RatingG:13,maybe heading towards R
Spoilerp to and including Wrecked
Disclaimer:we all know that Joss is god.The song Secret Smile is by Semisonic,I saw them supporting Texas and they were superb
SECRET SMILE
9.00 AM
Another sleepness night. It's been three days since the crash with Dawn. Willow has thought Buffy would throw her out of the house, it was no more than she deserved. The hacker couldn't believe how much she had messed her life up. Wasn't she supposed to be the smart one of the gang?
Dawn still wasn't talking to willow, but at least she and Buffy were talking again. Buffy had even shocked Willow by telling her what happened with Spike, then again not really true they had shocked one another, Willow had told Buffy about the spells she had cast on Tara, Buffy had said she could understand why Willow had done it then told her about Spike. The shock they felt had to do with how much both if their lives had spiralled out of contol.
Tara, Willow was finding it difficult to even think about the beautiful blonde witch. The last few nights had been terrible, the cold sweats,the retching because she felt sick but hadn't eaten anything, the hallucinations,things were moving across the bedroom floor, little furry things, probaly brought on more by a mixture of tiredness and lack of food rather than withdrawal and worst of all was the nightmares. The worst had started off so good, it had been so vivid she could have sworn it was real. She had woke up to soft hands mopping her brow, helping her change from her sweat soaked PJ's, taking her to the shower and washing her down. She started to focus, noticing worried blue eyes gazing at her hopefully.
"Tara"
"Willow"
"Tara,I got so lost"
"I found you. I will always find you"
Willow had lent in for the hug that shoud follow this moment only to find herself back in bed,alone,it had all been a dream. Willow threw her head back and screamed. The desolation and loneliness crushing her could things get much worse?
Being Sunnydale and all, of course they could.
The worst had already happened. Buffy had came into Willow's room last night and told her news that she had been dreading.
A worried Giles had rung up to find out what was going on. Tara had phoned him and asked if it was possible, could she come and vist him for a while because she needed to sort her life out. He had agreed mostly, because the young Wiccan had sounded totally heartbroken and his first reaction had been something terrible must have happened to Willow. To compound matters a high up member of the council had been at his house when Tara phoned. When they found out she was coming to Britain they had told Giles they were going to make her an offer, to pull strings to get her an admission to a university of her choice if she would agree to become a watcher. Her magical powers couple with her experience of working with a slayer would make her invaluable to the cause.
Willow has just sat on her bed holding her knees, rocking back and fore as Buffy had explained this to her. The red head then broke down unable to bare the fact Tara was leaving. Buffy and Willow had cried together grieving over past loves both wandering what was wrong with them that kept making people leave, not just them but the town, state or country. Angel,Oz,Reilly and now to looked it Tara all gone.
Since then then Willow had tried her best not to think about the beautiful blonde but her face seemed to haunt Willow's every waking thought. In desperation she had turned on the radio hoping the music would give her some respite. Instead the music seemed to make ot worse.
The sounds of Semisonic drifted on to the radio
"Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile"
"And you use it only for me"
Tara's smile so rare at first but always seemed to light up the room. The way it started at one corner of her mouth but then would spread across her whole face almost as if it was shinning from her soul.
"Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile"
"And you use it only for me"
Tara had once told Willow that she was the first person since her mother died to really make her smile. Willow had been touched.
"so use it and prove it"
"Remove this whirling sadness"
God,what she would give right now to see Tara smile and tell her it's ok and she wasn't leaving.
"I'm losing, I'm bluesing"
"But you can save me from madness"
Only one person could make her life fine now. Much as Buffy's support over the last few days had been wonderful. She needed the softnees and love she had received from one person.
"Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile"
"And you use it only for me"
"Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile"
"And you use it only for me"
How had she even thought magic could be better than her Tara. She was such a fool.
"So save me I'm waiting"
"I'm needing, hear me pleading"
She had got on her knees to beg Buffy to help her, it had been a first step but maybe to late to save her relationship with Tara.
"So soothe me, improve me"
"I'm grieving, I'm barely believing"
Nothing made sense anymore. Bringing Buffy back had seemed the right thing to do but she messed it up so very badly. Willow was even starting to wonder if her life was worth living anymore. The next demon/vamp attack what if she just gave in and felt the blessed relief of death.
"When you are flying around and around the world"
"And I'm lying alonely"
The loneliness was killing her. Tara used to be able to lift her out of any mood,with her quirky humour, her beautiful smile and gentle touch. She had been so tactile always touching Willow's hand,shoulder,hair. Wiilow just missed her so much.
"I know there's something sacred and free reserved"
"And received by me only"
It was something Willow had believed,maybe to the point of taking Tara for granted. She had rememebered the disbelief in her own voicewhen she asked Tara if she was leaving. Addiction had made her arrogant,she had treated those around her her with little care. Invading Tara's mind, hurting poor Dawn both things Willow knew were inexcusable. At least one day she hoped Dawn would forgive her. The tears had started to flow freely down the hackers delicate features.
A knock at the door.
"Come in Buffy"
"Buffy's not here but can I come in"
Willow looked up at the door with pure disbelief "Tara"
Tara stood just inside the door "Buffy came to see me. She told me everything"
"Including the about Dawn" Willow feeling anxious knowing the blonde Wicca's love of the slayer's little sister.
"I already knew about Dawn. Which was why I was going to England. No,she told me about you. What you were going through to clean yourself up. I just wanted to tell you I'm glad youv'e finally seen sense."
"Is that what you've com here for?" Willow taking a deep breath determined to take this chance, no pride or arrogance left she was willing to anything to get her blonde beauty back." Because, I am really trying but to be honest, with you going it seems pointless, infact my whole life seems pointless."
"Don't say that Will"
"Why not it's true, you were the best thing I've ever had,the most loving generous,supportive person I could ever hope for. After Oz went I never thought I would find someone else to love, but you just blew him out of the water I know I can't replace you. You are the one."
Willow got down on her knees the tears running her down her face "I'm begging you Tara, please don't leave me I need you. This is not like before. I'm staring at an abyss,this is what my life will be without you, just a big black hole."
Tara looked down at Willow, not quite believing the scene before her, this quiet unassuming girl could never have belived she would stir such strong emotions in anyone, never mind the brave young hacker she had once idolised. In her wildest dreams she hoped for this, but never thought it would happen. The godess knows knows she wanted to stay with Willow, but should she. It was so hard to leave in the first place, would it just have been a worthless gesture, if she came back now?"
Willow moved forward off her knees and shut the door behind Tara. She stood in front of her, reached up and stoked Tara's cheek. Tara reacted lmost like a cat pushing her face against Willow's face.
Heat came from nowhere, Willow's other hand now in Tara's hair. Pulling Tara towards her. Lips meet, Willow waiting for a rejection that would never come, instead feeling both of Tara,s hand on the side of her face pulling her deeper into the kiss. Willow gently bites the blonde girl's full bottom lip causing he to groan loudly. The hacker now on fire her body throbbing starts to unbutton her lover's blouse. At the same time pushing her tongue int the blonde's mouth. Tara's turn now to bite down and suck Willow's tongue,adding to Willow's urgency. She wanted Tara naked and in their bed right now.
Tara clad in just bra and skirt breaks away. Breathing heavily her knees shaking slightly "Willow shouldn't we talk"
"Is that what you want to do right now. Talk?"
Tara fixing Willow with one of her most sexy smile's " Not really. I can think of couple of things I'd rather be doing"
"Care to show me"
"Okay but talk later"
"Oh.yeah, mucch, much later"
THE END