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New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Thu Feb 28, 2002 7:05 pm

Hello all. I'm not actually new to the board, I've been lurking for over a month now. Yes, I know lurking = evil. But I just never seem to have anything to say. Plus which, you guys seem to pretty much have a handle on how to say things and say them better that I could. Anyway, I've been reading the fics that you guys post up here and they are pretty amazing. I'm now addicted. I have to come on the board at least 3 times a day to see if there are any updates

Anyway, an idea for a fic popped into my head and I thought I'd send it out to you guys knowing you'd be honest and fair about it. This is my first Willow/Tara Fic and my first fic in over a year. This is the first part, please tell me if it's worth my (and your) time to continue.

"I Don't Know if I Can"

By Mjovi1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to "As you Were"
Summary: Tara writes a letter.

Part 1?

So, I'm getting phone calls from her now. Which is good, right? I mean, I want her to call me. So what if along with the joy and giddyness that I feel when I hear her voice, there is also a ting of hurt and betrayal? She did hurt me, Oh God, she hurt me. But she's doing better and I have to believe that one of the reasons she is doing better is because of me. Not because I did a spell or anything like that, because that would be horrible and slightly hypocritical, but because she wants to be with me. I have to believe that I'm that important to her. That one of the reasons why she's gone more than a month without doing magicks is because she wants me back. I hope I somehow factor into that equation.

I don't think I can decribe how much it hurt to leave her. I can try to decribe it by saying that it was something akin to having someone reach into the very core of me and pull out my essence, my soul, my very reason for being, but even then the analogy doesn't come close to the pain I felt. You have to understand that she was my everything. Before her, well, you know how I was before her, shy, akward, unsure, in short, a wreck. She gave me confidence. I know that doesn't seem to be that big of a thing to you, but to me, that was something phenominal. Confidence. Wow. Because of her, because of the love she had for me, I felt capable of doing anything. Like an angel getting his wings, a bird soaring in the sky...all of that lovey-dovey stuff. She gave it to me. And oh, how I soared. I was doing things I never before imagined that I could do, making friends, voicing my opinions, telling jokes, walking into a room without hiding behind my hair. Now THAT was something extraordinary.

Everytime I used to walk into a room I would get butterflies in my stomach. I KNEW that inside that room, there would be strangers ready and willing to judge, mock, and ridicule me. Ready to, with just a glance at the awkward being that was me, point their fingers and laugh at my inadaquecy. Everytime I walked into a room, I was terrified. My hair was my only defense. Somehow, by not allowing the strangers full view of my face, I could, at least partially, block their venom. Oh, I was a mess.

But then she came into my life and everything changed. I didn't start spouting poetry in her name or spontaneously sing her love songs, well once, but that was mostly because of a spell. But I had that all in me. I was giddy with love. It poured out of every cell in my being. And I'll stop now. I think you get the gist. I loved her.

So you see why her betrayal was so hurtful to me. She gave me the world, then she took it away from me. She played God. And a part of me almost hates her for it. You'd tell me that it isn't healthy to hate, that the only person I'm hurting is myself. And I'd say you're right. I'm hurting, I'm hurting all over.

She saw the error of her ways, however. She realizes that magick isn't good for her. She hurt Dawnie, she cried for help. So while I wasn't the reason she stopped, maybe I'll be a motivation for her not to continue?

Will that be good enough for me?

I'm sca-

Oh the phone is ringing, it's her, I know it is.

Momma, she wants me back, I can see it in her eyes, the way she pleads with them without meaning too...should I forgive her?


Okay guys, that's it. What do you think? Forgive me if there are any spelling or grammar errors.

Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mini-ALF » Thu Feb 28, 2002 7:30 pm

I'm glad you decided to post. I definitely think you should continue with this story. If you write it I will read it.

Michelle

Mini-ALF
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby boo » Thu Feb 28, 2002 7:43 pm

That's a great start, I second with the continuing.
boo
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Pixie » Thu Feb 28, 2002 9:23 pm

Ooh, a lovely start! Please give me more.
Pixie
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby The Next Tara Maclay » Thu Feb 28, 2002 9:37 pm

Very good, Continue, Pwease?
The Next Tara Maclay
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby silverangel » Fri Mar 01, 2002 12:54 am

Nice start! And, welcome to the Kitten. Can't wait to see where you go with this. How do you feel about distribution?

