*wanders off mumbling about cliffhangers...*
by willow_thebadasswitch » Sat Jan 05, 2002 10:12 am
*wanders off mumbling about cliffhangers...*
by nika » Sat Jan 05, 2002 10:54 am
by RomanceJunky » Sat Jan 05, 2002 12:23 pm
RJ (YW,b)
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"Next year...shits gonna go down...her relationship with Tara will continue---but the course of True Love is never easy."
Joss Whedon-"OUT" magazine, August 2001
by Kieli » Sat Jan 05, 2002 11:04 pm
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
by mariacomet » Sun Jan 06, 2002 10:07 am
Thanks for the encouragement. You know I MEANT this to be a short story.
by Superstar » Sun Jan 06, 2002 1:24 pm
I for one think you have Spike down perfect. I love the Spike/Dawn interaction. A lot of angst here of course, but the comic relief (and the anticipation of a happy ending) makes that bitter pill a little easier to swallow.
I note that Buffy herself is not in this fic. Not that I'm complaining. Ummm...not that I'm saying I want to not see Buffy, or that that's a feature I particularly look for in a fanfic. Just that I am...entirely neutral on the lack-of-Buffyness in your fic.
Sorry, little bit of Willow-babble there .
by mariacomet » Sun Jan 06, 2002 6:58 pm
quote:
Originally posted by Superstar:
I note that Buffy herself is not in this fic. Not that I'm complaining. Ummm...not that I'm saying I want to not see Buffy, or that that's a feature I particularly look for in a fanfic. Just that I am...entirely neutral on the lack-of-Buffyness in your fic.
You know what's kind of funny? I keep saying to myself, 'okay, the show IS called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy should at least do a cameo. Yet she keeps ducking out of scenes while I'm writing them. I can't see her not making ANY appearance though, so you should see her sometime before the end.
quote:by mariacomet » Mon Jan 07, 2002 1:04 am
Title: Legends of the Kiss part 4B
Feedback: - I will beg if I have to. Really.
Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: All episodes. I am loosely tying this to my 'Empty Boxes' and 'Believe' pieces but I don't think you have to read them to understand this.
Rating: PG…for now. There will be at least an 'R' part toward the end, which I have to tell you I am already blushing about writing.
Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of the genius of Joss Whedon and Co.
Legends of the Kiss
(Part 4B)
By Mariacomet
The word lost is used commonly enough. For instance, when we find ourselves not following a conversation. Sometimes, even if the map is right in our hands, we claim to be displaced. After all, if we don’t know where we are, how then can we find where we are going? People speak of losing their souls, or losing their hearts. A great affectation of romance is the idea of being lost in a gaze, or in another person. It is perhaps a term best describing those who know where they wish to be, but cannot seem to find their way. The flip side of the coin is that being lost always starts out innocently enough.
The two tiered building was unfamiliar at first, though Willow had spent a significant portion of her youth there. It was very dark, of course, save for the cobalt light still shimmering from the majestic oak that had suddenly been placed at the room’s center.
Willow’s instinct was to explore and find her bearings. Tara reached for her, and held her back silently. The redhead obeyed the wordless request. She drew closer to her former lover and gently touched her face.
“Are you alright?”
“A bit scared.” Tara answered honestly, but there was no recrimination.
The guilt came over Willow anyway. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly, her eyes tormented, her hand dropping away from its tender caress. “I’ll get us out of this, I promise you.”
“Wherever we are, I chose to come here, Willow.” Tara shook her head, not allowing Willow to protest the point. “Besides, there must be a reason that we were sent here.”
The only woman Willow had ever loved took her hand. The movement was purposeful and her eyes bore into Willow’s as she did it. They dropped their shared gaze just long enough to watch their fingers twine together. When they had first touched one another, a tingle ran between them, and there was a sense of completeness. Their magics had reached for one another without an invocation, and they knew they could do anything, as long as they were together. It was the same now, the brushstrokes of power that ran through lightly touching fingertips into reluctant hearts.
“This is just like me. All kiss and damn the consequences.” The redhead groused. It was deathly silent, save for the racing of Willow’s heart. She was frantically worrying where they were and how she would get them home. “This is the Bronze, I think. Well I mean, I know it’s the Bronze, but the Bronze is usually less… um…”
“Less blue.” Tara filled in.
“I hope this isn’t alternate dimension Bronze, because alternate dimensions are never a best case scenario. Though in a strange way, I think my vamp self would be kind of pleased if I show up with you… and oh my gosh! Giles!” The former librarian was before them suddenly, an almost chagrined smile on his lips. He was just as Willow remembered him – tweed suit and glasses. Gratitude rushed over her. Both the young women moved forward to embrace him, but he lifted a hand, holding them off.
His eyes were kind, but his voice firm. “Not Giles. Merely a conduit, I’m afraid. I am meant to show you the way home.”
“Home?” Tara asked. “Mr. Giles, we’re not entirely sure where we are.”
“The answer is that you are closer than you think and farther away than you can imagine.” Giles answered with a fond smile.
Willow’s brow furrowed. “I’m not liking cryptic Giles.” She leaned toward Tara, still frowning and speaking in a low tone. “If he takes out a watch and starts talking about how late he is, I vote we run.”
“Ditto, if a Queen shows up and starts talking about ‘off with our head.’” Tara agreed.
Giles gave a long sigh and removed his glass, cleaning them methodically. “Willow, you must pay attention.” Tara and Willow shared a look, both acknowledging that this sure sounded like the Watcher. “Now, you may leave at anytime you wish.” He waved his hand and a fire pit appeared in the middle of the room. “To leave you have only to burn the book.”
