2) I promise happy ending though it starts off sad. rated R too.
3) when stressed, i write. And i hardly ever write angsty stuff but this just came to me last night and i wrote.
4) sorry to bombard away. feedback appreciated though.
*****
She slowly opened the door hoping the bright hall light would not disturb the slumbering blonde inside. Quiet as a mouse, Willow snuck up to the bed and slowly took off her shirt as she gazed at the sleeping beauty. The redhead wanted nothing more than to draw the comforter aside and slip in the warm bed with her girl. And that is exactly what she did.
In that plane of near waking, Tara thought she felt a blast of cold air brush up against her exposed lower back. The long tee-shirt she was sleeping in had curled up above her waist, exposing her underwear and shapely legs to the cold night air. But she forgot about the cold as soon as the frosty feeling was replaced by heat. Lots of heat. Warmth that was now embracing her back and legs, with what seemed to be a small hand on her thigh. Tara sighed.
Willow held her breath as she tried to settle herself in behind Tara as shiftlessly as possible. She didn’t want to wake her up. At least not yet. So far, unzipping her pants had been the hardest part of the evening but she had quietly mumbled a soundlessness spell on the zipper and was positive Tara hadn’t heard a thing.
She gently spooned against her lover and deeply inhaled all that was Tara. Her hair, her lotion, her essence. She was everything good and Willow knew she was torturing herself. But it was sweet torture. Torture she’d never stop subjecting herself to.
Tara sighed again as Willow’s hand slowly began to trace patterns on her silky thigh. The smooth digits caressed her. Worshiped her. ‘Willow’, she thought and grinned in her sleep.
Willow knew what she was doing was wrong, Tara was still asleep after all, but she couldn’t help herself. This was the woman she loved, the woman that held hope for her. Her everything.
Willow’s fingers slowly traced their way up Tara’s underwear to her lover’s hips. Willow wanted to squeeze the blonde, roll her over towards her and kiss her passionately. But she didn’t. She needed to play it slow. Slow.
Tara’s breathing began to change. Willow noticed it. She was now taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, very slowly. Willow felt Tara curl herself in and mold her back further out into the redheads body.
As she did this, Tara’s blonde hair shifted aside, exposing her neck to Willow. Willow’s eyes quickly darted to that particular location behind Tara’s ear that the blonde crazy when softly blown upon. Willow fought the urge. She had to wait. Needed to wait even though her energy was bubbling up inside. Tara wasn’t awake yet.
Willow’s hand now traveled to Tara’s belly where she slowly circled the button. Tara was an outie and she’d always hated her belly button. But not Willow, Willow loved it.
She continued to savor her lovers skin. Smooth, soft, so delicious when kissed. Tara’s mind began to slowly register that maybe this wasn’t a dream after all. Maybe Willow was in the room with her. That maybe she’d found her, after all she said she’d always find her.
Willow’s tongue slowly darted out and teasingly licked Tara’s nape. She hadn’t been able to contain herself anymore. She kissed her lover’s neck softly pressing her lips on the skin. And she continued with small pecks in the area accompanied by an occasional light suckle.
Tara sighed as her heart began to race. She was not dreaming this. She felt the nips and the lips and the breeze passing between the upper bodies. The cold air striking the wet skin and Willow’s hand slowly drawing circles on her body as her fingers moved southwards.
Tara opened her eyes. “Willow?” she hoarsely whispered as her eyes began to adjust to the dark room.
“Darling.” Willow replied as she softly bit down on her lovers neck, her fingers already landing in deep curls.
“S-stop.” Tara stuttered.
“I don’t think so.” The redhead replied. “I’m just starting.” Further down she went. So close.
“Stop!” Tara warned as she reached over and pulled out the redheads hand from where it was. The fingers lost.
Willow quickly turned Tara over on her back, holding her down against the bed with her hands. Gently, she made sure she was holding her down gently. Their eyes connected. Willow then slowly leaned down to lick Tara’s lips. She needed to feel her. Breaking open the barrier, it was a passionate kiss filled with loss, love and lust. Tara squirmed under her.
“No.” Tara shook her head once Willow pulled back. “Get off me, Will.”
“And why would I do that?” Willow asked playfully as she began to kiss Tara’s face. Lips, cheeks, lids, nose, brows…
“Because I’m asking you to.” The blonde exhaled.
Such a simple reason.
