Things that make you go hmmm? The general humor thread.

[Tempest Duer]

Well, we all know you have good taste...

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

[justin]

This might be a case of small things pleasing small minds but those of you who use firefix might want to look at the firesomething extension here



It performs the useful job of renaming your browser everytime you run it. At the moment I'm using Mozilla webworm



See what I mean by small things?

"To mess up a Linux box you need to work at it; to mess up a Windows box you just need to work on it."

[Tempest Duer]

That is really funny. I wish I wasn't using Explorer! I hate Explorer!

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.



~Eminem

[Krazy Dreamer]

I don’t know if this is so much funny as it is a cute story, but I don’t know where else to put it. Besides, I found it incredibly funny. My five year-old nephew who lives in a different state had a birthday last month. And yesterday, I received a cryptic email from my mom saying that he wanted to thank me for the frog I had sent him for his birthday. I was really puzzled, because I had sent him some money, and had gotten a card back from him (well from my sister, but he signed it) thanking me for the money, and telling me what he had bought with it, and it didn’t say anything about a frog. So I talked to my mom on the phone last night, and apparently my sister has been having trouble with her phone line, so I was unable to talk to her or my nephew, but my mom told me that when my nephew had first received the money I had sent him, my sister told him that he could use it to buy anything he wanted. He immediately said at that time, “I’m rich! I’m rich!” and then, “I want to get a frog.” So my sister didn’t think too much about that until a couple of days ago when he found a large toad in the garden outside. Apparently, he ran in the house all excited and exclaimed to my sister, “Aunt K. sent me a frog!” My sister was confused, but he was adamant. He took her outside and showed her the toad, and kept saying, “Aunt K. sent me a frog! Aunt K. sent me a frog from Texas!” It is so cute and so funny, because he honestly believes that I sent him that frog. Apparently I have magical powers now. I couldn’t stop laughing, but at the same time feel very touched that he has so much confidence in me.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[skittles]

That's cool... and you are magic!!

skittles



"You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here." Desiderata, Max Erhmann

[Jennpurr]

Hee... that's very cute, Miss Krazy.



But, if it was a frog from here, Texas, it would have had to have been a tree frog! I love those little guys.



I don't see toads very much.



Jen

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Phoebe: Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting demons. ~ Charmed: Season 2, "P3 H20"
Quia ego cognosco cogitationes meas, quas ego cogito super vos, dicit Jehova, cogitationes pacis, et non in malum; ut dem vobis finem et expectationem. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

[mollyig]

Hi justin, I'm having fun with the mozilla renaming extension too. At the moment it's Mozilla Superbunny - don't think Anya would like that!

---

Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua

[cattwoman98111]

Justin, I as well am having a great time with it. I went in and added a bunch of my own names as well. Currently it is "Shiznit Waterdonkey"





To much fun, sure makes the headache I had not being able to get my old extentions to work a whole lot better.

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

[SySnootles]

I can’t recall if this has been brought up before in this thread or not, so I’m being lazy and posting it without looking. I was cleaning out my e-mail box when I found it…



The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain

Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants," by Dav Pilkey:





The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...



Use the first letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:

> > a = stinky

> > b = lumpy

> > c = buttercup

> > d = gidget

> > e = crusty

> > f = greasy

> > g = fluffy

> > h = cheeseball

> > i = chim-chim

> > j = poopsie

> > k = flunky

> > l = booger

> > m = pinky

> > n = zippy

> > o = goober

> > p = doofus

> > q = slimy

> > r = loopy

> > s = snotty

> > t = falafel

> > u = dorkey

> > v = squeezit

> > w = oprah

> > x = skipper

> > y = dinky

> > z = zsa-zsa



> > Use the first letter of your last name to determine the first half of

> > your NEW last name:



> > a = diaper

> > b = toilet

> > c = giggle

> > d = bubble

> > e = girdle

> > f = barf

> > g = lizard

> > h = waffle

> > i = cootie

> > j = monkey

> > k = potty

> > l = liver

> > m = banana

> > n = rhino

> > o = burger

> > p = hamster

> > q = toad

> > r = gizzard

> > s = pizza

> > t = gerbil

> > u = chicken

> > v = pickle

> > w = chuckle

> > x = tofu

> > y = gorilla

> > z = stinker



> > Use the last letter of your last name to determine the second half of

> > your NEW last name:



> > a = head

> > b = mouth

> > c = face

> > d = nose

> > e = tush

> > f = breath

> > g = pants

> > h = shorts

> > i = lips

> > j = honker

> > k = butt

> > l = brain

> > m = tushie

> > n = chunks

> > o = hiney

> > p = biscuits

> > q = toes

> > r = buns

> > s = fanny

> > t = sniffer

> > u = sprinkles

> > v = kisser

> > w = squirt

> > x =humperdinck

> > y = brains

> > z = juice



Thus, for example, George Bush's new name is Fluffy Toiletshorts.

John Kerry would be Poopsie Pottybrains.

Alyson Hannigan is Stinky Wafflechunks.

Amber Benson is Stinky Toiletchunks (wow… that one is bad).

Willow Rosenberg is Oprah Gizzardpants.

Tara McLay is Falafel Bananabrains.



For the record, I'm Buttercup Pizzahiney.

Catie



When I'm 130 years old, I want a pill that makes me so happy and so unself-conscious and so randy I'm willing to make love to my fuzzy bed slippers on my front lawn and yodel at the same time. -- Scott Adams from Dilbert and the way of the Weasel

[Jennpurr]

Poopsie Monkeychunks??







That's hillarious!!!



Jen



ETA:

Quote:

---

Willow Rosenberg is Oprah Gizzardpants

---

OMG!!!!



*Falls off my chair, rolling on the floor*



That's so funny!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Phoebe: Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting demons. ~ Charmed: Season 2, "P3 H20"
Quia ego cognosco cogitationes meas, quas ego cogito super vos, dicit Jehova, cogitationes pacis, et non in malum; ut dem vobis finem et expectationem. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Edited by: Jennpurr at: 6/17/04 8:45 pm

[girlfriends actually]

I'm fluffy gizzardfanny.

[BFR from Paris]

Hi, I'm Buttercup Barftush!!



(this reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe changes her name )

[tkheaven]

Flunky Gizzard Head? sheesh.. there's another similar to this where my new name was Tootie Cootie Tush... lol



Now for a really interesting eBay story: Phish Concert Tickets



You have to read the whole story...





Edit to add the story in the case eBay clears it out:



My son's 2 Phish Tickets Tweeter Mansfield 8/11 sec.11

My idiot son wrecked my car, now I'm sellin his tickets         Item number: 2250747916

Bidding has ended for this item

The seller ended this listing early because the item is no longer available for sale.

       

Starting bid:         US $100.00

Ended:         Jun-17-04 10:52:00 PDT

Start time:        Jun-13-04 10:17:56 PDT

History:        0 bids

Price:        US $300.00





Item location:         concord, nh

United States /Boston



Ships to:         United States, Canada

Shipping and payment details       

Seller information

alberici (25)

Feedback Score: 25

Positive Feedback: 100%

Member since May-13-99 in United States

Read feedback comments



View seller's other items

Safe Buying Tips

Description         (revised)

Item Specifics - Tickets

Event Type:         Concerts         Number of Tickets:         2

Rock/Pop/Alternative         Section:         11

Venue State/Province:         Massachusetts         Row:         x

Venue City:         Mansfield         Month:         Aug

Venue Name:         Tweeter Center         Day:         11

Venue Map:         Click to View Map         Year:         2004

This is an auction for two tickets to see the group Phish on August 11, 2004 at the Tweeter Center in Mansfield Massachusetts. These tickets were originally purchased for my son…but since he is a complete idiot, incapable of the responsibilities involved with actually going to this show, I (his father) am selling his tickets to the highest bidder out of pure spite…and to try to recoup some of the money he now owes me.



First off…the son-in-question is a decent kid. He is 17. No real problems just the regular stuff kids do. Overall I’ve been happy with him. When he approached me a while ago about going to see Phish in Massachusetts my wife and I thought he would be able to handle the trip to MA (we live in NH) and the show. I have been a Phish fan for years and went to many shows a decade ago. Anyway son-in-question borrows my credit card to buy 2 tickets online and agrees to pay me back.



