But what if…
Title: Falling Star - part 1
Author: chronic
Feedback: Advice, criticism and abuse all welcome. This is my first fic, so please be gentle…
Summary - Alternate W/T story arc for season 6.
Spoiler Warning: Up to and including "All the Way"
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, I own nothing.
Rating: PG
Notes: The story begins shortly after All the Way. Assume the other major storylines (Buffy and Spike, Xander and Anya, Dawn's stealing etc) are happening, unless I contradict them.
Here we go…
The baby's cries filled the room.
"Congratulations Mrs Rosenberg, you have a beautiful baby daughter."
The nurse wrapped the child in a blanket and carefully handed her to her exhausted mother. Sheila Rosenberg looked lovingly down at her daughter, then up at her husband. She couldn't remember ever seeing a grin that big on his face. Ira Rosenberg put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "You're sure about her name?" he asked. They had tried to pick one boy's name and one girl's name, but had been unable to narrow the list down to one of each until yesterday. He still thought it was a strange name - suggested by his sister - but Sheila loved it. Said it would "make her feel more of an individual." He took his child in to his arms, and if possible his grin grew even bigger. "Welcome to the world, Willow Rosenberg."
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Ellen MaClay held her sleeping daughter tightly in her arms. She looked up as her husband entered the room. John MaClay hadn't been present at the birth, of course. That wouldn't be proper. He came and stood by the bed. "A girl" was all he said.
Ellen winced. She had tried not to think about how her daughter would be treated by her family. She remembered how her father had "controlled" the beast inside her during her childhood. She remembered the look on John's face the night her father had told him about the family curse, about what he was marrying. But he had married her anyway, and he "controlled" her too. You will be stronger than me, she thought. You will be stronger than all of us.
"She needs a name" Ellen said. "I thought maybe…"
"We'll name her Tara" John said. "After my mother."
Ellen had expected no less. She smiled down at her daughter. You may be named for someone else, she thought, but I promise, you will make your name your own, Tara.
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Willow loved waking up in Tara's arms. Every morning when she returned to the waking world, the first sensation she had was of those arms holding her, and for a few seconds, that was all that existed. Then the rest of the world would fade back in to Willow's mind. When she was younger, Willow had hated those first seconds of each day, before she remembered who she was, but now she cherished them. They made it so clear that with Tara holding her, nothing else mattered.
A brief frown wrinkled her forehead as she remembered their fight last night. Sometimes she still had nightmares about their last fight. She would endlessly relive the moment when she saw Glory, tearing away Tara's mind, knowing she would never reach them in time. And what was worse, she knew that Tara had only been on her own, vulnerable, because of the fight. Still, she had sorted out last night's problems, and there was nothing to worry about. Things were good between her and Tara again, and that was all that mattered. Willow rolled on to her side, and pulled Tara closer. Tara made a small noise, still half asleep, but she tightened her hold on Willow, returning the embrace.
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"Resurrection spells are notoriously unpredictable, and there are few documented cases of complete success. In most cases, the spell had no effect. In others, the attempt to reach the spirit world allowed other creatures to enter ours, usually resulting in the deaths of all involved. In cases where the deceased was brought back, the subject was often so damaged that they were no longer recognisable as human, mentally, if not physically. Even in cases where the subject appeared to be the same as they had always been, they often found themselves unable to cope with their literal new lease of life."
Giles looked up as a shadow fell across the page he was reading. "Xander. Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Lunch break" Xander said indistinctly, his mouth full. He waved the rest of his sandwich to make his point.
"Lunch?" Giles asked, looking at his watch. "oh, so it is. Lost track of time."
"Good book?" Xander asked, pointing at it with his sandwich.
"Oh, um, yes, very interesting" Giles said, closing the book. "I've been doing some research on the spell Willow did."
Xander pulled up a chair and sat down. "It did work, right? I mean, Buffy came back. All reanimated and everything."
"Certainly" Giles said. "Yes, I think the spell succeeded as best it could. But Buffy has undoubtedly been affected by her experience."
"Well, yeah. Tortured in a Hell dimension and all" Xander said. "I think she's doing pretty well for someone who's been through what she has."