“As a former librarian, shouldn’t you be against book burning?” The redhead pointed out.
He shrugged and slid his hands into his pockets. “Legends disappear and reappear all the time over the centuries. You cannot kill them. You can only displace them.”
Sounds began to thrash around beyond their line of vision. An animal growling, and then the distinct sound of crying, a soft child-like crying. “What’s out there in the dark?” Tara whispered to the Watcher.
Giles gave her a perplexed look, seemingly surprised that she didn’t know. “Willow knows.”
Willow blinked at him. “But I don’t know.” She looked to Tara. “Really. You know everything I do.”
Tara didn’t debate the point at the moment. She kept her eyes on Giles. “Is it dangerous?”
Giles smiled, the paternal love doling from his eyes. “There are Monsters here. Several beasts that have lived here in the dark for an eternity. But they are all quite contained.” The soft sobs grew louder then ceased all together. “Once upon a time there was a land of shriveled, sad things. They lived in the dark, you see, because they knew they were so horrible that if people saw them, they would run in fear. Or worse, people would hate them. More than anything, these monsters longed for a place of their own, where they could be loved. For as monstrous as those beasts were, each had a heart that yearned for more. In their naivete, they elected a queen from among them. She was the most beautiful creature in the land. They placed their faith in her, trusting that she would find them a home, a place where they were not feared and could live happily in the light. The queen sought out such a place, but when she found it, she betrayed the creatures and kept it for herself.”
“Is that where we are? Are we supposed… to find this queen?” The blonde witch wondered aloud. Confusion etched her features. “I don’t understand. What does this have to do with Willow and I?”
The older man made no effort to answer; instead he stared off into the distance. While he had been talking the sound of movement, rustling like someone was walking through brush, had surrounded them. Now, it was completely silent again. Giles looked to them. “I really must go.”
“All we have to do is burn the book and then we can go home?” Willow asked urgently.
“Of course.” He replied calmly. She started toward the fire, book in hand. “If you do, though, you will not be afforded this opportunity again. Didn’t you claim you’d do anything to show Tara what she meant to you? Weren’t you desperate to show her?” The Watcher looked to Willow. “This is what you wished.”
Frustration flashed in her eyes. “I wished to be in the land where the ‘Wild Things’ are?! Someone REALLY misunderstood me.”
“It’s completely your choice.” Giles said and he started walking forward beyond the illumination of the tree. Just as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.
A distinct cracking sound came from the other side of them. It rang in the air once, then there was a pause before it came again. Out of the shadows walked a dark haired woman in a neat grey business suit. Her facial features were obscured by a mask. In her hand she was loosely holding a long black whip. “You two, what are you doing here?” She said addressing Willow and Tara. Suddenly, she turned her back to them and cracked the whip at something in the darkness.
A whimper and then a sharp howl sounded. It was so shrill that it hurt their ears. “What are you whipping?” Willow demanded.
The business woman shook her head. “Oh believe me, you don’t want to see.”
“Why not?” Tara asked.
“Because it’s ugly.” The woman with the whip replied and growled toward the shadows. “I told you to STAY BACK!” She raised the whip and swung it over her head cracking it fiercely in front of her. Whining began, softly, much more quietly then Willow would have expected after such a blow. “And be QUIET.” She ordered the unseen creature. “I mean, excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?”
The redhead frowned. Something was familiar abut the voice and this flash of un-placeable recognition disturbed her as deeply as the place itself, though in this case she couldn’t say why. “It sounds hurt.”
“What did it do?” Tara questioned. Horror burned in her eyes. She hated the idea of anything being mistreated. “I mean… why are you hitting it?”
The lady before them made a nonchalant gesture. “Oh, it likes it.”
“It likes it?” Willow repeated, feeling rather dumbfounded. The whole evening was turning out much more strange then even a lifetime in Sunnydale had prepared her for. She made a frantic grab and managed to steal the loosely dangling whip from the other woman’s hand. “Well maybe we should see how you like it, huh? I mean, maybe we should see how tough you are now.”
The woman in the mask crossed her arms over her chest. “Look, really, you don’t want to get involved here. It really does like it. Here, I’ll show you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She snapped her fingers and motioned something forward. “Come on, come on out.” She called.
A long low beast crawled into the circle of blue light. It was strange that it should crawl because it had arms and legs. Still, it seemed to ooze forward, as if in reality, it was formless. Long thick hair ran in uneven patches over it’s form and red dots lined it’s jellylike skin. It’s head was overly large, about double the size that the normal human head was. Neither of the witches could see its face for it had its head utterly bowed. It was shaking, turning its head this way and that, though not daring to look up, not once.
Willow felt a wave of pity and revulsion. Everything about it hurt her senses; the way it moved, it’s green olive complexion, the coarse hair, even the way it smelled. It disgusted her. She looked at the whip in her hand and had the strangest urge to wield it on the beast and drive it back into the shadows. It was insane but she wanted to hurt it. Even worse, she wanted to kill it. Something inside her said that it deserved to die. No, that was wrong. Surely nothing deserved that fate. It just should have never existed. It had no place in the world. It had no place anywhere.
“See,” Said the business woman. “No chains. Nothing stopping it from defending itself… or even running away, if it wanted to. But it doesn’t. I whip it and it comes back for more.” As if her words were prophetic, it laid it’s head on her shoe and whimpered again. “You see? It wants more.”
“Let’s go Tara.” Willow said in a voice much harsher than she intended it to be. This thing was pathetic. It wasn’t that she felt no sadness at all for the beast. It was just that it was clear to her that it was its own fault that it was here. The blonde wasn’t listening; she knelt down in front of the beast and started to reach out a hand. “Don’t touch it.” Willow cried out loudly.
