Fic: Since You've Been Gone

[Chance]

Feedback: Mmm… yes. Almost as addicting as nicotine, almost as good as the fettucine alfredo my Mom makes (ALMOST… and we’re Irish. Heh.) I love it, so lemme know what you think.
Spoilers: Ummm, THE GIFT, after that, none of this is likely.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Pairing: W/T, and unrequited F/B (as of yet. Haven’t decided)
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Summary: Well, see, the idea here is to make a musical myself. We’ll see how it goes, oh yeah, and Faith helps Willow cope.
Note: The song is James Taylor's "Fire and Rain", it was trimmed a bit to suit my purposes, but you get the idea. I don't own this, but I love it, and I just wanted to say Yay! James Taylor.

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter One: My Time Is At Hand

She had been sitting there, staring blankly into space for three hours. She hadn't cried, but he could sense she was grieving more deeply than any of the others could understand. He knew though. He knew how deeply the pain could run through your veins, the urge to fall into darkness there, lurking. After all of the rehabilitation in the world, her death was the final battle between good and evil. He knew because they both had loved her, differently of course, but loved her just the same. The difference was, he had had her, and she had not. In her death, she knew how he felt; she couldn't have known Faith's true feelings. Faith had never had the opportunity to tell her. He pondered for a moment, knowing Buffy had been more perceptive than she seemed. He knew she must have known on some level, but he had always wondered if she accepted it. Now Faith was stuck unrequitedly loving the dead. "Watching you watching me as you lurk around in the shadows isn't helping, Angel." Her voice was tired, weary. It broke with the weight of her sadness. He couldn't believe she had finally spoken.

"I was worried."

"I know." She sighed deeply, and the tears started to flow. One single drop at first, paving it's way on the descent down her cheek, carving into the exterior of her flesh. It was a rare moment to see Faith overcome, but she was. Soon after that, the full force of her emotions broke through her distant resolve. She crumbled before him, and there was nothing relieving about it.

He made his way over to her, slowly, but as her body wracked harder against the sobs, he found himself instantly at her side. She fell into his arms, only for the comfort of it, finding her safety and her bravado gone. "I don't know what to do." Her own words made it harder to console her. "I'm lost now."

Angel just nodded.

* * *

It had been days since her release from prison, days since the news that Buffy... "Oh B." She mumbled. The quaking inside of her had yet to subside, but it was manageable. She had followed Angel to this bar, and all the cryptic bastard would say about it was that she would find her way once again. She couldn't believe she'd even told him how she felt. But she knew, somewhere, he'd understood. As much as she found it difficult to be comfortable in his presence, she knew he was the one person who understood everything she had to offer. He was the person who was most like her. The bar was livelier than she had expected, and much more ridiculous. For a man that broods as much as Angel does, she would have imagined a darker, more gothic setup. He had taken her to a goddamn karoake bar. "You can't be serious." She looked at him, after they had been seated.

"You're going to have to trust me, Faith." And that was all he'd say on the matter.

A green horned son of a bitch (at least, in Faith's estimation) walked towards the table. Faith gawked openly at him. "Angel, good to see you. Will you be singing this evening?"

"Faith, this is the Host." Faith nodded, her face taking on a disapproving look. "She's singing." Faith's eyes bulged from their sockets.

"You can't be serious!"

Angel looked at her with his deep eyes, and Faith remembered how easily a girl could find him attractive. But the feeling went as quickly as it came, Faith knew only her pain now. "I am."

Faith merely sighed at this; she had lost the will to fight with her death. The Host pushed a songbook across the table at her. He smiled, but it seemed apologetic, pitying. With a nod, he wandered off to his seat by the bar, not pushing, just waiting. Faith picked up the book in her hands, still unbelieving that she was expected to do this. She flipped through, glancing briefly at the pages. She wasn't in the mood for most of the music. Angel watched her as she searched the pages. When she stopped suddenly, he took notice. She glanced up. "I'm ready."

* * *

Faith stood on stage. Her presence commanded the attention of the bar, the whole audience watched her. If she was nervous, it didn't show. As the opening chords played, Angel found himself both surprised and accepting of her choice. It was not what he would have expected, but it was fitting. Her voice came out, clear and deep through the audience. Her pain struck a note in every being there.

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Seems that the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

Her voice conveyed the grief Angel knew laid deep within her but remained untapped until now. He could hear her start to quiver as the chorus and all its meaning overtook her. No longer was she singing the song consciously, it was now a reflex, an action performed without her consent.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Angel wondered briefly if she'd sing the next verse, wondering if she could take it, but still her voice filled the room. It was entrancing. She was lost in herself, but her voice betrayed her like so many others before it. Her emotion swept through the audience and reverberated back against her. Angel wondered if she knew she had a nice voice.

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus?
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now

When it was over, and her eyes slowly unclenched and finally opened, she was greeted with a silence among every inhabitant at the bar. Everyone stared at her, taking in her emotions and dealing with what she had just presented to them. It was difficult, for a mixed venue of demons and humans, still there was not a dry eye in the house. Faith glanced over them, her dark eyes searching for a sign of cruelty or obnoxiousness, finding none; she stepped off the stage. The crowd erupted into applause. She smiled, genuinely, for the first time since... She smiled and sat back down next to Angel.
____________________________________________

Chapter Two has Willow and Tara, I'm working on Chapter Three. I'll post two when I'm done with Three, that way I'm always a step a head of you.

I know Buffy has already come back, but hey, this is fun to write.

-Chance

[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 03, 2001).]

[Puff]

You can never have too much Faith in a story. Great beginning Chance and I look forward to Willow and Tara being introduced.

[Forrister]

Good to see more fics here. Nice to see Faith cavorting across Different Coloured Pens.

Fide, non armis.
(By faith, not arms.)

[Ressick]

That's my girl.

*smile*

Res

[nika]

A fic with faith cool!Waiting impatiently for w/t moments.

[Puff]

I've read some really good Faith fic recently, it is so nice to see some good quality fiction about her.

If you don't believe me then check out Dreiser's 'Neither angels nor demons' about Faith and her first watcher. Which can be found here.
http://www.geocities.com/dreiserfic/dreiser.htm

And Tommo's 'This is how it feels' about Faith/Cordelia, which can be found here.
http://www.angelfire.com/bc3/slayerandseer/index.html

Sorry to plug non Willow/Tara fic on the pens. But these two stories deserve a mention and the authors are kitties...if that means anything.

[tommo]

Um...thanks Puff. Cheque's in the mail.

Anyway, Chance. It's great to see you writing again. I've missed your work. And this is off to a fine start. I would love to see Faith sing at the Caritas, if only to hear what kind of a voice she has. And I'm looking forward to seeing her more compassionate side with Willow in this fic.

------------------
"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity

[Chance]

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is from "The Secret Garden", again, it's been altered a bit to serve my purpose, but I think it's worth it and it comes out well.

