African billionaire shares $ w/ me! Wknd 12/13-14 MKF

[justin]

I've just received an email warning about "The worst virus ever". It goes on to say that it is about a virus attached to emails with the subject "A virtual card for you."



A quick check of google has confirmed that this is a hoax. There is no such virus.



My adivce is, if you ever receive an email like this then please check google before forwarding the mail to everyone on your contact list. Looking at the message I got I'd say a few hundred people have received it.



Hoax viruses cause as much harm as the real thing becuase of the panic they cause, so don't be too quick to forward any warnings.

There's more than one way to do it. - The Perl mantra

[maudmac]

I'm resurrecting this thread because I keep getting the most amusing spam!



For instance:

Quote:

---

My lozenge is a full earthy grass pills

comprising a variety of herbs known for boosting sexual

craving with discharge. By exploitation our lozenge you

should undergo an increase in sexual craving, a betterment

in your volume and discharge, likewise as increased energy

and joy during sexual action.

---

Quote:

---

Our lozenges are just equal regular pills but they

are especially developed to be soft and soluble

below the glossa. The pills is absorbed at the oral cavity

and goes in the fluid straightaway instead of rising

through the breadbasket. This results in a faster much more

potent consequence which still up to 38 hours!

---

Quote:

---

My pharmaceuticals is used to heal cavernous failure,

too identified as an inability to copulate. This is when a someone can't gain, or retain,

a rocklike erect penis suitable for sexual activity.



This tablets is :

# suitable to be used as a discharge foil

# has some advantages over another remedy

# can last for 4 days

# can erect up in the organic structure

---

Nice to be able to get a laugh out of spam.

---

rain ain't gonna hurt me

[urnofosiris]

Those have got to be a joke. They sound so disgusting that no one should even be tempted to fall for it. Discharge is usually a reason to go to the doctor, it is not something to strife for. Ew.

[maudmac]

They read like those automatic internet translations that can't quite get it right, you know?



I was just trying to read something in Spanish and I got lazy and my dictionary is falling apart, so I let Google give it a shot. It took me a minute to figure out who "Suzanne Fertile valley" was. Suzanne Vega will be Suzanne Fertile Valley to me forever now.

---

rain ain't gonna hurt me

[urnofosiris]

Poor Suzanne



I was thinking the same thing, it must be some automatic translation, very amusing. Didn´t we have a thread about that somewhere? If not maybe we should start one and see what we can come up with.

Edited by: DrG at: 10/29/04 1:44 am

[justin]

This is an email I just got.

Quote:

---

You are about to become an ordained minister



As a Reverend, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the

church



Perform Weddings, Funerals, Perform Baptisms, Forgiveness of Sins

Visit Correctional Facilities



Want to open a church? Check out Ministry in a Box



Press this link to order and learn more

---

So I'm thinking I'm going to open a church of Willow and Tara. Who wants to join it?



Is it just me or are these scams getting pretty obscure?

--

"There are some days that you just can't get rid of a bomb" - Batman: The Movie

[Jinx]

I just got an e-mail similar to the African Prince one, but instead it was from this missionary in Africa who had come into a lot of money and wanted to give it to "a brother or sister in Christ" who would spend the money in a Godly way. Would I just send them my bank account info? Okay, first of all, I'm sixteen and have no bank account, secondly, it makes me absolutely sick that someone would use religion to try and make money off an unsuspecting person. It was just sad.

[xita]

I'll join that church Justin!



You guys are making me read my junk mail! Look at this one I got, i could have a job!!



Good day, my name is Evaldas Vytautas.



I'm Sales Manager of Lionder Web Design Agency.

We are situated in Vilnius, Lithuania.



Lionder Web Design Agency is pleased to offer you the position of Exchange Manager for our organization. We are excited about the potential that you bring to our company.



We work with corporate clients and some of them prefer to do wire transfers, however we cannot receive international wire transfers because of heavy taxes. Tax for international wire transfer is 25% In Lithuania. There is no sense for us to work in such a way, however we don't want to lose our clients. You need to have Paypal/bank account. System is completely automated. You will work only 1-2 hours a day, receive, process payments

from our clients through your Paypal/bank account. Report about all new payments, act only within the limits of law - earn minimum $1500-$2000 per month.



Your salary will be 5-15% from every processed amount (you begin from 5%).



To join the minimum requirements include :



-MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS (Skills, Knowledge, Ability, etc.)

-The minimum qualifications are high school diploma or equivalent.

-Must be able to multi-task and have good communication skills.

-Knowledge of MS Word and other basic computer programs.

-This being a new field there is NO experience needed.







Regards,



Evaldas Vytautas

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Trust is a risk masquerading as a promise."

[urnofosiris]

No I will not do it, I will not start reading my spam dammit. It is tempting though, it might be fun to reply with something equally ridiculous and see what happens.

[maudmac]

I am a committed spam-reader now. These are just too much fun to pass up!

Quote:

---

Subject: Savor the lifetime with Soul Growth Internal Secretion



After the 21 years, our trunk slowly desists carries out

a significant internal secretion known as Soul Increment Hormone.

The decrease of it, which controls grades of another internal secretions

in the body is directly answerable for many of the most

general tokens of eld, for example crinkles, gray hair,

dwindled energy, and weakened sexual role.



Read further intelligence

---

Quote:

---

Subject: Do you want to experience good future f =?utf-8?q?orenoon ??=



Our late sight shows that it requires usual of only 1.1

boozings to cause a hang-over. But my tablets

services you eschew hangovers and wake up sensitive great from head

to stomach and everywhere additional.



