This is my first fic attempt and it was written in a few hours after i read what was happening in episode 8. SO BE WARNED:
1)really inexperienced writer who hasn't even edited this yet.
2)****CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 8 TABULA RASA.*****
Title: Breathe again.
Rating: PG, i think.
Disclaimer: all of everything belongs to the almighty Joss. The idea for the story is my interpretation of what i want to happen after the events in episode 8. There is no truth in the events. it is just something i needed to write to make myself feel a little better.
Feedback: please.. i've never had feedback before.. *bats eyelids*
note: the song featured within this little fic is "Breathing" by Lifehouse.
breathe again
part 1
"Tara?"
"ermm.. delivery for Dawn Summers.."
Dawn rushed to the door past a disappointed Willow. Her heart hadn't mended since Tara had walked away three days ago. Things would never be the same.
"Willow. don't do this to yourself.." buffy had never seen her friend like this. She had cried for days when oz had left. This was different.. willow was not willow, buffy knew something was seriously wrong when she hadn't heard a willow babble for at least a week.
"Buffy… where is she? She's not in her dorm room.. that’s been allocated to someone else this year, and she hasn't applied for another one. where could she go?"
"Will.." Buffy pulled her over to the couch and wrapped her arms around her, trying to console the constantly weakening heart. " Maybe she's at a friends place. She could be staying in someone’s dorm room until she.."
"She wont be able to sleep. She doesn’t sleep well when she's by herself, or when she's with others.. only when she's with me… she. she feels safe with me...she used to."
"Willow, stop torturing yourself like this. She needs some space. tomorrow I’ll go and look for her."
Dawn came in to the room beaming with pride at the movie tickets she had won entering a local competition, when she saw the scene in front of her. She was still mad at Tara for leaving. She was the closet thing she had for a mother since her own had died almost a year ago. Tara had always insisted that things were as normal as it could be. she brought a regularity into her life, and into the lives of the scoobies. She saw what this was doing to all of them everything was falling apart right before her eyes, and what they needed most was for some regularity now that Giles was gone, again. Now Willow is crying herself to sleep every night, Buffy is up late trying to console her. For herself, she couldn't get to sleep because, well, she just couldn’t considering how very thin the walls were. Xander and Anya had started to fight again. The two of them had taken sides in the whole Willow/Tara scenario. Then Anya became insanely jealous because Xander was showing so much more concern for Willow.
Sometimes Dawn wished that Tara could see the pain that she was causing everyone. She just wanted Tara to feel all the hurt that she was feeling. It was such a childish thing to think off. But Tara was the only one to treat her like an adult. Sure on some occasions she was an over protective protector but, Tara would often hold conversations with Dawn, intelligent ones about politics and about D&M type stuff, not about school like the others would. Now she was gone, Dawn was just a child again. The child always feels the conflict hardest.
Buffy had spent a few hours with Willow until she had finally fallen asleep, and she went to see how dawn was doing.
"Buffy?"
"Dawn, you should have been asleep hours ago.."
"I can't really.."
"yeah. I understand."
"Buffy? is Willow going to be okay? Are you really gonna go find Tara.. maybe it's best if we leave her alone.. I don't know if i really want to.."
"Dawn.. I know your a little confused.. about this whole Tara thing.."
"I'm not confused. Tara left because she couldn't handle Willow being who she is. Willows' a powerful witch and Tara got scared and ran away."
"It's not like that.."
Buffy sat on the bed trying to make Dawn understand.
"That’s exactly it. Willow's got magic. It's who she is. Why should she have to stop doing magic?"
"Magic isn't something to play with. Its something to be taken seriously. Willow was using it whenever and wherever she wanted. She played with our minds Dawn.. your mind is the most valuable thing you have in this world." Buffy looked into Dawns eyes, she could see the pain and confusion in her.
"And I realised that when Glory took Tara’s.." it clicked, " .. and so when the person most precious to you, takes away the thing most precious to you.. oh god I’ve been such an idiot."
Dawn lay back down and turned away, disgusted at how she’s been treating one she cared so dearly for. Buffy lay down next to her and held her close. They stayed there, still, until the morning.
****************************
"Tara? Tara...wake up.. Tara.. hey.."
"Will.. Willow?"
"ermm.. not quite.."
Tara awoke in a daze and took a moment to clear the haze from her vision
"Oh.. sorry"
"Its fine. same thing for the past three mornings.. so long as the other vamps don't think I’m Red I’ll be right."
"Spike.. I’m s-sorry.. this is only for a little while.. I have to find a place of my own.."
"Don't worry about it, stay as long as you like, I don’t want you out there on your own anyway, Buffy would never forgive me."