Fast-forward a few weeks to the end of the school year. Son-in-question is making plans to attend the prom with his girlfriend. Again he’s a good kid so my wife and I spring for the typical prom stuff under the assumption that he will pay us back from the first few paychecks he receives from the summer job he just got at Home Depot. We drop about $300 on the credit card for his prom tickets, flowers and of course the rental tux. Then a few days before the actual prom he asks to borrow my car.



Now I happen to have a very nice 1969 Ford Torino Convertible. I’ve had it for a few years and I am gradually fixing it up. I really love this car and I really love my son too…so when son-in-question asks to borrow this car to go to the prom in it I agree, so I sit him down and explain THE RULES of which I expect him to abide by in my car. No speeding, no DRINKING, and no one else goes with you in the car. His head goes off a-nodding like he understands and promises me that he, his date, and my car are all in safe hands. So a few days later I hand him the keys and off he goes to the prom.



A few hours later the police call. Son-in-question has had an accident with my car and I need to come and get him at the station. Son-in-question is now son-of-a-bitch!! The nice policeman explains to me that the car and my son-of-a-bitch and his date were found on a backwoods road smashed into a tree. Son-of-a-bitch is OK, but the police think he’s slurring his words so they give him a breathalyzer and he blows a .11. His date is drunk too. They find empty beer cans hidden in the woods. They never made it to the prom. He claims that the alcohol didn’t have anything to do with the accident…that a deer jumped out in front of him and he swerved. To which I answer “What were you doing out in the woods anyway? Weren’t you supposed to be at the prom?” Of course I know the answer to that question…hopefully we won’t be dealing with that situation in 9 months.



So I’m pissed. I bail him out and go look at my car. It’s still drive-able but it needs a new quarter panel, a big dent removed from the bumper, some trim parts, and a bunch of labor. The estimates are around $1800 to fix it.



Son-of-a-bitch goes to court a couple weeks later, (with the lawyer which I provide for him) and loses his license for a year. He will also be losing that job at Home Depot because it’s a 45 minute drive each way and I’m not driving him. So as a result of my son’s stupidity I’m stuck with the following bill



1 tux $125



two prom tix $75



flowers $35



bail $65



towing and impound fees- $150



Lawyer $300



Fines$500



Insurance rate hike-yet to be determined



Auto repair bill- about $1800





GRAND TOTAL for his stupidity-$3050





There is absolutely NO WAY my son is going to go to this concert.. He needs to learn a lesson so I’m selling his tickets. He bought the tix with my credit card and never paid me back so they rightfully belong to me. Hopefully soon they will belong to YOU. I have them right here in my hand and I will send them ASAP to the highest bidder.



The seats are side by side in reserved section 11 row X. Highest bidder agrees to add $8 for shipping. Paypal, money orders or bank check. NO personal checks.



This is a legitimate auction for these tickets!!!! If you are the highest bidder you get to see Phish …instead of my son. I have perfect 100% feedback and want to keep it that way. Email me any questions



------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Jun-16-04 at 13:31:46 PDT, seller added the following information:





OK this auction is really taking off so I just want everybody to PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING THINGS. First---THIS IS A REAL AUCTION FOR REAL TICKETS!! Please remember that if you place a bid on these tix I expect that you will pay for them. There have been several retractions and bidders with 0 or even negative feedback. I will send you an invoice for them and I 100% guarantee that you will get them. Please don't bid as a gag..it only runs up the price on SERIOUS BIDDERS.



Second---I am being overloaded with your email. I tried to respond to the first wave but I can't keep up any longer. I appreciate your support , and your displeasure too, but I can't respond any longer unless you have questions about the tix themselves.



------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Jun-16-04 at 16:41:23 PDT, seller added the following information:





OK everybody I am revising this auction one more time. PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU INTEND TO BID ON THESE TICKETS!



I have been watching this auction growing bigger by the minute. I have also been reading all the hundreds of emails that have been coming in. Many people have made suggestions to me about how this auction is working and I have realized the following things.



