly low cut front it was more daring than she would ever usually consider, particularly as the back…well actually the back didn’t exist, simply crisscrossed with supporting spaghetti straps.

Tara on the other hand had gone for what could only be described as a gown, long, as colourful as she usually preferred to be and form fitting it merited her best efforts with both hair and makeup too. But the occasion demanded it – even if there wasn't one. She was in the mood for special.

Laying eyes on each other, seeing the other fidget in the unfamiliar clothing each was blown away by the utter beauty of the other.

‘Oh…’

They simultaneously stared, gaping in admiration at the other and forgetting just what they had been worried about in their own choices.

‘Tara…you look…amazing. A classical beauty,’ Willow finally breathed. ‘I knew you were beautiful…. but I never knew you were so…well beautiful.’ Tara thought about that and decided it was definitely a thumbs up.

Willow started worrying though about just what she had implied…that the other woman was not beautiful in a classic sense everyday. ‘I mean, well you know, that you are…wow.’ She gave up. She knew Tara, that she wouldn’t take what she had said wrong. ‘I have a beautiful girlfriend. Even more beautiful than I knew.’ Willow couldn’t shake the joy that Tara had finally revealed just how classically attractive she could be if she wanted to be on a special occasion… her girl was definitely coming out of her shell and if that was what she looked like out of it then bravo! It wasn’t that she preferred this Tara but it was definitely nice to know it was in there too.

‘Thank you - I think….’ Tara smiled. ‘But have you looked in the mirror Wil?’ Tara replied, her smile turning bashful as she asked. Gushing praise of her beauty was something she was still new to even from this source.

‘You don’t like it? You’re right it makes me look like a slut -’ Willow had grave reservations about the little black dress even in the shop…but something about it had just screamed to her – and living on a Hellmouth meant you listened to your intuition…even if from time to time it led you wrong.

‘No…I mean yes I like it and you could never look like a slut love.’ Tara crossed the living room to hold Willow’s hands in her own. ‘I think that it makes you look… sexy.’ Tara smiled again this time proud. ‘You’re like me. You hide yourself away but that…that dress shows you as the sexy woman I love.’

‘You like it?’

‘Well I couldn’t wear it but on you…mmmn.’ Tara leaned in and kissed Willow’s nose. ‘Good enough to eat.’

‘Maybe later - if your still hungry after dinner’ Willow told her absolutely deadpan.

It took a second for this to sink into Tara’s thoughts and when it did she responded by starting to gently admonish the other. ‘Willow you…you…well you sexy babe.’ Tara laughed unable to help herself.

‘Babe? You never called me “a babe” before…I think I like that too.’ Willow crossed to the sideboard where a bottle of wine stood waiting for their attention. ‘I think we need a toast.’ She poured the wine and brought the glasses over to Tara gave her one and took the other hand in the grasp that they had first had in that laundry room so long again, palms facing and touching, fingers interlaced. ‘To you, my beautiful love on no special occasion at all.’

‘To you, my sexy babe. Just being here with you is reason enough.’ Tara replied, raising her glass to meet Willow’s gesture.

‘To us.’

‘To us’

After sipping the wine they leaned forwards into a kiss that was finally only interrupted by bell of the oven timer.

--------

Satisfied long before reaching the desert, Willow and Tara eyed it warily as if the Pavlova were going to leap up and force itself down their throats – which on a Hellmouth was absolutely not impossible, though definitely at the very unlikely end of the spectrum of mystical events. Probably not requiring slayer attention to deal with.

At the start of the meal they had sat facing each other along the length of the family size dinner table that had always struck Willow as superfluous in a household in which it was rare that even the three members sat down together. It had seemed a long way between them and defeated the object of the evening to celebrate their togetherness by facing each other across eight feet of wood. No matter how highly polished. After the salad starter Willow had returned to the table to find the placemats moved along to the centre of the long oval table, next to each other. Tara had not said a word and Willow had said nothing of the move either. It was just the right thing from them to do.

The Pavlova was between them now. It was not going to move - hopefully. Neither of them wanted to spoil the evening with feeling bloated and sick just to get the value out of a couple of dollars purchase. Xander would make a meal of it, or at least a snack, if it was delivered to him, so by unspoken resolve the desert was left untouched.

‘That was all so perfect’ Willow almost purred contented.

‘And the evening is not over yet…at least I hope not.’ Tara replied, continuing ‘Will you dance with me? I mean a close, slow dance?’

‘I’m not a great dancer Tara, besides who leads?’ Now there was a question that would have been loaded if it had come from a third party. Between them however…

‘I just want to hold you and move to the music. I’ve never danced that way. I want to… with you. I always felt silly – dancing. If you do. Will you?’ Tara asked in a tone that made Willow’s heart melt.

Willow placed a hand on Tara’s knee, ran it up her leg and then connected to her arm and caressed the bare skin there.

‘I think that is a yes?’ Tara asked.

‘Yes… we can feel silly together. Will you think about something for me though?’ Willow asked, hesitating to raise the issue.

‘Anything.’

‘You may not think that when you hear what I have to say love. Will you come back…to this house? And let me introduce you to my parents?’ Willow asked prepared for a rejection. ‘If you don’t want to it’s ok…but…’

‘Yes.’ Tara said quietly as Willow continued.

‘But I think that they will like you…as much as they like anyone… I bring back. They are pretty detached from my friends. Getting the names wrong. Generally being the most embarrassing that they can be. The way that parents are. But even if they never ask, I think they should know… that I’m happy. And I want them to know that the reason that I am happy is that I am with you.’ Willow carried on, not realising Tara had needed no reasoning or persuading.

‘Yes’ Tara repeated, willing at last to think about making plans beyond the next few weeks.

‘You will? Just like that?’ Willow leaned in and kissed Tara’s cheek tenderly. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anything for you…now dance with me.’ She made rather a better job of sounding husky than Willow had, and went and changed the CD to something slower and more romantic and stood waiting for Willow who got up and slowly made her way to Tara, already sashaying, embarrassed, to the gentle rhythm at which Tara had to smile and held her arms out in an invitation that Willow gladly accepted. On your own it was just silly. In each other’s arms it was love.

It was obvious to each that the other knew no formal dancing, but that wasn't what this was about anyway. And so it was as it had been advertised, moving with the music, held close against each other, looking occasionally into each other’s expressive faces and eyes.

How long they held that clasp neither realised it was another of those timeless moments that seemed to creep up on them so often, though the music was well into repeating itself before either determined to change a thing. By now they were virtually one being, so close, so synchronised, moving as one to the slow steady music. Easier than dealing with the floating rose… and much more tactile. Who needed witchcraft to be as one? Occasionally one or the other would rest her head on the others shoulder, or finding themselves meeting eyes at the same time would sink into a long lingering kiss whilst still moving. It was during one of these moments that Willow finally decided to carry things a little further, making the kiss more urgent and passionate, placing her gently hand on Tara’s cheek to ensure that the other would not abandon her mouth. Some chance of that anyway, she guessed.

And she would have been right.

Tara knew what was on Willow’s mind, what she desired. Personally she would have waited until a little later – enjoyed this for just a little bit longer… but she couldn’t be sure that, maybe, her hesitancy was more due to a fear of further intimacy in someone else’s home. Spurred though by the passion that flooded through her from Willow Tara responded, dropping her hands down from their position on Willow’s shoulders to snake around her lower back and pull the redheaded woman closer, deeper into the shared embrace.

Willow moved her hand into Tara’s hair, entwined in the long tresses and pulling the blonde capped head further into her kiss, just as her body was being pulled towards Tara. That other hand roamed freely from Tara’s other cheek, to her shoulders and down lower, running her hand over fabric almost as soft as she knew the flesh beneath it to be.

Sinking into the moment Tara dropped a hand to Willow’s rear, stroking there, through the dress, aware that with a couple of twitches of her fingers that hemline would rise to bunch in her hands, exposing Willow to her caresses, she did so, raising the hem of the dress expecting to come into contact with Willow’s underwear but shocked to find nothing between her hands and the flesh. Strangely something she had never considered – but would no doubt plague her dreams now for months to come - it seemed deliciously daring for her love to be so attired…or rather un-attired… a little bit dirty even. Breaking from the kiss for a second she breathed her desire filled condemnation at Willow ‘You hussy.’

‘I didn’t think you’d mind.’ Willow smiled knowingly ‘Not when it’s just us. Besides there was the sand factor to consider. Like eww. Not nice.’

Tara responded only by taking over the kiss and resolving to give Willow something else that was nice, attaching her mouth to the other woman’s desiring only to give and receive pleasure and feeling the effects within her own body already as she sent her hands roaming over Willow’s bare flesh and eventually sent a hand between their bodies, again raising the dress, held back by her wrist as she ran a hand over Willow’s belly and kept heading south into the lush growth in the valley of her thighs eventually bringing her hand to what was, right now at least, the centre of Willow’s consciousness and felt rather than heard the low groan that resonated from Willow’s chest, up through her throat and through their connection as her hand probed those most intimate folds of flesh.

Fighting to control her own motions, Tara strained to keep her movements on Willow’s body slow and deliberate rather than as feverish and excited as she felt she needed to be for her own desires. Willow’s reaction was start her own movements against those fingers. Welcoming them, welcoming the palm, the whole hand.

Willow was almost desperate for more…was about to break their kiss once more to ask Tara, to beg her, to give her what she needed now but the other young woman was as experienced now with her love’s bodily desires and needs as she was with the her own and no stranger to the geography of Willow either. This would be pure pleasure and they would talk again afterwards as Tara took her place, curled up in Willow’s arms, satisfied with her nights work.

And so Willow was brought to her shuddering peak, by another woman, stood on her parents expensive rug, naked beneath her dress with her intimate flesh caressed by that woman’s fingers. There was, she would reflect later, a deliciously dirty aspect to it all that had been lacking before.