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Two: Hold On

Willow hadn't gotten out of bed in five days, and Tara was beginning to worry she never would. Both of their sets of eyes, green and blue, were bloodshot and red tinged from the harbor of tears that flowed from them and was now collecting on their floor. Past were the hours where they clung to each other, limb wrapped in limb, holding each other for comfort. The hours they had spent slowly inspecting each other's bodies, inspecting their closest connection, as if just to prove the other was still there. It was a horrible dream they had both been living in, but it was time to realize it was reality. Tara had been driven by the need to take care of Dawn. Willow still had yet to even converse with the girl, Tara guessed that the pair of Summers had become sisters to her lover. She recognized how hard it was to not be reminded of the eldest by the youngest. She sighed, examining her love's form. It was familiar, consistent, but despite the hours Tara had spent buried in deep immersion (which was how Tara regarded their lovemaking, immersion in Willow) with that body and its beauty, she couldn't help but think of it as sad now. Willow looked, in a word, defeated.

Tara sighed, crossing and sitting on the bed next to her lover, a supportive hand resting on the red head's back. Her hand began it's own motion of a stroke, comforting enough, she mused. She continued to caress Willow's back, her eyes' inspection continuing. Her girl was beautiful she had to admit. A young face that expressed its owner’s emotions so keenly, Tara almost wept at the freedom of it. She hadn't known true liberty until she met Willow. She hadn't known happiness, either. Her head tilted, her face fell into her contemplative look. The skin beneath her fingers was soft, like silk as she grazed her fingers over it. The red hair that spilt over Willow's shoulders was perhaps her lover's most eye-catching feature. It was, after all, what caught Tara's. It reminded her of a flame at the time, with the intensity of the color. She remembered describing it once as bright as the flash of red that stole behind your eyelids in heat. She smiled at the recollection. She stole a glance at her perhaps favorite part of her girl's body: Willow's thighs. Tara had spent many hours nipping at the skin just at the tops, running her hands slowly up the length of them, reveling in the cream white of her lover's skin. Oh yes, Willow hand was incredible, and she responded to it... in ways she had never before even imagined. (She imagined the "Scoobies" would be amazed at the frequency of her mental sexual escapades. She often reflected that she rivaled Xander.) But Willow's thighs resulted in many more fantasies, daydreams in class, that far away place she went to when her brain shut down, in the huge sexy smile on her face as she walked through campus.

Willow didn’t budge under Tara’s intense gaze and her hands’ gentle ministrations. Willow was essentially dead to the world, vaguely reminiscent of Rip Van Winkle. Tara sighed, feeling the ache of loneliness. Yes, Willow was asleep in their bed, and certainly, Willow was physically here. But Willow flitted in and out emotionally. Tara knew it was nothing to do with her or their relationship, it was Willow that had initiated their lovemaking just a few hours before. It was Willow that tenderly and deliberately brought Tara to a full climax and whispered of her beauty and of her love for Tara softly in her ear as she did it. Tara had no doubt her lover still very much wanted to be with her. The problem was, Tara very much wanted to be with Willow. Her Willow was hidden somewhere inside this woman who was now sleeping soundly. She missed her love so desperately, she debated for a moment if shaking this woman and demanding Willow back would be a sound course of action. She knew of course, that the plan was silly. But she imagined Willow’s “eyes” opening, and suddenly everything would be okay. Their lives would continue on as they had, they’d be a couple again, they’d be the soulmates. Willow would help her grieve, and Tara would help her stop.

She could see it now, the way their future would be. She could just make out their home, she knew their child, Tara dreams in the future tense. She could hear Anya and Xander and their five kids roaming around their house every weekend. (They will have lots of children; they both enjoy sex too much. Tara giggled; thinking of Anya’s various sexual mutterings. They love each other, too.) Dawn bringing home her first serious boyfriend (her first Willow, to draw a comparison.) Giles standing as the Grandfather and Father to them all – cutting the turkey on Thanksgiving. Tara’s lips pulled at the corners, demanding to be lifted. The smile felt right, happy, as if her face has been awaiting that certain expression her whole life. As if she and Willow were cosmically right for one another, and every element in existence had known it before them. Quite simply, Tara has stake in Willow.

But she simply couldn’t continue on this way. Something’s got to give, she thought. She moved from Willow’s side to the window. She felt a slight thrill of selfish joy when Willow moaned at the loss of the closeness between them. Even in her sleep, Willow was connected to her. Now all she had to do was get the connection to function as stability for the chaos of her love’s emotions. She sat, staring at the window. Something was coming; something would make it easier. “Someone?” Tara guessed. She settled, staring at the moon, praying it would come soon.

Tara’s eyes closed, and she began to sing softly, she sang the lullaby her mother sang her when she was scared.

“When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It’s too late to run,
There’s terror in your eyes,
What you do then is remember
this old thing you heard me say,
It’s the storm not you,
That’s bound to blow away.
Hold on, hold on to someone standing by,
Hold on, hold on don’t even ask how long or why,
Hold on to what you know is true, hold on till you get through…”

Tara felt her voice get thick with emotion. She was comforting herself and her lover, and she couldn’t think of a better song. The next verse reminded her of the Scoobies, and more especially Buffy.

“When feel your heart is pounding,
Fear a devil’s at your door,
It’s too late to hide,
You’re frozen to the floor,
What you do then is you force yourself
To wake up, and you say…
It’s this dream not me,
That’s bound to go away.”

Well, maybe the demons were real and that wasn’t a dream. Or maybe the nightmares Willow’s been having will be eased. Their mental connection was strong enough, Tara did not doubt Willow’s brain was processing the words she sang even though she slept. As Tara neared the last verse of the song, her voice became powerful and raw, but soft still.

“Hold on hold on the night will soon be by
Hold on hold on until there’s nothing left to try
Hold on, there’s angels on their way,
Hold on and hear them say,
And it doesn’t even matter,
If the danger and the doom
Come from up above,
Or down below,
Or just come flying at you
From across the room!
When you feel your heart is raging
And it’s jealous and it fears
That you’ve lost the friend
You’ve counted on for years,
What you do then is you tell yourself
To wait it out! And you say
It’s this day not you,
That’s bound to go away…
It’s this day not you,
That’s bound to go away.”

Tara’s eyes squeezed shut and a single teardrop ran down her face. Now, literally, Tara had no more tears left to cry.

[mollyig]

Chance, this was brilliant. I love how Tara always seems to know how people feel, and tries to comfort them.

Funny too - "She often reflected that she rivaled Xander"!

Great stuff, looking forward to more!

------------------
"Adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two"
- Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)

[WiccanBex]

ooh! i do love a good faith fic... a fic with willow, tara *and* faith just can't be bad!

and thanks for the links puff - gotta agree with you - they are very good fics and everyone should read them

------------------
"if you throw a stone, something's gonna shatter somewhere. We're all so fragile, we're all so scared."
nocturnal review site

[Puff]

Wow Chance the Willow and Tara stuff was certainly worth waiting for. Great story, I hope Willow gets over her grief and I'm sure Faith will play a part in this.