Willow rolled her eyes and grumbled. She slumped her head down and rolled off Tara’s body, supporting herself on her side with her arm. She watched Tara. Tara’s face showed her confusion and concern. Willow traced her profile with her green eyes, resting her gaze on the perfectly luscious lips.
“Agh! I want to bite your lips,” Willow exclaimed as she moved her free hand under Tara’s shirt and rested it in the valley between her breasts. She could feel the heartbeat thumping underneath her palm.
Tara’s face turned to her. “No.”
“A little bite?”
“No,” Tara reached under her shirt and removed Willow’s hand, placing it on her side. The fingers lost again.
“Tara…” Willow whined.
Tara took a deep breath and began to speak, “How- how did you find me, Willow?”
“Magick.” She noticed Tara’s troubled eyes. “I’m kidding… Dawn. You can’t really expect a 15 year old to keep a secret, can you?”
“Not when met with the resolve face.”
“No one can resist my resolve face.” Willow kissed Tara’s nose.
“Willow, don’t.” Tara whispered.
“I don’t understand. What’s wrong?” Her whole body ached for Tara. Tingled, seizured, lusted. She was terribly relieved as she watched Tara turn the rest of her body towards her and not away. Both were now nose to nose.
“You shouldn’t have come.” Tara silently said as she reached her hand out and lovingly touched Willow’s chin. Her fingers torturously traveled to the redheads’ neck, down her throat.
Willow sighed. “I had to. I miss you.”
Tara’s fingers now traveled up towards the edge of the Willow’s mouth where the redhead waited. She waited and waited, her eyes glazed and her breathing shallowed. Finally, Tara’s index finger traced the outline of her thin lips.
How Willow wanted to just kiss the tip and suck on it gently. Very, very gently. She deliberately snuck out her tongue and licked the tip. She drew her lips together and kissed Tara’s finger. She could feel the energy building in the room. Too much energy humming. Loud and clear.
Tara abruptly reached over Willow’s head and pulled her close, their lips met again. She kissed her. Hard. Took Willow’s breath away and that was good.
“Do your magick, honey,” Willow whispered as she moved her body over her lover.
Tara moaned when Willow lovingly began to touch her all over. Building emotion, building intensity. The redhead breathed and licked and nipped and sucked everything as she threw the tee-shirt over and off Tara.
“Willow”, Tara cried faintly.
“Let me get lost in you.” The redhead kissed. “Find me.” She pleaded.
Tara seized a hold of Willow’s right hand and guided her down her own body. Willow gasped when she felt Tara usher her inside. Her lips returned to the blondes’ as her hand entered her lover’s core.
Willow gulped again when she felt Tara enter her. Both began to move in their familiar rhythm. Kissing, licking sucking, loving. More than anything they were loving.
Suddenly, Willow heard her name called out and a sharp slap to the face woke her up.
Willow awoke with a start, “What the-?” she looked around the grimy, run down, nasty smelling room she was in. Amy looked over her both concerned and full of energy.
“What a rush, huh? You passed out.” She said as she tried to help the petite redhead up.
“Where- Where am I? Where’s Tara?” Willow asked very disoriented. And very dizzy.
“Tara?” Amy grinned.
Willow looked down at her clothes. She was dirty. Her hands dirty. Her hair dirty. Cuts. There were small, shallow cuts on her arms. “What’s going on, Amy?”, worry quickly overtaking Willow’s confusion.
Amy’s state was pretty much the same as Willow’s, except there were no cuts on her body. “We just had the best high of our lives.” She smiled.
“I did drugs?” Willow asked in disbelief.
Amy laughed as she twirled around, “Magick, baby. Real magick.”
Willow looked around the room once more. Slowly, the bits and pieces of the last couple of weeks rushed back to her. The resurrection, the spells, the fights, Tara’s blue eyes. Her disappointed blue eyes. “Oh god.” She squeaked and ran to the corner to throw up.
Amy just watched her from afar. “Are you ok?”
“No.” Willow cried. “What have you done to me?”
“Me?!” Amy walked up to the redhead. “I didn’t do anything to you.”
“What’s happening? What’s wrong with me?” Willow threw up again. “What did you do?”
“What?! You’re the one trigger happy with your fingers, using your power. I haven’t made you do anything you didn’t want to do. So don’t go blaming me.”