“She’s right.” The business woman said and reached for the whip that Willow held. The hacker surrendered it without another word. “Look, I don’t know where you all come from but… you wanna fit in here, the first rule is: know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight.” She gave the creature at her feet a meaningful glance. “They're a lot easier to avoid.”
Willow knew the words, it was hard to forget something that was wedged deep inside you. She felt stricken, and her eyes were glued again to the beast. The beast lifted its head and she was caught by its eyes, the same green as her own. She stumbled back almost losing her balance. This thing didn’t belong to this place at all, it belonged to her and she was ashamed of it.
Willow moved quickly, ceasing her ex-girlfriend’s hand. “Tara, come on, let’s leave this place.”
Tara’s gaze swung between Willow and the monster. “What is it? Willow?”
Words fell weakly from her tongue. “I just don’t think you should see.”
“She’s already seen.” The woman with the whip said.
“She doesn’t have to see anymore.” Willow shot back angrily. She stepped between the business woman and Tara. “I know who you are.”
“I should hope so,” came the flippant reply. “You invited me here. What she sees isn’t my choice, you know. I think you’re making the right decision. Burn the book.” The monster at her feet faded back and gave a growl. It’s stance became rigid and fierce. The masked stranger sighed at the monster. “Excuse me? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.”
Willow felt like screaming. It was too much, like a dance she was forced to keep time to. “Okay, I SO did not invite you here.”
“Willow, who is that?” The hacker tried to pull Tara back, closer to the tree, but the blonde held her ground. Tara knew when Willow was afraid, that little girl fear that sometimes assaulted the usually cheerful woman late at night. The kind that Tara had once been able to shield her from just by wrapping her in an embrace. She had seen Willow want to hide before, to play the brave one, and she knew Willow was trying to hide now, though she didn’t know why.
The awful child’s crying filled the air and the redhead shivered. She grew so sad that everything froze inside her and she could no longer feel her heart beating. Before high school she had gone to sleep every night promising herself that the next day would be different. She would know how to answer all the people like Cordelia Chase who called her a freak, who insisted she was a nerd. She could beat everyone at academic achievement. She would show them all. She was just as good as they were. Better, maybe, at least in some cases.
But no matter how hard she’d tried, it hadn’t mattered. Being successful at school hadn’t impressed anyone – not her parents, not her peers. In her head, she drew marvelous pictures of who she wanted to be. Her dreams made her into someone that people looked to, instead of laughed at. Someone who was beautiful and strong, and who had lots and lots of friends. In fact, people were clamoring to be her friend in her mind. Sometimes she imagined saving one of the more popular kids from a horrible academic failure and forever earning her gratitude. This mystical being would explain to everyone that Willow Rosenberg was really very nice, and there had just been some bizarre misunderstanding somewhere along the way.
The reality was they treated her like she was the freak at the sideshow. They pointed at her and whispered, and sometimes they laughed. After a while, all she’d wanted was to disappear, to have the consistency of mist. The worst part was that, back then, she hadn’t understood why they disliked her so, why they surrounded her like wild wolves around a lamb. Why her? What had she done? How had she singled herself out? She looked back, amazed at her own ignorance.
What did she expect? Dressing in those mousey outfits and that frumpy haircut. Always letting people know how smart she was. That good little girl persona she was always trying to pull off. Oh so nice to everyone, so hopeful that if she was nice enough people would like her, would accept her. The good little girl, who never made any waves, was the perfect studious daughter and every teacher’s dream. Until well into her sophomore year, Willow had been too weak to stand up to her parents, too weak to stand up to anyone. Nerd. Victim. Freak. Loser. All these words seemed to fit, all of those words and more.
“Willow.” Tara tried again.
Willow was remembering the one line in the legend that offered an explanation for this place and for the beast they now faced. Offer her a kiss and things unspoken will be spoken, all things unknown in you, she will know.
Would Tara be horrified if she learned the truth – unable to ever look at Willow again as the confident, powerful woman she’d become? Would Tara remember only this disgusting monster – no, not monster, that was overly generous – this parasite. The parasite that had latched onto the beautiful, confident Buffy Summers, drawing from her strength. Willow had been so vulnerable, without meaning to be, so defenseless. She couldn’t risk that Tara – that anyone – would ever again try and make her into that person again.
Her green eyes swung to those of her lover. Tara had been so quiet when they had first met. Not a nerd, like she had been, Tara had been a wallflower. They had talked about their past. Tara seemed at peace with the fact that she had barely talked to anyone in High School. She hadn’t been an outsider as much as she had been somewhat invisible. Willow had told her a little about high school and before. Precious little. She hadn’t wanted to admit to Tara what she had been.
Just as she didn’t want to admit it now. As Giles had said, though, hadn’t she wished for this? To give? To show Tara how much she loved her?
Love was a risk, she had heard it said. What if that was wrong? What if love was to stare down fear, take apart the puzzle of your own identity, then lay the pieces in someone else’s hands? Maybe when you really gave someone your heart, you helped them build that puzzle. You hoped that when the picture was complete they would still love you. The offering was without restraint, and though the hope was there, nothing was ever truly asked in return. Willow had never given anyone everything. The closest she had ever come was with Xander, who knew her long enough to be privy to most of her secrets. Though she loved Xander and Buffy, and had loved Oz, there was deception. She was still good old reliable Willow, only now it was much more of an act than it once had been.
I love you, Tara.