As she milked Tara’s fingers of every last drop of satisfaction Willow knew that it could not end now, that she would not let it. Both she and Tara had always been more than happy to provide pleasure for the other when they became intimately involved but they had always valued the cuddles and the kissing and the post-pleasure intimacy more than the sexual activity itself… but not this night. Tara had declared that tonight was special and Willow intended to make sure it was as special as it could be for them both.

‘Thank you lover…’ Willow said quietly before kissing Tara once more.

They were still stood there, still swaying to a beat – but no longer the music’s they were only shocked out of their revelry by the end of the disc once more. Tara kissed Willow again, but this time less with passion than an intensity borne of love, an invitation to retire to that small bed that Willow had occupied throughout her life in this house. Assuming this would be accepted Tara dropped her hand and took Willow’s and started to lead her from the room.

Willow though had other ideas. Tara was allowed to lead her to the couch and then she stopped dead in her tracks, allowing their linked arms to extend, but maintaining her position. Tara turned to her questioningly. Willow smiled…it wasn’t over yet. ‘Sit down.’ Seeing Tara hesitate, no doubt just wanting to snuggle up to her. ‘Please… for me.’

‘How can I refuse when you ask like that then?’ Tara enquired of her goddess and sat where was indicated, knowing that Willow was about to make love to her…somehow. The only question being how exactly this wonderful, beautiful, woman would choose to pleasure her. Really she didn’t care… it was Willow.

Willow sank to her knees, ‘I am still hungry,’ she said, voice full of mischief.

Well that answers that question then, Tara thought to herself, not at all disappointed as Willow manipulated the long flowing dress and the tailored split to reveal Tara’s pale legs. Oddly then, seeing her limbs exposed Tara’s mind wandered from the moment and she realised that perhaps, now she was no longer hiding away and there was someone to see it, that it was perhaps time to do something about a bit of sun. Just a little. Her mind snapped back though when Willow sent a hand to the small of her back, encouraging her to scoot forwards in the seat…which she did, allowing Willow to raise the dress to the point where her underwear was exposed to scrutiny…. and removal. Though Willow made no move to the latter just yet instead planting tiny kisses along the inside of Tara’s legs, from ankle to knee and ever upwards to her inner thighs. The kisses were maddening her, promising so much but never quite delivering on that promise and now accompanied by feather light caresses of those long flanks. Eventually Tara could not withstand it, had to ask…beg Willow to deliver… ‘Honey-’ She was cut off by a swiftly raised finger and a shoosh from the beautiful woman crouched between her wantonly spread thighs. Obedient once more Tara silenced herself, content that Willow would freely give everything that she needed when she believed that her love was ready…and by the goddess was she ready…

Willow finally reached forward for Tara’s underwear, delighting in the sight and reluctant to remove them except in promise of what lay beneath and with the removal of that piece of material Tara was exposed to her, vulnerable and utterly trusting in that vulnerability. And as Willow leaned forward to nuzzle that intimate flesh they were both aware that this physical affection was the very least important thing they had done in a memorable day.

Even if it was more fun than a Frisbee.

--------

Eventually though they made it to a bed and neither of them could manage anything other than the slight caresses that usually soothed them into sleep. That and the comfort of mutual ensnugglement. Tara had to ask though. ‘So have you been reading books again sweetie?’

‘What do you mean?’ Willow asked, not sure what, specifically, Tara was referring to.

‘What you did with your hand… to me… For me.’

‘No baby, that’s all my own work, and it wasn't just for you.’ Willow confirmed smug and more than a little proud of herself.

‘Oooh, well done then.’ Tara meant that and smiled. ‘What do you call it?’

‘Umm - Willowhand.’

‘You may have to show me that again sometime.’

‘Okay.’

----------
Endnote: Okay so I didn’t give you the specifics behind Willowhand. Use your imagination.


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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 31, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 05, 2001).]

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:17               
I was right. It's about love and it's incredibly special. Gentle smiles and warm fuzzies all round.


Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus.
(Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.)

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emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:42               
Well,says us...
Nothing wrong with that...

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vive,valeque.

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KittyKo
Willowhand


Posts: 351
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:45               
wow! wonderfull! amazing...

[This message has been edited by KittyKo (edited October 31, 2001).]

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kpmuse
Willowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 31, 2001 19:54               
The thought of Willow running around the kitchen in just a tshirt..... well, shiver me timbers!
Katharyn, you are magnificent! (gosh, I hope that's not too forward)

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kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

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delany
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 23:15               
probably sounding like a parrot on a pirate, but WOW/
that was incredibly sensual. that was very much so what iconcider to be a LOVE scene. simply beautiful, and definitly a highlight of the fic so far. thanks!

del.

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legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 09:29               
Okay, Let me be the first to say WOW!! Oh...I see everyone above me has also used that word. Damn! Well, I'll just start again.

Okay, Let me be the first to say what a tremendously enjoyable chapter that was! I was hanging onto every word you wrote, and couldn't get to the next one fast enough! It was truly a joy to read!

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!

*end of sucking up and butt kissing - though, I'm sure you enjoyed it *

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Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 12:10            
Oh My! oh Wow!

That bath scene was just so sweet and cute and sexy and ....

Edited to add - Willow can cook in my kitchen in a t-shirt anytime - and what could be on the menu - Willowhand perhaps!

(oohps naughty Bunny)

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FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

[This message has been edited by Bunny (edited November 01, 2001).]

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 01, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!


Just to answer your questions legend, before I start kissing some butt myself!

1) The introduction of Tara to the Rosenbergs will not occur within the Beginning Cycle - it is mentioned in the fic purely to show that Tara is looking beyond her birthday and making plans BUT...

2) Though "Family" is the conclusion of The Beginning Cycle the idea will continue in the same manner at a later date in another cycle. As a working title this is called "The Middle Bit." There already exists a Tara meets the Rosenbergs fic,though I am not happpy with Sheila, hence holding it back (I don't have time to fix it or space in the canon timeline I am working to.) Work on this new cycle is gradually proceeding as and when a story comes to me or I revisit an episode. However there is next to no chance that this will appear before I have seen at least the first half of S6 (guesstimate March-ish though the S5 stuff should appear pretty quick as it willbe largely ready and just need tweaking. Really I will just be in search of a theme) Sorry for the delay! However I learnt my lesson with this monster. I have been chasing my tail for 6 months now writing this - mainly because I did not have enough down when I started (at least not in a usable sequence.) Also when I started I had no idea where I was going (not having seen S5.) Hence wanting to see S6 this time. And being as I seem to be attached to angst the end of S5 should keep me going until S6 which (from the rumours I try desperately to avoid - don't tell me!) also looks to be heading for angst. There will be more from me on this for certain but not in this cycle and not soon. Also (in the far future) there is a desire to do a "future fic." Maybe not to the same lengthy extent though. Depends on the events of S6 again... *hoping and praying*

3) As for withdrawl symptoms... I know all about that. Feedback is what I want and what I need. That is why the Sidestep series of stories (all in an Alt Universe) is being developed already and some of that is written and almost ready to go. But again I need to get some more of that done before I start to post it as a contingency against real life having an effect. There is also a possibility that some of that will be a collaboration. But only a possibility at this point (eh? K.) If that happens then I need to wait for the other person to be ready and willing too. It will appear before "The Middle Bit" however. (See Part 28 & 29 for an idea of what that is about.) Don't worry I will not actually call it "The Middle Bit!"

4) You kiss butt magnificently.

5) There are a few parts left yet though. Part 40 is set after Out of My Mind. Part 41 starts the Family bit off. I plan on ending in Part 46 or 47 as Family is broken down (as New Moon Rising was) into 4 parts directly linked to the episode (or maybe 3 if they are not long enough) with 3 more parts dealing with the aftermath.

6) As for having a life... I am told that I have one. I have a job. I have someone to hold - this week at least - and I cannot decide whether her being away working so much is a good or bad thing. Nope it is bad for me and good for you lot that seem to like this!

Gods that rambled a bit. Thankyou all for your support on this last part. I always have reservation about fic like that. You can never be sure what the readers will think. More smut,less smut? I went for less and I think that it (hope that it) gives more an impression of love and a future than a sex emphasised one would. But nonetheless it is smut. Now I am off out for my birthday. I shall not reveal my age and pretend I am in Buffyland and just 21.

Birthday update: It is chucking it down and the taxi has gone awol. GRRR. On my way now...

Katharyn

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She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

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Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 17:18            
Happy Birthday Katharyn

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FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

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legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 20:44               
Thanks for the reply - Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 02, 2001 01:29               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:
Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future


You got me all enthusiastic for it now. Just officially named "The Middle Bit" folder, I can sense a vast order of fiction with repetitive strain injury on the side on the horizon!

Thanks for all the birthday greetings... now never mention it again*S* Besides for me it was now yesterday another 364 days to go WOOHOO!

Katharyn

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She's my always

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Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 03, 2001 06:04               
I'm in a little internet cafe in the wilds of Woodford drinking hot chocolate and feeling in a particularly silly mood. I was going to send an enigmatic email but I decided this would be more fun.

YES. Just that. YES. If it needs elaboration I'll add that we (note the use of the plural pronoun as opposed to the royal definative) can do this - it's a good idea and it deserves to be done. I can dig pits as well as climb in and out all by myself.


Credo draconae, hominis bonum, et alius animalis phantasia.
(I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.)

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posted October 31, 2001 13:54                Okay I am nervous about this one… but here goes…

I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS READ THE NOTE BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE STORY.

A large portion of this story is based around sexual activity, which I am always slightly dubious of posting. After a point that is all there is to it. It is not something I tend to dwell on in my writing but this is the story behind the lovely and dirty look (in my humble opinion) that Tara gives Willow during “Out of My Mind” – Willowhand specifically – though without getting too graphically into the detail - at the end it is left to your imagination. I hope that a reader will find it nice rather than titillating, sweet rather than in any way pornographic and something more than purely sexy. That said it is more than a touch explicit. If you do not wish to read about, mainly implied, consensual sex between two women who are deeply, madly in love stop now. Once again there will be a “fade out” version available via e-mail for anyone who wants the limited plot stuff without (too much) of the sexy stuff. Last time no one asked but (much later on) there was a derogatory and nasty flame. If you know that you aren’t going to like this based on the subject alone then please exercise the ultimate censorship and do not read it. If you didn’t like Burning Bright (Part 21) then again do not read this, just come back for Part 40 – you are not missing too much plot here.