[Forrister]

I shed a little tear myself reading this. Thanks Chance. Long may you write!

Nihil amanti durum.
(Nothing is hard for one who loves.)

[Chance]

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The dialogue in italics is from Season 3, Graduation Part 1. I didn’t write that, I just borrowed it. The songs are “Control”, Puddle In The Mud, and Michelle Branch’s “Everywhere”.
Dedication: Hey, Ressick? Without you I probably would have stopped writing months ago. This one's for you, hun. (Hope it's worthy of you.) Love ya, hun.

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Three: When I Catch My Breath, It’s You I Breathe

Faith found her way easily to her old motel from the train station. She still knew this town as if she had grown up here. She imagined she could navigate in blind. Luckily, it was a different owner, someone who didn’t know her yet. Just as fat and ugly and old as the old owner, just as likely to try something, but Faith had no worries. She knew he would learn quickly. They all learned once tried.

She walked into her old room, taking in the familiarity. The stains on the carpet were the same, cigarette burns on the sheets were in the same places. The Bible she herself had ripped up was sitting in the drawer with no inner pages. She wondered how this dump even operated anymore. She was tired, it had been a long trip from LA, and she needed to sleep. She flopped down on the bed, her head hit the pillow, and she found herself drifting in to a dreamworld.

Instantly, Faith found herself in the middle of her apartment again, the comic in her hands. The words were so familiar, the music behind her… The music was different. She could feel Buffy entering the room, and before she had made herself known, Faith turned. Buffy smiled at her, and that action seemed more like herself than… B. She never pressed stop on the stereo.

I love the way you look at me,
I feel the pain you place inside,
You lock me up inside your dirty cage
When I’m alone inside my mind…

“Thought I'd stop by.” She was careful, her footsteps placed, as if afraid Faith would simply just spring on her. Without even thinking, Faith felt the reply come from her lips.

“ Is he dead yet?” Damn. Say something else! Change this!

“He's not gonna die. It was a good try, though. Your plan?” Buffy almost seemed proud of her, in a sick way. That’s right B, I’m smart. I just went too far, and you didn’t pull me back. It’s not your fault, though.

“Uh-huh. The Mayor got me the poison. Said it was wicked painful.” Why did I do this?

I’d like to teach you all the rules,
I get to see them set in stone,
I like it when you chain me to the bed
Then your secrets never show.

“There's a cure.” Faith felt herself frown, she just felt sad.

“Damn. What is it?” My blood.

“Your blood. As justice goes, it's not un-poetic, don't you think?” Not at all, B.

“Come to get me? You gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not going to take me alive.” You can still change this.

“Not a problem.”

“Well, look at you. All dressed up in big sister's clothes.” Don’t be like me, this time, B. Fight that impulse.

“You told me I was just like you. That I was holding it in.”

Faith felt herself move towards Buffy, and they stood staring each other down. “Ready to cut loose?”’

I need to feel you, you need to feel me,
I can’t control you, you’re not the one for me, no.
I can’t control you, you can’t control me,
I need to feel you, so why is it evil?

“Try me.” Buffy wanted her dead, that was for sure.

“Okay then. Give us a kiss.” And all the familiarity stops. Finally, she had control of her body. She knew the move was coming, she watched Buffy’s fist rise and move for her jaw. She raised her hand and caught the punch, which was harder thrown than she remembered. Taking the upper hand while she had it, she used the captured arm to pull Buffy closer to her. “No.”

Buffy smirked. “Lost your nerve?”

“I don’t really want to do this B.” Buffy tried to hit her again, but Faith blocked her once more.

I like the way you rake my skin,
I feel the pain you place inside,
I need to get your voice out of my head,
I’m the guy you’ll never find.

Buffy looked at her, surprised. Faith fought well, but in the past, their sparring had proved that Buffy had more control and always had the upper hand. Buffy searched Faith’s eyes and knew. Faith had all the control and she most definitely had the upper hand. Buffy was unnerved by this turn of events, and she was enraged. Faith reasoning with her? Faith stopping the fight she had goaded Buffy into starting? No! It’s a trick! She pushed Faith away and stared at her. “You want to fight. You’ve wanted to fight for months.” She meant to say it matter of factly, but her own doubt plagued her voice. She nearly frowned at the tone, and then went for what she thought was blood. “Scared you’ll lose?”

But Faith’s reaction was not what she expected. The girl’s gaze dropped for a moment as her brain screamed her answer. She took a deep breath and looked back up, searching Buffy's eyes with her own. Her face was at once vulnerable and strong – her lips curled up into a sad smile, her eyes betrayed the chaos that was brewing in her thoughts. When she was sure she had Buffy’s attention, she whispered “I’ve already lost you, B. You’ve been gone, and I couldn’t miss you more.” Her breathing stopped, and her voice was ragged with emotion. “I never wanted this. I wanted you.”

I hope that someday you will let me go,
Release me from my dirty cage!

The silence between them was palpable, and unbearable for Faith. It was as painful as the shadow of the memory of the knife in her gut. Now, in her mind, she was fixing it. This is what she wanted so badly, not what actually transpired. She wished she had had the guts to try it the first time.

I need to feel you, you need to feel me,
I can’t control you, you’re not the one for me, no.
I can’t control you, you can’t control me,
I need to feel you, so why is it evil, you and me?

“Faith, I…” Buffy started, but faltered. Where did this come from? And why now? Why when everything was so awfully messed up?

“Buffy, I want you to know.” Faith took a labored breath. “I wouldn’t want you to… I would want anything to happen to you without you knowing.”

Buffy’s face twisted, she looked confused. “Are you going to kill me?”

“No.” Faith sighed, and stated with some certainty “I don’t kill you B.”

Buffy looked at her more closely. Her gaze was intense, and Faith felt herself gravitating towards her. Their eyes locked, and the passion once so intent on each other’s death, was now geared for the other in a totally different manner. This time, their passion was leading them towards each other in what Faith considered the most gratifying of ways.

I love the way you look at me,
I love the way you smack my ass,
I love the dirty things you do,
When I have control of you!
Closer still, they lingered, both wide eyed and frightened of their own convictions.

I love the way you look at me,
I love the way you smack my ass,
I love the dirty things you do,
When I have control of you!

Inches from each other, Faith’s eyes closed. Her desires and pent-up frustrations were about to be realized and released.

I love the way you look at me,
I love the way you smack my ass,
I love the dirty things you do,
When I have control of you!

Buffy suddenly broke away, looking stunned. Faith’s eyes opened, and they stared at each other with an ill begotten knowledge of star crossed lovers.

