Tales of the Dumped

[unionjill30]

Suddenly I'm not feeling so bad about my pitiful relationship history. My "being dumped" story is incredibly long because it continues through years of drama, so instead of subjecting you all to every detail, I'll just give the Reader's Digest version. I'd say it all started waaaaayyy back sophomore year of high school. I had been dating this girl, Rachel, for only about a month, but I had this secret crush on her sister. Sure, I liked Rachel, but for the most part it just felt like we were friends rather than girlfriends. It turned out, her sister apparently had a crush on me as well. I broke it off with Rachel in a sad attempt to not hurt her (but how do you avoid hurting someone in that situation?) and started dating her sister. Sarah, the sister, and I dated for a while, but it was a horrible relationship. My mom thought she was the most horrible person to walk the face of the planet, and Sarah seemed to have a problem just dating one person for a while. It went on and off for about a year and a half until I got back from a summer in Europe before my senior year. I found out Sarah had been cheating on me all summer, and that was the end of that. A few months later I met Ashley. She was probably the single coolest person I've ever met. We had a lot in common and it was just a blast hanging out together. She had never dated a girl. She wanted to date me. We were together for about five months when I found out she had cheated on me with not one, but two, guys. We split up and didn't speak for a few months, but eventually we started talking again and to this day we still hang out when we have vacation from school. Then comes Libby. I met her the first day of soccer practice freshman year of college. I was still hurting over Ashley, so I asked Libby out as an attempt to move on. It seemed like a good idea at the time. On the surface, it appeared as if we were the perfect match. If you scratched the surface, however, you'd see that we had abolutely nothing in common and, frankly, I couldn't stand the girl. But, how do you break it off with someone you see every day on the practice field and in class? I tried to slowly ease out, but we didn't end up "taking a break" until about eight months later. We ended up getting back together for about two weeks until she went to a party and got drunk and cheated on me. Then, to add insult to injury, she didn't even give me the chance to break up with her. She dumped me for the girl she cheated on me with. That was a low blow that left me devastated. Now, here I am, five months later. I'm blissfully single, and I'm not even sure if I want to date. Maybe some day. My excuse for all my drama is the damn three-fold rule. I dumped a girl for her sister and got it back three times. Thank you universe, I've learned my lesson.



Sarah

[Hotfoot]

I can relate to this thread. About 3 years ago I was dating a girl who mainly live in Portugal, but often had to comute to England and we had a really good relationship for over a year. So one day we decide that it wa time for me to go to Portugal, so I fly over for 3 weeks. When I got there she was like a totally different person, and things started to go belly up. I should have realsed something was wrong when she didn't want to be alone with me, but I just thought it was because it was new to be together so much. Anyway, I get terrible food poisoning for over a week and suddenly she has vanished. There I am in the middle of no-where with her aged aunt taking care of me and her nowhere to be seen. Her family couldn't speak English so I never knew what they were talking about. The 3 week nightmare ended and as I was dumped at the airport she turned to me and said "By the way, I'm getting married in January." and just left. I was floored. I can honestly say I don't remember the flight home. I was very upset for a very long time.

[Ittybittykitty]

It's official. I'm an ass. I have probably just ended one of the best things to happen to me in a long time. I mean I really ended it. I didn't think I was going to, but I did. And that is life I suppose. I wish some of the lessons were easier to learn.

Shameless plug- Read my fic 7th Hellvan. It isn't half bad:)! "Innerbed".

Edited by: Ittybittykitty at: 10/21/02 5:38:22 pm

[Taz]

Due to my former get out while the gettings good attitude I've never been dumped.

I refuse to believe that this is all. ~~Xiren Everything

[Centauri2002]

I have a super 'being dumped' story but not tonight... I, unfortunately, do not have enough time. Remind me to tell you kittens tomorrow okay?



Caz

Tara: I got so lost
Willow: I found you... I will always find you

[saule77]

Quote:

---

Due to my former get out while the gettings good attitude I've never been dumped.

