by Naeryn » Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:21 am
To my beautiful ex girlfriend;
I'm sorry. I know how deeply I hurt you, and I wish, so much, that I could take it back. I know that the lessons I've learned and the experiences I've had since you and I have helped to shape me, to turn me into the person that I am, and I like myself - finally, I like who I am. But I wish you didn't have to get hurt. I wish we could talk again, that I could have the opportunity to show you how much you meant - how much you mean to me.
Last night, I had a dream about you. It wasn't dirty, or even particularly special or interesting. I barely remember it. I do, however, remember lying down in bed with you, and feeling you move close and wrap your arms around me. How I long for that sensation.
Sometimes I think you must know. That you must feel it, somehow, because my feelings are just that strong. Other times, I dismiss the notion entirely - we haven't spoken in years; how could you know what I'm thinking, what I want to say to you?
I am coming for you. Not today, not next week, not even next year, but as soon as I can, I am coming for you. To see you. You promised me, years ago, that if I came, you would see me. You would talk to me. I need that, even if I never get anything more from you in my life. I need to tell you that you are beautiful, that you deserve every happiness, instead of the pain that I know you still inflict on yourself. And perhaps you will know that I still carry a torch for you. I won't tell you - but I never could hide anything from you. Even though nothing will come of it, perhaps then, you will know that you are loved; that you are lovable.
Some part of you will always be part of me. You will never know how you saved me from myself, but I will always love you for it. I hope you find happiness somewhere.
Yours,
Naeryn.
Don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides - Garth Brooks, "the River"