The Rant Thread

[taraslove]

The thing that really hurts is that this place - which used to be the one place I could come to feel like I finally fit in somewhere - is such an enormous source of pain to me now. It's tainted with memories and ... reminders of how very much I've lost. I need the support, I need the companionship and friendship, I need the community, but.... I just can't get through the pain of it all. I'm not strong enough.

I won't be around for awhile.

[Zooeys_Bridge]

I understand. And I wish you luck on your journey. And we'll still be here. For whenever, for you.

*hug* I hope today can still turn around and be one of the good days.

[Dorothy]

I feel your story taraslove,
I had it like that 18 months ago and I still haven't had the courage to let someone new in.
**Sending you loads of hugs and a little strength**

[Dorothy]

I lend a friend a big amount of money, though she doesn't have a job and never has any money to spare.. Yet she keeps complaining about her problem, which I just solved for the rest of this month... while I make it perfectly clear I feel so bad I'd rather curl up in my bed with the sheets over my head and never get up. But she refuses to listen :( I know she can't really solve my problems because they ain't so mundane as a shortage of cash. But having a friend listening and thinking of me would lift part of the load off my shoulders. Just knowing that someone cares.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

*hug for Dorothy*

[Willowtree252]

My father is seeing a new woman no big right right but he is shutting out Megan his pride and joy of all these years. He wont take her calls and he cant talk while he is with that woman and that is all the time now. He made plans to go to pidgen forge with Megan but he cant go because that woman cant be alone for a week. He told Megan that she has a problem with her because she dont understand how they can be that close. he is letting this woman run him wow just like her dad pot ...........kettle. Sandi and I had this talk from the beginning no one and I mean no one could come between me and my children I take calls from them when they call and dont shut them out. boy I told him off tonight he hung up on me three times but I said what I needed to I also told him all he had to do was be himself and answer the damn phone and not treat her diffrent to save this in a nut shell he told me to fuck off so off I am. Daddy if your with a woman or anyone for that matter that wants you away from your family there is a BIG problem hope she still loves her suger daddy when your down like momma and you need us dont call I wont answer she can take care of you ass hole.

[Lifty]

It's just weird that someone changes so quickly and so drastically. One minute she's the closest friend I ever had, we share everything, being in each other's company is the easiest thing in the world, then the next it's like 'where did the conversation go?'. I guess I love her, god I was 'in love' with her, but now? I just get angry when I'm around her. To realise that, over the past year she has slowly become someone I can never ever relate to, and to know that she knows I can't relate, yet she never bothers to hang out with me, or joke around, or talk about things that are important. It's just frustrating. She's so serious these days, so caught up in university and frickin god and the 'totally cool' people she met on her frickin weird missionary trip. There are things we have in common, things that I want to talk to her about, but when it actually comes to talking to her about it, it's like she doesnt care. She changed, from the person she was. She used to spontaneous, loving, crazy, but now she's so predictable and judgemental.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but talking about food for two straight hours is not what you'd call fun, quality friend time is it? When I say predictable, here's what I mean. We'll sit down for a coffee and she'll talk about work for about 5 minutes, then hot guys (she knows I'm not interested) who might be her potential husband (she's nearly 18 and talking about marriage), then she'll rattle on about how amazing Bon Iver is (he's not), and then she'll talk about all the food she's eaten in the past few days, meal by meal. And if I ask her 'Kate, what's most important to you in life?' she'll say 'Church and career', and I know that when she says church she means all her friends, but not me, cause I'm not a christian, so therefore I don't matter. The only time she'll ever really listen to me is if I tell her my whole family died and now I'm blind and moving to japan, but when is that going to happen?
And I should be sad that my best friend doesn't seem to care whether I'm in her life or not, but I'm not. I'm furious. I never thought there'd come a time when I'd say that I had to make an effort to get along with her. And I'm so sick of it. I dont want to let her go, but I just cant imagine her ever being the person she was. Our conversations are fucking painful! When did this happen? I just get so amazingly pissed off when I'm around her now. She patronising and condescending and I love her, but god I hate her. And what the hell do I do? Just not contact her anymore?
I just think I need to meet new people. People who don't care more about religion and career than their friends. She spends so much fucking time showing her 'brothas and sisters in christ' the love that she's forgotten I exist, and I sure as hell am not going to keep pretending that we're still besties.
Oh and Jas, you dont really have to worry about my best friend getting to spend so much time with me, she doesn't really seem to think it's important anymore, which makes me bloody insane with anger. Part of me just wants to give up. Really, I know we're both going to get over this HUGE obstacle and be ourselves again sometime in the future, but for now, fuck her.
That's so much better.