---

I can sooo relate to that!

Unfortunately, that means I've never let anyone close enough to experience true love either.



One way or another, there's a price to pay.

"You are Willow Rosenberg, vixen-y lighter of the flame and keeper of my heart.”

(Camp Flutie by Rane)

[Shiney and New]

Kinda feeling at home here...



There's this girl, she's great, we were great. But all the while I had this overwhelming urge that she was using me, cause I was her first girl and all, but it didn't really seem to matter to me cos it was all just so great.



But this stupid feeling just kept growing and growing and I just thought she was using me for some experience, for some lesbian story she could tell people. So I bought it up tonight and we had a majour row...



I don't know if she's coming back to me and I don't know if I want her to. But I do know that I love her. And I'm miserable.

~Nomi~

Though lovers be lost love shall not and death shall have no dominion

[willowy19]

Being dumped isn't really something I'm used to and I don't know if this is exactly a "dumped" story but I need to vent and here it goes. This summer I was surfing some Willow and Tara message boards and there was a singles forum about stuff and so I posted. This girl replied and we began to talk after a few days. We didn't talk alot at first because of the major time difference so it took awhile for us to create a pattern but eventually we had times we met on line. During the summer we got pretty close talking alot and then school came along so I went away to college. The whole time I was keeping in mind she was in a completely different country so nothing could pssobly happen right?

While I was at college she decided she wanted to hear my voice so I gave her my number and she called me. We both really liked each others accents and spent almost 5 hours I believe on the phone. We exchanged a few more phone calls and it just seemed we were clicking well. She'd spoken alot about coming to the states to visit during one of her vacations in October. It turned out that she wasn't going to be able to have a long vacation during that time but she could tell I was disappointed and flew over the next weekend. All my friends said she must've really been psycho or she really liked me coming to the states from another country. So my friends and I came with me to pick her up at the airport. She brought me a stuffed animal to bring a piece of her country with her. That night we brought her to the hotel and she found out she didn't have enough money to stay at the hotel all three nights. My roommate and I offered to have her spend the remaining time in our dorm. She accepted and we had a really good time while she was here. She slept on the floor in a sleeping bag I had which I continue to feel bad about to this day. I kept my hands to myself and didn't make a move because she seemed quiet and I didn't want to freak her about but she was really pretty. After she went back we continued to speak on the phone and on line.

Suddenly I began to date other people around campus because it didn't seem like it was possible that we were going anywhere. She spoke of coming and visiting again but nothing was set in stone. She spoke about how she'd never gone on a date and how she wanted to go on an official date so I told her that I'd take her on a date if she came back and she hadn't gone on a date. It seemed to me after this that she was looking for a date. She started to date and hang out with peopleso we weren't talking much. The next time we spoke after almost a week and a half she had a girlfriend. We don't speak much now and I miss our wonderful chats but I guess life goes on. I have someone now anyway who's a wonderful person but I still wonder if I'd done something or should've done something. I wish I knew but I don't *shrug* No regrets is my policy though so life continues in an upward motion. So my story isn't exactly "dumped" material but "forgotten" or "left in the dust" maybe? I empathize with you all though.

Peace.

[Winns]

Wow this is an interesting thread. I've been a lurker for some time (back in the novogate) but don't usually post, but after reading all the sad stories I'd like to share my own story.



My ex and I met at school and were friends for 2 years before we got together. She's a really pretty gal whom everyone tends to take a second take and for some reason she was attracted to me. I didn't go for it immediately coz I just got out of a relationship but fell in love with her soon after she told me about her feelings for me. Then for another 2 years the world was all flowers and butterflies and I thought I have found myself a soulmate (who is also majorly hot). She came to my house very often (as my friend, as I wasn't and still am not out to my family) and she got to know my elder brother when he came home at term breaks.