Spike had just come in from his night out. He had been helping out with patrols now that buffy is preoccupied. Tara rolled of the makeshift bed, a mat with a few blankets that Spike went hunting for. It wasn't the most comfortable but considering the situation, it would do.
"I thought you might be hungry, I stole you a bagel."
"Thanks.. I’m n-not really.."
"Yes you are. you have to eat. I’m not human but I used to be. and I know that you have to eat... and your losing so much weight. your all skin and bones now.. what would Red think looking at her bird turning into a coat hanger."
Tara just looked away. Constantly thinking about Willow. The only thing she wants right now is to be curled up in her arms, to have her stroke her head and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.
---------
The sun shone through the gap in the messy closed curtains, bathing the sleeping figures in a florescence.
"Hey sleepy head"
"Hey you.." Willow grunted. As was her usual morning demeanour. Not being much of a morning person, she stretched like the kitty at the end of the bed, turned over into her lady and went straight back to sleep.
"Ahh...no you don't missy. You have a morning class.. up you get. .or do I need to break out in a hysterical stereotypically witch-like crazy fit of tickles?"
"Mmm... I don't feel well...mnmmgmmuffffeehuuuuuummmfffffffss.. my tummy hurts."
"Really? Does it really hurt? Or are you just saying it so you get a free tummy rub?"
The look of misery on Willow face confirmed it, a real tummy ache.
Willow turned over and lay on her back as Tara, on her side, moved her hands in gentle circulations over her mid-section. The soft massage slowly warming the naked flesh beneath it.
"owwee.. Tara.. it really hurts.."
"Shh.. its okay baby.. close your eyes.. I’m here.. breathe.."
"I am hanging on every word you say and,
even if you don't wanna speak tonight,
that’s alright, alright with me.
Cos I want nothing more than to
sit outside heavens door and
listen to you breathing. Its where I wanna be."
With that sweet lulling from the lips of the lover to the ears of the tamed, Willow slept.
------------------
She had awakened after dreaming the same dream over and over again. The bed she lay in seemed so huge now, a massive cold space next to her. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying, and just when she thought there was no possible way anyone could cry anymore, she gazed up at the picture sitting on the dresser. Willow grinning like a kid who just got her first bike. Tara, her lips pressed against the side of Willow face, with a cheeky yet affection gleam in her eye. They were so in love.
"I still love you.. so much.", as the tears streamed down once more, she rocked herself back to sleep.
"Dawn.. remember, watch what your saying to her.. she just a little tender.."
"I know, I just went past her room.. she's still crying.."
"I'm sorry."
Both girls turned towards the hall and saw her leaning against the banister for support before she made her way into the kitchen.
"Did I wake you guys with my senseless pathetic wailings?"
"Your wailings didn't wake us.. I mean.. you didn't wail.. well not loud enough for us to hear.." Dawn wasn’t very good at the subtle.
"Dawn.. why don't you go get ready for school.."
"Its a Saturday, and it's noon."
"Oh.. right.. just.. go get ready."
She shrugged her shoulders and sighed at once again being left out of a conversation. True she will probably make things a whole lot worse but still, inclusion would be nice.
" How are you?"
"I’m fine.", the truth of her statement being deceived by the cracking of her voice.
"We.. ermm.. saved you some breakfast, but that go kinda cold and freakishly squishy. So I thought you'd be more in the mood for lunch."
"Its okay.. I'm not feeling like food."
The look on her face caused Buffy so much pain.
"Have you tried looking for Tara yet? I don't know where she slept last night. can we go?"
"Will you have to stay home. I'm not letting you out of the house."
Willow's eyes grew as she stood up. Confusion overriding her.
"Fine. I’ll go myself"
"NO! Willow your too weak.. you can barely make it up the stairs.."
"I'm going." she turned to face her friend, her eyes growing dark.
"And you think she's gonna want to see you playing miss witchbitch?", buffy wasn't going to be played by this intimidation. She was starting to loose her patience, Willow knew better than to turn on, of all people, the Slayer.
"This is the reason she left. Willow unless you get some control she's not coming back. Why can't you realise that."
Willow broke down at the realisation. It had taken days for her to see it, but now she did. Buffy watched as the blackness faded and she crumbled onto the floor.
" Buffy I need magic.. we are magic.. it's what brought us together.."
"But it's not what she's in love with. She would love you with all her heart if you couldn't make a teddy dance for the rest of your life. Don't you see that."
All willow could do is shake her head as she closed her eyes. Buffy knelt by her side.
"I'll go look for her."
"Bring her back please.."
" I can't if she doesn’t... I’ll try."
Buffy helped her up and led her to the couch. After leaving her in Dawns care, she left.
**************
[This message has been edited by delany (edited November 13, 2001).]