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE:
- LIKELY TO BE BOTHERED OR OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL
- IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE READING IT IN YOUR JURISDICTION
- UNSURE ABOUT EITHER OF THE ABOVE

Should any of the mod’s object to the content I will of course edit as required to fit within the board though I believe this to be less explicit than other recent fics that seem to have passed okay.

Also if you are likely to fall off your chair do not read it in work. It’s embarrassing to do that.

And with the warnings to “Willowhand.”

Katharyn
-----------------

Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Hands on Loving (Part 39)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Keep it constructive. If you do feel the need to strongly object please send it to my e-mail.
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and not quiet including “Out of My Mind.”
Summary: Tara, decides to have an anniversary – on no particular date. Set the night before the Willowhand scene in Out of My Mind, a possible suggestion of what that means to them – or at least where it came from.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the Production Company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: NC-17 – Sorry there is no way around it this time. See the above warning.
Couples: W/T – who else?
Notes: By the way, I have no idea if there is anything in the world called “Chapswort”…but it sure as heck doesn’t have the effect as described in this story so don’t even bother looking for it. Also as described “Chapswort” is very definitely a spell ingredient not any form of drug, the use of which is not condoned in any way by this story or it’s writer.
Thanks To: My chief research assistant. And dear Kerry who’s reassurances arrived just in time for me to give this one the go-ahead.


The Beginnings Cycle

Hands on Loving

By

Katharyn Rosser

This was the way that it should always be. A perfect day… together. A long morning in bed snuggled together under a warm duvet. A walk on the sand, a picnic, a little spell on a secluded part of the beach. Fun with Frisbees in a sort of “can’t catch it but it’s fun to throw way.” Until a dog ran off with it, but even that had been kind of funny. Of course sand got everywhere but you couldn’t let that spoil things. This was the way it should always be. Despite the irritation factor.

It couldn’t be of course. ‘You couldn’t have a perfect day every day, otherwise it wouldn’t seem special when you did have one, it would just be a normal. And though a normal day like that would be good, what would you have to do to make it feel special again, you know?’ So Willow had argued and Tara had agreed with her. The same logic seemed to suggest that a bad day might make the good one’s even better but that wasn’t a theory that they cared to test. They’d had their bad day, Willow had thought looking back, and actually it had brought them to far better ones. Just keep those coming.

Tara had agreed with her lover on that too, she thought now that there could be more of them, many more. Finally what had been her fate, her destiny, seemed like no more than a suggestion. It wasn't true any longer that she had to go. If she could just hide what she was then she could stay. Her actions would not betray her. She knew that it wasn’t evil – the magic. The demon wasn't evil either or if it was, well she could control that. Her mother always had – Tara had never seen a hint of it, only the magic – and her love. How blind had she been to miss that all these years?

She, her mother, had been able to love. Nothing had stopped that. Not magic, not demons, not evil. Nothing. Tara had known she was loved, had never seen the evil. So why had she always accepted what she was told? That it was there? That it would take her? And if that was true and she could ask those questions about her mother then Tara knew she could do the same. Be the same. She could stay with her Willow. All she had to do was hide what she was. Somehow. They, the scoobies, might not like having a demon in their midst, but Willow… She had never lied to Willow about that. She had never said, “I am human.” But then you didn’t need to did you? It was sort of a given – even at a Hellmouth – that you were wholly human when you appeared to be. Well no maybe not actually. But the point still stood.

This was not the time for that though. Not tonight of all nights. Tara had decided in the aftermath of that dream, the one that Willow told her had caused her to wake screaming, that it was time to have an anniversary. What was in the dream she had no clue of anymore. But whatever it was it had cleared her mind. Clarity was a beautiful thing – especially when you didn’t even realise that you were confused. Almost as beautiful as her love and almost as important. They had missed celebrating six months, probably through scoobyage and despite her recent decision there was still the remote chance that they would never make twelve either. She slapped the gag on that part of her brain once more This day would not be spoiled. Not when she had her clarity and her Willow.

‘Can I use the shower or the bath? I’m all sandy.’ Tara asked, emptying her shoes on the doorstep. Never having been in Willow’s childhood home before she was a little nervous. Mr and Mrs Rosenberg were absent, visiting yet more members of the widespread Rosenberg clan. Willow had suggested their house as a venue for tonight’s celebration – it had the virtue of a kitchen that you could create in – rather than simply feed yourself with waffles and pancakes. Occasionally in the dorm you could boil an egg too, but they had bigger, more complex, culinary plans tonight.

‘Of course you can.’ Willow replied wanting Tara to feel at home, but doubting that she would anymore than she would with the Maclay family. Whom she had still never met… she had to admit she was curious about the people who had shaped this wonderful woman. Wonderfully shaped woman. She smiled at her own mental joke.

‘What?’ Tara asked her.

‘Nothing… just a little mental babble sweetums.’

Tara smiled. ‘Don’t call me sweetums.’

‘Okay babycakes…’

Tara looked at her and Willow cracked up.

‘And I think you could use one too’ Tara suggested to her.

Willow took that as an invitation. Maybe even a command. Which was a good thing. Still it was also true that, after being half buried in sand – which seemed a lot more fun in theory than it was in practice, that she needed to get washed down. It had probably been more fun for Tara who had delighted in tickling her exposed feet and nose with a feather that she had found.

‘A bath I mean, a long hot soak with a few herbs. It’ll help shift some of that sand.’ Tara suggested realising that she may have gone a little too far with the burial thing. Every step Willow had taken after getting up had seen another flurry of sand, and every few steps another gripe. Besides Willow hated to have the underside of her feet tickled.

‘And if I don’t?’ Willow asked having no intention of refusing anyway.

‘Then you’ll just have to suffer the chafing, scratching and itching.’ Tara smiled with mock sympathy and a definite dirty mind. ‘Have we got everything we need for tonight?’

‘We checked that twice already. Everything is present and correct sah!’ Willow reassured her, saw her face and added ‘I mean we have got everything. I was just doing a sort of Riley impression.’

‘It was very good,’ Tara told her.

‘No… it was just embarrassing.’ The ingredients for their anniversary meal were filling the fridge. More than they would ever eat. Xander and Buffy would be eating their leftovers for a few days. Dawn would probably help out too. Scraps always seemed more fun when they were someone else’s.

‘I just want this to be a perfect night. For us.’ Tara replied.

‘It will be love. Nothing is going to spoil it. Now go and run me a bath. I can’t move without dropping sand and I don’t want to get it in the food either. Third door on the left in the hall.’ Willow smiled contently to herself as Tara left to her bidding, then winced as her skin scraped against more sandy residue as she shifted.

Willow wasn’t certain what exactly they were celebrating but Tara had been all over her in the last two days – seemingly since that dream. She had said it was a celebration of their love. One they had missed at six months. She was no more sure than Tara where that one had gone. It seemed an age since they had met and since they had made the connection that first night in the laundry room and, Willow had to admit, it had all started there. Had probably been inevitable from that point on. Her historiography lecturer would no doubt tell her that nothing was inevitable. But this seemed to have been. The early period filled with doubts, dancing around issues rather than each other but always heading towards one conclusion. Willow sighed, closed her eyes and sat back in the easily wiped down kitchen chair, feeling sand tinkle onto her toes as she relaxed and thinking of all that had gone before. All that might follow. Starting tonight – perhaps they were celebrating the end of their beginning. It was a shame that they were not living together… it seemed fitting and it had, once upon a time, seemed like an option but one that had faded away without discussion. Neither of them had pursued it. Why had that been?

Not that she could remember two consecutive nights where they had not shared a bed anyway. Whose bed didn’t matter, but they were together. That was what mattered and in a dorm, the other practicalities of living together didn’t matter so much. What else was there to share that they weren’t already… their lives, their fears, their secrets and their love. Not a lot more than those.

Tara found her there, minutes later, slumped and spread-eagled in the pine chair a beatific smile fixed to her love’s lips. She simply stood watching her for a minute, more perhaps, thinking similar thoughts to those running through Willow’s mind. Then finally ‘Honey…your bath is getting cold.’

Willow, not unaffected by her thoughts opened her eyes, and found Tara already looking into them as was her habit. It had taken so long for Tara to do that, regularly. To find the confidence to just share even a gaze. Something else to celebrate. My love’s confidence, Willow thought. She wasn't conceited enough to think that she had done anything other than let the real Tara emerge but it was nice to realise how far she, they, had come from where they were. Tara wasn’t the only one to have changed. ‘Help me?’ It was expressed as a sultry invitation more than a question. And not at all a command.

‘Here?’ Tara asked, slightly shocked. The way Willow had always talked of her parents she had doubted that they would dare do more than kiss and hold each other here tonight – and wasn’t really sure if she was comfortable with any more than that herself. But to bathe Willow which, inevitably would lead to fun and hi-jinks. In an actual bath. Mmmmn. Practicality and doubts were taking a back seat already in her mind - to the possibilities.

‘They’re away until next week – and I spoke to them in St Louis this morning. They aren’t suddenly going to suddenly like turn up and demand to know what you are doing in their house. With their daughter. I promise.’ Willow was sure. Had made very, very sure and probably aroused Sheila’s suspicions with her probing questions. ‘Help me.’ It was not a question or an invitation this time. It was a requirement. Perhaps that was what Tara needed to overcome her reticence.

Tara held out her hand, took Willow’s in her own, felt sympathy with her love as Willow carefully manoeuvred herself out of the chair and got slowly to her feet with another cascade of sand. Where was it all coming from? Was it magic? Message to self – no more mock burials.