And so after being with me for two years she started secretly going out with my bro. I didn't even know until her friend hinted it to me out of sympathy. It hurt becoz she was the one who started the flirting, my bro didn't know I was gay and everytime he asked her to tell me they're seeing each other she'd make up some lame excuses. At first I wanted to just break up with her and not tell my bro about us. He'd be happier that way and he need not to feel guilty. But after some time I couldn't stand the pain and came out to my bro and told him about us.



By this time my bro was so in love with her that he couldn't cut it off. I didn't want to ask him to stop seeing her as I felt I didn't have the right to, but I couldn't help feeling betrayed by the two of them. I thought I have something more than just physical attraction with her but obviously my feelings weren't really her concern, and I felt that my bro had chosen her over me, like he could have saved me some pain and tears by not seeing her (being dumped is bad enough and hey here she is as ur bro's gal), but he didn't. I didn't speak to my bro for a year after that and we didn't reconcile until their relationship ended. When she left him a year later my bro apologized to me in tears, and I felt like she broke my heart all over again. I would have thought she hurting me was more "worth it" if they were "true love" and meant to be, but my bro ended up in the same place as I was. I hated her even more but I couldn't help missing her at times. She was my first serious long term gf and she ripped my heart out.



It has been 5 years and I've forgiven her for what she did. Now we talk to each other once in a year or so and sometimes we send each other online msgs. I wouldn't consider her as my friend but none the less she is special to me. I still can't understand why and how could she do such a thing to me but I've given up asking or thinking about it... maybe she realised she was straight or maybe it just happened. Sometimes I am glad it happened coz it brought me and my bro much closer together.



So... sounds like what u watch in soap opera right??

[pyc2star]

all right...i can beat you all (not like this was a contest..lol) with 2 of my exes...here we go...girl #1...i met this girl...(going to try and keep this simple) who i dated for several months...we traveled back and forth and back and forth...and 2 days after she left this last time..she gets REALLY distant..like..hella distant...so im like..whats up babe..she says...yeah..umm..we need to talk..this isnt working...im like..i dont understand...we are totally head over heels in love with each other...whats the deal...she then proceeds to tell me...

"Beth..there are 3 types of people in the world that you date...#1..the evil bitter ones who will never be of use to anyone...#2..the nice ones..who you might or might not connect with on a mental any physical level..and then...#3...Beth....you are the kindest...smartest...greatest..giving..blah blah blah...and i KNOW that you are going to meet someone perfect for you who is just as good as you..and when you meet her you wont have enough sense to dump me to be with her so we just cant see each other anymore...that bit....LOL...



girl #2....i was living here in CA and she lived in australia...i moved over there and was getting citizenship..well my paperwork got doofed and i had to come back here....and about 6 months after i leave i paid for "the bike" (i call her that because shes just like a rusty bike..all broken down..bent frame...flat wheels..you end up supporting her or carrying her everywhere you go...) to come to california...we were living together and she married to stay in the country...after she got married she got really hostile...and pulled further and further away...we had been together for 2 years by ths point...needless to say..i get a call at work (i was working 70 hour weeks just to pay for the paperwork and bills for us) saying..yeah Beth..we've packed up your stuff and put it on the porch..youre moving out TONIGHT...she jumped immigration...disappeared with him (whos gay...nothing happened there) and and as it turns out was using me for a green card for 2 years...she thought of the relationship as a "neccessity" for that to happen..so she slept around..and had relationships with other girls while still with me (without my knowledge) JUST for her green card while i was still loving her...i hate women...LOL....

"After one take, Joss did say, 'Can we have one that's less like you're going to sleep together in about five minutes?" - Alyson Hannigan

[Gatito Grande]

Thanks, pyc2star, for bumping this thread. IIRC, I tried posting to it many months ago and my computer died. (What does that say?)



I've posted on so many other thread about my ex-husband, aka "T", aka "Mr. Wonderful", aka "THAT RAT B*STARD!" that I won't say too much more here.