I need to feel you, you need to feel me,
I can’t control you, you’re not the one for me, no.
I can’t control you, you can’t control me,
I need to feel you, so why is it evil, you and me?

Buffy’s eyes flashed in an unreadable emotion. “You’re not the one for me” She turned and ran out.

“No!” Faith called.

* * *

Faith woke up, startled and alone. “What the fuck was that?” She sighed and rose from her bed. She grabbed the flask that was tucked away in her jacket, and took a long drink from it, trying to slow her thoughts. She moved to the stereo, willing it to defy her. She flipped on the switch, and the radio blared. She sighed as the opening strands filled the air. For once, the radio defied her and won. She moved to the window, staring out, taking occasional sips from the warming liquid as she sang along, her voice betraying her more than she had hoped.

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that’s drifting over me
And when I wake, you’re, you’re never there,
But when I sleep, you’re, you’re everywhere…
You’re everywhere.
Just tell me how I got this far,
Just tell me why you’re here
And who you are –
Cuz every time I look you’re never there
And every time I see you’re always there
Cuz you’re everywhere to me
When I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You’re everything I know that makes me believe,
I’m not alone – I’m not alone.

I recognize the way you make me feel
It’s why I think that you might not be real
I sense that now the water’s getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me…
Away from me –

Cuz you’re everywhere to me
When I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You’re everything I know that makes me believe,
I’m not alone – I’m not alone.

Let me touch your hand
‘Cuz then I understand
The beauty that’s within,
It’s now that we begin
You always light my way
There never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always see you so –

Cuz you’re everywhere to me
When I close my eyes, it’s you I see
You’re everything I know that makes me believe,
I’m not alone – I’m not alone.

You’re everywhere I see,
So tell me – do you see me?

Faith flicked the radio off as the last chords played out. She glanced back up at the sky, taking another drink from her flask. “Do you see me, Buffy?”

___________________________________________

The next part is another W/T part, and they're meeting up very soon.

Thanks to all those who made such nice supporting comments. I have to admit, I'm nervous about the way the music is working in the fic, but I really wanted to give this a shot. I'm counting on you all to let me know if I've cracked my head on something too hard and I should fix something immediately.

Oh, and Forrister, god how I love those little latin(?) statements. They're so damn awesome.

I'm done now, next part soon to follow, Chance.

[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 05, 2001).]

[mollyig]

You shouldn't be nervous about the music Chance - I think it really adds to it. Of course, I'm music mad so I'm biased!

------------------
"Adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two"
- Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)

[Forrister]

Faith is like a short haircut. A bit of a shock at first but before you know it she grows on you. I continue to be rapt in this story.

[By the way, it is Latin. Why do I do it? Because I'm a sick puppy!)

Re vera, linguam Latinum vix cognovi.
(I don’t really know all that much Latin.)

[nika]

I agree that the music gives the fic a special touch.

------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson

[Chance]

Chapter Four is done. I'm sure I'll post it tonight at some point. Don't want to overload the systems of you poor fic readers.

Mmm... oh, if anyone catches a mistake, lemme know, because my stuff really isn't beta read, and for the most part falls out of my brain onto the page over to you. I know, I know! I should get a beta, but I don't like the time suckage. Sorry.

Anyhoo, yeah, chapter four is W/T heavy again, and as far as I can tell, the story's gonna come together around Chapter Five. (In essence Faith and Willow and Tara are meeting up in Chapter Five.)

Okay, bye now.

Chance.

PS - I'm still a feedback ho, so if you have something to say, lemme know. OH! And if you hate me and what I'm writing and want to let me know that, too, you can find me on AIM or Yahoo under butimadreamer. Ok. Bye.

[Chance]

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Splendor "I Think God Can Explain".

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Four: Look Me In The Eyes

Willow awoke with a start, as if her whole world suddenly became jolted by something sudden. She half opened one eye, and surveyed the room. Everything seemed in place, the desk, the phone, night stand, table, Miss Kitty Fantastico in her bed. She nearly rolled over and went back to sleep. And then she shot up in bed. Something was missing. More particularly, someone was missing. A beautiful blond girl was absent from her side. Willow sighed. No more sleep.

From the very start of their relationship, Willow had realized what an amazing fringe benefit it was to have Tara’s warm soft body pressed against hers as she slept. It was enough for Willow to pack her safety blanket – the one she had had since she was three with giant teddy bears stuck in dancing poses – in a box in the closet. Tara was enough of a safety blanket for her.

She supposed, however, it was unfair of her to expect Tara to cater to her whims. After all, Tara had lost a friend too. Not her best friend, no, but a friend that had stood up for her, a friend who had welcomed her (hesitantly at first, but openly in the end). Tara had never had that before, and Willow knew she cherished it. She had even noticed Buffy and Tara starting to form a real friendship, based on trust and general respect for one another. Willow loved it. Her best friend and her lover were coming together as friends. Willow giggled. They certainly weren’t coming together, that was all Willow’s job. “Oh no! I was naughty!” Willow flushed red, which seemed rather silly. After all, she was alone, and merely thinking. But still, she had to admit – Buffy’s tan athletic body, Tara’s soft, supple curves… No! Evil thoughts! Besides, she wouldn’t share Tara for the world. And Buffy… Willow sighed deeply.

She still thought of Buffy in the most present of tenses. Sometimes, in the mornings like this, she could forget that her best friend was no longer. She felt the tears well up behind her eyes, but she simply didn’t have the energy to set them free. She had discovered a few days before that crying required a certain amount of energy she didn’t have any longer. And crying was all she had been doing lately. The memory of Buffy’s death lingered at the front of her mind and came to her unbidden. It was an awful pain, both physical and emotional. She had tried for a few days to fight it off, but eventually she had been overcome with grief. All she wanted was Tara, to make all those thoughts go away. She heard the door open, and breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *
Tara opened the door, hoisting a brown paper bag onto the desk not far from where she entered. She didn’t expect Willow to be awake, so she didn’t even glance towards her girlfriend. She had been hungry, and as much as she would have wanted to be about for when Willow finally may have opened her eyes, her stomach wasn’t having it. She opened the bag, grabbing a poppy seed bagel from it. It was all she craved.

For Willow’s part, she watched her girlfriend0 go about her activities with a secret little thrill. She loved watching Tara. It was one of her favorite past times, so often denied to her because Tara almost always knew when she was awake. Now, with Tara “sure” she was asleep, she got to indulge herself. Her girlfriend’s body was a wonder to Willow. She never grew tired seeing it bend and flex under that mind’s command. Despite Tara’s uncertainties and self-consciousness, it really was quite lovely. Tara moved with a sensuality that Willow, once able to admit her feelings, could not deny.