[Kessari]

...Why do people seem to want to hurt me all the time? Friends are lie to me, my mother insults me all day long and tries to control all my life, my boss at work is just making me insane and I'm just so overextended right now. Last week, when I told my supervisor, that my doc said, that I'm close to getting a stomach ucler, she asked why. So I told her, that it's the stress and imagine what she did. She laughed at me, saying that there is no way, that I'm stressed... Gee thanks. I've been very sick the last years, a friend died between Christmas and New Year, I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to lead a 'normal' life. You know what I mean? How dare she laugh at me, when she does not even know me at all? I just don't know how to handle all the shallowness, that's shown to me anymore...

[taraslove]

Just found out my friend is moving to LA.

Boo!

That's the lamest of the lame. For real.

[whatmakesyouhappy]

Obama is a hypocrite!! he is are was a smoker then he goes and passed that tax hike on cigarettes, why do they always tax smokers

[Dorothy]

LoL maybe cause ehm... Cigarettes are bad for you? Better than taxes on veggies...
Maybe they should also put extra tax on fastfood (6)

[taraslove]

deleted

[Dorothy]

sitting on a train, feeling abandoned and lonely because 2 people let me down, forgot about me, and now I have to go to the theatre alone and face the empty seat next to me... and repeat that thing tomorrow.
yet I'm not allowed to complain, because I'm not a victim. Then what am I? a hideous monster that needs to go to musical comedies on her own because friends forget about her and make other appointments which are obviously more important.
I know they are not doing it on purpose and that they feel at least slightly guilty about it but I still feel abandoned. I should be used to feeling abandoned and not getting what was promised to me, yet these facts only seem to make my pain worse instead of dulling it.
I hate being alone, especially in a crowd because I'm scared of people, scared of everyone that isn't my friend and sometimes scared of friends too. I'm scared of me being stupid, of others picking on me, laughing at me, thinking I'm dumb.
I just wannabe loved, but instead I'm left, I'm always being left, except when people need me to pay for their stuff, make them feel good or to take their shit out on me.

I'm aware that this doesn't go for my bestest friends... Then why do I still feel like they're the same and why does it feel like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest in slow motion, time and time again? Why is it that now I finally have friends, real friends, that they bring even more pain than te ones that just used me for money, work or other things?

[Gatito Grande]

Just yesterday, I told a friend "I don't think my next door neighbor likes me".

Today, she actually swore at me.

I'm trying to not take it personally. I made an error of judgment (which I admitted), but I know that it is she who is going TOTALLY NUTS.

Still, I'm just paranoid enough to think there could be further consequences.

GG Could the bi-otch try to have me evicted? Out

[She_is_the_strangest_girl]

i hate that i cant express myself properly
i hate that when i try & say nice things its comes out crap
i hate that i cant control my emotions
i hate that my temper atm
& to top it off i hate that tears are entering my newly facemask opened pores & stinging

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My sister's life is a complete f***ing mystery to me. The guy she dated for over a year and was certain even after they broke up she'd end up with, the guy who was her best friend above and beyond the romantic parts, is now her least favorite person in the universe and she hates him more than she knew was possible, and her ex that she dated a couple years ago for several months then forced her into sex she apparently doesn't hate anymore. I don't understand how it all happened, or how I got so completely out of the loop on her life. The boy who raped her, who she heard was trying to kill himself and said it was okay by her, just doesn't even garner her disdain now. And the boy she loved me than me or her parents or her friends or even herself (not that I ever liked how obsessed she was with him, but honestly he was everything to her) is now the most awful and hated person in her world because he tried to "control" her even after they broke up. I always saw that he could be a little on the controlling side, but he loves her and I know she loved him and I just can't believe her feelings could have changed so much. I feel like I have no idea what's going on inside her. It's like she's not even my sister anymore.
I used to understand everything she thought or felt, and I don't anymore and I hate that.