They made their way slowly to the bathroom, Willow leading Tara by the hand, observing with approval the steaming freestanding bath of water, smelling the promised mixture of herbs, oils and other ingredients and identifying several of them by scent realised that they were not all strictly medicinal or freshening. ‘Chapswort?’ She asked in a mock incredulous tone. She knew of course that Tara had some – after all she had given it to her – but that had been months ago. She had thought that it was either used, which had seemed a little selfish, or hidden away for a special occasion.

Which this seemed to be at Tara’s whim. What a whim it was.

‘I-I well, I wanted you…refreshed.’ Tara admitted to her, that cute shy smile on her lips, feeling guilty. For all her protests in the kitchen, by adding that ingredient to the mix she had pretty much signalled her intent anyway.

Refreshed is not exactly what was advertised on the label young lady.’ Willow smiled at Tara’s guilty blushes. ‘Are you sure that it is suitable for bathing? I wouldn’t want to get dry skin.’ She smiled. She hoped the implication was clear… have you tried it love? She liked to think that Tara hadn’t used it all for her. There was a little nod in return. ‘Undress me?’

Standing behind her Tara coaxed Willow’s arms upwards and drew the t-shirt up over her head and when those arms wearily fell to Willow’s sides Tara could not resist running her hands up their curves, barely touching the rounding the shoulders and back down the nearly nude back from neck to base of the spine. Willow shivered.

‘Cold?’ Tara checked, looking at the steaming water.

‘No’ replied Willow, ‘but you would warm me up if I was wouldn’t you? That’s what you do, make me feel better.’

‘Always love,’ Tara assured her and rounded Willow, allowing the shorts to fall to the floor in a sandy heap. She hoped that the Rosenberg’s had a dust buster to deal with this beach that they had brought back with them… or there was going to be a lot of time on her hands and knees cleaning up. Course being on your knees wasn't so bad.

Tara took the opportunity to kneel and remove Willow’s underwear. Then stood, kissed her love on the cheek and reached around behind her as their chests met to undo the last article of concealing clothing on the red haired woman.

Standing back from Willow then Tara could see that the other was sprinkled with sand, a fragment of seaweed in her hair. Funny how she had not noticed that before. She plucked it out. ‘You’re a mess honey’ Tara admonished referring to the patches of sand that clung to a sweaty body and showing her the seaweed.

‘And I thought I was a siren… luring you to me.’

‘Oh you do, but you’re a mess too. A messy siren.’

‘Clean me up?’ Willow asked Tara for the favour, knowing that asking was totally unnecessary.

Tara didn’t even bother to respond and just helped Willow into the bath she had probably been washed in as a baby. Goddess, that was kind of weird to think about. Sometimes she wished that she had known Willow that long. Like Xander. But then, like Xander, they might just have been best friends. Instead of what they were.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Willow asked, seeing Tara go absent without leave for a minute.

‘What we are.’

‘Naked, madly in love lesbians covered in sand?’ Willow suggested.

‘I’m not naked.’

‘Give me time.’ The grin on Willow’s face was full of promise. And for that she gave Willow her time, allowing her to settle back into the water, so deep that only the swell of her chest broke the surface apart from her neck and face. Now this was a bath. Not for the Rosenberg’s the cramped shallow plastic mouldings that existed in most modern houses where the water barely came halfway up you without washing out of the overflow.

You could have fun in a bath like this.

They intended to so that was all right.

Willow though was lost in that ecstatic moment she felt whenever she slipped into a hot bath – the moment though stretched and lingered, became more intense. She smiled eyes closed. Chapswort going to work immediately. Deep within her a familiar spring started to bubble. Opening her eyes she was surprised to see, and feel, the tips of her breasts become taut and distended, breaking the surface as she watched without making another movement in the now stilled water.

Tara too was surprised. It was one thing to lose yourself in the effect of Chapswort, it was another to watch the face of another person feeling that. Very… nice. An unadvertised benefit.

Willow, feeling the full effect of submerging herself in the water, tried to sound sexy and husky as she breathed ‘Wash me woman.’ Though she felt sexy her voice betrayed her and she knew it sounded vaguely ridiculous – like Darth Vader on helium more than likely. She wasn’t good at husky, but she guessed that Tara would get the idea.

Tara gave a gentle laugh, knelt beside the bath and picked up the facecloth and soaked it, then gently reached forward to wipe Willow’s face and brow. ‘Soak your hair love’ she said and watched as Willow slipped down, taking her head and face into the water. Tara though could feel a tingle start in her hands and connect through her body with her chest, downwards, pooling between her thighs. Just the start of desire – and just from dipping her hands in that specially treated water. It was, however, more than the start of desire that she felt as Willow, sinking down was forced, by the length of the bath, to thrust her pelvis upwards, just breaking the surface with her pubis darkened to almost a rich brown by the water. Later for that thought Tara as Willow re-emerged. She reached out once more and slicked back Willow’s hair from her face.

As Tara stroked her hair back, Willow followed that hand with her head, trying to bring it back into contact with her cheek as it started to withdraw, like a cat rubbing up against a favoured person, Miss Kitty though had never seemed as desperate as Willow did now. Tara responded and left her hand on that cheek for a moment or so, gently and tenderly moving her fingers across the damp soft flesh, responding to Willow’s need to be stroked there.

‘Come on love. Time for you to get cleaned up.’ Willow almost whimpered as Tara removed her hand, picking up the shampoo bottle and building up a lather in her hands proceeded to rub it into Willow’s fiery mane, probing insistently at her scalp with her finger tips in a powerful massage against semi-magically sensitised flesh, making sweeping moves to sculpt the hair into shampoo held curves around Willow’s head then when fully lathered in pushing gently but insistently on Willow’s head, guiding her head back into the water to wash away the shampoo which dispersed in a film across the water, clinging to anything it met, the edge of the bath, Willow’s flesh, Tara’s own hands.

As Willow rose from the water once more, Tara again slicked back her hair and then took the soap to start work on Willow’s body. Wherever Tara’s hands went they were eagerly anticipated and received by Willow, a hand raising to meet her touch as the Tara gave a soapy massage to Willow’s fingers and palms. Working her way from wrist down fingers, giving each joint and tiny muscle it’s due. Up the arms, left then right, teasing and easing the ache caused by excess of Frisbee fun. As Willow had said, it was amazing that you could fight for your life and never use muscles stressed by throwing a plastic disk. When each arm was raised Tara’s cleansing hands journeyed to the tops of each, cleaning the shoulder and underneath into the arm pit and both wanted further exploration of the swell of Willow’s breasts that was so tantalisingly close when she was there, yet Tara resisted and proceeded to the neck and shoulder blades.

‘Lean forward sweetie’ Tara instructed moving to do Willow’s back, exposed as she obeyed.

Willow sat up and pressing her rapidly swelling breasts against the backs of her legs, she clutched her thighs to hold herself forward and to stop herself from grabbing Tara and pulling her in here too, clothes and all.

Unaware of that threat, Tara gently soaped the proffered area carried on down under the water level to the point where back ended and the spread of Willow’s buttocks began and just for a second left a finger there in the upper reaches before withdrawing and tracing a line up the spine to the base of the neck, causing Willow to shiver in spite of the steam filled air, the descending again to lift the warm water up, letting it flow down the curved expanse to wash the soap away. Though finished with washing there Tara maintained her position behind Willow to rub at her shoulders, Tara could feel the little tension that there was escape up into her hands and from there it descended through Tara’s own body to pool in her chest and between her own thighs. Tension, like energy it seemed, was neither created nor destroyed it was just transferred from one form to another.

I bet Einstein didn’t have that in mind with E=MC Squared. Maybe she should check with Willow, but she was almost certain that was not the basis of the theory.

Possibly a little too much Chapswort she was forced to conclude as without conscious thought her hands rounded Willow’s shoulders to the upper slopes of her breasts still rubbing with some force. It wasn't as if they had ever needed any help before was it?

Willow sighed and leaned back a little into the caress, tipped her head back as Tara took each globe in her hands, manipulating, squeezing. Willow was looking almost straight up now, as Tara leaned over her, into the other’s face. The blonde woman was also flushed. Willow was again tempted then to pull her over into the bath with her, clothed or not, as they always seemed to do in movies…but this is real life she thought to herself. In real life people get hurt doing stuff like that and wet clothes. And water all over the floor. Along with the sand. It’ll be just like the beach. Better not. Instead she concentrated on fighting to control her breathing. With Tara’s hands loving her chest she felt the need to take deep ragged breaths, but the moment was so beautiful, so perfect that she did not want to disturb it just for the minor matter of breathing. Breathing could wait if Tara would just carry on. Instead she tipped her head back and offered her lips in invitation to be kissed from above. A silent suggestion Tara acceded to eagerly.

When Tara released Willow’s chest she heard the groan escape from deep within the other young woman. Felt it transmitted through the shoulders that her hands rested upon, through their connected lips and through Willow’s teeth and her tongue caressed them too. Despite what must have been a conscious knowledge that this was not over Willow’s body had betrayed her disappointment that the moment could not last just a little longer, but the stance was uncomfortable…and by anybody’s estimation Willow’s chest had been more than thoroughly cleansed. Well enough for now anyway. Instead Tara came to the other end of the tub…glad that Willow’s parents had such an old fashioned freestanding bath that allowed that sort of freedom of movement. Though what Ira and Sheila Rosenberg would think of these particular events with their daughter was a matter that worried Tara immensely – especially since Willow had started to mention introducing Tara to them when they returned from St Louis in a couple of weeks time.

Willow was oblivious to Tara’s sudden discomfort…. but the other woman soon forgot those irritating thoughts anyway. Willow felt a hand enter the water at the plughole end, near her feet and almost sank without trace as she reacted to another fiendish tickle there that greeted the arch of her foot. In not quite mock rage she admonished Tara ‘I told you before Maclay…don’t tickle the feet!’

Tara felt she might just have learnt that lesson this time, drenched as she was by the impulsive kick of Willows leg. ‘Lift your leg baby,’ she said quietly, smiling as Willow obeyed her instruction, a shining limb emerging like Excalibur from the lake, toe pointed at her as if accusing and daring Tara to proceed. Tara took that dare, working up another lather and tending to Willow’s limb. Foot, between the toes shifting every stubborn particle of sand, calf and knee. Then the outer thigh and finally the inner thigh.