Giles looked at Xander as he leaned forward. He was always the first of all of them to come to Buffy's defence. Sometimes even before Giles. It reassured him, he knew he could count on Xander to do what was needed, even if he couldn't.
"She's avoiding responsibility" Giles said. "All her responsibility. Last night, when she left me to deal with Dawn, it was just the latest incident. She has to learn to stand on her own again."
"What are you saying, that we stop helping her?" Xander asked, disbelief evident in his voice.
"No, no, not at all" Giles reassured him. "But we have to know the difference between helping her, and doing things for her."
"Ok" Xander said. "So we make sure she doesn't ditch her responsibilities."
Giles looked down, unable to meet Xander's eyes. "I'm not sure I can" he confessed. Off Xander's look he continued. "I cant' say for sure that if Buffy asks for my help, I won't give it to her if its something she needs to do by herself." He looked up at Xander. "I need you to look after her. To decide when she needs out help, and when she should stand on her own."
It was Xander's turn to look away. He understood what Giles was asking, not just to look out for his friend, but to make sure he and the others only did what was best for Buffy, even if they wanted to help more. In short, Giles was asking him to be Buffy's Watcher, to take on the responsibility that he felt unable to carry. Xander looked Giles in the eyes and nodded. "Understood."
Giles nodded, then smiled to break the somber mood. If he was honest with himself, he hadn't really liked Xander when he first knew him. But of the man Xander had grown in to, Giles was very proud.
Xander shivered, as if trying to shake off the seriousness of their conversation. "so" he began. "How did things go with Dawn last night?"
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"It sucked" Dawn said. She lay on her bed, her feet on the pillow. Tara lay beside her with her head by Dawn's feet.
"Aw, tellings off always do" she told Dawn. "But you know it was only cos he was worried." Her voice grew quieter. "We all were."
"I know" Dawn said reluctantly. "But it still sucked."
"I know" said Tara. "But it could have been worse."
"How?"
"He could have done this!" With that, Tara grabbed Dawn's feet and began tickling them. Dawn shrieked with laughter. "Get off, get off!" she cried between giggles. Tara relented with a giggle of her own.
"So how are you guys?" Dawn asked. "Things seemed a little, I dunno, intense last night."
Tara frowned. "What do you mean?"
"In the kitchen, when Will made those decorations?"
The witch's frown deepened. "I don't know what you mean, Dawnie. Everything's fine with me and Will." A sudden sense of unease gripped her. She thought back to the party, but she couldn't remember saying anything to Willow about the party decorations. And she knew she should have, it was a frivolous use of magic. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember why she had stayed silent.
"Well, that's all kinds of good. You two are so made for each other." Tara smiled at that. Secretly, she suspected that she had been made for Willow. She'd always known there was something missing from her life, and that something was Willow Rosenberg.
"But she's not gonna save you."
"W-w-what?" Tara stammered, shaken from her thoughts.
"From me!" Dawn cried, grabbing Tara's feet and tickling them mercilessly. Both girls exploded in to a fit of giggles.
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Willow turned when she saw Xander looking over her shoulder, a small smile on his face. She raised an eyebrow when she saw what he was looking at. Anya stood before the till, swaying and waving her arms.
"You really do that every night, don't you" Willow said.
The ex demon nodded. "The dance of capitalist superiority. I could teach you?"
"Thanks, I'll pass" the witch said, turning in time to catch Xander chuckling to himself. She turned back to her computer.
"Whatcha doin' Will?" Xander asked.
"Paperwork for the house. You know, paying bills, budgeting, stuff like that."
"Shouldn't Buffy be doing that stuff? I mean, it is her house."
"Well, I live there too. Besides, I'm better at this kinda thing. And Buffy still isn't herself."
"Yeah, about that…" He was interrupted by the sound of the bell as Tara entered.
"Hey" Willow said. "I was just about to come home. Something wrong?"
Her lover shook her head. "Just thought I'd walk you home" she said, sitting down.
"Aw" the redhead said, taking her hand and resting her head on Tara's shoulder. Tara waved at Xander, who smiled back.
"Xander!" Anya called from behind the counter. "Come help me with this!"