[Dorothy]

sorry for digging up the rant but it's nescecary...
People are SO nice! besides not being able to run for a tram and 2 (!) drivers one after another slamming the doors shut before I can get in... The third, which I finally did get, refused to let me out at the entrance while NO ONE needed to get in, just cause it was an entrance, not an exit...

and besides that this is also the third tram today in which all seats are taken, some by peoples (small) shoppingbags or purses...

ok so far but I get in, with an obvious limp, and even the people occupying the seats for "reduced mobility" don't even so much as blink. Now I don't wanna claim the rights to a disabledseat or even demand special previliges but come on, NO ONE has even a SPARK of decency anymore! I always used to get up for everyone who looked like they could use my seat, still do on good days... and now I'm forcex to stand because someone's HANDBAG doesn't wanna sit in her lap or on the floor?

even without the owwie that would have been pretty rude, grump, strongly feel like taking all this rage out against myself, since I'm not one to hurt others in any way I can prevent. BLAH fucking shitty day

[Justified12]

I hate how everyone keeps telling me to get ahead with my assignments way before they're due but none of my tutors/lecturers will explain how to actually START assignments until a week beforehand. Uni sucks. The system is way flawed and there is so much pressure on every little thing you do. I can't wait till my 4 years are up.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My older brother and I both live at home, though she's not around much and I mostly take care of things. I have a bedroom in the house, my brother lives in the garage but uses the kitchen to cook. For a couple years he had various apartments and houses with friends, but a year and a half ago he had to move back in cause he'd screwed up and no longer had a job or a place to live. He started staying in the garage, and right away my mom and I started getting frustrated because he likes to cook but is bad about cleaning his dishes promptly (not that I'm great, but I never leave them for more than a day or two and less if I have a lot dirty, whereas his sometimes sit around for close to a week unless my mom or I gets fed up and cleans them), and when he does clean them they're often cleaned very very poorly--bits of food sometimes clearly visible. Finally after a few months our mom finally talked to him about it, and he started doing a better job of cleaning them, and for a while he even did so more frequently, but over time he slipped back into his old patterns. Lately his dishes have been piling up as bad as ever, and today when he left to go out of town for 4 days he left a pan with rice sitting open on the stove and a drainer filled with beans sitting on the counter. It pisses me off. He's two years older than I am, has a job that pays almost as well as mine but doesn't pay rent like I do, I'm responsible for our mom's pets and he's not... All he's asked to do is clean up after himself, and he doesn't. A 22 year old should not be this irresponsible, and it should not fall on me to clean up his messes. I spend 8 hours a day taking care of infants, I come home and have to take care of dogs and cats, I don't want to take care of his crap too.

[Pandemonium]

This is gonna be really long, but I so need this.