Willow, her senses heightened by the effect of the Chapswort, sucked in her breath as Tara, leaning far over, finally touched the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh, soaping ever upwards, slowly and deliberately. Held it as Tara moved away again, back down to her knee, then rushing upwards and inwards. And away again. The breath only escaped on the fourth such incident as Tara, moving faster, overshot the mark she had set herself and a fingertip finally touched the more intimate flesh between Willow’s thighs.

And withdrew without fulfilling the promise seemingly offered.

The process was repeated with the other lower limb – and though it was without the same sense of anticipation as this time Willow knew what was coming she could not appreciate it any the less. She was flexing her body to try and bring the welcome fingers into sooner and greater contact with her intimate parts. Tara though played the tease and resisted the very real temptation to caress her love then though. It was a struggle not to succumb, to give Willow what she wanted. That was always hard to resist. Willow had been right before. Whatever her love needed she would try to provide. It was just that sometimes it was better to make her wait. Just a little.

Even in her brief disappointment Willow revelled in the conflict playing across Tara’s face. Seeing her love caught between fulfilling a building desire that was obviously equal to that she was inspiring and a duty to simply cleanse and allow them to move on to the meal - with a promise of later fulfilment and joy. Willow could not remain disappointed and guessed that she would not have cause to.

Tara allowed Willow’s leg to sink back into the slowly cooling waters and came again to kneel at the side of the bath. Placed her hands in the water in front of her and allowed Willow to lay back, running her hands along the flanks and front of the bathing beauty, caressing briefly her chest once more, and later again, and again…in between moving to the abdomen and lower to the belly. Washing once more between excursions those peeking tips. And then withdrew and went for a towel, offering it for Willow to step into.

‘You missed a bit.’ Willow admonished her love, knowing that Tara would know what she meant.

Without protest Tara returned to her place at Willow’s side and gave the indicated region a thorough clean. ‘I’m sure you could have done this yourself’ Tara smiled wickedly.

Willow was almost shocked by that joke, never having heard such blatantly sexual humour from Tara. ‘Not with…ahh…your delicacy love. And besides it is your fault that the sand got to those new and interesting places...’ She tried to relax under the ministrations and found that it was impossible as Tara took her duties seriously. ‘Though,’ Willow said, ‘I am not sure that it got quite… mmmn… that far.’

‘Best to be safe rather than sorry,’ Tara told her, not even bothering to threaten stopping just yet.

‘And I am not so sorry now that you buried me…’ Willow told her a minute or so later after a certain point had been passed. ‘Though I am still mad about the tickling.’

‘Get out, you’ll wrinkle like a prune.’ Tara finally withdrew her hands from Willow’s body and stood holding the towel again. Reluctantly Willow obeyed aware that they had greater plans than just this for the evening. Standing, water running in rivers across smooth skin Willow awaited the warm towel which Tara used upon her, drying her as one would a small child – at least until she came to certain focal areas to which she again paid close attention, the rough towelling a delicious counterpoint to the previous silken touch.

With the bath vacated Tara began to strip off her own clothing, damp from the steam and the spray of water that Willow had sent in her direction. Willow immediately ran her another tub of water, prepared to offer her love the same services that she had received but Tara dismissed her.

‘But…bath time Tara… waterborne slippery fun. Your turn… My turn!’ Willow protested desperate to experience it from the other side of the tub.

‘Just a quick dip sweetie, not playtime. We have a meal to cook, remember? I think you should go start it umm?’ Tara suggested. ‘Otherwise it’ll be late when we get to eat.’ Her stomach growled as she climbed into the tub, feeling the sandy residue from the previous occupant sharp beneath her flesh as she sat down in the hot water.

‘Okay, that’s alright. I’ll go and cook you your dinner. Don’t you worry about it.’ Willow joked, hearing the hint and acquiescing as she departed the room with Tara laying back in the bath. She was reluctant to leave now, but Tara was right. They could fool around anytime, well anytime they could find a bath. This was a special night.

She added that feature to the dream home that she intended to share with the soaking woman one day, a big bathroom with a big, deep tub and plenty of access. Mmmmn. A definite requirement. So she had the bedroom and the bathroom planned. They might have fun planning the rest of the home too. They had plenty of time after all.

----------

Despite promising a quick dip it was nearly half an hour later that Tara emerged from the bathroom to find Willow hard at work in her parent’s kitchen. The table in the dining room was laid, the salad ready, the ingredients for the main course chopped and ready. And Willow running around in just a t-shirt. Tara came over to her and stopped her moving round the kitchen…kissed her firmly on the lips. ‘You’re a wonder.’ She said referring to how much the other had accomplished in that short time as well as her general wonderfulness, which was always worth commenting on.

‘Care to join the nearly-naked chef?’ The cook offered jokingly. She had not wanted to ruin her dress by accidental spillage and had no other clothes here other than those sandy things that Tara was stuffing in the washer.

‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Tara shrugged off the robe she had found on the back of the bathroom door – equally not wanting to stain Mrs Rosenberg’s robe with beetroot or anything else. That might take a little more explaining than they would face when Ira and Sheila were finally told about them. Not only are we an item, Tara could not see herself saying, but I spilled beetroot on your robe whilst preparing a meal for your daughter after ravishing her in your bathroom.

Probably not the best icebreaker there had ever been in the history of human conversation.

And so they were there, preparing food in Willows parent’s kitchen Willow naked but for her long t-shirt, Tara in her underwear. Creating something special together.

--------

When the food was prepared though it was time to dress more appropriately for the occasion, each had been shopping for an outfit, wanting to mark this not very exceptional occasion in their relationship and each was not really all that sure of the dress that they had bought.

Willow emerged first having eschewed her earlier preference for longer dresses she had picked up what could only be described as a little black dress and had she not been here in this house would never dared to wear it… and certainly for no one other than the woman that she loved. With quite a high hemline and a fairly low cut front it was more daring than she would ever usually consider, particularly as the back…well actually the back didn’t exist, simply crisscrossed with supporting spaghetti straps.

Tara on the other hand had gone for what could only be described as a gown, long, as colourful as she usually preferred to be and form fitting it merited her best efforts with both hair and makeup too. But the occasion demanded it – even if there wasn't one. She was in the mood for special.

Laying eyes on each other, seeing the other fidget in the unfamiliar clothing each was blown away by the utter beauty of the other.

‘Oh…’

They simultaneously stared, gaping in admiration at the other and forgetting just what they had been worried about in their own choices.

‘Tara…you look…amazing. A classical beauty,’ Willow finally breathed. ‘I knew you were beautiful…. but I never knew you were so…well beautiful.’ Tara thought about that and decided it was definitely a thumbs up.

Willow started worrying though about just what she had implied…that the other woman was not beautiful in a classic sense everyday. ‘I mean, well you know, that you are…wow.’ She gave up. She knew Tara, that she wouldn’t take what she had said wrong. ‘I have a beautiful girlfriend. Even more beautiful than I knew.’ Willow couldn’t shake the joy that Tara had finally revealed just how classically attractive she could be if she wanted to be on a special occasion… her girl was definitely coming out of her shell and if that was what she looked like out of it then bravo! It wasn’t that she preferred this Tara but it was definitely nice to know it was in there too.

‘Thank you - I think….’ Tara smiled. ‘But have you looked in the mirror Wil?’ Tara replied, her smile turning bashful as she asked. Gushing praise of her beauty was something she was still new to even from this source.

‘You don’t like it? You’re right it makes me look like a slut -’ Willow had grave reservations about the little black dress even in the shop…but something about it had just screamed to her – and living on a Hellmouth meant you listened to your intuition…even if from time to time it led you wrong.

‘No…I mean yes I like it and you could never look like a slut love.’ Tara crossed the living room to hold Willow’s hands in her own. ‘I think that it makes you look… sexy.’ Tara smiled again this time proud. ‘You’re like me. You hide yourself away but that…that dress shows you as the sexy woman I love.’

‘You like it?’

‘Well I couldn’t wear it but on you…mmmn.’ Tara leaned in and kissed Willow’s nose. ‘Good enough to eat.’

‘Maybe later - if your still hungry after dinner’ Willow told her absolutely deadpan.

It took a second for this to sink into Tara’s thoughts and when it did she responded by starting to gently admonish the other. ‘Willow you…you…well you sexy babe.’ Tara laughed unable to help herself.

‘Babe? You never called me “a babe” before…I think I like that too.’ Willow crossed to the sideboard where a bottle of wine stood waiting for their attention. ‘I think we need a toast.’ She poured the wine and brought the glasses over to Tara gave her one and took the other hand in the grasp that they had first had in that laundry room so long again, palms facing and touching, fingers interlaced. ‘To you, my beautiful love on no special occasion at all.’

‘To you, my sexy babe. Just being here with you is reason enough.’ Tara replied, raising her glass to meet Willow’s gesture.

‘To us.’

‘To us’

After sipping the wine they leaned forwards into a kiss that was finally only interrupted by bell of the oven timer.

--------

Satisfied long before reaching the desert, Willow and Tara eyed it warily as if the Pavlova were going to leap up and force itself down their throats – which on a Hellmouth was absolutely not impossible, though definitely at the very unlikely end of the spectrum of mystical events. Probably not requiring slayer attention to deal with.

At the start of the meal they had sat facing each other along the length of the family size dinner table that had always struck Willow as superfluous in a household in which it was rare that even the three members sat down together. It had seemed a long way between them and defeated the object of the evening to celebrate their togetherness by facing each other across eight feet of wood. No matter how highly polished. After the salad starter Willow had returned to the table to find the placemats moved along to the centre of the long oval table, next to each other. Tara had not said a word and Willow had said nothing of the move either. It was just the right thing from them to do.

The Pavlova was between them now. It was not going to move - hopefully. Neither of them wanted to spoil the evening with feeling bloated and sick just to get the value out of a couple of dollars purchase. Xander would make a meal of it, or at least a snack, if it was delivered to him, so by unspoken resolve the desert was left untouched.