Her shoulders slumped. Willow looked down, her head bowed. “It’s hard to explain. I mean, I don’t totally understand it.” She took in a deep breath, gathering her courage. “Tara, you always believed in me so much. From the first moment we met, you had faith in me. You saw me the way I’ve always wanted someone to see me. Oz used to look at me that way, but there was so much about me that he didn’t know. But somehow you knew… and you looked into me and saw something beautiful, something wonderful.”
A tall young man in a varsity jacket stepped up beside the business woman. She gave him the whip and he laughed. He gestured to the monster. “She’s just some egghead who tutored me a little in high school. I mean, she’s nice, but, come on, Captain of the nerd squad.” He shrugged. “I like my women hot. Call me old fashioned.”
Again, a figure stepped out of nothingness. It was a young man with dark hair this time. Willow recognized who it was immediately, even with the mask. “Poor little thing.” The man bent down and snickered at the monster, who backed away, once again the cowardly beast that it had been before. “I won't be needing your help anymore.” He addressed the monster. “Which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again.” The newcomer laughed again.
Willow blinked. How could something hurt her so much twice? Only it had never stopped hurting her. Words should be easy to escape from. They were just sound and air. She had run, but there was so much that she was never fast enough to escape. They had become phantoms of another life circling her, poking at her with their sharp phantom sticks. They wanted her to be weak, and to lose everything.
“Stop it.” Willow ordered all of them, but her voice broke. “I get it, okay. This whole surreal Willow-hell – I get it.” She turned to the newest young man. “Xander, take off that stupid mask.”
Sure enough, the young man lifted his mask to reveal the face of her long time friend. He seemed almost apologetic. “Sorry, Will. But in my defense, I’m not really in charge here.”
This time Tara grew more firm. “Willow, tell me what’s going on.” For one of the few times in her life, the redhead didn’t know what to say.
“You should go.” Xander said. “She shouldn’t see. There’s other things here, Will. You know that. You should keep her safe.”
It wasn’t about keeping Tara safe. It was about keeping herself safe. She had faced the end of the world, but she didn’t know if she was strong enough to risk showing Tara her secrets. Dirty little secrets buried deep in the soil of her, and rightfully so – kept away from the light. People held pictures of one another in their minds. Tara had one of Willow, one that the redhead liked, to risk being returned to the old drab Willow Portrait was unthinkable. How could anyone ever look at that person and love? That person was… spineless, a coward. A needy thing that reached out to everything, to everyone. She was held in chains by her parents, her classmates circling, mocking everything about her. She didn’t try and get free; she just did what was expected of her and kept running faster on the proverbial treadmill.
“He’s right.” Willow said finally in a voice that was barely loud enough to be heard. “We should go.” The sobs started from the darkness once more, and Willow felt her strength begin to sink. She knew that sound. The sound was of a dreamer, one who had been wishing for a different life, realizing that she could not change her fate. She shut her eyes, as if that act could drown out the noise. “Wait.” She told Tara. “It’s all me.”
Tara shook her head, not comprehending. Willow gathered enough courage to look at her. “This place. I think I made it. The monster… it’s…” Her mouth was suddenly dry, her head felt like it was spinning. She couldn’t make the words come. Willow swallowed hard, fighting for control of the fear. “The monster is me.”
“It’s worse than that.” Xander countered softly. “You’re the queen.”
by BytrSuite » Mon Jan 07, 2002 1:26 am
This is really interesting. Love what you're doing. I can't wait to read the rest of it.
Really wanna see Tara finally understand where they are and what has to happen.
Awesome.
by Quill » Mon Jan 07, 2002 1:39 am
by xita » Mon Jan 07, 2002 8:32 am
by boo » Mon Jan 07, 2002 9:47 am
that truly is a great way to explore Willow's insecurities. i can't wait to see what happens...!
by Jessie » Mon Jan 07, 2002 12:09 pm
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by Tiggrscorpio » Mon Jan 07, 2002 12:57 pm
by AutumnT » Mon Jan 07, 2002 1:30 pm
by CaptMurdock » Mon Jan 07, 2002 2:05 pm
(Or, more so than usual. I'm a firm believer in Kasden's Law: "If you steal from one source, it's plaigarism. If you steal from ten sources, it's research.")
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, I'm enjoying the play...
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"Good God, that's a lot of shake!"
by tiger17 » Mon Jan 07, 2002 2:47 pm
by boo » Mon Jan 07, 2002 2:55 pm
quote:
Originally posted by tiger17:
super
ditto!
by willow_thebadasswitch » Mon Jan 07, 2002 3:03 pm
by fell » Mon Jan 07, 2002 4:32 pm
i want to weigh in once more on the eternal debate over the character of spike. some seem convinced he is irredemably evil and incapable of acting with anything other than a selfish motive. i don't understand that. we've seen him make tremendous sacrifices and that he felt terrible guilt about failing to protect dawn.
yet even without a strong motive, like directly aiding dawn or buffy, i think he's unpredictable. i don't see him as having a conventional conscience. i see him instead as a sort of hopeless romantic who might do something noble or selfless or generous almost on a whim, not because it's the "right" thing to do, but because it fits his own sense of what's fitting or just.
by RomanceJunky » Mon Jan 07, 2002 4:44 pm
The Junky(YW)...can't wait to see how Tara reacts to all this...
by Jae » Mon Jan 07, 2002 8:28 pm
by The Rose » Mon Jan 07, 2002 9:17 pm
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Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.
Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl!
by orion » Mon Jan 07, 2002 9:43 pm
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"Okay, thats a little blacker then I like my arts" -Willow
by Superstar » Tue Jan 08, 2002 11:27 am
quote:
Originally posted by mariacomet:
You know what's kind of funny? I keep saying to myself, 'okay, the show IS called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy should at least do a cameo. Yet she keeps ducking out of scenes while I'm writing them. I can't see her not making ANY appearance though, so you should see her sometime before the end.