Okay so, I met this supper cute girl back in August and pretty much fell arse over tea-kettle for her right off. It took me through the end of September but I persevered and got to be pretty good friends with her (Champ) and her best friend (T). Every Thursday me and my best friend, D, get together and have Buffy marathons, so I started inviting Champ along too. After a few months of just hanging out I decided that I was gonna ask her out. But first I asked T if she thought I stood a chance. All T said was "Not much," and then changed the subject.
I was kinda bummed, but I knew I had to try anyway. I was resolved to ask her out the next time we chilled. Well, the next day when we were hanging out we got on to the subject of relationships, and I was so close to just spitting it out right there. Then she made a comment about how T was her ex. I was completely thrown, cause not only had T not mentioned it, she was dating this guy (K) and had been with him for quite a while, so the timeline in my head felt kinda off. I pushed it aside, but decided not to ask Champ out that day.
I waited another week and then just couldn't take it anymore. We met up and I pretty much stuttered for fifteen minutes before I was able to blurt it. And really, the only reason I got it out then was because I saw T and K headed toward us from across the lot.
She turned me down. I was bummed. But I found a bright side, because she didn't say she wasn't interested in ME, she just wasn't ready to be in a relationship cause she wasn't over T.
So I then had a goal. I had until the end of college in four years to change her mind. I was pumped, I had a basic plan, it was great.
More time went by with weekly Buffy Nights and IM convos with Champ and T, it was a good time. Champ and I were getting really close and T and I were on friendly terms.
One day in late November, I was talking to one of my friends that also knew T and I just mentioned how I was trying to woo Champ. He asked if I knew that Champ, T, and K were in a polyamorous relationship. I was surprised to hear that, but Champ had mentioned T as her ex several times so I figured maybe my friend was operating on old information. It kinda bothered me though that Champ hadn't mentioned it.
I didn't say anything about it to her. Then on New Year's Eve I invited Champ and D over for a big Buffy Night (we actually didn't watch any Buffy that night ). After midnight we moved into deep conversation territory and Champ told us about how she had been in a polyamorous relationship with T and K, but that she had ended it the previous January.
She told us all this stuff about how she was just too jealous all the time and couldn't handle it. I felt really relieved, cause my timeline had started niggling at me ever since my friend had told me about it.
It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My goal seemed to be closer than before.
Then, the day before spring term started, Champ said she needed to talk to me. While I was walking her to her car she told me that she had lied on New Year's and that she was still with T and K. She told me all this bull about how she just didn't know how to handle it when I asked her out and she chickened out and lied to me, and then just kept on lying because she didn't know what else to do. I said that it was ok and I understood (lying) and she got in her car and left.
I was pretty much in shock...for about ten minutes. Then I got pissed off. Then I started crying. I went over to D's place unannounced (she was hanging out with her girl, and I felt really bad later about interrupting them) and stayed there for about two hours crying my eyes out. I couldn't even tell her what was wrong I was so torn up. During my whole emo thing, D was texting Champ trying to find out what was wrong. Champ told her everything. Then she texted me and said we needed to talk this whole thing out and that she would be at my dorm.
I calmed down back into anger and went to meet her. I picked her up and then took her with me while I drove around the town for about two hours. We worked all the mess out, but I was still pretty pissed at her, and really wanted to just kill T.
T is no longer speaking to me. I'm kinda annoyed, and kind relieved. But I can't help but feel like this whole time she was using me for her entertainment, and now that I know the whole situation, she can't do that anymore.
Champ and I are still homies, I moved past it and it's almost even better now, cause there's no secrets.

All of that was just back story.

This is the real problem: Two weeks ago, T, who is in theatre, volunteered Champ to work as a server for the dinner theatre performances. Those happen on Wednesdays and Thursdays. T knew that Champ hung out with me and D on Thursdays, and now Champ is busy until 10 pm that night until March. In March I start my mini-course in English which is every Tuesday and Thursday night until 9:30 pm, so now I pretty much won't get to hang with Champ until the summer. And then she or I will be gone most of the time.
And I'm super pissed.

[Nana]

I wonder why the fuck do you text me, you said you wanted to be friends after all that we did. I said ok I understand, then you keep sending me messenges, and act like if we were old friends, that we never were. I thought you of all, would be more inteligent, and act like the age you have. I thought you knew what you wanted, but you acted like a child, really. Doesnt people know how to fix their problem without hurting other people?
I mean if you want to be just friends because you miss your ex (the one you broke up one year ago) Ok, but dont text me, dont ask me to go out to a movie. Because it confuses me, because then you said it was hard for you too but we would get used to and that you liked the group? Why do you speak about the group when Im talking about us?
Come one grow up, you are older than me, but you dont seem to act like that.

Ok just needed to put this somewhere.

