Purchance To Dream [Fic]

[canadianpunk]

Title: Purchance To Dream
Part: 1/?
Email: Canadianpunk1313
Distribution: Just tell me.
Spoilers: All episodes
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

Well I'm really nervous about posting this, sense I'm not all big with the letting lots of people read my writing. But yea, any feedback would be good sense I'm not really positive where this is all leading, or if it should even lead anywhere, sense there is that possibility that it could be too horrible to continue. Ahh must stop with the babbling.

Purchance To Dream

Prolouge

Stormy weather. It was always stormy weather since that day. Like the sky was in the same sentiment as the emotions in her body, in her soul. Hopeless and dark. The rain coming down with an unforgiving fury. No one walked out on the streets anymore. It had been like this for days. Or at least that's how it seemed to the dark heart who found herself constantly wandering down this street. No more children. No more laughter. Just the rain.

The world felt like the pain of a lost loved one. Like there was a dark pain encompassing all other life and happiness that used to exist. Or was that all just a trick of the mind. A game the heart plays on the mind when all it can feel is pain. It seems that when there is only pain within the heart, then all that the sense should be able to experience is pain. Fair punishment one would guess. Fair punishment for one who had been responsible for so much pain. One who had caused so much anger. One who did not deserve sunshine and love.

Walking down the street she let the rain fall. Fall like burning anger on her skin. Fall like tears, shed by a lover. Fall like the punishment she deserved.

[Rane]

i know i'm interested in reading more. it's a great start... is it willow?

[canadianpunk]

Title: Purchance To Dream
Part: 2/?
Email: canadianpunk1313
Distribution: Just tell me.
Spoilers: All episodes
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

Well here's part 1.
Note that there's very little relation between this and the prolouge for now.
And I'm not gonna say if it's Willow or not, but from this next part you should be able to guess. Part 3 is going to be very dark, and disturbing, but happiness will come.

Purchance To Dream

It's morning. Though not confirmed by witness of the eyes, the sun's heat on the body is indication enough. In the mornings following that day it always seemed best to let the eyes remain shut for as long as possible. That way it's easier to get lost in ignorance. Letting herself induldge in that ignorance is the only allowance of peace she'd been giving herself for the last six months. Too much peace would break her heart. The memories would all flood back in an unavoidable torrent of pain.

She'd once let herself slip. Sitting alone in a crowded room. She'd drowned in the sight. The embodiment of perfection from her memory. The smile that was once only for her. The eyes that shone with love and devotion. She had let herself slip that day. Almost giving way. Almost admitting defeat. She'd almost let a false apology slide over her tongue and blow past her lips.

She couldn't kid herself though. The apology would have been spoken with true intent. It would have come from the whole of her heart. She would give the world to hold that love close to her heart once more. And it had been there, lying within her reach.

But how? How could she apologize for what had been neccessity? Perversion or not. The darkness pulsating around her friends, her family, had been enough to bring her to fight. It wasn't her fault they turned their backs on her. They didn't have the dreams. They didn't see the threat. Couldn't understand the battle she was still fighting for them.

7 A.M.

Bright red letters. Alarm clocks are funny things. Showing how our lives are passing away. In bright, red block letters. Red like blood.

7 A.M.

There's still time to sleep.

Still time to dream.

[This message has been edited by canadianpunk (edited December 04, 2001).]

[Rane]

quote:

---

Part 3 is going to be very dark, and disturbing, but happiness will come.

---

i sure hope so! this is very interesting. i like your style.

ps- i think it's spelled, perchance...

[This message has been edited by Rane (edited December 04, 2001).]quote:

[canadianpunk]

*Grabs dictionary and smacks herself in the head* When I looked perchance up the first time to make sure of it's meaning I knew it was spelt with an 'e' dunno why or how that 'u' got in there. Now I'm all embarrassed. Gotta go snowboarding now to forget funny spelling mistakes. And to gain inspiration.

[Rane]

um, update? please.

[canadianpunk]

update? sure.. sorry for disappearing, getting sick just kinda happens at bad times for me.

Title: Purchance To Dream
Part: 3/?
Email: Canadianpunk1313
Distribution: Just tell me.
Spoilers: All episodes
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

The dark creepy stuff previously promised is gonna have to wait till next part. I just got too caught up in the idea of entering Tara's mind in this story and setting up for same major mind playage in the next parts, as mental torture is my writing specialty.

Perchance To Dream

It hadn't been one of the same good bye's she'd been used to. It wasn't a lingering kiss, or a hug that ended up lasting through the night. It was cold. It chilled every recess of her being. It filled her mind. Clouded her thoughts, like something from a nightmare.

Born of darkness and too much chocolate. Nightmares plagued the mind. Twisting the emotions with a haunting melody. But with nightmares you can always wake up to the sun. To the safety of the real world. Assurance that the darkness within your nightmares is just a vivid imagining. One to be forgotten with breakfast and morning kisses.

But she knew there would be no waking from this feeling. This chill that shadowed her soul wasn't going to disappear with the dawning of a new day. If she was even lucky enough to see that.

Alone now in the park. After the red head and turned and walked away. She felt scared. Open to every lurking creature. Every horrible imagining. Some far away part of her mind silently screamed at her for sending her love away. But the dominating part of her mind was currently of the opinion to not let itself give into the thoughts and feelings of that love. The hurt was still too great.

But with all the dark whispering around her. Thoughts of the stupidity of sending the red head away began to become more and more common. Anyways, what she'd been saying had made sense.

"I know you can't trust me right now. I mean I know what I did was horrible. But you have to believe me. There was a good reason for it."

"If it's such a good reason, why can't you ever tell me? You always come up to me, saying you're sorry. Saying there was a reason for everything you've done to hurt me. But when I ask, you never tell me. Why not Willow? Is it all just more lies?"

"No. It's just something dark. Something that could hurt you. Hurt you more than anything I've done to you has hurt you. And I don't want you to be in danger by knowing. You have to believe me Tara."

"I'm sorry Willow, I can't believe you now, and maybe not ever again. So just go."

"I never meant to hurt you Tara. And every time I think about it, it kills me. But you know what hurts me even more? It's knowing that everything I did, am doing. Is just to save you and the others."

"Willow..."

"I guess this is good bye."

That had to have been the most painful good bye ever. She knew that Willow had wanted her to feel the same pain she was feeling at that moment. And in her words she had said it all, with triple exclamation points. And she'd sent her away. Without listening, or giving her a chance as usual. And not she was left alone in the darkness around her, in the darkness within her own mind.

[This message has been edited by canadianpunk (edited December 12, 2001).]

[Rane]

cool, thanks but not too much angst or mental anguish, please. i dont think i could take it.

[canadianpunk]

I actually gotta disappear again. School work is becoming an issue, and no more computer for me until I umm graduate. Parents are cutting me off from this computer and getting me a laptop with no internet priviledges just so I can work on school work. Bad thing, can't work on this anymore. Good thing, I get a free laptop.

sorry

[This message has been edited by canadianpunk (edited December 12, 2001).]