First- by selling these tickets I am really only entitled to the cost of their face value and the associated fees attached. To sell them for anything above face value is not fair to the artists…. PHISH…whom I respect more than any other band.



Second--- by calling my son a son-of-a-bitch I inadvertently called my wife a bitch. I did not intend to do this…I did not mean it literally…just as a figure of speech ….however many people were upset about it. I apologize to you and to my wife.



I in my anger have done wrong and admit it…and I need to make it right. So as of right now (5/16 7:30PM)this auction is going to be a benefit for 2 important charities.



When this auction ends, and the high bidder pays me, I am going to take only the face value of the tix, their shipping costs, and ebay fees for myself. Any funds above that will be donated to the following charities.



Half of the profits will be given to the Mockingbird Foundation. The Mockingbird Foundation is a non-profit organization of Phish fans, founded in 1997 to generate charitable proceeds from the Phish community. All Foundation revenues support music education for children. For more info go to http://www.mockingbirdfoundation.org



The other half of the profits will be donated to MADD, (mothers against drunk driving) out of respect to my wife. For more info visit http://www.madd.org





If you are one of the 9 people who have already bid and do not like this arrangement (for whatever reason) please withdraw your bid. I will not leave you a bad feedback.



I hope everyone reading this will agree that this is the right thing to do. Maybe we can turn two bad decisions by a son and his father into something positive.

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

Edited by: tkheaven  at: 6/19/04 7:50 am

[Tempest Duer]

Lumpy Gigglechunks. Thanks a lot, Dav Pilkey.

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.



~Eminem

[willowtaracrazydude]

hi everyone! my name is GOOBER LIZARDHEAD!

[cattwoman98111]

Poopsie Diaperfanny





huh. Interesting



---

licky = Booger scrappy = Snotty. what a pair we are

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

[skittles]

Snotty Pottychunks



EEEWWWW!!!

skittles



"You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here." Desiderata, Max Erhmann

[littlecrazy80]

Hey! I´m Loopy Pottytush!



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



SweetAmber ~~~ Amber Board

[urnofosiris]

TK, that cracked me up. Too bad he added those other commentaries, that makes it a bit more serious.

[Tempest Duer]

What a great story. Poor guy... and to be honest, poor kid as well, to be so fucking stupid.

It's insulting to the whole gender[sic] of rap.



~Eminem

[LunaMuses]

booger bananachunks. ew.

"No, my friend. We are lunatics...psycho-ceramics, the cracked pots of mankind..."
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

[Alexandra4sm]

tht ebay thing is well funny, there must be many more things like tht on iebay as its a huge site. i will go searching now

[tkheaven]

I was cracking when I read that...but alas, it's not enough.. Here's another emailed to me by that same friend. Now THIS shit is funny. Hold on to your pants, ladies... LOL

---

My Pussy's On Fire



The story of a woman and her diseased cunt

by Athena Douris Published December 2, 1999 in Whoa!





There was a time -- between 1994 and 1996 -- when I grew yeast in my cunt so often I seriously contemplated baking loaves of bread in there and opening a women's bakery. I was in college, and honestly I had at least 50 separate infections. None of my friends could keep yeast infections away, either.





The "natural" cure was to swath a clove of garlic in cheesecloth and stick it up your yoni. I never did try the garlic method, but I did end up spooning yogurt into my crotch while doing headstands on my bed. It seems that people are never there when you need them, and this was one of those times. I could have used someone to return the tub of yogurt to the fridge. For the record, it didn't work. Years later I read that yeast feeds off the sugar in yogurt, making it worse. And washing the crap out -- well, the yogurt mixes with the cottage-cheese-like discharge, so you just never know when to stop cleaning. It was like I was one never-ending well of lasagna.



When I was in high school, my best friend Roxanne wished yeast infections on our arch enemies. I never understood that because I was a yeast virgin at the time. She also begged her mom to close her legs every time we went by the stinky paper mill. I never understood that either. I was slow.