Hey, if she wants to duck out, you can't just drag her back in, can you? I mean, literally...she's a Slayer, she'd kick your ass . Better to let her go.
Looking forward to the next installment.
by mariacomet » Tue Jan 08, 2002 3:38 pm
I was really hoping that feeling wouldn't start happening with this piece.
BytrSuite, Tiger, Willow_thebadasswitch - The story is a bit sad right now, I know. People very rarely do what you expect them to, and neither Tara or Willow are perfect.
But there's a lot of room for hope.
Quill, Xita, Boo - I have to be honest. I am darned curious to see how it will play out as well. Parts of this story have been a great surprise to me. This part certainly has.
Jessie and Autumn: You're really getting to the heart of Willow's problem. It's the same problem she's always had: herself.
Joss set this season up very well in that most of the characters are fighting themselves. There's a ot of inner conflict and with all that has gone on, I think it's very believeable. I love exploring what he has so brillantly set up.
Tiggrscorpio - I am going a lot on the theory that Tara is a very understanding person who has come across a situation that she does not understand - Willow's betrayal. There's a lot I think that she needs to know to heal, and hopefully in the telling Willow will heal as well.
CaptMurdock (aka Mr. Lincoln) Were you really going to send them to a surreal alternate universe with a glowing blue oak tree? *grins* Um...*hides Miss Cleo's number and acts all innocent.* Nope. Had no idea what you were thinking. Not me.
Seriously, I think the theme could probably use some different perspectives. Half the time, I think I'm getting it wrong. I'm enjoying your piece quite a bit as well, by the way.
And the play's the thing, Mr Lincoln.
Fell - Writing Joss's characters is really a challenge and it's why I enjoy doing it. Staying true to the characters is both a wonderful opportunity and nerve wracking. Especially on a board that loves W/T as much as this one does.
Jae, Kitty Ko, Rose, Orion and EVERYONE - Thank you for the support. It really helps keep me going.
RJ (MW), I hope that the piece continues to move you. And I'm not even leering as I say that.
The next part - with any luck - SHOULD be up by tomorrow night.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited January 08, 2002).]
by Jessie » Tue Jan 08, 2002 5:22 pm
I was really hoping that feeling wouldn't start happening with this piece.
---
It isn't happening. It's not weird ... yes, it's an "out there" thing, but that doesn't mean it's weird. It's just different and, shadowy. I kinda of like it almost better than a lot of the cookie cutter fics that I have seen.
Don't stop now ...
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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"
by The Next Tara Maclay » Tue Jan 08, 2002 9:01 pm
by mariacomet » Fri Jan 11, 2002 10:06 pm
Title: Legends of the Kiss part 5a
Feedback: - I will beg if I have to. Really.
Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: All episodes. I am loosely tying this to my 'Empty Boxes' and 'Believe' pieces but I don't think you have to read them to understand this.
Rating: PG… for now. There will be at least an 'R' part toward the end, which I have to tell you I am already blushing about writing.
Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of the genius of Joss Whedon and Co.
Legends of the Kiss
(Part 5a)
By Mariacomet
When two people love, they share one another’s pain. They stand in a circle with one another by choice, so when winter comes, neither can hide from the chill.
How did we get here? I wanted to hope. Beyond all logic, all doubt, all thought, I wanted to believe in magic with her. My heart, that foolish cavern of wishes, needed to feel more than emptiness. I was alone before I met her. I knew those shoes and I knew that path. I don’t know this one. What harm in letting her believe? In trying to find some part of me that still believes too and letting it run free? Candlelight is romantic and it may lead you up a dark staircase, but it can still burn. It is still fire and that is the reality.
Willow was not one to back down from a decision once it was made. She had always been able to bravely follow through, even if the consequences were not quite what she’d expected. Willow’s head was still held high, the frame of her features were open and confident. However, she was not happy with the turn of events that had led them here. Strength was more illusion then substance, and Tara could see doubt peeking through the cracks of the façade. More than that, she could see fear.
“The story that Mr. Giles told us, you mean you think Willow is THAT queen?” Tara asked trying to clarify.
Xander pulled out a chair rather gallantly and motioned to it. “Here you go, your majesty.” Willow blinked at him but sat down.
“What do you want from her?” The blonde asked, trying to bring some sense to this place.
Willow’s best friend smiled pleasantly, as if a child was asking a question of him, and he was seeking to instruct. “She’s playing the white side of the board. Her move.” He noted. “It’s an old question - The Lady or the Tiger? Two roads diverging in an empty wood…”
The redhead looked at him in shock. “Suddenly you know poetry? Have I mentioned how incredibly weird this whole thing is? I mean, this is like – First Slayer weird.”
Tara looked to the monster again - jellylike and crawling, with its disfigured, large head and its cowardice. The beast was so hideously ugly that it was bound to inspire fear. Tara was not immune to this. Even as the implications of what this place was began to settle in her mind and she realized that nothing here could truly harm her, she was afraid. How could that be Willow? This place? The monster? She turned then to her ex-lover, watching the play of emotions there. She’s more afraid then I am.
A spotlight grew from a pinpoint to a wide circle to the left of them. “Shhh.” Xander said. “This is the best part.”
The light was harsh, too bright for such a setting. It revealed a young woman with long red hair parted in the middle. She was dressed in a green jumpsuit, her features creased in agitation. Beside her was a pile of books. The green beast crawled to her and settled at her feet.
