Author: dulcinea
Feedback: I can hack it…it would be nice to get some constructive criticism.. be gentle, it’s my first time.
Summary: Tara thinks about why willow was running the other way
Spoiler Warning: umm…S6 Normal again – and anything up to that I suppose.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I’m not that creative.
Rating: G...
Notes: I haven’t written anything for a few years, so I’m a bit rusty. It might come off a bit disjointed – as I was writing it at work, during a slow, boring nightshift. I’ll put any grammar, spelling and stuff that doesn’t make sense down to fatigue…lol. Oh, and I couldn’t come up with a better title.
Oops…snapping out of her daydream, Tara watched her pen as it went flying out of her hand and halfway across the lecture hall. Oh, now I just feel stupid...is everyone looking at me…did I just do that? I hope no one noticed.
Tara blushed, then giggled, remembering the time Willow had jumped up in class, eager to answer the professors question – forgetting that they were in the old lecture theatre – the one where the seats sprang upright when you stood up. She’d had a few bruises that had needed some tender care that evening…Willow…I miss you…okay, I can do it…I’ll ring her after class. I’ll go home, put my stoic face on, and I can just ring her to chat…I can just be her friend…for now.
The rest of the class was already leaving the room, as Tara packed up her bag, preoccupied with the phone call she was tentatively looking forward too.
"Tracey!!" Tara smiled as she saw her new friend from the dorms coming towards her. Tracey leant in and pecked her on the check "Tara! How are you?"
"I’m good…you know…been “tear free” today so far" Tara winced…the second night she spent at the dorms – Tracey and her girlfriend had noticed that they had a very upset new neighbour…and how she had broken down and ended up crying herself to sleep curled up in the chair in Tracey’s room.
"good. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow morning then? Breakfast?" as Tracey ran off to her next class…
Suddenly Tara became aware of a familiar presence.and looked over in time to see the love of her life hurrying off down the hallway. Her good mood of a few seconds earlier faded, and her heart sank. The hurt and loss was all over her face. Why was she running away? Is she avoiding me? Heading back to her new room, she puzzled over Willow’s reaction. She must have seen me…why else would she have been going the other way? I thought we were becoming friends again. She’d seemed so happy to see me at Buffy’s birthday. Despite the aching pain she had felt, that had been one of the best times of the past few months. Being stuck in the house with Willow….and the rest of the Scoob’s of course. And the way she’d harrassed Spike – that was fun. Willow – well, Willow - she’d been more like the girl she’d fallen in love with.
Reaching her room, she pushed the door shut, threw her bag on the chair, and put on her favourite Natalie Merchant CD. She’d found herself listening to it a lot lately. The songs were hopeful – in a depressing kinda way.
Thoughts swirled around in her head, as the scene of willow scampering down the hall away from her replayed in her mind. Suddenly it all became clear…Willow was waiting for me…I walked out of the class – and Tracey kissed me on the cheek…oh god….nah, Willow wouldn’t think….she knows…knows what? Tara berated herself…she knows that I left her!! I walked out… That moment still cut her deep inside. It had been the right thing to do. She knew that. She hadn’t known it until they’d had the fight at Xander and Anya’s place. But when she’d said the words " I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space.." . She knew that it would happen. Granted, she hadn’t wanted to, but was resigned to the fact that she needed some space – She would have let Willow get away with everything. One look at Willows "love me" expression and she’d forgive her for anything. Willow had her heart, and Tara had trusted her to keep it safe. The danger she put us in – distorting our minds like that….I had no choice but to leave…I think she sees that now…A tear dripped down her cheek..I don’t want to live without her in my life. I can’t do it. It hurts too much….Her mind turned back to the incident after class…and now she thinks I’ve found someone new. Yeah right…Tara muttered…like I can even see past her?…she doesn’t know it, but I don’t even "see" anyone else…She loved her redheaded girl with her entire being, forever. It wasn’t that she wasn’t aware of other women – but her mind didn’t even register the concept of anyone other than Willow. [I} if I’d seen her with some other girl…I probably would have freaked too… What have I done? [/I]Subconciously, she knew that it wasn’t her fault, but she felt somewhat responsible. I have to talk to her…tell her I still love her.[/I].Although, that might be going to far right now…if she heard herself say those words..she wouldn’t be able to deny anything…She’d throw herself into Willows arms and that would be it…as much as she dreamed that. It wouldn’t be the right thing to do. I’ll ring her…no, she probably wouldn’t come to the phone…I’ll have to go over there…
Sitting up, she saw the shopping bag on the floor next to the wardrobe…well, it couldn’t hurt to wear my new trousers..could it…
Tara half smiled as she walked out the door….remembering Tracey’s exclamation during their "cheer up Tara" shopping trip…well, Tracey, if I look as hot as you said I did in these pants, Willow won’t be able to be mad at me….
[This message has been edited by dulcinea (edited March 13, 2002).] just fixing some really obvious spelling errors...
[This message has been edited by dulcinea (edited March 13, 2002).]