Tara was lost in her own world. Her mind had traveled back to her walk. There was something bothering her, something familiar that she couldn’t place. That girl, the one who caught her eye and then exited very quickly from the bagel shop, she seemed so familiar. Tara could have sworn she knew her, but it seemed unlikely. After all, Tara knew the Scoobies and the girls from the Wiccan Group. That was about it. She was sure she knew this girl, her presence, her aura seemed so familiar (and so sad). Tara’s eyebrow quirked up. Sad? Could it have been? Her mind searched relentlessly, trying to catalogue and file. Her mental rolodex was buzzing past her. Faith? Could it have been Faith?

In a way it would make sense. Tara could sense then Faith’s regret and sorrow, but more importantly her love. Faith was quite definitely in love with Buffy. Tara sighed, running a hand through her hair. And now Buffy was dead. Faith would come back to say goodbye, she supposed. She hadn’t realized Faith was even out of prison, much less aware of Buffy’s departure. It was something she hadn’t considered, which surprised her. She mulled over it, taking a bite from her bagel. Then a certain nagging feeling came over her, was she being watched? She turned towards the bed quickly, and caught her girlfriend red handed. “Good morning, sleepy. I didn’t think you were awake.” As much as she tried to hide her blush, it rose up partially anyway, coloring her cheeks. Willow had been watching her this whole time. Willow always watched her when she thought Tara was unaware. It made her feel sexy and nervous all at once.

Willow’s smile beamed. “I know.” She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Can I have a bagel, too?”

“I didn’t get you one.” Tara’s voice seemed to ooze regret.

Willow’s displeasure was evident on her face. “Oh.” Tara had never forgotten about her. She was overcome with uneasiness.

Tara looked away. “But I did get you one of those cranberry banana muffins that you love.” Her voice was coy, and Willow was forced to take back every unhappy thought she had just had.

“Thank you.”

Tara turned and looked at her, the humor dissipating from her face. “Don’t thank me yet, Willow. We need to talk. And you’re not getting your muffin until we do.”

“What do we need to talk about?” Willow’s brow creased, but she knew what was coming.

“Willow, baby…” Tara stopped.

“What, Tara?” Willow’s voice was questioning, not mean.

Tara took a deep breath, and looked at the comforter, spreading her fingers over it. “Well… it’s just that I miss you…”

“What do you mean? Tar, I’m right here.”

“Willow, just, don’t interrupt me okay? If you interrupt me I won’t get through this.” Tara glanced up, and Willow nodded. “It’s just that, I know Buffy was your best friend.” Tara felt Willow tense. “And I know it’s really hard. Well, I don’t know, but I know how I’d feel if they took you from me, and you’re my best friend, and… You get it. But you need to get out of bed. We need to do something other than sit in this room all day. I can’t read anymore, and you can’t cry anymore. I know it’s hard, but we have to get out of here. We have to… do something.”

“If that’s what you want, Tara… I’ll get out of bed right now.” Tara shot Willow a withering look, which caused Willow to stop.

“Willow, I love you. You know I love you. I’m yours, and you’re my always. But this isn’t a relationship. This isn’t ‘us’ dealing with this. This is me… and a body. And I know you don’t mean it Willow. I know it’s hard for you. But I need you right now as much as you need me. I need to hear you, and see you, and feel you. Your body is here, Willow. We’ve proved that more than once since all of this happened. Since the world fell apart. But it’s been a while now, and since then, you’ve been gone too. I really just want my girlfriend back.”

There was an enduring quiet that filled the room. Tara wouldn’t look at Willow, and Willow sat, staring at Tara. “Maybe I should go.” Tara moved to stand.

Willow’s hand reached and pulled her back down. “Tara, Tar-bear, wait.” They looked at each other, and Willow half smiled. “I heard you singing last night.”

Tara’s eyes filled with shock. She knew Willow on some level would hear her, she didn’t want to wake Willow up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Tara… you helped. And I know how insecure you can be about your voice. So, I was gonna do this later, but now is probably a better time.” Willow’s heart was racing a thousand beats a minute. But one look in those blue eyes and she had to go through with it. She took a deep breath and began to sing softly.

There’s a lot of things I understand,
And there’s a lot of things that I don’t want to know,
But you’re the only face I recognize.
It’s so damn sweet of you, to look me in the eyes.

It’s alright, I’m okay, I think God can explain.
I’m relieved, I’m relaxed, I’ll get over it yet.

The feeling of isolation over time
The feeling of an ice cube melting all the time
The world seems bigger than both of us
But it seems so small when I begin to cry

It’s alright, I’m okay, I think God can explain.
I’m relieved, I’m relaxed, I’ll get over it yet.

I think God can explain.

I think God can explain.

When Willow stopped singing, she felt that vague uncertainty she was sure her girlfriend knew all too well. But it vanished as quickly as it came when she was rewarded with a searing kiss. “So, can I have my muffin?” But it was lost as Tara’s lips smothered her own.

“I love you.” Tara’s own words were lost in the kiss as well. But it didn’t matter. Shortly thereafter they were no longer communicating in words, they were lost totally in the actions of people in love. The muffin was forgotten.

[tommo]

Chance, you're revving us up for the musical episode with this fic. I approve wholeheartedly. I love the way they communicate with one another, how it's the key to their understanding and love. Yep, good stuff.

------------------
"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity

[Forrister]

I love music and I love it when these two say it in song. Music seems to bypass logic and cold reason and goes straight for the heart.

Thanks Chance, this has started my day with a warm fuzzy feeling.

Nihil amanti durum.
(Nothing is hard for one who loves.)

[the_slayers_girl]

Oh wow...this is so sweet. I love it.

[Katharyn]

This just keeps getting better and better... mmmn

Katharyn

------------------
She's my always

[Ressick]

Thank you for sharing this fic. It's beautiful, just like my girl.

Res

[WyrdOne]

Very cool fic, love the music...but my main comment is:
Yay Secret Garden! I love that show so much! It's so cool that you used "Hold On" in this fic!

------------------
~Meredith~
"All worlds intertwine, and all needs meet somewhere in time."
"Sanity isn't all it's cracked up to be."

[Chance]

Tommo, always glad you appreciate what I'm doing...
Forrister, I do so love the latin, and I totally have always been a fan of sick puppies.
Katharyn, I have to say you make me blush. I'm totally so deeply involved with the Beginning Cycle.
Ressick, It's a three fold Utopian dream. Thanks babe.
And Wyrd One - The Secret Garden is totally the best. Glad you appreciated my choice.

Mmm... okay, so I'm working on this chapter, if I get it done, this will be edited out. If not, tomorrow, then.

-Chance

[xita]

Oh man, chance you rock. I really love your fic. I am glad you are writing again and I agree with Ruth you are getting us ready for the musical. There is an intensity in your writing that makes what they characters are feeling very real.

MORE!!

[Chance]

A Little Late, but still good! Thanks so much for the feedback, guys. It's what keeps my muse alive.

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Five: It’s Not Like You To Say Sorry

Never made it as a wise man, couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man, I’m sick of sight without a sense of feeling.