“I’m supposed to read all the books.” The girl said with a frown. “And then… I’m supposed to read them again. Out loud. But I must be quiet or I’ll get in the way.” The distress was growing more vivid on her features. “Only I’m always in the way. In Buffy’s way too, when I don’t do what I’m told. I have to do what I’m told.” She bit her lower lip lightly. “I… I’ll just have to be quieter.”
Two others appeared in the light. Tara recognized Willow’s mother. They had met once and only once. Mrs. Rosenberg had gotten her name wrong, and Willow had allowed it. The encounter was fleeting at best, anyway. As far as Tara knew, Willow’s mom didn’t even know that her daughter had moved out of the dorms at UC- Sunnydale.
She assumed the man was her ex-lover’s father. She had seen pictures and they vaguely resembled this man before them.
At the sight of them, the girl with the books stood up and began waving her hands frantically. “Here! I’m over here! I’m over here!!”
The man turned to the woman. “Did you hear something?” He asked.
Willow’s mother tilted her head to one side. “I think that was our daughter.”
Mr. Rosenberg looked confused. “Do we have a daughter?”
“But… but, look… I’m reading all the books.” The child in the jumpsuit said meekly.
“I don’t know.” Mrs. Rosenberg said to her husband with a similar casual curiosity. She brightened after a moment. “Maybe not.” Together they wandered out of the light. The child watched them go, motionless until they had left her.
“Do you know what happens next?” Xander asked Willow softly. Her eyes were glued to the scene, her answer came in the form of a slow nod. The assurance of one who had made a decision and was content to stick with her guns was rapidly fading from her. She looked more and more like she just wanted this place to go away.
The child look up at the tower of books, and slowly lifted another from the pile. Quietly, she began to read. She read them slowly, piling them from one side of herself to the other.
The ironic sadness of the situation felt crushing to Tara. The little girl who wanted so much to please everyone, finding that such a feat was impossible, but unable to stop trying. The cold was rising in the air, freezing wind that bit at fingers and toes. I’m at Willow’s side in the snowstorm, and if I could I’d send her inside and bear it for her. I don’t know where we are. I don’t know the rules here.
The spotlight went out, and once more, the only light was the strange glowing blue.
“The Queen was supposed to be our savior.” Xander explained to Tara, his expression neutral. “She left us. She wanted to pretend that we never were.”
“I changed.” Willow said in small, lost voice.
Xander shook his head in the negative, his face still lacking judgment for or against her. “You just got good at hiding.” Xander motioned to the beast, who raised its head for just a moment. “Once a monster, always a monster, Will.”
Tara’s anger had been building and now was completely roused. No one had the right to make Willow feel like she was anything but Willow, her Willow. She lifted her chin proudly. “Willow is Willow. I don’t know who you really are but…”
“He’s right.” Willow told her ex-girlfriend in a small voice.
“You said you didn’t want to play.” Came another voice. It was Willow… another Willow, with a pout in place, dressed all in leather. Slowly, in a sultry walk, the doppelganger circled her true self, looking her up and down. “But you’ve been playing without me, haven’t you?” The real Willow stared at the vampire, and if she had looked terrified before, she was horrified now. “That was very naughty.” Her vampiric self gave a teasing smile and moved to stand beside the green cowering creature. She touched its head lightly, then moved her hand tickling under its chin. The vampire version of Willow straightened and gave her true self a little wink. “You’re me… or it. Either way…” She gave a little happy sigh. “Monster.”
Xander, the vampire, even Willow herself were talking around issues, or past them, the conversations were nonlinear. Tara’s mind, rooted through the words trying to find the nature of where she was. It was coming clearer every moment, but something about the core still evaded her. It was like knowing the details of a crime scene without knowing the actual crime. A monster is something to be afraid of. Something that hurts you or maybe something that you think wants to hurt you. Willow says that she IS the monster. This place is her, that’s what she said. I thought I was a demon, but I had been lied to. Is that what this is, a lie that Willow accepted? That feels wrong – I think everything’s coming from her. Just from her. I know Xander, but the others – they must be illusions. Illusions created by Willow? No… from Willow. The difference is subtle. So then Willow has been telling herself that she’s a monster? Why? “How… How is it that you’re suddenly a monster?” Tara’s question was an attempt to reach out as much as to gather understanding.
“Nothing here is sudden.” The hacker answered, bitterness hedging her voice.
Okay, I thought this couldn’t get more strange, Tara thought, I guess I was wrong. I’ve lived in Sunnydale three years. I can handle this.
The vampire rolled her eyes. “Bored now. Willow was a very bad girl, not to tell you about me. I feel all left out. ”
“She did tell me about you.” Tara was glad to have something along the lines of a coherent topic. “At least I think it was you. She mentioned leather and…” Her brow furrowed. Willow had used a lot of words including ‘skanky’ as Tara now recalled. “Actually I don’t think it’s a good idea to repeat her description just now.”
“That’s cute. You really think you know.” She leaned in very close to Tara. “Do you want to know a secret?” Her eyes roamed over Tara lazily and she deliberately leaned in even closer to inhale the fragrance of blonde’s hair. “I can tell you a lot of secrets about sweet little Willow.” Tara was about to calmly, but firmly request that the undead woman back away, but her ex-lover beat her to the punch.
“Stay away from her.” Willow growled. Her voice was tinged with a combination of rage and power. It was the same inflection that Tara had heard her use on Sweet, the demon who had caused them to sing their secrets to one another. Behind the words was the promise that retribution would be soon and swift, if the command wasn’t followed. As if I needed any proof that the darkness and the temptation for her to give in was still there. Will that ever change? Will it always be just a question of making her angry enough or frightened enough?
