Okay, a songfic for Willow and Tara, changes voices, but if you've read my stuff, you know I can do it not too too confusingly. Only PGish. I'm being good. *eg* And no spoilers. NMR, as we know it, didn't happen here. Set back in the "glory days" of the 'ship... This is pure happy fluff. Enjoy.
Feedback is welcome at ressick@yahoo.com while the regular folks are welcome to archive this little piece. Everyone else, should you actually want this, have to ask nicely.
This one is for Chance.
****
Not Alone
by Ressick
...
Part I
Tara slid down into her seat. It was too hard to consider, *he* was back. Oz, her love's first love, ex boyfriend, ex lover, ex everything that Tara wanted to be for Willow. The hacker had tried, tried desperately in fact, to reassure her friend.
For all the good you say it does
It feels no better when you've had your say
You may believe it's just because
The words get colder when you're gone away
So now the blond wiccan was alone, in her room, trying not to break down into tears.
I thought I understood
What I was to you...
I thought you loved me! she mentally screamed, mouthing the words silently to herself as the low strains of her stereo filled the room with music.
I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to say I'm just a friend
"I thought I was so much more than a friend to you, Willow," she said softly. "And I don't know if I could be just a friend if..."
I don't want to wait around here
'Cos you don't want to feel no pain again
We just lie about it...
As we become shadows of ourselves
They'd tap-danced around the issue. Willow was fragile, just out of a long relationship that ended badly. Tara could understand that, could empathize. She'd been there, done that. But still... their meetings had started to become strained. The toll of not talking about what they wanted, needed from each other, began to be so high.
Some may fear committed lives
I sure am one of them without you
Does it come to you as some surprise
I laid the ground beneath to doubt you
I thought you could understand... this isn't an experiment for me, or for you. This isn't some teenage hormone thing out of control. Don't you feel it too, Willow? Can't you tell how close we are, how close we've always been? Tara had no answers, only questions. There was no doubt in her mind that she and Willow were soulmates. Their combined powers, how they so suited each other, was so intense, so powerful, so sweet and tender. It was as if the other half of her soul had slid home the second they joined hands in the laundry room.
I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to say I'm just a friend
I don't want to wait around here
'Cos you don't want to feel no pain again
We just lie about it...
As we become shadows of ourselves
Tara couldn't help but let a single tear slip down her cheek. She remembered being in love before, and having it not work out. She could see how Oz would mean so much to Willow, just as her first lover had meant so much, but she knew the value of moving on. And she knew she'd never survive being the stock phrase of "just friends" with her Willow.
I don't want to look away
I don't want to be the one denied
Goddess, Willow, don't deny yourself the happiness we could have. Don't deny me. Don't push away like you have. Don't hurt yourself like that.
It ain't no fault of mine
If someone, somewhere told you lies
She was so furious with Oz, wanted to tell off the werewolf for hurting her Willow so badly. But she was nonviolent, pledged to that creed of "Harm Ye None". So she wouldn't speak out, would let things settle without her interference. But she did not want to pay for Oz's mistakes.
But we don't talk about it
We just become shadows of ourselves
They were fading, their friendship suffering as they sought to maintain a friendly distance. But Tara would stop it before it became too much. She'd give Willow a little more time...
As the song on her stereo faded away, she went to answer the knock on her door.
Part II
Willow listened closely to her best friend, as the slayer tried to help the hacker weigh the pros and cons of the situation, trying to use logic before her heart overrode whatever Buffy was helping her decide.
I hear what you're saying
I may seem out of order
Nothin's quite the same now
As it ever was before her
The hacker never knew love could be so intense, or beautiful, before. Every touch of Tara's sent jolts of energy, magical and otherwise, through her body. The shy wiccan was so beautiful, sweet, kind, perfect. The mundane life of Sunnydale- slaying demons, passing exams- was gone, replaced with a kind of wonderland as soon as Tara entered the room.
And you're lookin' at me
With one of those sideways glances
You say I'm giving too much
And takin' too many chances
"So what if it's a new experience? So what, Buffy?" asked Willow softly, silencing her best friend. "I think I love her. Why should that be such a big deal?"
But I won't believe you now
I've got to check this out
And nothin' you can do
Will convince me otherwise
You're just tryin' to be a friend
I know the message is well meant
But none of it does compare to her eyes
Willow loved Buffy, no matter what. They were best friends, and if once they could have been something more, that was past. Willow lost herself in Tara's eyes on a daily basis. None of that was anything like the hormones that Buffy used to excite in the hacker's system. She knew that Buffy cared about her, didn't want her to be hurt, either by a failed relationship or by other people's reactions to her "change of teams" as the slayer delicately referred to it.
Just go easy on me
I'm feelin' out of order
I'm beaten and I'm wounded
Like I never was before her
And I know you're talkin' sense
But I can't forget about her
You say I'm good as dead
If I keep it up much longer
Willow knew that the strain of keeping a friendly distance to Tara was wearing thin on her nerves, on Tara's as well. They were strained, almost totally emotionally distant at times, because if they gave into emotion, they definitely wouldn't be "just friends" for long. Willow lightly punched her pillow. "It isn't fair," she said softly to herself. "So let's change things."
But I won't believe you now
I've got to check this out
And nothin' you can do
Will convince me otherwise
You're just tryin' to be a friend
I know the message is well meant
But none of it does compare to her eyes
She rose from her bed, stopping Buffy's sentence midway. "I've got to try this, Buffy. I... I love her, and no amount of ignoring that fact is going to change things." She turned into the shy bookworm she had been for a second, "Wish me luck?" she asked. Buffy Summers nodded, and smiled, giving Willow a thumbs-up sign as her best friend walked out the door into a whole new world.