"I live to serve" Xander said, rolling his eyes as he stood, and made his way over to the till.
"Will, I need to ask you something" Tara began. Willow raised her head and turned to look her in the face. "Did we have a fight yesterday?"
"A, a fight?" Willow echoed. "Don't be silly." Even she noticed her voice was too high pitched.
"Dawn s-said that we were arguing at the party. Ab-bout the d-decorations. But I can't remember. I can't remember saying anything about the decorations, a-and I know I should have…"
Willow tried to think straight over the clamouring voices in her head. Oh god oh god oh god oh god…
She took Tara's hand, more to buy herself time to think than anything else. I cant' lose her I can't please don't let it happen it can't happen I won't let it I won't let it happen.
"Willow?" Tara's voice shook, and she couldn't bring herself to look Willow in the face. She knows something, what does she know, why hasn't she told me?
"Tara, we, I mean, I…" Willow's voice froze. Her mind was now completely empty, except for one thought. I can't lose Tara I can't lose Tara I can't lose Tara…
She didn't even make a conscious decision, the word simply came to her lips. "Forget."
Tara blinked, then looked down to where Will was still holding her hand, and smiled shyly. "Home?" she asked.
"Home" Willow told her, and grinned widely. She was glad things were ok between them again. They stood and called out their goodbyes. "See you tomorrow!" came Xander's answering cry from the basement.
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"Will you pass the salt?"
"Huh?" Buffy said, coming back to Earth with a bump.
"Can you pass the salt, please" Tara repeated.
"Oh, sure" Buffy passed it to her, and Tara sprinkled some in to the pan. It was strange, when she was at home she had hated cooking, but she didn't want to leave her mother to do it all. And then Mom got sick, and Tara did all the housework. Cousin Beth helped when she came to live with them, but that girl was good at looking pretty and not much else, in Tara's opinion. Of course, Dad and Donny couldn't be expected to do women's work.
But here, she loved cooking. She'd never say it out loud, but she was the best cook in the Summer's house. Besides, she enjoyed helping out. Even helping Dawn tidy her room, and that wasn't a job for the faint hearted. She had once told Will that she didn't feel useful, and her lover had told her she was essential. She didn't believe that, at least, not as far as the other Scoobies were concerned. But she did feel appreciated, and that was more than enough. They were here family.
She glanced over at Buffy, who was lost in thought again. She worried about the slayer. Obviously they couldn't expect her to get over what she had experienced in the afterlife, but she seemed to be becoming less and less connected with the everyday world, content to just drift through life. She turned back to her cooking. She'd talk it over with the others. She didn't like talking about Buffy behind her back, but something clearly needed to be done.
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Willow stared at the crystal in her hand. Although to the normal eye it hadn't changed, she could see that it was blacker, now that it was powering a second forget spell. She knew it wasn't right to cast a spell on someone without their permission, but she was doing this for good reasons. She was making sure that she and Tara stayed happy and together, with nothing to come between them. What reason could possibly be better than that? She nodded, knowing that she was doing the right thing, and slipped the crystal in to her pocket. She took a sprig of Lethe's Bramble from a plastic bag, and hid the bag behind a book. She knew that if Tara found the herb, it would upset her, knowing that Willow had such potentially powerful ingredients in the house. And Willow wouldn't let anything upset her baby.
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"Come in" Dawn called.
"Hey Dawnie" Willow said as she sat on the younger girl's bed. "How ya doin'?"
"Good. Done my homework, tidied my room, learned my lesson."
"Dawnie, I didn't mean…"
"Its ok" Dawn said apologetically. "It was a dumb thing to do." She looked down. "I'm sorry I made you worry" she said quietly.
"Hey, its ok" Willow said, putting an arm round Dawn's shoulders. Dawn leaned in to her. She looked down, and saw that Willow was fiddling with a piece of grass or something, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger.
"Dawn" Willow began. "What did you see at the party?"
"I-it wasn't like I was spying or anything" Dawn said, panic in her voice. "I just walked in and heard you arguing."
"Dawn, its ok." Willow patted the crystal through her pocket. "I wanted to have a word with you about it, that's all."
To be continued...
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When he wakes up tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.