Willow started to cry. “Tara…”
“Jesus, get over it! She left you.”
Willow’s head spun. “No.”
“She left you, Willow. What part of her moving out didn’t you understand? She’s jealous. Can’t deal with the power you have.”
“How could you say that about her? I love her. I’m in love with her.”
“You don’t want a girlfriend that wants to strangle your power. You need someone to grow with, not fight with.” Willow looked at her. Amy crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not gay. I’m not saying-“
“I wasn’t thinking that.”
“What are you thinking then? I can see the wheel’s spinning in there.”
Willow took a deep breath before telling her, “I want you to stay away from me.”
“What?”
“I mean it, Amy. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“You don’t mean that, Willow. It’s you and me, hon. There’s no one left. None of your precious friends gives a rats ass what’s going on with you. No pun intended.” Soon afterward, Amy casually mentioned to the redhead, “We’ve been here for three days, Will. Why haven’t Buffy and your Scoobie Doos come looking for you?” Willow had no reply to that. Amy finished off, “Face it. You’re alone.”
“I’m getting out of here. Don’t even think of coming near me or my friends ever again.” Willow said with venom in her tone.
“Or you’ll what? Turn me into a rat again?” she scoffed.
“No. I’ll just bind you.”
“Yeah, whatever, like you could. That’s why it took you three years to de-rat me, right?” Amy retorted as Willow walked away.
Willow walked even though her body ached. Willow walked even though she felt breathless with every step. She walked and walked until she reached the one place she knew she’d be alone. Her parents house.
As she entered she noticed the television was on but the sound was mute. “Buffy?”, she asked when she noticed a figure on the couch. The person seemed to be sleeping. “Xand?” she whispered.
The closer she got to the couch the worse her heartache became. “Tara?” she asked in near tears. Her legs stopped moving and she froze in place near the opening of the room.
“Will.” The blonde voiced as she roused, the blanket still securely wrapped around her body.
“Hey.” The redhead managed to twitter out.
Tara tried hard to not let her voice betray her but it was no use, “What happened?” She asked as tears began to form in her eyes.
“Nothing.”
Tara didn’t know whether to push or not for an answer. This wasn’t her home, it wasn’t her girlfriend anymore.
Willow broke her thoughts. “What are you doing here?” she asked non-accusatorily.
“I’ve been waiting here for days, Willow…” Tara couldn’t hold it in anymore. She began to cry openly.
Willow wanted nothing more than to run up and hold Tara in her arms, kiss her and tell her everything was ok. That she was ok. But she couldn’t. Not yet. She’d only be lying again. “I’m, uh, I’m going to go upstairs… shower… I need to shower.” And with that she left the room.
****
After showering for an hour Willow still felt dirty. She still felt grimy and bloody and gross. She felt disgusting and ashamed and having Tara in the room with her that moment hurt more than she could ever imagine.
From the door frame Tara watched Willow slowly comb her wet hair. “Y-you cleaned your cuts.” she brought up.
“Yeah.” Was all Willow managed to say.
Tara fiddled with her hands as she watched. She didn’t know what else to say. She thought that maybe it was time for her to leave. Willow was alive and that was what she had prayed for. Everything else would come with time.
“Stay.” Willow said as she stared out the window. “Please stay.” She weeped.
“I-“, how did Willow always know what Tara was thinking?
“I’ll sleep on the floor, you can have my bed.”
“I can sleep on the floor.”
“How about we both sleep on the floor?”
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Nothing makes any sense.”
Tara couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was breaking her heart. “I see it, Willow. It’s all over you.” She began to cry again.
“I know.” Willow turned to look at Tara, tears streaming down her own cheeks. “I washed and washed and it won’t go away. It’s in me. Coming out of me. I-I don’t know what I did. I can’t remember that part.” The redhead sighed. “All I remember is you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.” Willow looked over at her bed. “You were finding me. We were making love, together, and you were finding me.” Tara didn’t know what to say, but the fact was she didn’t need to say anything. Willow looked over at her again. “Stay.” She pleaded.
Tara silently nodded her head and watched as Willow slowly put her brush down on her bedside table. She watched as the redhead snuck under the covers and turned on her side. She watched Willow close her eyes. She kept watching the redhead until her breathing leveled off in deep sleep. After that Tara just kept watching over her.
****
[This message has been edited by Rane (edited November 23, 2001).]