Her evil twin stepped back, and the redhead relaxed slightly. It was hard to feel totally at easy when the vampire looked even more content. “Too late for that. We could make it a game. Like Truth or Dare.”
“I don’t think that game would be such a good idea here.” Tara said.
A slow feral smile curved the lips of the leather clad woman. “Awww, she still doesn’t understand. Not too late. See? Not too late. Burn the book and Dorothy goes back to Kansas.”
The words seemed to sink into the red haired witch, shattering that which had once been resolute inside her. The redhead took a few steps toward the fire.
“There must be another way.” The statement was partially a plea from the hacker to Xander. He had always been her friend, it was as if Willow was hoping he would continue to be, even here.
“You don’t mean another way. You mean an ‘easy’ way.” Xander shot back, seeming almost amused. “You knew the terms. Everything. What did you think that meant? Roses? Chocolates? Tickets to a concert?”
The hideous beast threw back its head and let out a howl. Meanwhile a solitary light rose on the girl in the jumpsuit again. She was still reading. This time the pile of books on the ‘finished’ side had grown immensely. The child would never truly be done, though. That was the nature of this place. Vampire Willow took a few steps forward and gave a soft snort, then crossed her arms over her chest.
Willow took in the guise of all three, and then turned one more to Xander. Her oldest friend’s face was emotionless. He slid his hands into his pockets. The hacker had seen enough. She moved forward suddenly, till she was standing at the edge of the pit. At her approach the flames seemed to dance higher as if they were hungry. Her eyes were locked on them now, as if she was entranced.
“Wait.” Tara called, following her. Tara wasn’t sure what to say. They had come here and there had to be something for them to do. Wasn’t that the way these things worked? “Ever since we got here, I feel like everything around me is moving a hundred miles an hour and I’m standing still. I know that you’re scared. And this is a pretty scary place, but I know that’s not why you’re scared. The last time you looked like that was that one time Miss Kitty Fantastico ran away.” Or when Buffy died. Or when I left, Tara thought to herself.
“You don’t understand.”
That was true, but Willow wasn’t helping and they both knew it. “Then explain it to me. You say you’re a monster and that this place is you and then you don’t say anything.”
“I’m sorry.” Willow whispered and stretched out her hand slowly, the book held by an unsteady hand over the means of its destruction.
Tara was close enough to intervene and did so. She cupped Willow’s face. “Look at me.” Her ex-girlfriend refused, so, carefully, the blonde turned her head until their eyes met. “Tell me what you’re so afraid to face.”
“I know I asked you to do this.” Willow began, managing to lift her eyes from the flames long enough to address Tara. “I thought I knew what I was doing. Famous last words right?” She managed half a smile at her own joke, even if it did hold a sad truth
So many nights at her Tara’s side, Willow had been restless, thoughts coming at her in unceasing waves. Tara would gather her close and only then would she close her eyes. Tara would kiss her forehead lightly and think ‘My warrior.’ As if Willow had heard her, she would smile just a moment after the kiss.
“Willow,” Tara whispered urgently, “tell me what’s making you feel this way.”
“You said you believed in me. I guess the truth is that I don’t believe in myself.“ Her fingers ran over the edges of the book, the flames before her popped greedily. “I can’t believe that if you know… everything… you’ll still…Tara, you don’t know who I am.”
How could Willow say that? Tara had felt like half a person since they’d separated. Incomplete days wound into endless nights. “You’re the one I’ve shared everything with for two years. You’re the one who waged war on a god to save me. You’re the one…”
“That you’re leaving.” Willow said, anger and pain riding high in her voice.
The words were like a bell tolling. Tara’s hands fell away from her former lover. She and Willow had followed the legend and begun building another castle in the sky. Such things were bound to tumble and fall. It was only a matter of time. Didn’t I tell myself that too much had happened, Tara asked herself. Did I really believe that one kiss would change everything? I just wanted… what? To forget that anything had ever happened? To - just for a moment - be the Tara that loved Willow without fear? Did I really think in the deepest part of me that it would be easy? I should have been stronger. I should be now.
The real world was a somber place. It closed in around them. “Y-you’re right.” Tara answered quietly “I shouldn’t have… I was just so tired of fighting myself. But you don’t owe me anything. I don’t know what I expected would happen.”
Willow turned toward Tara, the world was spinning somewhere behind her eyes. Her back was partially facing the fire now, causing shadow and light to war for dominion over her features. Two tears that had been hiding in Willow’s eyes fell, running down her cheeks, leaving glistening trails of silver. Slowly she lowered the book back to her side. “I don’t know if you noticed but I’m having kind of a weak moment here." The half-hearted attempt at a joke was grim, but strength was beginning to radiate from deep inside her.
Fear had reminded Willow of it's influence but now another power was consuming her. Her heart, her mind, her will focused on the picture of Tara with reverent awe. It bolstered her.
Willow fought to steady herself, her voice, her skittish resolve. "You deserve someone who’s willing to do anything for you. I want to be that person. And no matter what happens… this way you’ll know. You’ll always know. You’re my everything.” Willow pushed the book into Tara’s hands. "Take this. If I keep it, I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to let you see.”
The hacker stepped back and wiped at her face, her shoulders straightening. “These things, they’re my secrets. Who I was, who I’m afraid I am. They’re how I see myself, before Buffy, Actually, um… even after her.” Gathered bravery tried to escape, but Willow’s resolve was strong and she continued after another deep breath. “When I was younger, I never made any decisions for myself. It was all about doing what I was told. I was weak and no one… no one wanted anything to do with me. Not even my parents. I wasn’t very good at anything except school work. I would let people use me. I’d know they were doing it but I thought if I could help, then… then it would be different.”
