Bed and Bawd
Anus-trumpet interfaces. Superglue-todger collisions. Same-sex snogging. It can only be American Pie 2'. Empire joins the cream of the cast for a bout of X-rated pillow talk...
Lets just get one thing straight from the word go, says Seann William Scott to his American Pie 2' co-star Jason Biggs. If your grizzled ballsack so much as brushes my forehead, youre a dead man. Alyson Hannigan - currently snuggled between the two Romeos on a king-size bed - shakes her head in frustration. Can you guys stop fighting and get on with it?, she sighs. Im ready. And Im in the perfect position here. It makes my boobs look really big. Biggs takes a deep breath and resigns himself to the task at hand. Fine, he says, but the ballsack rule works both ways.
Mid-afternoon in a lavish Dorchester Hotel suite, and the logistics of an impromptu menage trois are proving problematic. Nevertheless, here for an exclusive Empire photoshoot, the threesome is in exuberant form. Thus far, todays antics have involved a pillow fight (scratch one ridiculously expensive vase off the inventory), an enlightening unveiling of one of Hannigans tattoos, on the small of her back (Dont worry, she urges, Its way above my crack) and a bemused group tour of the en suite bathroom. I dont know whether to put my ass on it, ponders Scott, as he studies the golden seashell toilet seat, or use it as a mirror.
And so to bed. Or at least, it would be, had Biggs not now disappeared. Again. Hes what?, asks an incredulous Scott. Hes squeezing a spot? Biggs man, youre a fucking liability! A shout from the bathroom. Hold on a minute! Im haemorrhaging in here!, Biggs moans, dabbing his now bloody chin with tissue. Jesus, I thought Id got through this whole puberty thing...
The Rule of Three
The travails of adolescence aside, one of American Pie 2's most memorable running motifs takes the form of an equation. And its one almost certain to spark arguments between budding lovebirds. The Rule of Three, you see, is this: in order to ascertain the number of people a person has slept with, simply:
1) Ask them;
2) If theyre a guy, divide that number by three;
and 3) if theyre a girl, multiply by three.
The number is pretty arbitrary, but probably also quite accurate. It works because its that age-old thing of guys wanting to be seen as studs and girls not wanting to be seen as sluts, says Biggs. So yeah, I can just see the guys sitting next to their girlfriends in the cinema and thinking The bitch! I knew six seemed a little on the low side!
The rule for the three chums still larking about on the bed, however, is rather less specific. Unquestionably the stars of the show this time around, each of their roles has been considerably beefed-up for the sequel - at the expense of Chris Klein and co. and in the wake of hugely positive audience reaction. Which, by all accounts, is both a blessing and a bugbear.
Post-Pie 1, both Biggs and Scott have suffered a degree of typecasting (Biggs: Loser, Scott: Dude, Wheres My Car? and Evolution) which has so far failed to bring them projects that equal their breakout performances. Little wonder both are now keen to diversify. Biggs has recently plunged himself in at the deep end with the bleak as you like Prozac Nation, alongside Christina Ricci; while Scott is rather more easing himself towards his dream action hero shit, courtesy of the upcoming still comedy, but a lot, lot darker Stark Raving Mad.
Hannigan, meanwhile, now cuddling up to Scott on the duvet despite Biggs Hey! Thats my girl! complaints - has followed a more public path. And if her hectic schedule as Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayers lesbian witch (Joss Whedon knows Im pretty much up for anything), has seen her shy away from features, its not exactly diminished her profile. The other day I went book shopping without my phone or pager and by the time I got home, there were loads of messages on my answerphone, with people asking if I was okay, she remembers. Apparently, just because people hadnt been able to get hold of me, this story that Id died had gone out on the internet! But I guess thats one of the handy things about fame. I mean, I dont have to phone my mom and dad to say Im going to London, because if I did get run over or something like that, theyd hear about it on the news. Its not like theyd be wondering where I was... An interesting, if perhaps somewhat morbid, philosophy. Yeah, Hannigan smiles sweetly, but I think its important to find the positive things in life. Well, quite.
American Pie 2, Albania 0
Eleven oclock that evening and relief is flowing. Messrs Owen and Fowler have just sent England to the top of their World Cup group - Not a classic performance, notes Biggs, but its three more points in the bag - and the American Pie 2' post-UK premiere party is going with something of a swing, following a rapturous reception to the film. And thats always something youre nervous about, says Scott, a half-eaten canape in one hand and a bottle of Bud in the other. You know, you sit there and think Please, God, dont let this go down like Porkys 2'. Thankfully, from the reaction we had here tonight, Im saying this is more the Godfather Part II of the slapstick genre.