It may seem unwise
You may be right
But I don't mind
I just don't mind
It may seem unwise
You may be right
But I don't mind
I just don't mind
Willow quickly made her way to Tara's door. There she stood, quietly, for a long minute, before knocking. She smiled, finding herself face to face with Tara. Then, quietly, she walked in the door, and shut it behind her.
Part III
Tara couldn't help but smile. She breathed in the scent of jasmine that clung to Willow's hair, almost sneezing as she buried her nose in her girlfriend's hair. They both enjoyed their "marathon cuddling sessions," enjoyed spending time together either talking, or just lying in each other's embrace. The blond wiccan pulled her Willow closer, sliding her arms around the hacker's slight frame, resting her chin on a thin shoulder.
I know it's not fashionable
To be this hopeful
... well laugh anyway
Maybe their relationship would last until tomorrow. Maybe they'd grow old together and rock on some porch as they told their grandchildren stories. Tara didn't honestly care. She had this moment, cuddling up to Willow, holding the hacker close, feeling the beat of her lover's heart against her chest.
I didn't think it was possible
To be grateful
... anyway
She had been raised to be religious, to thank the gods and goddesses who shined their light into her dark, lonely life. So she thanked the multitude of deities for having this love in her life.
I know it's not sensible
To be this passionate
... every day
They'd talked, about going slow. They were taking their relationship very slowly, carefully. Both needed a little time, to adjust. But that didn't explain how just a simple kiss or touch could send their hearts racing. Tara had to control herself, so often, to give Willow the time the other girl needed. The blond wiccan smiled, thinking of what might happen when they could give reign to the passion both felt.
Days go by
I catch myself smile
More than you'd ever expect
It's been a long while
Since it's been o.k.
To feel this way
Tara had come to Sunnydale to very simply escape her old life. For a long time, she had buried herself in her studies, ignoring any kind of emotion, until Willow had come into her life. She had wanted to forget what kind of passion she was capable of feeling, or that it was so wonderful to just be happy. She had to smile, so often, but could find no reason to complain about that.
In the volumes of history
Have you ever seen anything
... so pure
Their love was a mixture of supposed opposites: light and dark, love and lust, trust and fear, emotion and rationality. But it was pure, unadulterated love, stirring deeply within both their souls, and unlike anything either had ever experienced.
In the wildest mythology
Were the gods and goddesses
... ever so in love
It was a moon-blessed love, hearts handed over under the shine of a full moon, the benediction of the goddess herself as they had lost themselves in that first kiss, barely restrained desire invoked in both. It was a love of life that entwined their hearts, a love of living, and caring, and affection that tied their hearts together so tightly it often seemed as if their hearts beat as one.
In your own experience
Have you ever known tenderness
... like this
Their careful, hesitant touches, so tender that it brought tears to their eyes.
Days go by
I catch myself smile
More than you'd ever expect
It's been a long while
Since it's been o.k.
To feel this way
These are the most precious
Of all my days
Tara smiled, softly, into silky red hair. Life was complete.
Don't get me wrong, I'm feeling O.K.
But when I'm without you it's just not the same
Don't misunderstand me, I'm feeling alright
But when I'm without you the day turns into night
... into night
Her days were filled with her hacker. Her nights were filled with their passion. She had purpose, understanding, friends, love. She had a life she could have only dreamed of a year ago.
You dream of a future ... a possible place
Where we lie together face to face
And I'm looking forward
I will not deny
I dream of a future made for you and I
You and I
It had been six months. Six beautiful, blissful months. And Tara wanted more than a measly lifetime with Willow. She wanted eternity. Holding onto her hacker with one arm, she fingered the jewelry box in her pocket. Tonight, tonight... she mentally chanted to herself.
...and then I'm with you
No longer alone
How could it be?
It feels like I'm home
It feels like I'm home
They walked along a campus pathway, meandering under the full moon with Buffy at their side, three friends out for a stroll in the most dangerous town in California. Hands linked, Willow and Tara chatted quietly with their best friend. When they reached the tree where they had picnicked after Jonathan's false world collapsed in on itself, Tara pulled the redhead to a stop, and knelt silently before her hacker, her love, her Willow.
I look through the darkness into the sky
The moon up above me brilliantly shines
I've never been happier watching it glow
I'm here by myself, but I know I'm not alone
... I'm not alone
Buffy cocked her head at the pair - Tara knelt reverently before Willow. Smiling, she nodded at the terrified blond wiccan, and walked a few steps away, giving them privacy while at the same time protecting them from all the evil nasties of the world.
Tara felt her body tremor in fear. She swallowed, and looked up at her lover, who stared down, confused, wondering, daring to believe...
Pulling the simple silver ring from its box, she held it up to Willow, placing it before the tip of the hacker's ring finger. Swallowing, she looked up, and drowned in green eyes.
"Willow Rosenberg, will you marry me?"
I look through the brightness into the sky
The sun up above me, spitting out fire
Call me a child, call me naive
The world is much brighter
Than it ever used to be
"Oh, Tara. Yes, yes," Willow said, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. She knelt before her lover, and let the shaking wiccan slip the engagement ring on her finger. Gathering Tara's fingers in her own, she pulled them close and kissed her lover's palm. Under a full moon, under a tree that held so many fond memories, they kissed their first kiss as fiancées.
... and then I'm with you
No longer alone
When I'm with you
It feels like I'm home
And you are with me
No longer alone
How could it be?
It feels like I'm home
It feels like I'm home
...finis...
That was excellent!