Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season Six is all fair game
Notes: This is a bit of a change of pace for me as I try to write funny fics. This is a bit angsty, but since I live in my own little happy Buffy universe, rest assured all with end well...warm, fuzzy feelings all over...enjoy..
Notes 2: This may have some typos in it, because i wrote this at work while I shoudl have been well...working..so, it was written very quickly...
"Warm Embrace"
Part I
“Is this all you’ll be taking? We have an excellent special today on generic newt eyes, 10 for $10, it’s a bargain price really.”
“No, thanks but this is it for today” came the reply.
From another corner of the room, more voices could be heard:
“So, how’s school?”
“School’s….school” Dawn’s voice replied.
In the midst of the afternoon bustle at the magic box, Willow sat, watching and hearing the lives of her friends go by. Sitting there, desperate to go see rack, to do a spell, but desperate to not give in, she was experiencing her own private little hell. Withdrawl was hard, but this—living day to day—was far worse.
Her friends knew of her problems and offered her all the help in the world, but Willow doubted they really understood the extent and pull of her addiction—the control it had over her. Besides, their help wasn’t really what she needed, or wanted. What she really needed to get her through this was Tara, and everything that was uniquely her—from her laughter and her quirky sense of humor, to her smile and warm embrace. But Willow had little hope of ever finding herself lost in that warm embrace again. Despite the nervouse glaces of her friends, and the fact dawn couldn’t even look at her, the hardest person to face was the one in the mirror—so tired, so weak, so lost.. Above all, Willow hated herself the most. If Willow couldn’t even stand herself, how could Tara?
All of this and more ran across Willow’s mind as life went on all around her at its usual pace, not knowing and not caring that Willow was stuck far, far behind. It was a personal hell, plain and simple; one no one could understand. It made Willow sadly realize an ounce of what Buffy must be feeling like. Trapped in a private hell, knowing what she’s lost, and not knowing how she is ever going to feel whole again. That though, like most everything else, only made Willow feel worse.
It had been three weeks since her accident with Dawn. Willow still had hardly spoken a word to anybody, but at least she was beginning to leave the house more often. Inside her, however, the pangs of her addiction still rose and fell with every breath.
“Willow”
She couldn’t do this alone. She could feel herself weakening with every passing minute.
“Willow!” Xander’s voice suddenly made Willow aware of her surroundings again.
“Hey, where did you go?”
“Huh? Oh, I was just…thinking about…school, eager to start next semester, you know?” She said as she forced a weak smile.
“Yah about that” X replied “maybe you should consider taking some time off.
“I’ll think about it” She managed to get out.
An awkward silence feel.
Willow couldn’t take it anymore.
“Well…” her voice cut through the silence. “I should get going, I want to stop by the, um, campus. Maybe I can feel things out, see what I want to do. I’ll see you guys later.” She said as she walked out. Once outside and away from the shop, she stopped to breathe again. Things had to stop; she couldn’t take it, something had to give.
“It hurts” a familiar voice said behind her.
“Trust me, I know how you feel,” Willow turned and matched the voice with a face.
“Amy?”
Part II
Tara blinked at tried to restart reading the page in front of her for the millionth time. For the past few weeks—ever since she left Willow—she found her attention span wasn’t what it used to be. She put the novel down and went to her window.
“Where you Willow?” she asked no one in particular.
She knew the answer want pretty. Everyday, Tara would wake up to a rush of horrible feelings, pulsating deep within her, ranging from fear to disgust. She knew it came from Willow. She sat and looked out into the stillness of the sunset and wondered if Willow knew that all throughout this time of turmoil, Tara was always with her and could always sense her pain. It was extreme, and Tara knew she was trying.
“She’s trying to change; She shouldn’t go through it alone” She thought. Lately, she had been considering calling her or going to see her, and was hoping to build up the courage soon.
**************************************************************************************
Willow felt the pangs of magic well up again as soon as she uttered her name. Amy emerged from the shadow-darkened alley illuminated only by the false light of the setting sun.
“So, you look pretty much how I feel” Amy said, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.
“Haven’t been to Rack’s in weeks; he wont see me anymore without you, and I need him Willow, I need the magic.” She paused. “I know you need it to.”
Willow felt herself weakening. Amy understood. Amy knew. Amy and her could make this horrible feeling go away, all of it. “No” She thought. “Don’t do this; you’ll have to start all over again if you do and this will never end.”
“No, Amy I--I cant” She said, but she didn’t walk away.
“Can’t what? Feel powerful, invincible, more than you are?”
“I…”
“What Willow? Who are you even doing this for?”
Willow didn’t have an answer to that. She closed her eyes and began to walk down the street. Amy followed and within moments both were walking together, both lost, both alone, both unconsciously heading towards Rack’s.
To be Continued...