Now a week and a half into their six-week promotional tour (last stop France), this shindig is a welcome opportunity to let down some collective hair. Joined by fellow pastry cohort Shannon Elizabeth, the cast members mingle, dance and toast absent friends (Mena Suvari, they hope, will join them in Switzerland). I could regret this in the morning, says Scott, gripping a fresh Bud. He could be right.
Boy on Girl Action
The morning after, and Seanns not feeling too good , according to his publicist. So Ive sent him back to bed and hopefully you guys can hook up later. (We do. P.S. Scott would like it pointed out that this illness was actually down to a recurring sore throat. Not that anyone will believe that, I guess.)
Biggs and Hannigan, though, are on espresso number two, and holding up rather better. Considering American Pie 2's already huge box office ($131 million in the US, as well as being Germanys - Those zany Germans, laughs Biggs - biggest hit of the year), the success of last nights screening may not have been a financial concern, but that it played so well has certainly quelled any nerves the pair had about returning to their roles.
My main issue was basically, How the hell do you top humping a pie?, says Biggs. Then, of course, I read Adam Herzs genius script and was drawn straightaway to the Jim super-glues his hand to his penis scene. I was like, Okay, done deal. Where do I sign? Hannigan laughs. And isnt he simply brilliant at super-gluing his penis to his hand? I mean, its so convincing, youd almost think it was drawn from personal experience. Biggs howls in mock horror. Oh, I shouldnt be cruel, she giggles. After all, my heart did go out to him sometimes. Particularly in the scene where I shove the trumpet up his ass. You know, the poor thing. He was standing there in a tiny G-string bikini and Im saying to J.B. (Rogers, director), So, am I jabbing this right up, or easing it in? Oh, okay, flute girl, Biggs fires back. Hannigan shoots him a playful glare. Actually, I played the clarinet in high school. And no, I didnt stick that anywhere I shouldnt have.
Boy on Boy Action
After lunch, and Hannigan has retired for the day, while the partially recovered Scott (to be fair, his throat does sound rough) has now surfaced, to accompany Biggs on a run through the only two remaining topics. Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, was on set that day, says Biggs, of his and Scotts much-hyped kissing scene. And it was a bit weird at first, but after a while I think we both warmed to it. Scott raises an eyebrow. Speak for yourself, man! As far as I remember, as soon as wed finished we were like Right. Good job guys. Now lets go get a beer. And watch football. And whatever other manly shit we can think of. Although, when we found out we had to re-shoot it later, Im sure I saw a twinkle in your eye...
All of which just leaves one question. American Pie 3?, says Scott. Its impossible to say a definite no. But its not something I think any of us would wan to do right now. Besides , I think Ive finally run out of bodily fluids. Biggs leans back in his seat and laughs. Oh, I dont know, he says. I think youll find out youre still plenty full of shit.
There was also a little Seth Green interview in their 'Talent' section:
Seth Green
The Diet Coke of Evil turned full-fat film star
[i]I was bullied at school, but I had it coming. You know: short kid, red hair, funny name, big vocabulary...
Dr. Evil may have been the one threatening to take over the world, but little did he know that his own flesh and blood would steal it from under him. Apart from Austin Powers, Greens regular slot on Buffy the Vampire Slayer has sealed his status as a hot property. And, while the latter has resulted in some rather bizarre fan mail (Fuck em, he laughs, theyre a bunch of cocksucking lycanthropes), Green now finds himself in two movies this month - Rat Race, and with Julia, John, Catherine and co. in Americas Sweethearts - as well as one new sitcom, Greg the Bunny and the proud owner of Scorned, the self-penned script (Its The War of the Roses in college) he now has in development at Disney.
Not bad going for the really bad kid who, along with fellow reprobate Breckin Meyer, has a distinct penchant for anarchy. Once we drove past this store that had a 40-foot inflatable King Kong on the roof, Green remembers, smiling mischeviously. That came straight down. Trust me, theres nothing funnier than a giant gorilla bouncing down Ventura Boulevard at 3am.
Interview by Lesley OToole
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"There's only one thing better than Willowhand, and that's Amber Butt" - me, to Amber Benson.
[This message has been edited by tyche (edited September 29, 2001).]
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