Except for one thing: approx. August 30, 2000, when he first said the word "divorce" to me. It was like all the air went out of the room. I could hear my own heartbeat, in that "I think I'm having a coronary" kind of way.



The one thing I remember saying to him, through my shock and , was "You're better than that." I mean, this guy was (and is) an ordained Baptist minister, for crying out loud (literally)! We were married in church! Y'know, w/ the families and the "this is my solemn vow" and "what God has joined together" and all that sh*t. (What, me bitter?)



It's been almost 3 years now, and I still can't get over that *moment* when my life so radically changed (even though he didn't finally walk out and file for another 6 months . . . ) There's just nothing that can prepare you for that. Not when you love someone, and your world is built around them.



Hang in there, dumped Kittens!



GG I *am* over him, but it's like a wound, a trauma, leaving a scar which will take a long time to fade . . . Out



Getting dumped really makes you appreciate diva-music. Damn! Thank God for Gloria Gaynors' "I Will Survive" and Cher's "Believe". Then, what was that punk song? Iggy Pop maybe, or? Y'know the one that goes "You've broken my heart, you've broke it apart, so F*ck You!" Even Frank Sinatra singing "Don't Worry 'Bout Me" or Connie Francis' "Who's Sorry Now?" All those songs *really* helped.

[Yelnif]

I don't know if this counts cos as I understand this whole lurrve thang (and be warned, that's not very well) you actually have to be going out first to be dumped.

But still, it's one hell of a rejection story.



So I had this friend. This friend who would hug me constantly and tell me I'm funny and cool. And get drunk with me and then lie with me on my bed with her arms around me. And sit across the room from me in school when I was playing the guitar and singing to a crowd of people, but never actually come over, just sit, and watch, and smile silently. And waste pound after pound of phone credit texting me for hours on end about nothing. And come to all the gigs that my band had and ask me to dedicate songs to her, like one called "I could die for you".



Basically, it wasn't too long (partially because of this behaviour and partially because she's the most painstakingly beautiful creature to ever walk the earth) before I fell for her, hook, line and sinker. The feeling wasn't mutual.



I got drunk last Christmas and told her everything at my party. She didn't say a lot; stood there stuttering for a while and then excused herself and left. The next day she ignored the whole thing. We remained friends and I remained dying silently every day because being around her was torture.



Come February, I had another P.A.R.T. -Y? 'Cos I'm stupid! At this one she stumbled upon a boy. A boy I've known and been best friends with since we were both 4. A boy who is so scarily like me one could argue that something twisted is going on there. She took a liking to him, and him being both human and alive and all, he didn't have much choice but to fall for her aswell.



Last Saturday I had yet another party (maybe that's where I'm going wrong, there's no trouble when I don't have them) amd she and him got their act together. What with the seething jealousy and all, I wasn't best pleased. I asked her if we could talk, she avoided me for most of the night, I pleaded, she agreed, I took her to my parents room and said dramatically, "Sarah, I love you," and she sighed, looked disinterested and mildly bored, and said "I know."



The "I love you" was supposed to be the start of an Oscar-winning speech which totally would have won her over, of course. But her reaction kind of put me off and I stopped mid-flow, and she took the opportunity to ask me if we could "just not do this right now?" It wasn't a question. She left me standing in the room looking about as stupid as I felt and went back to her boytoy. In the morning we went through the same skin deep denial of all knowledge routine, and she went home and I got drunk - again.



That's where we're at now. She's also mad at me because she "didn't ask for this". Newsflash, babydoll. Me neither. And I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but I gotta say from where I'm standing, she got the better deal out of this here situation.



Make of it what you will. I come here to moan.

Peace and Love. Yelnif. (I'm new, by the way.)

[Gatito Grande]

Hello, Yelnif, and welcome to the Kitten. You say you're new, as I can see by your post-counter, but boy does that name seem familiar. I bet I recognize you from another board, but I'm not sure which. (BC&S maybe?)