One thing Roxanne never mentioned was the secret consolation prize of yeast infections: the Caligula effect. See, in the beginning stages of yeast infection, you feel this itch. Your vagina swells up to four times its size and jerking off never, ever felt so good. You masturbate at odd times, like while you pee or when you clean under your toenails. Soon that erotic itch will make you suicidal and you'll want to cut your privates off your body with a bowie knife. It's an itch that makes you understand how people get possessed by Satan. My mother once itched her crotch with a fork while a door-to-door salesman tried to sell her a vacuum cleaner. Once, in a sales meeting, I blacked out from the sheer intensity of the desire to itch. But before the madness starts, yeast rewards you with a boundless sexual arousal.



Tragically, there is also a kind of vaginal sickness that does not compensate you with an engorged clitoris. I first got wind of this sort of infection two years ago when I was kneeling down to the right of my desk to reach for a hanging file folder. I caught a whiff of something that smelled, for all the world, exactly like someone had crapped in a pile of rotting tomatoes. "Christ, what is that fucking smell?" I screeched. People looked at me guiltily. No one said anything.



The next day, the smell was back. It was stronger this time, and could be easily called a stench. I opened the rear door and asked again, "Can anyone tell me where that smell is coming from?" Well, by now you have likely figured out that the smell was being manufactured in my vagina.



At this point, you may be wondering if I'm one of those people who screams "Fish!" every time they sniff any old yawning poontang. Let me assure you: I am not. It is true that I did once slap a man for saying I smelled like fish, but only after I ascertained he had been lying. And I have smelled many sweaty, rank vaginas in my day and thought nothing of it. After spending two months in Eastern Africa without warm water or soap, I had the brilliant idea of sticking my finger in my pussy and then licking it. Yes, the crud lifted from my pussy smelled like garbage on that occasion. But believe me, that smell in Africa could only be called potpourri when compared to the foulness billowing from under my skirt that day in my office.



I didn't think a healthy, bathing human could create odors like that. Well, I was not healthy. I had bacterial vaginosis. My doctor told me that many, many women have bacterial vaginosis -- in fact it's estimated that 60 percent of the female population suffers from it without even knowing. Besides the smell, it has few other effects. As a result, doctors who detect bacterial vaginosis will often just "let it go." Just let it go? As in, not mention it to the poor reeking woman? Well, sometimes it can impair marital relationships, my doctor admitted. I see. I took my medication, cursed the person who gave me the dread disease (you know who you are), and left that corrupt office (St. Luke's Women's Center, if you must know).



About 10 months later I lay, anus forward, on the examining table with yet another "private" disease. "So what exactly is your problem?" the doctor asked. How could I break it to her? It all started when my lover fucked me with two hands and in both holes. Sometime after my second orgasm, I peed and noticed a searing pain near my starfish. Soon afterwards, whenever I did my business, the rip opened again -- it felt as if an army of termites was trying to dismantle my mortal coil, ass first.



On top of everything else, I began to notice an increasingly painful burning feeling in my cooch. It wasn't quite like a yeast infection. I couldn't even masturbate! I had tried several times and failed. The most humiliating failure was when I tried to have phone sex in my mother's bathroom with my 3,000-mile-away lover. The second I got turned on, I had a sensation as though I had purposefully rubbed battery acid deep into every fold of my vulva. "I can't do this, I'm dying," I said as I lowered the phone into the receiver and burst into tears.



I told all this to my personal physician. "I see. Can you show me the rip, please?" I pried apart my cheeks. "Here?" "No, there. Wait, let me try." I tapped around my butthole as if mining for gold. "There -- got it." "What about yeast infections before this? Were you suffering?" she asked. Oh, had I suffered. I had more cream up my cunt than that girl who sits in cakes, what's her name? "Ducky DooLittle," my doctor smiled. "Well, I think you have had yeast in your anus. Possibly there was also yeast growing in your rip. I don't know what was in your pussy, possibly a yeast-related bacteria. I can't imagine the pain you've been in," she intoned plaintively.



OK, so she didn't say she could imagine the pain I've been in, but she did give me a foil packet with one glorious oral yeast tablet. You've never seen such a happy woman. Yeast in my ass! Yeast in my rip! Mystery bacteria in my pussy! Who woulda thunk? The pill I took that day has done wonders. Now, when I reach for a file folder, I am greeted by the mouth-watering scent of a healthy vagina.