------------------
Willow and Tara's Love

silverangel
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby mollyig » Fri Mar 01, 2002 1:57 am

I like how you've depicted the pre-Willow Tara - nice job!

------------------
"It took a long time to become the thing i am to you,
and you won't tear it apart without a fight, without a heart"
Become You - Indigo Girls

mollyig
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby ForeverPiper » Fri Mar 01, 2002 3:20 am

Nice detail work...more please!
ForeverPiper
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Fri Mar 01, 2002 9:36 am

Okay guys. Thanks for the replies. I'll continue with the fic. The second part should be up tonight or tomorrow.

Thanks for all the kind words.

Oh and silverangel, I feel pretty good about distribution

[This message has been edited by Mjovi1 (edited March 01, 2002).]

Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby xita » Fri Mar 01, 2002 11:37 am

So sad, tara asking her momma for advice.. sigh.
xita
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby RomanceJunky » Fri Mar 01, 2002 6:59 pm

Got to say I enjoyed this, the letter from Tara being an idea I've thought was interesting for a long time...never really thought of her addressing them to her Mother though. I like the twist. When I stop and think about it it make sence for Tara, and It's something I would probably do myself...

RJ...Looking forward to more

------------------
"Next year...shits gonna go down...her relationship with Tara will continue---but the course of True Love is never easy."
Joss Whedon-"OUT" magazine, August 2001

RomanceJunky
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Lonewolf » Sat Mar 02, 2002 1:03 am

Mjovi1: Great fic, I really love the idea of Tara writing a letter to her mother it just seems like something she would do. I hope that you continue with this story, maybe write Willow writing in her journal about whats been going on with her and Tara.

Lonewolf

[This message has been edited by Lonewolf (edited March 02, 2002).]

Lonewolf
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Sat Mar 02, 2002 1:28 am

Okay guys, I really meant to update tonight but it was my friends 24th birthday so we went out and partied instead. I'll try to get the update out to you tomorrow. Thanks for all the encouraging words, I feel so loved

Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Sat Mar 02, 2002 8:56 am

Okay guys, here is the next part. Tell me what you think.

"I Don't Know if I Can"

By Mjovi1 (Mari)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue.
Rating: R.
Spoilers: Up to "As you Were"
Summary: Tara dreams.

Part 2


I lie in bed at night and I dream of her.

Dream of her holding me, touching me, kissing me.

She comes to me in shadows - a ghost, a whisper, an invention.

I can feel her warm breath on my cheek as she leans into me. Her hands, smooth and strong, touch my hair. Her lips, firm and unyielding, press into mine. She is so beautiful, my angel. I look at her and I'm literally bathed in light. She is ethereal, glowing, woman, goddess. Fiery hair and emerald eyes, she is the heroine in my love story. She has come to rescue me, to ignite my passions.

In my bed, alone, I squirm.

In my dream, I whimper.

Her lips have now left mine and venture downward. Her hands, no longer touching my hair, are now moving persistently down the side of my body, brushing up against my breasts. Her thumbs are so close to grazing my nipples...they peak in anticipation. I arch my back, wanting the contact, needing the contact. I want this woman. I want what she can do to me. Her hands continue down my body until they reach the hem of my nightgown. Slowly, she starts to move the nightgown up. I raise up my hips to allow her access and her hands stop their upward movement. She stops, leans in and...smells me. The muskiness, the arousal, the wetness. Her pupils dilate, here eyes darken and she unconsciously licks her lips. I bite back a moan. She hesitates for a second but then continues to move my nightgown up, both of us wanting the barrier between our bodies off. When she has the nightgown bunched up at my wrists she stops. She is hovering over me, her hands and the nightgown acting as a makeshift rope binding my wrists together over my head.

She is in control and she knows it.

Her lightness suddenly fades. Her eyes turn black and she smiles. No longer my angel she now become something dark, sinister, and threatening. The nightgown turns into shackles, tight on my wrists, cutting off circulation. The desire that she had in her eyes now turns into hunger, primal and vicious, it seeks possession. She has now become something I fear. She is still my love, my Willow, and yet I can't help but cower. She leans in, as if to kiss me again and I close my eyes. I'm afraid she'll notice the fear in them, terrified she'll see the arousal.