That's a good (good as in -breaking) story. In fact, it reminds me a little of the head-trips my first female crush, Gina, put me through.* Head-trips and heart-ache: not a good combination!



GG Natch' it's her loss. Hang in there! Out



* That trauma o' mine's over on the First Crush thread.

[Tibbs]

Here's my story



High school:



Freshman year: Me, in the closet, confused with feelings, and big homophobe, meets the hottest girl ever. Friendship ensues.



Sophmore year: Friendship going strong, still conflicted with feelings, friend comes out to me, confesses being in love with me, I flip because I don;t know what to think, friendship ends



Junior year: Conflicting emotions pass, I relize that I'm gay and in love with friend. Spend all year trying to convince friend to talk to me. Finally success, things work out friend and I are now together and I am happy for the first time in my life



Senior Year: Starts out awesome. We are together, happy, out at school ( Living in New York, being gay at in a city school wasn't a big thing, thank god) Twords end of year girlfriend relizes that now SHE isn't gay. Loves me but not in love with me. Dumps me over the phone 2 weeks before Prom and graduation. I am left alone with no date to the Prom. Graduation comes, I see her one last time before she goes away to school. She kisses me and thanks me for the expierence.





Now how much does THAT suck eh? But I thank her for making me actually think about why I was a Homophobe, and then comming to the conclusion that Yup I stare at girls alot more then guys, and in Willows words " Gay now"



Tibbs

[Yelnif]

Hey hey



If the name rings a bell then... hmm... well, I was never on the BC&S board. I did used to spend most of my waking moments in the Bronze, maybe that's it. Anyway, thanks for the welcome.



<- How cool is that?!? His head is rolling!! That has to be the best thing ever invented.



Peace and Love. Yelnif.

[Bubblecath]

Hey Yelnif!

I knew it! The Bronze! i thought your name looked Familiar and then it clicked! Ahh the Bronze! I remember you from the Bronze!

Welcome!! Here....Have a rolling Head!!!

Cath

xxx

Edited by: Bubblecath at: 5/15/03 3:16:02 pm

[Yelnif]

Hello!



Yeah, you probably met me back in the Bronze days. I used to be a pretty big cheese there. Like a Cheddar. Or possibly even Mozzerella.



LOL. Who ever invented the expression "big cheese"?? Crazy world we live in. I wasn't even that big a cheese there actually, but who would pass up the opportunity to mock such a ridiculous phrase?! Not me, evidently!



Thank you for the rolling head!! NOW look what I found!!



Peace and Love. Yelnif.

[Bubblecath]

Hey Yelnif!

Well i didnt actually 'meet' you as such! i was a big time lurker back then! but i remember reading your funny words!

i think we could call you a 'big cheese'- something like a cheddar i think- definately not a Stilton however.

yes i believe they call that a 'dancing banana' it takes alot of co-ordination to dance like that.

catherine

xxx

[fairydust]

Okay, well, I have a couple stories...they basically overlap. A year ago I met this chick on line....her name is Jenna. She's a charmer, and she had me hooked right away. But there was always a struggle for control....It runs in my blood, this whole pride/control thing. And it aparently runs in her blood too. But, being the dutiful girlfriend, I would always back down to her. This caused me to spend about $1000 on phone cards, and $2000 on a phone bill....*mutters evil things* When my parents got the phone bill, my mom freaked. I got home from work and she pushed me around a bit, hit me, blah blah blah. But I still had a phone card and called Jenna back and told her what was going on. She promised me that she would always be here for me, and would never leave I put all my faith in to that girl, cuz at the time I had nothing to live for. I needed her to keep me alive. In the end she almost killed me. In october of this year, she avoided me for 10 days and then talked to me and all of the sudden this "Allison" was mentioned. She didn't even ease me into the fact that she found someone else....just flat out said she was having a few problems with her girlfriend Allison...I asked her if she was serious, and she said yes. So I told her that she needed to break up with me first. And she said "I know, but it's okay, it's not like we really had anything anyway" I was so upset