‘That was all so perfect’ Willow almost purred contented.

‘And the evening is not over yet…at least I hope not.’ Tara replied, continuing ‘Will you dance with me? I mean a close, slow dance?’

‘I’m not a great dancer Tara, besides who leads?’ Now there was a question that would have been loaded if it had come from a third party. Between them however…

‘I just want to hold you and move to the music. I’ve never danced that way. I want to… with you. I always felt silly – dancing. If you do. Will you?’ Tara asked in a tone that made Willow’s heart melt.

Willow placed a hand on Tara’s knee, ran it up her leg and then connected to her arm and caressed the bare skin there.

‘I think that is a yes?’ Tara asked.

‘Yes… we can feel silly together. Will you think about something for me though?’ Willow asked, hesitating to raise the issue.

‘Anything.’

‘You may not think that when you hear what I have to say love. Will you come back…to this house? And let me introduce you to my parents?’ Willow asked prepared for a rejection. ‘If you don’t want to it’s ok…but…’

‘Yes.’ Tara said quietly as Willow continued.

‘But I think that they will like you…as much as they like anyone… I bring back. They are pretty detached from my friends. Getting the names wrong. Generally being the most embarrassing that they can be. The way that parents are. But even if they never ask, I think they should know… that I’m happy. And I want them to know that the reason that I am happy is that I am with you.’ Willow carried on, not realising Tara had needed no reasoning or persuading.

‘Yes’ Tara repeated, willing at last to think about making plans beyond the next few weeks.

‘You will? Just like that?’ Willow leaned in and kissed Tara’s cheek tenderly. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anything for you…now dance with me.’ She made rather a better job of sounding husky than Willow had, and went and changed the CD to something slower and more romantic and stood waiting for Willow who got up and slowly made her way to Tara, already sashaying, embarrassed, to the gentle rhythm at which Tara had to smile and held her arms out in an invitation that Willow gladly accepted. On your own it was just silly. In each other’s arms it was love.

It was obvious to each that the other knew no formal dancing, but that wasn't what this was about anyway. And so it was as it had been advertised, moving with the music, held close against each other, looking occasionally into each other’s expressive faces and eyes.

How long they held that clasp neither realised it was another of those timeless moments that seemed to creep up on them so often, though the music was well into repeating itself before either determined to change a thing. By now they were virtually one being, so close, so synchronised, moving as one to the slow steady music. Easier than dealing with the floating rose… and much more tactile. Who needed witchcraft to be as one? Occasionally one or the other would rest her head on the others shoulder, or finding themselves meeting eyes at the same time would sink into a long lingering kiss whilst still moving. It was during one of these moments that Willow finally decided to carry things a little further, making the kiss more urgent and passionate, placing her gently hand on Tara’s cheek to ensure that the other would not abandon her mouth. Some chance of that anyway, she guessed.

And she would have been right.

Tara knew what was on Willow’s mind, what she desired. Personally she would have waited until a little later – enjoyed this for just a little bit longer… but she couldn’t be sure that, maybe, her hesitancy was more due to a fear of further intimacy in someone else’s home. Spurred though by the passion that flooded through her from Willow Tara responded, dropping her hands down from their position on Willow’s shoulders to snake around her lower back and pull the redheaded woman closer, deeper into the shared embrace.

Willow moved her hand into Tara’s hair, entwined in the long tresses and pulling the blonde capped head further into her kiss, just as her body was being pulled towards Tara. That other hand roamed freely from Tara’s other cheek, to her shoulders and down lower, running her hand over fabric almost as soft as she knew the flesh beneath it to be.

Sinking into the moment Tara dropped a hand to Willow’s rear, stroking there, through the dress, aware that with a couple of twitches of her fingers that hemline would rise to bunch in her hands, exposing Willow to her caresses, she did so, raising the hem of the dress expecting to come into contact with Willow’s underwear but shocked to find nothing between her hands and the flesh. Strangely something she had never considered – but would no doubt plague her dreams now for months to come - it seemed deliciously daring for her love to be so attired…or rather un-attired… a little bit dirty even. Breaking from the kiss for a second she breathed her desire filled condemnation at Willow ‘You hussy.’

‘I didn’t think you’d mind.’ Willow smiled knowingly ‘Not when it’s just us. Besides there was the sand factor to consider. Like eww. Not nice.’

Tara responded only by taking over the kiss and resolving to give Willow something else that was nice, attaching her mouth to the other woman’s desiring only to give and receive pleasure and feeling the effects within her own body already as she sent her hands roaming over Willow’s bare flesh and eventually sent a hand between their bodies, again raising the dress, held back by her wrist as she ran a hand over Willow’s belly and kept heading south into the lush growth in the valley of her thighs eventually bringing her hand to what was, right now at least, the centre of Willow’s consciousness and felt rather than heard the low groan that resonated from Willow’s chest, up through her throat and through their connection as her hand probed those most intimate folds of flesh.

Fighting to control her own motions, Tara strained to keep her movements on Willow’s body slow and deliberate rather than as feverish and excited as she felt she needed to be for her own desires. Willow’s reaction was start her own movements against those fingers. Welcoming them, welcoming the palm, the whole hand.

Willow was almost desperate for more…was about to break their kiss once more to ask Tara, to beg her, to give her what she needed now but the other young woman was as experienced now with her love’s bodily desires and needs as she was with the her own and no stranger to the geography of Willow either. This would be pure pleasure and they would talk again afterwards as Tara took her place, curled up in Willow’s arms, satisfied with her nights work.

And so Willow was brought to her shuddering peak, by another woman, stood on her parents expensive rug, naked beneath her dress with her intimate flesh caressed by that woman’s fingers. There was, she would reflect later, a deliciously dirty aspect to it all that had been lacking before.

As she milked Tara’s fingers of every last drop of satisfaction Willow knew that it could not end now, that she would not let it. Both she and Tara had always been more than happy to provide pleasure for the other when they became intimately involved but they had always valued the cuddles and the kissing and the post-pleasure intimacy more than the sexual activity itself… but not this night. Tara had declared that tonight was special and Willow intended to make sure it was as special as it could be for them both.

‘Thank you lover…’ Willow said quietly before kissing Tara once more.

They were still stood there, still swaying to a beat – but no longer the music’s they were only shocked out of their revelry by the end of the disc once more. Tara kissed Willow again, but this time less with passion than an intensity borne of love, an invitation to retire to that small bed that Willow had occupied throughout her life in this house. Assuming this would be accepted Tara dropped her hand and took Willow’s and started to lead her from the room.

Willow though had other ideas. Tara was allowed to lead her to the couch and then she stopped dead in her tracks, allowing their linked arms to extend, but maintaining her position. Tara turned to her questioningly. Willow smiled…it wasn’t over yet. ‘Sit down.’ Seeing Tara hesitate, no doubt just wanting to snuggle up to her. ‘Please… for me.’

‘How can I refuse when you ask like that then?’ Tara enquired of her goddess and sat where was indicated, knowing that Willow was about to make love to her…somehow. The only question being how exactly this wonderful, beautiful, woman would choose to pleasure her. Really she didn’t care… it was Willow.

Willow sank to her knees, ‘I am still hungry,’ she said, voice full of mischief.

Well that answers that question then, Tara thought to herself, not at all disappointed as Willow manipulated the long flowing dress and the tailored split to reveal Tara’s pale legs. Oddly then, seeing her limbs exposed Tara’s mind wandered from the moment and she realised that perhaps, now she was no longer hiding away and there was someone to see it, that it was perhaps time to do something about a bit of sun. Just a little. Her mind snapped back though when Willow sent a hand to the small of her back, encouraging her to scoot forwards in the seat…which she did, allowing Willow to raise the dress to the point where her underwear was exposed to scrutiny…. and removal. Though Willow made no move to the latter just yet instead planting tiny kisses along the inside of Tara’s legs, from ankle to knee and ever upwards to her inner thighs. The kisses were maddening her, promising so much but never quite delivering on that promise and now accompanied by feather light caresses of those long flanks. Eventually Tara could not withstand it, had to ask…beg Willow to deliver… ‘Honey-’ She was cut off by a swiftly raised finger and a shoosh from the beautiful woman crouched between her wantonly spread thighs. Obedient once more Tara silenced herself, content that Willow would freely give everything that she needed when she believed that her love was ready…and by the goddess was she ready…

Willow finally reached forward for Tara’s underwear, delighting in the sight and reluctant to remove them except in promise of what lay beneath and with the removal of that piece of material Tara was exposed to her, vulnerable and utterly trusting in that vulnerability. And as Willow leaned forward to nuzzle that intimate flesh they were both aware that this physical affection was the very least important thing they had done in a memorable day.

Even if it was more fun than a Frisbee.

--------

Eventually though they made it to a bed and neither of them could manage anything other than the slight caresses that usually soothed them into sleep. That and the comfort of mutual ensnugglement. Tara had to ask though. ‘So have you been reading books again sweetie?’

‘What do you mean?’ Willow asked, not sure what, specifically, Tara was referring to.

‘What you did with your hand… to me… For me.’

‘No baby, that’s all my own work, and it wasn't just for you.’ Willow confirmed smug and more than a little proud of herself.

‘Oooh, well done then.’ Tara meant that and smiled. ‘What do you call it?’

‘Umm - Willowhand.’

‘You may have to show me that again sometime.’

‘Okay.’

----------
Endnote: Okay so I didn’t give you the specifics behind Willowhand. Use your imagination.


------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited October 31, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 05, 2001).]

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:17               
I was right. It's about love and it's incredibly special. Gentle smiles and warm fuzzies all round.


Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus.
(Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.)

IP: Logged

emily 'first'
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:42               
Well,says us...
Nothing wrong with that...

------------------
vive,valeque.

IP: Logged

KittyKo
Willowhand


Posts: 351
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:45               
wow! wonderfull! amazing...

[This message has been edited by KittyKo (edited October 31, 2001).]