Faith woke up, her eyesight was blurry and she was feeling, in a word, woozy. She knew that within moments it would dissipate, it always did. Slayers simply did not get hangovers. Glancing over at the old rusty table, it also took slayers massive amounts of liquor to get drunk. Normally, she would have rolled over, shoved a pillow back over her face and tried to sleep. But, she knew she needed to go see the gang. The thought terrified her. They had always been Buffy’s friends. They would always be Buffy’s friends. How could they not hate her? But the Host had said her destiny was with the people she had hurt the most. So here she was. She got up; every part of her body protested the move from the warm bed. That same body was put at ease when it was slipped into a steaming hot shower moments later.

This is how you remind me; this is how you remind me of what I really am.
This is how you remind me of what I really am.

A hot shower always cleared Faith’s head, and she had to admit, it had been a very long time since she’d gotten to take one like this. She had the luxury of staying in the shower for an hour. She took the soap and rubbed it into her hands, lathering them up. She moved with great liberty, easing her hands down her body, over her chest, slipping down her legs. Faith knew she was sexually attractive. Even she, who could never give herself credit, could admit that. But was she pretty? Would anyone ever tell her she was beautiful? It seemed so stupid, and she got angry with herself for thinking it. Why do you care, Slayer? Get some and get gone. Want. Take. Have. You don’t care if someone thinks you’re beautiful! You don’t want that stupid romance crap. No flowers, no candy, no cards. Well… that’s not totally true, is it? Every morning you woke up panicked because you had yet another dream of B. Every morning you could still feel the ghost of her touch on your cheek. Hear her whispered words of love that still lingered from your dream world. You wanted the flowers, and the candy, and the cards. And that’s what drove you. That’s what made you go nuts. You just couldn’t handle wanting something that much. You just couldn’t handle wanting to love someone, could you Slayer? Faith slumped back against the wait of her own thoughts. The steam rose around her, but it didn’t matter. She was lost in her thoughts.

It’s not like you, to say sorry, was waiting on a different story
This time I’m mistaken, for handing you a heart worth breaking
And I’ve been wrong; I’ve been down, to the bottom of every bottle
Despite words in my head, scream ‘Are we having fun yet?’

* * *

Willow and Tara had taken their time moving out of bed. They lingered, caressing each other when the urge struck them until finally the phone jarred them from their rest. “Hello?” Tara’s voice sounded weary, but Willow knew she was just… erm… exhausted. She hung up. “Giles wants us to stop by the magic shop.”

Willow frowned. “Right now?”

“Yes right now. This is a perfect opportunity for you to get out of bed.” Tara smiled. “Come, love, let’s go visit our friends.”

Willow thought about it for a moment and relented. “Okay.”
* * *

Angel had told her Giles bought a magic shop. She knew which one he meant it was downtown, in the heart of Sunnydale. She had always stayed away from the place herself. But that’s where the gang would be. So, she got a move on. The whole walk there she had to convince herself not to turn around. You could just run now. But she didn’t. She kept on. This was her destiny, after all, and she was gonna take it wherever it was going to lead. She was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t even realize she had neared the magic shop. And she certainly didn’t realize a certain redhead was about to zap her off the planet.

* * *

“Is that Faith?!?” Willow hissed, grabbing Tara’s arm.

Tara squinted, attempting to make a joke out of it. “Leather pants, wife beater, Jean jacket. Yup, that’s Faith. I wonder when she got out of prison.”

“You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” Willow demanded.

“I guessed. I didn’t know for sure. Willow, please.” Tara wanted her girlfriend to accept what had passed and forget it. Willow didn’t seem to want to.

“Tara, you know what she did to us!”

“And Willow, you know why.” Tara spoke quietly, as if to soften the blow she just delivered.

“I do not! We were her friends and she just…”

“She just loved Buffy and couldn’t deal with it.”

Willow stared at Tara, incredulous. “So? That makes it better?”

“No. But think about what all of that must be doing to her now. She’s torturing herself more than you can.” Tara was attempting to be the voice of reason. For some reason she was sure if Willow would just relax something important was going to come of Faith being here. But she wouldn’t. She just wouldn’t calm down.

“I don’t think anyone could torture her more than I want to.”

* * *

It’s not like you didn’t know that,
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad,
‘Cuz living with me must have damn near killed you.

And then Faith saw it. She glanced up, and came face to face with Willow, who was fifty yards and closing. Faith saw the fire in her eyes, the need for vengeance. She knew the look well. She wondered at how to diffuse the situation. She glanced at Willow’s girlfriend who seemed to be attempting to calm her. Much to both Faith and Tara’s dismay, Willow would not be calm. “Faith.” Willow nearly spat the word.

“Red.” Faith realized her mistake perhaps a second too late. Willow’s eyes were suddenly set aflame. And then Faith used the only words that would have worked. “You trying to pull a ‘me’, Willow?”

Willow’s eyes softened just a bit. She knew she had been had, so she played it as if it never would have happened. “I would never sink to your level.” Faith caught Tara breathing a sigh of relief from the corner of her eye. “What are you doing in Sunnydale? You’re not welcome here.”

Faith took a deep breath. “I came to do what I had to. To pay my respects, to grieve… to apologize.”

“Don’t waste your breath here. Go apologize to her tombstone! Then get out of my town.” Willow walked inside the shop without another word.

Tara and Faith were left to look at each other. Faith looked down and shifted uncomfortably. She felt a hand on her arm, a gesture she wasn’t used to, and she nearly knocked it away. The warmth of the contact nearly hurt, she was so unused to it. “Give her time.” And then the blond who had no reason in the world to be nice, but somehow was anyway, turned and followed her girlfriend.

This is how you remind me; this is how you remind me of what I really am.
This is how you remind me of what I really am.
Faith turned, and ran.

* * *

Willow buzzed through the magic shop, past Giles, Anya and Xander and straight into the training room (that was now storage space – Anya was the only one who could go in there without being reduced to hysterics.) She crumpled to the floor and started to cry.

Tara took her time going through the shop. “Tara, what’s up? Where’s the fire?” Xander asked. He had kept up morale, even through his own heartbreak. It was actually nice to have someone cracking jokes still. Even Anya was behaving herself lately.

“Faith’s in town.”

“I’m sorry, did you say Faith? As in, rogue slayer? As in, partners with a demon that tried to kill us all on our Graduation day?”

“That’s the one.”

Giles had made his way over. “Faith’s back in town?” Giles had been quiet and withdrawn since Buffy had died. Tara knew he had thought of her as a daughter, and she’d once read somewhere the most painful thing in the world was to outlive your child. She had disbelieved it when she first read it, knowing her father. Her Father might have preferred her dead. But Giles only wanted the best for Buffy, and now she was gone.

“That’s right.”

“Well, I suppose we should arm ourselves, in case, well…”

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Mr. Giles.”