So, I picked up the first chick here that I could. Angel, the hottie captain of the girls hockey cheerleading squad. This is where my next broken heart comes in. It wasn't even 2 weeks after the Jenna thing that I was getting set up with Angel by my friend Nick. With-in a week, we were totally all over eachother. And then, on what would be our last "date" she told me that she couldnt be with me. She still liked boys and didnt want to hurt me like that. She also said she didn't want to hurt me like Jenna did...it was too late for that.

We were sitting in her truck, and she told me that I was too sweet for her, and I needed someone who would give me what I needed. And she had gone to see her ex boyfriend that day, which she promised me she wouldn't do. I had called her in the afternoon and asked her what she was doing, and she flat out just said she was at his place ...but oh well. He had told her that he still loved her, and she told me she thought she might still be in love with him.....she was scared that she felt the way she did about me. Because she had never wanted a girl so badly. So, instead of seeing where it went, she went back to him...they are still on and off....

Anyway, throughout all that, I met Karen, my beautiful sweet Karen, who put up with all my shit, and still does....and if all goes well, I will never have a break up story with her 6 months and goin strong Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, after kare-bear and I had been together for quite a while, Jenna had the stupid idea to ask me back...you have no idea how fun it was to say no or how fun it was to read the conversations Jenna and Karen had *giggles*



aww baby, look...it's a baby! *pouts* I want

I LOVE MY KARE-BEAR

Edited by: fairydust  at: 5/16/03 11:03:16 pm

[beautifultrgdy]

Aha! I knew I could find something related to what I wanted here.



It has been more than a full year since this thread has been posted on, and I know that I am not the only girl who has gotten dumped in the last year. Here is my chance to tell my side of the story (stories in this case) and hope against hope that someone else out there will read this and send sympathies my way. Oh, and maybe others will post and my misery will have company.



My sad, sad Sob Story...





Which one do I start with? The head cheerleader, or the spiled brat? I'm going to start with the brat.



To start this story off, I'm going to add some explaination of how this 'relationship' came to be. I had lost my previous girlfriend to cancer, and the brat (Ally) was the comfort zone. She was the friend that held my hand and let me cry. It was sort of natural that she be my rebound girl.



Now, don't get me wrong and call me names for rebounding so soon. I didn't. It was a full year before anything happened between us.



Ally was privliged and came from old money. For her 17th birthday her daddy bought her a brand new H2 and a Celica. She always got her way and when she didn't she threw a fit. Kicking and screaming and all.



One day I had a doctor's appointment and couldn't rush over to her and do whatever it was she wanted. For a month after that we fought over little things. Then she decides one day out of the blue to tell me, "You know what? I'm straight!" She then LEAVES the country for Italy and doesn't come back for three months. How is that for a break up?





This one is better though. My best friend in the entire world- the girl I went to kindergarden with and was in Brownies with. We've been at each other's houses more than we have been at our own. She's always been there... Just kind of there. Until twon months ago, that is.



I started seeing her differently when she was out my house for a party during the summer. Tight, white bikinis will send anyone into a daze, right?



Anyway - to make a long TAWDRY story short... There was a fling. A fun, but hurtful fling. She kissed me in front of the whole school, at a pep-rally one day. That was interesting. Her being a head cheerleader and all. In the end, she didn't really care about the relationship.



All she wanted was to say she did it, or in this case, me. She told me as much the day she dumped my ass. 'It was fun, but let's face it. I don't love you like that.'



Ouch. Burn.



And that was the end of Ashton.



My question to my fellow Kittens... Why do we allow ourselves to be hurt again and again... And is it worth it to try and date again?





Thanks for your time, and your sympathies (if any) and I hope I am not the only heart broken kitten out there. (selfish, I know... but I'm blonde and an only child. What can you do?)