[ashcrash71590]

okay so I was dating a girl for 4 months. After about a month or a little longer than that all we did was fight and yell so I tried to break it off but she guilted me into staying. so i did cause I thought i loved her. than we fought more and i tried the same thing, she guilted me so i stayed. things got bad and she was kinda mean to me regularly. than one day a friend of my sister's that she hadn't talked to in a long time, texts her and wants to hang with us. i thought i was in love with this girl for 3 years and apparently she was in love with me. and when we hung out i just wanted to hold her and kiss her. i felt like an ass so i tried not to talk to her. it didn't work and after awhile i realized i was in love with her. so i told my girlfriend i wanted to be with this other girl. she made me feel like an ass and said all this stuff and guilted me into staying. i didn't know what to do anymore. than me and my sister fought and we didn't talk for awhile. than my girlfriend dumped me for another girl. after all the shit she did. after making me feel like an ass and everything and guliting me into staying she left me for another girl!!!! irronically my sister texted me 10 mintues after my griflreind said it was over and asked if she was working so she could get something from her work and i said no she dumped me so i don't know what to tell you. my sister was pissed and ironically the girl im in love with was with her. they came to where me and my best friend were to help me out. the girl texted my sister and told her she was still in love with me and wanted to kiss me and be with me. so now we are =) and that's a good thing, but ugh was it annoying to have my ex do that

Ash

[Nana]

Fuck, bad computer! I lost my draw!! It took me a good while and I lost it because of the fucking program!!

[JustSkipIt]

I don't know if this even meets the standard of rant. I'm sort of bugged about something though. So Sunday we planned to go for a family hike on Monday. We were going to find some Orienteering points at the time we were planning. And I suggested inviting my nephew (11 years old) with us. I don't even know if he was free and he might have had plans but my wife said she was really uncomfortable with that because we're not very good at finding the points and he might be bored plus he's into camping/hiking and he might be frustrated by the littler kids. Anyway, it all sounded pretty damn lame but whatever...

But Monday my wife's niece (11 years old) is coming to stay with us for a week. We've been trying to get her to come for years but her parents have always been reticent to let her come. She was supposed to come for Spring Break but first Ash, then Chiara, then Rachel got the throwing up for 36 hours straight flu and that put an end to that. She's staying from Monday through Sunday and I'm taking off work Wednesday - Friday. And apparently we're going to drive to Hillsborough (about 140 miles each way) to take her back to her parents on Sunday. And I'm excited that she's coming but a part of me is like, "really? Ez couldn't come on a hike with us because it would be hard or he might be bored but Pho is coming for 6 days and we're going to go to the water park and swimming hole and whatever else and that won't be hard?"

So I'm kind of bugged but I don't really want to make a big deal out of it because anytime I bring anything up to my wife that I want to discuss she like sighs like, "let's hear how else I'm a complete fuck up!" She has to be in the total right mood for me to even use I language with her and that's just another damn thing.

Or maybe I'm just PMSing and I don't give a fuck about any of that shit.

Hmmm.

[waitnsee]

Just need to vent...

So, two months ago I broke up with my g/f. We had been together for 7 and a half years, but the last few had been really not good. We were more like roommates than anything else, and we fought all the time. ending things really was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Even though I wasn't happy, or even in love with her any more, I still care for her. There's a lot of memories there, ya know? And so many times when we'd fight, and I would almost leave, she would guilt me into staying, saying she couldn't live without me, couldn't take care of the house and animals, etc. That we made a committment, and you don't just throw that away, unless you are an immoral bitch. So, I guess that's what I ended up being. I just couldn't go on pretending to be happy, and throwing my life away on a relationship with the wrong person. Escpecially after I found the KB and started reading of such an inense and passionate love that I knew I didn;t have. So anyway, we broke up, but I ended up staying in the house for a month while I waited for the sublet I'm now living in to open up. I slept in the spare room, and we eventually stopped talking. It was awkward as all hell. So, three weeks after I moved out, me ex called me. She was super chatty, and way too interested in my well being, and I was getting kinda freaked. So then she told me the reason she called was to tell me she started seeing someone new. And she didn't want me to have to find this out from somone else. And she's been posting all of this lovey dovey shit on facebook, which mutual friends have so kindly shared with me. I really don't want to know any of this. I'm pissed that she's found someone else so fast, and that she now, magically, has all of this free time to spare. She had ZERO time for me, which I was constantly asking her for. And the fact that this girl is hanging out at our house, and playing with my dogs, really gets me. I haven't seen my girls in almost a month, and I really miss them :( After all the guilt she laid on me, she has the gall to just run off with someone new so damn fast. And the thing is, she doesn't do casual. I need time to heal, and get my shit together. Learn to be alone and be myself again. And to mourn the loss of that relationship because it has been such a huge part of my adult life. And I'm hurt that she's not giving *us* the respect it deserves.

thanks. I needed that.
Jen

[Paint the Sky]

Stupid fucking psychologists!!!