I'm my bed, alone, I wake.

My bedsheets are twisted around my body and my breath comes in shallow pants. I open my eyes and see the morning sun through the window shades. I turn away from the sun, cover my eyes with my arm and cry.

Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby boo » Sat Mar 02, 2002 8:40 pm

Poor Tara...
boo
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby WiccansIllusion » Sat Mar 02, 2002 9:17 pm

Really good. Interesting how the perception of Will change.
WiccansIllusion
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Lonewolf » Sun Mar 03, 2002 12:06 am

Mjovi1: Very cool update, I can't wait to read more of your stuff, keep it coming.

Lonewolf

Lonewolf
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby xita » Sun Mar 03, 2002 1:38 am

Oh it was like really hot but then it turned, and it's interesting cause Tara still wants her but it's not right. Oh ok, you have to fix this !!
xita
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Sheila » Sun Mar 03, 2002 2:16 am

This is really good!

Neat how you play so nicely with words and emotions! Very good work.

Poor Tara... what a mess is her head right now...

More, more, pleeeease???? :-)

Sheila
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby willterra » Sun Mar 03, 2002 6:52 am

This is really good! Please, please write more!

------------------
I'm very powerful. So it might not be a good idea to piss me off - Willow (you go, girl!)

willterra
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby katydid » Sun Mar 03, 2002 5:08 pm

Wow...I like it. Very well written. Can't wait to see how this one turns out.

------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.

katydid
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Puff » Sun Mar 03, 2002 8:35 pm

This is good Mjovi1, I started reading it when I was waiting for updates of other fics...now I have to add it to 'my waiting for update' list Keep up the good work.

------------------
'The cold and ruthless sea tossed the lovers' into the starry black night. together they fall, together they sleep. forever.. forever.. *whisper*forever..the cold and ruthless sea...' By Sweets

Puff
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Pixie » Sun Mar 03, 2002 8:47 pm

I second the Wow, and the Poor Tara. I'm hooked.
Pixie
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Quill » Mon Mar 04, 2002 12:10 am

I'm sorry that it took me so long to read this. Wonderful use of perspective. Your (Tara's) voice is very moving and seems to hold true to the character. Please continue, this is very interesting.

------------------
"You are the star for which all evenings wait."
~for Nicole~

Quill
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Dumbsaint » Mon Mar 04, 2002 10:16 am

You really have a lovely grasp of Tara's character and voice. Really enjoying this, hope you keep on with it.

------------------
Shiver me timberless.

Dumbsaint
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby wiccachica » Mon Mar 04, 2002 10:34 am

Okay...how do I say this....

I REALLY LOVE the tempo you put to your writing ....it gives soooo much meaning to the words....

In the immortal words of Oliver:

".....may I have some more?"

------------------
"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy

" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz

wiccachica
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Mon Mar 04, 2002 1:18 pm

Hey all. Next part should be out soon. Just fixing a couple of minor kinks. Thanks for all the nice feedback. Again, I feel so loved.
Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Garner » Mon Mar 04, 2002 1:27 pm

Comments on first Part:

I would cut the first “very” in the “very core of me and...” sentence since there is a second “very” in front of reason and that is a tad cliched. No, on second thought cut the second one, it is not needed and it reads better without it.
There is a tone problem that becomes evident starting with the sentence “You have to understand that she was my everything.” Prior to that this seems more like a journal or diary entry than a letter. After this point it seems more like a letter.
Word choice in the sentence that ends with “...in short, a wreck.” seems off. Instead of “wreck” try “a nobody” or “a wallflower” or maybe even “a ghost.” Wreck implies some distress which I don’t think applies. The rest of the paragraph is very well done and definitely sums up the changes and feelings we have seen. Good job there.
Her fear of ridicule and rejection are well stated as well. Thinking of her hair as a defense is interesting. “A mess” is a much better description than “a wreck.”
“I loved her” Past tense??? I can definitely see her having been angry enough have hated Willow for her actions for a short while, at least.
Overall, this is very good and there are few simple structure/grammer errors. It reads nicely and the sentiment is well expressed and something I think Tara would be feeling. Just recheck the tone of the start. I hope that you will think about trying something else.