“But that… that doesn’t make you a monster.” Tara told her gently. “And…Xander was your friend. He’s been your friend all your life.”
Xander walked toward them, Vampire Willow and the beast falling in step beside him. “She bothered me.” He said. “She was so weak and accommodating. Always letting people walk all over her, and getting cranky with her friends for no reason.”
“Even Xander… he didn’t see all of me.” Willow continued softly. “I was just good old reliable Willow.”
Xander nodded almost enthusiastically. “You were like a guy. You were my guy friend that knew about girl stuff.” The words made the redhead wince and the memories were thick for a moment. She folded her hands in front of her and stared at the ground. “Sometimes she used to wonder if that’s why Buffy picked her for a friend. You’ve heard of that haven’t you? Pretty girl hanging out with a plain girl because of the whole non-threatening ego building thing?”
“But she is beautiful.” The vampire commented. “She’s all dark and angry inside. Mmm… it’s breathtaking. Does she know about D’Hoffryn?”
“No.” Willow said simply, making no effort to explain any further, knowing that her evil twin would take great delight in filling in the gaps.
Willow had her head bowed, standing quietly, rigidly. It was a meek pose, one of surrender. She’s leaving it to them to tell me, Tara realized and the implications of that began to tumble over her. No defenses, no excuses…just…She’s just going to stand there.
Sure enough, the vampire seemed delighted. “Oz hurt her, so sweet little Willow wanted to hurt Oz. She was going to do a spell… hmmm… seems to be a trend with the people she says she loves. Only with Oz, she stopped herself. ”
It was meant to be a blow. Tara kept her expression as it was, merely waiting. Willow needs me to hear this, she reminded herself silently. All of it. “What was the spell?” Tara asked calmly.
“She wanted to cause him pain.” The former replied. “She wanted him to never known happiness again. But…she just couldn’t go through with it.” The pout was back, even more prominent then usual. “Poor Willow was all alone… and no one listened to her. She did another spell but it went wrong. Or… maybe it didn’t. Maybe the part of her that wanted revenge on all her so-called friends was just the strongest part of her. Her magic is strong, but her pain — it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls.” She gave a little laugh. “Where was I? Oh yeah… D’Hoffryn. He offered her a job as a vengeance demon.”
“That’s what Anya was.” Tara remembered.
“Sweet little Willow said no, of course. But D’Hoffyrn gave her a talisman, just in case she ever changed her mind.” A mischievous expression came over her. “Want to have some fun? Why don’t you ask her if she kept it?” The woman in leather strolled around Willow. “Course not. Sweet little Willow wouldn’t keep a demon’s talisman, now would she?”
“I have it.” The hacker admitted. “I couldn’t… I didn’t want to get rid of it. I don’t know why.”
The vampire licked her lips. “She likes the power. She likes the way it tastes.”
“She doesn’t know who she is anymore without the magic.” Xander said quietly.
The spotlight rose again and the woman with the whip, the man with the letter jacket and others began to surround the child in the jumpsuit and her books. One by one they began to point and laugh. The girl drew in closer to herself, trying to make herself smaller and just kept reading.
Somewhere beyond the mocking, an unseen child began to cry again. The winter was thick in the air, molding around the scene, its icy fingers slowly stealing the life out of whatever it touched. Tara knew the sound of a child’s cry and the way it could burn in the air, refusing to be ignored. It raised above all the other noises.
“No,” Tara insisted and stepped closer to Willow. “You’re more than this.”
“You never knew her before. You saw the magic in her.” Xander pointed out to Tara. “Isn’t that what you first saw? That she was powerful?”
“I saw that she was different.” Tara countered, her eyes were beseeching Willow to look up, but the hacker didn’t.
“Because of the magic.” Xander stated again.
And then standing there in the mass of noise and confusions was Oz, hands deep in his pockets, stoic look in place. “Love is a funny thing.” Oz said with a little shrug. “You get blinders on. Honest mistake.”
The little girl looked up from the books to where the werewolf stood. Tears shimmered in her eyes. She hugged a book to her chest, as if she was trying to force the pain to stay inside and not overcome her. The child walked to the beast and knelt at its side. She lifted its head. It whined softly.
“We don’t belong to anyone.” The little girl said.
You belong to me, Tara wanted to say. It was there on the tip of her tongue but wouldn’t stumble forward. She didn’t know if it was true. The hesitation was still there, as was the fear. This place is the sound of a heart beating. This is all Willow has, all she has been. I have been the caretaker of her heart, but there were locked rooms that she never let me see. Why didn’t she tell me there were so many rooms?
She knew why. We all think we have secrets we can’t tell.
The lady in leather pinched Oz’s rear playfully but his expression didn’t change. “Did she tell you she threatened Giles? Giles dared to question her. He didn’t understand that it’s dangerous to piss her off. You felt the dark, didn’t you sweet little Willow? You were standing there staring at him and you wanted to show him. Only he almost saw… so you had to start being a good girl again, quick – before he really caught on. But when he left… you knew no one else could see. But Tara did. You didn’t expect that. You tried to make her all blind again. Wanted to have your cake and… ” The vampire gave the young blonde a leer. “And eat it too.”
“She said she loved Oz, but then I noticed her.” Xander said quietly. He laid a hand on Willow’s shoulder. “Finally, I was seeing her the way she wanted to be seen. She could have walked away, but she didn’t. It was about power then, too. She was toying with it like she always does. Lost between one monster and another.”
One by one, the child, Oz, Vampire Willow, Xander and the beast faded away. The lights lowered until there was only Willow and Tara - and near them the oak tree glowing softly with a strange blue light.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited January 12, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited February 07, 2002).]
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