“Tara, I know you’re ‘I Care About Everyone’ girl, but this is Faith. Homicidal Faith. Trying to kill us in our sleep Faith.”

Anya wandered in. “Faith’s back?” The collected group nodded. “She can’t have you. There’s already a lack of orgasms as it is.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, An.”

Tara sighed. “Faith is here to say goodbye and to bury her demons. I don’t think we should take action against her until we know she’s here to hurt us. If you’ve ever trusted me, trust me now. I’m sure of this.”

Giles nodded. He knew very well that not only was Tara an excellent judge of character, but her powers gave her an intuition that was invaluable. “We will not take action then.” Giles grew rather dark for the first time in ages. “But the second she lifts a finger against any one of you, I’ll…” He trailed off. “Sorry… I’m…” He looked at all of their faces, and shook his head.

Tara saved the moment. “I’m going to go talk to Willow.” And with that, she headed for the training room.

* * *

It’s not like you, to say sorry, was waiting on a different story
This time I’m mistaken, for handing you a heart worth breaking
And I’ve been wrong; I’ve been down, to the bottom of every bottle
Despite words in my head, scream ‘Are we having fun yet?’

Willow didn’t bother to look up when Tara walked in, she just kept crying. And to be honest, she didn’t think she was being unfair. Faith might not have been a pleasant reminder, but she was a reminder nonetheless of her best friend. She missed Buffy, fairly intensely. She felt as if she had been standing solidly on the ground, her two halves made into a whole with Tara. When Buffy died, the ground was ripped away, and the falling began.

“Willow, baby, I…”

Willow looked up at Tara, her eyes shot from crying. The sight was too pitiful, and Tara knelt and wrapped her arms around her lover. “Willow, I know it hurts. I know it does. It hurts us all. And I know you don’t like to think about this, but what if it was me? How would you feel?”

Willow was aghast. “How can you even ask me that?”

Tara smiled sympathetically. “Because if you can feel it, you know how Faith must feel.”

Willow sat, dumb struck for a moment. She imagined she could argue that Buffy and Faith were never together, but she knew it didn’t matter. Faith would feel that pain just as powerfully as if they had been. It was nature’s way. “Where is she?”

“I’m not sure.” Tara shrugged. “But we can do a spell to find her, like a location spell.”

“Don’t we need something of hers?” Tara held out her hand that still grasped the strand of hair she had removed from Faith’s jacket. “Tara McClay!” Willow laughed. “I really do love you.”

“I know.”

This is how you remind me of what I really am.

[Forrister]

I often wonder what Willow would do if she came across Faith again. Nice work Chance! (I hope Faith hasn't run too far.)

Facilius per partes in cognitionem totius adducimur.
(We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.)

[WiccanBex]

ooh! good stuff chance!

------------------
"if you throw a stone, something's gonna shatter somewhere. We're all so fragile, we're all so scared."
nocturnal review site

[Chance]

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is “Bartender” by Hed P.E., the language is a little… mm… questionable. Sorry for the delay, real life knocks. I answered. It beat me up for the fun in it, and I finally crawled back to the computer to finish.

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Six: Momma Don’t Trust Me Tonight

~ Ain't nothing working ain't nothing right, There's a hole in me that I can't fill
No matter how hard I try ~

Faith had had just about enough of Sunnydale and the emotions it invoked within her. She was getting more and more… weak by the second. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d allowed herself to feel this much pain. So, now she was going to do what she did best. Get some, and get gone. She knew this bar downtown; she had found it one night after slaying. Buffy had left her, and she was beyond any help. She very simply needed sex. Buffy had been wearing these black workout pants that just hugged in all the right places. Faith could never get a good night’s sleep after B wore those out. So, she started coming to this bar, attempting to take the edge off, at least a little. She’d never come home alone from this bar; it was a sure bet.

She swaggered into the bar, surveying the scene with a keen eye. She swept the room, and already she had the count in her head, five possibilities, one with a girlfriend. That’s okay. Girlfriends didn’t matter. They were disposable to Faith, and to most of the people they belonged to. She didn’t give a damn, so long as they didn’t try to mess up her groove. She placed herself on a stool at the bar, and the bartender looked at her. She must have vaguely remembered Faith because she got a look in her eye. “What’ll you have?”

“Double whiskey, straight up.”

~ Hey bartender hit me with a double, and introduce me to that girl with the bubble, I'm looking for trouble tonight, No Momma don't trust me tonight ~

* * *

Willow and Tara sat cross-legged, a map of Sunnydale in between them. The hair was wrapped up in a charm at the center of the map; it resembled an arm of a clock. They began to chant together, their words slowly starting to form over each other, their whispers soft. And with each passing phrase, the words grew in intensity. Finally, they were both tossed back as a powerful wave of magic set through them. When all was clear and done, the arrow was pointing solidly to a particularly sordid (if you can believe that) neighborhood in downtown Sunnydale. Tara turned a shade of pink, and Willow looked at her quizzically. “What are you blushing about?”

“Willow, we might want to rethink turning every spell into…”

Willow giggled. “I thought you loved it when we…”

“Oh I do, it’s just overwhelming sometimes.” Tara’s cheeks burned. Willow leaned in and kissed her.

“Okay. So that’s why you were blushing?” She asked, as she pulled back.

“Umm… well… no. I know where Faith is.”

“Tara, it’s not an exact system. She could be anywhere around that neighborhood.”

“No, there’s only one place Faith would be at in that neighborhood.”

Willow quirked her head to the side. “Where is she then?”

“Well, there’s this bar in that area.”

“Tara, when did you go to bars?”

Tara’s cheeks burned. “I was a sophomore, I hadn’t met you yet. I just… I was lonely. Wanted to… y’know. Meet someone.”

“Tara, awweee… honey, don’t be embarrassed. I understand.”

Tara looked Willow in the eye for the first time. “You do?”

“I definitely do. It’s okay, babe. But now you have me, so no more bars, right?”

Tara laughed. “I didn’t go after the first time. It wasn’t really… ‘my scene’”.

“Well, at least one of us knows how to get there.” Willow stood. “Are you ready to go?”

Tara took a long look at Willow, and then looked down at herself. “We need to change.”

“What’s wrong with…?”

* * *

~ You be the center baby, I'd be the quarterback, Hike hit the tailback
Watch it on playback, Smash that hitting that red bone, Up in the end zone biting on the collarbone ~

Faith was in the process of dancing, and Faith didn’t like anything to come between her and that. There was just something about grinding up against someone… feeling the flesh against yours. It was sex with clothes on. Well, at least her kind of dancing was. Faith was immersed; lost in the challenge of seducing this cute, athletic blond she had picked up. She chose not to recognize the irony.