Comments on second part:

Much better written with hardly any errors at all. Good improvement. I also did not see the tense problems you had in the first part. I think you have the essence of the dream down, both the arousal and the nightmare aspects. Very well done. I would wonder what time frame this takes place in. I would think sometime close to the break up and not at the current period, though you never know. I definitely hope you keep on going. Great improvement!

Garner

Garner
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Mjovi1 » Mon Mar 04, 2002 7:00 pm

"I Don't Know if I Can."

By Mjovi1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to "As you Were"
Summary: The moment of truth.


Today I did something that made her cry.

She invited me over to her house and I, knowing better, went anyway-because I missed her. I missed her face, her eyes, her hands, her body…I missed her voice. The way that she talks; they way she goes off in a tangent when she is nervous. I missed the adorable way that she smiles. I missed my Willow.

So off I went to the house that used to be my home and getting there, I was nervous. She opened the door and I could tell she was nervous too. It was Buffy’s birthday party all over again. But we managed to get over it and started actually talking.

Oh, it was fun momma. She made me giddy. Just sitting down next to her, hearing her voice, seeing the excitement in her eyes when we got to talking about a subject that fascinated her…It was us. The way we used to be.

She was in the middle of telling me something about one of her classes, I honestly can’t remember what. I was too busy taking in Willow to actually HEAR Willow. Does that make sense? I was too busy watching her- her movements, her energy, to actually discern the words that were coming out of that um, very sexy mouth.

Anyway, in the middle of what I’m sure was a very impassioned speech, she grabbed my hand. Not consciously, more of a caught up in the moment way. But it stopped her mid-ramble and it stopped me mid-stare.

She looked at me expectantly wondering if I would pull my hand away or if I would turn it over and interlock my fingers with hers. I wanted to do the latter. It would be so simple wouldn’t it? Just to take that hand into mine and give us a chance, a promise of a future. I could see the twin emotions of fear and hope in her eyes, fear of rejection, and hope of forgiveness, all in one simple touching of hands. I gave in, I wanted a future. I turned my hand and grabbed hers. She smiled. It was a wondrous smile, blinding. As if she were a kid and I had just given her a shiny new bike. I smiled in return. I couldn’t help it, how can you not return a Willow smile?

Then that smile wavered and her eyes got watery. I panicked. I was wondering what I did. Should I have not taken her hand? Was it too soon? I started to take my hand away but her grip got tighter.

“Stay.” She said, “Please.” So I did. I leaned back into the couch and took a tighter grip of her hand.

It seemed as if we stayed that way forever, just holding hands and staring at nothing.

Then she started talking.

“Tara, I don’t, I mean, I’m so…”

“Shhh. Not now. We’ll, talk about it, we need to talk about it, but this is good, right now, this is good.”

She nodded and we went back to sitting in silence.

I started making little circles on her wrist with my thumb. Her hand jerked and her pulse quickened. I didn’t mean to start that, truly. It was just that her hand felt so good in mine and I had to touch more of it. I kept making the circles and I felt her breath quicken. She turned her body towards mine, her mouth half open, exuding shallow pants. I looked at her, wanting. She leaned in and kissed me…it was like coming home. There was the Willow taste I remembered, the sweet breath on my mouth, the smooth tongue on my lip. I sighed. Content. Then leaned in and took more. Here was my Willow, my everything.

I stopped and opened my eyes to see her. She opened hers too. The wanting in them was evident. Her pupils were dilated, engulfing the green, turning the eyes almost black. Black. I inwardly shuddered.


“Tara?”

I shook my head and smiled at her. She’s Willow. It was okay. My dream came back to me, her in control. *She has so much power over me. She is my everything and she could destroy me.* I tried to block those thoughts out and started kissing her again, but all I saw when I closed my eyes was me. Broken, defeated, nothing. Because if she did this again, if she used me again, I’d be nothing.

“Tara honey, Will you give me another chance? Will you give us another chance?” She whispered against my lips.

Chains, shackles, blackness, emptiness. I stopped abruptly and tore my lips from hers. I was out of breath and my chest was heaving. I looked at her and saw my world. I looked at her and saw misery.

“I don’t know if I can.”


Mjovi1
 


New Member/ New Fic

Postby Kilopto » Mon Mar 04, 2002 7:07 pm

Ahhhh I love this! Please continue writing this and soon! I just love the way you write Tara's voice/thoughts. It's really good!! Please please more more!!
Kilopto
 

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