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[frau rosenclay]

Jessica,



I think you should definantly not lose hope. It is best to keep going,you will find someone eventually who treats you the way you would like to be treated.



It is important to love with an open heart. I understand about wanting to stay away from dating for a while though.



I had a rough break up this spring with a woman who turned out to be a totally different person than she originally presented herself to be. Time does heal wounds, as well as forgiving yourself for getting into such situations.



Don't be too hard on yourself, goodluck in the love department.



frau

[fakhra]

Hi there people.



The reason I'm here is that after 14 years, I finally think I know who I am. I am in love with a woman but she is not in love with me but it doesn't matter, I still love her very much. And we're good friends able to talk about stuff.



So, practically, I don't have what you may call a 'girlfriend' but it's never too late to hope



I recently saw the last episodes of Buffy's season 6. I think it was over-whelmingly painful. Two lovers finally find themselves together, and then, a bullet in Tara's heart leaving Willow stained with her blood. Cannot imagine a greater tragedy. It is an irony.



I don't know how warm a welcome I would get here especially when I reside in a country like Pakistan. There you go, meet your Paki feminist/lesbian



How are you?

[funkyasian]

fakhra -



welcome to the board if other people haven't already welcomed you.



anyway, about you being a paki feminist/lesbian...good news, you're not alone...no, it's not me...sorry to disappoint. however, i dated one! though that part of my history is a bit painful and quite honestly a little over-melodramatic now that i'm thinking back on it. She went through some...changes shall we say and i went from an experiment to a full-time waiting-on-her-hand-and-foot girlfriend. in any case...after much turmoil, she realizes she's gay, but can't come out, so she denies the whole thing. so, you're definitely a step ahead of her...at least you can be honest with yourself, even if you can't be honest with the rest of your peers.



on another note, pakistan is a beautiful country, and despite the religious differences, it's good to just step back and admire a culture so different from your own and so steeped in tradition and history. not to mention the absolutely amazing food...



so welcome once again, and you're right, it's never too late to hope. if you can have her as a friend, it's better than not having her at all...though you may want to start extricating yourself from the whole emotional aspect...saves on the pain later...trust me, been there...done that...

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde

[fakhra]

funkyasian,



Thanks for the warm welcome, and the tip I am looking at it this way, no hope, no fear, just live the truth



That way, the melodrama, the rush, spur of the moment, whatever you wanna call it can be avoided. After all, these things do make life a bit complicated and eventually lead to hurting yourself. When it's over, you realize, wow, what a rush! It's just a phase, and love I believe is not that.



What do you think?

[xita]

I think sometimes ending relationships is very hard. I had the displeasure of being the dumper in a 13 year relationship. It was very difficult to end, in spite of it being very unhealthy for a very long time. I had many reasons to leave that relationship years prior to when I actually did it.

I think it's difficult when you are good friends because things aren't clear cut. I didn't hate her, or not care for her anymore. I just knew we couldn't be in a romantic relationship anymore. I wanted more. So, it took sometime for it to feel like we weren't together, because we still hung out a lot. It wasn't till I started dating other people that it really became true. And as I embarked on a serious relationship, 2 years after the breakup, I found it best to leave the friendship behind for a while as well. Many reasons for that.

Even though, I had good reasons to leave, I always felt like the bad guy, and I still do. Even though I know she's also moved on emotionally onto other people.

[watty]

Thanks xita for resurrecting this thread.

My relationship is in a mess. We've been drifting apart for a year or more. We have no common interests, hardly see each other and of course intimacy left the building a long time ago. It's slipped downhill very quickly recently, ever since she got so involved with church activities. I'm a religious person too, but I can't get to her level of almost fanatical belief and involvement. It's driven a big wedge between us. I don't think religion itself is the only issue; it could have been her getting involved with a political party or taking up mountaineering.

