The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[wiccanspud]

A: Yes. The thief was actually a nefarious Keebler elf who was fired from Santa's workshop for pilfering those little candy canes that never really satisfy anyone except for little elves. He was hoping to impress his new boss and stole the cookie from the cookie jar. So now, there are no cookies in the cookie jar, some high ranking miscreant in the Keebler cookie factory got a promotion through treacherous means, and Santa's post-Christmas vacation is ruined because he had to deal with candy cane inventory.



Q: Why doesn't caffeine work on college students?

[Chemy]

A:Caffine won't go into their blood for the same reason the lessons don't go into their heads

Q: Why does everyone go crazy over a new year even though its bound to be as bad as the old one?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Because Hope Springs Eternal. It's true - she wears special springy shoes.

Q: Why does everyone think that the TV show Arrested Deveopment is so clever but I don't get it?

[JustSkipIt]

A - Because you, too, wear springy shoes.

Q - Why did we remember to buy peppers, onioins, and beans at the store but not fake meat?

[cbrymm]

It was a ploy by the store to get you to go back. They have an invisible force field that makes each customer forget at least one item upon entering the store. Just be glad you weren't the poor soul who forgot all of his items and bought a can of spam simply because he needed to buy something.

Why do so many people drink alcohol if it tastes so bad and makes you so hung over?

[watty]

A: Because alcohol contains the chemical β-ditrirufregate tetraoxide, which humans commonly mistake for α-ditrirufregate pentaoxide, which is the main active ingredient of the neurochemicals that trigger sensations of happiness, contentment and satisfaction that follows a night of big sex.

Q: Hickory dickory dock. The clock stuck one, the mouse ran down. Where to?
[br]

[FineyMcFine]

A: Down under. The mouse is currently at work on a porn version of Crocodile Dundee: Going Down Under.

Q: Who was Mother Goose the mother of?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Geese. It says so in her name.

Q: Why do you have to look both ways before crossing the street?

[dark_chylde]

A: You don't necessarily have to. You're completely entitled to let yourself get hit by a car.

Q: Why does one always get toothache on a day like New Year's Eve, when no dentist is available ? (got an appointment today ....)

[Chemy]

A: Its a sadistic joke by the sweet manufacturers to put tooth aggtitating agents into sweets

Q: Why is daytime television always so crap when thats the time everyone wants to watch good programs

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because, like you said, it's the time when people want to watch TV. And since Broadcast Standards and Practices don't want you to watch at that time, that's when they stick the crap.

Q: Is it proud to sleep the whole day away?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Just about as ashamed as it is to get up at 6:15am and go to work.

Q: Why ask why?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because then you'd know. And knowing is half the battle.

Q: How does it feel to have so much time but so little to do?

[dark_chylde]

A: Great, actually.

Q: Why is it so much fun to do the christmas decoration but so much work to undo it ?

[watty]

heh, lately some of the answers seem to be real and useful actual answers rather than unanswers! Heehee. Or perhaps it's deliberate? So accurate that it's meant to throw us?


A: Christmas decorations gain weight upon exposure to festive air, like an ex-Atkins dieter who just ate a gallon of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. They get so heavy that they don't co-operate and don't want to move.

Q: What makes smog?
[br]

[Candleshoe]

A: A quick google tells me that Bill Callahan makes smog.

Q: Why do "In" trays never get any emptier?

[JustSkipIt]

A - Because, starting with Ellen and following a constant progression toward Brokeback Mountain, Out is In. For a while Black was In. The more things become In, the more full your tray gets.

Q - Why is it that sometimes when a person eats a snack they feel satisfied and sometimes they feel hungrier?

[Chemy]

A: Some are trick snacks that shrink on the way down making you eat more of them

Q: Why do doctors seem to be getting dumber?

[Candleshoe]

A: because nurses stole all their IQ points.

Q: Why do we feel sad on rainy days and happy on sunny days?

[umgaynow]

A: Because hot babes in bikinis and short shorts make much more attractive scenery than old ladies in galoshes and plastic rain bonnets.

Q: Why is it that great TV shows get cancelled or go off the air all the time, but idiotic brainless game shows are on for decades at a time?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because TV executives happen to have invested heavily in the networks that broadcast them.

Q: What exactly is in chocolate that makes it so yummy?

[Candleshoe]

A: I asked my friend Anne, who says that she doesn't know, but she will ask the Chocolate Fairy next time she sees her.

Q: Why do babies cry for three hours before bed, every night?

[FineyMcFine]

A: They cry before bed because each day babies watch Terms of Endearment on the specially equipped Baby-Cam that comes on standard models. Can you blame them?

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck were Chuck Wood?

[watty]

A: the equivalent of five martini glasses.

Q: If Mars is aligned with Pluto and the sun is in the house of Jupiter, where is the moon?
[br]

[Candleshoe]

A: Round the back of Jupiter's garage having a crafty smoke, and trying to ignore the "aligning".

Q: Why did the weather forecast entirely fail to predict the snowstorm I drove through this morning?

[JustSkipIt]

A - You obviously turned left when you should have turned right. If you'd gone the expected direction, you would have missed it entirely.

Q - Why does bottled water cost more than gasoline?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Well, there's this car...and it runs on water...

Q: What's the sound of one hand clapping?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Listen closely:

Q: What's the meaning of life?

[Krazy Dreamer]

A: What people don't realize is that this life really has no meaning. Earth is a school, a testing ground, if you will. Assuming that this life is the real life is like assuming that childhood is reality.

Q: Why is it that the last three times I've had Chinese take-out, I've gotten the exact same fortune cookie message: "You will visit some faraway land that has long been in your waking thoughts"?

[dark_chylde]

A: Maybe so you realize it's true and finally visit that damn land. Or maybe you should just change restaurants because they only have one type of fortunate cookie....

Q: Why is my neighbour complaining for the third time in the last two months (but never before) about my TV being to loud in the evening when I never changed the volume nor the times I watch for the last three years I've been living here (and sometimes I'm not even here when it's supposedly to loud) ?