Surprisingly, my healthy pussy emanates a fragrance EXACTLY like steaming hot french fries from McDonald's. Days when the smell is particularly strong, it makes me long for a large Dr Pepper with plenty of ice. And it makes my stomach growl, particularly in the mornings. But at least everything else is back to normal. I can't complain.



The ex-editor of On Our Backs magazine, Athena Douris loves horror flicks and always shows off her injuries to anyone willing to look.

---

Edited to add that crazy ass smiley...

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

Edited by: tkheaven  at: 6/23/04 6:13 am

[maudmac]

Wow, that's...um...graphic? Yes, I think the word would be graphic.



Heh, we shouldn't be squeamish about the less-pleasant aspects of being gifted with vaginas. There are many. Many, many, many. You could probably construct an entire monologue about yeast alone. The Yeast Monologues. I'd go see it. I might be alone, but I'd go. Then again, I love gross stuff.

---

i wasn't sniffing your spicy brains

[littlecrazy80]

OMG



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



SweetAmber ~~~ Amber Board

[girlfriends actually]

that's friggin' hilarius tk

[oneyedchicklet]

I don't think it could've gotten much more detailed than that. And so much for the sandwich I was eating while reading it. Especially, since it had swiss cheese on it.



Love to All,

Barb

Now serving Bitter, party of one. Your table is ready.

[sprhrgrl]

natural yogurt. sugarless, colorless, flavorless, good for nothing but sticking it inside of yourself. . . i've been known to be nice enough to make "yogurt popsicles" for when he needs them. it's funny enough, i think, if they're rare enough. poor kid.

Sweetie, I'm a fag. I been there. - Tara (Dead Things shooting script)

[tkheaven]

Well, here's another you guys will get a kick out of. I would post up a the poems but there were too many. Browse around the site...

brainfiber.com Cleansing the bowels of your consciousness

..

...

Ok Ok...couldn't resist:

---

Word Salad



Horoscopes for Porn Stars



Aries: Stop feeling lonely. A special delivery is on its way to you. Your postman can't wait to stuff it in your mailbox.



Taurus: You deserve a break. Get help with those nagging chores. Your pool cleaning company just hired two blonde lesbians. Luck is on its way!



Gemini: It's time to reach out for your goals. You know you want it…just reach out and grab it. Ride this one out until you shiver with triumphant glee!



Cancer: Today's not the day to quibble with details. A broken elevator, a record heat wave and a frightened, young intern are all the explanation you need offer. Your spouse will certainly understand.



Leo: It's time to probe deep inside for answers. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? WHO'S YOUR DADDY?



Virgo: Some problems only a best friend can understand. These are best discussed face-to-face, in a warm bath, by candlelight.



Libra: Now is the time to get that sticky subject off your chest. A moist towelette might prove helpful.



Scorpio: One is definitely the loneliest number…but two, three and four can be just as boring. You really need to get up into the double digits before anybody starts to have fun. So invite over the whole football team and break out the party favors. You won't be disappointed.



Sagittarius: Be realistic in your goals. Don't bite off more than you can chew. A good rule of thumb: If it has to be wheeled in on a dolly…it's probably too big for you.



Capricorn: Interpersonal relationships dominate your thoughts today. You've been bad…really bad. Yes you have…and you know it, don't you? Yeah, that's right…you know you need to be punished. Let me hear you say it. Louder…LOUDER…that's right, beg for your punishment…beg…BEG!!!



Aquarius: You've been looking for love in all the wrong places. That's a good impulse… Keep it up.



Pieces: While it may seem like events are finally coming to a head, it's important to remember not to rush things. Take your time, don't go off half cocked. Just think about baseball and dead puppies, that should do the trick.



Today's lucky numbers: 6, 9, 69, and 12"

---

*practices dominant side.. "Who's Your Daddy! WHO'S YOUR DADDY!!"*

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

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Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[tkheaven]

here's something cute to pass the time... *giggle*



www.chiclets.com/artschool.asp

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."