Despite this, we are good friends. We have a long history, we vacation together and our lives are pretty tied up. Which is why I'm finding it difficult to think about what I want and what I should be doing. We should talk about it, but I don't know how to start. In the meantime we're pretending that things are status quo when it so obviously isn't. I think subconsciously I'm waiting for "something" to push me into taking the plunge and leaving the relationship part of our ... relationship.

I guess it's just as hard, the "dumping someone" process; as the "being dumped" feeling. I don't want to hurt anyone, but perhaps when relationships have run their course, it's more painful if we're not doing something about it?
[br]

[LtSticks]

I've had two gfs, the first was my first ever lover, and was an emotionally abusive *bleep*, and ironically she was the one to dump me, for being too nice, she dumped me by text :(

Then I dated someone earlier this year for about 2 months, and she dumped me by email.

I think there's a sad sad pattern forming :(

[bytrsuite]

I got dumped once. It was pretty lame. We'd met online, of course, and started as friends and moved on from there. It was long distance for about six months or so, we eventually spent about eight weeks total in each other's physical company. We were back in our separate cities and she told me she needed some time to think or something like that (it was her freshman year of college). So she told me we should not talk at all for a month. I said okay, because, well, I don't remember, it was a long time ago, but I didn't talk to her for a month. After a month, I got in contact with her again and she told me she hadn't even noticed it'd been that long and she just didn't seem interested in talking to me at all. And that was that, we just never spoke (or emailed or IMed) again. Lame. I'm sure I was heartbroken for quite a while, but now it feels like it was another lifetime ago, which it probably was. Heh.

[Gatito Grande]

One the reasons I'm so in favor of same-sex marriage (beyond pure reasons of equality ), is that marital vows (e.g. these ones) make it so clear who is the Dumper, and who is the Dumpee.

I mean, when my ex-husband left (and filed for divorce from) me, there just wasn't any doubt: He, Dumper; Me, Dumpee.

But without those vows, how can you be sure?

For example, a couple of years ago, I struck up an online relationship, via an online personals ad [NB: she lived close enough to me, for the prospect of it (fairly) easily becoming an IRL relationship, too!]. Initially, I was very enthused about this relationship: she "looked great on paper!" (Well, digital paper, that is )

...but it only took the exchange of about a half dozen or so emails, for me to tell she was ALL WRONG for me. Not wanting to drag it out, I (politely?) told her that, while I'm sure she was a nice person, she just wasn't an appropriate person for me to be in a romantic relationship with---and ergo, "have a nice life" (words to that effect).

And I recall she sent me back one more email, w/ a sad face on it

Now, did I "dump" her?

I don't think I did---we'd only been communicating around a couple of weeks.

But just how do you tell?

If you're on the receiving end, how do you know whether you're making an unfair moral judgment? (Or if you're on the "I don't think this is working out" end, how do you know, either?)

GG Ah, Matters of the Heart: did ANYONE ever understand them less, than I do? {sigh} Out

[notl33t]

Yup, you totally dumped her, but sometimes that's what happens. It happens more often than you think. And if you are the person doing the dumping and you think you made a mistake, go with your gut -- you might have a conscience, but you know what works for you when it comes to dating.

Its the prerogative of the person who is disinterested to let the interested person know.

Take my high school boyfriend Wayne. We were very much in love and had talked about being together for a long time. He had said marriage more than once. Then we both headed to college in different states, promised to write, et cetera. Well, we start writing, emailing, but four months later, the well goes dry. In fact, he had been very, very close to my school one day, but neglected to call me. Oh, Wayne, why didn't you let me know?

I'm not interested. <---- this is probably the line he should have used, instead of letting me hope for a reunion with him.

I'd rather be dumped than dangled. I was dangled by this girl for two years -- two long, horrible years -- before she told me she didn't love me! The nerve of those, those danglers! I hate danglers! Hate hate hate. They're hard to get rid of, because they are mostly never around. Damn them.