IP: Logged

kpmuse
Willowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 31, 2001 19:54               
The thought of Willow running around the kitchen in just a tshirt..... well, shiver me timbers!
Katharyn, you are magnificent! (gosh, I hope that's not too forward)

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

IP: Logged

delany
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 23:15               
probably sounding like a parrot on a pirate, but WOW/
that was incredibly sensual. that was very much so what iconcider to be a LOVE scene. simply beautiful, and definitly a highlight of the fic so far. thanks!

del.

IP: Logged

legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 09:29               
Okay, Let me be the first to say WOW!! Oh...I see everyone above me has also used that word. Damn! Well, I'll just start again.

Okay, Let me be the first to say what a tremendously enjoyable chapter that was! I was hanging onto every word you wrote, and couldn't get to the next one fast enough! It was truly a joy to read!

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!

*end of sucking up and butt kissing - though, I'm sure you enjoyed it *

IP: Logged

Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 12:10            
Oh My! oh Wow!

That bath scene was just so sweet and cute and sexy and ....

Edited to add - Willow can cook in my kitchen in a t-shirt anytime - and what could be on the menu - Willowhand perhaps!

(oohps naughty Bunny)

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

[This message has been edited by Bunny (edited November 01, 2001).]

IP: Logged

Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 01, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!


Just to answer your questions legend, before I start kissing some butt myself!

1) The introduction of Tara to the Rosenbergs will not occur within the Beginning Cycle - it is mentioned in the fic purely to show that Tara is looking beyond her birthday and making plans BUT...

2) Though "Family" is the conclusion of The Beginning Cycle the idea will continue in the same manner at a later date in another cycle. As a working title this is called "The Middle Bit." There already exists a Tara meets the Rosenbergs fic,though I am not happpy with Sheila, hence holding it back (I don't have time to fix it or space in the canon timeline I am working to.) Work on this new cycle is gradually proceeding as and when a story comes to me or I revisit an episode. However there is next to no chance that this will appear before I have seen at least the first half of S6 (guesstimate March-ish though the S5 stuff should appear pretty quick as it willbe largely ready and just need tweaking. Really I will just be in search of a theme) Sorry for the delay! However I learnt my lesson with this monster. I have been chasing my tail for 6 months now writing this - mainly because I did not have enough down when I started (at least not in a usable sequence.) Also when I started I had no idea where I was going (not having seen S5.) Hence wanting to see S6 this time. And being as I seem to be attached to angst the end of S5 should keep me going until S6 which (from the rumours I try desperately to avoid - don't tell me!) also looks to be heading for angst. There will be more from me on this for certain but not in this cycle and not soon. Also (in the far future) there is a desire to do a "future fic." Maybe not to the same lengthy extent though. Depends on the events of S6 again... *hoping and praying*

3) As for withdrawl symptoms... I know all about that. Feedback is what I want and what I need. That is why the Sidestep series of stories (all in an Alt Universe) is being developed already and some of that is written and almost ready to go. But again I need to get some more of that done before I start to post it as a contingency against real life having an effect. There is also a possibility that some of that will be a collaboration. But only a possibility at this point (eh? K.) If that happens then I need to wait for the other person to be ready and willing too. It will appear before "The Middle Bit" however. (See Part 28 & 29 for an idea of what that is about.) Don't worry I will not actually call it "The Middle Bit!"

4) You kiss butt magnificently.

5) There are a few parts left yet though. Part 40 is set after Out of My Mind. Part 41 starts the Family bit off. I plan on ending in Part 46 or 47 as Family is broken down (as New Moon Rising was) into 4 parts directly linked to the episode (or maybe 3 if they are not long enough) with 3 more parts dealing with the aftermath.

6) As for having a life... I am told that I have one. I have a job. I have someone to hold - this week at least - and I cannot decide whether her being away working so much is a good or bad thing. Nope it is bad for me and good for you lot that seem to like this!

Gods that rambled a bit. Thankyou all for your support on this last part. I always have reservation about fic like that. You can never be sure what the readers will think. More smut,less smut? I went for less and I think that it (hope that it) gives more an impression of love and a future than a sex emphasised one would. But nonetheless it is smut. Now I am off out for my birthday. I shall not reveal my age and pretend I am in Buffyland and just 21.

Birthday update: It is chucking it down and the taxi has gone awol. GRRR. On my way now...

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

IP: Logged

Bunny
Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 17:18            
Happy Birthday Katharyn

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

IP: Logged

legend
Cool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 20:44               
Thanks for the reply - Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

IP: Logged

Katharyn
Sassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 02, 2001 01:29               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:
Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future


You got me all enthusiastic for it now. Just officially named "The Middle Bit" folder, I can sense a vast order of fiction with repetitive strain injury on the side on the horizon!

Thanks for all the birthday greetings... now never mention it again*S* Besides for me it was now yesterday another 364 days to go WOOHOO!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

IP: Logged

Forrister
Willowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 03, 2001 06:04               
I'm in a little internet cafe in the wilds of Woodford drinking hot chocolate and feeling in a particularly silly mood. I was going to send an enigmatic email but I decided this would be more fun.

YES. Just that. YES. If it needs elaboration I'll add that we (note the use of the plural pronoun as opposed to the royal definative) can do this - it's a good idea and it deserves to be done. I can dig pits as well as climb in and out all by myself.


Credo draconae, hominis bonum, et alius animalis phantasia.
(I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.)

IP: Logged

IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:17               
I was right. It's about love and it's incredibly special. Gentle smiles and warm fuzzies all round.


Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus.
(Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.)

IP: Logged

posted October 31, 2001 14:17                I was right. It's about love and it's incredibly special. Gentle smiles and warm fuzzies all round.


Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus.
(Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love.)
IP: Loggedemily 'first'Doll's eye crystal


Posts: 55
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:42               


Well,says us...
Nothing wrong with that...

------------------
vive,valeque.

IP: Logged

posted October 31, 2001 14:42                Well,says us...
Nothing wrong with that...

------------------
vive,valeque.
IP: LoggedKittyKoWillowhand


Posts: 351
Registered: Aug 2001
posted October 31, 2001 14:45               


wow! wonderfull! amazing...

[This message has been edited by KittyKo (edited October 31, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted October 31, 2001 14:45                wow! wonderfull! amazing...

[This message has been edited by KittyKo (edited October 31, 2001).]IP: LoggedkpmuseWillowhand


Posts: 308
Registered: May 2001
posted October 31, 2001 19:54               


The thought of Willow running around the kitchen in just a tshirt..... well, shiver me timbers!
Katharyn, you are magnificent! (gosh, I hope that's not too forward)

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

IP: Logged

posted October 31, 2001 19:54                The thought of Willow running around the kitchen in just a tshirt..... well, shiver me timbers!
Katharyn, you are magnificent! (gosh, I hope that's not too forward)

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - AmberIP: LoggeddelanyDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 72
Registered: Oct 2001
posted October 31, 2001 23:15               


probably sounding like a parrot on a pirate, but WOW/
that was incredibly sensual. that was very much so what iconcider to be a LOVE scene. simply beautiful, and definitly a highlight of the fic so far. thanks!

del.

IP: Logged

posted October 31, 2001 23:15                probably sounding like a parrot on a pirate, but WOW/
that was incredibly sensual. that was very much so what iconcider to be a LOVE scene. simply beautiful, and definitly a highlight of the fic so far. thanks!

del.IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 09:29               


Okay, Let me be the first to say WOW!! Oh...I see everyone above me has also used that word. Damn! Well, I'll just start again.

Okay, Let me be the first to say what a tremendously enjoyable chapter that was! I was hanging onto every word you wrote, and couldn't get to the next one fast enough! It was truly a joy to read!

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!

*end of sucking up and butt kissing - though, I'm sure you enjoyed it *

IP: Logged

posted November 01, 2001 09:29                Okay, Let me be the first to say WOW!! Oh...I see everyone above me has also used that word. Damn! Well, I'll just start again.

Okay, Let me be the first to say what a tremendously enjoyable chapter that was! I was hanging onto every word you wrote, and couldn't get to the next one fast enough! It was truly a joy to read!

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!

*end of sucking up and butt kissing - though, I'm sure you enjoyed it * IP: LoggedBunnyDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 12:10            


Oh My! oh Wow!

That bath scene was just so sweet and cute and sexy and ....

Edited to add - Willow can cook in my kitchen in a t-shirt anytime - and what could be on the menu - Willowhand perhaps!

(oohps naughty Bunny)

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

[This message has been edited by Bunny (edited November 01, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted November 01, 2001 12:10             Oh My! oh Wow!

That bath scene was just so sweet and cute and sexy and ....

Edited to add - Willow can cook in my kitchen in a t-shirt anytime - and what could be on the menu - Willowhand perhaps!

(oohps naughty Bunny)

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

[This message has been edited by Bunny (edited November 01, 2001).]IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 01, 2001 13:22               


quote:
Originally posted by legend:

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!


Just to answer your questions legend, before I start kissing some butt myself!

1) The introduction of Tara to the Rosenbergs will not occur within the Beginning Cycle - it is mentioned in the fic purely to show that Tara is looking beyond her birthday and making plans BUT...

2) Though "Family" is the conclusion of The Beginning Cycle the idea will continue in the same manner at a later date in another cycle. As a working title this is called "The Middle Bit." There already exists a Tara meets the Rosenbergs fic,though I am not happpy with Sheila, hence holding it back (I don't have time to fix it or space in the canon timeline I am working to.) Work on this new cycle is gradually proceeding as and when a story comes to me or I revisit an episode. However there is next to no chance that this will appear before I have seen at least the first half of S6 (guesstimate March-ish though the S5 stuff should appear pretty quick as it willbe largely ready and just need tweaking. Really I will just be in search of a theme) Sorry for the delay! However I learnt my lesson with this monster. I have been chasing my tail for 6 months now writing this - mainly because I did not have enough down when I started (at least not in a usable sequence.) Also when I started I had no idea where I was going (not having seen S5.) Hence wanting to see S6 this time. And being as I seem to be attached to angst the end of S5 should keep me going until S6 which (from the rumours I try desperately to avoid - don't tell me!) also looks to be heading for angst. There will be more from me on this for certain but not in this cycle and not soon. Also (in the far future) there is a desire to do a "future fic." Maybe not to the same lengthy extent though. Depends on the events of S6 again... *hoping and praying*

3) As for withdrawl symptoms... I know all about that. Feedback is what I want and what I need. That is why the Sidestep series of stories (all in an Alt Universe) is being developed already and some of that is written and almost ready to go. But again I need to get some more of that done before I start to post it as a contingency against real life having an effect. There is also a possibility that some of that will be a collaboration. But only a possibility at this point (eh? K.) If that happens then I need to wait for the other person to be ready and willing too. It will appear before "The Middle Bit" however. (See Part 28 & 29 for an idea of what that is about.) Don't worry I will not actually call it "The Middle Bit!"