Last week I had a bit of minor meltdown in work - ok, so a major meltdown.

The next day I asked for a referral to our work health unit counselling service - I had my appointment this morning.

What is it with them - they just tell you stuff you already know!!!

I know I'm volatile - it kinda goes with the angry my life's a fucking mess territory.

What I need is a way to deal with it - not the reasons why I'm like that.

If the people at work do not meet my expectations, do you not think I already know not to let it get me!! Do you not think I know to walk away when I'm feeling pissed off.

Of course I do - I don't enjoy feeling stressed, honestly, I would rather float through work on a pink fluffy cloud of happiness!!!

But, if people do stupid fucking things that affect me, then yes, I'm gonna blow at some point!!!

Why do I have to change? Why can't the people I work with behave like the fucking adults they are supposed to be?

Why do some of them feel the need to act like dickheads and think the rest of us should accept that behaviour?

But, according to the counsellor today, I'll feel much better if I can ignore this!!

I do ignore it, mostly, but when the total fuckwittery affects me or my work, then why the fuck should I?

See, that feels better already - anger is good, venting is cleansing!!!

The Rant Thread: I'm sorry, our time is up!

Me: Thank you for listening!

[Foomatic]

I was going to rant about something, but I totally forgot what after your post PtS. Sorry people suck. :(

[Paint the Sky]

Foo, thanks for you sympathy, and sorry I put you off your rant!

Everyone, please free free to rant and rave till your heart's content.

If anyone is intersted, I'm feeling much better - alcohol is a great healer!

[JustSkipIt]

I'm not sure this will reach the level of rant but my wife just bitched me out because SHE doesn't understand how to use ITunes. Like it's my fault that she never learned how to use ITunes? I have offered to show her and she always says I don't need to because how hard could it be. Then she goes off on me because she doesn't know how the fuck to eject my IPod or make a playlist.

[dlline]

Since everyone else is jumping in here again, maybe it will make me feel better if I do too. Maybe a list. Yeah, that's it. I need a list.

1. I am in Ohio, taking care of my elderly parents. My girlfriend and teenaged kids are in Virginia, going to school and taking care of each other. I need to be here, but I miss the shit out of my family. We've all chosen to look at it as if I have been deployed to the Midwest, but I won't be able to return home for the foreseeable future. We were planning to move here when our youngest son graduates from high school, but that's two more years. Until then, I'll be here and they'll be there. Crap.

2. I decided to make the best of the whole thing and made plans to get together with my old high school band buddies tonight. Then my back went out. Shooting pains down one leg, the whole thing, so I couldn't go. Again, I say crap.

3. My publisher screwed me over on the sequel to my first novel. Despite the fact that my contract says that they'll respond to any manuscript submitted within 45 days, they held on to the story for close to 18 months. Then they rejected it because they said too much time had passed between the original novel and the sequel.. What? Every time I wrote to ask about it, they said they were considering it but apparently they were not. I would really love to start a fight about it, but my second novel is coming out in November, so I have to be good until then. More crap.

4. I feel like crap (really? yes, really!), so I called the VA for an appointment last July. The earliest appointment they could give me is the 16th of September, so I still feel like crap. At least there's some light at the end of this tunnel. The hot flashes, insomnia, and depression are close to unbearable.

Now that I've written it all down, I'm not sure if it helped or not. I did buy a new Buffy/Willow poster for my room, so maybe that'll help. Certainly can't hurt. I've missed everyone here, and that's mostly my fault, so maybe something good will come of this. I hope so.