~I just want your company, I just want you to comfort me, just come with me ~

The blond had all the right moves. She knew how to play her game, but Faith was better. Faith had learned early that a Slayer was always predatory by nature. It was one of the many things B chose to ignore about slaying. But this girl right now in front of her was responding just how Faith wanted her to – like prey. They had been getting on fine, although Faith was getting on her sixth drink. She imagined that might have something to do with it, but she chose to ignore that, too. Just as she was about to go in for the kill, the most unexpected (and at this particular moment irritating) thing happened.

Tara walked into the bar, and commanded the attention of those around her. She was dressed absolutely perfectly – black jeans that were tight enough to show the curves Tara was naturally blessed with. A rhinestone belt that managed to glitter it’s way through the bar’s lights and strike the attention of the women around her. She was wearing a black shirt, no sleeves, with a tiger growling emblazoned on the front. Her hair cascaded down her back and onto her shoulders. Even Faith had to admit she looked hot. Way to go Willow. Willow herself followed rather dumbly behind, and she wasn’t too bad either. She had chosen a red dress that fell with her form rather complimentarily. It dipped enough to give the allusion of her cleavage, and cut off short at the arms. The skirt came mid-thigh and showed off those creamy white legs Red kept so well hidden normally. They shockingly actually looked like they could have passed for being regulars in this place.

~ Hey bartender hit me with another, I just about had to kill this brother
Shit I'm looking for trouble tonight ~

Tara spotted Faith easily, their eyes meeting once in a display of respect, nothing else. “Is this what the two of them do to cut loose on a Friday?” Faith actually caught herself starting to like the two of them. Tara didn’t go straight to Faith. Instead, she took Willow out to the dance floor. They began to start a dance that looked like it happened nightly on their bed. Faith thought she might be losing her mind.

=You actually came here? = Willow asked, using telepathy, and continued to move with her lover’s body.

“Yeah. Once.” Tara shouted.

=You seem kind of at home. = Willow frowned, but kept up the pace.

“I understood the atmosphere. I didn’t like it, but I understood it.”

=How are we doing? =

“We may actually look like we belong here.” Tara laughed. “Let’s just get her and find a way out of here.”

~ You be the beauty – baby, I'd be the beast, Who gives a fuck take it to the bedroom, Take it the streets, Take it like a man muthafucker, Your bitch chose me muthafucker ~

Faith began a slow circle to dance her way over to them subtly. If they noticed, they simply didn’t let on. They just kept grinding at each other, ripping at each other like they were teenagers with no home to speak of and no place to fuck but the bar room floor.

Faith wasn’t the only one who had taken an interest. Several other women tried to push their way in, but they kept being pushed out by one or the other. Their only response was to come closer together. Faith could swear Red was riding the Blondie’s leg, but that might just have been her perverse mind and imagination playing tricks on her. Finally one broke through, pulling Willow from Tara. The look of fear on Willow’s face was quick to come and easy to identify. Faith was on it in a second. She cut into the dance, stealing Willow away.

~ I just want your company, I just want you to comfort me, just come with me ~

Willow, through gritted teeth, murmured. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Tara reached them from the crowd. “Willow, baby, I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop her.”

“It’s alright. Faith saved me.”

Faith nodded. “Would have done it for anyone.” She smiled for the briefest of moments and turned to disappear back into the crowd when she suddenly found herself in pain on the floor. Someone had just decked her. When she looked up, she was staring at the woman who she had cut off to dance with Willow. Faith rose quickly, her fist already tight and her arm extending. But she caught a glance from Willow and sighed. She mouthed, “Let’s go talk.”

Willow nodded. All three of them headed for the door of the club. When Willow and Tara’s backs were turned, she clocked the other girl square in the jaw and then rushed to follow.

~ Take me there, take me with you, I can't be alone tonight, I can't be alone tonight, I can't trust myself tonight, I can't trust myself tonight ~

Once outside, Faith realized how smashed she actually was. She was definitely tanked, and this was not the way she would have wanted this to go. Willow turned to her. “So why are you here?”

Faith took a deep breath. “I’m not entirely sure, Red. I was hoping you could tell me.”

“I’m sorry?” Willow was confused, what did Faith want from her exactly?

“This is supposed to be my destiny or some shit.” Faith leaned against the wall for support. Her eyes traveled away from Willow and to the ground. “And I loved her, Red. I did. I guess I had a funny way of showing it… but I did.”

Willow didn’t answer for a long time. And when she did, it came barely above a whisper, but Faith and Tara heard it. “I know.”

“It hurts.”

“I know.”

Willow sighed, running a hand through her own hair. “So stay. Figure out your destiny. Patrol. That’ll save us some trouble. But Faith…”

Faith looked her straight in the eye. “Not this time, Red.”

Tara spoke up for the first time. “I’m sure we’ll work everything out tomorrow.” She looked at them both for a moment, her gaze lingering on each of them. It calmed them both. “For now, let’s all get some rest.”

Faith followed the two for a bit, trying to find a way to ease the tension that was building. Being around Willow just reminded her of Buffy. Song lyrics pounded through her head. Wasn’t that the song that was on in the bar?

~ Ain't nothing working, Ain't nothing right, There's a whole in me that I can't fill, No matter how hard I try, Ain't nothing sweeter there ain't nothing wrong, All the pain that I receive keeps me strong, It keeps me moving on ~

Tara watched as Faith wrestled with her demons. Instinctively she felt bad for the girl, though she knew Willow wouldn’t want her to. Willow wanted her to regard Faith as a criminal. Tara just thought she had had it a little too rough. And she couldn’t deny that she actually liked Faith. Faith was everything she had wished she was once in life. Sexy, outgoing, persuasive, all the things Tara wanted to be so badly once upon a time. And now, she was a reminder that Tara was happy as she was. And that sometimes, even the people who seemed to have everything other people wanted weren’t.

~ I just want your company, I want you to comfort me, just come with me, I just want your company, I want you to comfort me, just come with me, I just want your company, I want you to comfort me, just come with me ~
Faith came to a point where she could walk them all the way back to the Summers’, but then it would be an awfully long walk home for a drunk slayer. “I’m gonna head back to the motel. You guys can make it okay, right?”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine, Faith.” Willow replied. Her voice wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cold either. Statement of fact, simply.

“Are you going to be okay, Faith?” Tara asked. She felt Willow’s eyes burn into her profile. Faith actually smiled.

“I’m a slayer. I’ll be five by five.” Faith’s voice was convincing, but her body language wasn’t. Tara turned a pleading eye to Willow, who gave in instantly under the look on her lover’s face.

“Would you like to stay at the house, Faith?” Her voice again didn’t betray her. It was simple, to the point.

“I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“You won’t be.” Tara laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You won’t be.”

Faith and Willow locked eyes for a moment. The look between them endured for a few moments before Willow finally broke down herself. “No trouble.”

Faith actually smiled. “Why not?” She shrugged.

~ Comfort me, Just come with me, Comfort me, Just come with me~