[center]Relinquished Symmetry[/center]
Disclaimer: Many rich people own BTVS and its characters…I am not one of them.
Rating: R
Author’s Notes: This storyline takes everything up to halfway through New Moon Rising as the gospel. I have made a BIG change that may make some kittens ‘thwack’ me with a shovel…or, more appropriately, a sledgehammer. Also, some of the dynamics of Angel have been altered to suit me. This is an angsty piece.
Feedback: Of any sorts…sure. On the board is fine. No posting elsewhere without my consent.
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PART 26
Willow felt as if she were going to vomit. It was painful throb in her abdomen that made her want to push her fingers into her throat just to get it over with so her stomach would stop burning and quaking.
How could I have forgotten? This was the one chance I was waiting for…it’s finally arrived and I don’t even need it.
The dining room table was covered with a Sunnydale map full of plotted coordinates. They were points from a log that Xander kept about the assignments Willow had given them. They were the locations where they found and killed monsters - exactly where Willow had told them they would be.
Wesley had carefully connected the points using star charts and it formed a large pattern. It was a pattern that both Wesley and Buffy had quickly recognized from a book.
And so had Tara. Except she had seen it in person…around the redhead’s very neck, in fact.
It was a very good rendering of Willow’s agate protection charm.
Buffy was fuming.
“How could you use me…all of us…like pawns? “
It wasn’t like that.
“How could you risk our lives without telling us ANYTHING?”
I didn’t think it would work. I didn’t think I’d be able to go through with it if it did work. I thought it was safer for you not to know.
But Willow really knew she had no excuse.
So she just sat there and took it.
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If the setting was a basement with grey, musty cinder block walls and only one hanging light bulb, perhaps Tara would understand the state of affairs. Instead it was the slayer’s mostly warm and pleasant dining room, and it seemed a strange place for to watch Buffy’s relentless interrogation and anger-filled release of frustration.
Willow’s plan was ingenious. She managed to mix math and science with magic. She stimulated power sources readily available in the environment at exact times to extract the energy she would need to activate her charm.
Tara only needed a brief scan of an old Sumerian tome to understand the purpose of the charm.
It was a cure for Willow, though an ill-advised one, that would’ve repaired everything that their tangled magic had caused. It would have removed the drain of energy on her body and soul. It would have sliced the connection between the two of them. And it very likely would have burned all the magical ability out of Willow in the process.
How much pain did you endure to even consider such a dangerous idea?
Tara was hurt that Willow hadn’t told her about this, but she wasn’t angry. She was relieved, nearly to tears, that her love never had the chance to try this option. Tara certainly wasn’t anywhere near as enraged as Buffy, who had long passed trying to understand the rationale of Willow’s actions. The slayer’s aura was a jagged red scar of bitterness and betrayal.
Thank goodness it shouldn’t be too hard to deactivate the charm. It will stop all the monsters that are sensing the charm in her home or following the echoes of the magic she recently cast.
Buffy seemed less interested in that facet of the situation.
“Why in the hell would you do something that would attract so much danger to you?”
Tara could hear the real question.
Why wouldn’t you let me help you?
She knew that Buffy had lost so much, so many. Willow was just another failure on the list of people to keep safe. Buffy had given her young life to something that hurt her more than it healed. Tara had missed this earlier, but it was plain to see now that the slayer was tired…and she seemed very old to be something she never asked to be.
“You wanted to pretend you were our savior…is that it? You gave us scraps of charity, small stacks of money, while you used us any damn way you wanted. And all we could think was poor little hurt Willow.”
All of this made no difference to Tara. She wasn’t going to sit here any longer and watch Willow curl into herself under that kind of wrath.
Not when it was her fault too.
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“ENOUGH!” Tara growled, standing up from the dining chair next to Willow’s near the entryway side of the room.
“This isn’t your business,” Buffy spat, having no problem transferring her anger to the blonde.
“Willow is my business,” Tara replied authoritatively, moving around the table and facing Buffy squarely.
“For how long? Until the next time you fuck her over and leave town?” Buffy answered as she pushed herself closer.
“That was unnecessary,” Wesley interjected from his seat, even as Xander moved next to Buffy and put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.
Tara refused to reply; it was useless to bang her head against this wall right now. Plus, she didn’t want to upset Willow anymore.
“Wes…can you get my stuff? I think I’ve run out my welcome here. Willow, I’ll take you…” Tara turned around to realize that the redhead had exited the room and the house.
“Damn.”
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Tara was thankful to the Godesses that the grounds around Willow's building were deserted and that the security let her inside without any provocation. She rushed up to the dark apartment, worrying when she didn’t initially find Willow. When she realized that the shower was running, her pulse calmed and slowly went back to normal.
Tara walked into the unlit room, turning a light on to make her presence known. Willow met her eyes as she made her way to the shower. “You really shouldn’t run off like that. Danger and all.”
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry,” Willow whispered as the drops from the showerhead rained down her face and body. It was clear she had just been standing there letting the water cascade over her without a thought of actually showering.
Tara cut off the water and pulled her out of the shower and into a warm, fluffy towel and robe.
“No.” Tara assertively replied as she met green eyes that were avoiding her own.
“Hey…no sorries. Don’t be sorry for protecting yourself. I mean, I wish you had told me…”
Willow’s eyes begged to hers. “I wasn’t trying to hide this...”
“I know.”
“This has been the center of my existence for so long. I’ve felt like I was standing still while the world moved so fast around me. Then you come back and suddenly the world does finally stand still. I don’t want to just exist anymore. You give me choices so I can move once more. You take the weight away and I’m free. I’m not sure how to move yet, so many of those muscles have atrophied. But I am damn sure gonna learn how to move again…how to live my life again.”
Willow half rolled her eyes and shook her head. “And can I beat a metaphor to death or what?”
A wry smile was her answer.
Willow moved to the living room where the charm was lying on a side table, pulsing. She became serious again.
“I don’t want to lie to you or hide from you. I don’t…”
She picked it up, carefully avoiding the smooth stone, and threw it at the exposed brick of the fireplace. It crashed into the corner of the mantle and a small crack formed on the surface. The stone quickly lost its light and magical hum; it became a dead, inactive relic.
“I don’t need that. I trust you.”
Alright that was awsome thay are back together in everyway and the trust is back in place great update. Buffy needs to back off and let the girls handle it I can,t wait for more 
