Well, I'm still madly in love with the girl that after nearly a year together completely screwed me over. I don't know quite what happened. All I know is that everything was great, she was here, we were in love, and then she went back to Sweden and things got weird and I went over there to try and work out what the hell was wrong, she knew I was going, said she'd meet me at her school, and as I got there she was making out with a guy.
But to answer the actual question, I knew I was in love when I couldn't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I tried, and I wanted to spend every second in her presence. She made me feel safe and loved and I felt like everything that had ever bothered me was nothing. The world paled into nothing when she was around and I know it sounds cliched, but I honestly couldn't see anyone but her when she was around. Everything I did was centred around me, and everything I wrote (I'm a screenwriter) seemed so much happier than it had before. Everytime we touched, I knew that I never wanted to be anywhere but with her, and I knew I'd do anything to keep her happy and safe, and even though sometimes I think I hate her for what she did to me, I know that I don't, and I think I may well love her for the rest of my life. Crazy, huh?
She's coming back to England in 2 weeks with lots of her friends to come visit everyone, because she came to school with me for 3 months, and a part of me ( a completely irrational part, who knows?) still thinks that we'll get back together, but even if we do, I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust her again. So maybe its not the best thing for me? I don't even know if it would be a good idea to see her. I want to so badly, but I don't know whether that will work out in any way. I think it may well end up breaking my heart even more. Thankfully, the guy isn't coming with her, but I haven't even spoken to her since I got back to England, after the 200 million arguments we had in Sweden. I only know she's coming back because my best friend is in her Drama class, and I don't know. What say you that I just stay in my house for 2 weeks?
Anyway, that went more than a little off topic. I guess I just can't stop ranting whenever I think about her. I only intended to answer the questions, and I don't even know whether I did that or not. Sorry
Luv
Rachel
xox
*****************************************************************
So much of this world is based on illusionary temporariness and disposability that I think its important that our closest relationships reflect what is real. ~ Gillian Anderson