by theatremouse » Wed Sep 25, 2002 12:59 pm
um, so yeah, in response to the question o' the day, That's [i:b4d9c85696] all[/i:b4d9c85696] I do.
my best friend EVER, greatest human on the planet, only person i trust, only person i'm safe with, loves me and i actually believe her, i adore, think is a goddess, best friend, also, exgirlfriend.
i concluded i'd fallen for her, whilst in a play, playng her love interest (doncha love that? oy.) so we were flirting all the time and giving each other superinlove eyes and looks left and right and making all sorts of "we're married" jokes in all our spare time for a good three weeks, during rehearsal, and whatnot, and of course it carried over to our general everyday vernacular. it's like "ok we're tremendously flirty" that how it goes. and i loved it, and then after i a while, i couldnt stand it, cuz it was "damn, shes got a boyfriend and is straight" (at that point) so anyway, eventually she dumped the boy, i kinda, just on a whim and without thinking about it, told her how i felt just so i wouldnt do anything stupid or mellodramatic later. she was freaked, to steal a willowism and say the least. (oh, gotta go back a little, told her i was bi maybe two weeks before, and of course, she couldnt care less and wasnt particularly shocked, the being freaked was in response to the feelings for her) so then our friendship got all fizzley and uncomfy and no good for a while. and then i ended up in this huge long affair with a guy, which oddly enough, evolved out of his interest in her.... but that's another long story, and irrelevant, and she wasnt interested in him anyway so it didnt matter.
fast forward a year, a year almost exactly to the day i "came out" to her. guess who's gay now? oh yeah. guess who she turns to? moi. she's in love with some girl she met over the summer, while i was still with said dude. this was the fun part where i found out she was wicked jealous cuz of this dude. (it always strikes me as amazing that anyone could be jealous of someone else over ME. i have no self esteem like that...)
so anyway, she's pining away for said girl, who's unavailible. i'm trying to be the bestest good friend type that i usually am, and console her. and we go straight back to as great friends as we'd used to be. good times. but of course i was all "why dont you love me?" internally. i'm so not telling this well, but whatever, i'm also trying to be as brief as possible and it's tricky. anyway, so suffice it to say, couple months later, we get together, and are a verrrry cute couple for a while. then it's gets bad, for many reasons. we break up. bad bad bad emotional no goodness. very harsh. a month later, we're on good terms, but fooling around and hiding it from everyone. (everyone being all the people who'd known we were together and had broken up) we shoot a movie together and have a lovely affair. then she goes away for two months, finds the original pined for girl availible, tells everyone but me and is all ecstatic, and hides it from me remarkably well. talks to me infrequently, but still all flirty-like, and everytime i ask about other girl (who i'd become semi friendly with over the lapsed time, knowing nothing that they were together) she cuts me off and says she has to go. THAT's the trick i taught her. dont lie, just be vague and avoid saying anything untrue. so of course, she never lied to me. then i find out. then i go nuts. have some lovely little clinical depression. eventually force myself into being ok with their relationship. get ack my bestest great friend. our relationship is strong as ever, as the best friends we'd always been. i'm chummy with her new gal.
since then i had a semi relationship with a "wont admit outloud shes gay" girl who runs away anytime things seemed to real, and actually kinda gay, and one day stand, i suppose it was, with a verrrrrry straight friend, who actually has been suppressing a huge crush on the afforemention big love of life best friend girl of mine, but has religious issues and would never do anything to interfere with that, though apparently i'm sooooo seductive or something (this makes me laugh), but yeah, she was/is still one of my closest friends, and except for about two days afterward, nothing changed between the two of us, and she's still with her boyfriend, and um....i'm still superflirty with my original girl. whom i swear is just my best friend, but i've never been able to say no to. whom i watched the buffy premier with last night, and who knows what the hell'll happen next? but, the point is we've gone from friends, to more, to friends like 3 times, and we're always good. but maybe we're an exception. and my other closest friend and i suceeded in going back and forth once, so i say, totally possible. not neccessarily good idea. obviously can and does go bad, but also can and does work fine.
i'm a firm believer in, if you make it ok wholeheartedly, it'll be fine, if it feels awkward and ruined, and you let it (either of you) its gonna go that way. it's all about keeping the energy in the right flow. and being rediculously blunt and honest about all things always. entirely ignoring all human convention of dancing around issues or hiding things or keeping anything unsaid.
that's the mousetale.
peace.
, because i do have some class! 
)