Click to buy

---

Quote:

---

Subject: Virgin enlarge your member solution!



The modern view displays that 84 % of ladies are unsatisfied

with their sexual spouses. assuredly big part of these girls

would never convey their colleague that they are unfortunate.



Adjust the trouble

---

Quote:

---

Subject: All medication at 0.72Euro per portion



Have you ever ponder how much an ordinary fellow

pays for his drugs? Pain pills, narcotics to ameliorate the

class of real life, mass bring down medicine, and many more.

I transport you the same medicine, the vegetative version -- the equivalent

quality, the equal formula at a very wise cost.



check it

---

Quote:

---

Subject: Modern road for decrease weight!



My lozenge is a modern grease-bandage appendix which

removes grease from a board you consume! Formulated with

the vigorous fat-sticking fibre, the alloy

of all-natural constituents...



Test it

---

I love these! They are like presents in my inbox.

---

make some room now dig what you see

[justin]

For some reason I'm getting lot's of emails about rolex watches (both real and immitation), what's up with that?

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

[Warduke]

Quote:

---

For some reason I'm getting lot's of emails about rolex watches (both real and immitation), what's up with that?

---

Me too

---

Firefox: One Browser To Rule Them All.

[justin]

At the moment most of the spam I'm getting is one of



Rolex watches

Cheap medication

mortgages



What happened to all the ones offering videos of Paris Hilton and/or Janet Jackson?

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

[littlecrazy80]

This one I received today.

Quote:

---

Dear Friend,



Please excuse me for any inconvience caused by this message.



My name is Valentin. I'm a student and I live with my mother in the city of Kaluga, Russia. My mother is invalid. She cannot see and she receives pension from the government very rare which is not enough even for medications.



I work very hard every day to be able to take care of my mother, but my salary is very small, because my studies still not finished.



Due to the crisis our authorities recently stoped gas in our district and now we cannot heat our home. I don't know what to do, because the winter is coming and the temperature in the street can be lower than minus 20 degrees Celsius. I'm very afraid that the temperature inside our home can be very cold and we will not be able to survive.



Thanks to the free internet access at our local library I was able to find several e-mail addresses, including yours, while browsing different websites and I decided to appeal to you with a prayer in my heart for a small help.



If you have any old electric heater, warm clothes, high-calories food, vitamins, medicines from cold weather, any hygiene-products, I will be very grateful to you if you could send it to our postal address which is:



Valentin Mihaylin,

Ryleeva Ulitsa, 6-45.

Kaluga. 248030,

Russia.



If you think that it would be better or easier for you to help with some money, please write me back and I will give you details for sending it safely if you agree. This way to help is very good because the necessities here are not very expensive.



I hope to hear from you very soon and I pray that you will be able to help us to survive this winter. I also hope very much that this hard situation will get better very soon in our country.



I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2005. I'm sending to you many thanks in advance for your kind understanding. Please excuse me, once more, for any inconvience I could cause you by sending this message.



Valentin and my mother Elena.

Kaluga. Russia.

---

I love the emails I get for Viagra.



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



SweetAmber ~~~ AmberBoard ~~~ Sam´s melody

[urnofosiris]

You should tell that Valentin to stop reading Dickens. It is clearly messing with his mind.

[maudmac]

Resurrecting this thread because I have been getting spams with hilarious fake names in the sender line. I don't read them, but I think they're for drugs.

Obviously, these are just randomly chosen words to try to get it through spam filters, but some of the combinations are downright poetic.

These are a few I've gotten in the last couple days:

Jokes A. Declined
Crescendo F. Pharmacies
Workhouses L. Defoliating
Whiffed A. South
Churchill L. Shopped
Eraser J. Maureen
Morale H. Deprecates
Meticulous I. Referendum
Trey G. Stickler
Tarzan K. Locomotive

[Artemis]

I got an incredible one this morning: Evisceration D. Undemonstrative. It's almost worth it getting through the filter, just for the amusement value. Evisceration!

(Mind you, it's only a matter of time until some celebrity decides they like the sound of it and gives it to their latest offspring...)

[maudmac]

LOL, Chris, undemonstrative evisceration. (You'd think evisceration would tend to be fairly demonstrative.) I bet there's a band out there right now naming itself Undemonstrative Evisceration.

I got a few more good ones:

Malady T. Monotonously
Enmity H. Renaissance
Josiah J. Confusedly
Philanders O. Repainted
Reheat R. Endangering
Lilly V. Muddiness
Sedan E. Immorality
Raviolis T. Beaver
Sweated B. Inflammations

Beaver Raviolis prepares for the Battle of the Bands against Undemonstrative Evisceration.

[Candleshoe]

I had an email today from "Survive". how apt! The subject line was rather poetic too, I thought:

Greek Thinkers? Meanings: secular

No idea what the content was, obviously, but it made me wonder....were the greek philosophies secular, or religious ? Hmmm....

[maudmac]

Ah, now you've got me paying attention to the subject lines, too. There is poetry in there!

Outfitting A. Bonnet, Kneels P. Cripples, Drag E. Allergy, and Dewdrop I. Accumulating are still writing me about the best pharmacy, of course.

But I got another one with an intriguing subject: "Better Future, wheat plant louse - ahead. And then the real work would begin. persistently! So desperately! He trembled and had …"

Poetic, no?

Mmm, wheat plant louse. I almost actually clicked on that one to see what it was he had after all that persistence, desperation, and trembling.