4) You kiss butt magnificently.

5) There are a few parts left yet though. Part 40 is set after Out of My Mind. Part 41 starts the Family bit off. I plan on ending in Part 46 or 47 as Family is broken down (as New Moon Rising was) into 4 parts directly linked to the episode (or maybe 3 if they are not long enough) with 3 more parts dealing with the aftermath.

6) As for having a life... I am told that I have one. I have a job. I have someone to hold - this week at least - and I cannot decide whether her being away working so much is a good or bad thing. Nope it is bad for me and good for you lot that seem to like this!

Gods that rambled a bit. Thankyou all for your support on this last part. I always have reservation about fic like that. You can never be sure what the readers will think. More smut,less smut? I went for less and I think that it (hope that it) gives more an impression of love and a future than a sex emphasised one would. But nonetheless it is smut. Now I am off out for my birthday. I shall not reveal my age and pretend I am in Buffyland and just 21.

Birthday update: It is chucking it down and the taxi has gone awol. GRRR. On my way now...

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

IP: Logged

posted November 01, 2001 13:22               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:

Quick Q: Will any of the remaining chapters of this story entail Willow introducing Tara to her parents? And, Are you going to continue the story after "Family", or is that the intended conclusion? I'm starting to worry about withdrawal symptoms after the conclusion of your fic - I mean instead of sitting here reading your absolutely fantastic masterpiece, I might actually have to go out and get a life! God forbid!


Just to answer your questions legend, before I start kissing some butt myself!

1) The introduction of Tara to the Rosenbergs will not occur within the Beginning Cycle - it is mentioned in the fic purely to show that Tara is looking beyond her birthday and making plans BUT...

2) Though "Family" is the conclusion of The Beginning Cycle the idea will continue in the same manner at a later date in another cycle. As a working title this is called "The Middle Bit." There already exists a Tara meets the Rosenbergs fic,though I am not happpy with Sheila, hence holding it back (I don't have time to fix it or space in the canon timeline I am working to.) Work on this new cycle is gradually proceeding as and when a story comes to me or I revisit an episode. However there is next to no chance that this will appear before I have seen at least the first half of S6 (guesstimate March-ish though the S5 stuff should appear pretty quick as it willbe largely ready and just need tweaking. Really I will just be in search of a theme) Sorry for the delay! However I learnt my lesson with this monster. I have been chasing my tail for 6 months now writing this - mainly because I did not have enough down when I started (at least not in a usable sequence.) Also when I started I had no idea where I was going (not having seen S5.) Hence wanting to see S6 this time. And being as I seem to be attached to angst the end of S5 should keep me going until S6 which (from the rumours I try desperately to avoid - don't tell me!) also looks to be heading for angst. There will be more from me on this for certain but not in this cycle and not soon. Also (in the far future) there is a desire to do a "future fic." Maybe not to the same lengthy extent though. Depends on the events of S6 again... *hoping and praying*

3) As for withdrawl symptoms... I know all about that. Feedback is what I want and what I need. That is why the Sidestep series of stories (all in an Alt Universe) is being developed already and some of that is written and almost ready to go. But again I need to get some more of that done before I start to post it as a contingency against real life having an effect. There is also a possibility that some of that will be a collaboration. But only a possibility at this point (eh? K.) If that happens then I need to wait for the other person to be ready and willing too. It will appear before "The Middle Bit" however. (See Part 28 & 29 for an idea of what that is about.) Don't worry I will not actually call it "The Middle Bit!"

4) You kiss butt magnificently.

5) There are a few parts left yet though. Part 40 is set after Out of My Mind. Part 41 starts the Family bit off. I plan on ending in Part 46 or 47 as Family is broken down (as New Moon Rising was) into 4 parts directly linked to the episode (or maybe 3 if they are not long enough) with 3 more parts dealing with the aftermath.

6) As for having a life... I am told that I have one. I have a job. I have someone to hold - this week at least - and I cannot decide whether her being away working so much is a good or bad thing. Nope it is bad for me and good for you lot that seem to like this!

Gods that rambled a bit. Thankyou all for your support on this last part. I always have reservation about fic like that. You can never be sure what the readers will think. More smut,less smut? I went for less and I think that it (hope that it) gives more an impression of love and a future than a sex emphasised one would. But nonetheless it is smut. Now I am off out for my birthday. I shall not reveal my age and pretend I am in Buffyland and just 21.

Birthday update: It is chucking it down and the taxi has gone awol. GRRR. On my way now...

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited November 01, 2001).]quote:IP: LoggedBunnyDoll's eye crystal


Posts: 107
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 01, 2001 17:18            


Happy Birthday Katharyn

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"

IP: Logged

posted November 01, 2001 17:18             Happy Birthday Katharyn

------------------
FF Meeting: - "Hi my name's Lee and I'm a Fan Ficaholic"
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter


Posts: 138
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 01, 2001 20:44               


Thanks for the reply - Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

IP: Logged

posted November 01, 2001 20:44                Thanks for the reply - Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs


Posts: 590
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 02, 2001 01:29               


quote:
Originally posted by legend:
Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future


You got me all enthusiastic for it now. Just officially named "The Middle Bit" folder, I can sense a vast order of fiction with repetitive strain injury on the side on the horizon!

Thanks for all the birthday greetings... now never mention it again*S* Besides for me it was now yesterday another 364 days to go WOOHOO!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

IP: Logged

posted November 02, 2001 01:29               
quote:
Originally posted by legend:
Definately set my mind at ease knowing there is more to come in the future


You got me all enthusiastic for it now. Just officially named "The Middle Bit" folder, I can sense a vast order of fiction with repetitive strain injury on the side on the horizon!

Thanks for all the birthday greetings... now never mention it again*S* Besides for me it was now yesterday another 364 days to go WOOHOO!

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always
quote:IP: LoggedForristerWillowhand


Posts: 413
Registered: Aug 2001
posted November 03, 2001 06:04               


I'm in a little internet cafe in the wilds of Woodford drinking hot chocolate and feeling in a particularly silly mood. I was going to send an enigmatic email but I decided this would be more fun.

YES. Just that. YES. If it needs elaboration I'll add that we (note the use of the plural pronoun as opposed to the royal definative) can do this - it's a good idea and it deserves to be done. I can dig pits as well as climb in and out all by myself.


Credo draconae, hominis bonum, et alius animalis phantasia.
(I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.)

IP: Logged

posted November 03, 2001 06:04                I'm in a little internet cafe in the wilds of Woodford drinking hot chocolate and feeling in a particularly silly mood. I was going to send an enigmatic email but I decided this would be more fun.

YES. Just that. YES. If it needs elaboration I'll add that we (note the use of the plural pronoun as opposed to the royal definative) can do this - it's a good idea and it deserves to be done. I can dig pits as well as climb in and out all by myself.


Credo draconae, hominis bonum, et alius animalis phantasia.
(I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.)

Katharyn
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Forrister » Sun Oct 28, 2001 11:56 am

Wow!

Nothing else, just wow!


Somnia sunt surculos veritatis.
(Dreams are the seedlings of reality.)

Forrister
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby tommo » Sun Oct 28, 2001 12:42 pm

Hmm.

------------------
"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

tommo
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby emily 'first' » Sun Oct 28, 2001 1:33 pm

***
I don't know what to say...
Well,actually,I do...so here we go...
First I was disturbed...
Then I cried...well I started leaking anyway...
Then I was disturbed again...in a very thoughtful way...
***
Katharyn,
I think you managed to carry off this part very well...and long may you continue...

------------------
vive,valeque.

[This message has been edited by emily 'first' (edited October 31, 2001).]

emily 'first'
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Zahir » Sun Oct 28, 2001 6:40 pm

You know, I've never been a fan of "black & white" morality. Real Life isn't. Its full of colors, different levels of light and shadow, etc. And one of the hallmarks of great fiction is that it captures this great but disturbing truth...

Methinks why I mention this in reference to your work is fairly clear.

Keep up the good work!

------------------
"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam

Zahir
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby delany » Sun Oct 28, 2001 7:20 pm

okaaaaay...
that was slightly unnerving. it was a little disturbing, all that past family imagery and stuff. the darling lass.. just wanna grab her and give her great big hugs.. i've always been a fan of the way authors depict dream scenes becaouse it's almost like a step away from a reality thats a step away from reality..ermm..if you know what i mean..you know..like when you dream that your dreaming..kinda thing (i study psychology, just been reading freud )..anyways, it was very cool.
I amost cried when willow scene came up, poor tara..she's really got some rough times ahead of her. can't help but want her to just totally open up and tell willow everthing she's feeling.. just like in family.. oo!! interesting tangent..

del

delany
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby Lonewolf » Mon Oct 29, 2001 12:30 am

Katharyn: Great update, I really like the way Tara realizes she belongs with Willow and not back home and that she is not evil and never was.

Lonewolf

Lonewolf
 


New Fic: The Beginning Cycle

Postby kpmuse » Mon Oct 29, 2001 1:21 pm

Thanks Katharyn! Nice chap! Glad to see you got some excellent writing done on the island, but please do come back now cause we miss you in spoiler free. Bye

------------------
kris

Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. - Amber

kpmuse
 

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