The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe Willow & Tara Forever

by **birdie brain** » Sun Jun 03, 2001 5:34 pm

I really don't know what to say about this fic...it's kinda goofy, kinda fun (i hope) and reall quite silly. Enjoy!

'Pssst!'
Tara's head was already trying to process too much information. The physics problem her professor had just set could really wait until the weekend, but it had illicitly niggled its way into her mind, and wouldn't go away until an annoyingly catchy tune should happen by and take its place. Far more importantly, she had rashly promised Willow that she would cook something extra special for dinner tonight, and she had absolutely no idea how to make pasta and rice fit that description.
'Pssst! Tara!'
Tara simultaneously swung round to locate the small voice, and dropped her books.
'Oww!'
Tara knelt to collect her textbooks, her big, blue eyes widening in surprise.
'Anya? You're in a bush!'
The curly blonde head looked around fearfully from the sidewalk shrubbery, rubbing her head..
'Well, duh! You have to protect me. With your magic. You know, thing.'
Tara knelt by the hiding girl. 'What's the matter? Is someone after you?'
'Bunnies!' Anya spat.
Tara found she'd forgotten her physics problem.

'Ta-da!' Willow announced, throwing a sexy shape, as Tara came through the door. She was wearing just a cute orange crop-top and bikini panties, and looked for all the world like she about to launch into a cheer-leading routine. She frowned when she saw the perturbed look on her girlfriend's face.
'My lecture was cancelled,' she explained, 'I thought we could…'
'Hello Willow.' Anya announced from behind Tara.
Willow flushed bright red, and grabbed for her pants.
'Don't mind me,' Anya said brightly. 'I was just looking at your body. It's nice.'
'Say what?' Willow stuttered, flustered.
'It's quite like mine, but you have fatter thighs. I love bodies. They're so much fun. I'd like to have breasts like Tara's, though. I'm sure Xander would like me to have bigger breasts.'
'Xander would like Pammy Anderson to have bigger breasts.' Willow muttered. She shot Tara a 'what is she doing here?' look.
Tara ushered Anya into the room. 'Anya thinks…um, is, being pursued by bunnies.'
'Bunnyheads.' Anya corrected.
Willow looked from one to another. 'Bunnyheads?'
Tara lowered her head in embarrassment. 'They're guys….'
'With rabbit's heads!' Anya finished adamantly.
Willow crossed her legs on the bed and grinned broadly. 'You guys!'
'Take me seriously!' Anya howled. 'Would I joke about bunnies?'
Willow bit her tongue. 'Why don't you tell me all about it, Anya?'
Anya looked nervously at Tara, who put a comforting arm around her shoulder.
'Well, I was on my way to work this morning, because, of course, Xander was too busy to drive me, and there he was. Bold as you like!'
'A bunnyhead?'' Willow said faintly.
'A bunnyhead.' Tara confirmed, sadly.
'He had grey slacks, and a white shirt and a Riverdance cap.'
'Stylish.'
'Willow, be quiet, I'm talking. And do you know what he did?'
'Bit you?'
By the pained expression on Tara's face, she had already heard this story.
'He walked straight past me! Without so much as a by-your-leave.'
Anya went on to described to the two bemused witches how she had encountered another three of these bizarre creatures before jumping into the bush and hiding until Tara had happened along..
The two girls went into a huddle.
'So,' Tara said softly, 'Do you think she's gone mental?'
Willow looked concerned. 'This is Sunnydale. It's not beyond the pale that people's greatest fears should start to manifest.'
'Bunnyheads?'
'I guess it is kind of loony-toons.'
'I can hear you!' Anya piped up from the other side of the room.
'Could we try a spell? A spell of clarity, or something?' Tara asked anxiously.
'Don't need a spell, need a phone.' Willow announced determinedly. She picked up the telephone and started dialling.
'Hello, Xand? It's Will. There's no easy way to put this. Your girl's gone tonto, and needs to be shipped back to Blighty for R&R, you over-active sex-machine!'
Anya grabbed the phone from Willow, and threw it on the floor. The two began to scrap childishly. Tara sighed and went to respond to the gentle knocking on the door, that had been going on throughout this exchange.

The shy young man outside the door lowered his head when the pretty blonde opened the door.
'Oh hi, um, Tara. I brought some, um books round for Willow. And…err…some chemical she wanted from the lab.'
Tara tutted. 'I disapprove!' she disapproved. 'I would ask you but in but …'
'Ah!!! He's one of them! Bunnyhead!'
A Willow-shaped arm darted through the door and grabbed Peter's arm, dragging the poor young man into the room.
Willow unceremoniously plonked Peter down onto a wooden chair. 'Pull the curtains, Tara!'
'They're already pulled.'
'Just checking!'
Willow grabbed a flashlight and switched off the lights. In the relative gloom, she turned on the flashlight and shone it in Peter's eyes.
'Are you,' she said sternly, 'Or have you ever been, a bunnyhead?'
He grinned goofily at them. 'Oh yeah!'
This stopped Willow's witch-hunt in full flight. 'What?'
'I am…you know…a bunnyhead.'
Anya was practically dancing round the room with vindication. 'Told them. Would they believe me. No. Anya's one cent short of a buck. Anya's got sex-induced psychosis. Believe in me, I said, and exorcise the devil!'
'You could go down a notch on the messianic.' Tara suggested.
'What do you want of us, you black-hearted bunny?' Anya continued.
'Well, I sorta wanted an excuse to see Willow. I like Willow.'
The not too bright Peter suddenly caught on. He pointed at Anya and giggled. 'You're scared of bunnies, aren't ya?'
'No!'
'Only people who are scared of bunnies can see us. And who the hell is scared of bunnies?'
Tara couldn't resist a little smirk.
'So, what…and who? Why? And where was I? And all the bits….did they get tidied up?' Willow was in full burble mode. Peter handed her a small book entitled, 'A short history of Bunnyheadism'
Willow opened the book and began to read.

'The earliest recorded report of bunnyhead activity can be found in The Bible (Thrombosis, Chapter Seven, Verse Five):
'And then he came upon a group of men, arguing and fighting amongst themselves, and acting stoopid. And he was perplexed, for they had the heads of the humble rabbit. And he paid them off with silver coins so that they would go away, saying of them, "Bleeding bunnyheads."'
This early example of Christian charity was to plague our bunny-headed friends for centuries to come. Bunnyhead noblemen in the 18th Century were usually regarded as lower than the lowest sewer scum. In 'Martin Chuzzlewit' Charles Dickens wrote, 'Mr. Fekkinbore was unpopular among the right and just in both the higher and lower circles of London society. He was known as a jaded scoundrel; and as little more than a lowly bunnyhead.'
This popular view of the bunny as a cackling fool, a surly wastrel riddled with myxamatosis and the pox, seems to have pursued the many bunnyhead clans right up to the middle of this century. While they had gained some strongholds in the American colonies, they wandered Europe almost aimlessly, some settling in Belgium and Austria, where they annoyed people.

Willow shut the book. 'It's all rather silly, isn't it, Peter?'
He shrugged. 'Our curse. You know rabbits are kinda dumb. So we disguised ourselves to look like you guys. Thought we might get given a go. Hasn't worked out so well though. I mean, David Icke, Tipper Gore, Liz Hurley. Get my drift?'
'So how come Anya suddenly starts seeing you guys today?' Tara asked.
'Oh, my folks are in town. There's a lot of them. Bunny phobics only see how we really are if they're up close and personal.'

'If this guy is on the level,' Willow whispered to Tara, 'Then Jesus was cared of bunnies!

Alone at last. The queerest of days. The two young lovers regarded each other, cute smiles of bemused amusement on each lovely face.
'Now,' Willow said, in her naughtiest voice. 'We can get down to what I've been looking forward to all day.
Tara shivered in anticipation.
'Dinner!' Willow pronounced, rubbing her tummy. 'I'm starving. What are we having?'
All Tara could think of was physics.

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The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe Willow & Tara Forever

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